The weeks ahead were quite the same it felt like. Studying, tending to your greenhouse, and above all things, being with Lucius as much as possible. The fact that his graduation was coming up was something that of course was weighing heavily on your mind, and his, but both of you hadn't spoken about it much. It felt like it was a storm that was coming closer and closer, and yet neither of you cared to discuss its impending doom.
One such thing that had been changing however, was the fact that Lucius had been going home much more often. It seemed nearly every weekend he was off to the Manor. The thing was, he never seemed to be happy about it. Not at all in fact. It was almost as if he dreaded the very thought of going back home, something which made you feel uneasy as well. Every time he would come back to Hogwarts, he emanated a huge sense of relief, as if he was truly coming back to his real home, instead of the Manor.
You of course didn't want him having to go somewhere that made him feel uncomfortable; especially not after the one time he had come back to school with his face covered in bruises and a nasty cut. You knew it had to do with his father, and it always made your blood boil when he told you he had to go home for the weekend; you always dreaded he would come back to you injured again.
However as the weeks went by, he never came back injured again, but you did notice that each time he returned back to school, his eyes seemed to be losing their shining silver luster, a bit of black shadows had began to appear under his eyes, causing his already pale skin to look even more alabaster, he had lost a bit of weight as well causing his cheekbones to become more pronounced, and his mood had definitely darkened. He still loved you and treated you amazingly of course, but you definitely noticed a damper in his spirits and his typical lust for life had disappeared.
One Friday evening in late April, before the weekend, you and Lucius were laying in the comfortable bed in the Room of Requirement that always showed up for you two. Lucius had been desperate for you that evening after dinner in the Great Hall, and he had practically dragged you by the hand to your special, secret place so that he could be alone with you and ravish you. He had been almost needy, not that you minded at all, you loved it. The way he held onto your body tight as he kissed you all over, the way he buried his face into your neck, breathing in your scent and planting kisses all along your neck, your ear, your breasts, had a sense of urgency you definitely picked up on. You let him take you, just as urgently, as he had wrapped your leg around his waist as he had made love to you, his eyes never leaving your own. Afterwards he had stayed inside of you as he held you against his body, the both of you almost falling asleep intertwined as one being.
However after a bit, you felt him pull out, and yet still, he kept his tight hold on you as you cuddled on him. The embers from the fireplace warming your bodies as you both came down from your love making highs.
"Are you going back to the Manor again this weekend?" You asked quietly after a while, dreading the answer already.
"Yes," he said darkly, his grip around you tightening even more as if he was genuinely afraid to be parted from you; he really didn't want to go back home.
"Why do you go if it makes you so unhappy? Stay here. Stay with me," you said trying to plead with him not to leave you.
"I….I have no choice…" he said darkly again. You could have sworn you felt him shudder a bit.
"Yes you do," you said, turning angry at the thought of his father controlling him like this.
"No Kitten…you don't understand…I really don't," he said as he rolled over so that he was on his back, as he then stared blankly up at the ceiling, trying not to be too emotional, the black shadows seeming to darken under his eyes even more.
You leaned up on your elbow so that you could stare at him. This darkness in him that was forming was concerning, but you didn't want to upset him anymore, as he was clearly already distraught, and so you tried changing the subject.
"I just want you to always be here. I never want you to go," you smiled as your stroked your fingers down his chest, causing his body to shudder, this time in a good way.
"As do I Kitten," he agreed, a faint smile appearing on his lips. "After graduation, I plan on doing just that," he said with a dedication which made your heart beat a bit faster. You stopped your ministrations on his chest and instead just laid your hand gently over his heart, and you felt it fluttering a bit as well. Neither of you had really brought up 'after graduation' plans, and you were nervous but slightly excited that he had brought it up.
"What do you mean love?" You asked, your heart expectant.
Lucius smiled more widely as he thought about his future that he had planned and he began telling you that plan.
"Well, as soon as I graduate, I will be of age…I will be able to be my own man, not have to listen to anyone but myself…" he started, some life coming back into his eyes at the thought of it; being free from his father.
"The thought of being far from you hurts too much, so I plan on getting my own small place nearby…probably in Hogsmead village," he continued as he then stared lovingly into your eyes as he continued, "I'll be able to see you at any time, I promise I won't be far Kitten" he said with a soothing, deep voice which touched your soul. "And then when I'm on my own and free to do as I like, I can start my own business. It will be such a relief…"
You couldn't help as your eyes welled with unshed tears. This was the best possible plan that could have happened after his graduation. He wanted to still be near you, and you loved him so much all you could do in that moment was kiss him.
"I like the sound of all this," you smiled as you kissed him deeply again. "Thank you for wanting to still be close to me as I finish up my last year at Hogwarts," you said, thankful he was so dedicated to you. You knew deep down it meant he wanted forever with you.
"I always want to be close to you. Forever," he said, confirming your thoughts.
"Forever," you agreed as you cuddled up into him once more.
You noticed he was aroused again, his erection poking your pelvis from where you cuddled on him. You smirked as you looked down and saw his hard length, and then looked back up into his eyes, noticing a smirk on his face as well. You loved his stamina and you loved even more that he seemed to have a joy about him again after he spoke about his plans for the near future. And so once more you two joined as one, love pouring between you both as you loved each other as if it was your last day on Earth. You loved Lucius with all your heart, and everything once again seemed to be in a perfect place…
Lucius had left that Saturday morning, but not before he had found you in the Great Hall during breakfast and had given you a passionate kiss and telling you that he would be back the next day.
"I won't be complete until I see you again," he said romantically as he rested his forehead against your own. You noticed the dark circles under his eyes had come back a bit, clearly he was stressed to be leaving and it killed you that he felt so obligated to go even though he desperately didn't want to.
"I love you so much Lucius. Don't forget that," you said trying to comfort him.
"I love you," he said as he kissed you one last time before he turned to leave.
You still had his hand in yours, and you held onto it tightly as he began walking, almost trying to pull him back. He smiled at you a bit, at your reluctance to let him go, but finally your hands parted and he was walking out of the Great Hall, out towards the grounds so that he could apparate at the front gate to go to the Manor.
Saturday seemed to drag on so slowly it hurt as you waited for Sunday to come but finally it was Sunday and still…you waited. Lucius usually arrived back in the later morning time, and would always immediately seek you out in your Room of Requirement.
You waited until about 2 o'clock in the afternoon before you became worried. Perhaps he had went to his common room first…or maybe he hadn't arrived back yet. Maybe he had went to the greenhouse to meet you instead, although it was unlikely, however you were getting antsy and so you exited the Room of Requirement so you could make your way out to the grounds towards the greenhouse. During the long walk all the way down to the grounds, your eyes scanned the hallways of the castle, every stairway it seemed, and then out on the grounds where you scanned around again for that platinum head of hair that you longed to see, and yet nothing.
You arrived at your greenhouse, but with a sinking heart, you already knew that he wasn't there without even opening the doors. It was too quiet and the lock on your door was undisturbed. You couldn't detect Lucius' presence anywhere.
After checking inside just to make sure, you trudged back up to the castle, feeling worried and depressed and made your way into the Great Hall for an early dinner, realizing you hadn't eaten all day out of worry. Still no Lucius.
After barely nibbling on any food, you headed back to the Room of Requirement. You figured you would wait for him there. Maybe he still hadn't come back yet and would come to you later in the night, and kiss you and ravish you like he always did; like you longed for.
All night you waited. Your eyes were heavy from exhaustion and fear. What if something bad had happened to him? What if his father took it too far…and badly injured him…or worse. Your mind raced and raced thinking of every horrible possibility that there was. This was so unlike Lucius, and deep in your gut you knew something was wrong. Surely if he was okay, he would have sent word by now.
It was around midnight by the time your body finally succumbed to the exhaustion and you fell into a horrible sleep; nightmares of awful things happening to Lucius racing around your mind. Eventually you woke up feeling even worse, as if you hadn't gotten a wink of sleep all night. For a moment you had forgotten where you even were, as you realized you had fallen asleep in the Room of Requirement instead of your dorm room. Lucius hadn't come to see you last night, and now you were full on in a panic.
You realized however, that you would soon be late for your Monday classes, and so you rushed back to your dorm, got dressed for the day and then rushed to your first class, without even eating anything again.
Your normal Herbology classes seemed to go on forever, and you were impatient to get to the rest of your day which consisted of tending to your greenhouse. Monday was always the day that you and Lucius would meet up in your greenhouse, it was your favorite day of the week because of that reason and in your heart you hoped that Lucius would finally show up today for your weekly Monday meetup in your greenhouse like last week; your heart beating fast with pleasure thinking about the previous week where he had taken you so amazingly on one of the tables in your greenhouse. God you needed him so badly again. Where was he?!
By the time you had raced down to your greenhouse after all of your normal classes, he was still nowhere to be seen. You entered your quiet greenhouse and slumped down onto the ground and just sat there in despair. Surrounded by your precious white roses, one of your favorite places to be, you still felt so empty. Were you over reacting? Or was there real cause for concern? Maybe you should report him missing…or maybe he had returned and hadn't come to find you…that was one of your worst thought yet. That couldn't possibly be true. But if it wasn't that, the other alternative was that he was in fact missing. Either way, it was a bad situation that had your stomach turning over and over in knots.
You barely managed to get any work done, most of the time you spent in your greenhouse was you just standing there or sitting quietly by yourself as your mind raced. Finally giving up, realizing you weren't getting any work done, you made your way back up to the Great Hall for dinner. You made up your mind that you would ask if anyone had seen Lucius, and if not, you would report him as missing.
Rushing up to the Great Hall, the first person you saw at the Slytherin table towards the front of the hall was Amalie.
"Ama," you said as you ran up to her, your eyes wide with concern.
"Oh hey you," she said, as she put down her goblet of pumpkin juice. "Haven't seen much of you the past few days. Where have you been?"
You didn't answer her, but urgently went straight to the one question that was consuming your mind. "Have you seen Lucius?" You asked, not even bothering to sit down.
Amalie looked surprised. She had gotten used to the fact that you and Lucius had been inseparable as of late. "Oh! Ya I have. Just saw him last night and this morning," she said as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Then she looked at your scared face and her eyes widened a bit as well. "I would have thought he was with you…"
You swallowed hard and looked away from her face quickly, a stream of tears about to pour out of your eyes. You took a few steps back "Oh," you mumbled as you walked quickly out of the Great Hall not even bothering to answer Amalie who had called after you "Is everything ok?"
You ran up to the Hufflepuff common room and straight into your dorm, as you sat on your bed and closed the gold four poster curtains that hung around it. You silently sobbed and hyperventilated as Amalie's words played in your head over and over. He had been at Hogwarts Sunday and today. Why hadn't he come to see you? Something was horribly wrong. You knew it in the pit of your stomach and you felt as if you were going to be sick.
You cried for hours it seemed on your bed, before in a desperate attempt to restore things back to normal, you headed back to the Room of Requirement as you had done the night before to wait for Lucius; maybe he would come see you tonight; kiss you and remind you that everything was ok.
And as the night wore on, Lucius never came and you awoke the next morning in despair. Your beloved Room of Requirement now felt too empty, too alone without him.
Slowly you got out of the bed and made your way back towards your common room. You were depressed. You had barely eaten the past few days and when you went to get changed into a new pair of robes and brush your untidy hair, you saw in the mirror your sullen cheeks, your eyes having dark shadows under them, just as Lucius' had looked before he had disappeared. Was this what dying felt like? You felt slightly pathetic that your happiness was tethered to him as much as it apparently was, but without knowing what happened, and the swirls of bad thoughts in your head, and the knowledge that he was here but hadn't sought you out yet…you were in a bad place mentally.
Your morning classes wore on, you barely paid attention and even one of your professors pulled you aside after class to see what was wrong. You lied through your teeth claiming that you were just tired and made your way out of the class and into the main courtyard of the school.
Suddenly, as if seeing a bright shooting star, you saw that platinum head of hair walking across the other side of the courtyard. It was Lucius! You were too happy to see him to even think about being mad at him for having evaded you for two days.
"Lucius!" You yelled happily as you ran after him. "Lucius!" You yelled a second time when he didn't seem to turn around at your call.
You finally caught up to him, and grabbed him gently by the upper right arm, your body crashing into his, breathing in his scent and feeling a huge sense of relief at his presence alone. You pulled back from him to look up into his eyes you had missed so much, but the sight made your body shrink back in alarm at what you saw, your hand immediately sliding away from where you still held him by his arm.
What you saw wasn't the Lucius you knew. His beautiful grayish-silver eyes which you adored were empty looking. No depth was there, the silver shimmer of them was gone, leaving only a stormy grey. The black circles were there, but even worse, his usually full lips which always smirked at you with love were now tight lines of misery on his face. He looked upon you as if you two had never met before. There was no love behind his eyes anymore. You felt your heart shattering. Who was this? What happened?
"Lucius?" You said with a shaky voice, he still didn't immediately answer you. "What…what's happened?.." You asked with a terror inside that was growing by the second.
He simply stared at you and muttered ever so quietly, "We can't talk anymore. We can't be together," he said plainly. Nothing else.
You looked at him as if he spoke a language you didn't understand. You felt your heart shatter even more into dust and you just looked at him with wide, terrified eyes. "Wh-what? I don't understand," you said softly.
"I said we can't be together," Lucius repeated, his eyes narrowing a bit. He looked so angry. So dead inside.
You didn't know what to say, you felt as if your mind was numb. Your breath was so shallow but a few tears began to fall down your cheeks, as your body didn't know what else to possibly do in that moment.
You saw Lucius' eyes then widen for a fraction of a second, despair crossing his face as he looked at your own despair. He breathed in and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something more…to give you answers, but he shook his head to himself and began walking away from you.
No. You couldn't live with just that. With him just crushing your soul like that. You needed to find out what was wrong. You knew something had happened. You knew deep down he didn't mean what he just said.
"No!" You yelled at him as you ran after him again and grabbed his left forearm this time.
"Ahhh!" Lucius screamed aloud, as if he was in pain, wrenching his forearm out of your hand and clutching it to his chest, his face contorted with anger and pain. "Don't touch me!" He yelled.
By this point a few other students in the courtyard had began to stare at you both, as both of your voices had been raised. Lucius' noticed as well, his grey eyes darting back and forth between you and the other students. Suddenly, he grabbed you rather harshly by the wrist and dragged you towards the nearest hallway and into an alcove, so that it was just the two of you now.
"Why are you doing this!?" You asked him desperately. "You can't mean this Lucius!" You said as you raised your hand to cup his cheek, trying to calm him down and make him think clearly again.
He flinched away from your touch, "I said don't touch me," his jaw clenching as he looked down at his feet.
Your hand dropped lifelessly back to your side. More tears streaming down your face. "Why are you doing this Lucius?" you asked this time more clearly. You were starting to become angry.
He didn't answer you for a few long seconds, his eyes still cast downwards as if he was trying to figure out what to say. Had he planned on just avoiding you until you had forgotten about him all together? He had to have known that would never happen.
"It was never going to work…" he started out. His emotionless grey eyes looking back up into your own wide, teary eyes. "We were fooling ourselves…it was just a phase…" he said, his voice slightly shaking.
"Why are you saying this!?" You began to yell. "You sound like your father!" You said angrily, realizing Lucius was using the same excuses his father had put into his head about why you both couldn't ever work together.
"Well he was right!" Lucius yelled back.
"No he wasn't!" You yelled back, holding your ground. You knew Lucius' father was wrong…and you knew that Lucius agreed with you. Something else had changed. "Why are you lying? Why are you doing this?"
"I already gave you your answer!" He said exasperatedly.
More tears streamed down your face in betrayal. "Just two days ago, you were talking about our future together. It was all planned out… it was beautiful," your voice lowered, "You made love to me…you can't tell me that was fake. I know it wasn't. What we have is everything. Please…"you practically begged.
"I-," Lucius began to say, as he swallowed hard, his emotions deceiving him finally as he looked into your eyes, a very faint hint of silver finally shining in them as you had spoken about your future and your love together.
Your eyes searched his back, you had almost gotten your Lucius back…but then suddenly he clutched to his left forearm again, wincing, and the spark in his eyes was gone again.
"It was never real," he said finally, backing up from you even more, as if he meant to leave you again.
"Stop lying!" You screamed, as more angry hot tears came back. "Our love is real!"
"No! Stop lying to yourself! What we had wasn't real!" He screamed back. "I won't tell you again…leave me alone!"
He was backing up even more, quicker now.
"Lucius! You yelled, your feet glued to the spot you were in. You, yourself, couldn't move, too paralyzed with despair. "You promised me. You promised me it would be forever."
Lucius no longer answered you, he just shook his head, as if not knowing what to say. His face was contorted in what appeared to be a mix of anger, immense pain, and overwhelming despair. With one last look at you, he clenched his jaw and walked away, almost running, with how quickly he left you.
You were paralyzed still. You had no idea what to do…what to even think. It felt as if your whole world had just imploded on itself, leaving you with nothing left; nothing but ash and broken dreams. For what seemed like hours, you couldn't move. You had kept to the privacy of that hidden alcove just sitting on the stone bench that was there for what seemed like the entire day. It practically was, as when you finally snapped out of it, the sky was already becoming a dusky grey. You felt as if you were going to be sick, and you dry heaved a bit, however nothing came out since you hadn't eaten in days. It felt as if you were broken, not only physically, but mentally.
Lucius had just broken your heart in unthinkable ways. Deep down you wanted to believe he meant nothing of what he had said to you that afternoon, but there was something also telling you that perhaps he did. Had it been a joke to him this whole time? You couldn't imagine it was, your relationship had been so powerful and pure, but after today, you didn't know what was real anymore. All you knew was that Lucius broke you. He broke your spirit, your heart, your passion for life. And one of the worst parts was, that you couldn't even go to your best friend Amalie for comfort. Your relationship with her had been too tied to the bonds you had made with the rest of the Slytherins, especially Lucius, and after the New Years debacle, the night in which you had very strongly declared your love for Lucius to her, you knew she wouldn't be a person you could go to now. Not only had you lost the love of your life, but also your best friend.
You felt so alone.
You knew after what happened today, a part of you had changed. The power of your love you had shared with Lucius, only amplified the power of the tragedy and the pain of what had just happened. Never again would you believe in true love.