Elizabeth spent a restless night, tossing and turning as memories rendered sleep impossible. The day Jack announced he was leaving on a training assignment took the forefront. Elizabeth remembered the excitement on his face, despite the fact that they had been married only two days. She remembered the pride in his voice when he told her it was an honor to have been selected.
An honor that should have been Nathan's. An honor that would have been Nathan's but for a grudge from a superior officer.
What would have happened if Nathan hadn't disobeyed orders? Would she still have her husband? Would little Jack have his father?
She closed her eyes, shaking her head. No, that wasn't fair to Nathan. Even in her pain, she knew it was not his fault. He'd done the right thing in chasing down the cattle rustlers before they could escape over the border. Jack would have done the exact same thing. It was what the Mounties did. They upheld the right, even if it meant doing something that could get them in trouble.
She rolled onto her side, anger suddenly flaring. Who was Superintendent Hargraves, and why had he allowed Jack to lead the mission that day? Nathan reported it was dangerous. Why would that man send her husband on a training mission in bad conditions? Why?!
Tears spilled from her eyes onto the pillow. She pressed her face into it and screamed her anger and frustration. She wept for what felt like hours. Finally, exhausted, tears spent, she fell asleep. It should have been a relief, but Elizabeth found herself in a disturbing dream.
Jack stood ten yards away, hat in hand, smiling at her. Elizabeth gave a glad cry and ran to meet him. But the further she ran, the further Jack was from her. Confused, she ran harder, but it was to no avail. A rumbling sounded. Elizabeth watched in horror as a landslide fell from the mountain and buried Jack beneath tons of rock and mud. Screaming, she fell to her knees.
Another Mountie ran past her. He began frantically digging at the mess that had covered her husband. Elizabeth tried to join him, but her knees were stuck in a thick layer of mud. She couldn't move. After what felt like hours, the Mountie stopped. He turned, tears streaking his face.
Nathan.
He held out his hands, bruised and bloodied from digging. His blue eyes were anguished. "Forgive me," he said, his voice sluggish and heavy. "I couldn't stop him. I couldn't save him."
Before Elizabeth could respond, the scene changed. She was in her home. A knock sounded at the door. Laura came down the stairs, holding little Jack in her arms. "He isn't feeling well today," she said, kissing the toddler's head. "What should I do?"
The door opened. Lucas stood there, a smile on his face. "It's a nice morning for a ride," he said. "Come with me?"
Elizabeth looked between him and her son. No, she couldn't go with him. Little Jack needed her. She tried to take a step toward her son, but she couldn't move. All at once, she realized no one was looking at her. Another woman was in the room, smiling at Lucas and nodding. "I would love to go with you," she said. The woman turned. With a start, Elizabeth realized it was herself. She watched as her other self went to Laura. "I'll be back soon," she said. "Take care of Jack for me."
Mouth dropping, Elizabeth watched as she left the house with Lucas for a morning ride. "What are you doing?" Elizabeth yelled at her other self. "Why are you leaving your son? He's not well! What are you thinking?"
No one could hear her.
The scene changed again. This time, she stood in Rosemary's dress shop, wearing a hideous black dress. Elizabeth's nose curled in disgust at the dress that looked like it belonged to a saloon girl. It wasn't something she would wear. So why was it on her?
Again, she was transported in time, a witness of actions that weren't her own. Her other self was sitting in the backyard with Lucas, clothed in the ugly black dress, millions of candles lighting the night. A cry came from the upstairs window, telling Elizabeth her son was still in distress. She stared at her other self, who either didn't hear the cries or ignored them. Instead, she laughed and talked with Lucas, looking for all the world like she was enjoying herself.
Elizabeth wanted to scream in frustration. She started forward, intent of giving her other self a piece of her mind, when she stopped in her tracks. Jack stood there, dressed in his uniform, frowning at the couple at the table. Elizabeth's breath hitched when he looked from her other self to her. She spread her hands, telling him she didn't know what was going on. Jack's frown only deepened.
"Elizabeth?"
She turned to see Nathan walking out the back door, little Jack in his arms, his eyes on her other self and Lucas. Pain radiated from his entire being. Her son was screaming in his arms, little face flushed with fever. Nathan took a step back, clutching Jack, looking on in horror as Elizabeth's other self completely ignored him and reached out to take Lucas's offered hand.
Jack stared the real Elizabeth down. He didn't say anything, but his eyes were dark and accusing. He looked from her to Nathan and back again. Elizabeth couldn't move. Her deceased husband came toward her, each step determined and purposeful. He stopped a foot away.
"What are you waiting for, Elizabeth?"
She woke with a gasp, panting for breath. Blinking several times, she choked back the tears that were already forming. The dream made no sense, but it stabbed her straight through the heart. What in the world was that about? And what had Jack meant by his one and only statement? She was hurt by the accusation in his tone, but she suddenly realized that hadn't hurt the most. What hurt the most was the pain she had seen on Nathan's face. Her heart constricted inside of her just thinking about it. It had mirrored the pain she saw on his face last night before he left. He felt guilty over Jack's death. She knew that. She had to tell him it wasn't his fault. If nothing else, he deserved to hear that from her.
The dream played again in her mind. A headache developed as the images flooded her repeatedly. Finally, she swung herself out of bed, frustrated. When she went to the basin to wash her face, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She gasped. Her eyes were dark and baggy, her cheeks puffy and splotched. She looked like she hadn't slept in a week. The grief and anger from the night before consumed her. Sagging, she rested her head against the wall. How was she going to get through the day?
Bill walked from the cafe to his office. He was thankful that Clara had been agreeable to handling breakfast on her own once again. Knowing that he would most likely need to wait for Commissioner Anders to return his call, Bill wanted to waste no time calling Mountie headquarters. He had simply told Clara he had an important call to make. The young woman had assured him she would be fine. He had promised to cover the lunch hour, gave her a thank you, and turned to leave. Clara had quickly called his name. Turning back, Clara had told him that whether it was an important call or not, he needed something for breakfast.
Bill looked down at the danish he held in the hand not carrying his mug of coffee. He was thankful that Clara had been looking out for him as he took a bite of the breakfast pastry.
The danish was gone by the time he reached his office, giving him a free hand to unlock and open the door. Going inside, Bill crossed to his desk. Sitting down, he sipped his coffee and stared at the phone.
Bill had spent a good portion of the evening before formulating how to broach the subject with the Commissioner. He knew he had no hard evidence on Hargraves, but a lot of things about this prisoner transfer investigation weren't adding up. Nathan's added information about Fort Clay only made him question things more. Nathan's actions during the incident with Jenny O'Rourke had been exactly what a Mountie was told to do - try to diffuse a dangerous situation. If Novak had not gone for that rifle, Bill was sure Nathan would have been receiving recognition for his actions and not veiled incriminations. Even with Novak's death, this matter should be closed. The Novak family should have been given the information that they had requested.
So why had neither of those things happened?
Knowing that a call to headquarters was the only way to answer that question, Bill picked up the earpiece and signaled for the operator. When Florence came on, Bill requested to be put through to Commissioner Anders at Mountie headquarters in Union City. As he waited to be connected, Bill hoped that Nathan had talked to Elizabeth. Yes, Florence had been discreet about listening to conversations since becoming one of Hope Valley's phone operators, but Bill had no illusions about others soon knowing he had called Mountie Headquarters.
Nathan felt weighed down as he walked Allie to school. His niece had noticed right away that something was off when he came downstairs to make breakfast. She started to ask him questions, but Nathan wearily shook his head.
"Not now, Allie," he said gently, hoping she would understand.
She had. They ate breakfast in silence. Now, as they walked together, Allie kept up a steady stream of upbeat conversation. Nathan knew she was trying to distract him from his thoughts. He appreciated the effort. Allie was such a gift. When they entered the school yard, he pulled her into an embrace.
"I love you, Allie-girl," he said, pressing a kiss to her head.
She beamed. "I love you too, Uncle Nathan." Her eyes shadowed slightly. "Please don't keep your feelings locked up too long. You need to talk to someone."
He let out a breath. She was right. "I know," he said. "But I don't know if I'm ready to talk."
Allie gazed up at him. She didn't say anything else, just hugged him fiercely. Reaching up, she planted a kiss on his cheek before hurrying toward the schoolhouse. Elizabeth appeared on the porch as Allie darted up the stairs. She called a greeting to her teacher before disappearing from sight.
Nathan felt renewed sorrow pierce his heart as he studied Elizabeth. She looked haggard and worn. Her face was puffy, her eyes red-rimmed as if she'd been crying. Nathan took three steps forward before remembering that he was the one who had caused her pain. The memory was yet another arrow in his heart.
Elizabeth looked directly at him. Something charged between them, something Nathan couldn't name. Elizabeth slowly walked down the steps, her arms huddled around her body. She swallowed as she stopped in front of him.
"I can't talk long," she murmured in a low voice. "But you need to know something."
She had been staring at the ground, but when she finally looked up at him, there was no blame in her eyes. "Jack's death was not your fault. I want you to know I don't blame you for what happened."
Nathan's eyes widened. He hadn't expected that. "You…don't?" he repeated, afraid to believe he'd heard her right.
A faint smile tilted her lips. "No, Nathan, I don't," she said, laying a hand on his arm. "You have always done the right thing. You defend your country with honor. I am proud to know you." Hesitant, she continued. "I just don't know where we stand now. This is a big shock. I need time to think."
"I understand," he replied. He pressed a hand over hers. "Take whatever time you need, Elizabeth. I'm not going anywhere."
She smiled up at him, though tears welled in her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered. "Be safe, Nathan." With that, she turned and went into the school.
Nathan stood for a full minute, trying to process everything she had said. They had a long road ahead of them. That much was clear. Nathan could only hope and pray that they would find their way together. He loved Elizabeth and wanted to spend his life with her. The only question was whether she would be able to get to the same place.
Distracted, he started his rounds. Everything seemed to be in order throughout the town. Nathan gave Newton his head, deep in thought. When his horse stopped walking, Nathan blinked. Newton was nibbling on some grass. Looking around, Nathan realized he was in a part of the woods he rarely came to. A cabin stood before him, furniture spread around as if someone was in the process of moving. Where was he?
"Are you lost, Constable?"
The friendly voice sounded somewhere from his left. Nathan looked over to see a man regarding him beside a large porch swing, wiping his hands on a rag.
As if sensing Nathan's confusion, the man came forward. "I'm Joseph Canfield," he said. "Hope Valley's new pastor."
Nathan swung down from Newton, letting the horse graze. He held out his hand to Joseph. "Nathan Grant."
Joseph smiled, shaking his hand firmly. "I've heard a lot about you," he said, a twinkle in his eyes. "People in this town think you walk on water."
Nathan felt heat climb into his cheeks. "I'd hardly say that," he stammered.
The pastor chuckled. "Nevertheless, folks have a high opinion of you. I've been looking forward to meeting you." His eyes searched Nathan's face, and Nathan got the distinct impression Joseph could see straight into his soul. It was slightly unnerving.
"Are you handy with a hammer, son?"
Nathan blinked. "Yes," he said. "Woodworking is a hobby of mine."
Laughing, Joseph clapped his hand. "Wonderful! I'm trying to get this swing together. Want to help?"
A smile broke onto Nathan's face. Maybe this was exactly what he needed. Working with his hands always helped him think. "I'd be honored."
Joseph explained what he wanted, and together the two men began working. They chatted for a few minutes, getting to know each other a bit, then settled into a companionable silence. Nathan was so engrossed in his work that he jumped when Joseph spoke again.
"Something on your mind, son?"
Freezing, Nathan glanced up at the older man. Joseph had paused in sanding and was regarding him with wise eyes. Nathan didn't bother denying the truth. Something about Joseph told him the man could be trusted.
"Yes," he admitted. "I'm in love with a woman who doesn't know if she loves me back, and I just told her I have a connection to her husband, a man whose death was indirectly related to actions I took three years ago." The words were no easier to say now than they were when he spoke them to Bill and then to Elizabeth.
Joseph whistled. "That's not something you hear every day," he commented.
Nathan laughed bleakly. "Tell me about it."
Joseph tilted his head. "Does Elizabeth blame you for Jack's death?"
"No," Nathan said, shaking his head in amazement. "She told me just this morning that she doesn't blame me. But she did ask for time…wait a minute." He frowned, perplexed. "How did you know I was talking about Elizabeth Thornton?"
Joseph chuckled. "I'm an observant man, Constable. As a pastor, I have to recognize when a member of my flock is in need of pastoral advice or a listening ear. The town is abuzz with whispers about you and Elizabeth. It seems you two set off quite the reaction when she embraced you in the middle of the street."
Nathan flamed red, but Joseph wasn't done. "That doesn't sound like a woman unsure of her feelings to me."
Letting out a breath, Nathan leaned against the swing. "It's complicated. There's been something of a triangle between her and I and another man."
"Lucas Bouchard," Joseph said, nodding. "So I've heard."
Nathan stared at him. "Is nothing a secret in this town?"
The pastor laughed. "Apparently not," he said cheerfully. "It seems the entire town is wondering when you and Elizabeth Thornton will finally get out of your own way and admit you love each other." He raised a brow. "You already told me you love her. Does she love you?"
Nathan pressed his lips together. "I don't know," he said. Looking down at the ground, he moved a pinecone with his boot. "I don't know if she can love me. I'm a Mountie, you see."
Sympathy lit Joseph's eyes. "And her Mountie husband was killed in the line of duty."
Nathan nodded. "Can I ask her to go through that again?"
Joseph leaned against the swing. "Son, in my years as a pastor, I've learned that nothing in life is guaranteed. When love comes along, it's a gift straight from heaven, regardless of one's job or position in life." He eyed Nathan. "Are you a man of faith, Constable?"
"I am," Nathan responded.
Joseph smiled. "Good. Then take your feelings to God. Give Him everything you're holding in that heart of yours. Place your trust in Him, and let Him work things for your good. Whatever the outcome is, if you hold on to your faith, you will get through it."
Peace washed over Nathan. Joseph's words tugged at his heart. "Thank you, Pastor," he said, a genuine smile crossing his face. "I needed to hear that."
Pushing back from the swing, Joseph chuckled. "I'm just the messenger, Nathan," he said. He placed a hand on Nathan's shoulder. "I'm glad you stopped by. Can I offer you some coffee for your help with the swing? You can meet my wife and we'll chat some more."
Nathan's smile grew. "I'd like that."
By the time Elizabeth rang the bell for lunch, she was exhausted. She was thankful when all her students disappeared out the door, despite the chill in the air. She'd managed to keep herself together enough that they didn't suspect anything was amiss.
No one but Allie.
She'd seen the girl watching her throughout the day, concern on her face. Elizabeth wondered how much Nathan had told her, if anything. She'd thought Allie might say something, but she was relieved when the girl went out for lunch with her friends. In the quiet classroom, Elizabeth bent her head as she sat at her desk. She could feel tears burning her eyes. Maybe she should ask Florence or Rosemary to take over classes for her tomorrow. She thought being at school would be a good distraction, but instead she was barely holding it together.
"Mrs. Thornton?"
Elizabeth glanced up. Allie was standing in the doorway, holding something in her hands. "Can I come in?"
Straightening, Elizabeth nodded. "Of course." She stood, pasting a smile on her face. "How can I help you?"
Allie motioned to the benches, indicating that Elizabeth should sit. Feeling suddenly like one of her own students, Elizabeth sat. Allie took a seat beside her. "I got this for you," she said, holding out the paper bag in her hands.
Elizabeth accepted it. "Thank you." She peered inside. The delicious scent of cinnamon met her. Her eyes widened. "You brought me a cinnamon scone?"
Allie nodded. "I know they're your favorite, and Judge Avery was happy to provide one." She looked at Elizabeth with empathy in her eyes. "I know when I'm feeling sad, my favorite treat makes me feel a little better."
Stunned, Elizabeth's mouth dropped. "You got this because you knew I was sad?"
Allie nodded. Elizabeth felt emotions building inside. All at once she lost it. Sobs tore from her body. She felt Allie's arms circle her waist, and she held the girl like a lifeline in a storm. Allie rubbed her back and murmured words of comfort. Through the haze in her mind, Elizabeth felt proud of the young woman Allie was becoming. Not many her age would be so sympathetic. Elizabeth thought she should be embarrassed. Instead, she felt only the comfort Allie was offering.
Eventually, she recovered her emotions and reached in her pocket for a handkerchief. She dried her eyes and blew her nose. Allie smiled up at her. "Feel better?"
Elizabeth was surprised to discover she did. She smiled at the girl. "Yes, Allie, I do. Thank you." She hugged her close. "You are becoming a wonderful young lady."
Allie flushed at the compliment. "Thank you, Mrs. Thornton," she said.
Reaching into the bag Allie had brought, Elizabeth broke the scone in two. She offered one half to Allie, who happily accepted. The second half she bit into. The delicious sweetness of cinnamon brought her another form of comfort. "This is heavenly," she sighed.
Allie smiled. "I hoped it would help." She peered up at Elizabeth. "Mrs. Thornton, would you like to talk?" she asked, brown eyes wide and innocent.
Elizabeth paused. She wasn't sure what Nathan had told his niece, and she didn't want to violate his confidence in any way. Allie continued, looking worried. "Are you and Uncle Nathan fighting?" she asked.
Eyes widening, Elizabeth shook her head. "Oh, Allie, no!" she exclaimed. "Not at all."
Allie's shoulders sagged in clear relief. "Good. I was worried. I thought you might be upset with each other since you haven't really talked since you hugged him in the street."
How to explain? Elizabeth couldn't well tell the girl that she was trying to figure out her feelings for Nathan. It would only serve to confuse her. Elizabeth herself was utterly confused and in no shape to talk things out. Instead, she asked a cautious question.
"Allie, your uncle told me he was stationed at Fort Clay a few years ago. Do you remember much about your time there?"
In astonishment, she watched as Allie's face turned sad. "A little bit," she replied. "Mostly I remember that Uncle Nathan changed."
Elizabeth's brow furrowed. "Changed?"
Allie sighed. "He used to be so much fun, Mrs. Thornton," she said. "He was always cracking jokes and laughing and smiling." She sighed again. "He changed after his suspension."
She must have meant the suspension after he disobeyed orders. "Why did he change?" she asked, nearly holding her breath.
Allie shrugged. "I don't know. No one told me what happened. He was suspended, but everyone kept saying he did the right thing." She lowered her voice. "There was a mudslide while we were there. Some Mounties died. Uncle Nathan took it hard." Her eyes drooped at the corners. "He was never the same after that. He requested a transfer soon afterward. He said Fort Clay had too many bad memories."
Elizabeth's heart ached, but not for herself. It was all for Nathan. He'd been carrying guilt over his decision for three years. She could only imagine how he felt coming to Hope Valley and living in Jack's shadow while guilt consumed him.
She paused, a thought hitting her. "Allie, why did you and your uncle come to Hope Valley?"
Allie shrugged. "Uncle Nathan requested that we be transferred here." She frowned. "I remember thinking that was strange. After Fort Clay, he requested to go to Fort Simpson. Then a year later, he requested another transfer here." She tapped her leg. "I never thought of that before."
Elizabeth wondered as well. Why would Nathan request to be stationed in a place where he would constantly be reminded of Jack? What could have prompted that move? She let out a breath. It seemed that for every answer she received, more questions rose to take their place.
Her thoughts were cut short. The sound of children's laughter sounded from the yard, and Elizabeth knew it was time to start afternoon classes. She stood, smoothing her dress. She smiled at Allie. "Thank you for a wonderful lunch and conversation, Allie," she said, pulling the girl into another hug. "Now, would you like to ring the bell?"
Allie's eyes lit up. "Yes, please!" She darted to the desk and grabbed the cowbell, then ran to the doorway and began ringing it enthusiastically.
Elizabeth smiled, watching her. As the children filed into the school, she pushed her thoughts about Nathan and his transfer to Hope Valley to the back of her mind. She would think about it more later. Though she had a feeling if she wanted answers, she would have to get them from the man himself.