Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology ]
In which the Bennets and the Gardiners arrive at Pemberley
Pemberley
Miss Bingley
The following morning, seeing preparation for more guests, Miss Bingley was determined to discover who was arriving. She followed her hostess and Georgiana to Lady Anne's study to help them with the name-cards for the new arrivals. To her acute irritation, the wrinkled old crone came too.
"Do you have yesterday's list?" Lady Anne was asking her daughter.
"Yes, Mamma. Shall I add the new names to it?"
Miss Bingley leant over the desk as Lady Prudence took the quill and watched as she added 'SIR TINLEY,' 'M JARDINIÈRE' and 'BINGLEY' to the men's names, and 'Lady Step-Notte,' 'Mme Jardinière,' 'Anne,' 'Jane,' 'Missy,' 'Mary,' 'Catherine' and 'General' to the women's names.
Who are these people? "Surely the general should be on the men's list!" she tittered.
"Oh, I did not know that you had met the general!" cried Lady Prudence. "What an honour!"
"I know not, but I assume that he should go on the men's list."
"Ah, just as you assumed that an invitation addressed to your sister included you," Lady Prudence said, as if in sudden understanding.
"No, no— " she stuttered, then tried to redirect the conversation. "Oh, Lady Anne, have you noticed that, with four more men and seven more ladies, the table will be quite unbalanced?"
"Three more men and eight more ladies, nine including yourself — I shall have to invite Mr. Featherstone-Haugh to add another man. Georgie, would you write an invitation, please?"
"Who is this Mr. Featherstone-Haugh?" asked Miss Bingley. "Is he suitable company?"
"Miss Bingley, you appear to assume that I am incapable of choosing and inviting suitable guests and dinner companions — why is that?"
Because you are still here. "Oh, my lady, I was merely attending to the welfare of my dearest friend, Georgiana, er, Miss Darcy." Straight to the dower house with you! And your insipid daughter off to a school.
Miss Bingley watched as, as on the previous day, the interfering old crone and Georgiana wrote and arranged the names in order of precedence. She was cross to see that the list of women's names had grown and crosser still to see that her own name was still at the bottom:
Imp, Aunt Harriet, Aunt Eleanor, Leah, Lady Step-Notte, Louisa, Mme J, Hannah, Clara, Gina, Jane, Missy, Marion, Catherine, General, Caroline
"Who are all of these females?" she demanded.
"They are family members whom we have invited for the summer," replied Lady Anne.
"Why is my name at the bottom of this list?" She was beginning to sound petulant.
"Unless you have married since yesterday, they still outrank you," Lady Prudence interjected. Worry not, dear Miss —sniff— Lineley-Bingle, everything will change after— "
"Aunt! Enough!" cried Lady Anne.
After what? She would have questions for her maid shortly.
"There is no need to be cross, distant niece. Everything will change once I have ensnared young Darcy. That is all that I was going to say."
Lady Anne sighed. Georgiana had been arranging the names on her seating plan. Miss Bingley leaned over the desk to see the layout.
"Ah," said Lady Anne, looking at the plan. "We have three, no four, married couples close to each other. Mm, let me think. Let us exchange Leah with Charlotte and Hannah with Madeleine." Georgiana moved the names around as instructed to have to her mother's right:
UNCLE HUGH, Aunt Eleanor, JOHN, Hannah, REALLY-HURST, Jane, General, Catherine, FEATHERSTONE-HAUGH, Gina, UNCLE DARCY, Mrs Really-Hurst, UNCLE RICHARD, Aunt Harriet
And to her left:
ROBERT, Lady Step-Notte, JAMES, Clara, MONSIEUR J, Missy, Miss B, Mary, REALLY-CHARLES, Madame J, SIR TINLEY, Leah, RICHARD, Imp
"Very good, well done, Georgiana!"
Lady Prudence coughed.
"And well done, Aunt!" Lady Anne added hastily before turning to address her daughter again.
Why should the interfering old crone get recognition?
"I know that this is a family dinner," continued Lady Anne, "but it is good practice for you. Would you write the cards and place them on the table before we dine, please? I would prefer that you use everyone's correct names, but I think that I might be thwarted in that wish."
Miss Bingley simpered, "My penmanship is exquisite. Shall I write the cards for the table?" She took the quill from Georgiana's fingers.
"I thank you, Miss Bingley, but we are doing this so that my daughter learns," replied her ladyship, attempting to retake the quill. Drops of ink spattered on the desk.
Miss Bingley was not to be diverted, "I am happy to take on this task." She ousted Georgiana from her chair and started to pull the name-cards toward her.
"Miss Bingley, I have been very patient, but shall not tolerate your behaviour for much longer," Lady Anne cried.
"My behaviour?" Miss Bingley replied, outraged. "What about your aunt's behaviour?"
"Yes, your behaviour— "
"Now, now, distant niece," interjected Lady Prudence. "It is dear Miss —sniff— Lineley-Bingle's first employment as a companion and she— "
"I am not your companion!"
"Aunt Prudence, companion or not, Miss Bingley's behaviour is inappropriate," said Lady Anne.
"I shall take her in hand."
"I am not your companion!" repeated Miss Bingley as she flung the quill down, stood and flounced from the room.
Darcy
Four men on horseback met the long caravan of carriages along the drive to Pemberley. The coachmen drew the carriages to a halt. Sir Thomas, Mr. Gardiner and Mr. Bingley climbed down to find out what was happening, then, upon seeing Darcy, Richard, James and Stevens, they bid the women and children to join them.
The men greeted each other, shaking hands. While Jane serenely curtseyed to Richard, the married women of the party were less restrained in greeting their husbands.
"What a lovely surprise," cried Elizabeth.
"I could not wait, my dearest wife," said Darcy, kissing Phoebe's head and crouching to scoop up Melissa.
"Your only wife," Elizabeth teased.
"As I was leaving to meet you, I found that others could not wait, either." He gesticulated at Richard, James and Stevens.
"It is kind of you to include Stevens in your party," murmured his wife.
"He was looking so woebegone, that it felt unkind to leave him behind." They both turned to look at the reunited Stevens family. "Now, if you do not mind walking but a few yards, you can have your first look at Pemberley."
"I should like that very much."
Darcy gestured to the rest of the party, and they strolled to the edge of a slope. The visitors' eyes were caught by the manor house on the opposite side of the valley. It was a large, handsome stone building, built on rising ground, backed by a ridge of high woody hills. The banks of a stream winding before it had been left unplanted. Most of the visitors were delighted, seeing such a beautifully natural place.
"I confess to some disappointment, William." Elizabeth looked saddened.
"My love?" Disappointed by Pemberley?
"Your drawing clearly showed four streams, one running directly into the house itself, but I can see but one. I freely admit that it is a very lovely stream, but it is only one."
"My teasing wife; my only wife. I shall have to ask you to make a more accurate map. It will be your first task as Mistress of Pemberley!"
Darcy turned to the others and said, "We wished to meet you before you arrived, because we were eager to see you, of course, and to tell you that we have an uninvited guest — Miss Bingley arrived with the Hursts."
The less polite among his visitors groaned, while Mr. Bingley closed his eyes and shook his head in frustration. "I am so sorry, Darce," he began.
Darcy dismissed his apologies. "My mother has it in hand, but I wished to forewarn you. Now, shall we away? I am certain that you wish to refresh yourselves after your long journey. We riders cannot carry our ladies, but thought that we should carry the children."
Two grooms appeared leading ponies. The older children cried out in delight. Soon they were all mounted, Darcy, James and Stevens holding their daughters, Richard holding the second Miss Gardiner, while the older Gardiners sat atop the ponies. The carriages followed the drive as it meandered towards the house, while the horses and the ponies led slowly by the grooms took the more direct route.
Seeing Lady Anne, Georgiana, the Matlocks, the Fitzwilliams and the Hursts spilling out of the house to watch their arrival, Darcy grinned. My family is finally home!
Lady Anne
Oh, William looks so very happy! And there is my granddaughter!
Lady Anne heard a shrill scream from behind her. "You stupid woman!" Miss Bingley shrieked as she ran upstairs.
Lady Anne turned to Mrs. Reynolds, beckoning her forward.
"Well done! Did you spill a full cup on her lap?"
"Almost, my lady," Mrs. Reynolds replied and began to step back.
"Stay right where you are! You will greet your daughter and granddaughter as I greet mine."
"I thank you, my lady."
"You spill tea to order, so must be rewarded! Here they are!"
Darcy passed Melissa down into her grandmother's waiting arms and dismounted. Lady Eleanor took Beatrice, while, a little way from the others, the butler and housekeeper hugged Martha. As the carriages arrived and the passengers started to disembark, the Matlocks, Fitzwilliams and Hursts thronged down the steps to greet them and to be introduced to those who they had not yet met. Many tears were shed, by hosts and visitors. As they crowded into the foyer, Mrs. Reynolds, with Martha on her hip, assigned maids to take the latest arrivals to their chambers.
Holding Phoebe, Lady Anne linked arms with Elizabeth and drew her upstairs, followed by Darcy and Georgiana holding Melissa's hands.
"I wished to show you your new chambers, Lizzy. The nursery is next door, with a room for the nanny beyond that."
"I have not inconvenienced you, I hope," said Elizabeth.
"Not at all. I moved next to Georgie when you were first in Shropshire. The mistress' rooms are for you."
"And you will remain here? We shall hear no more talk about the dower house?"
"Yes, I shall remain, but you will hear more about the dower house."
"N—no— "
"Wait, Lizzy," Georgiana interrupted, "Mamma has been scheming. And just wait until you hear what the Imp has been up to!"
Elizabeth
Elizabeth was relieved that Lady Anne and Georgiana recognised that she and Darcy wanted some time alone before joining the rest of the party for afternoon tea. Grandmother and aunt took Melissa and Phoebe with them for a walk in the gardens.
Finally, we are at Pemberley! Finally, I am with William! Finally!
Darcy dragged a chair to the open window and pulled her onto his lap. Her tears came; tears of relief and happiness. So much happiness. She clung to him, then pulled back and laughed at herself.
"I spend too much time sitting on your knees crying!"
"Not at all, my very dearest and only wife. Indeed you must promise to bring all tears, happy and sad, to me." He pressed his lips to her temple.
"Very well, I shall do so, my dearest and only husband." She moved his hand and continued, "And every movement!"
"Is that— is that our child?"
"Yes, my love, it is!"
"Oh, oh— !" He was rendered speechless but his face showed every delight.
She saw the tears filling his eyes, and kissed them away. "I see that I am not the only one to cry with happiness."
"What must you think of me!" he retorted.
"I believe that tears are natural and should be a little perturbed if you greeted this experience without such an emotion. Worry not; I shall not tell anyone!"
Hearing noises from the corridor, Darcy sighed regretfully and said, "Much as I should like to sit here until it is time to retire, I shall torture myself by showing you around some of the manor house."
"In what way is this torture?" Elizabeth asked, archly.
"Because," he groaned into her neck, "I should much rather stay here with you and ignore all of our guests until they took their leave."
"Ah, you would have my first experience as Mistress of Pemberley marred by poor manners!"
"Yes! Yes! Send them all away, today, this very instant!"
"I shall not!" She tried to rise, but he held on to her. "William! We must join your family and mine— "
"Mother will look after them— " He kissed her neck.
"No, no. Come on, show me the famed library, then we shall take tea with the others."
He looked rather childishly reluctant, but did as she bid him. As they walked along the corridor of the family wing, he pointed out his mother's and Georgiana's chambers, and the rooms which had been assigned to her sisters. He indicated the guest wing, and led her down the stairs to the entrance hall. She could hear voices to the right, but he guided her to the left through his study into the library.
"Well, Lizzy! Did you ever see so many books?" Her father's voice greeted them as she stood open-mouthed on the threshold.
"Heavens!" she managed. She walked in and turned slowly, admiring the shelves upon shelves of books.
"Do you approve?" Darcy asked, leaning on the door jamb, a fond smile on his face.
"Approve? How could I not!"
Sir Thomas took her hand and drew her, unresisting, further into the room, saying to Darcy. "Son, perhaps you can arrange for Lizzy and me to have our tea in here. All of our meals, perhaps. And if you would arrange for a couple of cots— "
"You are very welcome, Bennet, but I have two objections: my step-mother might not be happy, and my wife insisted that we came downstairs to take tea with our guests. I shall take my wife away, and, should she ask, shall tell your wife where you are. I suggest that you read as much as you can as I shall not dissemble!"
"Oh, dear!" Sir Thomas shook his head. "For a few minutes you were my favourite son-in-law. I shall have to transfer the honour to James." He sighed and waved them away. "Off you go! Give me a few more minutes to marvel at this marvel."
Elizabeth allowed Darcy to tow her from the room and they joined many of their guests in the rose parlour.
Miss Bingley
Following the sounds of noisy chatter, Miss Bingley swept into the parlour. In vain, she searched for Darcy. There were too many tall, dark-haired men. Barely two steps into the room, Miss Bingley found the all too familiar grip on her elbow. Had Lady Prudence been waiting by the door for her entrance?
"Ah, there you are, dear Miss —sniff— Lineley-Bingle! Come let us find seats with a good view of the dancing."
Miss Bingley attempted to remove the lady's hand. Be gone!
"It was not like this when I was young, you know. In those days, chairs were placed all about the room for chaperones and companions."
"I am not your companion!" Miss Bingley clenched her teeth in fury.
"I know, I know, dear Miss —sniff— Lineley-Bingle," continued Lady Prudence, patting her arm comfortingly. "It is a worthy objective to try to raise one's place in society, but while you are attending me, we shall try to espy the unwed men and I shall be very surprised if we cannot arrange a compromise with at least one of them."
"My lady— "
"Darcy! Darcy! Attend me!" Lady Prudence shouted across the parlour. Heads looked up.
"Yes, Aunt Prudence. Are you well?" Darcy walked over to stand next to his distant aunt.
"I cannot claim to be well, Darcy." The old lady shook her head.
"I am sorry to hear that; can I offer you something for your relief? A glass of wine, perhaps?"
Miss Bingley attempted to manoeuvre the small group so that she would be near enough to Darcy to take his arm. Lady Prudence remained an immovable anchor.
"No, young Darcy, I should not like a glass of wine! I am too upset with you!"
"Me? How have I upset you?" Darcy put his hand to his chest.
"As you know, I am determined to compromise you before dear Miss Lineley-Bingle."
Miss Bingley pulled harder from the irritating crone.
"Aunt, this is not appropriate— "
"Appropriate or not, many of my distant nephews have wagered on my success, so honour dictates my path."
"No— " Darcy continued to protest.
"Last night, I attempted to gain entrance to your rooms, having bribed Peters to leave the corridor unmanned; see dear Miss —sniff— Lineley-Bingle, you did not think of slipping a few shillings to the footman, did you? This is why I shall be victorious!
"I made my way to your door to find it locked! I rattled and banged and you did not let me in. So, yes, young Darcy, I am upset with you."
Lady Harriet bustled up to them, and pointed out, "Mother, have you seen that we have some more spinsters here, now? You might tempt some of them to compete against you to compromise the Master of Pemberley."
'Spinsters!' Miss Bingley's irritation grew. She scowled and scanned the occupants of the room. Who were these unwed newcomers, she wondered. A peel of laughter caught her attention. Is that Eliza Bonnet? No, no, not here at Pemberley. She reassured herself that it was a common laugh, and was pleased by her own play on words.
A cacophony of high-pitched squeals and laughter foretold the arrival of a group of children. Appalled, Miss Bingley watched as, unchecked, they spread around the parlour, their voices rising as they found their parents. Wait! Wait! That one looks like one of Eliza Bonnet's natural children and it is coming here. She could not hide her repugnance as Darcy picked up the child.
"Why are these feral children allowed in here?" she demanded.
"'Feral?'" Darcy questioned Miss Bingley's choice of word, his first comment directly to her.
"Why are they not in the nursery with their nannies, Darcy?"
"Miss Bingley. These are the children of my mother's invited guests. Many of them have spent several long days in carriages and are taking the opportunity to run about and play before they retire to the nursery with their nannies."
She would not allow herself to be so easily mollified. "We can only hope that, now that this first noisy exuberance is spent, we shall not be invaded thus again."
"Oh, do you not like children, dear Miss —sniff— Lineley-Bingle? I cannot say that I am uneasy as it is well that you are a companion and not a nanny or governess! I should not do without you!"
'A governess?' About to protest, she jumped when a bell sounded from the entrance hall.
"Oh, is it time to dress for dinner already?" Lady Prudence asked. "I care not for these country hours so, when I am Mistress of Embersby, we shall dine at a more fashionable hour. Therefore, young Darcy, I shall expect an unlocked door tonight." She poked him in the stomach and tickled the child.
Miss Bingley heard Darcy's laughing response as, once again, she fled to her chambers. "I think not, Aunt!"
Please don't copy! 😕