"Here." Caren placed a large helping of mapo tofu in front of Reines, the sauce bubbling and releasing a miasma of spice.
On a chilly morning, Caren and Reines had met at the former's place of work, Koushuuensaikan Taizan. Well, technically not work, but apprenticeship. Caren wanted to serve her new friend a meal, one that was definitely not made to melt Reines' tongue off. Nope, not even a little. Caren definitely didn't want to watch and enjoy her friend's agony. Nope. Okay, maybe a little.
Reines looked up from her seat at Caren who was currently dressed in the red cheongsam that was her uniform. The blonde squinted at Caren who was stone faced.
"Really?" Reines said.
"What's wrong?"
"You think I'm going to eat this?"
"Are you not going to eat something I made for you?" Caren's head tilt did nothing to sway Reines' heart.
"Caren, I know this is too spicy to eat."
"How do you know?" Reines put a finger to her cheek.
"Because I know you, and I know what I would do if I were you. Also, this tofu looks like magma." Reines scooped up some of the tofu and took a whiff, only to recoil and pinch her nose shut.
"I just made it the way I think it tastes best. A true friend would eat it to be nice."
"Well I'm not nice." Reines put down her spoon and Caren clicked her tongue. The blonde proceeded to take a sip of water which she then spat out. She breathed heavily and covered her mouth as she was overcome with spiciness she didn't expect.
"Did I forget to tell you? That water's a special recipe of mine, mapo water. Do you like it?"
"I can never let my guard down against you." Reines was having a coughing fit so bad manager Batsu had to bring her milk.
"A friendship without a little hostility is boring." Caren sat down across from the Reines.
"Caren, you're still on shift." Batsu said.
"I'm taking my break early." Caren's dismissal was met with a huff from Batsu who returned to the kitchen.
"God." Reines finished chugging her glass of milk and wiped her mouth with a napkin. "I thought I was bad, but you're on a plane of sadism all your own."
"It was just spicy water, relax." Caren leaned on her hand.
"I have a gentle palette." That was rather self-evident. Reines began looking at her reddened lips in her compact mirror. "Moving on, how have you been lately? It's been a bit since we last met up."
"Nothing besides using every modality at my disposal to spread misery. The usual."
"You need to see a psychiatrist. So do I. So do most people."
"I don't want to see a psychiatrist. I like my life as it is now." Caren had been thoroughly inoculated to any attempts to change her behavior after having lived a decade saturated with her father's lectures. "It's not like I'm doing any real damage to anyone."
"I want to chastise you, but we share the same predilections so I'd be a hypocrite if I did. It doesn't really matter anyway since you're all talk."
"No I'm not. I have plenty of substance to me." Caren sat up.
"Please." Reines waved a hand. "You claim you use 'every modality to spread misery,' when all you do is act rude sometimes and serve people spicy food."
Caren frowned but couldn't deny Reines' declaration. Despite her captivation with human agony, she was rather tame, all things considered. Perhaps that was a good thing? Caren wasn't even sure anymore. She used to be proud of her unique proclivities, but gradually she began to doubt the rightfulness of her behavior, and now she was just muddling through things based on her momentary impulses. Sometimes she'd be cruel, other times she'd hold back. This dichotomy of instincts was one among multiple lately that had caused discord within Caren's once copacetic mind.
"How have you been? You said you haven't been able to meet up lately because you've been busy." Caren changed the subject.
"Yeah. I've been helping my brother with business, it's a whole thing."
"What kind of business requires a fifteen-year-old's assistance?"
"I'll have you know that I'm quite the savvy negotiator." Reines smirked and raised a finger. "My brother's the one in charge of the family business right now, but he's just keeping my seat warm until I'm of age."
"I see." Caren knew that Reines was avoiding the truth. She was involved in the Holy Grail War, with her brother probably being a Master. That should have provided a conflict of interests from Caren's perspective given her sisters were also participants in the war and thus Reines and her brother were a threat to them. Initially this didn't bother Caren since she generally cared about others as much as she cared about any food that wasn't spicy, that being not at all. Then, as time passed, and Caren saw Sakura in the hospital, something stirred within Caren. She felt discomforted by Sakura's pain rather than enticed. The threat of the war felt more real all of a sudden, and so did its consequences. Seeing the collateral damage of the war on television, hearing reports of skyscrapers being demolished and people disappearing made Caren anxious. Rin, Sakura, father, and Reines popped into Caren's mind every time and Caren began to genuinely worry about their wellbeing. She was acquiring the first inklings of empathy and she hated it, but she found no way to stifle the growth of these feelings.
Her cultivation of empathy had caused Caren to become especially concerned when it was reported on the news that morning that the Fuyuki church had been destroyed and its residents were nowhere to be found. Was Kirei dead or had he secretly relocated somewhere else? Caren wanted to just not care, but she did care.
"Reines."
"Mmm?"
"How's the Holy Grail War going?"
"…"
"…"
This was a dumb idea. Reines probably thought Caren was affiliated with an enemy Master or even was a Master. Would Reines attack? No, she wasn't so brash. Did Caren just ruin this friendship? Probably. Why did she mention the war? What compelled her to be so idiotic?
"It's technically over." Reines closed her eyes. "You don't know that, but you know that the Holy Grail War is supposed to be going on. Interesting. I assume you're a magus."
"No, I'm just a normal human. Well, I have a certain psychic ability pertaining to demons, but that's irrelevant." So the war is over? Then why's there still chaos in Fuyuki and why hasn't Kirei said anything? "I'm the overseer's daughter."
"He did mention a third daughter. What a coincidence." Reines put her thumb to her chin. "With everything happening, I guess he hasn't had the chance to contact you. He's been spending every waking moment preparing for the final fight."
"What's going on? You said the war's over, so what do you mean by a final fight? I've been in the dark for most of this because my father's so protective."
"On the one hand, I want to follow your father's wishes if he really is keeping everything from you intentionally, but on the other, I think you'll be safer if you're aware of what's happening. I suppose I'll tell you. Buckle-up, this is going to be a rollercoaster."
Reines wasn't exaggerating when she called the war a rollercoaster. Three Lesser Grails, two Counter Force agents, a corrupted Greater Grail bent on human extinction, a group of revived Servants, a Divine Spirit, a warrior woman from another realm. It was so complicated. The part that gave Caren the greatest pause was hearing that Rin had summoned a parallel timeline version of herself who she then had to fuse with to survive. Caren felt like she missed a year of events.
"So that's what's happening." Reines stood up. "I have to get back to base. I need to get back to preparing."
"Preparing how?"
"Strategizing, readying Mystic Codes, that kind of thing. There's not much I personally can do, but I can't do nothing when the world is under threat." Reines picked up her suitcase(which Caren now assumed carried some kind of Mystic Code) and kicked her legs a bit to stretch them.
"What are the chances that you and the others will actually win against the Grail?" Caren stood up too.
"Not low, but not high." Reines' voice was low.
"Can I help?" Why did Caren say that? It was because she would die along with the rest of humanity if Avenger got its way. Right? No, it wasn't just that. Caren wanted to be there to help her father, sisters, and new friend. If they died, then Caren genuinely didn't know how she would react. If Caren could protect the people who were significant to her, then she wanted to. No, she didn't want to, she was compelled to because she was starting to have feelings.
"Do you want to?" Reines's head pulled backward and had a creeped out expression
"I…do. I do. I don't want to die, so we have to stop the Grail." Caren regained confidence with her false reason.
"How could you help? You aren't a magus and your psychic ability isn't combat applicable I assume."
"That's true, but I have a mastery of bajiquan that's superior to even my father in his prime, at least according to him. If a magus can boost my abilities with magecraft, then I should be able to provide some help."
"You told me you practiced martial arts, but I didn't realize you were that good." Reines adjusted her hold on her suitcase. "Maybe you could help. It isn't up to me alone to decide. I'll take you to the base and you'll present your case."
"You act like I'm going to be put on trial."
"You really won't. I doubt that anyone besides your family would object to you helping."
"My family definitely won't want me to help. They'll be afraid I'll get killed." Caren wasn't sure she could convince them. "Whatever. Manager, I'm leaving!"
"But you aren't done for the day!"
"I don't care!"
Caren and Reines left the restaurant and went to the base of the anti-Grail force. It was a traditional Japanese mansion, one of many in Miyama. Reines took Caren through the gate and probably multiple Bounded Fields Caren couldn't detect.
Before Reines and Caren reached the front door, it was slid open by Rin. She looked similar to how she used to, but she had red highlights in her hair and she was a little taller, a little older. There were no wounds on her body so the weird fusing with another version of herself thing worked. The consequences of this war had become just as apparent as they had when Caren saw Sakura in the hospital.
"Hey, Caren." Rin said timorously as she looked back and forth between Caren and Reines. "How have you been?"
"Fine." Caren's surprise at Rin's changes trickled into that single word.
"That's good. Why are you here?"
"I know about everything that's happened in the war."
"Really?" Rin glared at Reines. "However did she find out?"
"Don't look at me like that. I didn't bring it up, she did. I didn't even know she was anyone related to you until she just blurted out something about the Grail War." Reines crossed her arms and Rin's lip curled.
"Caren, why are you here? You knowing what's happening doesn't explain why you showed up."
"I want to help fight the Grail."
Rin's head tilted forward and her facial muscles slacked. Her eyes stuck to Caren before darting around. The magus's face scrunched together as if she tasted something sour.
"Why do you want to help?"
"Because I don't want to die. If you guys screw this up, I'm gonna die along with the rest of humanity." Caren let her tone sharpen. "I can't trust you guys to handle this alone so I'm going to help."
Once again, Rin's face played around. At first her features settled into a configuration that had become very familiar to Caren. It was the usual look of annoyance and resignation that Caren had come to know, but then the expression shifted into something more cautionary.
"How could you help?"
"How rude of my sister to underestimate me. Did you forget that my hand-to-hand combat skills surpass even you? If one of your group uses magecraft to let me exceed my physical limits, I'll be more than able to help."
"You're better than me, but that only applies to bajiquan in a controlled setting. Kirei's father was on your level, but he never used the martial art in a fight to the death, so if he and Kirei had a life or death battle, Kirei would win. You're the same, you don't know how to implement bajiquan in a battle where you have to kill. You lack experience."
"You say that as if you didn't have your first life or death battle a few days ago. You were just as inexperienced as me before this war."
"Rin, who are you talking to?" Sakura peeked out from behind Rin. "Caren? What are you doing here?"
"This is going to be annoying to explain over and over." Caren said. "Can you go get father? I need to talk to him."
"Sure, I guess." Sakura left to go get Kirei.
"He's going to say no." Rin leaned against the side of the doorframe.
"I'll convince him." Caren just didn't know how yet.
One awkward silence later and Kirei stepped through the doorway and was before Caren and Reines, Rin and Sakura at his sides. Rin updated both Kirei and Sakura on Caren having learned about the current state of the war and her desire to help.
"Absolutely not." Father's words were spoken ex cathedra. "I was actually planning to contact you to tell you I want you to get out of Fuyuki and take a plane to the opposite side of the planet. Fuyuki isn't safe, even if Avenger doesn't incarnate. All it would take would be one encounter with Gilles de Rais for you to be used as a sacrifice to summon a tentacled abomination."
"Won't I be safest if I'm with your group of gathered Masters and Servants? I'll literally have some of the strongest beings on the planet to protect me."
"You'll be at the heart of the conflict and with the quantity and quality of the enemy's forces, everyone will be too preoccupied to protect you."
"I can protect myself as long as one of the Casters gives me a boost with magecraft."
"It's still too dangerous. I'm already infirm in my decision to allow Rin and Sakura to participate," Kirei looked at the girls at his sides. "I certainly won't let you get involved. I can't even trust you to tell me the truth of who you're spending time with, let alone trust you to fight a host of horrors."
"I only didn't tell you I was meeting with Reines because I wasn't sure she even was a magus involved in the war." Caren wasn't entirely lying, just obfuscating the significance of her previous suspicions.
"Then why did you refer to her with a fake name? I believed you called her Reiko."
"Because even if you weren't sure they were a Master, if they had a foreign name, you would have been worried they were involved in the war and you'd have told me not to see her."
"And I would have been right to do so."
"This is besides the point." Caren raised an arm. "I can help and I have the right to considering my life is already on the line just like every other person on this planet."
"You are a child who lacks the intellectual capacity to make these kinds of decisions on her own. If You go to the other side of the planet like I'm telling you to, then you could still survive, even if Avenger incarnates. The Counter Force won't take the Grail's effort to exterminate humanity lying down. It will send Guardians to stop the flood of curses before it can reach the other side of the Earth and kill all human life. As such, it is vital that you go to the other side of the planet and wait. That way, at least one person who knows what happened in this war can live and remember. This is non-negotiable. The conversation is over, now come inside for now while I ready a car to take you to the next town over where you can get a plane ticket."
"No." Caren scowled.
"This isn't for discussion."
"I'm helping."
"Why are you so dogged about this?"
"I just want to make sure I don't get killed by the Grail! Why are you making me repeat this?" Caren's shoulders jittered.
"Because you're making no sense. You'd have the highest likelihood of survival if you follow my orders and go to the other side of the Earth."
"I disagree. I'll best secure my survival by fighting." There was a hitch when Caren said best.
"You're lying. It's obvious you are." Kirei leaned closer to Caren. "You're normally quite proficient at lying, so seeing you spit out such dismal fibs is bizarre. Why do you really want to participate in the fight?"
"I already told you why!" Caren stood stiffly.
"Caren, stop acting…childishly!" Kirei probably wasn't used to describing Caren that way.
"I'm not!"
"Stop lying!"
"I'm not!"
"I think I know why Caren wants to help." Sakura became the focal point of attention. "It's because she's worried about us. She wants to be there to help us so we're less likely to die."
A whimper came from Caren's throat while Kirei and Rin made sure to check Sakura's expression to make sure she wasn't spouting some gobbledygook as a goof. The purple haired girl's face was stone cold. Checking Caren's face, Rin and Kirei found she was displaying more emotion than she ever had before. She actually looked like a fourteen-year-old girl for the first time. At least that's what Caren thought since she couldn't see her own face. The fact that she would imagine herself in such a vulnerable way was proof of just how out of her comfort zone she was.
"Is this true, Caren?" Kirei asked.
"It…" Caren felt a hand on her throat. It was her own, constricting her windpipe to stop herself from giving away her newborn weakness. She didn't want to admit the truth, but it would be in embracing that truth that Caren could act upon her desire. To hide her genuine self behind a veil was to blind not only those around her from her true face, but also blind herself, preventing her from attaining what she wanted. "It's true. I don't want you all to die."
"Really?" Rin laughed, assuming this really was a joke, only to see that Caren was serious. "You really care about us? Why? I mean normally that would go without saying given we're family, but you've always been, uh, distant."
"I don't think she even realized her feelings until they were put to the test." Reines was still standing on the sidelines. "Now that you're all in danger, she's come to understand that she does actually value you all. It's hard not to become attached to people you spend so much time with."
"Huh." Rin brushed some of her hair behind her ear. "Well, thank you for caring about us. That sounded weird and condescending, sorry. I don't really know what to say, but I will say that I care about you too."
"So do I." Sakura nodded. "I get what you're feeling right now Caren, at least part of it. The desire to help those you care about, people who seem so close yet distant. You want to help, but you also think you might get in the way. Every rejection of your offer to assist feels like a personal statement confirming that you're just as useless as you think you are. Caren, I think you'd be a useful ally if you fought with us. I think you should be allowed to help."
"I understand where Sakura's coming from, but I still think it's too dangerous to involve Caren given the scale of the battle ahead. As was said before, at least one of us should be sent away to be a survivor if things go south." Rin said.
"Father?" Caren's fate was in the hands of Kirei, the man who would break the tie formed by his adopted daughters.
The priest sighed and stood with his eyes closed and his hands behind his back. Would Caren's true motivation be enough to persuade him? The fact it was affecting him at all was a good sign, though Caren wasn't sure as to why. Why did her motivations matter so much to him?
"Caren, you genuinely care about us. Did you only just discover these emotions?" Kirei still had his eyes closed.
"Yes."
"And you realized them due to wanting to protect us?"
"Yes."
Father went quiet again.
"These feelings in you are something I want to nurture so they flourish. Caren, suppose you followed my orders and went to the other side of the planet. In the optimistic situation where we succeed, but we still all die in the process and so you are left alone, how do you think it would affect the development of your burgeoning empathy?"
"I'd probably feel betrayed by my new compassion and see it as a hindrance. I'd suppress my empathy until it was practically deleted so I wouldn't be hurt by losing anyone ever again." Caren let her heart speak.
"In that case, you may participate in the final battle." Kirei opened his eyes. He was stoic. "The empathy you now possess is something that needs to be preserved, and it certainly can't be allowed to regress. If helping us is necessary for you to continue down the path you've found yourself on, then I will allow it."
"Really?" Rin said.
"Yes. If this helps her stay distant from the urges both she and I share, then I will allow her to join the fight."
Caren felt at peace. She wasn't excited by being accepted. She was calm. Relieved, but also concerned by the fight she would now need to participate in. One wrong move and everyone would die. Even if the war was won, Caren might still get killed. Why did she want to do this again? Right, her family and Reines. Stupid empathy.
"Congrats." Reines grinned. "Now can we go inside? We've been standing outside with the door open this whole time. We're gonna let flies in the house."
Kirei nodded and led the way inside with everyone else following.
"Thank you." Caren scooched close to Sakura and whispered that to her.
"No problem." Sakura whispered back with a smile.
Caren was going to help save the world, and more importantly, herself, her family, and her friend. This was the dumbest decision she had ever made in her life. Oh well. Here's hoping it wasn't a complete disaster.