Thank you everyone for the kind comments, I really appreciate them and I'm really glad everyone's enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it :3
There's a few songs that I like to listen to and that I think fit the vibe of the story so I'm gonna share them with chapters if people want to listen along. 3
This chapter's song is You and I by PVRIS
I sometimes forget that since the PWC was held in Galar, I'm much more popular here. I'm reminded when we leave for the restaurant and find someone's tipped off actual paparazzi, who are waiting at the doors. Their cameras flash wildly as they try to surge forward, even as Dawn jumps in front of me, angrily shouting for everyone to get back. But Leon taught me that sometimes it's okay to answer a few of their questions- to appease them, so maybe they'll leave you alone a little.
A lady holding a microphone gasps as I pause in front of her. She looks between me and Goh, blinking. "This is Goh, the friend that was always with you back when you first won the PWC, right?" she asks, sticking the microphone at me. I never thought that anyone would pay much attention if Goh and I started speaking again. I thought they'd have forgotten about that by now, or never cared in the first place.
"That's right," I say, looking at the camera, and hating myself for playing along.
"Does that mean you're friends again? It was speculated that the two of you fell out following your win and rise to fame."
I bristle at the suggestion that the breakdown of our friendship was anything to do with fame. I bite my tongue though, and instead reply "yes, we're friends again."
"Alright, that's enough," Dawn says, grumbling and grabbing my arm, dragging me away as the cameras follow, still trying to ask me questions. She pushes me into a cab and I sit back, groaning.
"I forget I'm friends with a famous person sometimes," Chloe says, blowing out a breath as she sits between Goh and I.
"You're talking about me, right?" Dawn jokes from the front seat, swishing her hair over her shoulder and grinning. I laugh, feeling a little lighter, but stay quiet for the rest of the journey to the restaurant.
I stay quiet for most of the meal, too. Dawn keeps shooting me concerned glances, but I try to smile each time to reassure her that I'm fine. I just don't know how to feel about the whole situation, especially since I've voiced my feelings to her now. Honestly, I don't know how to act, either. It's not really awkward, but the conversation still doesn't exactly flow between us yet. We still have most of the gap to bridge.
I know the night is doomed when, after dinner, Dawn orders shots to our table. They're awful, burning things that taste like licorice and almost make me gag, and go straight to my head. Goh looks equally unimpressed, which makes me laugh. We move on to a bar, where Dawn and Chloe participate in a karaoke competition. It's pretty mortifying to watch, and I spend most of the time with one hand over my eyes, peering between my fingers at them.
I try not to drink too much, mostly because I don't want to have to drive a truck tomorrow with a hangover, but also because I need to watch my tongue around Goh. Every time we make eye contact my face burns, which is super embarrassing. If he's noticed, he probably thinks I'm weird as fuck.
When we move into the next bar, a girl immediately catches my eye. She looks up as we walk in, her face stone-cold and bored. I'd recognise her from her black leather jacket alone. The frown quickly flips to a smile as our eyes connect.
"Ash!" she calls from her barstool, waving. "What are you doing here?"
Slightly drunk, I beeline for her, almost falling into the seat beside her, beaming back. "Hey Marnie. Long time no see."
It's actually only been a few months since I last crossed paths with her accidentally. We ended up hanging out a few times while she was visiting Unova a couple of years ago when I'd just enrolled in university, and ended up becoming pretty good friends. Sometimes she texts me, but prefers to meet up in person from time to time.
She glances over my shoulder, and her mouth drops open. "Oh my gosh, is that Goh?" she asks. He isn't close enough yet to hear her, so I nod. "I thought the two of you hadn't spoken in years?"
"We hadn't," I say, my voice dropping as he approaches. "Long story."
"Hey Marnie," Dawn smiles wide. We all hung out together a while ago, and the two of them got on like a house on fire. Dawn was hell-bent on setting us up for a while, but I disappointed her by letting her know that I was not interested in Marnie that way. She sits on the other side of Marnie, and Chloe sits beside her, leaving the only free seat, which happens to be beside me, to Goh.
"Hey!" She waves over to Dawn and Chloe. "And hey, Goh. Nice to see you again."
Goh smiles, perhaps a little awkwardly. "You too, Marnie."
She turns her attention back to me. "Where's that girlfriend you told me about?"
Ah shit. "We broke up," I explain for the fifty-somethingth time. "Don't ask."
"Shit," she says, laughing. "I didn't really like her, anyway."
"Me neither," Dawn pipes up, and I pretend to be offended as they both laugh together.
"Do you have another one?" Marnie asks me as I order a vodka soda.
I scoff. "What do you think I am?"
She shrugs. "Every girl we ever pass looks at you like they want to eat you."
I almost choke on air. "What? No they don't," I argue, looking to Dawn for backup, but she just shrugs and nods, signalling that she agrees. I don't think I've ever noticed that.
"Mmm," she hums, sipping from her drink. "Yes they do."
"Even you?" I ask, raising an eyebrow, trying to wind her up. Instead, she shrugs nonchalantly, smirking.
"I wouldn't say no."
Oh. Well, fuck. That was not the reaction I was expecting or aiming for. She seems only half-joking. I glance right to Goh, whose eyebrows are raised. Marnie barks out a laugh.
"Oh God, I'm kidding. You looked like you were going to puke." She laughs again, and I blow out a breath, shaking my head.
"Shut up. Why were you here by yourself, anyway?"
"I don't like anyone," she says matter-of-factly. That sounds very her. "Mind if I join you? If you're staying out, that is."
"Please do," Dawn begs. "Ash is so much more lively around you."
"Dawn," I chide. Secretly, I want her to join, too. Even though she's a terrible, terrible influence. She's always trying to get me into messy situations. She could tell a million stories that I absolutely don't want Goh to hear.
"Okay." She lifts her glass. "Here's to getting absolutely shitfaced."
"No," I argue. "I'm driving tomorrow."
"That's tomorrow." She pouts, sticking out her bottom lip dramatically. "Live for the now, Ash." She's being sarcastic, so I roll my eyes at her, but don't say no when she buys a round of shots. This time, they're colourful, fruity things that are much easier to swallow. A little too easy, actually, and we all end up having two more in the following hour on top of our drinks. The bar gets busier as the night goes on, the volume of the music creeping higher until it's booming like a club, and Marnie drags me out onto the dancefloor as a rock song comes on.
"Is this your brother?" I shout over the music.
She nods proudly, beaming at me. "Yep. Good, isn't it?"
It is. I let her lead me in a totally uncoordinated and sloppy dance, and try not to look back to the bar to see if Goh is watching. I'm probably not helping my chances if he is. We must look crazy right now. Instead I close my eyes and enjoy the music, the alcohol singing in my blood. Marnie throws herself around like she doesn't have a care in the world, and I want to be able to move like that. I want to not have a care in the world, either.
As the song starts to wind down I laugh, a little out of breath as Marnie throws her arms around me, jumping up and down, ecstatic that they played her brother's song. I finally glance back at the bar, and my heart sinks down to my feet when I realise that not only have Dawn and Chloe disappeared, but another guy has taken my seat, and is talking to Goh.
He's the total opposite of me- pale skin and tidy blonde hair. I freeze, Marnie's arms still on my shoulders. I didn't expect the jealousy to be this strong, but it's overwhelming, making me unexpectedly angry. I feel Marnie shaking my shoulders and tear my eyes away to see she's flagged down the girl holding a tray of shots and is asking for two.
"I should probably slow down," I argue, but she's already paying for them. She picks them up and holds out mine. A brief look back at Goh tells me that the guy is leaning closer into Goh, grinning. I jerk my head back, throat going dry, and take the shot from her, throwing it back. She cheers and throws hers back too, wincing at the taste.
"I need a smoke," she complains, already dragging me towards the door. She knows I won't smoke, but that I'll keep her company while she does, and make sure no one creeps on her while she's alone. I feel a tug back towards the bar as we go, though, like I don't want to tear my eyes away from Goh, even if it breaks my heart to see him flirt with someone else.
The smoking area is pretty busy, and filled with people smoking something that definitely isn't cigarettes. Marnie casts her usual judgemental glares all around her as she leans up against the wall, lighting her cigarette. I feel like she's scouting the area for someone to take home, which is her usual style too. She's very casual about everything in her life. I kind of admire her for it.
"You seem stressed," she observes. "Sure you don't want one?"
"I'm sure." I sigh and lean against the wall beside her.
"I've never seen you like this," she says, looking at me like she's trying to figure me out. She takes another drag of the cigarette.
"What do you mean?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.
"In love," she says casually. I choke, feeling all the blood rush to my face as I splutter out a few incomprehensible words. She just laughs, her shoulders shaking. "Relax. I'm not going to tell him."
"I'm not in love with him," I say. "We've only just started speaking again."
"Whatever you say."
"I'm not," I argue, hating how pathetic I sound. But I'm really not.
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself, Ash?" She asks, shaking her head. "Also, you're gonna have to hurry up and make your move. Pretty sure that guy was just about to make his as we left."
My heart somersaults and then sinks to new depths. A mixture of intoxication, jealousy and compulsion makes me feel suddenly nauseous. "Really?"
She puts the cigarette out and pushes off the wall. "Let's go find out," she says, heading back inside. I can't even force a smile as we head back inside, and find myself holding my breath unconsciously, until we step back into the sweaty heat of the bar, and I see him sitting alone where we left him, looking around like he's trying to find us. Our eyes meet, and he smiles like he's relieved.
"Go on, then," Marnie mumbles, pushing me gently towards him, then leaving me, spotting Dawn and Chloe dancing to another rock song. I take a deep breath and walk over as casually as I can manage.
"I thought you'd left with Marnie for a second there," he says, laughing, but it sounds pained.
"God no," I say, shaking my head, taking the seat beside him again. I wonder if that guy is coming back. Well, he's not getting this seat back if he does.
Goh waves at the bartender and orders two drinks for us. Not three. Well, he's probably not coming back, then. I let the relief wash over me. Goh leans on his elbow and smiles at me, making my stomach flip. "I was thinking earlier about the time the four of us were turned into little kids. Remember that?"
I remember. The strange feeling is something I'll probably never forget. My heart flutters at the thought of Goh reminiscing on old memories, and feeling nostalgic for what we used to have. "I remember," I say.
"You're so different now," he says wistfully, looking at me like he's analysing me. I force myself not to shrink away from his gaze, and stare right back into his impossibly bright blue eyes. "You still seem pretty breezy, but you're much more mature now."
"Well, I am eight years older," I joke, smiling. He smiles back, but it doesn't reach his eyes, and then it's hard to breathe again. I want to be inside his head- to know what he's thinking and feeling.
"I don't hate you," he finally says. I blink at him, confused, until he adds: "I told you I hated you at the fair. I don't."
"You had every right to. I was being an ass," I admit.
"Me too." He frowns. Before I can apologise again Marnie throws one arm over my shoulder, falling into me a little in her drunken state. Goh laughs, the sound lighting me up.
"Dance time," she says in my ear, pulling my arm. I don't have a choice in the matter, and she hands me another drink as we sway to the music. Dawn and Chloe are beside us, holding each other, completely in their own world.
"You just told me to make a move then pulled me away," I grumble, sipping the drink.
"You weren't going to. Besides, I had to update you. I spoke to the guy that was flirting with Goh."
"You're crazy," I say, even though I'm eager to know what he said. Trust Marnie to secretly gather information for me like that.
"He said Goh said he already has a boyfriend." She grins. Well, that's disappointing.
"That's just what anyone says when they're not interested."
"Or, it could mean that there's already someone he's interested in." She nudges me with her elbow, raising her eyebrows. "Huh?"
I laugh, enjoying her enthusiasm, but I want this conversation to end now. I can't let her give me stupid drunken thoughts that will lead to questionable decisions. I distract her by buying her another shot, and then dancing with her for over half an hour, until I'm so dizzy I have to sit down again. I glance at my phone and see that it's one in the morning. I groan loudly, and Goh sits up straighter beside me.
"What?"
"I didn't plan on staying out this long," I say, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Or drinking this much."
"You can go," Dawn says from behind me, making me jump. She cackles, delighted that she gave me a fright. "We're gonna stay a bit longer, though."
I scan the crowd for Marnie, and see her making out with a guy that literally looks like a male version of her, right down to the leather jacket. Well, I doubt she'll miss me when I'm gone, then. I sigh and stand up, wobbling a little. "Alright. Text me when you get home, though, and stay with Chloe."
"Obviously." She sticks her tongue out at me, then gives me a brief, tight hug around my waist before sauntering back to Chloe on the dance floor.
"I'll come with you," Goh says, standing too. I bite my lip nervously, a million thoughts invading my brain at once. I tell myself to calm down and gesture to Marnie until she looks up and sees me, then waves goodbye, adding a wink at the end. I roll my eyes at her as we head for the door, and step out into the night.
It's cold, and I cross my arms, looking up into the sky. It's a clear night, and the stars are mostly visible, despite the streetlights around us. I blink, trying to clear my vision, the alcohol clouding it. An idea strikes me, and before I can put any thought into it, I'm speaking.
"Wanna walk?" I ask. It's at least a twenty minute walk back to the hotel, and I know it's a stupid idea, so I expect him to laugh or say no, but instead he shrugs.
"Sure."
There's a park we can walk through that acts as a shortcut, so I head in that direction. Goh walks beside me, hands stuck in the pockets of his jacket. The silence is surprisingly comfortable, and neither of us speaks until we enter the park. There's no one else around at this time of night, and the lack of streetlights make it pitch black. I glance up, knowing the stars will be so much more visible from here, but the view still steals my breath away. The whole sky is covered, the stars littered across the whole horizon, gently shimmering.
Feeling the urge to stay here a while, I walk off the path and onto the grass and sit down, leaning back on my arms. Goh hesitates on the path for a few seconds before eventually joining me, probably annoyed at me, but I don't mind. It's just so peaceful and quiet here, away from the banging music.
I smile up at the sky as Goh sits down on the grass beside me. He looks up too, eyes darting over the stars. I remember he used to like stargazing, and probably still does. Sometimes he'd try to point out constellations to me, but I was always too distracted to pay much attention or remember. Now, though, despite being drunk, I'm wholly present, and can't take my eyes off him.
"You can see the Gardevoir constellation," Goh says, pointing up at a bright cluster of stars. I tear my eyes away from him to follow his gaze, and see what he means. It does look somewhat like a Gardevoir.
I nod. "I see it."
When I look back down, Goh is watching me. My face heats up and I look away quickly before he can see. I hear him take a deep breath before he speaks. "Do you know who your soulmate is?"
I shake my head, frowning. I almost tell him the part about them being male, but bite my tongue, thinking that might come across weird. "I've never had a successful relationship, so I have no idea."
Goh smiles then, but it seems sad, and my heart clenches. "Ah, I forgot to mention. Soulmates can be platonic, too."
"Oh," I say, looking away. The psychic did suggest that I would have a relationship with mine, but the information still worries me. What if mine is a platonic one? What if this strange tugging I feel towards Goh is a soulmate bond, but we're just meant to be friends? It would explain why we got on so well so quickly when we were younger, and why I've always felt drawn to him, even when we were oceans apart. "Do you… Do you know yours?"
"No," he sighs. "I've never had a successful relationship either."
"But you have had one?" I ask before I can stop myself. I mentally curse myself, knowing that sounded nosey.
Goh doesn't seem bothered. He stares off into the stars, and my heart clenches as I realise he's thinking about a relationship he's been in. Jealousy sinks its fangs deep into me. It sends physical pain up my chest.
"Just one. For three years."
Three years. I stop breathing for a second. He was in a relationship for three years? "Oh wow. That's a pretty long time. Who were they?"
Goh bites his lip and draws his knees up to his chest. For a second he looks just like he did as a thirteen year old kid. "Tokio."
My eyebrows fly up. "Like, Tokio that was in Project Mew with you?" I ask incredulously. He nods hesitantly, not looking at me.
"We don't talk anymore," he says quietly. He looks so sad that it makes my throat close up. Is he not over him?
"Was it recent?" I ask gently.
"Just a few months ago," he explains. I bite the inside of my lip hard, trying to fight off the unfair jealousy that's overwhelming me. Well, he's almost definitely not over him, then. Especially if it was three years. My selfish thoughts leave a bitter taste in my mouth.
"I'm sorry," I say, because I don't know what else to say. He shrugs, finally looking at me.
"It's fine. It was inevitable," he explains. I want to ask him what that means, but don't want to push my luck. "He wasn't my soulmate. They say you know when you kiss them because the feeling's unmistakable. Or hug them, if it's platonic. Something about those parts of the body connecting."
I shrug too. "I've never felt anything like that."
"I don't think I have, either. Though until you're looking for it, you might miss it," he suggests, shrugging. That thought digs into my brain. He's right. If I'd hugged my soulmate when I was twelve, how would I know that what I felt was that? Well, at least I'm almost certain it's no one I've hugged or kissed in my adult life so far, then.
"You weren't surprised when I said Tokio. You knew I was gay," Goh says quietly after a few seconds of silence. It sounds almost like a question, so I nod.
"Chloe told me."
I can't tell if he's annoyed or not. He doesn't exactly seem it, but he does fall quiet again, staring up into the sky at Gardevoir. I'm worried that I've upset him, and the cold is starting to creep in again as the alcohol wears off, so I stand, offering him my hand. He takes it, a spark jolting up my arm as his skin touches mine, stealing my breath.
"We should get back," I say, dropping his hand. He nods in agreement and we walk side by side again the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. His room is just down the hall from mine, so he rides the elevator with me, hands still stuck in his pockets. He sighs a few times, but I don't ask why.
When we reach my room he hovers in front of my door. Every nerve in my body is on fire as I push open the door, because my brain is screaming for me to make a move, stupid as it may be, and invite him inside. Instead I smile, stepping inside alone. "Goodnight, Goh."
I swear he hesitates, just for a second, but then he steps away.
"Goodnight, Ash."