Disclaimer: Credit to Jonathan Nolan, Greg Plageman, and the POI writing team for these lovely characters (though Elena is mine). Any bolded sections come straight from the episodes.
DETECTIVE AND MRS. RILEY
Toast
Timeline
• Queensbridge Park
• Elena Cassidy's Home for Retired Assassins (ch 3)
• Fusco Meets the Rileys (ch 4)
• Little Mistress Normal (ch 5)
• Drinks (ch 10)
• Detective Darkness and Little Miss Sunshine (ch 12)
• Bear's Collection (ch 2)
• Home Safe Home (ch 9)
• Hell in the Hamptons (ch 13-16)
• Bets on Broadway (ch 11)
• TOAST
• Swingers Cruise (ch 6)
• Knockout (ch 8)
• Ellie with the Pink Hair (ch 18)
• Queen E (ch 1)
• Toxic (ch 17)
• Get to the Chopper! (ch 7)
• Queensbridge Park epilogue
Episode inspo:
CARTER: You came down from the 51st right, Fusco?
FUSCO: The Bronx's finest.
CARTER: What brought you here?
FUSCO: I wanted a change of scenery.
CARTER: Wanted? Or needed?
—Judgment (s1e05)
Song suggestion: "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys
Detective John Riley arrives home after a boring weekend shift catching up on paperwork at the precinct to find his wife curled up with a romance novel in the living room.
He surveys their surroundings, decides Shaw is not lurking anywhere, and takes a seat in the armchair opposite her.
"You did something different with your hair," Reese comments casually.
"Mhm. Bangs. Wanted something a little different."
"Wanted? Or needed?"
Elena looks over the top of her romance novel. The corner of Reese's mouth quirks upward. "Opening all the windows and turning on all the fans in the house won't get rid of the smell of smoke in a couple of hours."
She sighs and lowers her book. "I set something on fire in the kitchen, all right? Got a little singed."
His eyes sweep over her. "Where?"
"Just the ends. Had to give myself a trim."
"It looks good," he says consolingly. "What were you trying to make?"
She raises her book again and mumbles something he doesn't quite catch.
"What was that?"
"Toast, all right! I was just trying to make some toast!"
Reese tries, he really does, to maintain a straight face. After all, his poker face is infamous for not cracking despite the ridiculous situations Finch and the Machine had put him in over the years.
"The bread caught fire, and I tried to throw it in the sink, but —"
He bursts out laughing.
Her look of surprise slowly morphs into one of outrage.
"John!"
"Toast, Elena? Really?" He chuckles some more as he easily catches the book she hurls straight at his head.
"Well, I'm glad to be the source of your endless amusement," she huffs.
He stands and crosses the room to return her book to her, stealing a quick kiss in the process.
"That was a pretty good throw," he commends.
"I don't need your pity compliments, Detective."
"Don't be mad, El. It's rare that you're awful at something."
"I'm awful at lots of things," she sniffs.
"Oh, yeah?"
"Cooking —"
"I think we've established that."
"Killing —"
"Sounds like you killed that piece of toast."
"Killing people," she specifies, with an adorable glare.
"Well, why else do we keep Shaw around?"
She tugs at his shirt, pulling him down back to her level. He goes quite willingly.
"Staying mad at you."
Reese smiles as he steals another kiss. A kiss that's cut short when Elena's stomach growls loudly.
"And feeding yourself," he adds. "Come on, I'll make you something."
He parks her at the counter, far from any appliance, and reaches automatically for his apron. Except it's not there.
"Where's ...?"
He catches sight of the frilly, flowery fabric poking out of the trash can. (Either Harold had misguidedly assumed Elena would be the one using it when he'd outfitted their house, or he liked to keep putting Reese in ridiculous situations, even from halfway around the world.)
Elena dashes over to try to get to it before him, but he gets there first, damn his long legs.
He pulls it out. Well, what's left of it.
"Elena, you said just the edges of your hair was singed!" He holds up the apron, where most of the top half is blackened with a huge hole in the center. "You were on fire!"
"No, no," she says hastily. "I wasn't wearing it! I used it to put out the fire. It was the first thing I could grab!"
He frowns. "You threw the bread into the sink. You couldn't put it out with water?"
"I said I tried to throw it into the sink, Detective," she reminds him. "It fell short and hit a towel, and that caught fire. So then I grabbed the apron to put it out, and then that caught fire —"
Reese tries, he really does. But it's like people always said: He never stood a chance against Elena Cassidy.
He bursts out laughing.
Which is of course when Shaw walks in. She looks from an uncharacteristically giggly Reese to an uncharacteristically pissed off Cassidy and thinks maybe she's walked into an alternate universe. But then she takes in Elena's new haircut and the burned apron and puts it all together.
"What did Pixie set on fire this time?" she asks nonchalantly as she goes to the fridge and pulls out a beer.
That sobers Reese up quickly. "What do you mean 'this time'?" he demands.
Shaw smirks. "He still doesn't know about last time?" she asks Cassidy. She pulls out her phone. "Here, Reese. I took a video."
"Sameen!"