Open Window

by Peetabreaddd

Peeta and Katniss just got home from the Games. Katniss is battling with herself on whether she should let Peeta into her life or not. By her own indecisiveness, she has hurt Peeta again. This story is bit different from the rest. Gale is present, but only as her best friend. This story will take us through the Victory Tour, the Quarter Quell and the war. It's up to Katniss.

6. Chapter 6

Katniss tried to avoid everyone after that doctor's appointment. Mostly Gale, Haymitch and Finnick. She was cruel to Gale and Finnick. She knew that. But she couldn't take her anger out on anyone but them. She needed a punching bag, and those three just always stood in front of her.

She had finally figured out how to find peace and quiet. Seeing as how someone was always coming to her compartment. She would find random closets to go hide out in. If she wasn't in her room, then they thought she was out doing something. Instead, she was by herself in a closet… pining for the life she lost.

Her nightmares…they were horrifying. She dreamt of Snow cutting open her stomach and ripping it out of her. Katniss always saw blonde curly hair. But then he would hijack it. She'd watch Snow torture and hijack him. Cut his body up into small pieces. He would scream for Katniss to help him. She watched as he cried on the arena ground, begging her to come back for him, as she was lifted into the hovercraft. He got smaller and smaller.

Every night, no matter what the nightmare had been, she'd wake up screaming for him. Drenched in sweat, begging him to come to her rescue. To comfort her. Take care of her. Whisper words of love and tell her she's safe with him. She missed the arms that would wrap around her. Her ear pressed against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. It soothed her back into sleep. She'd sob in her bed, begging for comfort. But there was no relief. She physically felt heartbroken. She could feel it in her chest every day. She felt like someone was sitting on her chest. The pain of losing him was too much to bear sometimes.

And this thing inside her was getting bigger every day. She hadn't felt it kick like crazy again, after that day in her doctors appointment. She tried to forget that day, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it DID recognize his voice. She knew it was waiting to hear his voice again. But she refused to go to the hospital to see him. It was connected to him. If he really was getting better, as Haymitch, Gale and Finnick said he was…then she could hand it off to him what it was born.

And odd thing happened to Peeta after he saw the baby. He had a dream. He told them the next day, but he was too afraid to talk about it. So, the guys let it go. But Peeta said he was confused. It was about Katniss and the baby. After seeing the baby, Peeta was determined to get his memories back. They knew why. He wanted to be with his baby.

It had taken a full two weeks to get through the Hunger Games with Peeta. They had to go through every moment. Peeta fought through his rage and pain. But they had finally gotten through it, to where they just had the train ride home.

"There's no question about our first Games. I can easily see what's real, and what Snow made up. They have this sort of…glossy look to them. Like they're shiny," Peeta told them.

"What do you feel about when you see them?" Finnick asked.

"Well…when I see the one's that I know what the real memory is…I don't get angry from them. I know she didn't throw that nest of Tracker jackers at me. I know she didn't push me towards Cato so she could hide. I know she didn't let me fall into the mutts at the cornucopia. I don't feel anything when I see those images, because it's like a movie. And movies aren't real," Peeta said. The three of them looked at each other and smiled.

"The doctors say it all the time how impressed they are with what you've done so far. Peeta, it's amazing. When you got here, you couldn't grasp onto any real memory. Now, everything from your first Games and before that you remember. You can grasp onto the fact that it's real. Peeta, you're amazing," Finnick told him. Peeta smiled.

"Thanks," Peeta said.

"We wanna start trying something new," Haymitch said. Peeta looked over at him. "When we come back tomorrow, the next stuff that were gonna talk about, is time between when you came home, and the Victory tour…and we want to take your restraints off to talk with us," Haymitch said. Peeta looked at all three of them.

"what if I try and attack you?" he asked. You could see the fear creeping up on his face.

"We can handle ourselves," Finnick chuckled.

"We trust you," Haymitch said confidently. But Peeta didn't look confident in that.

But, they tried it the next day anyways. Peeta wasn't restrained. Even though the next memory that they had to get through, was when Katniss told him she didn't love him. And it was hard. He got upset, and it was like it was happening all over again, because he was crying to Haymitch. "Why would she lie like that?" Peeta asked.

"Peeta. I know this hurts. But let's keep going. Everythings going to be ok," Haymitch told him.

"You're lying to me. Snow said you guys were liars too," Peeta said.

"Well Snow can eat shit. Stop listening to him, and focus on what happened next," Gale told him. Peeta shook his head.

"Why? So I can go through all that heartache all over again. So you can watch me cry in pain?" Peeta snapped.

"No, so you can come back to Katniss quicker," Gale said. Peeta stared at him. Peeta got through his final conversation with Katniss, and It left him devastated. He talked about how lonely he was when she left him. And then his family didn't want to leave the Bakery. His only friends were Haymitch and Prim. He was all alone in a big house, with terrible nightmares, and the girl he loved didn't love him back.

And then the kiss came up. "We go over this practically every day. You saw us kiss. Before you and I talked. What did you do? Who did you tell first that you saw us kissing?" Gale asked. He thought for a moment.

"Haymitch. I went and told him," Peeta said sadly and looked at his hands. "Why did you do that in plain sight of the Bakery. What did I ever do to you?" Peeta asked pathetically.

"Peeta. Just focus. What happened after you told Haymitch?" Gale asked. Peeta sat for a few minutes with his eyes closed, and then his mouth opened slightly.

"She came to my house…she came inside and I gave her hot chocolate. She sat there for a while. And I didn't understand why she was there. And then she just blurted out that she didn't want Gale to kiss her," Peeta said. He was reliving that moment in his head. Moments like this, the guys didn't speak. They let the memories flood Peeta's brain.

"Look, it's none of my business. We're not together. I get it. You don't owe me anything. And you don't have to spare my feelings," Peeta said. He was trying to sound mad, but it was nothing but pain in his voice. She put her mug on the coffee table and covered her face.

"I'm not good at this. I don't have heart to heart talks. I try and say what I feel, and I screw it all up," she blathered. Peeta watched her as she scrubbed her face.

"He's like my brother. We were arguing and he kissed me to win the freaken argument. It meant nothing. To me AND him. He felt bad that he did it where you could see it," Katniss sped through. Peeta furrowed his eyebrows

"Brothers don't usually kiss their sister's when their fighting," Peeta said, not looking at her again. He didn't believe her. If you feel like someone is your brother, you don't kiss them.

"We were arguing about the Games and you and the Capitol. And he's just an idiot. He doesn't feel like that about me I swear. God none of this is coming out right. I freaken told Haymitch I couldn't do this," Katniss said. He looked back up. Haymitch? What did he have to do with this?

"What do you mean you were arguing about me?" Peeta asked. She groaned.

"If I sit here and tell you what we were arguing about, then I have to go back further. And every question leads to another question about why. It's all a damn mess Peeta," she was frustrated. She wasn't the best with words. She made no sense. And she just confused him more…but she was trying. She needed to say something, and she was struggling so badly to get the words out. He wanted to help her, because he desperately wanted to know what she had to say.

"Ok…how about you sit there and drink your hot chocolate. Think about the fight and think about where the question would lead. And if you have to ask another question, think about where that led. Think about it until you've come to the end, and start there," Peeta said. Katniss looked up at him.

"I'm not good with words. I'm terrible. I mess everything up that I want to say," he smiled at her. It was true. But…he knew if he gave her enough room, and stayed patient with her, she'd be able to get what she needed to say, out.

"Then talk slow and take your time to think," Peeta said. She sat back and did as he asked.

They sat in silence for a while. He actually was surprised that she was really taking what he said serijuosly. She was really thinking hard about what she wanted to say. This was not what he expected tonight.

"My dad really loved me," Katniss said all of a sudden. She wouldn't look up at Peeta. "He's the one who taught me how to hunt in the woods. It didn't matter that we were beyond the fence. He made me feel safe. It didn't matter that we were poor. He always put food on the table," she said.

"We were happy," she whispered. "My parents were so happy. They were in love…and then he was killed in the Mines. And then everything changed," she said, looking straight ahead, and letting tears fall.

"My mom checked out. She would sit in her rocking chair all day. She wouldn't take care of us. She wouldn't talk to us. I had to take care of Prim. I had to run the house like my dad. I had to feed us, and we were starving," her voice cracked. He wanted to sit next to her and pull her into his arms. But he had to force himself to stay in his chair.

"I was only 11 years old…I didn't know how to take care of the three of us," she admitted, letting tears fall. "I was so angry at her. She sat right there, letting us fend for ourselves. I wasn't happy anymore. I wasn't safe anymore. She loved my father so much, and after he died…I swore that day I would never feel that way about anyone. If I don't love someone, then I can't be hurt by them. And then I can't have kids. Because you can't have kids to watch in the Reaping if you don't have any," that broke his heart. It was a sad way to live, without another person to hold you, and love you.

"We hadn't eaten in 5 days. I was trying to sell some of Prim's old baby clothes. And no one would take them," she cried. It killed him to hear her talk about starving.

"And I thought I had failed them. I couldn't take care of them. I knew I was going to die. I was soaking wet, digging through trash…and I just fell to the ground. I couldn't get up. I thought I was going to die right there," she cried and covered her eyes.

They sat there for a few minutes again in silence. He let the tears fall down his cheeks.

"And then you threw me the bread," she cried covering her face and let a noise escape her throat. "I had completely given up all hope. And you threw me bread. You saved me and you never even knew it. I wanted to die out there. And you saved my life," she cried into her hands. He had to look away. He never knew he saved her life. He never knew she had been at her lowest point, wanting to give up. Wanting to die. What would have happened had he not seen her through the window? Would he have found a corpse out under his tree hours later? The thought made him sick to his stomach.

"I always knew what you were doing. I would always sneak glances at you. I would pay attention when you were talking in class. I've gone to every one of your wrestling matches. And I've seen you double knot your shoelaces," she cried. He looked back over at her in awe. She paid attention to such a small detail, as the fact that he liked to double knot his shoelaces?

"I didn't know I felt anything. Maybe I did somewhere. But I have pushed every emotion down inside me so far…Every year when Effie would call the boys, there were only three boys that I ever begged not to hear. Gale, his brother and yours. I didn't think of it until after I took Prim's place. But I heard your name and all I thought was, 'Not him. Not him',"

"Gale yelled at me that I didn't just kiss you and take care of you in the arena just to get us home. If Gale was in the arena, then I couldn't pretend to be in love with him. We wouldn't be able to fake it because we think of each other as brother and sister. And I wouldn't be able to do that with anyone in District 12. He told me I only could do that was because it was with you. And then he kissed me to prove it to me. That I hated it. I couldn't pretend. And then Haymitch saw it all along. They both told me I've always cared about you," she cried into her hands.

"And you made me feel like I did with my dad. You made me feel safe. And I don't know what to do about that," he cried. He made her feel safe? Not even Gale had made her feel safe. They were in the arena. They weren't safe, but he made her feel these things? She was so broken. She had to feed her family at the age 11. She stopped being a kid the day her dad died. She had to be a grown up that day. She lost all hope. He couldn't stop himself now. He got up and sat next to her and wrapped his arm around her back and squeezed her upper arm.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Peeta told her. She looked up at him.

"Your dad was really nice. He always talked to me when he would come to the back door to bring my dad's squirrels," Peeta said. She sniffed and wiped her nose.

"You really remember him?" she asked. He nodded his head. They sat there for a little while in silence. He couldn't believe how honest she was with him.

"Thank you for telling me, "he told her softly. He rubbed her shoulder and ran his hand up to the back of her neck, squeezing it gently. "I understand you a little bit better,"

"I never meant to hurt you," she whispered and looked at her hands in her lap. "When we came home. And when you had picked those flowers for me on the train track…I never meant to hurt you," she babbled. She wiped at tear streaming down her face. He let out a deep sigh. That moment on the train tracks felt like a stab to the heart.

"I know that. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to explain it," Peeta told her. But she shook her head.

"I couldn't explain it. I'm so confused. And scared of the Capitol. And scared of my nightmares. And I'm scared about what I feel for you,"

"I get nightmares to," he said softly. She looked up at him then. "That's why I was awake. I had another one," he admitted. They stared at each other a moment, and then he pulled her tighter to him, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Aren't you going to say anything about the rest?" she asked. He wanted to ask her a million questions. But he didn't want to do any of that tonight. She had taken care of everyone. She never had a moments rest.

"I want to. I have a lot of things to say. But all that can wait till tomorrow. I just wanna take care of you right now," Peeta told her. She sat up and looked at him.

"What?" He smiled at her surprise and ran his finger across her cheek, and then cupped it. She leaned into his hand a little.

"You take care of everyone. Your mom and your sister. Gale's family. You take care of some of the people in the Seam with trading food and getting them things they need. You take care of Haymitch, and you've taken care of me. So, why don't you try letting someone take care of you for a change," he told her. She just stared at him. He knew she didn't know how to react to that. The last time someone took care of her was when she was 11 years old.

"I'm sure you don't know how to let anyone take care of you. You've forgotten what it feels like since your dad died," he said gently. He could see that in her eyes. She knew he was right. Her breathing became heavier and he saw the raw pain in her face. He scooted forward and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's ok Katniss," he whispered.

"I'm so tired," she let out, and then the sobbing instantly started. She sobbed into Peeta's arms. And not just soft cries. They were loud, gut-wrenching sobs. The sobs that she had probably been building up since the day her father died. And he just held her in his arms and rocked her back and forth. She just needed to cry. She had bottled this up for five years.

After a while she was all cried out though, and they just sat there, with Peeta's arms wrapped around her. "Come on," Peeta whispered and pulled away from her. She looked up at him, drowsy from crying. He leaned forward and scooped her up into his arms.

"I'll take care of you," he whispered and carried her upstairs to his bedroom. She held onto his neck and buried her face in his shoulders. He carried her up the stairs, and into his bedroom, and then one handedly pulled the covers back. He took her slipper boots off and then got into the bed next to her, covering them both up and pulling her to his chest, stroking her back, trying to soothe her.

He felt her relax, but after a moment, she tensed up again. He knew she was at war with herself. She wasn't used to letting someone take care of her. She didn't know how to anymore.

"Just let me take care of you Katniss," he whispered and kissed the top of her head. He ran his fingers down her head lightly. She was just fighting him. He could tell her body wouldn't rest.

"Stop fighting me Katniss," he whispered. "Just relax. Stop over thinking everything. Just let your mind rest. Just let me take care of you. Let me sooth you to sleep," he whispered to her again. He could feel it. Her body was slowly letting that tension go. She was settling more into him.

And before he knew what was happening, she was out like a light.

"Woah," Gale said.

"You have an incredible memory," Finnick told him. Peeta nodded.

"She said I made her feel safe. Like her dad. No one else had ever made her feel safe," Peeta said, trying the words out on his tongue. But he still didn't understand. Why did she try to kill him then?

"It wasn't even something I was able to do for her," Gale said. Peeta stared at him then. Gale sat up straight. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"When I was at the Bakery. That was when you came to talk to me," Peeta said. He took a deep breath. "You told me about the argument you had with her. You told me why you kissed her. And you said you saw me in the window, but you didn't mean to…hurt me I guess,"

"Yeah," Gale said.

"You said you were dying inside, because you didn't know how to help her. Because of her nightmares…you thanked me for bring her back to you," he looked down at his hands. "This whole conversation with you makes sense now," he whispered. He looked up and he was relieved.

"You kept telling me this memory would make sense. It does now. You don't look at Katniss like I do. You never have. She's your best friend. You love her like a sister," Peeta said, shocked by his own words. Gale nodded.

"She's my best friend. She is like my sister. And I would do anything for her," Gale whispered back. Peeta stared up at the ceiling.

"I have all these shiny memories of you and her together," he looked back down, and he was crying. "Snow kept showing them to me. Of you guys kissing. Of you guys…together," he whispered. Gale cringed.

"Peeta did he…did he show you images of them having sex?" Finnick asked. Peeta nodded his head. "Well think about them. Go through them and rip them apart like you've done with every other lie that Snow's to you. Break it down, and you won't feel anything towards it anymore. Peeta nodded, but looked back at Gale.

"You were always telling me the truth," Peeta said. Gale nodded his head. "Are you my friend to?" Peeta asked. Gale put his head into his hands. They were all shocked by his shoulders moving. Gale was…crying. It took him a minute, but then he picked his head up.

"You got my best friend to finally open herself up in a way, that I didn't think she ever would. You made her happy. You asked me to take care of your baby when she came home from the arena," he said and scrubbed his face. No one dared to make a sound. They were all shocked by Gale's words. "I went into the Capitol to save you. I did it for my best friend. For both of my best friends," Gale said and put his head back down.

Finnick squeezed the back of his neck. "It killed me to see you in that disgusting cell. It kills me knowing what they did to you. I feel I can't do anything to help her since she's gotten home from the Games, and now I feel useless with her now," he picked his head up. "This is why I'm fighting so hard to help you. not just for her, but for you to," Gale said.

"God I feel like such a fucking baby," he grumbled and wiped at his face.

"I believe you," Peeta said. They sat there for a while. Thinking of where to go next.

"so what happened after Gale talked to you?" Finnick asked.

"We'll, I went home later on and I cooked her dinner. And she came and we had wine…like a real date," he said. He looked down and chuckled. "We were talking about the wedding cake I helped my dad with. And Prim when they would walk by the Bakery. And then we went into the livingroom,"

"Can I tell you something?" Peeta asked. Katniss nodded her head. "I don't want to rush you into anything," Peeta said. She looked up at him oddly. Alright, here goes nothing.

"I mean…I have feelings for you. And you admitted that you have feelings for me to. But I have this feeling that you think if you open up that window to me, then we have to get married tonight and start a family. And we don't have to do that," Peeta said. He didn't want her to overthink this, so he kept going.

"I'm not gonna lie and say I don't want to be with you. Because I do. I meant everything I said in the arena, and when we got out. I really thought that we were going to be together when we came home," Peeta said sadly as he looked down at his hands. She broke his heart. He picked her flowers, and she ripped out his heart and stomped all over it. Breaking it into a million pieces.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I know. You told me that. Now I understand why you did it. You don't have to be sorry," Peeta told her. He put his mug on the table and scooted over to her. He took her mug and set it down as well and picked up her hands. Just lay it all out there Peeta!

"Katniss…I've loved you since I was 5 years old. You're it for me. Nothing's ever going to change that," Peeta told her. He started to lose his nerve as she started breathing heavier and she tried to pull her hands away, but Peeta held on tightly.

"We can go really slow. We can take our time and get to know each other. We can just be friends," Peeta said. She shook her head.

"God I shouldn't have done this. I can't care about another person," she cried as she yanked her hands away and covered her face. He felt his heart plummet. Oh God, not again. Was she really going to reject him again?

"This is why I shouldn't have come here," She cried and stood up. "I should have left you alone. I didn't mean to hurt you. And I didn't mean to do it again," she sobbed.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't mean to do this again," Katniss said as she turned around and went running to the door. No, he wasn't going to let her go. He jumped up and wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to his chest. She was scared. That's all it was. He had to make her realize that she didn't need to be scared. Not of him. Not of them. He had to slow it down. He had scared her. Now, he had to back track.

"Katniss please stop fighting me," he said and spun her around. "I'm not rushing you into anything I swear. I won't try and kiss you or hold your hand. I won't share my feelings. I promise. We can really be friends. Just don't shut me out again," he whispered. She closed her eyes, letting tears cascade down her cheeks.

"I hate just ignoring each other. So please stop doing it," Peeta said and hugged her tightly to him. She cried into his chest.

"I never wanted to hurt you," she admitted. It made him so sad to have her feel like this. She should be able to be happy. But she wasn't letting herself. She was terrified of being happy.

"I know you didn't. I know you're scared. But you don't have to be scared. Not of me. I just can't go on knowing you hate me like that, and you hate what I represent. It's killing me," Peeta told her. He was the Capitol to her. He was being forced on her. And he didn't want to represent the Capitol to her.

She picked her head up and pushed him. "Please just let me go," she sobbed and pushed at his chest. She stood there and stared at him. He was so hurt. He was so distraught.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I won't do this again to you. I promise. I'm sorry," she sobbed and spun around, yanking the door open and running out the door to her house. His heart was left broken again. She ran from him. Again. She left him alone. Again. She came into his house and told him that she had feelings for him, and then crushed him as soon as he opened himself up to her. As soon as he opened up that window to her, she slammed it down and broke all the windows. Shattering his heart again.

"So she just left me again. I tried to tell her we could be friends. But she just threw me away. She didn't care that she hurt me," Peeta said. He was getting angry.

"Peeta, you know Katniss. Remember the first conversation about why she was afraid to care about you," Gale told him.

"She's a moron when it comes to feelings," Haymitch said.

"Haymitch don't start. That's not gonna help," Finnick told him.

"She made me look like a fool. She told me all that to hurt me. To say she has feelings for me but then take it away," he was starting to get angry. They knew it would happen.

"Snow was right not to trust her. She's a liar!" He screamed. There wasn't anything else to do that day. They had to wait two more days before they could talk to him.

"I don't know what more there is to talk about. She played me for a fool again," Peeta said.

"Me and Gale both knew what took place that night. Not in so much detail until you told us the other day. But we knew. And we still wanted you to remember," Haymitch said. Peeta just stared at him.

"Why would you do that? So you can make fun of me?" Peeta demanded.

"No, so you could see that your relationship with Katniss isn't perfect. She's flawed. And she's a complete idiot and selfish and self-absorbed and completely clueless when it comes to human emotions," Haymitch said. Finnick yanked on his arm.

"Really Haymitch?" Finnick asked. Haymitch rolled his eyes.

"Snow told you Katniss was evil. He's making you doubt us. We could sit here all day and tell you all the good things about Katniss. Make you only remember the good times. But you need to know the truth. That Katniss isn't perfect. She's made a lot of mistakes with you. And she's hurt you really badly," Haymitch told him. He scooted closer and held on to his arm. "But the more memories you recover, the better you'll understand her. You'll see how your relationship led to her being pregnant," Haymitch told him.

Peeta just plopped his head back on his bed. "I can't handle being so confused. I haven't gotten anywhere," Peeta said and yanked on his restraints. He was so frustrated.

"Peeta, look how far you've come. You couldn't remember anything good. You were able to remember so many things before the Games. And then you went through every memory in the Games and you separated the truth from the lies," Finnick said. Peeta picked his head up and looked at him. "Everything that you've pieced together so far, you're confident that's it's the truth. Right?" Peeta nodded his head.

"They're glossy," Peeta said. The three men looked at each other.

"What's glossy?" Haymitch asked.

"The images Snow showed me. They have this…strange quality to them. Their shiny. Like they've been glossed over," he said and then sniffed. "With my memories, I remember what I was thinking and what I was feeling. With the shiny images, all I ever feel is hatred and fear. And I can't hear my own thoughts," Peeta said. The others just looked at each other and smiled.

"Peeta that's amazing. See, you're doing even better than we knew. Peeta, you're gonna get through this. All this confusion…you're gonna get past it," Finnick said and shook his arm.

"Take his restraints off," Haymitch said. They had put them on for today at Haymitch's request, knowing that he'd be hitting a hard memory. Finnick and Gale unstrapped him. "You're gonna get hit with memories that are gonna hurt Peeta. You were sad and depressed. But they're real. You gotta go through them. I promise you'll be ok," Haymitch said. Peeta nodded his head.

So, they went through the hard memories with Katniss. He cried a few times by how lonely he was. The doctors were a little worried because he became depressed. Crying for Katniss in his sleep, saying that she hated him.

When they got to the Victory tour, they strapped him back to the bed. They were having to deal with shiny memories. But his mood lightened once he started going through the memories of repairing their relationship. But Snow showed him videos of him and Katniss having sex on the train.

"Did that really happen?" Peeta asked. Gale shivered, and Haymitch smacked his knee.

"You tell us Peeta. Is it shiny?" Haymitch asked. Peeta closed his eyes.

"Yes,"

"Ok, so what do you do with the shiny images?" Finnick asked.

"I looked for the real memory…all we ever did was sleep. She had really bad nightmares," he whispered, and then opened his eyes.

"You're right. You never did anything but sleep kid," Haymitch said. They talked about the fake proposal, and he told them about a conversation he and Katniss had on the train

"Hi," she whispered as he walked into her room on the train. He had been avoided going into her room as long as he could. He had been sulking in his room all afternoon, once Katniss suggested that they should get married. He didn't want to get married. He wanted a real marriage.

He knew he couldn't avoid coming in here. She had nightmares. She wouldn't get any sleep if he wasn't there.

"Hey," he also whispered as he pulled the covers down and sat down, going to pull them up, but her hand stopped him. She had the piece of paper clutched tightly in her hand.

"I need to tell you something. And I want you to give me chance to say it," she told him. He pulled himself up to sit against the headboard. He was tired, and he was really afraid of what she was gonna say.

"I'm not angry at you, if that's what you're worried about. I understand the situation. It's what we have to do," he said sadly.

"Us getting married for the Capitol won't be real," she blurted out. He looked at her in shock, and she just visibly cringed. He already knew it wouldn't be real. But she didn't have to openly say it. "I have it written out so much nicer. I'm sorry. I told you I'm terrible at this," she said, crumbling the paper.

"You wrote it down?" he asked her curiously, looking down at the crumbled piece of paper. She nodded her head.

"Ok…whatever we have to do for the Capitol…it's for them. It's not for us. But we can make it real," Katniss said. He was confused and he raised his eyebrow. She was making no sense at all to him.

"You and I can make our relationship whatever we want it to be. We're friends. That's real. Marriage for the Capitol I don't care about. Our friendship is real, and that's what I care about," Katniss told him. He nodded his head. That made sense. He didn't want the Capitol to ruin their friendship.

"I know. I like what we started to build between us," Peeta said. She let out a deep sigh of relief. "Your words aren't that bad," he chuckled softly, nudging her shoulder.

"I'm trying. I've been sitting here for hours trying to think of what to say. I wanted to get it right," Katniss said. That touched Peeta. It settled him to know that she cared so much at what they were building. Peeta smiled and he leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you. I really needed to hear that." he told her. She cleared her throat and looked at the paper and then crumbled it again.

"I still have something else to say," she cleared her throat and fidgeted around. Peeta was silent, and patient with her. He knew that whatever it was, it was important for her to say. So, he remained silen. She looked down at her hands.

"You have feelings for me. You've told me that…and I've told you I have feelings for you to. And it still scares me," She whispered. She scrubbed her face. His body went cold. God, was she going to reject him again? Was she going to tell him that all they ever would be, is friends.

"I'm scared of opening up this window to you and letting you crawl through and shut it behind you. I'm scared of losing you," That made him so sad to hear her say that. That she was scared to allow someone to get close to her. But didn't she realize it yet? He would never break her heart.

She cleared her throat again and she picked her head up and looked him right in the eyes.

"If and when we decide to get married…we'll have a toasting. That'll be our marriage. That's what will be real for us," she said. His mouth fell open slightly. What? If…and when? What was Katniss saying?Tthat there would be a chance for them, to be more than just friends? That when she was ready, they'd have a toasting?

He watched as her whole body flushed and she looked back down at her hands. "They can make us sign a paper and have a big wedding, but they can't control what we feel," she whispered. He could tell that she was embarrassed by her own words. They were so hard for her, and that's what made them real. Peeta put his fingers under her chin and tilted her head up to look at him.

"That was the most touching thing you could have ever said to me today," Peeta told her as he released her chin. She smiled at him.

"Good. Because I'm terrible with words and feelings and relationships. Look what I've already done to you. Twice," she said and rolled her eyes. He didn't care about happened before. It was history.

"None of that matters anymore. It's in the past. And I don't have any bad feelings about it anymore. What matters is us, in this moment, right now," he said and leaned in and hugged her tightly.

"Wow. I didn't think she could ever put a group of kind words together without a script," Haymitch said.

The next day they hit a little…well, a conversation that Gale and Haymitch weren't comfortable with. "The night we got back from the Tour. She snuck into my house," Peeta said.

"What did she want?" Finnick asked. Peeta started blushing.

"She told me that she loved me," Peeta whispered.

"Is it shiny?" Gale asked. Peeta shook his head.

"No. And I remember how happy I was. I can feel how happy I was. Being with her that night…it was the best night of my life. I couldn't stand it anymore and I started kissing her. And then we-"both Haymitch and Gale abruptly stood up.

"Ooohkay. I don't need to know the rest of the story," Gale said and shook his head.

"Yeah, I don't either. Look. Why don't we leave you guys to have this conversation. We'll be out here, and we'll turn the mics off, and you can have a private conversation, and just let us know when you're done," Haymitch said.

"Yeah, I really like that idea," Gale said and they ran out of the room. Finnick laughed.

"Well, my friend. I guess it's just you and me. The mics are off, which is a good thing. None of them need to know about your first time. Katniss would be crushed if they knew," Finnick said. Peeta looked at the mirror and then back at him.

"She's a very private person," Peeta said. Finnick nodded his head. "I know I shouldn't talk about it…but I'm confused. I have to say it out loud," Peeta said.

"I know you do. So, let's talk about it. Just you and me," Finnick told him. And he did. He told Finnick about the first time that he and Katniss went further than just kissing. They admitted their love for each other. They fell to his bed, and Peeta was able to make love to Katniss, that very night. The night they both lost their virginities.

"She told me she loved me," he whispered.

"She does. For Someone on the outside looking in, it's easy for me to see it. It was easy for Haymitch and Gale to see it. Katniss seems to be a very stubborn human being, and wasn't able to admit it," Finnick chuckled. It pulled a smile out of Peeta.

"Yeah. She really is stubborn," he said. He looked back down at his hands. "I was really nervous,"

"Everyone is their first time," Finnick told him. Peeta chuckled.

"Yeah. True…she wanted me to take the lead because she didn't know what to do. I didn't know either though," he said, but then looked up at Finnick. "My brothers, especially Rye, they talked about sex all the time. Rye would tell me things in detail," Peeta said, making Finnick laugh.

"Bet it came in handy," Finnick laughed. Peeta nodded his head vigorously.

"It's how I knew how to…" he trailed off and blushed.

Peeta told Finnick all about his first time with Katniss. And the next morning. They talked about how happy he was, but then how he let his mind wander the next couple of days, and then when she came to him, and he thought she regretted it, but she didn't.

The next day Gale went to check up on Katniss. She opened the door and gave a half smile. "Hey," she said and turned around, letting him follow her. She went back to her spot on her bed and curled up with the pillow around her. He sat on the other bed.

"Are you ok?" He asked. She shook her head.

"I'm just really nauseous. And nothing that they have here helps. And the food is fucking disgusting," she said tiredly. Her eyes were red, and she had such dark circles under her eyes.

"Have you been sleeping?" Gale asked. She shook her head. He let out a deep sigh. He knew the pregnancy was making her sick, but not sleeping wasn't helping anything. "I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do," Gale said.

"It's ok. There's nothing anyone can do," Katniss said. But that wasn't true. If Peeta were there, he'd be able to get through to her. He'd be able to take care of her. She'd be able to sleep. And she wouldn't be so sick.

"Well, I was almost scarred for life today. Me and Haymitch both," he chuckled. Katniss opened her eyes. "Peeta was about to tell us about the first-time you guys did it," he laughed. Her eyes widened and she sat up.

"What?" She demanded. Gale laughed again.

"Don't worry. We didn't hear anything. But that's what he's up to in going through all his memories," he said. Katniss looked away. "He's made so much progress Katniss. He knows that everything Snow told him to that point was a lie. He was able to separate the fake images in his head. He's confident about what was real. And-"she got up then and started breathing heavy.

"Stop talking to me about him. He's dead. He's gone. And he's never coming back," she cried. Gale jumped up before she could walk away, and he took her shoulders.

"Stop saying he's dead. He's not dead Katniss. He's in the hospital fighting to come back to you," she shook her head. "Katniss, he misses you. He lov-"

"STOP SAYING THAT! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HIM!" She said as her breathing got heavier.

"Ok Katniss I'm sorry. Just breathe. You know you have to worry about your blood pressure.

"Why did you say anything about him. I don't want to hear anything about him. He's dead. He died in that arena when I left him there," she screamed. That's what she thought?

"Katniss no, that's not true. You didn't leave him there. You were minutes away from dying, you couldn't help him," this is what she had been thinking all along? That she was the reason he was hijacked?

"I sent him to run after Finnick and Johanna and save them. I told him to be a hero and he ended up dying in that arena and it's all my fault!" She screamed at him and fell to her knees and sobbed on the floor. He didn't even know how to react. "He died that day. Snow killed him and it's all my fault," she yelled.

He ran his hands through his hair. Her blood pressure was something that she had to go get checked every day. They were worried about it. Her sobbing like this wasn't good. She had been holding all this guilt back. He had no idea that that is what she was feeling. He got down on the floor with her and out his head next to hers.

"Katniss he's not dead. He's here in 13," he told her. But she shook her head. "Katniss please, he's trying to get through his hijacking. He's remembering who you are. We don't even put restraints on him when he's with us. Katniss he's fighting his way back to you," she snapped her body up and shoved at his chest, making him fall back.

"STOP LYING TO ME! STOP SAYING THAT! I KILLED HIM! I SENT HIM INTO THE ARENA AND HE DIED! HE'S NOT COMING BACK!" She screamed. She grabbed her stomach and cried out, and the door burst open. Finnick came running in.

"I could hear her screaming from the hall. What's wrong?" He asked as he got to his knees and put his hand on her back.

"I set her off," Gale said, feeling so guilty.

"Come on, let's get her to the hospital," Finnick said as they reached down and picked her up. Gale cradled her in his arms as she just sobbed.

"Katniss it's ok. Remember you have to get your breathing under control," Finnick said as they ran with her to the hospital. They instantly got her hooked up to monitors and fluids. Gale and Finnick watched from outside the room as they tried to calm her down.

"I didn't mean to…I just started talking about Peeta and…she thinks she killed him," Gale said quietly. Finnick looked at him. "She thinks it's her fault. And she's convinced herself that he died in the arena," Gale said. Finnick let out a deep breath.

"Well, you already know why she's convinced herself of that. She doesn't want to give in to hope again. She's terrified. It's apparent now more than ever how far in denial she is," Finnick said as he paced. Gale turned around.

"We have to go back in and talk to Peeta," Gale said. Finnick looked up at him.

"We were just-"

"We need to get him through everything. She needs to see him. If he's better, then he won't leave her alone. He's persistent. He'll be in her face every day. He can get through to her. He can make her see reason," Gale said. Finnick felt bad for Gale. Watching his friends like this.

"You know we can't push him too hard. It won't be good. We have to let him rest. When we let him rest he's able to pick right back up, not agitated, and he's able to go at his own pace and we make it through-"

"He's the only one that can get through to her. She's killing herself. Physically, emotionally, mentally. She's blaming herself for him being hijacked. She's convinced herself that he died in the arena. She can't even look down at her stomach or acknowledge that she's having a baby. She needs Peeta," Gale yelled at him. Finnick held his hands up in the air.

"Gale, I'm on your side. I'm on Peeta and Katniss' side. But we have-"

"I can't just sit around and let her get worse. I went to the fucking Capitol for her, to get him back. I promised him that I would take care of her, and I'm failing both of them," Gale said as she slid down against the wall. "She's losing her mind. And I don't know how to stop it," Gale said into his hands. Finnick squatted down and squeezed his shoulders.

"You just keep being there for her. For both of them. You stay patient. No matter how long it takes. You don't let either of them push you away. It's all you can do. It's all any of us can do," Finnick told him.

The next day Finnick walked in by himself. "Where's Haymitch and Gale?" Peeta asked. Finnick sat down on the chair and put his feet on the bed. Peeta wasn't strapped down.

"Haymitch is out there. Waiting for me to give him the go ahead that we're not gonna talk about your sex life anymore today," Finnick laughed. Peeta blushed and chuckled. He fidgeted. "Are we?" Finnick asked.

"Well…I mean, I don't know. I had this…dream last night. But it wasn't a memory. It was of Katniss and I together…but she was pregnant,"

Peeta ran down the hallways, searching for Katniss' room. He called out to her over and over, searching for her. He was panicking. He had to see her. He had to find her. He saw a door and just knew; it was her room. He opened the door and rushed in. She was sleeping. He had never seen what the compartments look like in 13, only his hospital room. So, when he opened the door, all he saw was their bedroom back in 12.

"Katniss," he called out. She opened her eyes and gasped. "Katniss it's me. It's me, Peeta," he whispered. She sat up and looked around.

"What are you doing here?" he took her hands in his.

"I'm not hijacked any more. I'm better. We can be together again," Peeta said. Katniss started crying.

"Are you sure? Please don't tell me yes and then go away again. I can't get my heart broken again," she cried. He leaned forward and grabbed her face.

"I'm sure. I promise Katniss. I'm better," and then they were kissing. He was laying her back and unbuttoning the top couple buttons of her nightgown and pulled it down, revealing her much larger breasts. He ran the back of his knuckle across her breast, and across her nipple, making her moan. He cupped her large breast.

"They're so full Katniss," he whispered and then he leaned down to suckle from her nipple. He suddenly noticed her belly, and pulled her nightgown up over her belly, never breaking away from her breast.

"That's some dream Peeta," Finnick laughed.

"I feel confused," Peeta said, looking at his hands. Finnick knew by now to let Peeta work these things out on his own. It made him more confident in figuring out what was real and fake. "I woke up…and I was happy. I was satisfied. But then this other part of me remembers that she tried to kill me and the baby. But then I feel like I want that life with her. I want to be in bed with her. I want to be naked with her, while she's pregnant," Peeta told him. Finnick nodded his head.

"I just feel like I'm still living in two different worlds. And it's killing me," Peeta said and wiped at his eyes.

"I know it is. And you've come a really long way. So, let's talk more. Let's start sorting out more memories. Can I invite Haymitch back in yet?" Finnick asked. Peeta shook his head and Finnick chuckled. Peeta looked back up at him.

"You only mentioned Haymitch. Where's Gale?" Peeta asked. Finnick let out a deep sigh and sat back.

"Honestly. He's having a rough day…why don't I call Haymitch in, and we can have a conversation," Finnick said. Peeta nodded his head. Finnick waved at the mirror, and Haymitch came back in.

"So, we're done with the sex talk then?" Haymitch said as he squeezed Peeta's shoulder and pulled up a chair.

"I think we need to take a short break. He wants to talk about where Gale is," Finnick said. Peeta looked at Haymitch expectedly. Haymitch nodded his head.

"You sure you wanna know what's going on? Because what's wrong with Gale, has to do with Katniss," Haymitch said.

"I'm confused. And I wanna be with her. But then I remember she was trying to kill me and the baby in the Games," Peeta said. Haymitch hated seeing him so confused.

"Katniss isn't doing well kid," Haymitch told him honestly.

"What's wrong with her? Is it the baby? Is the baby ok?" Peeta asked, looking back and forth. Finnick sat up and shook Peeta's leg.

"The baby's fine. It's not like that," Finnick said and looked to Haymitch.

"You've always been the one to get through to Katniss. When she goes into that dark place, you're the one that pulls her out. And…she doesn't give into hope. She doesn't hope for something good to happen. Because the few times that she has hoped for something good, it's been taken away from her. And not just, take it away and give it back five minutes later. I mean take it away and…"

"Like her father," Peeta said. Haymitch nodded. "She was happy. And then her dad was killed. And then in the Games, when they said two people could win, and then they took it back. Like that?" Peeta asked.

"Exactly like that. And she's told you how hard she took it when her dad died. It changed her whole world. Inside and out," Haymitch said and looked over at Finnick.

"The night you were being rescued…Katniss and I sat together. And we waited for you guys. And she was smiling. It was the first time I had ever seen her smile. A real one. Not a Capitol smile. She was looking down at her stomach. And holding it," Finnick said and looked down at her hands. "And I said something about you'll be surprised, because her bump just came out overnight. And she said, He'll be happy…it's what he's wanted this whole time. To be a family with me. He wanted me to have this baby on my own but now we get to do it together. I haven't let myself be happy about this baby, but now I can be because he's coming back to me,"

Peeta just stared at Finnick. "She was so happy. She gave everything she had into seeing you again…but then…" Finnick couldn't look at Peeta anymore.

"I tried to kill her," Peeta said softly. They all sat there. Each lost in their own thoughts. "Gale's upset because he doesn't know what to do for Katniss. And Katniss is stuck in her mind and avoiding everyone and every feeling. And she's avoiding that she's pregnant no matter how big she gets," Peeta said. Both Haymitch and Finnick looked at each other. He wasn't looking at them, he was staring straight ahead.

"Peeta?" Haymitch asked. Peeta looked at them.

"I want to keep going. I want to figure these memories out. Because I know she needs me…and I'm no good to her like this. She needs me to be strong. And I'm going to be," he told them. Finnick smiled. "So, Haymitch, do you mind giving me and Finnick some time?" Peeta asked. Finnick snorted.

"How long?" Haymitch demanded. Peeta made a face and Finnick burst out laughing. "That was all you two did wasn't it? She'd sneak into your house every night and-"

"Ok old man. Leave the kid alone," Finnick laughed as he pushed on Haymitch.

"Should I just take the damn day off?" Haymitch demanded. Peeta nodded his head, and it only pushed Finnick over the edge before he literally fell out of his seat laughing. Peeta smiled. He felt good for once.

"I was able to mix something together. Put this in your tea every morning. It's going to help you with your blood pressure, and hopefully this won't make you nauseous," her mother said as she placed it down on her table in her compartment.

"Thank you," Katniss said as she sat on her bed. She rubbed her stomach, and then as soon as she realized what she was doing she yanked her hand away.

"It's ok to touch your stomach. It won't hurt the baby," her mom said as she sat next to her. Katniss just looked away. "I wish there was something I could do to take away all your pain," her mom said. Katniss took a deep breath in but let a very shaky one out.

"Me to," she said.

"Why don't you try and rest. Prim said she'd bring you some dinner," her mom said and helped her lay down. She let her mom tuck her in and let her drag her hands through her hair. It was soothing, and before she knew it, she was asleep.

"Katniss," Peeta called. Katniss got out of bed and pushed open the bathroom door, being hit in the face with steam.

"Peeta?" she asked. The steam cleared, and there was Peeta, sitting in the bathtub.

"Take a bath with me," he called out to her. Katniss smiled and pulled all her clothes off and got into the bathtub and leaned her body back against his. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck.

"I never feel safe unless I'm in your arms," Katniss told him.

"I'd love to keep you in my arms all day. Both of my girls," he told her. She felt his hands on her belly, but when she opened them, the baby was in her arms, and his arms were around both of them. She looked at Peeta.

"When did she get here?" she asked.

"She's been here for a while," Peeta said and kissed her cheek. Katniss looked down at her. Beautiful blonde hair with grey eyes. "She's so beautiful," Peeta said. Katniss nodded her head.

"You weren't careful though," Peeta said. Katniss looked up at him, but he was gone. She looked back down, and the baby was gone. She was pregnant again, but she was bleeding.

"You really should be more careful with your things Mrs. Everdeen," Snow said. She looked up and he was holding two heads in his hands.

Katniss sat up screaming. "PEETA!" She looked around for him. Snow was going to kill him. Snow was going to cut off his head. She ran to the bathroom and barely made it before she started throwing up in the toilet. After her stomach was emptied, she collapsed on the floor. Snow sent Peeta's body back to her in 13. Snow killed him a long time ago. He sucked Peeta's soul out of his body. Where was he now? Was he safe? Was he in any pain? Did he hate her?

"Peeta," she sobbed. She curled into herself and held her stomach. Her baby was moving. "I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry I left both of you down," she sobbed.

Haymitch practically had to drag her out of her compartment the next day, and down to Command for a meeting. "Well. Mrs. Everdeen. It's nice to finally see you again," Coin said. Katniss didn't even acknowledge the comment.

"Where am I going?" Katniss asked.

"To District 2. We're gonna-"Plutarch tried to say, but Katniss interrupted him.

"When do I leave?" she asked.

"In a few hours. So what we're gonna do is-"she stood up and turned around, and walked out of Command. Plutarch rolled his eyes and threw up his pen.

"She was here all of two seconds," Coin said.

"Cut her some slack. She had a really bad night last night," Haymitch said.

"She seems to have a lot of those," Coin argued.

"Well, she's pregnant. And she's been through two arenas. You tell her where she needs to be, and she's gonna be there. It's all she needs to know," Haymitch said and stood up.

Finnick came to visit Peeta by himself. "Hey Peet. I got something exciting to ask you," Finnick said and sat down on the floor. Peeta was sitting on the floor leaning against the wall, drawing in a sketch pad. Peeta looked up and smiled.

"Sure. What is it?" Peeta asked.

"Well, remember I told you that Annie and I were getting married here?" Finnick asked. Peeta nodded his head. "Well, we wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to make our wedding cake?" Finnick asked. Peeta's eyes widened with excitement.

"Really?" Peeta asked. Finnick nodded. "Oh my God. I'd love to. I'd really love to. Thank you. What tools and ingredients do I have to work with? I gotta see it all first before I can figure out what colors and designs…"Finnick let him ramble for a bit. Peeta was excited. It was amazing to see him excited about something.

So, while everyone was in District 2, Finnick worked with Peeta on his memories. Peeta was allowed to start walking the halls and was able to eat in the cafeteria. It did wonders for Peeta. Finnick watched as the normal interactions Peeta had with people help him. It was helping him and Peeta go right through his memories.

It was easy at first with the beginning of Peeta and Katniss' relationship. But then started getting harder as they talked about the fear of what Snow was doing. Gale's whipping. Turning the electricity back on the fence. The announcement of the Quarter Quell. Their training. Finding out Katniss was pregnant.

Peeta spent a lot of time crying as he went through it all over again. Pushing Katniss away. Stopping Katniss from taking her own life. Saying goodbye to everyone. It took its toll on Finnick too. He'd go back to his own compartment each night to Annie and would just be so emotionally exhausted he couldn't even talk.

"Katniss is going live in a few minutes. They're getting some Loyalists to surrender and they're taking control of the Nut," Finnick said as he turned the tv on.

"Do you think it'll work?" Peeta asked. Finnick shrugged.

"Do you think Katniss can be persuasive?"

"Yes. She doesn't understand the effect she has on people," Peeta said.

"Very true," Finnick said as he made himself comfortable.

"She could convince me all the time that she was in love with me just to trick me and try to kill me in the Games. I never saw it coming. That's why I almost died in the fog," Peeta said. Finnick looked at him and his face was getting red.

"Hey Peeta. Look at me," Peeta looked at him. "Did Snow tell you that? That she tried to kill you with the fog?" Finnick asked.

"Yes,"

"And what have you learned so far about Snow?"

"That's he's the one that's been lying to me," Peeta said. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing and his fists unclenched. "Thank you," he told Finnick. He laid back against his bed.

"I can't wait to go through the memories of the arena I hate being so confused about her. I love her so much one minute and then I want to kill her because she murdered my family," he said through clenched teeth. Finnick tapped his leg.

"Remember? Who told you that?" Finnick asked. Peeta sat back again and unclenched his jaw and fists.

"Snow," he picked his head up. He rubbed his eyes. "I hate this," Peeta said miserably. He patted his leg again.

"I know," Finnick said. The tv came on and they watched as Katniss ran to the train. Peeta gasped.

"She's gotten bigger," Peeta said, mesmerized by Katniss.

"How many months is she now?" Peeta asked. He scratched his head. I think I know. But I get confused," Finnick looked at him.

"How long do you think it's been?"

"I think she's between five and a half and six months," Peeta said. Finnick smiled.

"She's about five and a half. Good job," Finnick said and looked back to the tv. Finnick watched Peeta out of the corner of his eye. He could visibly see the battle going on his head. One minute he'd look like the old Peeta, and then he'd snarl and be the weapon to destroy Katniss.

Peeta was incredible to Finnick. Peeta's strength is unparalleled to anything he's ever seen. His determination was unbelievable. The way he separated the brain washing videos that he was shown in the Capitol, and from is real memories was just…there were no words to explain it. Incredible. Once Peeta was confident that it was fake, he never believed it again. When he'd get angry at Katniss and believed she had tried to kill him, he never brought up moments from the first Games anymore. He knew they were all lies. He only brought up the moments from the Quarter Quell.

Finnick shook himself out of his thoughts when he heard Katniss start talking to the Loyalists. Peeta jumped when someone held her at gunpoint. "Oh God!" He yelled. And then, a shot rang out. Someone had shot Katniss and the live feed had ended. Peeta started screaming.

"KATNISS NO!" Peeta jumped up and started throwing things, hitting the wall. Finnick grabbed him from behind as doctors ran in. "They killed her! They killed my wife. They killed my baby. She deserved it. No, she didn't. She needs to die," he sobbed. He was fighting his inner demons and it was killing Finnick to listen to.

Katniss was rushed back to District 13. She was lucky. Her suit kept her, and the baby protected from any bullets. She had a bruised rib. That was it. "That baby is like a superhero in there," Haymitch said as he stood over Katniss' bed as they wrapped her stomach.

"Cinna made sure it was protected," Katniss said.

"Cinna made sure you and your baby were protected," he corrected her. She nodded her head. "I need you to let Peeta in the room and let a nurse show him on the ultrasound machine that the baby and you are both alive and that you're safe," Haymitch told her. She closed her eyes.

"He watched you get shot. It sent him into a rampage, and he's confused and he's emotional. And he just needs to see it for himself…" Haymitch trailed off and looked at his hands. She didn't want to ask. But she knew she needed to.

"Just say whatever it is you need to say," she whispered.

"He had to be sedated because he remembered when you tried to kill yourself in the meadow," he told her. Katniss closed her eyes. She just needed to save Peeta. She needed to save him from having to go into the arena. Save him from living a life as a slave to the Capitol. She needed to set him free…she needed to set him free.

"Ok," she whispered. She needed to set him free.

"Ok?" he asked. She nodded her head. That night, they brought her into a room, and she laid down on the table with her gown up, exposing her stomach, and she waited for him. She kept her eyes closed as she heard the door open.

"Come on Peet," she heard Finnick say. She concentrated on her breathing.

"She has a bruise," Peeta said.

"Yeah, she does. That's where the bullet hit her. But then Cinna made her suit bullet proof. It hurt her, and it bruised her. But she's ok. And so is the baby. That's what the nurse is gonna show you, ok?" Finnick said. Peeta nodded his head.

"Are you ok?" Peeta asked. It was a knee jerk reaction to open her eyes and look at him when he asked her that. It sounded just like him. She gulped and moved her eyes away. He looked beautiful. He wasn't so skinny anymore. "Why won't she answer me?" Peeta snapped. There was the weapon. She squeezed her eyes shut.

"Sweetheart, come on. Don't do that. He needs answers. It'll help him," Haymitch said. She let out a shaky breath.

"I'm ok," she whispered and let the tears fall down her face. Just to be in the same room as him was killing her. She just wanted him to hold her. She wanted to feel those arms wrapped around her, telling her everything was ok.

She felt his hand on her stomach and he pushed. The baby started kicking and he started laughing. "She's kicking again. Do you think she can hear me?" Peeta asked.

"Babies in the womb can hear you. They know the sound of the voices who are around them the most. It's how baby's instantly feel comforted after they're born. They recognize their parents' voices. She's moving around like crazy right now. She definitely can hear you," the nurse said. That didn't make Katniss feel any better. The baby was so active at this moment. She had never felt it move around this much. And the nurse just confirmed what Katniss had been trying to not think about. The baby loved the sound of her daddy's voice.

Katniss didn't listen to Peeta talk with the nurse. He was asking so many questions. Like any dutiful father would…like her Peeta would. So many pregnancy questions. The nurse updated him on everything that he had missed so far, and everything that would be happening. Katniss couldn't help it, she opened her eyes and looked down at her belly. Peeta had been standing at the table, caressing her belly the entire time. Rubbing soothing motions all around. Calming their daughter. Playing push with each other. Her breath caught in her throat. Was he there? Was her Peeta there?

Haymitch, Gale and Finnick had been trying to tell her over and over again that he was getting better. Was it true? Was he going to make a full recovery? Was he right under the surface? Would he be able to take care of this baby?...was it time to set him free now?

Katniss didn't know when everyone had stopped talking, but she was shocked to feel a finger at her face. She startled and met sparkling blue eyes. He wiped up a tear. "I watched you die…on tv…when I saw it…I remembered the meadow. How I chased you after you swallowed sleeping pills. And I made you throw them up," he whispered. Blue eyes. Peeta's blue sparkling blue eyes. Her Peeta was there. He was right there. She just had to grab him. She reached her hand up.

And then they started changing color. Darker. "Snow told me you were trying to kill my baby. You were trying to kill this baby right here that you're carrying," he glared at her. No. He wasn't there…she made him this way. This was her fault. Being in Peeta's life was what was doing this.

She shoved his hand away and sat up. "I have to go," she whispered. No one stopped her from leaving and she walked out of the room. She was supposed to go back to her hospital room, but she wanted nothing to do with that. She was the one that was making Peeta act like this. Her presence alone is what was torturing him.

She went back to her compartment and didn't even bother locking it. If she found a comfortable position, she didn't want to have to get up to unlock the door for someone to come in. She didn't find a comfortable position of course. And someone did knock on her door. She didn't bother telling them to come in. They just did. It was Haymitch, Gale and her mother. Her mom came and sat next to her and wrapped her arm around her and pulled Katniss to rest her head on her shoulder.

"You ok?" Haymitch asked. Katniss shrugged. "I know that was hard for you. But it helped him. He's gonna be able to focus tomorrow when we try and go through more memories. We're hoping that in a month we can have him all sorted out," Haymitch said. Katniss just didn't respond.

"Once Snow found out I loved him, he hijacked him and tortured him. Loving Peeta is what got him killed. If he's gonna have any chance of a life, I have to let him go. Not being with me will protect him," Haymitch, Gale and Emily just stared at each other.

"No darling. Loving Peeta isn't what…he didn't die. He was hijacked. And loving him is what's saving him now," her mother tried.

"He'll be safer without me in his life," Katniss said, silent tears streaming down her face.

"And what about the baby?…." Gale asked. Katniss sat up and wiped at her face.

"His eyes were blue the entire time he was talking about the baby…but the second he spoke to me, his eyes darkened, and he believed what Snow brainwashed him to think…I'm the one that's torturing him now…so, the baby will go with him," she said.

"What?" Gale demanded. She let out a sob and put her hand to her chest.

"He's already been punished enough. I'm not gonna keep punishing him by keeping his baby from him. He'll be a perfect dad to her. I'm not going to keep hurting him. I'll take care of it until it's born, and then Peeta can have her, and take her far away from me so I can't cause them any more pain," she sobbed and stood up and walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

"So, what are we supposed to do now?" Gale asked the next day. Pacing up and down the hallway outside of Peeta's room.

"We're sticking with the plan Gale," Haymitch told him.

"He's more centered again. We're gonna get him to buckle down and we're gonna get through his memories. We gotta tackle the Quarter Quell," Finnick said.

"Plutarch said that they centered most of his brainwashing surrounding the Quarter Quell. I don't know how fast we're gonna be able to get through these," Haymitch said as he started pacing himself.

"Well, we don't let up. We keep at it. I want him at my wedding. I want to get Peeta on camera and show Snow that he didn't beat him. Peeta persevered. And recovered from his hijacking. I want him to dance with Katniss," Finnick said and scrubbed his face.

"Show them off on camera again," Gale said dryly.

"This time for nothing but good reasons. The bests reasons," Finnick clarified. Gale nodded his head. They all stared at each other quietly for a minute. "Maybe she should see Dr. Aurelius. He's really amazing with Peeta. With Annie and Johanna. I've been talking with him and…he's really helped me. He could be helpful for her to," Finnick said.

"I know…she's not gonna listen to me if I suggest it. I'll have Prim work on her. And, if she still refuses, then I'll say she loses her single compartment," Haymitch said. He hated forcing these things on her. Making her bend to his will just so she can be by herself. But he felt like it was the only way to get through to her sometimes. How else was he supposed to get through to her? His name was Haymitch Abernathy. Not Peeta Mellark.

"Come on let's go in. Gale's nervous energy really unsettles me," Finnick said. Gale flicked him off. "Hey Peeta. Doing good today?" Finnick asked when he came in. Peeta was at his table…coloring. "Where'd you get those?" Finnick asked. Peeta turned the sketchbook over.

"I'm drawing your cake. You can't see it yet," Peeta said. Finnick clapped him on the back.

"No worries. I trust you. So does Annie," Finnick said. Peeta smiled at him, and his smile faltered a little when he took in Haymitch and then Gale.

"I don't like when Gale's like this. It's unsettling," Peeta said. Finnick held out his arms and Gale flicked him off again.

"Did ya tell him to say that?" Gale asked. Finnick laughed.

"I didn't have to. When you get worked up, you make everyone around you nervous," Finnick told him. Gale rolled his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Peeta asked.

"It's just…Katniss stuff," Haymitch said.

"Remember. We talked about it when they were in District 2. He's just…having a hard time. She's having a hard time. We all are," Finnick said. Peeta put down the green crayon and let out a deep breath.

"We should get to work then. I'd feel better if you started strapping me down again," Peeta said, looking right at Haymitch. "I wanna push myself. And I don't know how that's gonna go. Especially when I think about the Quell, because I get so angry. But then I think about getting married and I calm down…I want that life with her, but then I get scared that she's gonna hurt me and the baby. So, I need to get through this. I want to. So, you need to push me," this time Peeta turned to Gale.

"You're the best for that. Push me until I'm broken. Until I'm done. I want my life back. I want out of this damn room. And I want to be with my wife and baby. I just have to get out of here and Katniss will be mine again," Peeta said, determined. The other three just looked at each other. "What?" Peeta asked. Gale and Finnick looked to Haymitch for this one, and he just rolled his eyes.

"Katniss is…she was upset last night. After she left…she thinks it would be better, that once she has the baby…that she gives the baby to you…and she lets you go," Haymitch said slowly. Gauging his reaction. Finnick felt Peeta tremble, and he put his hand on his shoulder.

"Peeta. She needs help. She depressed. She's not thinking straight," Finnick reminded him.

"She doesn't love me anymore? Because I tried to kill her?" he asked in a small voice. Finnick went to say something, but Gale stepped in front of Peeta.

"Don't get soft," Gale said sternly. "Snow fucked with her head to. He didn't use trackerjacker venom on her. But she's terrified right now anyway. She thinks she's gonna fail the baby like she thinks she failed you. So, she's gonna punish herself, and give up her own happiness. She thinks by giving you the baby, she's setting you free to be happy. So, you love her. Get off your ass, don't cry and get through these fucking memories and get back to her. Because I can't take care of her anymore," Gale told him. He held his arms out.

"I've done a for shit job. I failed in taking care of her. You're the only one that can. We need you. So, I'll yell in your face all fucking day Peeta. Just…get out of here, and help her," Gale begged him. Haymitch stood up and shook Gale's shoulder.

"That's the nervous energy I mentioned," Finnick said. Gale kicked at Finnick's foot.

"Strap me down Haymitch. Now," Peeta said.

It was grueling from there on out. The worst of Peeta's brainwashing was to come to light. He tried to break out of his restraints and attack Haymitch the day they talked about the Reaping. According to Peeta, Effie called out Haymitch's name, but Haymitch and Katniss shoved Peeta forward with Katniss yelling, 'Peeta volunteers as tribute,'

Peeta was brainwashed into thinking everyone had turned against him during training. That they were all plotting against him. The moment that he was sent into the arena, and another Victor tried to drown him, Snow made Peeta think that it was Finnick that tried to drown him. Once it was settled that he didn't, he had to finally be allowed to watch the very beginning of the Games. Peeta watched himself be attacked, and Finnick saving him and bringing him to Katniss. They had also let him see what everyone saw when Katniss first came up from the tubes. How she was already in pain.

"What happened to her?" Peeta demanded.

"Katniss told you what happened later on. The short version. Don't try and worry about it now Peeta. Remember? Just let it come naturally," Finnick said.

"Did she lose the baby?" he demanded.

They had to take it slowly. Slower than anyone wanted them to take it. But Peeta was in constant fear of not only Katniss, but he was terrified of Finnick and Haymitch, and that any other Victor could come walking in and kill him.

"Hey, calm the fuck down already. Can you just take a damn minute to collect yourself?" Gale demanded. He walked over to the bed. "Just close your eyes and start thinking about a good memory. One that you've been able to claim back as your own," Gale snapped at him. Peeta listened to him. Peeta always listened to Gale.

It was an emotional roller coaster, taking its toll physically, emotionally and mentally on all of them, especially Peeta. One moment, he was terrified for Katniss and his baby. Then, he'd be seeing Katniss trying to kill him and the baby. Trying to get through one little moment was excruciating. It took over two weeks to get over everything with the Quell, with Peeta finally believing, Katniss, nor did anyone else in the Quell, ever try to kill him.

"She was dying. In my arms," Peeta whispered. Haymitch rushed and took the restraints off of him, and he grabbed Peeta's face.

"She was Peeta. But we got her back to 13. They saved her,"

"She was bleeding," Peeta said.

"It was a few of her organs that were bleeding," Finnick told him.

"She couldn't even go to the bathroom. I brought her out to the water over and over again because she said she had to pee, but she couldn't go. And then I sat her on a rock…how humiliating do you think it was? Having to be carried around, and sat down on a rock where everyone was watching you try and relieve yourself?" he whispered.

"It was her kidneys. They were…minutes away from shutting down completely," Gale said.

"She bought herself some time by peeing on Johanna," Haymitch said dryly. Finnick laughed.

"I'll never get over Katniss peeing on Johanna," Finnick said as he sat on the hospital bed next to Peeta, nudging his shoulder.

"She was minutes away from dying…I said goodbye to her," he whispered and started to cry. Gale never let him cry anymore. He pushed Peeta. Almost brutally. But Gale didn't move a muscle. Not this time.

"I know you did kid. But…she made it onto the hovercraft. And we got her to 13 in the nick of time. They had to give her a kidney transplant. They removed her spleen. They had to repair a lot of her liver and intestines. Somehow, when that Peacekeeper kicked her…he missed the baby. He got every other body part, but he missed your daughter," Haymitch said, holding his face to make sure that Peeta didn't lose eye contact. "And somehow survived a beating, poisonous fog, drowning and electrocution. That baby has been surviving all this hard trauma that Katniss keeps getting hit with, and she still survives. There's no reason why either of them should still be alive, but they are," Haymitch said.

"And so are you Peeta," Finnick said. Peeta closed his eyes.

"We have to keep going. There's still stuff that's in my head," Peeta opened his eyes back up and looked at Gale. "Like Snow showing me videos of you and Katniss. In MY bed. Together. After they left me in the Capitol!" Peeta yelled at him.

Gale stomped over to him and shoved his shoulder. "Look at it asshole. Tell me if it's shiny," Gale demanded.

"YOU FUCKED MY WIFE!" Peeta screamed.

"ANSWER MY QUESTION!" Gale yelled back. Peeta closed his eyes.

He remembered being hijacked. He remembered the torture. The beatings. The lies. The manipulations. After a few months of all this searching through every memory he had, Peeta finally opened his eyes and looked around. It was all different now. It was like fogginess had been lifted. He went through his life in his mind. He could go anywhere in his mind. Any where in his life, and he wasn't confused anymore.

Peeta covered his mouth. "Peeta?" he started laughing and crying at the same time.

"Oh my God!" he cried into his hands. He was laughing again and looked at them. "I'm me again," he cried. He grabbed onto Haymitch. "I could go through all my memories as much as I wanted. It wasn't until I remembered them when they actually hijacked me…"he started sobbing and he put his hands on his head and held onto his hair.

"There were so many voices in my head. It was so loud. And it's so quiet now," he covered his face with his hands.

"Did we actually do this?" Gale asked out loud. Haymitch stood up and wiped at his face. He turned around and grabbed Gale and hugged him tightly, and then pulled back and grabbed Gale's face this time.

"You think you were failing them. You couldn't have been more wrong. Because this," he said, pointing to Peeta. "This was all you. You're the one who planned this. You're the one that saw it through," he pointed his finger into Gale's chest. "You saw this through to the end. And that boy is gonna walk out of here and get his life back, and that's all because of you. You kept your promise to him kid. Never forget that" Haymitch said and scrubbed at his face.

"Peeta," Finnick said, squeezing his shoulder. Peeta looked up.

"Please get me out of here now. I have to go see her. She needs me…I need her," Peeta begged them. Gale laughed.

"God, are you fucking kidding me that this worked?" Gale hit the wall in excitement and started laughing.

"Haymitch let's get this kid out of here. He's gotta get his girl back," Finnick said, standing up and clapping Peeta on the shoulder. Haymitch laughed.

"Come on boy, let's go," Haymitch said. Peeta jumped up, but then three doctors stepped in.

"Mr. Abernathy. I think maybe we should let Peeta get some rest for the night, and then tomorrow we can discuss having him meet with Katniss. Work on a plan to release him back into the general population," Dr. Aurelius said.

"Release him? Like he's a dog?" Haymitch asked.

"Please Mr. Abernathy. It's been a hard couple of weeks and- "

"I need to be with my wife. She's all that matters right now. I'm fine now. I made it through all of this…brainwashing that Snow put me through. All I care about is letting Katniss know that I'm ok. That I can take care of her and our baby," Peeta said. The three doctors looked at each other.

"We're very happy to hear this Mr. Mellark. Because this is the outcome that everyone has wanted. But we need to keep working on this as carefully as we've always done. With Katniss not wanting to see you, it makes it very difficult to have been working on that side of our plan. You were created as a weapon to kill her Mr. Mellark," the female doctor reminded him. "We need to work with her to see if you can be triggered by something- "

"I'm not gonna be triggered. I know who I am. I know myself. And I'm one hundred percent better. The only thing I need to be worrying about now is Katniss and our baby. I need to be released from this hospital. Tonight. Now," Peeta said.

"I'm sorry. But we can't allow that," Dr. Aurelius told them. Peeta looked to Haymitch desperately.

"Please Haymitch. Get me out of here. She's been…she's been alone. Inside her own head for way too long. Please get me out of here. I need to be with her," he pleaded silently. Haymitch grabbed him and pulled him into a hug.

"I won't let you down again kid," Haymitch whispered into his ear and then let him go. Haymitch, Gale and Finnick fought with the doctors, but they refused to release him from the hospital. They had more tests to run before they could allow him to be out with the general public again.

"I have an idea," Finnick said when the three of them left Peeta's room. He waited till he was sure no one was around. "We need Johanna," Finnick said.

Around midnight, Johanna snuck in to see the male nurse that was watching outside Peeta's room. She distracted him while Finnick snuck into Peeta's room. Peeta wasn't sleeping. He couldn't sleep. Finnick hurried him out and the four of them snuck out of the hospital.

"Thank you, guys. So much. Not just for sneaking me out. For everything," Peeta said and stopped. They all looked at him. "For everything," he whispered. Finnick squeezed his shoulders. Peeta nodded and followed them to a different floor and down some hallways and stopped in front of a door. Peeta wiped at his face.

"We'll just…go in behind you. Make sure that everything's ok," Haymitch said. Peeta eyed him. "I trust you Peeta…but she's not in her right frame of mind," he told him. Peeta nodded his head. He opened the door and walked into her compartment. The light above the opposite bed was on low, but it was enough that he could see her in the other bed. He walked slowly over to it and bent down on his knees.

"Katniss," he whispered. He was home. He was with her again. They were finally reunited. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. One of his tears landed on her cheek. "Katniss…wake up," he whispered. He picked her hand up and brought it to his lips.

"Peeta," she breathed out, and he chuckled.

"Yes love, it's me. Open your eyes Katniss," he told her. She moved around a little, trying to wake herself up. She opened her eyes and moved them around. She gasped when she saw him. "Don't be scared. It's ok. It's just me," he chuckled and picked her hand up again.

"I'm not gonna do anything. I won't hurt you again. I swear. Katniss I'm ok," he cried and kissed her hand. "It's me. It's me, I'm back. I'm right here. I have been fighting this whole entire time…" he let out a sob and cupped her cheek. "I was fighting for you. He was trying so long to brainwash me. And I kept fighting because all I could think about was getting back to you," he cried. He stared at her. She was unmoving. Her reaction was…he didn't understand.

"Katniss," he whispered. He leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled back. Then she did something he didn't understand. She turned her back. "Katniss? Please, baby I'm right here," he said. Uncertainty in his own voice.

"Take him away," Katniss said, emotionlessly. Peeta looked over at Haymitch, Gale and Finnick standing there. None of them looked surprised. Peeta turned back to Katniss.

"Katniss I'm not going anywhere. I fought to come back to you. So, me, and you and our baby can be together. We get to be a family together," he whispered. Losing his confidence. She didn't turn around. "Katniss," he whispered. She struggled to pull herself to a sitting position.

"I was sleeping. Do none of you care of about that?" she cried. She covered her face. "I was sleeping, and I haven't slept in months. And you wake me up and ambush me again," she yelled at them and cried into her hands. "I'm not giving into this ever again," she said and pulled her hands away from her face.

"Don't come back into this room. I am never giving into…whatever we were. It wasn't real. So, get out!" she sobbed. But Peeta couldn't move. He was too stunned. "Stop doing this to me. Stop forcing him on me. That's all everyone's ever done is force Peeta on me. And I can't take it anymore. I can't do this anymore!" she sobbed. Gale ran forward and pulled Peeta up from his position and sat down on the bed and pulled Katniss to him.

"No Katniss. It's not like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's ok. Just calm down. Your blood pressure Katniss," Gale reminded her. Peeta just stood there. Had he just fought the venom from the moment he saw her the night he was rescued, it would be his arms that would be around Katniss right now.

He felt hands on his shoulders. "Come on kid. We shouldn't have ambushed her like this. She's right," Haymitch said. Him and Finnick pulled Peeta out of her compartment.

"Was I forcing myself on her to? Have I been doing that this whole time?" Peeta asked. He knew that Snow and the Capitol forced Peeta on her. And at times, Haymitch forced him on Katniss. But they were the ones doing it now. Was he apart of that as well?

"No Peeta. You never did. That's why she got out of her head, and you got her. Because you never…" Haymitch trailed off and looked at Finnick. "I wasn't trying to force him on her," Haymitch told Finnick.

"I know that" Finnick said. But Katniss' words not only cut through Peeta, but they cut through Haymitch's as well. And by the way he reacted, they cut through Gale as well. "We did what we had to. We did the right thing. He's the only one that can get through to her now," Finnick told Haymitch. He turned back to Peeta and grabbed his shoulders.

"She just got woken up. She just needs time to process that your back. It's just gonna take a minute. And she'll be back in your arms before you know it," no truer words were ever not spoken before.

They got caught sneaking Peeta back into his room. The doctors knew that he saw Katniss. So, they had to change their plans. Would seeing Katniss for the first-time trigger Peeta, was off the table. He saw her. It was over now.

He was allowed to leave the hospital and see people. He even went to Command to attend a meeting. Peeta stopped when he saw Katniss. There were terrible dark circles under her eyes. He longed to take her back to her compartment and hold her while she tried to get some sleep. The need to take care of her was overwhelming.

"Mr. Mellark," someone said, bringing him out of his daydream. A woman with long gray hair sat at the large table. "I'm President Coin. Please, have a seat," she said, holding her arm out. He went and sat down.

"It's nice to finally meet you," she said.

"Thank you. You as well," Peeta said. He sadly tuned her out after that. He looked across the table and watched Katniss. How had it come to this? How could there be this…mountain, between them. It had never been this big before. They should be sitting at this table together right now. Holding hands. Supporting each other. Celebrating in the fact that they were together. They made it through two arenas together. And that they were bringing their daughter into the world.

But instead, he was sitting on the opposite side of the table, watching this broken girl who had given up fighting. He didn't even realize that the meeting was over. He watched as Haymitch, and Katniss talked.

"I got some news for you Sweetheart…Peeta's moving into your compartment," her eyes widened as she stared at him.

"What? No, he's not. You said I could have my own compartment. So, I could be by myself,"

"And you agreed to the terms of said single compartment, which by the way, there's two beds. You're supposed to share with someone. And you've proven that you can't be by yourself anymore," they had been fighting with her to get out of bed. To talk. To be around people. Haymitch had been so involved with Peeta, that he was letting Katniss fall. Now, it was Katniss' turn to have the attention all on her. It was her turn to be taken care of. "So, Peeta's moving in with you. Today," Katniss crossed her arms and held her head up in defiance.

"I'll move back with my mom and Prim," he already knew that was coming.

"Nope. They're under strict orders to not allow you to move back," her eyes flared. But then he saw it on her face. The moment she realized that that there were always two beds.

"You did this on purpose. You didn't move me to a single compartment. You gave me a double on purpose," she could always see right through him.

"You're absolutely right I did. I figured someone would have to move in with you. And I hoped against hope that it would be Peeta. I hoped like hell,"

"Then give me Johanna. She's by herself," Haymitch laughed.

"No, I'm not letting her move in. Besides, no one wants to stay with her. Or you for that matter. Except him. Peeta's moving in with you. And he's going to take care of you now,"

"I don't need to be taken care of," She yelled at him.

"You need a lot more than being taken care of. You can keep fighting it sweetheart. But the reason you're so depressed is because you love him so much, and you're so terrified of giving into hope again just to lose him," he could see fire in her eyes. No matter how impossible that was, the fire was there. "But putting him in a room with you…I know he can break down your walls. He's done it before, he can do it again,"

"No, he won't. You're wrong. You'll see," he laughed sarcastically.

"This isn't about proving me wrong. This is about healing. This is about finding happiness. You're miserable. You're depressed and heart-broken. You're so lonely. You started letting Peeta in but then you stopped. It's ok to let him love you. Let him heal some of those broken parts of you that you didn't think could be repaired," he said. She didn't move an inch. "I made a mistake by letting you talk me into giving you your own compartment. So, Peeta going to take care of you now," Haymitch told her. She stood up straight.

"Whatever you say master," she said as a slave would.

"Katniss- "

"I'm a slave to Panem. That's all I am. I should have gotten used to it," she said and walked away. Peeta walked up to him.

"What happened Haymitch?" Peeta asked. Haymitch looked at him sadly.

"You're getting released from the hospital today," Haymitch said. Peeta smiled.

"Really? That's fantastic," Peeta was getting too excited.

"You're gonna move back in with your wife," Haymitch said and looked down the hall where Katniss had gone. Peeta's face fell. That's why she was upset…She didn't want Peeta. And it broke his heart.

He brought his stuff, not really his stuff, it was clothes that he was given to him by District 13, to his new compartment. He took a deep breath and slid open the door. He walked in and Katniss was just walking out of the bathroom. Her hair was wet, and she was wrapped in a robe.

"Hi Katniss," he said softly. She stood there for a minute before she moved aside.

"I made room on the left side of the bathroom for your things. And that dresser and closet," Katniss said, pointing to them across the room. "Let me just change and you can have the bathroom," she said. She grabbed her things and went back into the bathroom. A minute later she came out in pajama pants and a t shirt that was hugging her pregnant belly. She threw her hair into a ponytail on top of her head, which he thought was odd. She usually wore it down or braided it. She got into bed and didn't say another word to him.

He put his stuff away and then took a shower. He was surprised that when he got out there were two dinner trays waiting on the table. It looked like she took a couple of bites, but then went back to bed. He ate his in silence and went over to his bed and sat down on it. "Katniss. Are you awake?" he asked. He saw her body tense, but she didn't answer. He knew she heard him.

"I know that a lot has happened that we've never dealt with…our whole relationship is a lot that happened that we've never dealt with. But we finally have this moment to ourselves…I love you Katniss, and that has never changed. You're my whole world. You and that baby. I'm here now. I'm back. And I'm going to fight for you," he said. He turned off the light and got into bed. He longed to be in her bed though, with his arms wrapped around her. As he was falling asleep, he swore he heard her softly crying.

It was hard sharing a compartment with Katniss. He felt like he did, what seemed like a million years ago, that whole year between the 74th and 75th Games. She was right there, close enough to grab, but so far out of reach. She tried not to talk to him as the days passed. He tried all the time though. She either gave him one-word answers or let out a deep breath and ignored him. It was…heart breaking.

He missed his dad. He missed his brothers. He was having a particularly bad day, on Rye's 19th birthday. But he wouldn't turn 19. Rye would forever remain, 18 years old. When he woke up, he just stared at the ceiling. All he wanted was to be comforted. He'd never admit that out loud though. And he wouldn't ask for it. He wanted to tell Katniss that it was his brother's birthday, but he didn't want her to think he was trying to manipulate her. He didn't want her to feel obligated to comfort him. It would just make him feel worse.

He stayed in bed that day though. Katniss must have noticed it, because Haymitch came in later. "Hey boy. Didn't see you at breakfast," Haymitch said. There was no reason to lie to Haymitch.

"It's Rye's birthday," Peeta whispered. Haymitch didn't say anything for a long time but then felt him sit on the edge of the bed.

"What can I do?" he asked. There wasn't anything Haymitch could do. The only solace he would find today would be in her arms…but she couldn't-wouldn't comfort him.

"You're doing it," was all Peeta said. Haymitch sat with him for a while, but then said he would send up his lunch. Peeta didn't eat that day. He really couldn't stomach it. Katniss didn't come back till later that night. He noticed she had a bandage around her arm, and he leaned up.

"Are you ok?" he asked. She looked over at him, a little stunned. Then she looked at her arm.

"Oh. That," she said and unwrapped her arm and threw the bandage in the trash. "Yeah. I'm fine. They just had me on fluids. My blood pressure was high," he threw the blanket off of him and stood up.

"What happened? Why was your blood pressure high?" he asked frantically. She turned and grabbed some clothes out of her drawer.

"It was nothing. Haymitch blew everything out of proportion. We fight, and he tells the doctors to check me out. It's what we do. It's not a big deal," she said drowsily.

"It's not a big deal? Katniss it's your blood pressure. We're having a baby. Someone should have gotten me- "

"I'm fine. I can do this on my own," she said slowly to him. Like she was exhausted. He didn't think it was a fight worth having for her sake. It wasn't worth her blood pressure skyrocketing again. So, he left it alone. He sat on his bed and watched as she came out. She winced as she touched her belly and then snapped her hand back. Gale told him to watch that when the baby kick, she'd go and put her hand there, and then snatch it away. She didn't like touching her own stomach.

"Is the baby ok?" he asked. Katniss rolled her eyes and laid down, turning her back to him.

"It's fine," another thing Gale warned him about. She didn't like to refer to the baby as her. Katniss usually said, it. She groaned and little a reached around to the center of her back and held it. Her back was hurting. Peeta went over and sat on her bed and applied pressure to her back in the spot she was holding. She went to protest, but Peeta knew he was hitting the pain straight on, and she was putty in his hands. He didn't say anything as he rubbed her back, and felt her body relax.

After a little while he sat there, just watching her. "I miss you so much Katniss," he whispered. "It feels like we were in such an amazing place back in 12, and now after everything we've gone through, it's like we jumped so many steps back like before the victory tour," he said. He startled as she suddenly shot up in her bed, struggling to sit up.

"Yep, and it's all my fault again," she snapped.

"What? No sweetheart that's not what I meant," he told her as she started shoving him off the bed and fumbling to stand herself.

"Blame me. Everything is my fault. I get it. You don't have to point it out. No one has to keep on pointing it out to me. Everything bad that has happened to you and me and everyone else, is my fault," she yelled and searched for her slippers and grabbed a robe.

"Katniss that's not what I meant please just talk to me," he said and tried grabbing her. But she shoved him.

"Leave me alone," she sobbed and stormed out of their compartment. Should he go after her? He didn't want to upset her more. But he needed to know she was safe. He waited too long because the time he opened the door and ran into the hallway, she was already out of sight.

Katniss sobbed as she found one of her random closets and hid inside. She crumbled to the floor and sobbed. She thought about what Haymitch said to her earlier that day.

"You came to me because something's wrong with Peeta. He needs you right now. It's his brother's birthday. He doesn't need me to comfort him. He needs you," Haymitch told her.

"No. He needs to get used to not having me around. Because once this baby's born, he gets it, and then he never has to see me again,"

"What planet are you living on right now? Where do you think you'll go? You aren't going to just vanish into thin air,"

"The war will be over by then. I'll kill Snow, and he can live with his daughter and be happy, and never have to see me again,"

"Girl, will you wake the hell up. He needs you right now. Get your head out of crazy town and go back in there and hug him. All he's asking for is a fucking hug on his dead brother's birthday. You're making this worse for him! The only one that can comfort him is you, and you're keeping yourself away from him!"

"I just want this to all be over," she sobbed on the floor.

The next morning Peeta started getting worried. She hadn't come back. He went to breakfast, and she wasn't there. "Where do you think she could be?" Peeta asked Gale after breakfast.

"She likes to hide in random closets. Come on. I know a few of her favorite ones," Gale said as they went to a different floor and started looking. The sixth one they opened Gale stopped.

"What's wrong?" Peeta asked. Gale stepped aside. Katniss was sleeping on the floor. He went to rush in, but Gale stopped him. He put his finger up to his lips and then back out and slowly shut the door. "What are you doing?"

"She's sleeping. Just let her sleep for now. She'll be ok…I know you hate leaving her in here. But sometimes it's all we can do. It'll stay quiet down here until after lunch. She'll be back to her compartment by then," Gale said sadly, pulling on Peeta's arm.

"How can I just leave her there?" he asked. Gale just looked at him.

"I don't have an answer for you. She's been alone to long. Even with all of us right here. She hasn't been the same since the Quarter Quell was announced," Gale said sadly. Even with them right in front of her…she's been alone.

She did come back later that day. And that night she had a terrible nightmare, crying for Peeta. He instantly got up and sat on her bed, shaking her awake. "Hey, hey, hey I'm right here Katniss. It's just a dream. It's not real," he said, pulling her to his chest.

"I left him there. I left him all alone. It's all my fault," she sobbed. She blamed herself for him getting captured. It wasn't her fault. He never once blamed her.

"No that's not true. You didn't leave me there Katniss. I'm right here now," he told her, kissing the side of her head and rocking her like he's done so many nights before. He just held her and rocked her, and he let out a big sigh of relief. She was letting him hold her. He kissed her head again, and she was lifting up her face and he kissed her temple. He kissed her forehead and he looked at her.

"I'm right here Katniss. I'm alive, and healthy," he whispered and barely touched her lips when she shoved him away.

"Stop it. Don't touch me," she cried and pushed him again. He stood up and she just covered her face. "I don't want to do this anymore. Just leave me alone. I want this thing out of me, and I just want to be alone," she sobbed into her hands. Her words scared him. They turned his body to ice. She wanted the baby out of her, so she could be alone.

He gulped and slowly knelt down next to her on the bed. "Katniss…please don't say that. It breaks my heart to hear you talk like that. I know you're scared to let me take care of you, but I'm right here. You're not alone. I have you, just let me- "

"NO!" she screamed and laid back down and turned towards the wall, and just sobbed in her bed. Peeta let his own silent tears fall down his face. She was so lonely. She had pushed everyone out of her life. And to Peeta, it seemed like the only reason she was hanging on, was for the baby. She was waiting for the baby to be born, to give him their daughter…and then what? What was her plan? What was she wanting to do? The thought terrified him.

Her nightmares were awful again. But she didn't let him comfort her. He'd kneel by the bed and call out to her. He'd shake her awake and get her out of her nightmare, but then he'd scoot back and sit on his bed, just talking to her. "It's alright Katniss. It wasn't real. It was just a nightmare. You're safe. You're with me," but those were empty words. They had no meaning.

"We need to do a Propo of Peeta announcing to the world that he beat his hijacking," Plutarch said excitedly in Command one morning. "It's the perfect opportunity. Peeta's words can move mountains, as Katniss has said," Plutarch said. Peeta looked over at Katniss, and she blushed. He wondered when she had said that to Plutarch.

"I think it's a wonderful idea. A united front. Show that the Mockingjay is by his side," Coin said. Peeta looked at Katniss, and her eyes narrowed. He shook his head.

"I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. What…kind of Propo are we doing?" Peeta asked.

"We're announcing that you survived the Capitol's torture, and that you're all better now, with Katniss' love and support, you're back to perfect health. And more in love than ever," Plutarch said, clapping his hands. He glanced over at Katniss.

"You want me…to get up…and fake something for Panem…all over again," she panted. Gale put his hand on her back.

"Katniss, just breathe," Gale reminded her. Fake something. She didn't want to sit in front of a camera and…fake a relationship with him…again.

"We can do a different kind of propo. One that just has the boy. She's not ready-"Haymitch tried to say, but Coin interrupted him.

"She married him," Coin snapped. Everyone stared at her. Peeta looked at Katniss, who was trembling. Gale rubbed her back, while Finnick had his hand on her shoulder. "She was supposedly in love with the boy. She's pregnant by him. There must have been some feelings there. So why is it that she can't sit in front of a camera and proclaim how happy she is to have him back?" Coin demanded.

"Because you're putting her on display and forcing her to be a puppet just like Snow did," Haymitch argued.

"It's part of her Mockingjay duties. She signed up for this. It's part of the deal. So, Mrs. Everdeen. You will- "

"It's Mellark," Peeta said. Everyone looked at him. "We got married. Her name is Katniss Mellark. I'd like you to address her properly," Peeta said. Before Coin could comment, Katniss stood up. Finnick and Gale jumped with her.

"I can't keep doing this," she whispered as she turned around and started walking towards the door.

"You need to sit back- "

"We're taking her to the infirmary," Gale snapped as they each grabbed an arm. Peeta stood up to go with them.

"I'll do the propo by myself. She's not stable enough to do it," Peeta said as he followed them out of Command. He caught up to them as Katniss was crying.

"I don't want to go in there. I just want to go lay back down in my own bed," she cried.

"Katniss, your blood pressure is a serious concern. You're highly susceptible to premature labor from all the trauma. You know this is the drill," Finnick said. A nurse headed right for them and brought them into a room where they got her onto a bed. Another nurse came in and the two of them started giving her fluids and taking her blood pressure.

"Come on Katniss, you know the drill. We need you to close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing," the nurse said. You know the drill. You know the drill. Why didn't he know the drill?

He was the father of this baby. He was the husband of this beautiful woman that was lying on this bed…and he couldn't even hold her hand. There was a wall between them. He was just an outsider looking in. Was his family really being torn apart from him?

He remembered before his name was ever called, who is family was. He had a mother, a father, and two brothers. That was his family. He loved them. But his life changed the moment that Effie called his name. Katniss and Haymitch became his family. It was a life of a Victor that made everything different for him.

And then, the day she ran up his stairs, and admitted that she loved him, and they finally made love. They finally became one. He asked her to marry him, and she said yes. He finally had the actual family that he had been missing. To love and to be loved by someone…it was what he had been searching for his whole entire life. He found it. He found this pure, beautiful moment of happiness. And then, his family was ripped from him. There was this impenetrable wall between him and Katniss. They had been separated for almost three months. And it did irreparable damage. He didn't know how to fix it. He didn't know how to break this wall down. He had opened that window to her heart before. He wished it was still just a window. Now, he felt like it was one large cement wall and he had to break it down to even find that window again. What if he found that window again? What would he find inside? He knew what he would find. A lonely girl, in a dark house, laying on the ground and hugging her knees to her chest. A very, lonely girl.

That night she was laying in bed again, groaning from the pain in her back. He hated watching her in pain. It was killing him. He went over to her bed and started rubbing her back.

"Don't do that," she whispered. He stopped for a moment but didn't take his hands off of her. She didn't move to shove his hands away, so he kept going.

"No," he told her. He dug his hands into her back, and she let out a sob. "Katniss don't cry," he told and laid down behind her and started to spoon her.

"No. Stay away from me," she sobbed, trying to push his arm off of her, but he wrapped his arms around her.

"Katniss please stop running. Because I'm never gonna stop chasing you," he told her. It didn't have the desired affect he wanted. She just shoved him harder.

"Stop it. Get out of my bed," she cried as she turned and shoved him. He sat up and got out of her bed and she turned back to the wall. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" She cried.

"Because I love you. You're my wife- "

"It was never legal," she cried. It felt like she stomped on his heart then. What they had wasn't legal, but it didn't matter. They knew going into their marriage that it wasn't a legal one. But that didn't matter to them. They were married. They had a toasting.

"A piece of paper doesn't matter to me Katniss. We got married, knowing there wouldn't be a legal piece of paper. We got married in front of our families, and we had a Toasting. A Toasting is sacred. It's not something that you just do for fun. It meant something. It was a real marriage. It still is a real marriage," he told her. She just turned her back on him again.

The next day, Peeta sat in Command with Effie as she fidgeted with his hair and face. "There. I think I have the dark circles covered up. It'll have to do no matter what though," Effie said and sat back, admiring her work. She looked at his face and let out a deep sigh. "How are you holding up?" she asked him. He just shrugged.

"She hates me," he said. Effie put her hand to her heart.

"No Peeta. She doesn't hate you," Effie said as she picked up his hand and rubbed it between both of hers.

"She doesn't want me around her. She looks…right through me. I remember what it was like…when we left the Games, and she told me it was all an act," he said and looked down at his hands and he chuckled. "God, I wish I could go back to those days. I didn't realize how easy I had it," he looked back up at Effie. "It was so simple back then…" he looked all around the room. Life was easy before Katniss had admitted her feelings for him. Before they declared their love for each other. Before they made his home, their home. Before they created a life together, that she didn't even want. Life was so much simpler, when he was alone in his house in the Victor's Village, and she didn't love him.