I do not own Once Upon a Time
Chapter 11 A Hope Deferred
How does a person go to bed and get even a wink of sleep after someone else has bared their souls to you? Such was Belle's dilemma the night Mr. Gold told her the details of his past. She had been completely honest with him-she would not leave, nor would she shun him after learning what had happened with his wife. Not that some of the things hadn't shocked her-they had, but when she shed tears that night, she shed them for him. For the guilt that weighed so heavy on him, for the pain he had suffered both physically from the fire, and emotionally from his wife. She wepf for Bae and the lack of love he had from his own mother, and somehow that caused her to love her dearest pupil all the more.
How could that woman have been so unfeeling? Belle's thoughts spat. Belle had never hated anyone in her life, in fact, she didn't even hate Cilian. Was it not a sin to hate? And did it not cause only hurt and anguish on the person doing the hating and do nothing for the person being hated. However, she very strongly disliked Milah. The way Mr. Gold viewed himself had so much to do with the way he had been treated, and the thought of it caused fresh tears.
On the other side of things, Belle could not think with some slight feeling of awe at the fact that Mr. Gold had told her things he had never told anyone else. If she didn't feel that they were friends before, this made it certain. She smiled a little to herself that Mr. Gold had spoken so deeply to her-had told her with some semblance of a smile that she was unlike any girl he had ever met. These words were a boon to her soul and the words she finally replayed over in her mind as she closed her eyes in sleep.
How dear Bae seemed to her when next he came into the schoolroom! His rosy cheeks and brown mop of hair seemed to her the very epitome of sweetness and beauty. If his father could not find solace in anything else, he could at least be proud that he was raising the sweetest child to walk earth. The Mills family were a testament that children left to themselves could be foolish and cruel, it took tender parenting to raise a child that was as selfless as Bae was. Sweet children from cruel parents were anomaly, little Emma was the example there, and Belle worried that she desperately needed the tender guidance of a caring adult in her life.
Bae was doubly joyous when he entered that day because he had something quite pleasant to look forward to.
'Monday next is my birthday, Miss French, and Papa says I might ask you if you would like to come with me, Mrs. Lucas and Mr. Dove to town to buy presents for the staff! Say you'll come, Miss French, say you'll come!' He was bouncing on the tips of his feet and he pleaded with dancing eyes. She would be truly heartless to deny him, so she replied,
'Of course, dearest Bae. And what shall you buy the staff, do you think?'
'I do believe, if I remember correctly…' His little nose scrunched up and he put a finger near his face in thought. 'I bought them candy and nuts last year. Do you think I ought to do the same for this year too?'
'I believe your Papa might be the authority on that. I can't say as I had enough staff to give trinkets and presents when I was little.'
Bae prattled on about the few birthdays he could remember, his eyes bright with the thought of future joy. In fact, he could hardly study that day and for the first time, Belle struggled to get him to put his mind to anything at all. She was constantly urging him to focus, he misspelled all the words given to him, and every sum presented. By the end of the day, she had surrendered to the fact that there would be no deep studies that week. They went outside to collect leaves and she tried to distract him with questions on what trees the leaves belonged to and what their names were. This could not keep his chatter from continuing on what he wondered Mr. Jeffrey would bring him, for he always brought him some sort of toy or trinket. Would there be cake? Surely there would be cake. And, when was Miss French's birthday? Did Mr. Jeffrey bring her trinkets when she was a little girl? Did he truly bring her only hand mirrors, ribbons, and such things? He would hate-alright, he would strongly dislike such distasteful gifts, though he suspected Miss French might find them lovely, she was a girl after all.
Belle laughed good naturedly at the prattle, and finally saw him off to go in search for his Papa, while she collected herself and stole a few solitary moments before dinner.
It would be the first time she had seen Mr. Gold since that evening in the library. She wondered if she would even be able to look him in the eye. Would he be distant and icy, knowing she knew all his deepest secrets? Or would the friendship grow deeper because of everything that happened?
Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she entered the dining room. Her hand smoothed her skirt, her slinged arm stiff-the sight of the break aching with the coming cooler weather, her employer's leg most likely having some similar sensations.
Everything was as it should be. Mr. Gold looked a little less lost in thought, his shoulders not as tense, his look not as wild. She was still looked at as if she might suddenly disappear, but she hoped that when the sling came off in a couple of weeks, the reminder of her injury would be gone, and therefore quite forgotten. There were also a few moments of temporary awkwardness and reddening, just thinking of the conversation that was last had, but they made it through dinner very tolerably indeed.
'Did Bae do well with his studies today? He was a bit…boisterous in the library this afternoon and I'm afraid he may have been a bit of a handful.'
Bae looked pleadingly at Belle, knowing full well how little he paid attention that day. For Belle's part, Mr. Gold's warm smile at the question let her know all was well-no iciness had formed over previous thawed layers.
'I confess he was a bit preoccupied, sir. Birthdays only come once a year, though. I'm sure the excitement will not be so great tomorrow.'
She had been honest with Mr. Gold, but softened the edges for Bae-such that she received a chuckle from the one and a sheepish smile from the other, respectively.
'I am sure of it, Miss French. ' Then turning to Bae. 'You'll be more than attentive to Miss French tomorrow, won't you?'
Bae gulped audibly. 'Of course, Papa. I'm sorry, Miss French.' He said dejectedly. Belle longed to change the subject.
'Bae spoke of going to town sir?'
'I thought you might-that is-I thought you might like to go to town, there's no obligation…'
'I am excited to go, sir.' She smiled warmly. 'That said, may I speak with you about something after dinner? It will take but a moment.'
Mr. Gold looked questioningly but nodded an 'of course.'
After dinner he told Bae to run along to the nursery, he would be there promptly, and in the outer hall Belle posed her question. Mr. Gold almost looked frightened of her-and of her question no doubt. Perhaps he was afraid that she might bring up his past once again, and she felt sorry he looked so lost in that moment.
'In two months it will be a year-a year since my father…' A lump formed in Belle's throat. A year had almost passed-it sometimes felt like yesterday! Mr. Gold's countenance softened to one of concern as soon as the first part of her speech was spoken. 'Since my father passed away, sir. I thought that, with your permission to extend the trip with Bae. Perhaps Mrs. Lucas might step into a shop or two with him while I make a purchase of some dresses, since I brought only the black ones with me-all others had to be sold.'
She looked down for a moment, unable to meet the soft looks just right then. She didn't know why she told him the other dresses were sold. She might as well have told him every single precious thing that couldn't fit in her small bit of luggage she brought with her was sold as well. Perhaps she didn't want him to think that she wanted new dresses to be frivolous, or perhaps it was because with everything shared from his side, she felt like she had found her own confidant in him.
'Of course, take all the time you need.'
She nearly curtsied and left but he stopped her with a, 'Miss French?'
And she looked back up at him, noticing, now that they were standing so near each other in the hall-not sitting like they normally would do in the dining area, or him sitting in the library, or even sitting out of doors, but here, he did not tower over her petite frame as all her previous acquaintances did.
'Yes Mr. Gold.'
Mr. Gold cleared his throat nervously. 'I find, it weighs heavily especially after our conversation the other night, that I greatly misjudged you when you first came and may have been-in fact, I know I was rather harsh in my speech with you. I am very sorry for it, and hope you will forgive me.'
This quite startled Belle. The Mr. Gold she knew in the first weeks of her residence at Dark Manor looked nothing like the Mr. Gold she knew now, however, though he behaved vastly different, he was in all the essentials very much the same person that was standing before her.
'I thank you for your apologies, and I forgive you easily, sir. You love Bae very much, and it didn't take long to see that and afterwards see there was no true animosity towards myself, only worry and concern over your son.'
He had that look again. Like he had the night he laid open the old wounds of his past. Like she was some sort of fairy creature instead of a mere mortal.
'Thank you, Miss French.' It was a simple phrase but it carried with it much more meaning than the words themselves expressed.
She saw him shifting with his cane and remembered how much pain he must be in to stand. She curtsied again and went back to her room to allow Mary to prepare her for bed.
According to Bae, the week went by in very slow fashion. Belle often quoted the words from Proverbs 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when it comes it is the tree of life.'
'I have no idea what that means.' Bae pouted on the Wednesday, still struggling, despite having his father's prompting, to focus on anything other than the trip to town and the subsequent birthday that would be celebrated.
'It means…' Belle said slowly, trying to reign back his attention. 'That while waiting for something, or if something you look forward to is put off, seems like the hardest thing to bear, but once it finally arrives it makes it all the more sweeter. Patience is a virtue, is the other phrase that comes to mind, but that phrase comes with very little to recommend said virtue. I think it's better to realize that good things are worth the wait.'
This satisfied him for all of five seconds before he wondered if they should review the days of the week, so as to count off how many there were left before going into town. Belle sighed.
The day did come, despite Bae's lament that it might not. He bounded down the stairs ready in his best clothes and paced the floor while Belle and Mrs. Lucas finished getting ready. Belle hated, especially for poor Bae, that it took her so long to get ready-but reminded herself of what she had been drilling into Bae all week. In less than two weeks time she would be ridding herself of the sling, and would be able to dress herself again. It would be worth the wait. She was the last one to come down, and Bae reached out and pulled her arm in impatience to get out the door. It was not to happen before Mr. Gold appeared and gave his son strict warning to be on his best behavior and to listen to both Mrs. Lucas and Belle. Belle had a fleeting thought where she wished that Mr. Gold was going with them, but would not dare ask.
Finally, they got in Mr. Gold's carriage, and they were set for their small adventure.
Author's Note:
What was supposed to be one chapter is now turning into kind of a two part-er. It will continue with the trip to town. I hope you enjoy a bit of a lighter chapter this time :)