CHAPTER 18

I felt like I'd lost all touch from reality. I'm not sure how long I stood there, shocked, at hearing the most unexpected words from Edward. But clearly, however long it was taking me to process was too long because he'd guided me into the passenger seat and was already starting the car. Silence filled the car. My mind simply can't fully wrap around those words he'd shared.

He's in love with me?

He's…in love with…me?!

The revelation alone makes me feel a way I've never felt before. Entirely likely because I'd simply refused to open my heart to anyone in this vulnerable way. And how could I?

I was a gimmick…a hot commodity to be exploited…to the previous failed attempts at relationships. And after the way I'd acted towards him…shutting him out, not trusting him…despite it all, he's in love with me? He wants me. Me.

As that sinks in, I'm realizing my brain mush and inability to be coherent just probably ruined everything. He probably thinks I hate him or something worse with how hard I see him gripping the steering wheel out of the corner of my eye.

But it's not the case. And I want to shout to him that I love him too. Because of course I do. Yes, he reacted terribly. Questioned my very being. And I'd been so focused on how much that tore me apart that I wasn't focused on how hard he was clearly trying to show that not only did he believe in me, but he cared for me so deeply that the thought of me putting myself into hurtful situations was something he couldn't do without being by my side…supporting me.

It's this realization of how deep my feelings for this man truly go and self-admission that affirms in my heart that I truly do forgive and trust him.

He accepted me as I am.

He believes in me.

He protects me.

He cares for me.

And everything he's doing was practically screaming those facts to me. I'd be so blind.

I'm mentally slapping myself for taking so long to realize my feelings. I'm mentally slapping myself for sitting in silence letting him believe his feelings were not reciprocated. I want to say something. Why am I not saying anything?! What is wrong with me?

"We're back," he tells me silently. I can hear the sadness in his voice. I look around, not sure what he meant when he says we're back because I'd been so lost and absorbed in my mental processing train that I'd missed the entire ride from the Bistro back to the hotel.

He doesn't wait for my response. He continues on, as the gentleman he is despite thinking I hate him, to come around to the passenger side to help me out of the car.

Say something, you idiot! I'm internally yelling at myself.

I take hold of the hand he's offered. I'm letting him guide me to my room.

Silence.

Come on, Bella, just tell him how you feel! I'm at war with myself, trying to muster up the courage to be as vulnerable with him as he was with me.

We come to a halt. I look up confused. I'm realizing we're standing in front of my hotel room. Neither of us is making a move to part nor are we making the speak.

The awkward silence is too much. I finally get the key card out and open the door. Rose isn't back yet, I realize.

"Rose isn't back yet," Edward notes. I look at him.

"I think she mentioned she won't be back until late," I whisper.

"Right," he nods his head. "I think I remember her mentioning that."

Once more- silence.

Come on Bella! I'm screaming to myself.

"Well if you need me, you know where to find me," he offers me a smile. It's strained. I did that.

STOP HIM YOU MORON! I'm screaming at myself and on instinct, my hand shoots out to grasp his as soon as I realize he was moving away to head back to his room. I've effectively stopped him and at the same time confused him. He's looking at me questioningly. He's waiting for me to say whatever it is I clearly had to stay that caused me to stop him.

But I don't have the words. I'm terrified to say them out loud.

But I also cannot let him leave. It would quite literally be my biggest regret if I let him go.

And so, I do the only thing I can think of aside from saying the words I know I feel. The hold I have on his hand tightens, and I throw myself at him, pulling him down towards me. For once, I don't think, and I don't give him time to question. Instead, I plant my lips to his in a hungry kiss.

I can tell I've caught him off guard. At first, he's not responding, and I worry I made the wrong call. I'm about to pull away when he's finally reciprocating. He kisses me back, winding his arm tightly around me as the other is weaving into my hair. We're fighting for dominance. I want to get closer. The fire igniting inside of me is too much to ignore.

I'm moving backwards and he's following me willingly. I hear the door slam as we enter the room. He must have kicked it shut. Neither one of us has paused or come up for air. The need is mutual, and we are both falling, falling, falling and allowing this feeling to consume us.

I push him back against the door. He groans in response.

I feel him move his hands to my thighs and suddenly, he's lifting me up. My legs wrap around him instantly in a vice grip. He's turning us around. The door is now against my back, and I can feel all of him. And oh, does he feel incredible.

There's slight hesitation on his part as I feel him grind into me, unsure how I'll respond. I can't help the moan released from my lips at the sensation. It's all the encouragement he needs as he adjusts me slightly above him to hit just the right spot as he begins thrusting. His lips begin trailing down my neck. I'm breathless and hot. Too hot.

Abruptly, I remove my shirt. His eyes widen as they take in my state. I'm without a bra today.

I move my hands to pull up at his shirt at the hem and start lifting. He pulls back enough to allow me to remove it. I tossed it aside. Where it landed, I couldn't say.

Once more, we're moving. He lays me gently on the bed. We're staring at each other. I want him to know how much I do want this. Want him.

I'm reaching down his jeans, lowering his zipper as I stare intently at his eyes as I lower it and begin to pull them down. He helps me work him out of his pants.

His hand moves to my hip, he's hesitating again. As though unsure if it's alright to remove my pants. I take it upon myself and start to shimmy my way out. Taking the hint, he takes over, gently guiding them down my legs. There's my panties and his briefs separating us at this point.

Ever so slowly, his hand is caressing my leg as he begins to plant kisses on his journey back up to me until he's finally once more hovering above me, staring at me with hungry eyes. I feel his hand grazing back and forth at the edge of my panties. He's letting me guide this.

I kiss him once more, wrapping my leg around his waist. I want him to know I want this. I've never been more certain of something.

He's finally moving past my panties, fingers slowly exploring my center. He lets out a slew of curses when he realizes how wet I am. I am so ready for him. And the sensations he's creating with the stroke of his fingers are enough to quickly drive me close to the pinnacle. He's inserting a finger, then a second as he's exploring what works for me and what doesn't. His thumb brushes on my clit with each pass and soon it's all too much. I'm a panting mess. If it were anyone else, I'd probably feel embarrassed, but I don't.

As I calm down, he removes his fingers and stares at me before planting a soft kiss on my lips.

"Bella," He pauses, he unsure.

"Edward please," I breath. "I need you." He looks unsure.

"I don't have anything with me," he admits.

"We're protected," I assure him. And we were. I'm not daredevil. He's searching my eyes. "Please, I need you."

He stares at me a moment more before his resolve waivers and he's kissing me. I'm pulling his briefs off the rest of the way, freeing him. Every impressive inch of him.

I can feel him at my entrance, he's watching me as he slowly enters me. He's taking his time. And I'm taking in every sensation building within me as he fills me completely. He begins moving slowly but gradually, his movements build. His thrusts are determined, with purpose and he's hitting just the right spot. I don't want him to ever stop. He's kissing me everywhere his lips can reach, taking my left nipples into his mouth while his other hand is caressing my right breast. I'm lost in the feel of him. It's almost a sensory overload.

"Oh god, Edward," I pant. "I'm close, I can feel it."

I feel his hand move down between us, gently circling my clit once more. I tighten my legs around him, snaking them higher, causing him to move deeper within me. He grunts in pleasure. I pull him back down to me, kissing him firmly.

Between his quickened, deep, and determined thrusts and the ministrations of his fingers, I don't think I can hold off much longer. He breaks our kiss, planting kiss down my jaw and nibbles slightly on my ear.

"Let go, Bella," he whispers. That's all it takes. I'm lost to the sensation…lost to the explosion. My back arches but Edward's here to help keep me grounded. He's not far behind me. He stills after a few additional thrusts. We're both catching our breath, staring at each other in wonder.

I love this man so much.

How was he even real?

He slowly pulls out and lays beside me. I don't break our gaze and I turn to my side as well. He's lightly moving my hair, tucking it behind my ear.

"Bella…" he starts. I interrupt him, kissing him once more. I feel him getting hard again and pull back in surprise. He smirks. Yea, he's proud.

"I am so in love with you Edward," I finally say the words. And the look on his face is priceless. He's silent, as if unsure he heard me correctly.

"You…what?" he asks, as though unsure he heard me correctly.

"I'm in love with you," I tell him, sliding closer to him. "And I'm so sorry my brain can't form coherent thoughts fast enough to not have said something right away. I should have and I'm so sorry if my silence made you think the worst. I-"

His lips cut me off. I swing my leg over his waist, effectively straddling him. He's ready for a second round already and I'm here for it. I don't waste any time as I slightly lift enough to take him and slowly sink myself down onto him.

We both moan at the sensation. He feels different in this position. I feel full. He's deep this way. To see what feels good this way, I angle myself back slightly, lifting before sinking back down. He moans—whatever I did seems right, and I let my instincts kick in and just feel. His hands move to my hips, tightening slightly. He's helping guide me and is thrusting up, matching my movements.

We lose ourselves in each other, exploring what we each like. This continues until we're both quite literally spent and are wrapped in each other arms. It's starting to get dark out. We're back and forth of slumber while still giving in to exploring hands, mouths, fingers.

"I love you Bella," he whispers as he pulls me in close.

"I love you too," I tell him as I look into his eyes. "So much."

He's leaning down to kiss me once more. And I'm thinking hell yes, another round is pending as I feel him grow harder once more, for the fourth time. But our train of thought gets put on hold when the door suddenly opens to the hotel room followed a startled scream. Rose was back.

"Oh my god, my eyes!" she screams. We look over at her standing in the doorway, hand covering her eyes. "What the hell, ever heard of a do not disturb sign?!"