Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which Elizabeth impresses her new neighbours
Pemberley
Miss Bingley
After bathing and resting, Miss Bingley summoned her maid to help her to dress. Once clad, she descended the stairs and followed the sounds of voices. What is all this noise? she wondered, crossly. She made her way through the parlour to the terrace overlooking the rose garden, but could not see many people, just a few servants rushing hither and thither. Glad that she had brought her parasol downstairs, she took the step down from the terrace and took a path around the corner of the house.
Oh no!
On the grass were thousands and thousands of children running amok, making the most dreadful noise. She was appalled. What are they all doing here?
See saw that there were makeshift tents offering shade to — to — who are they? Are they servants? Farmers? What are they doing lazing about here at Pemberley?
Looking around, she spotted her brother, Mr. Bingley, running with a filthy child on his back. Next to him were the colonel and — no, it cannot be — Darcy, both similarly encumbered. They appeared to be racing and some of the female guests were cheering them on. Her feet took her, unwillingly, closer.
"Miss Bingley! Do join us!"
She looked around to see Eliza Bonnet carrying a small child.
"We are going to have something to drink in the shade."
"What is happening? Who are all these," sneering, she waved a hand, "children? What are they doing here?"
"Mr. Darcy has invited the children of all of his servants and tenants for a party. See how they are enjoying the fun and games," came the answer.
Miss Bingley's mouth opened and closed as she tried to make sense of something so preposterous.
"Why? Why would he do such a thing?"
"To reward and honour them, Miss Bingley. To show that he appreciates them."
"They are but servants; they do not need appreciation! Their very purpose is to do our bidding."
"But all of us perform better if we are appreciated, do we not?"
Miss Bingley was astounded. "If they do not do as they are told, one fires them!"
"I gather that you have had this conversation before, Miss Bingley," said Elizabeth with a smile.
Miss Bingley shook her head.
"At Netherfield, do you remember? Lady Anne told me that you were talking of a gentlewoman's duties and how she oversees her housekeepers."
"Ah, yes, I recall. Dear Darcy made a very witty pun about custard." Miss Bingley was pleased that she had silenced the impudence Bonnet. A gentlewoman's duties, indeed!
The silence did not last long.
"Do you mean 'quis custodiet ipsos custodes'?" Elizabeth asked, laughing.
Miss Bingley regarded the other woman narrowly and declined to answer. Instead, she asked in disdain, "Is this child another of your by-blows?"
The other woman turned her face away for a few moments before turning back and replying, "This is my daughter, Phoebe. Now, would you care to join us in the shade for a cup of tea?"
No! I should not! thought Miss Bingley as she marched off in another direction.
Elizabeth
Not caring whether Miss Bingley — insufferable woman! — was following, Elizabeth walked around the groups of chattering guests to one of the tents. Some of the women broke from their friends and accompanied her. She was glad for their company and kind words.
Having spent five years working with Darcy, learning about the estate, she knew many of the women's names. Determined to put faces to those names, she devised a game. She asked the tenants' wives to tell her the names of their farms and she would try to remember their family's name. Quite a little crowd gathered around her to praise or commiserate as she guessed.
Apologising to the wives of the estate-workers that she would not fare so well with them, as many men did similar jobs, Elizabeth still tried to guess. Much hilarity greeted both successes and failures.
Her husband and some of the other racers drew near, probably attracted by the laughter and the prospect of drinks. She felt him reach around her to take Phoebe from her arms and smiled up at him.
"We are playing a game of our own, here, Mr. Darcy," she said.
"Indeed."
"Mrs. Darcy has been impressing us with knowing our names, sir," said one of the women.
Mrs. Small of Singleton Farm, thought Elizabeth.
"She has not guessed all of the gardeners' families' names, though, sir," said another.
"But I shall not get them wrong a second time shall I, Mrs. Pointer, wife of the second gardener in charge of the orchards?"
The women chuckled again.
"No, Mrs. Darcy," Mrs. Pointer said, clearly proud that her name had been remembered.
"Indeed. And have you learnt the children's names yet, Mrs. Darcy?"
"Now you are challenging me!" Elizabeth put her hand to her chin and looked around at the children in their group. "Mmm, we have Jack and his sister, Jill; Catherine — your name is to remember as I have a sister called Catherine; twins Andy and Teddy — though I cannot say who is who yet— "
"'Yet'," agreed Darcy. "Never mind, Mrs. Panders, Mrs. Darcy will know by Sunday!"
"William!"
Again the little group of women laughed.
"Very well, by Sunday week."
Elizabeth shook her head. "Hmph. Finally we have Milly, Molly and Mandy from," she paused in thought, "from Breystock Farm."
She was rewarded with a small round of applause, and Darcy drew her away from the others and asked if she was happy.
"Very much. You could not have picked a more enjoyable way to celebrate this day!" Without a care for their audience, she kissed his cheek. "I thank you."
Surrounded by a throng of children, Richard arrived. "Darcy, we are planning a game of cricket and, if Mrs. Darcy will spare you, we should like you to join us."
Elizabeth forbore saying that she, too, could play cricket though was not tempted in her gravidity. She saw that Stevens was one of the servants drawn into the game, and Mrs. Stevens came to join her.
"Would you like me to take Miss Phoebe, Missy?"
"Oh, thank you. She looks very sleepy. I expect that Nanny is nearby, somewhere in the shade with a cup of tea, if she has any sense."
"It is quite warm today," agreed Sarah.
"Is Martha enjoying herself?"
"She is. She is with my parents — I think that they have gone to play some of the quieter games together."
"I think that Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds have the right of it, getting out of this sun and into the trees. As I can see Melissa is happy with my sisters, shall we go and see what games that they are playing?"
"Yes, Missy."
Miss Bingley
Walking away from the noisy peasants, Miss Bingley spotted Elizabeth in the distance ordering a servant to take her natural child away. Where is she going? she wondered, so followed her. Seeing her prey take a path next to a stream, Miss Bingley crept up behind the hussy, and pushed her into the water.
The strumpet screamed and floundered about, calling to Miss Bingley for help. Then she sank.
With not the slightest shred of guilt, Miss Bingley watched as the body floated downstream and was caught under a small bridge. Making sure that no-one had seen her, she hurried back to the mansion.
Elizabeth
The water was not deep and, thanks to her husband's lessons, she could swim. Seeing Miss Bingley watching with a satisfied smirk, Elizabeth splashed around and, taking a huge breath, sank under the water. Face down, she walked her hands along the stream bed until she was under the bridge, where, concealed, she turned her head a little to catch a breath. Ah, this is cold!
From the shadows, she watched as Miss Bingley fled, then pulled herself from the water. Two children ran in her direction: Bill and Ben.
"Mrs. Darcy! Mrs. Darcy!" cried Bill.
"Why are you wet?" cried Ben.
Elizabeth did not answer, but asked them if they would do something for her. At their excited nods, she asked, "Do you know Colonel Fitzwilliam?"
"Yes!"
"Please find him and whisper these words to him: 'secret' and 'Missy'. Then bring him here. Can you do that?"
They were already running.
Glad that it was a warm day, she was still shivering when Richard arrived.
"Lizzy! What has happened?" He demanded, taking off his jacket and putting it around her.
Before answering, she thanked the boys for their help and suggested that they might like to have some cake. As they run away, again, she answered, "Miss Bingley pushed me."
"That woman!"
"I asked Bill and Ben to find you and not William as he would get angry— "
"As am I!"
"Please, help me back to my rooms. I am sure that you know the servants' corridors here."
"Aye! We used to play in them as boys!"
"Then, send William to me without telling him why. She has gone too far this time, so I should like to contain his anger and direct it towards revenge!"
"Very well." He helped her to her feet and did as she had asked.
By the time Darcy reached their chambers, Sarah had already arrived and had helped Elizabeth into a clean dress and was drying her hair. Lady Anne and Richard followed him in, but remained in the sitting room.
"What has happened? Are you well? Is it the child? Richard refused to say!"
"William! I am well," she answered, taking his hands. "If you do not mind Richard coming into my bedchamber, would you ask him and Mamma to come in so that I can tell you all together?"
"No, no. Come on in," exclaimed Darcy.
"Shall I leave you, Mrs. Darcy?" asked Sarah.
"No. I should like to stay." Seeing Richard look uncomfortable in the doorway, she added, "But perhaps we should sit next door instead."
As they took seats in the sitting room, her hair swiftly pinned up by Sarah, Elizabeth began, "After Sarah and I went to see the games for the youngest children, she left me to take Phoebe back to the nursery. I was on my way back to the tents when Miss Bingley pushed me into the stream."
Immediately, Darcy leapt to his feet and was starting to race to the door.
"STOP! WILLIAM! STOP!" Elizabeth hurried after him and blocked his path. "As you can see, I did not drown — thanks to your swimming lessons, I did not drown."
"This behaviour cannot continue! I will throw her out this very day!"
"No. No, you will not!" Elizabeth forced him to look at her. "From the beginning of our acquaintance, Miss Bingley's behaviour has been cruel and selfish, and is now murderous. I find that, although I have everything that she covets, I have exhausted my supply of gentlewomanly manners and should like to pay her back in kind."
Darcy looked unconvinced.
"Allow me to finish my tale, William."
He nodded.
"The stream was not at all deep — barely up to your knees, I think. I cried for her help, then pretended to sink under the water and sculled under the bridge where I stayed and watched her flee."
"Well done!" interjected Richard.
"Yes, Lizzy, well done," Lady Anne echoed the colonel's praise.
"She cannot be allowed to get away with this!" Darcy was still tense and ready for a fight.
"And she will not," Elizabeth reassured him. "But now we are at the part of the tale where the Flowers boys ran to get Richard who sneaked me up here. Then we have the ending, Sarah has helped me to change and has put my hair into some semblance of order, ready for my only husband to discard all propriety by holding me close, as I have started to shake."
Darcy looked bewildered for a moment before doing just that.
A bustle from Darcy's bedchamber heralded Stevens with a tray of tea things. Not for the first time, Elizabeth wondered how the valet always knew what was required.
Lady Anne and Richard feigned blindness to their embrace; she pouring the tea, and he asking, "What would you like us to do about her, Lizzy?" He laughed and added, "Do you suppose that she can swim?"
Elizabeth was pleased that her husband managed a small laugh, and disentangled herself sufficiently to pull him to sit with her.
Lady Anne huffed and remarked, "To think that that woman, that rude and grasping woman, tried to drown you."
"I need to laugh now, Mamma," replied Elizabeth. "I struggled to float face down, as your next grandchild kept trying to turn me over."
"The child is not harmed is he?" Darcy started. "Shall I call for a doctor?"
Elizabeth noticed Richard's envious discomfort as she put her husband's hand on the swell of her abdomen. Darcy's face softened as the baby moved under his touch.
"May I?" the colonel asked.
Elizabeth was about to grant him permission to feel the child too, when he continued:
"I should like to summon Bennet and the general. Your absence will be noticed sooner or later, and we ought to decide what to do." At Elizabeth's nod, he called for Stevens and bid him to find Sir Thomas and Lydia.
On her arrival and discovery of Miss Bingley's actions, Lydia immediately asked, "Do you have an old candlestick, Aunt Anne?" At their laughter, she continued, "Actually, there is but one thing to do: we shall cut her. Every single one of us will cut her. We shall offer no explanations for Lizzy's presence and will cut her absolutely."
"You are quite right, Liddy," Elizabeth acknowledged. "Let us keep her to her chambers for the rest of the day, until the tenants' ball, as I do not care to allow her to spoil the remainder of this, otherwise, lovely day."
Darcy called to Mrs. Stevens, "Would you find out where Miss Bingley is, please?"
"Sir." Sarah nodded and left.
Darcy
"Yes, Stevens?" Darcy had seen his valet loitering in the open doorway.
"May I suggest something, sir?"
"Go to it," replied Darcy.
"Sir. Miss Lydia's idea has some merit, but would it not take effort to cut someone? Why spoil Mrs. Darcy's day any further? Could we not keep Miss Bingley to her rooms until the morrow?"
"And cut her tomorrow!" cried Lydia. "Stevens, you are quite right!"
"I thank you, miss."
"And, Lizzy, and— " Lydia bounced up and down in excitement. "If you do not push Miss Bingley into the stream, I shall! What say you to that, Stevens?"
"I shall look forward to seeing that, miss." Stevens nodded.
Mrs. Stevens had returned with the news that Miss Bingley was in her chambers.
"How shall we keep her there?" asked Sir Thomas.
"Laudanum," Richard replied. "Let us take no chances: laudanum in her next meal."
"Richard!" exclaimed Lady Anne, chastising her nephew.
"Mrs. Stevens, would you ask your mother if she keeps some in the house?" Darcy said.
"She does, sir. I know where it is kept," Sarah replied.
"Excellent!" cried Sir Thomas. "Colonel, I think that you ought to be in charge of the deployment— "
"As it is not too late for you to withdraw your consent. I know, I know," sighed Richard as if browbeaten.
"Well done, lad."
"What about Helen?" Elizabeth asked.
"Her maid?" asked Darcy. At Elizabeth's nod, he continued, "If she wishes to leave Miss Bingley's employ and does not wish to return to Hertfordshire, I am sure that we can find a place for her here."
His reward was a kiss to his cheek. "We shall leave it with you."
He and Richard stood as Lady Anne and the Bennets left to re-join the guests. And, a little later, they watched as Helen took the dosed tea and cake to Miss Bingley's rooms.
"I am not happy with this," Darcy admitted.
Richard clapped him on the back. "Allow Lizzy and Miss Lydia their joke tomorrow. If she is both soaked and cut, her humiliation will be complete."
Darcy did not reply.
"'Indeed', Darce. You are to say 'indeed'."
"Very well; indeed."
"Good man! Now let us think of her no more and find our ladies."
"Indeed." Darcy smiled. "We shall start with the smallest and leave via the nursery."
Please don't copy!