Chapter: Sixteen: Honesty of Youth
Ch. Summary: Obi-Wan has an intense conversation with Master Yoda and Master Windu. It's the masters that learn something this time.
Obi-Wan floated up to consciousness in bits and pieces. He heard voices around him, smelled something sharp and chemical like bacta, felt a tight ache on the right side of his neck and face. When he finally opened his eyes he had to immediately shut them to block out the bright lighting above him. Well, one eye anyway, since it seemed his right eye was completely covered in a bandages.
Grunting, he squinted open his left eye again and looked around. He was in the temple Halls of Healing. And he ached from his neck up to his head. Gingerly he lifted a hand and prodded at the bandages that covered him almost from shoulder to forehead.
"Don't touch that," Master Healer Vokara Che scolded as she stepped into the room.
Clearing his throat, Obi-Wan attempted to croak a greeting, but earned himself another scolding look.
"Don't speak just yet," she said as she stepped over to a pitcher of water and poured him a small cup, slipping a straw into it. "Sip this slowly."
Following directions, Obi-Wan's eye closed as the cool water soothed the scratch and dryness in his throat. "Thank you," he rasped, then took another sip.
Healer Che just hummed, giving him an assessing look. "Well, Padawan, you sure did a number on yourself."
Obi-Wan opened his mouth about to ask what happened, when it all came rushing back. His vision of Cerasi, Wehutti pointing a blaster at his own daughter. The realization that the blaster was actually a slugthrower. He felt the blood drain from his face and turned a panicked eye on Healer Che.
"What-uh, how bad is it?" he asked, prodding at the bandages on his neck again. Healer Che lightly smacked his hand away.
"Stop that. It's not as bad as it could have been," she said. "I was able to repair the damage to your eye and patch up the puncture in your artery. You'll have some scarring, but it shouldn't be too bad." She had a thoughtful expression on her face as she looked at him. "That there wasn't any permanent damage, you have the Mandalorians and Master Kenobi to thank for that."
A jolt went through him as he realized that his master, Master Ben was nowhere to be seen. "Where is Master Ben? Is he-" he hesitated almost afraid to ask. "He is still in the temple, isn't he?"
Master Che snorted, her dubious thoughts on the master showing themselves. "The Council granted him residency in the temple. Though no one is exactly sure where he came from. He's been in and out of meetings since he brought you back. I banned him from the Halls when I caught him trying to sleep in your room."
She couldn't possibly know how reassuring her words were. Master Ben still wanted him. He wasn't disappointed that Obi-Wan was stupid enough to attempt deflecting a slugthrower. He kept his promise and didn't leave Obi-Wan alone.
"Can I see him?" Obi-Wan asked trying to conceal how eager he was. "Now that I'm awake, I mean."
The healer, however, didn't give him the answer he was hoping for. "You're to speak with Master Yoda and Master Windu first," she said. "They want to ask you about what's happened to you the last few months."
There was a surge of dread inside him, but Obi-Wan swallowed it down and nodded. "When will they be here?"
"Your bandages need to be changed, first. Then you need to eat something, you're unhealthily thin at the moment, and I'll help you get cleaned up."
Obi-Wan frowned. "I'd rather get the conversation over with," he muttered.
"And I'd rather not have padawans rushed into my Halls with slugthrower injuries, but we can't all get what we want." She threw a scorchingly chastising scowl at him.
Sinking further into his pillows and blankets, Obi-Wan grimaced and nodded meekly. "Sorry, Master Che."
She harrumphed at him and spun on her heels toward the storage cabinet. "Now, let's get your bandages changed."
The rest of the hour was spent following Healer Che's list. Reapplying bacta and bandages, feeding him a light meal, and assisting him with a makeshift sponge bath. That last part had been a bit embarrassing, but she wouldn't just let Obi-Wan take a sonic. Apparently he was still slightly anemic from blood loss, despite more than one transfusion, and she didn't want to risk him passing out in the fresher.
"Now, rest for a bit and I'll call Master Yoda and Master Windu to tell them you're ready for visitors."
It seemed like an endless wait before the door finally slid open to reveal the diminutive Grand Master of the Order followed by the stern faced Master of the Order.
"Good to see, it is, that you are healing well, young Obi-Wan," Yoda greeted him with a kind smile on his wrinkly face.
"Thank you, Master Yoda," Obi-Wan returned, thought when he tried to smile back his wounds pulled and he grimaced.
The old master hummed in sympathy as he stepped forward. He used a Force assisted leap to land gently on the foot of Obi-Wan's bed, where he sat cross-legged with his gimer stick laid over his lap.
Master Windu took a seat in the chair by his bed and gave the young padawan what Obi-Wan assumed was an attempt at a softer expression. The boy wondered how long it had taken Depa to be able to tell the difference between her master's various scowls.
"It's been brought to our attention, Obi-Wan, that some of the details so of your last mission with Master Jinn were overlooked," Master Windu began, though privately the man thought it was a vast understatement, if everything Ben Kenobi told them was true.
The teen looked between the two masters in light confusion. "Didn't Master Jinn give you a report?"
"Report, Qui-Gon did," Yoda nodded and Obi-Wan was surprised to see that the master's expression was very serious. "Speak to Master Tahl, able to, we are not. Still healing, she is. Hear your experiences on Melida/Daan, we would."
"Oh," Obi-Wan allowed some of his concern to echo into the Force. "I hope Master Tahl will be alright?"
"She's expected to be released from her healing trance and taken out of the bacta tank some time next week," Master Windu told him. "Master Che believes she'll eventually be able to resume her duties." That the master was not expected to regain her sight, he didn't say. He didn't want Vokara to skin him alive for upsetting her young patient.
"From the beginning," Yoda prompted not unkindly, "you should start. When arrived on planet, what did you find?"
Obi-Wan took a pause to think out the sequence of events. His mind was a little sluggish, but he recognized the effect of low level painkillers from when he'd broken his arm as an initiate.
"When we met our contact on the planet, we discovered that the Melida had taken Master Tahl hostage," he began his story and succinctly recounted the events all the way until he and Master Jinn had disagreed on the future of the Young.
"They'd risked their lives to help us rescue Master Tahl," Obi-Wan said, trying not to sound as desperate for understanding as he was. Then he reminded himself that Master Ben understood and he mostly convinced himself that was all he needed. "They were only children. Cerasi and Nield were the oldest at thirteen. I couldn't just abandon them to fight the Elders on their own. They were getting killed already."
"Felt your path lied with the Young, you did," Yoda asserted when Obi-Wan took a steadying breath.
"I did, Master," the boy nodded. "I felt like the Force wanted me to stay. To help the Young end the war their parents were fighting and gain peace."
"And you discussed this with your master?" Master Windu asked, his expression unreadable.
Obi-Wan hesitated. He almost didn't want to tell them the whole truth. His shame and the faint remnants of loyalty to his old master made the prospect of revealing the rest daunting. But he remembered how calm and understanding Master Ben had been. How he'd even been a little angry on his behalf and completely understood his need to help. Even if the master said he would have gone about it differently.
"I tried to, Master," Obi-Wan finally admitted. "I tried to convince Master Jinn to stay," he grimaced again, "but Master Tahl was too injured. I know she needed medical help, but I also knew I couldn't just leave. Master Jinn didn't believe me when I told him it was the Will of the Force."
"What did Qui-Gon do then?"
Obi-Wan looked at Master Windu and saw his expectant scowl. He remember Master Che mentioned that Master Ben had been in meetings with the Council. It wasn't exactly impossible that he'd already told them what Master Jinn had done. If he had there was no way Obi-Wan would be able to fudge the details.
"Master Jinn told me that if I didn't leave with him and Master Tahl, that if I chose to stay and help the Young, I would no longer be a member of the Jedi Order. Then," Obi-Wan's breath caught with familiar shame and he made an aborted move to touch the shaggy burnt length of hair behind his right ear, "then he cut off my braid and demanded my lightsaber."
There was a flash of quickly released anger and he turned to see a heavier frown on Master Windu's face. "He demanded your lightsaber?" When Obi-Wan nodded, his face tightened further. "He left you in a war zone without a weapon?"
Slightly confused by the master's demeanor, Obi-Wan just nodded again. "Yes, Master."
"How did you protect yourself?" demanded the Master of the Order.
"Nield taught me how to use a blaster," Obi-Wan replied. "Then when Master Ben came, he let me borrow his former padawan's lightsaber."
Alarm colored Master Windu's Force presence. "Kenodi gave you a Fallen Jedi's lightsaber?"
Surprised by this reaction – and that Master Ben had told the Council about his padawan-, Obi-Wan eyed the master, but quickly realized the source of his concern. "It's alright, Master. The crystal hadn't been completely corrupted yet, it was only Shadowed."
That didn't seem to ease the master's mind much. He looked about to demand more answers when Yoda's throaty hum interrupted him.
"Master Ben's padawan's kyber, felt, how did it?" the small master asked curiously.
Obi-Wan thought about how to put it into words. "It didn't feel hostile," he said first. "It wasn't exactly friendly, but it accepted Master Ben as an ally, sort of. After I held the saber for a few moments and touched it with my Force presence, it accepted me as an ally too."
Strangely, that didn't seem to surprise the masters. They shared a silent speaking look then turned their attention back on him.
"Generous, it was, that Master Ben lent you his padawan's saber."
A light blush only visible on the left side of his face, Obi-Wan agreed quietly. "I was honored to wield it. I know how much his former padawan still means to him."
It was only after he said it that Obi-Wan realized what his words implied. The blatant attachment Master Ben still felt for his Fallen padawan. Attachment that was forbidden by the current interpretation of the Code.
Feeling the boy's worried guilt in the Force, Yoda simply nodded. "Attached, we all are, to the younglings we raise to knighthood."
Obi-Wan blinked in shock at the old master. Darting his gaze toward Master Windu he witnessed the man grimace and throw the Grand Master a disapproving frown.
Huffing when all he got was a raised eyebrow from the small green master, Mace turned the conversation back on hand.
"How long were you alone with the Young before Master Kenobi showed up?"
"About five months," Obi-Wan answered, deflating in relief that he hadn't accidentally revealed one of Master Ben's secrets to the Council.
"Why didn't you try to contact the Order?" Master Windu asked. "Why didn't you request aid from the Council directly?"
Obi-Wan gave the master an incredulous look. "Master Jinn dismissed me from the Order, Master Windu," he answered like it should be obvious. "Even if I could have gotten to an interplanetary comm unit, I didn't think the Order would send aid to a disgraced padawan."
There was so many things wrong with that sentence that Mace didn't know where to start. "Surely you know that a master cannot simply dismiss a padawan like that. There is a procedure that must be followed."
The boy looked down at his lap, a twinge of embarrassment and anger in the Force. "I know that now," Obi-Wan said, his voice stiff. "Master Ben told me when I explained how I ended up on Melida/Daan."
"Explain this, your master should have, when taking you as his padawan," Yoda said with a troubled expression.
Obi-Wan for the first time showed a flash of temper toward the masters before him. "Well, he didn't. Master Ben is the one that told me Master Jinn couldn't actually kick me out on a whim. He also told me that you need two Council members to witness before you can resign from the Order. I don't know of anyone else in my age group that knows these things either. Even the ones with masters already."
That was not a pleasant realization, Mace thought as he stared at the injured, yet unbowed teenager in front of him. Kenobi the time traveler's words came back to him then, that the Order needed to change. If so many of their younglings were growing up and being sent out into the galaxy without even knowing their rights, something did need to change. At least in how they educated their members.
Almost dreading the answer he would get, Mace asked, "Did Qui-Gon explain anything when he accepted you as his padawan?"
Another flash of anger streaked across the boy's injured face, but there was also a heavy undercurrent of insecurity in his Force presence.
"I was just grateful Master Jinn accepted me at all. I wasn't going to risk him changing his mind by demanding explanations and answers from him."
That was not how the master and padawan relationship was supposed to start, much less how it should have continued a year into their relationship. Mace turned to see what Yoda was making of this and was surprised when he saw that the older master's ears were drooped and his shoulders slumped, a feeling of guilt and regret just barely escaping his control.
There was a long pause before Mace felt he needed to speak up again. "I want you to know that you are not a disgrace, Obi-Wan. What Qui-Gon did was not right, it was not how we do things. You are still very much a valued member of our Order."
The boy bit his lip and darted his gaze away from eye contact. "Master Ben has told me this many times. I have trouble believing it, but when he says it, I want to."
Another wave of sadness came from Yoda before the old master controlled his emotions once again. "Wise, Master Ben is," he said with quiet sincerity. "Much gratitude, do I owe him, for looking after you, young Obi-Wan."
That surprised the teen and Mace took the shift in conversation to move back to more immediately pressing matters.
"After Master Kenobi joined you, what happened?"
"We made plans to capture the communications tower so we could call the Mandalorians," Obi-Wan answered plainly and guiltily enjoyed seeing the disgruntled expression on the Master of the Order's face. Even if the masters didn't buy into the Mandalorian horror stories from the creche, he knew that the tenuous peace between their peoples left much to be desired.
"Contact the Mandalorians, whose plan was it?" inquired Yoda curiously, much of his previous emotional turmoil put to the side for now.
"Master Ben suggested it," Obi-Wan told them without an ounce of doubt or hesitance. "Mandalorians treasure children above all else. Master Ben said that the iHaat Mando'ade/i – the True Mandalorians – wouldn't refuse to help us once we explained what was happening."
"Again you did not attempt to contact the Order, even after learning that you weren't dismissed." Mace had never felt so much like they were failing their younglings as he did during this conversation.
"Master Ben made the case that it was likely that the Council would have declared Melida/Daan a lost cause and prohibit more interference." He wasn't wrong, Mace had to admit. That was exactly what they had done when Qui-Gon had returned with an injured master and sans padawan. "He said if we contacted the Jedi it would take too long for the Council to investigate our claims and then debate on whether or not to send assistance. He estimated it would have been two to three weeks before the Jedi could begin to send aid."
Obi-Wan didn't mention that Master Ben was also wary of the Council's reaction to him.
Again, Mace couldn't exactly negate anything Obi-Wan had said. The matter of reopening the Melida/Daan case would have taken a fair amount of debate and investigation. Deciding on a course of action after that would have been no less time consuming.
"How long did it take the Mandalorians to arrive?" he asked almost reluctantly.
"Three days," Obi-Wan replied with a hint of pride and not an ounce of repentance. "Jango showed up with fifteen Mandalorian warriors and enough rations to feed the Young for a week."
"Jango," Master Windu repeated warily. "The Mand'alor gave you permission to use his first name?"
Obi-Wan shrugged, not exactly understanding the master's reaction. "After we signed the contract and established that the Haat Mando'ade were on Melida/Daan as independent contractors, not diplomatic envoys from Mandalore, he said it would be simpler to just use his name."
There was a lot to unpack in that statement. Most of it, Mace was pretty sure, would be better to address when the Mand'alor himself eventually demanded his face to face with the Council.
"Formidable warriors, the Mando'ade are," Yoda commented, with an audible amount of respect. "Honorable, they are as well."
"What exactly did the Mandalorians do for the Young?" Mace asked, his voice still wary.
"They helped us chip away at the Elder's power base," Obi-Wan said with a grim seriousness that didn't belong on a teenager's face.
As they listened to Obi-Wan explain the strategy and effectiveness of their campaign to weaken the Melida and the Daan, Mace reflected that if he never again witnessed a youngling speaking this knowledgeably about war it will be too soon.
"Taking the Halls of Evidence was fairly simple at that point," Obi-Wan said after his long and detailed recounting of the scarily effective irregular warfare a bunch of children waged on warmongering adults. "We split our forces and attacked both Halls at the same time."
"Where you were injured, this was?" Yoda asked, having been quiet and unreadable while observing his great-grandpadawan speaking of war.
Obi-Wan stiffened at the question, his face, what they could see of it around the bandages, pinched in a look of self recrimination. "Yes, Master Yoda."
The old master studied his slumped posture curiously. "Not your fault, this is. Blame yourself, why do you?"
The boy sighed, resigned and looked back up at the Grand Master. "Master Ben told me what happens when you try to deflect a slugthrower. I should have known this was going to happen."
Mace frowned at that. "How could you have known? Slugthrowers look very similar to old style blasters. In the moment I wouldn't have expected you to tell the difference."
There he hesitated again, before reluctantly explaining, "One of the Young had already been injured by a slugthrower, so we knew the Elders had some. And I had a vision the night before we took the Halls."
"Of your injury, this vision was?"
"No, Master," Obi-Wan shook his head. "I had a vision of Cerasi being shot and killed."
The two masters traded a look. "Tell Master Ben of this vision, did you?"
He nodded, then admitted, "I almost didn't. Master Jinn didn't like when I mentioned my 'bad feelings' or talk about the other visions I'd had in the past year. He'd always admonish me to live in the here and now."
Yoda's brow creased, but he offered almost cautiously, "Not bad advice, this is."
Obi-Wan wasn't quite fast enough to hide his scowl, but Mace blinked and the boy was doing a surprisingly good impression of his older counterpart's serene mask. "As you say, Master."
That was a response Mace had heard many a time from padawans that thought their masters were being particularly dense, but knew they'd get scolded if they said so outright.
Morbidly curious, Mace asked, "What did Master Kenobi tell you about your vision?"
He earned himself a wary look from the teen and he could tell the boy was internally debating whether or not to be truthful with them again. The obvious lack of trust from Obi-Wan was actually hurtful and disheartening, but Mace was the Master of the Order, his hurt feelings were less important than a youngling's well-being.
When the teen finally answered he did so with a defiant gleam in his visible eye. "Master Ben told me that the Force does nothing without reason and disregarding Force-visions can be foolish and deadly."
That, Mace could tell, was almost a direct quote. "Acting on visions has been known to lead to greater and often times worse outcomes than what you were trying to prevent," he countered just to play devil's advocate, curious as to see how much conviction the teen would defend Kenobi's advice.
Obi-Wan attempted to cover up a roll of his eyes, but the burgeoning scowl on Master Windu's face told him he hadn't been as subtle as he thought. He quickly schooled his expression when he replied, "Master Ben also told me that visions can be confusing and misleading. We meditated together and asked the Force for clarification, if it wanted to show me anything else."
That was actually really good advice. Plagued with shatter-points as he was, Mace often meditated for clarification on the things he saw. It didn't always help, but more often than not it did.
"Did the Force respond with any kind of clarification?"
Surprisingly there was another flash of self recrimination in the boy's expression. "The Force kept showing me the image of Cerasi's heavily bleeding wound," he said. "I realize now that it was trying to tell me that the wound was made by a slugthrower. I just didn't understand." He prodded at the bandage on his cheek sullenly and grimaced.
The pitfalls of visions, Mace contemplated, was that they often didn't make sense until after it was all over. Still Obi-Wan was alive and presumably he'd saved the other teenager's life as well.
"Understand this message, Master Ben also did not," Yoda offered with a sympathetic hum. "Shame, you must not feel. Shame he feels, for allowing harm to come to you."
Obi-Wan was quick to protest that. "That's not true. He didn't allow me to get hurt! It's my fault for not paying attention. I'm lucky I wasn't hurt worse."
"Think this of you, Master Ben would?" Yoda asked the boy pointedly. "Find fault in your mistakes, does he?"
Obi-Wan snapped his mouth closed and sighed. "Well, no. Master Ben never gets frustrated with me when I do something wrong. He doesn't even get impatient when I can't understand one of his lessons."
"One of his lessons?" Master Windu asked with a raised eyebrow.
Again there was a flash of hesitation and the master could tell that the boy was having another internal debate. By this time it was fairly obvious that Kenobi had already been imparting dubious wisdom on his younger self, but what that wisdom entailed, the time traveler had been tight lipped about. The Council had questioned him further on his assertions of their stagnation and the supposed shortcomings he'd perceived in their philosophies, but he'd mostly refused to elaborate.
If Obi-Wan could tell them what Kenobi had been teaching him the Council would have better idea of what kind of upheaval he was looking to cause. And hopefully how to circumvent it.
"Tell us, you should, more of Master Ben's wisdom," Yoda prodded gently, casually. "Discover what kind of master he is, the Council would like."
Still Obi-Wan hesitated, bit his lip and darted his exposed eye back and forth between the two masters.
"You're not in any kind of trouble," Mace tried to assure the teen, assuming fear of punishment was what was staying the boy's tongue. Instead, Obi-Wan's expression turned indignant, verging on defiant.
"In trouble, Master Ben will not be either," the Grand Master added, ignoring the exasperated look the younger Master of the Order shot at him. "Punish beings for differing opinions, we do not."
The defiance was replaced by mild dubiousness, but the old master's words did reassure Obi-Wan he wasn't accidentally going to bring the might of the High Council down on his master's head.
That the teen was already so loyal to a mysterious master he'd only known for a couple of months was disconcerting, thought Mace. Could this be a byproduct of their true relation to one another, unknown to the teen it may be?
"The first thing Master Ben taught me was how to share my emotions with the Force."
Mace frowned. "Releasing your emotions into the Force is touched on in initiate training."
Obi-Wan huffed at the master's misunderstanding. "Not release my emotions. Share my emotions."
"Perhaps, describe this technique, you should," Yoda suggested.
"Releasing your emotions into the Force is like erasing them all together, there's nothing left. You can't even describe them once they're gone," Obi-Wan said, both masters nodding along. "When you share your feelings, you're not getting rid of the emotions. You're sharing the burden with the Force. It leaves behind an echo, so you remember experiencing and feeling the emotions but they don't overwhelm you."
Yoda gave a thoughtful hum while Mace scowled at the concept. That was not exactly in keeping with the iThere is no emotion, there is peace/i, aspect of the Code.
"Demonstrate this, you should," Yoda finally said. "Learn something new, I just might."
Obi-Wan brightened at the old master's almost playful grin, then closed his eyes and concentrated. He slowly scooped up all the anxiety, exhaustion, and frustration he'd pushed aside through this conversation. Keeping his movements in the Force slow so the masters would see exactly what he was doing, he gently tossed the emotions into the Force where they dissipated like mist leaving, as he said, an echo, a slight imprint behind.
At Yoda's throaty hum, Obi-Wan opened his eyes and examined the masters' expressions. Master Windu looked like he'd bit into something sour, but Master Yoda was tapping his clawed fingers on the wood of his gimer stick thoughtfully.
"Teach you this, why did he?"
"Master Ben said that emotions are natural," Obi-Wan replied slowly, thinking through his answer. "He said we have them for a reason and we shouldn't just get rid of them. We shouldn't let them control us, but we can gain and learn things from them."
"Interesting, this technique is," said Yoda after a moment of thinking on Obi-Wan's words. "Not wholly unfamiliar with it, I am. Think and meditate more on it, I will."
Sighing heavily, Mace silently resigned himself to doing the same. "What other things has he taught you?"
"Well, there was the thing about my visions," Obi-Wan said, visibly running through a list in his head, obviously picking and choosing what he should mention. "And he's taught me a little bit of Force-healing, just minor things like pain management and scrapes and bruises. We had a good amount of practice on that."
Neither master wanted to delve into the implications of that last part.
"Experienced, he must be," commented Yoda thoughtfully, "saved your life, he did, with his use of Force-healing."
"What do you mean?" Obi-Wan frowned. He remembered Master Che mentioning something like that as well.
"How much do you remember about your injury, Obi-Wan?" Mace inquired.
"Not much," Obi-Wan admitted. "I know Master Ben was there with me before the medic came. I barely remember him telling me he was going to Force-suggest me to sleep. After that I think I woke up for a second when we landed at the temple, but that's about it."
"Master Kenobi, it appears, is knowledgeable enough in Force-healing to slow your blood loss," Mace told him, an actual measure of respect in his voice. "Then he held you in a Force-healing stasis trance for five days straight. From what Healer Che told us and what the Mandalorian medic relayed, that's the only reason you were able to make it to Coruscant."
Obi-Wan's eyes were wide. A swell of shock and warmth surged inside him. "Master Ben really did that?" he asked wonderingly. His kind, generous, heretical master really sat in a meditative trance with him for five straight days?
"Care for you greatly, Master Ben does," Master Yoda answered with a kind smile.
Master Windu watched the play of emotions on the teenager's face. Anyone would be impressed and thankful that someone held them in a healing trance for five days, but there was something about the pure disbelief and happiness on Obi-Wan's face that bothered him. It was almost like the boy was surprised anyone would go to lengths just for him.
"Yes, Master Yoda," Obi-Wan nodded, his throat becoming a little tight not with his injury, but with quiet joy. "I care about Master Ben as well," he said with no shame. If the man could hold him in a trance for five days, Obi-Wan could admit to the two most powerful people in the Jedi Order that he had an attachment to the mysterious master.
"Expressed to us, a desire to take you for his padawan, Master Ben did," Yoda informed him, his gaze intent on the boy's reaction to his words.
There was another flash of happiness, not quite hidden fast enough for the two masters to miss. Obi-Wan quickly schooled his expression though when he realized that Master Windu and Master Yoda were still very serious.
"Rare it is, that a master and padawan should be separated at the request of another," the old master added.
Obi-Wan's face fell and his wasn't able to stop the spike of worry inside him. "You didn't- you're not- Masters," he sucked in a breath and tried to calm himself, but it was hard. "Masters, what did you say to him?"
"We said we would speak to you and discuss it further," Master Windu answered. "He lodged serious complaints against Master Jinn. We would be remiss if we didn't investigate them."
"I won't go back," Obi-Wan burst out before he could stop himself. "I won't go back to Master Jinn. I respect him as a Jedi Master, but I can't- I can't be his padawan."
"Your differences, be mended, they cannot?" Yoda inquired neutrally, none of his own inner guilt and sadness apparent in his demeanor or his Force presence.
"No, Master," Obi-Wan said a little sharply. His panic and firm refusal was disconcerting for the two masters who had never seen quite so adamant a reaction from the teen before.
"Master Jinn never wanted another padawan. In fact he harshly refused me numerous times citing my anger and aggression as proof of my destiny to Fall to the Dark side. And even after he reluctantly accepted me I always felt like he was watching me, just waiting for me to prove him right. Nothing I did was ever satisfactory enough for Master Jinn. I can't go back to that." He sucked in a shaky breath. "I can't go back to living in Xanatos's shadow. Expected to Fall at any moment, but still being unfavorably compared to him."
Mace was taken aback by just how unstable the teen was at the suggestion of returning to his former master. He knew they couldn't allow Obi-Wan to remain in Qui-Gon's care. Just the fact that the master had obviously ruined what little trust they had between them by abandoning his padawan in a war zone was enough of a reason to separate them. But some of the things Obi-Wan said, though concerning, also made him curious.
"Master Kenobi had a Fallen padawan as well," Mace reminded him, and the boy's sharp gaze shot to him. "Don't you think you will be living in his shadow should you become Kenobi's padawan."
Instead of uncertainty or doubt or even sadness, Obi-Wan's defiance spilled unhindered into the Force. "Master Ben doesn't believe anyone is destined to Fall. He doesn't look down on me for my emotions. Even after I told him none of the other masters would take me because I was too angry and aggressive, he didn't make me feel ashamed. Not once did Master Ben make me feel like he was comparing me to his former padawan. Not once did he make me feel like he was just waiting for me to fail."
The implication being that Qui-Gon had been blatant enough in his own distrust of a child that Obi-Wan felt shamed and inadequate was not complimentary. Mace gritted his teeth, trying to fight down his anger and frustration.
No child should feel as if they were destined to Fall. No child should feel as if their caretaker was just waiting to be disappointed in them.
He considered that they should have forbidden Qui-Gon from ever taking another padawan after he repudiated not just Xanatos, but his first padawan as well. They should have known pushing that man into taking another padawan wasn't going to end well. And there Obi-Wan Kenobi was, abandoned in a war zone and injured from a slugthrower.
Not to mention how apparently having Qui-Gon for a master negatively effected Kenobi enough that the time traveler implied it was partly why he'd made certain mistakes with his own padawan.
No, there was no doubt that Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn were to be separated. Whether Ben Kenobi would be allowed to take his younger self as a padawan was another issue.
Yoda's familiar throaty hum broke through Mace's thoughts. "Remain Qui-Gon's padawan, you will not," he said and both masters could see the relief on Obi-Wan's face. "Speak more with you and Master Ben, I will, before a decision about your future master, made it is."
"Thank you, Master Yoda," Obi-Wan sighed, finally able to share his panic and fear with the Force regaining himself some emotional stability. "Just thank you."
TBC...