I'm surrounded by idiots

by Zaru

"You guys seriously can't be doing this!" Izuku barked, eyes wide at his new comrades just... bickering amongst themselves. When he had heard of the infamous Straw Hat Pirates had come to Wano via Whole Cake Island, messing with not one but two of the Emperor's main territories, he and Yamato knew it was time to return. They had explored the world enough, it was time to liberate Wano. He had dropped Yamato off for her to go in and aide Marco and Perospero...

Until he saw that Big Mom was working alongside Kaido. He trusted her to handle Charlotte Perospero fine, however...

He didn't expect three of the rising star pirates amongst the seas to be... this blaise.

"Spare me your preaching Demon!" Eutass "Captain" Kid snapped, and Izuku growled. Still the same as ever, even when he and Yamato dumped him and Killer at Enies Lobby for all the wanton killing he did in South Blue and Paradise. He can still feel the mask of Killer on his back too. "And you! You were freaking out before! Ya damn monkey!"

"And you were spectating with your finger up your butt! Jerkass Jaggy!" 'Straw Hat' Monkey D. Luffy retorted back.

"And I'm not a loser here! You're compensating!" Tralfalgar Law, the Doctor of Death, barked as well.

"WE'RE FIGHTING TWO OF THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD! GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES!" Izuku yelled.

"Save your energy Green Demon," Roronoa Zoro, the Pirate Hunter, mused. "I think aside from Jaggy, they aren't gonna hear you."

"Quit..." Growled a voice as all parties turned, and saw the giant fat witch glaring at them. "Fucking around!"

"Huh?!" The three pirate captains turned, their annoyance with one another focused on Big Mom. Her flaming familiar, Prometheus, expanded in size and even Izuku could feel the heat. "Incinerate the lot of them! Prometheus!"

"Roger Mama!" The Sun Homie leered as she reared back the train-car sized Sun.

"Heavenly Bon-Bons!" And the Sun spat out massive fireballs, and they were coming right for them!

"Get out of there! You can still dodge!" Izuku yelled.

"Sorry Midoribro!" Luffy replied. "But we need to do this! As Men!"

"SERIOUSLY?! AND WHOSE WE?!"

"Okay everyone! Here's the deal!"

"Huh?!" Izuku, Law, and Kid said at once.

"First one who dodges her attack, is a loser!"

'Oh for fucks sake' The Second User cursed.

'I'm going to get an aneurysm.' Nana groaned.

'I like the stones of this madlad.' Daigoro added with a smile.

"What are you stupid?!" Izuku said incredulously. "We're fighting for the fate of the world right here!"

"Figured you'd bitch out Demon!" Kid retorted. "Always crying and whining! You'll always be a loser!"

"Says the man I beat the snot out of!" Izuku retorted.

"As if I'll lower myself to your games!" Law barked.

"You're all a bunch of dickless cowards!" Kid sneered. "This is why you lot will never be big shots on the seas!"

"Then you're all a bunch of losers!" The two Supernovas scoffed.

"Fine, suit yourself." Kid snarled.

"Get out of there!" Izuku yelled, black whip ready to tag them both.

"Don't Midoribro!" Luffy yelled. "This is a battle between men! We're asking you not to save us please! Even if I think you're supercool as a world renowned hero!"

"Hmmph." Law huffed.

"When we finish putting these old bags six feet under, you're next, Green Demon." Kid hissed.

"Not unless I bury you first." Izuku retorted. Something about Kid just... made him angry.

"You're already gonna dodge anyway, you and Chickenshit Law." Kid's eyes were focused on the incoming fire balls.

"I'm not gonna debase myself for a pissing contest with the likes of you, firecrotch!" Izuku leapt out of the way. "You wanna get cooked, be my guest! Luffy! Law! Move!"

"Not happening! I ain't no wimp!" Luffy retorted.

"Fuuuuck!" Law hissed under his breath.

"Get out of there you guys!" Zoro yelled, and Izuku sucked in his lips as he saw the fire balls get closer...and closer... and closer...

"JUST DODGE! COME ON!"

Yet like mules, they wouldn't budge, even as they braced themselves.

"Gnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh...!" And the trio's faces cringed as it got closer.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH!" And contorted to avoid the fire as best they could, gaining triple chins in he process.

"GNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH~!"

And the explosion went off, all three men flying.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Zoro barked.

"A billion and a half. Stormed two Emperor territories. Fate of the entire world rests and us and... this" Izuku uttered, turning towards the flabbergasted swordsman, disappointment evident on his face. "I'm sorry Pirate Hunter. Your captain's an idiot."

"Yes, thank you for reminding me that." Zoro uttered with a sigh.

"Hehehehe!" Killer... laughed? That didn't sound natural. "Our Captains sure are something else aren't they!"