Midterms just passed a couple weeks ago and I turned 23! I have some things I want to talk about after this chapter
please enjoy!
Wasn't the summer made for starting new things? For changing who you were? For wanting to step out of your comfort zone and just go for it?
But she couldn't bring herself to kiss Natsu that night. She turned him away, just like every other night when he dropped her off.
Her back felt exposed as she walked up the stairs to her front door, knowing he wouldn't leave until she was inside.
She couldn't cross this line, right? She couldn't let him suck her into the temptation that he exuded with every word and subtle touch.
Lucy was already pushing it with the way she let him take her out every night.
What would people think? What would her father do if he ever found out?
It was too stressful, wondering what she should do with Natsu. Because she was starting to like the way she felt around him.
He was already treating her like she was his, and it felt nicer than she thought it would have.
Her family hadn't meant to be as neglectful as it was, business was unfortunately the priority when it came to their bond.
But Natsu was putting her thoughts and wants before his own and she wanted to see what else he might do for her.
He let her go with a smile and a wave, promising again that he would call again, like he always did.
And when he did, she asked if they could take a break from seeing each other.
"I knew it, I freaked you out, didn't I?" She could hear the mopey expression he probably wore, pretending to look like a hurt puppy.
"No, it's not that," She shook her head to herself and bit her lip with a sigh. "It's just that I want to think about some things and it might be harder to know how I really feel if we keep seeing each other every night."
"You sure you're not scared of me?" Lucy tightened her arms around the pillow she'd been holding, feeling her stomach knot at his depressed tone. Natsu rarely ever sounded so serious with her.
"I'm not scared of you," A smile crossed her lips as she spoke. "...Just take this as a sign that I'm really thinking about whether we should go out or not."
"Wouldn't you know if you like me or not?" He snorted as Lucy rolled her eyes.
"It's not really about that as much as it is about my family and yours,"
"So you're saying you do like me? Hm? You kinda sucked at hiding it anyways. I know how you look at me when you think I'm not looking,"
"A-Am not! Natsu, I'm being serious! It's not that easy for me to be able to make my own decisions without thinking them through."
"You've gotta abandon that way of thinking, Luce. You'll never do anything meaningful with your life if you don't let yourself live the way you want to. Outside of us, you know. Don't let your dad's business run your life. You're allowed to do what you want sometimes, you know?"
They eventually settled into the idea of a week with no contact just before the next school term would start.
Gone were his good morning texts and wake up calls. Gone were the random messages throughout the day that let her know he was thinking about her or something they'd talked about the night before. And gone were the late night trips on his bike, where the tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.
She was back to her everyday routine of getting up, getting ready, eating a silent breakfast, lunch, and dinner on her own.
Lucy went to bed either talking to a friend or reading a good book, her hand now itching to tap her phone screen just in case.
She couldn't tell if it was the attention or if it was the fact that she was actually missing Natsu. But could anyone else really brighten her day up as much as he managed to?
So, she did the only thing she could think of doing. That was, if she wanted to test this theory out properly.
She let the son of one of her father's business men take her out on a date.
Dan Straight; someone who particularly had a slight obsession with Lucy and had been begging since the moment they met for a date.
Strike number one documented itself subconsciously as she sat in the back of his father's limo, Dan going on and on about the expensive quality of his clothing.
She was already missing the intimacy of the motorcycle, and the way she could press herself against Natsu in just the right way.
Lucy also had misconceptions about what attention seemed to mean to her now.
Dan was always the type who talked a lot about everything and nothing, but apparently did it so he could not-so-subtly brag about all the expensive things he owned.
If he asked Lucy a question about something she liked, it was only so he could talk about what he liked and how it was better than her own preference.
Strike number two.
Natsu had a way of knowing things, even if Lucy hadn't directly told him—perks of being in the mafia. But he used that information to his advantage, and was always surprising Lucy with things she liked. Or if they went somewhere to eat, it was somewhere she liked going. He never settled for his own preference and put Lucy before him in practically every way.
Dan picked an expensive restaurant, again, just to flash the fact that his daddy didn't mind footing the bill.
Had he even said anything interesting all night? She forgot how boring and annoying these rich losers were.
He walked with his arm around her as they went to and from the car, Lucy cringing at his suspiciously cold touch.
Was this her body warning her instinctively that they were a bad match? Or was it because Natsu was somehow always so warm that she could no longer stand to be with anyone else.
After a painfully long dinner, they took a slow ride in the car, his driver taking the scenic route back to her home.
Dan was talking about something, she really didn't care to know. All she could think about was how she and Natsu would take this road after a night of general shenanigans, how he'd stop on the side of the road overlooking the riverbank, and how they would watch the moon reflect against the water.
The date left a bad taste in her mouth, and she thought back to Natsu's words.
Would she really settle for a life with a guy like Dan just because her dad approved of him when she was clearly in love with Natsu?
What did it matter that she had an image to upkeep, she would never willingly spend her day with another man as unbearable as him if her life depended on it.
Lucy returned to her room with an exhausted sigh, finally ready to let the tension out of her body her internal suffering had created.
She didn't bother turning on the lights or getting ready for bed, simply flopping onto her bed and whipping out her phone. She was in dire need of hearing Natsu's voice at this moment.
She pulled up his contact information and quickly dialed his number, about to press her phone to her ear when a ring came from the sofa in the adjacent part of her room.
"...Natsu?" Lucy felt her heart skip a beat when he raised his lit phone screen for her to see. He sat up from his hiding place, the blonde quickly straightening herself as well.
"What are you doing here?" Not that she minded, of course, now that she was ready to express her feelings for him.
"I figured I'd wait around until you got back from your date," He shrugged as he approached the edge of the bed she sat on. "Not that I thought our week apart meant you'd be seein' other guys."
"That's not really wh—"
"You don't need to explain, I get it," He wore a slight frown, his hands shoved in his pockets as he looked down at her. "Two different worlds, like I thought. If you want to be seen with a wimp like that, then by all means."
"Natsu, if you'd just list—"
"I only came by to make sure you had fun," He said, sighing, dropping his weight on one hip, and rolling his eyes. "Dan likes to talk a girl's ear off about himself, so I know you probably loved hearing about all the money his dad has. Figure he can take you out and do all the cutesy things your dad—"
Lucy stood up quickly and grabbed the collar of Natsu's hoodie, pulling him forward before he could properly process her movements.
His lips should have felt awkwardly smushed against her own, but he adapted quickly. One hand settled on her hip and the other in her hair, angling her head perfectly so their noses wouldn't bump together. His bottom lip felt plump between hers, subtly pulsing against hers before he moved to capture hers. She wasn't used to his tongue but he guided her enough through the sudden haze that enveloped them both. He was desperate in the best way possible, to share just how passionately he felt.
It wouldn't just be a peck on the lips. He promised to leave her begging for more, addicted to the taste of his tongue, and snagged on his hook.
Her muffled breath and reddened lips spoke the words he knew she'd been dying to say.
"I'm yours, Natsu."
casually writing has been really hard recently, I just don't feel the way I used to when I write now
its been feeling more empty and emotionless and I'm trying really hard to find a feeling that I just don't know I can experience any longer. I'm definitely chasing something I feel like is completely lost, and that feeling had become so important to me and I hate that I can't immerse myself in a story like I could in the past
I felt pretty disconnected at the start of this chapter but I honestly think I found a little bit of inspo that makes me want to start the next chapter right away lmao