The Start of Misery

DRACO

DRACO LAID DOWN ACROSS two seats, throwing his arm over his eyes as he enjoyed the peace and quiet. He knew his friends would find him on the train eventually and join him, but he needed this. He had made plan after plan this summer trying to find a way to complete his task. The vanishing cabinet had a sister somewhere at Hogwarts and all he had to do was track it down. The door to his compartment opened and he could hear his friends bounce in. He pushed his feelings of fear and uncertainty away in their box.

"Oi, Malfoy you alright there?" Blaise asked and without looking at him Draco knew he had a look of concern that he would try to mask with being an arse.

"Bloody exhausted is all." Draco said and it wasn't technically a lie. He still hasn't slept much since he returned home from 5th year.

"Up."

It would seem Pansy had entered finally, Draco sighed as he sat up so she could sit before returning to his position. It was always harder to hide when he needed comfort from her. She was very observant, but he was sure it probably also had to do with the fact that they grew up together. They could read each other better than anyone else, well Theo could read them too, but Draco didn't want to think about him. If he did, he would want to track him down and talk to him about what's going on. Pansy began to run her fingers through his hair and he began to relax finally looking at the others. Crabbe and Goyle always kept to themselves when we were alone like that both reading comics side by side. Blaise on the other hand had a strange look upon his face as he watched Pansy's hand. Draco watched him until the boy noticed and quickly looked away. Suddenly Pansy's hand stopped and she shoved Draco up gently.

"It's time for the Prefects' meeting and rounds." Pansy said as she got up.

"I'm not going." The single phrase made everyone freeze.

"What do you mean? You might lose your title if you don't go."

"I don't really fancy it this year." He said with a shrug before laying back on.

"You don't really fancy it? You're joking right?" He knew she was confused, but it's not like he could explain exactly why he was disinterested.

"No, just go without me, Pans."

With a huff of annoyance, she slammed the compartment door shut as she left. He looked to Blaise to find the boy staring out the door watching her go. He shook his head softly and let out a low chuckle. This snapped Blaise out of his trance and he looked to Draco.

"You could just tell her." He suggested and Blaise looked beside him to Crabbe and Goyle before answering.

"Not sure what you mean mate. Everyone knows Pansy is holding out hope for you." Blaise said with a sad smile before grabbing his book and opening it,

Draco threw his arm back over his eyes seeing as the conversation was once again over. He knew the silence would bring back the thoughts he was desperately trying to ignore. He was certain he would be dead by the end of this school year and he saw no way around it. His task was a cruel one, a punishment because of his father's failings. Albus Dumbledore may be considered an old man but that didn't mean he wasn't extremely powerful. If he could find the cabinet and fix it, he could bring others in to help distract and weaken Dumbledore. But he was a Malfoy after all, he wanted to do it on his own and he knew the Dark Lord would prefer it that way. His father was considered weak and that was something Draco never wanted to be. As tired as he was, he knew he couldn't fall asleep now that his mind was back to those thoughts, so he sat up.

"Blaise, quick question." He said and the other boy put back down his book. He nodded his head as to give Draco the go ahead.

"What makes you think Pansy still fancies me?"

"Well seeing as she openly pinned after you since we were first years and it's just the way she treats you. Like letting you lay your head on her lap and her threading her fingers through your hair. It's not hard to miss the signs."

As much as Draco wanted to correct the boy about missing signs, he just nodded his head in response. He was sworn to secrecy and he couldn't break that promise no matter how much good it would do.

"I still think you should say something."

"I think I shouldn't, and you won't either ever."

"Yeah mate, don't worry about it."

Draco looked out their compartment door and was greeted by the sight of Ron Weasley's face. Before he could even register what he was doing he had flipped the boy off. He watched as his face grew red and he stomped away, he went to turn away but before he could warm brown eyes caught him. They held contact from a moment as she searched for something, what exactly he didn't know. She quickly followed after the red weasel and he looked away.

"What was that about with Granger?" Blaise asked with a look of interest, even Crabbe and Goyle had looked up at that.

"Just my usual look of disgust for her and her filthy blood." He said with a smirk as the other three boys snickered.

The look wasn't normal and it was the second time it had happened. Draco knew if there was anyone, he had to worry about figuring him out it would be Granger. But once they were at Hogwarts, he knew she wouldn't even notice him. She always went out of her way to avoid him and not interact if she could help it. Her always being with who Draco liked to think of as Idiot one and two didn't make it easy. And if Draco could help it he wouldn't be dealing much with those two this year anyways. He has way more pressing matters to deal with than fighting with them. When Pansy returned to the compartment she looked quite put out as she sat back down.

"Well you've done it you're officially no longer a prefect and now my patrolling partner for the year is Hermione fucking Granger!"

"It's not very ladylike to curse." Goyle said as Crabbe snickered softly.

"Which one do you think will curse the other first?" Crabbe asked.

"Maybe we should start taking bets." Draco added with a shrug and a small smirk.

He wasn't best friends with those two, but he did care a lot about them. They had been through a handful of fights together and they always stood by his side. But at the end of the day, he knew their true loyalty was with each other and their own families. If their fathers didn't make them stick together at school, they probably wouldn't have even talked.

"You can all just fuck off." She said with a huff as she crossed her arms.

"Awe come on; you know they're just joking." Blaise told her and she rolled her eyes.

Suddenly a soft knock sounded on their compartment door and they all looked to see a small girl. Draco was sure that none of them knew who she was. But Blaise jumped up before anyone else could and opened it.

"Can I help you?" He asked with a soft tone.

"I have a letter for Blaise Zabini." She said nervously.

"That's me." At that she quickly handed him the letter and walked away.

Everyone watched curiously as he sat back down and read the letter. When he finished, he looked up to Draco first.

"Who is Professor Slughorn?"

"I've heard about him from my father. He was the head of Slytherin house for many years." Draco said with a shrug as he sat back.

"Well, he's invited me to some sort of meeting in a bit."

"Are you going to go?" Pansy asked.

"Yeah, I'm not like Malfoy here just deciding to not go where he is asked."

"I just don't see the point in it all anymore." Draco drawled

"What do you mean?"

"As in I would rather pitch myself off the astronomy tower than go to Hogwarts for two more years."

"Don't joke about things like that." Pansy said and if Draco was being honest that thought while dark seemed like a better alternative.

If it all came down to that it would probably be the less painless option to die. He was certain he wasn't meant to live past this year anyways so what's the problem with entertaining a few dark thoughts.

"Might I say again, Granger is MY patrol partner."

"It's not like she'll talk to you. She will want to get it done as peacefully as possible." Draco said

"Yeah, Granger doesn't seem to be the type to get into fights." Blaise added.

"Except when she broke Malfoys nose in third year." Draco turned his head to glare at Crabbe who brought up that particular memory as everyone burst into hysterics.

"Well, I got to head over to this meeting. I'll be back." Blaise said as he stood up and walked toward the compartment door. Before he stepped through, he stopped and added, "Behave children."

Draco could feel Pansy's stare as soon as the door closed and tried to ignore it. If he gave any indication that he wasn't completely okay, she wouldn't stop until she figured out what was wrong with him. If she did, he could bounce ideas off her. She was pretty good at scheming. No, he knew he couldn't involve his friends or even tell them about the mark and what he has to do. He grabbed his book and opened it hoping she would get bored of watching him read.

"Draco, stop it." She demanded.

"Stop what?"

"You know what. You're occluding again. You've been since we've entered the compartment."

"Oh, come off it, no I'm not."

"You may not be getting rid of all your emotions, but I can tell something is missing. The eyes are always a dead giveaway, your eyes are a shade too dark."

"Didn't know you paid that close attention to my eye color."

"Don't be an arse you've done this since we were kids. A natural talent they say, when we would get in trouble, I could tell you would push away any emotion that could bring tears to your eyes."

"Malfoy don't cry." He said softly as he glanced toward the other two boys, but they didn't seem to be paying attention.

"If you can't tell me, at least let me comfort you. Come on, lay back down."

He listened to her laying his head back on her lap as she began running her hands through his hair again. He loved her and she loved him but not in the way everyone else seemed to think. It was some time before Blaise came back and Draco watched as the boy stumbled into the compartment and landed on Goyle's lap. As the boy struggled to get up Draco could have sworn he saw a shoe with no owner.

Everyone had settled in for dinner and Harry Potter was still nowhere to be seen in the Great Hall. Draco smirked softly at the thought for it was his doing after all. He could still see the boy laying frozen on the floor of his compartment. Not able to stop him when he stomped his foot down breaking his nose. He believed it was what Potter deserved for spying on him on the train. It was the first thing since last year that made him feel good. Breaking Potter's nose felt like payback for last year when he and one of the dingus twins jumped him on the Quidditch pitch.

Draco couldn't bring himself to look at Dumbledore as he gave his welcoming speech. The sight of the man made his task even more real. It made him feel ill so instead of eating he just pushed his food around. He would take an apple with him just in case he got hungry later.

He could feel eyes on him and he looked around until he met hers again.

Three times.

They didn't break eye contact until the doors suddenly opened and Harry Potter walked in with a cloth covered in blood being held to his face. It seemed he got off the train and he fixed his nose, but it gave Draco pleasure to know he was at least still in some misery.

Draco's eyes drifted further down the table where Theo was sitting. He wasn't interacting with those around him as he scribbled on some parchment. Draco knew that meant he was sketching something. He could always remember the day Theo told him he didn't want to be friends with him anymore. He said things were getting to be too much with the way he bullied others and used other boys as bodyguards. He stopped believing they were superior to mudbloods during their second year. Hermione Granger was the top of their class and Theo claimed that was all the proof he needed that they belonged. It didn't mean he liked them, but he would tolerate them. At least that's what he said at the time, it's been so long Draco wondered if now Theo more than tolerated them.

When the headmaster stood to talk again, Draco couldn't find it in himself to listen or even look up at the man. He couldn't look the man he was meant to kill in the eye. Perhaps he would have a soul still after all this, even if he could feel it already fading away in the darkness.