Rayna
She came down the stairs and headed for the kitchen. Luke was standing in front of the stove and he looked over his shoulder at her and smiled. "How's the packing going?" he asked.
She shook her head but smiled. "Their attention spans are so short. You know how it is. Pack a few things, get distracted by something else, and the next thing you know packing is forgotten. I think I got them back on track." She walked up to him and put a hand on his back. He leaned down and kissed her. "What's for breakfast?"
"Eggs and bacon," he said. "I hope Maddie and Levi like eggs and bacon."
"They do. Hopefully they'll be down in a few minutes." She went over to the fridge and pulled out the milk. She got a couple glasses and filled them, putting them on the island next to the silverware and napkins. When she put the milk away, she patted his arm. "I'll call them. I don't want the food to get cold." She walked back out to the stairs and looked up. "Maddie! Levi! Breakfast is ready!" She went back to the kitchen and, as Luke filled the plates, she put them on the island. She could hear running footsteps and then her children burst into the kitchen. She smiled at them. "Look! Luke made eggs and bacon," she said, as they climbed up on the stools. She noticed how Maddie glanced over at Luke with her jaw set.
"Hope y'all like 'em," Luke said, with a grin.
Levi was already shoveling eggs in his mouth. "Great!" he shouted, his mouth full. Maddie didn't say anything, just ate silently.
She stood back and watched as Luke interacted with her kids, although Levi really was the only one who interacted back. After Deacon picked up the kids, she and Luke were leaving for a television commercial shoot Luke was doing for a brand of pickup truck that was his tour sponsor. They would be in Montana until she flew to Boston for a weekend show. Luke had volunteered to come early, and fix breakfast and she had thought it was a great way of continuing to integrate him into their lives.
"When is Dad coming?" Maddie asked.
"In about an hour," she said. "You need to be sure you have everything you need. Don't forget you'll be gone for 3 weeks." Deacon had 3 weeks off while the Revel Kings took a break and he had wanted to take the kids to the cabin. She knew they would love spending time on the lake with their father, although she would miss them terribly. Deacon normally didn't have them for more than a week, so this was new for all of them.
"I'm all packed," she said. "Why is he here?" She pointed at Luke.
She was taken a little by surprise. "He, uh..."
"Your mom and I are flying to Montana after y'all leave, so I told her I'd come early and make breakfast." Luke held up the spatula. "So, Mom, do you want eggs?"
She smiled. "I would love some. And just one piece of bacon." She breathed a little sigh of relief at how Luke had covered things.
"Your wish is my command." He chuckled and then handed her a plate, which she took and went to sit next to Maddie. Then he looked at Maddie and Levi. "So, y'all ready for fun at your lake house?" he asked.
"Yes!" Levi shouted. "I'm going on a canoe!"
She frowned slightly. "You are?"
He nodded vigorously. "Dad said."
"Hm." Levi was almost 4 but he could be a little rambunctious and she worried a little bit about Deacon taking him out in the canoe. It wasn't that she didn't think Deacon would be careful, but Levi was a ball of energy and might think he could jump out. "Well, you need to make sure you're wearing a life jacket then."
When the doorbell rang, Maddie and Levi came flying down the stairs, rushing to open the door. "Hey, Dad," she heard Maddie say. She got up and walked quickly down the hall to the foyer.
"Hey there," she said with a smile. She pointed at the suitcases, which were right by the door. "They're all set."
"Thanks for letting me take them for the 3 weeks," he said. "I really do..." He was smiling but then his face went almost cold.
"Freakin' Deacon Claybourne!" She winced a little when she heard Luke behind her. Luke walked past her and held out his hand. After a moment, Deacon took it, but pulled back quickly.
"Luke," he said. He flicked a glance at her, then back at Luke. She saw the twitch in his cheek and knew he wasn't happy to see Luke there. She also knew he would probably assume Luke had spent the night. He then looked back at Maddie and Levi and smiled. "Y'all ready?"
"Yes!" they both cried out.
"Well, let's get all your stuff then." He reached down and picked up what he could. Maddie and Levi grabbed the rest. He looked back at her, his brow drawn together between his eyes, the way it looked when he was angry. "See you in 3 weeks."
All she could do was nod. It wasn't what he thought, but she couldn't say anything right then. She watched them walk out the door, Deacon closing the door hard.
"What the hell was that about?" Luke asked, a tinge of irritation in his voice.
She turned to look at him. "What the hell was that about? It was about Deacon thinking you had spent the night."
"We're together, Rayna. Would that have been so wrong?"
She turned and walked back to the kitchen, Luke following her. "I don't know. But Maddie and Levi are here and I know he's going to think that's not a good thing. I just don't want to, I don't know, blow things up." Luke and Deacon were like oil and water and it frustrated her.
Luke squeezed his eyes shut for a second, then sighed. "I'm sorry, I've just got a sore spot when it comes to Deacon," he said. She waited. "Goes way back. Remember the 92 Oklahoma State Fair?"
She smiled a little. "I do. I remember being stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel with you. We had the best view of the George Strait show."
Luke smiled. "Yes, we did. But before that, you were getting ready to do your set and you couldn't find Deacon anywhere."
She nodded. "And you sat in for him. I remember." She remembered it all too well. When it was time for her to go on stage, Deacon was nowhere to be found. It wasn't the first time, wouldn't be the last either. She'd struggled with it for years – all the disappointment, the broken promises, the hurt and anger and pain. She had believed she needed to be there for him, in any way she could. And she loved him. In spite of everything.
"See I never understood why you put up with that all those years. The way he treated you. The way he disappeared." She looked away. "And afterwards you were still pretty tore up about it and so I thought maybe this was the time when you would see me." She looked back at him. "There we were, on top of the world, and George Strait singing Cross My Heart. And all you could do was talk about Deacon."
She nodded. "That's how it was back then." He was apparently like so many people who didn't understand what it was that kept her tied to Deacon. It touched her though to know that he'd cared back then.
"Well, I'm here now. And I'm damn happy about it. And I don't want to have to worry about what Deacon's gonna think or what Deacon's gonna say. We should be able to do what we think makes sense for us and he'll just need to deal with it."
She gave him a slight nod but didn't say anything. What Luke didn't know – what very few people actually knew – was that she and Deacon had never actually filed for divorce. In the beginning she had told him it was on him to do it. She had assumed he would take care of it once Levi was born, but he hadn't. And in the years since there had really been no sense of urgency to do anything about it since neither of them had gotten into a serious relationship. But she and Luke had said I love you to each other and she felt like things were headed somewhere more serious and it reminded her that things couldn't stay status quo. Then she smiled. "I'm happy too. And yes, Deacon knows we're serious about each other, so I guess I need to set some ground rules." She patted his arm. "Hey, don't we need to get going?"
He smiled. "Yeah, I guess we do." He headed for the door and picked up her bag. She followed behind him and, when they were on the porch, she locked the door, and they walked out to Luke's truck.
She really hoped they didn't talk anymore about Deacon. It gave her a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she wanted that to go away.
Deacon
Once Maddie and Levi were in the truck, he got in and slammed the door a little harder than he needed to. As he turned the ignition, he scowled at the truck parked in the driveway. He hadn't recognized it when he drove in and had wondered if maybe it was Bucky. He hadn't expected to see Luke, especially early in the morning, as though he had spent the night. How could she do that? With Maddie and Levi right there? He pulled out of the drive and headed out of the neighborhood and out to the highway. He realized he was driving a little faster than he should have, and he let off the gas a bit. He drove in silence until they had gotten through the downtown area.
"Dad?" Maddie's voice sounded small and anxious, and his heart dropped. "Are you mad at us?"
He shook his head. "No, baby, I'm not mad at y'all. I'm sorry. I'm just focusing on the road." He glanced at her in the rear view mirror.
"Okay." She was silent for a few minutes, and he went back to focusing on the road ahead. "You make better breakfast than Luke," she said.
He couldn't help but smile. "That's good to know," he said.
He'd stewed over Rayna and Luke the whole 3 weeks. He tried hard not to let it interfere with having fun with Maddie and Levi. He'd been excited to have them for a longer period of time and wanted to give them his full attention. They'd had fun – swimming in the lake, going out in the canoe, fishing. The days it rained they had watched movies on TV. It made him glad Rayna had talked him into getting the TV when Maddie was little. He only let himself think about the situation with Luke at night, after the kids had gone to sleep.
He thought about something Carmen had said to him at one point. Is this about the fact that Rayna's moving on or just about the fact that she's moving on with Luke? He'd made some flippant remark and she had challenged him. If you don't want her, someone else is going to. You've got to accept that.
It was true. He knew that she had the right to date and even form a relationship with someone else. He thought maybe it wouldn't have been as big a deal as it felt like if it hadn't been Luke. A part of him realized that it would have bothered him no matter who it was, but the fact that it was Luke had just burned a little deeper. He didn't have a right to feel that way, he knew, but he did anyway. He remembered back when he had missed a show because he'd been drinking, and Luke had volunteered to step in. He couldn't remember exactly when it was or where it was, but when he'd found out the next day, he'd been furious, and it had sent him on another spiral. Rayna had been mad too, not speaking to him for the next couple days. That's when he realized that if he didn't get his act together, she might leave and then who was to say she wouldn't seek out Luke. It was both ironic and irritating that they were together now.
He decided they needed to talk about what all this meant when he took the kids back home. They needed to clear the air and he wanted to know where things stood.
As usual, when he came back to Rayna's with the kids, he rang the doorbell. Maddie and Levi were excited to be home, to see their mom, and he understood that. As soon as Rayna opened the door, they rushed in and hugged her fiercely. It was the longest they'd gone without seeing her and she was as happy to see them as they were to see her. After she had welcomed them home and they'd gotten all their suitcases and other items inside, he cleared his throat. "Can we talk a minute?" he asked.
She didn't look surprised, so he thought she probably knew this was coming. "Sure. Do you want to come in?"
He hesitated. "I don't know that I want to talk where the kids could hear."
She considered that. "We could stand here on the porch," she said. "Unless you think this is going to get loud."
He frowned. "Here's fine." She closed the door and then leaned back against the porch wall opposite him. "About Luke..."
She held up her hand. "I knew we'd need to talk about that. Luke did not stay over that night. I would never do that when Maddie and Levi are here. But he and I were flying out for him to do a commercial and we were planning to leave once you'd picked up the kids. He came early to fix breakfast." She paused. "I really hope you know I wouldn't do that."
He believed her. He nodded. "I do. But it was unexpected."
"I know." She breathed in. "The truth of the matter, though, is that it looks like this relationship is going to be pretty serious. He loves Maddie and Levi and I think they both like him and are getting to know him. He makes me happy. I'm not planning on moving in with him or having him move in with me right now, but I don't know what might happen further down the road. I just hope you can be supportive in the way you deal with the kids."
"You mean like tell them I'm all on board?" He frowned. He was sure she was hinting at marriage, and he really didn't like that at all.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "You don't have to be a cheerleader. Just don't tell them you don't like him or he's no good or whatever else you think about him. I wouldn't do that to you."
"I'll keep my opinions to myself."
She gave him a puzzled look. "I don't understand why it bothers you so much, Deacon. We're not together anymore. We haven't been together for a long time. You've made it very clear that you've moved on and are not interested in coming back. Why shouldn't I do the same thing?"
He breathed in sharply. He didn't really understand why it bothered him so much either, but it did. Except that it was Luke. And Luke bothered him. From what he'd heard Luke had gotten a lot more into promotions and having companies promote him. And he could see him pulling Rayna into that, something that wasn't natural for her. He guessed some of what bothered him was that he was afraid she'd change too. "No reason," he said. "You're right." He breathed out. "Okay, so I'm gonna go. Thanks for letting Maddie and Levi stay with me. I think they had a really great time and I really loved having that time with them."
She smiled then. "I'm sure they had a wonderful time. They love going to the cabin. And they love you. They love getting to spend time with you." She paused. "You're a good father, Deacon. You've always been. Maddie and Levi are lucky to have you."
He'd tried. He'd done everything she'd asked him to do. He was grateful to have had the opportunity. Hearing her say that had really touched him. "Thank you," he whispered. "I'll see y'all in a couple weeks." He turned and walked out to his truck, got in, and drove off.
When he got home, he felt like he was at loose ends. He needed to pack, since the Revel Kings would be heading back out on the road the next day. That wasn't a big deal though. His stage clothes were mostly handled by the band's stylist. He just needed jeans and t-shirts. They were flying out to the West Coast and would be traveling throughout California for 2 weeks, before heading back to Nashville for a week. Then it would be back out again for a month. He was glad he'd gotten the 3 weeks with Maddie and Levi, since he wouldn't get a lot of time with them through the rest of the summer and into September. He would be home for Levi's birthday while the band was in the studio, and he was happy about that.
He sat on his couch and turned on the TV, then muted it. He hated not seeing Maddie and Levi every day. They had adjusted to the dual household lifestyle, but he hated it for them. He wondered how Rayna felt about it. Now that she had Luke, she probably wasn't worried about it as much. He thought about what she'd said about a future with Luke. It looks like this relationship is going to be pretty serious. I don't know what might happen further down the road. He wasn't sure he liked the idea that Luke could become more permanent, become more a part of his kids' lives.
Technically he and Rayna were still married. He'd never filed for divorce. Not for any particular reason, other than that it didn't seem important. They had moved on from each other, gone down different paths. A divorce was a formality, a piece of paper, one that would be important if either of them decided to get married again. He supposed he should do something about it, but like every other time he'd thought about doing it, he got an ache inside that nearly tore him apart. He told himself it was because of Maddie and Levi, but he sometimes thought it might not be completely true.
Rayna was his family. The thought of divorcing his family hurt more than he had expected it to.
Rayna
Luke was in San Francisco and she was in LA. It was the closest their tours had been to each other, and they had decided to grab a few days in between to spend together. Luke had a show in LA that Thursday night, while she was headed to San Diego for a Friday show, so they made plans to stay at a beachfront luxury hotel in Malibu. Deacon had Maddie and Levi that week and Hannah would be flying out to California with them on Friday, so she was looking forward to some romantic time with Luke.
She got to the hotel first and when she let herself into the private patio outside the suite, she thought about how nice it would be to have cocktails outside. When she walked into the suite, she could see straight back to the bedroom and headed that way. But first she walked through the bathroom, which had a massive shower and a deep soaking tub that she could envision sinking into with Luke. The bedroom beyond was luxurious. It was the perfect little hideaway for the next few days. She dropped her overnight bag in the bedroom, then wandered back towards the patio. She made a call to have a bottle of wine delivered to the room and then went out to the patio. It was nicely shaded with a light breeze. She put on her sunglasses and sat in one of the comfortable lounge chairs with a book. When the wine came, the server poured her a glass and then left the bottle in an ice bucket along with another glass.
She had just finished her wine when the patio gate opened and Luke walked in. He looked a little startled at first but then he smiled warmly as she smiled back. "Well, hey there. I didn't know we'd have something like this," he said. He set his bag down and came to sit on the lounge chair next to her, leaning in for a long kiss. He slid his arms around her back and she wrapped hers around his neck. Then he sat back and looked around. "This is really nice."
"It is, although the inside is even nicer. It's really lovely." She nodded at the bottle next to her. "You should put your bag in the bedroom and then come back out for a glass of wine."
He looked at her like he really just wanted to take her back to the bedroom and she felt a rush of heat in her core. "Yes, I could do that," he said with a lazy smile. "In fact, I will do that." He got up and she watched as he opened the door to the suite and walked in. Less than 5 minutes later, he was back out on the patio. "Damn, that's something else, isn't it?"
She laughed. "Yes, it is. I really want to use that soaking tub." Luke sat down on the lounge chair next to her and poured them both a glass of wine. He handed hers to her, before taking a sip of his own.
He grinned. "I'm not really much of a bath person, but I could see that being a really relaxing way to start the week."
She smiled. "That's what I was thinking too."
She leaned back against Luke, her arms resting on the edges of the tub. The water was still warm, and she closed her eyes. He kissed her shoulder and then her neck. "This was a really good idea," he whispered in her ear. His hand was tracing a line up her inner thigh and she felt breathless. His touch was light and gentle, but she could feel a coil of desire uncurl in her core and her nipples were hard. "You like this?" he whispered.
She nodded. "Oh, yes." He moved his hand then and cupped one breast, then the other, and she moaned softly. She breathed in deeply, then let it out slowly. He continued the gentle touches until she thought she was going to lose her mind. Finally, when she wasn't sure she would last much longer, he moved her, and she felt herself tingle with excitement.
The water was cold when they finally got out and her legs felt a little wobbly. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her, then put his arms around her, pulling her back into him. "I love you," he murmured. "I love everything about you. And I love this."
She turned in his arms, looking up at him. "I do too." She bit her lip, then smiled. "I'm so happy," she said. "With you."
He kissed her. "I'm glad we're doing this." He dried off and then dried her off and, after dropping the towels on the floor, he led her by the hand to the bed. The sheets were unbelievably soft, and the pillows felt like the softest cushions. She lay on her side, her hand on his chest and her head on his shoulder. "I'm glad this worked out. I feel like we needed this. Some time to ourselves, not worrying about kids or shows or sound check or interviews."
"I think we did too."
He was quiet for a moment. Then he reached out and put his hand on her arm. She looked up at him. "I'm hoping you'll be there for my Nashville show. It's my last show on this tour. September 23rd."
She thought about it. "That's Levi's birthday weekend but he's just having a lunchtime pizza party, so it should be fine. I'll check Deacon's schedule and see if he's available that weekend and he could take the kids afterwards. Otherwise I'll have Hannah come stay with them."
He smiled. "Good. I'd really like to have you there." He leaned back against the pillows, just rubbing her arm. Then he turned his head. "How are things with Deacon these days?"
"They're fine." She put her head back on his shoulder. "I don't really want to talk about Deacon though."
She hated leaving their little hideaway. It had been nice to get away from the world. But she was also looking forward to seeing her kids. They were eating breakfast the last morning when Luke said something that made her realize she was going to need to be the one to do something about her situation with Deacon.
"You know, I'm looking forward to seeing you back in Nashville, but I have to admit I wouldn't mind doing something like this again," he said with a smile.
"This has been really wonderful," she said. "A really nice break before finishing up the tour."
"You know, I'd really like for us to talk more when we're both back in Nashville about our future. How do you feel about that?"
"I'd like that. I do see you as my future. I hope." She smiled at him.
He grinned. "I'm glad we're on the same page."
She hesitated. A part of her didn't want to say anything and hope she could work things out privately, but she felt like that wasn't likely to happen, especially with them both being so much in the public eye. "I should probably tell you something. Something I'll need to take care of."
"What's that?"
"Um, Deacon and I have never officially gotten divorced."
Luke frowned. "What? I don't understand."
She shrugged. "I guess there just hadn't been a reason to push it. In the beginning, I think he just wanted us to stay officially married until Levi was born and after that, well, we just never talked about it. I mean, we are separated. We don't live together, don't plan to be together. It's just a formality, really."
He really didn't look happy. "Are you sure about that? Is he gonna push back on it?"
"No. There's no reason that he would. But now that we're talking about... a future, well, it just makes sense to take care of it now. And as soon as I'm back in Nashville, I will."
He pushed back in his chair. "I just don't understand."
"Luke, it's not a big deal."
"Not a big deal? That all this time you've still been married, and I didn't know that?"
"I guess, well, when is the right time to bring that up? If this had been just a fling or something, I wouldn't have mentioned it at all."
"But would you ever divorce him?"
"Yes, of course. I know I should have done it before. He could have done it before and I actually told him to, but when we do this, it'll get out. Someone will say something. So, I didn't want to catch you off guard."
"You already did."
"I know. And I'm sorry about that. But I'm committed to this relationship with you and since Deacon is apparently not going to do this, I will." She put her hand on his arm. "Please don't let this come between us. He's not going to contest it. It'll be as simple as possible." She sighed. "You know, I don't feel married, haven't felt married for a really long time. If that makes a difference."
"What about him?"
"Well, you'd have to ask him, but he's been the one all this time who's been very clear that we're not together. I've never felt like he wanted to change that."
He was silent for several minutes. Finally, he looked over at her. "I'm still surprised, I guess. And a little confused about why you wouldn't have done something long before now, but I guess if it's your plan to do this..."
"As soon as I'm home." She hoped he would be able to get past this and understand.
"Okay." He got up and walked back into the suite, leaving her on the patio wondering where things would end up.
He remained somewhat distant until it was time to leave and that left her feeling a little uncertain about things between them, but she hoped by the time she saw him again he would have thought it through and gotten past it. One thing she needed to do when she was back in Nashville was to tell Deacon her plan. She had no idea what his reaction would be.
Deacon
He was waiting for Rayna to come over. She had called and asked if they could talk about a couple things, and she had suggested doing it at his house. Maddie was in school, and Hannah was staying with Levi, and she wanted to do this somewhere without the kids, but privately. He didn't know what to expect but he felt like somehow it was going to be about Luke.
Carmen had finished the article weeks ago and he had told her that he felt like they needed to move on from each other. She had seemed disappointed, but he had always been clear that he wasn't looking for anything more serious or permanent. Not that he cared, but Cy had been easier to deal with when that was all over and done with.
He was sitting on the couch working on some music when the knock came at the door. He closed his notebook and got up, returning his guitar to its stand. He could see Rayna's shadow through the sheers on the door and he suddenly felt a little nervous. He opened the door. "Hey," he said.
She smiled. "Hey." He stepped aside so she could walk in and then closed the door behind her. "Thanks for letting me come here."
"Sure."
"I didn't really to have to bring Levi with me."
He didn't really understand that but felt sure she would tell him. "It's okay." He pointed at the dining table. "You want to sit here?"
She nodded. "Yeah, that's fine." She walked over and sat down, putting her purse in one of the other chairs.
"You want something to drink?"
"I'm fine." He walked over and sat down across from her. She had her hands clasped on the table and she looked a little nervous.
"What's going on, Ray?"
She laughed a little nervously. "Well, first, as you know, we're celebrating Levi's birthday next Saturday with the pizza party. Pizza, cake, presents. At lunchtime."
He nodded. "Yeah, I know. I'm still planning on being there."
"So, it's about 20 kids altogether and I think it'll all be wrapped up by 2:00." She breathed in. "Luke finishes his tour that night at the Gaylord and he wants me to come, so I was hoping you might be able to take the kids after Levi's party instead of the next day."
He clenched his jaw. "I can do that." He paused. "Luke coming to the party?"
She shook her head. "No. I thought that might be... uncomfortable." He didn't respond. "Okay, well, good, that's settled." She started twisting her hands, so he knew there was more, and he was pretty sure he wasn't going to like it. "So, the other thing I wanted to tell you is that, uh, I'm going to go ahead and file for divorce."
That wasn't exactly what he thought she was going to say. He supposed that meant she was really serious about Luke, and it made him feel a little sick. "Why?" It wasn't like he didn't know why, but he didn't know what else to say.
She frowned. "Why? Because it should have been done a long time ago. And you should have done it, but because you haven't, I will." She squeezed her hands together. "Things are serious between Luke and me and it's just time to get that done." He just looked at her. "We have to face the truth. I'm moving on. You're moving on too. And we need to end this marriage. Something we should have done months ago, years ago."
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He wasn't sure what to say.
"I'm assuming you're okay with letting me do this?"
He didn't know how he felt exactly but it felt like he no longer had a choice. "Sounds like you are anyway."
She made an angry noise. She picked up her purse and stood up. "I swear, Deacon, I don't really understand you. You walked out of our life. The whole time I was pregnant I thought you might change your mind, but, I don't know," – she barked out a bitter laugh – "it turned out I was just living a fantasy. And now I'm with someone who makes me happy and who I have a future with, and I just need to move on officially. I wanted you to do this, but you didn't. So, I will and I just wanted to let you know."
He stood up then. "What do you want me to say?"
She looked at him, then shook her head. "Nothing. I'm going to have my lawyer file the paperwork. We'll have to put together a written plan for Maddie and Levi. I'm assuming we won't have to talk about property or alimony, but I don't know. You'll have to tell me. And we need to come up with a financial plan for the kids. It's going to take some time, but it just needs to be done." He saw a tear roll down her face and he knew she didn't want him to see her cry. "Damn it, Deacon, I never thought this would happen to us and I still don't completely understand why it did. But we just need a clean break so I can move on and so you can too." She turned then and walked to the door.
After she walked out, she slammed the door behind her and then he sat back down where he'd been sitting. After a minute, he felt tears rolling down his face. Then he rested his arms on the table and broke down.
Rayna
She and Deacon didn't speak much at Levi's party. They both stayed focused on him and his friends and afterwards he left with both Levi and Maddie. She didn't say anything about the divorce. There was a lot of paperwork that needed to go with the filing and she and her lawyer were pulling everything together. She decided she would wait until there was something to share before bringing it up again.
She had cried all the way home after they'd met to talk. Maybe they weren't meant to be together anymore, and she was happy with Luke, but she couldn't help but feel distraught that things had ended this way. It felt like her heart had shattered into a million pieces and she had no idea what to do about it. She couldn't even think about how they would tell Maddie and Levi. Levi had only ever known them apart, but Maddie could still remember when they were a family, and it broke her heart to think about putting a period on that family.
But she needed to get ready for Luke's show. She had decided to have her hair and makeup team come over so all she needed to do was decide what she would wear. She had thought about a dress, but then thought that might be too much. Luke's crowd was a different crowd from her own and that made her want to dress down a bit. But not too much. She smiled to herself. She turned away from her sparkly clothes and settled on jeans with a t-shirt and an embellished vest. It would be comfortable and appropriate. She pulled them out and then walked into her bedroom and laid them on the bed.
Her bedroom overlooked the backyard, and she walked over to one of the windows. There were still remnants of Levi's party. The tables were still on the patio where Levi and his friends – truthfully, they were more the children of her friends, but Levi didn't care – had enjoyed pizza and laughter and cake. There were balloons and banners still around the perimeter. Levi had had a great time. That was all that mattered. She felt a little misty-eyed thinking about her son. She thought back to the day he was born, when she couldn't distinguish between her emotions and her hormones and the complicated feelings she'd had that day. Deacon had been there and yet he was not. It hadn't been like it was the day Maddie was born.
Almost 5 years later, she couldn't dispute that she still sometimes contemplated the what ifs. What if she and Deacon had been able to figure things out, talk out their differences? What if she could have just gone along for the ride? His ride. What if he hadn't wanted the solo career so much that he was willing to break up their family to do it? She felt tears on her cheeks and brushed them away. She thought that maybe it was because she was moving into a different stage of life and that meant finally putting away any remnants of the old one. Luke had called her just before she'd gone onstage in San Diego and told her he was sorry he'd been a jackass. That he understood and that he was ready for what came next for them. And then he'd shown up back in Nashville on her doorstep with flowers and kisses and she had felt herself relax.
She was glad Deacon had taken the kids. She was looking forward to watching Luke perform and then going to his after party together. And then everything else that would come after that. She smiled. She saw something move and she refocused on the backyard. A balloon had come loose in the breeze and was floating upwards. She watched as it rose up and then floated out of view. She thought about watching Levi at his party. Her little boy was growing up. He was a sweet natured child, almost always with a smile on his face. He knew no strangers, which worried her sometimes. Maddie was her cautious child, often solemn and introspective. Levi was a ball of energy.
"He looks like he's having a good time," she said to Deacon, who was standing next to her. He'd mostly avoided her, although he'd done a good job of not making that obvious. She looked up at him and he smiled a little.
"He always does." He looked down, then back at the table full of partygoers. "He's like you." She saw him clench his jaw for a second. "I can't imagine my life without him. Without both of them." His voice had an edge to it that was tinged with a deep emotion.
It touched her. It was all she'd ever wanted, for him to love their children. As nervous as she'd been about Levi going to his house so young, she'd never regretted it. Deacon's love for Maddie and Levi had been even more than she could have hoped for. The look of joy on his face whenever he was with them had been so validating. She smiled at him. "You'll never have to," she said. "I promise you that." He breathed in and nodded, then turned and walked away.
She took a deep breath and wiped the tears off her cheeks. Her hair and makeup people would be arriving in an hour, and she needed to get dressed.
She had been totally and completely surprised when Luke called her out on the stage during his encore. As she walked across the stage, she wished she had dressed up a little more. The crowd had gone wild when he announced her, and she smiled and waved happily as they cheered. Luke had put one arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss, which generated more cheering. She turned and smiled again, waving to the crowd. When the crowd got even louder, she looked back at Luke and watched him get down on one knee. She gasped and put her hand over her mouth. He reached into the pocket of the jacket he'd slipped on before he'd gone back out for his encore. When he held out the diamond ring, she felt tears in her eyes.
She had felt like she was in a dream as he asked her to marry him. She had nodded and said yes and then he had slid the ring on her finger. She had raised her hand up to look at it. It was a large diamond, almost obscenely large. It was beautiful though. As Luke stood back up, she held her hand up so the crowd could see the ring and the cheering was almost overwhelming. Then he pulled her in for a kiss and she felt a little dizzy. It was exciting and it was surprising and it took her breath away, in more ways than one.
It was late. Well after 1 in the morning. Her ears were still buzzing from the noise at the arena and at the after party. She was standing in front of the mirror in her bathroom, in a t-shirt and shorts. She looked at herself, wondering if she looked different than she had before she'd left the house. She felt different, for sure. It was a confusing mix of excitement and nostalgia. Excitement over the proposal and engagement, for the future she and Luke would share. And then nostalgia as she thought about the quiet little proposal on the porch at the cabin when she was very pregnant with Maddie and scared to death about the future.
This was good though. It was all good. Luke made her happy. They were on a level playing field and there wouldn't be arguments about careers. He was stable and loving and exciting and she felt giddy anticipation about what was next. But in her minds' eye she could see Deacon, his eyes sad in a way she didn't understand. He'd given all that up. He'd walked away and hadn't looked back. She shook her head. She didn't want to think about Deacon. Her man, her fiancé, was waiting for her and she turned and walked out of the bathroom.
"Hey there, babe," Luke said, with a grin. "I wondered what was taking you so long."
She smiled and then crawled into bed, snuggling up against him. "I was just reliving tonight." She held out her hand with the beautiful diamond ring on it. She looked over at him. "I just got engaged tonight to the man I love." Then she laughed and he wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her.