A/N: The long-awaited ending! I hope you all like it! Thank you for reading and commenting and a very big thank you for the kind words about my dog.
"I moved to London to try to reconnect with you."
Lily looks up at James.
"Of course, I didn't plan all this," he gestures to his office around them. "But, I couldn't stop thinking about you. About the potential of us." He releases her and takes a step back.
"I'd been so stupid. I first started dating Elyse to try to get you out of my system." He drags a hand down his face. "And I did love her. I don't want you to think I could lie to someone in that way." He pauses and they stare at each other. "But I realized when you left that I just loved you more."
Lily can feel her heartbeat in her ears and she suddenly realizes she's holding her breath. She lets it out and takes a deep breath in. It feels like she's been running for blocks and blocks, but she's just standing here, looking at James looking at her.
"I think I've always had a crush on you." he continues, looking her in the eye. "Since before we were even friends. I remember the first time I saw you at Hogwarts. You were telling off an older student for picking on someone. I think we were eleven? Twelve? I looked at you and I thought she's it for me. You don't know how many times since then I wished I was wrong." His face changes to a little half-frown.
"I used to tease you so much back then because then you'd actually speak to me. Then we got paired up for that year-long assignment in sixth year and somehow, someway, it seemed like you wanted to be friends with me. So, I decided right then and there I would be the best friend you'd ever had. And we were such good friends for a while. No one kept a secret like you. Certainly not Sirius." James huffs a laugh and worries at a spot on the ground with his shoe.
"There was just once where I let my crush get the better of me. Our last year at Hogwarts. It had really seemed like you'd been flirting with me. For months too! I was trying to tell myself that I was reading into things, seeing what I wanted to see. But that last football game, I was high on our win, and probably had a little too much to drink, and I kissed you and I swear that you liked it. But you went completely back to normal the next day. You didn't acknowledge it at all! I assumed I had totally crossed a line and that you were giving me space to fix our friendship. So, I never broached it, and I never tried anything with you again. I didn't want to lose you as a friend."
Lily sinks back down onto the chair behind her and puts her head in her hands. Why does this sound so familiar?
James is not deterred, and his words start coming faster, like he feels as though he has to get all of this off of his chest. "University was hell. It was hell watching all of these other guys do anything to get to talk to you, to stand in your presence. And I just had to stand by and watch. So I asked out Elyse. You seemed so happy for me. It wasn't hard to be with her, and we understood each other. Then you started getting so distant, and I didn't know why."
Lily looks back up at him with her elbows on her knees, a hand over her mouth. She doesn't remember putting it there, but she feels totally horrified. How did James ever think she was an Elyse-supporter?
"I realized I was aching for a one-on-one conversation with you. When I took a second to think about it, I realized I had only seen you in group settings, for weeks. I assumed we were both busy with classes and I tried to set something up with you, but you were good at evading those plans. I put it down to us both being busy again, and next thing I knew, you were off to study in the States for a year.
James takes a steadying breath. "Then I started hearing about all of your endeavors from our friends and I realized you weren't contacting me. That hurt so much. I wondered what I had done to compromise our friendship. I figured we were just growing up and growing apart; but it still hurt.
"I cornered you when you came back. I was looking for an explanation about why you didn't want to be friends anymore. I had spent so long denying my feelings for you and reminding my brain that dating was off the table that what you were saying to me made absolutely no sense. I thought you were letting me down easy out of our friendship.
James leans back against his desk and his voice gets hoarse, "Imagine how I felt ruminating over those words for the last three years after you left."
"I just- I can't be your friend anymore."
"Why?" James whispers.
"I like you too much, it's just-" she stops.
"You like me too much to be my friend? How does that make any sense?"
"It seems you felt enough to drive you to London." Lily says in an unnaturally high tone, trying, and failing, to lighten the situation.
"Yes," James says seriously. "I thought space away from you would be good." His gaze leaves her for the first time since he started this confessional of sorts, and he fixes it to the wall behind her. "I thought that if you weren't around, that my crush, these feelings, would go away. But they didn't." James looks at her once again. "Three years later, and I still wonder what it would be like to date you. To get to go home to you. To get to share my life with you."
He waits for her to say something. When she doesn't, James pushes off the desk and shakes his head, squatting down in front of her so they are nose to nose. "You have to say something, Lily. Anything at all. What are you thinking? What were you thinking when you came in here and apologized?"
Lily feels like her stomach is trying to escape via her mouth. James' face is inches from hers. She can't break their eye contact. His eyes are searching hers. She has to say something. She has to tell him how she feels. Her mouth opens, but no sound comes out. Her breath is coming in ragged bursts- "That I don't want to lose you again. I know I don't have you now, but- I couldn't bear it if we part ways again."
His hand moves and its a graceful knuckle under her chin, tilting her forward and their lips meet.
Finally, finally, finally.
She pulls back just a little, hands on his cheeks, "We've been so stupid." she says, with a watery little laugh.
"Thank God we finally figured it all out." he says, and kisses her again, one hand moving to the back of her neck, drinking her in like water.
She pulls back again, "We have a lot to catch up on, you know."
"And the rest of our lives to do so." He says against her lips.
She can't help but grin.
A/N: Thank you for reading :) This fic feels like my baby and I can't believe it is over. Let me know what you think!