Chapter Thirty-Nine

It went nuts after that.

Sam came in to relieve Daniel and found Vala awake and before they knew it, there was a constant stream of visitors in and out of the infirmary to see her. Daniel took a step back to watch it for a bit before heading to his office. He hadn't realized how well-liked she had become. He guessed she hadn't spent all her free time with him, but then again, she had been busier the last month or two – he just assumed it was due to her expanded duties.

"You just gonna sulk in the dark like a freak?"

Daniel jumped at Jack's voice and sudden presence. His cheeks warmed with the knowledge that he didn't see or hear him approach. "Funny," he said in a light voice, refusing to give him the reaction he sought. "Though I wouldn't say sulking – I'm working…and I have a lamp on."

"Working when you should be with Vala," Jack retorted. "I had to force you to leave the base, and when she's finally awake, you're nowhere to be found."

"I wanted to give everyone else a chance to say hello... I just didn't realize how many would show up."

"Oh, yes," Jack's sarcastic tone began, "she is quite popular. Hammond even called to check on her."

That brought a smile to his face. "Of course, he did," he mumbled mainly to himself. "I have to admit – he was right. Who knew recruiting a space pirate would work out so well?"

"Oh, I don't know," Jack continued in his light tone, "it is Hammond after all."

"Touché." Daniel could feel the heat from Jack's stare and knowing his friend, it would be easier if he just said whatever was on his mind. "What?" he sighed out.

"Had a chat with Carter," he began casually, but Daniel knew it was going to be anything but casual, "and I thought you promised her you wouldn't do this."

"Do what?" That's right – play dumb because that's worked so well for you in the past.

"Don't play with me, Daniel, you know damn well what I'm talking about," Jack's General voice came out. "You're pulling away. You're distancing yourself from her, and if you're not careful, she'll notice."

"You're exaggerating. I left because she had visitors and I knew as soon as they left, the doctor would sedate her again or something." See, he was being considerate! Vala was in pain, despite the meds, but it didn't stop her from wanting to see her friends. The last thing he wanted to do was prolong it. "And I doubt she's noticing my absence."

"That," Jack paused for a few seconds and pointed a finger at him, "is where you're wrong. She noticed. She kept glancing at the door when I was there. I don't know what the hell happened between you two, but you definitely gave her something to hope for, and if you continue to pull away from her, I will personally kick your ass."

Daniel didn't doubt it. The two of them formed a peculiar bond – one in which he swore their main goal was to mess with him relentlessly. "But I'm not pulling away." Keep telling yourself that… an inner voice whispered.

"Oh, Daniel," Jack sighed in displeasure. "I think you actually believe that."

He narrowed his eyes. "Don't look at me like I'm something to be pitied," he groused.

"I do it because I care," Jack responded like he was offended. "I've watched you for how many years pine after Sha're? From closing yourself off from anyone aside from SG-1? From denying yourself something we both know you want but are too chickenshit to do something about?"

"I'm not that bad!" he denied instantly before he thought about it for a moment. "Am I?"

"Yeah, ya are," he didn't spare any feelings.

"Shit." He was probably right.

Sometimes Daniel believed Jack knew him better than he knew himself when it came to the emotional stuff. But like he said, he'd been with him since the start of his most serious relationships and everything since. It wasn't just everything with Sha're, but also everything that came after. How he struggled to get close to anyone like that again, and when he did, it was always with the wrong person or someone he knew wouldn't work out in the end. Shit, had he intentionally gravitated to women he subconsciously knew were unavailable?

The only exception had been Janet, and he never did anything about it – just like he planned to do with Vala before she was shot.

"You see it now, don't ya?" Jack broke through his thoughts, and he focused back on him. "What's causing you to spiral out now?"

What was it indeed? There were quite a few variables to consider before he cou–

"Fer cryin' out loud!" Jack snapped before Daniel could even begin to figure out the issue. "You over thinkin' it ain't gonna solve nothing."

"Helpful," he quipped mockingly. "What do you suggest?"

"Like I said – don't overthink it," he repeated. "What's the first thing that comes to mind when I ask – why are you pulling away?"

The scene of Vala chatting with SG-3 and 7 came to mind, causing him to frown. What the hell did that mean?

"Well?" Daniel glanced back at him and voiced the picture his mind went to but didn't know why. "What were they talking about?" Jack asked, and he could tell his friend was trying to help rather than be nosy.

He shrugged. "I don't know…something about SG-7 saying thanks for the rescue. Reynolds feeling guilty over her making that deal and leaving her. Vala saying she'd do it ag–" he abruptly stopped.

Jack smiled softly. "There it is," he said quietly.

Vala would do it again without a thought – with no regard to her own life. That was what was bothering him and why he was pulling away. He couldn't do that again. He wasn't even in a relationship with her and it was already too hard – how impossible would it be if they were in a relationship, and she found herself in a similar situation? He wouldn't be able to survive losing another woman he loved, and he had a sinking suspicion it would be worse with Vala.

"I know what you're thinking," Jack interjected his thoughts gently, "and you can't keep closing yourself off like this. I know it's hard with everything you've been through, but you're gonna regret it if you push her away for good."

"It's not that simple."

"But it can be," Jack stressed. "Would you do it all over again with Sha're, even knowing how it ended?"

The answer was instantaneous. "Of course, I would. I loved her."

Despite the short time they had together, it was probably the best year of his life to date. During that time, he loved someone so deeply, and she loved him the same in return. He had a family – a father, a brother, cousins, everything he had been denied as a child. How could he ever trade that time for…nothing?

"And now you love Vala," Jack continued in his gentle tone. "Wouldn't it be better to take any time you had with her than to have nothing?"

When he put it that way, the answer was simple.

o0o

Vala had better things to do than lay in bed in pain.

It wasn't the worst pain she had experienced in her life. In fact, she had been in worse, but the only difference was that she'd been able to heal herself with the Goa'uld device she acquired years ago. The one time she hadn't been able to was after Qetesh was removed. That had been a special kind of hell, and it took her a while to fully heal from it. But she wasn't in that place anymore. She wasn't helpless and could do something about the pain. Daniel had all but admitted he had feelings for her, and the last place she wanted to be was in the infirmary.

She had better places to be than in bed and that place was with Daniel before he could backtrack. She refused to lose something she wanted this badly before she truly had it.

As if fate was on her side for once, Samantha walked into the infirmary not long ago, and Vala all but begged her friend to grab something from her room. The woman had looked at her peculiarly, but did as she asked, and before long, she was handing Vala what she requested.

"What's the story with this box?" the Colonel asked after handing it over. "You went back for it after joining the SGC. I got the impression it's important to you."

"It is," Vala admitted with hesitance. She wasn't proud of it, but it was. "My father gave it to me and most of its contents. His way of deluding himself that he was a good father. Whenever he visited, he would bring back something…until mother died, of course. After that, nothing would ever persuade me from the truth of who he really was."

"So why keep it?"

She shrugged and rifled through it. "My mother mostly. She would always make a big deal out of it and tell me that he must love me very much," she smiled bitterly at the memory. "I guess it's a bit pathetic, but it's the only assurance that he cared for me at all."

"It's not pathetic," Samantha said softly and with understanding.

Vala gently held up two necklaces from her collection. "This was my mothers," she showcased proudly. A silver chain hosted dark sapphire looking stone. The cut was simple, but it was still lovely. "This one was my betrothal necklace from Kilion," she stared at the leather strip with the purple stone at the bottom. "That's what makes this box so special…that and this," she held up the small Goa'uld device.

Samantha stared at it curiously. "And that is?"

"Healing device," she replied and slipped it on like a backwards ring.

Before she could use it, Samantha grabbed her hand. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Healing myself," what else would she be doing? "I don't like being in pain. I don't have the time nor the patience to wait for me to heal naturally. I have the means to heal the wound, so why wouldn't I? That's not even mentioning the fact that Daniel admitted to kissing me and he had no regrets! I need to capitalize on that while I still have the chance!"

She stunned the Colonel into silence.

Well, for a short moment at least.

"I'll keep a lookout," she offered and Vala smiled.

o0o

She found him where she suspected – his office, of course.

"Brooding doesn't become you, darling," Vala teased as she observed his hunched over form. He'd been staring aimlessly at something in front of him and based on his still hand, his mind wasn't on work but something else that was causing him to ponder it heavily. She felt justified in her concern and was glad she had healed herself. "What has you thinking so hard?"

Daniel jumped at her voice, and it confirmed he had indeed been in deep thought. "Vala! What the hell are you doing out of bed? You shouldn't be up!" he rushed over to her as if she would keel over at any second. She just smiled and waited for him to see it…which he finally did. "Wait, how are you up, and how are you not in pain?" he asked in confusion as he gently stroked her cheek. His gaze scrutinized her face and she guessed he was looking for signs of pain.

Vala continued to smile and closed the door behind her. "Do you remember when I shot you on Prometheus?"

It took him a second, but he finally got it. "How the hell do you still have the healing device?" he asked incredulously. "I thought the SGC would've confiscated it when you first got here."

"I have my ways."

The smile he gave her caused her stomach muscles to tighten. "That I have no doubt." His expression turned serious. "Why do I have a feeling you're here for a reason."

"Because I am," she said simply, and stepped further into the room. "You haven't been to visit since I first woke up, and I want to know if you regret our conversation." She didn't look at him as she spoke – she couldn't stand to see if she was right.

There was a short pause before… "I told you that I didn't. I wasn't lying then and I'm not now." He said it so softly and sincerely, but she couldn't help but doubt him a little.

Vala spun around and pinned with him a piercing stare. "Then why do I get a sinking feeling like you're about to pull away?"

Daniel sighed. "Probably because it's my default reaction," he responded honestly even though it probably was the last thing he wanted to do. She appreciated the honesty either way. "Vala, you scare the ever-loving shit out of me, and I think that escalates that reaction."

She scoffed. Was that it? "Did you ever stop to consider that you do the same to me?" she shot back. He knew more about her and her past than anyone else ever had, so how could he not? "Everyone I have ever cared about has been taken from me and ended up dying! Which you did, if you've forgotten!"

"And I seem to have a curse in which I get to watch every woman I love die by a staff blast!" he practically yelled and winced afterwards. She knew he regretted the raised voice and forced herself not to react. "Seeing you get shot by the same method, it…God, Vala, I can't…" he struggled to find words, which was odd for a linguist.

Vala closed the gap between them and embraced him. "I'm here, Daniel. I'm alive," she assured him, but doubted it did any good. "You can't get rid of me so easily."

Daniel pulled her tighter to his body. "I don't think you're completely comprehending what I mean," he mumbled.

"Then explain it to me," she pulled away and met his gaze. She saw his hesitancy and she smiled softly. "Just tell me. I won't fault you for anything you say."

He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. "You have to understand. There was a time where I never thought I'd get over my wife and the one time I thought I could move on, Janet died in the same way, and I couldn't fathom opening myself up to that kind of hurt again. But then you show up and completely fuck up my life."

"How romantic," she remarked sarcastically. Don't overreact, Vala. You promised not to fault him.

He ignored her. "I always hoped I would be ready for that again, but never in a million years – a million, million years – would I ever have thought that person would be you!"

Ouch. Vala did her best to not to show just how much that affected her. "Thanks." Hmm, perhaps that was a tad too cold.

He heard it and winced a little. "Given the way we met, can you blame me?" he asked gingerly. "Not to mention we're the complete opposite of each other, it's not even funny – and you know it."

"I get it," she interjected in a hard voice. "A relationship with me is a ridiculous notion."

Daniel chuckled smally. "Yeah, probably," he said, and it shot a dagger to her heart, "but it didn't stop me from falling for you. Despite all of it, I still fell in love with you."

Vala's breath caught. "You did?" she hated herself for hoping, especially with the words he had just spoken, but it didn't stop the hope.

He gave her a small smile. "I did," he confirmed in a soft voice. "I don't know how you slipped by all my defenses, but you did, and I can't make myself regret it."

"Really?"

He nodded. "I couldn't remember what being in love felt like until you came along," he admitted, "and I won't give it – you up – for the world. More importantly, I don't want to. I'm yours if you'll have me."

Vala felt pathetic at the tears escaping but forced herself to forget them. "When I stole Prometheus, I never expected my life to take this turn," it was her turn to voice her concerns. "Everyone I care about seems to die. The one and only man I loved died in front of me and I swore I wouldn't go through that again…but then I missed one person in my attempt to steal a ship. You fucked up my life just as much, Daniel Jackson. The way you made me love you so fast and hard should be criminal…but I don't regret it either. So, yes, I'll have you as long as you'll have me."

Daniel pulled her to him. "Always," he promised.

"Never die again," she demanded. While the odds were in his favor for rising from the dead, she couldn't do that again.

But he didn't promise her that exactly. Instead, he vowed, "I will always come back to you," before kissing her.

And what a kiss it was. It spoke of love, promise, and best of all, a future.

o0o

Author's Note:

Starting to come to a close now...