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"I haven't had an adult act in my best interest since my parents died. I like to think that I could've trusted Mum and Dad to look after me properly and keep me safe but the truth is I don't remember them well enough to know, and they left me with Mum's sister. They had to know what they were like and their attitudes to magic. Even an idiot would've realised the Dursleys wouldn't treat me well. There had to be a better option but none of their so-called friends even visited or contacted me until Professor Lupin taught here in third year. But I know they followed Dumbledore and I don't trust him or any of his other followers to put me before whatever he says or is planning so there is that," Harry said shrugging sadly.
"Nobody at all?" Susan said sadly, wanting to hug him to give him comfort but unsure he'd accept her hug.
"I trusted Hermione more than anyone up until recently. I've always known that she'd lie to me, or tell a parent or professor on me for something if she felt she needed to but only if she believed it was important and it was for my benefit not her own. I've always trusted her, but she's been weird this year, an it's only got worse since we unblocked our magic. I don't think she suspects about the block but she is angry at me for refusing to confide in her and she's still angry about that bloody potions book. In spite of her anger I believe that I'm just as much one of her best friends the way she is still mine.
I doubt she'd try to hurt me but she's losing confidence in her abilities so she's more likely to go to an authority figure for help if I confided in her and I don't trust the people she would trust. I trust my dorm mates to keep my secrets and not start rumours about me but I don't know whether I would trust them to act against what Dumbledore told them to do for my sake. Hermione, Neville, Ron, Luna and Ginny followed me to the ministry to try to rescue my godfather last year but I think it was as much for the thrill of the adventure for Ron and Ginny, and the chance to fight Death Eaters for Neville as it was to keep me safe. I don't know why Luna came other than that we are her friends. Hermione probably did come to try to keep me from doing something more stupid if I was alone but that was last year when she believed that she was strong enough to fight Death Eaters. I don't know what she would have done if that happened this year.
"I live with my Auntie, who is the head of the DMLE," Susan said. "I can trust her, and you can too."
"If she's as honest and upstanding as you think she is then she'd be a high priority target, the Death Eaters will want her out of the way, or at least to find a way to control her, and that makes you a target too. You should try to join Neville and I for training," Harry said, not necessarily agreeing that he was willing to take her word on who could be trusted to act in his best interests.
"Neville? Not Ron and Hermione?" Susan said surprised.
"Sometimes they train with us or more often I train with the two of them separately, but Neville likes to train just the two of us as well, he concentrates better that way and we don't spend so much time chatting or trying to goof off or arguing about what we should be learning as Hermione and Ron do, he works harder and he's better at keeping secrets and not talking about things that should not be talked about unless he's absolutely sure he cannot be overheard, and he will accept you joining us without demanding an explanation, it would be easier to keep it quiet if you came the days it's just me or just the two of us, Luna comes with Neville sometimes too, but even if she said anything at all it would be too vague and cryptic for people to understand what she's saying," Harry admitted. Ron also suspects that I've removed a block on my magic, he would suspect it was with you if we seemed to be friends all of a sudden and while he'd keep my secrets I'm not sure he would keep yours,"
"Neville wouldn't ask questions because he doesn't need to, he already knows the whole story, he doesn't need to ask why we've become friends," Susan reminded Harry. "You can't blame your friends for being curious, from their point of view if I started joining them for training, to them it would look like our friendship started all of a sudden and came from out of nowhere. Hannah would ask me a hundred questions if she found out I was training with you too."
"Yeah I know, but Hermione and Ron aren't going to take 'I can't tell them' for an answer, they're used to thinking that I should tell them everything because really they're the closest thing I have to a family as well as being my best friends, Ron because of his jealousy he can't stand other people knowing things about me that he doesn't and Hermione has a general need to know everything about everything, and believes our friendship gives her the right to interrogate me about anything she wants to know," Harry said groaning.
"Surely you're exaggerating!" Susan exclaimed laughing.
"She got a detention the morning after we unblocked our magic, for following me into the boys' showers demanding where I'd been all night, when I tried to walk away from her without answering her questions, at least I managed to walk away from her quickly enough to get out of the common room and stairwell before she started losing her temper and raising her voice," Harry said slightly embarrassed bringing that night up.
Susan blushed, "She actually joined you in the shower?" she squeaked.
"No, thank Merlin, I don't think that she would've but I was too angry with her to back down and luckily we were interrupted before it came to that. She was waiting in the common room when I arrived back, demanding to know where I'd been all night and I was ignoring her after I had already told her I was not going to tell her and that it was my private business. She followed me into the dorm, barged in without knocking where luckily none of the others were in the process of getting dressed though she did wake Neville up so he knows I was missing all night too and I'm not sure about the others. I was angry with her, I got my towel and stuff and told her that I wasn't going to answer her questions again and that the conversation was over and I was going to shower, then I entered the bathroom locking the door behind me. She ignored what I said and unlocked it and came in as I was starting to undress. I still had my clothes on, I was just unbuttoning my shirt, she was shocked when I made some sort of crass comment ordering her to either get out or strip off. I don't think it had even registered to her that I would be undressing and showering she was so fixated on getting me to answer her questions, and I was feeling too angry at her to stop and let her interrogate me.
McGonagall heard what I said and scolded me for being crude and dragged Hermione away taking her wand for the rest of the weekend and gave her a detention. The boys bathroom doors were apparently warded to tell her when a girl enters though they didn't stop her like the stairs to the girls' dorms stop us, but even that didn't stop Hermione from continuing to try to grill me for information until we had a fight about it and I refused to talk to her unless she dropped the subject and left it alone, and I think McGonagall heard about it because she extended her detention for the rest of the week, though I'm not sure why, Hermione wouldn't admit it," Harry explained.
"I see why you trusted your dorm mates to keep quiet about you being out all night if they kept quiet about gossip like that, they must have heard this argument and I haven't heard any gossip about it," Susan said, laughing nervously. "It's a good thing that nobody but Hannah knows that I was out all night too because I certainly couldn't trust my other dorm mates the way you can trust yours."
"Ron snores like a chainsaw, he was still asleep, and the others would have had their silencing wards activated, if they were in their beds, they wouldn't have heard," Harry replied less than truthfully, he knew they had heard Hermione, just as they set the spells on their curtains at night so they'd hear him screaming in case he needed help. They all tended to use one way silencing spells on their beds and to spell Ron's for him to keep the noise from leaving his curtains rather than spelling their own to keep noises out.
"They would have heard about McGonagall storming through the common room and up the boys' stairs and dragging Granger back to her office. We all heard about that, though none of the rumours were anywhere near close to the truth. Are you telling me you didn't tell your dorm mates what had happened?" Susan asked incredulously.
"They asked and I told them that Hermione and I were having a disagreement and I was ignoring her and turned my back on the conversation and she followed me in in a fit of temper. It was Hermione herself, keeping on with the argument that caused the others to say something," Harry replied. "They decided if keeping it to myself was important enough to fight with Hermione then they wouldn't ask me about it. Even Ron backed off. The only thing he wanted to know was why I hadn't locked the bathroom door, once he knew I had he was mad at Hermione instead as well for risking her reputation like that."
"Okay then. Is there a way to let me know which training sessions Ron and Hermione won't be at?" Susan asked.
"They both have prefect rounds from nine till eleven on Tuesday nights," Harry said.
"I didn't mean after curfew, I couldn't sneak out that late," Susan protested.
"Hermione's usually busy before curfew on Tuesdays trying to get her study time in before rounds and Ron rarely comes without her, never on a Tuesday. We could meet whenever you like after dinner on Tuesdays," Harry replied.
"Why didn't you run the DA again this year?" Susan asked curiously.
"Well firstly Snape is a decent DADA teacher so those who were only in it for their grades wouldn't need to come. Not to mention he might actually kill me if he found out I was undermining him like that publicly," Harry replied.
"Why else?" Susan asked perceptively. "You can't lie to me Harry."
"I wasn't lying they were both valid reasons," Harry protested.
Susan just stared at him waiting.
"Before I went to the ministry last year, Hermione activated the DA coin to call for help and only three people, Luna, Ginny and Neville showed up, Ron was already there with Hermione and I. The six of us managed to hold our own against a dozen Death Eaters but they were all injured and I can't help but think that they wouldn't have been there if I didn't start the DA, and what I taught them didn't stop them from getting hurt, it wasn't enough and they wouldn't have been there if I hadn't made them think that it was," Harry replied.
"Or alternatively, they wouldn't have been hurt if more of us had answered Hermione's call and gone with you. You taught us so much and we all let you down when you needed us. I can't blame you for not wanting to waste your time teaching us," Susan said contritely. It was yet one more way the school had let Harry down. He'd given his time and effort teaching them because they said they wanted to fight the Death Eaters and when Harry needed help to save the last person he thought of as family, they'd ignored him, and his godfather had been killed.
"No, I wouldn't have wanted everyone getting hurt, it was bad enough that my best friends all were," Harry protested.
"But we wouldn't have got hurt if there were enough of us. You were outnumbered and you still all survived," Susan protested.
"We got hurt because we were stupid and fighting like schoolkids. We were using Stupefy and Expelliarmus and Petrificus Totalis like it was some schoolyard fight or class duel, while they were using dark curses. It's a miracle we all survived long enough for Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix to come and rescue us, and Ron and Hermione were both seriously hurt. Hermione was cursed because she thought she'd taken her opponent out of the fight with a Silencio charm, and he could cast silently, though thankfully not as well or she'd have been killed. Me, Ron, Neville and Hermione were among the best fighters in the DA having more of you there using schoolyard spells would only have meant more of you getting hurt," Harry said.
"Young and naïve perhaps Harry but hardly stupid. You used the magic you knew. If there is a next time then you will know better, but isn't that a lesson you should have shared with the rest of the DA? So, they don't have to learn it the hard way as well?" Susan replied.
"How many of them do you think are ready to hear that? How many would be prepared to deliberately cast a piercing hex or Reducto at a person's head or chest? Or even at a lifelike looking target? We all knew at least some better spells that we could have used that night," Harry asked, frustrated. "And how many of our so called friends would turn on me again and tell their friends I was going dark if I suggested learning or using spells that cause permanent harm, or at least serious harm that takes a fighter completely out of a fight because it requires a skilled healer to fix? Even Dumbledore doesn't like his followers aiming to kill or maim the Death Eaters, even when it's to protect themselves and their families. He says that it's important to give them a chance to repent and change sides even if any sensible person knows they had that opportunity at the end of the last war and they flocked back to following Moldyshorts at the first chance they had. They didn't honestly repent then and they're not going to repent now! The people I care about are worth more to me than the lives of a Death Eater, and any Death Eater that gets away from a battle will attack innocent families again and again until they are stopped."
Susan sat back, surprised. Harry was right, the Death Eaters would be trying to kill them and they wouldn't be beaten with stunners and tripping jinxes but most of the students weren't ready to even think about fighting in a real battle, they were in the DA to get better grades and they were playing at fighting and feeling empowered by defying Umbridge. They wouldn't understand that what they were learning was not going to be enough to keep them safe against a group of people trying to kill them. "You're right but we are at war Harry, this is something they need to learn before they are caught in a battle and killed," she said gently.
"But how do I get them to learn that, or to even want to learn that? They won't listen to me. To most of them the war isn't real or they think it doesn't affect them, even those planning to go into Auror training assume that they won't have to face the Death Eaters until they are fully trained, a lot of them even believe that the Aurors will show them ways to arrest Death Eaters trying to kill them without being harmed so they don't have to kill or maim them, or they believe that I'll have killed Voldemort and solved the problem for them before they have to really fight. It's not going to become real to them until they witness an attack or lose someone they care about," Harry said pessimistically. I'm not going to go back to teaching the DA to use schoolyard spells, it will just make them overconfident and put them in more danger, and most of them will refuse to learn anything else."
Susan thought hard. "Perhaps you'll have more success if you don't go about it like a Gryffindor, like a bull at a gate demanding openly that they change their whole belief system. I'll start talking about how I'm afraid of being attacked and how your friends were hurt because they were using spells that didn't take out the Death Eaters permanently and they were just revived by the others and attacked them again, and mention how I want to learn to really fight and that even though DADA is much better now I don't think it is enough. My friends will want to reassure me that it isn't going to happen to us. I can see if there's anyone out there prepared to listen."
"Don't take this the wrong way but manipulating people like that doesn't sound very Hufflepuff," Harry said hesitantly.
Susan laughed. "If I was doing it for my own gain you'd be right. But if I'm trying to protect my friends the best way I know how, that's using Slytherin tactics to achieve a very Hufflepuff goal. The beauty of it is that nobody expects it from a Puff."
Harry grinned. "You'd be willing to do that for me?" Harry asked.
"I would, but not just for you. For my friends too, so they have a better chance of surviving the war," Susan said positively. "If I can gather a group who want to learn to really fight, will you teach them?"
"I will for you, but don't be too disappointed if people don't want to hear what you're trying to say. They're too frightened, and feeding that fear isn't going to help them stand and fight," Harry replied.
Susan frowned. Harry sounded far too defeatist in her opinion. She wondered whether there was another reason why he didn't want to restart the DA. She determined to share her concerns with her dorm mates next morning and prove him wrong, and to write to Auntie Amelia about Lucius Malfoy.
Gathering up her courage she tried to apologise and fix the damage she'd done to their relationship in their last real conversation. "I'm sorry for what I said last time we met. About me not being your girlfriend. I haven't accepted any invitations to Hogsmeade or any other dates. You were right, it didn't feel right to think about going on a date with anyone else. We were more than just friends even if we couldn't go on dates."
"I know you haven't been to Hogsmeade at all. You can go, you know? I don't want for you to be trapped in the castle because you can't go with me," Harry said. "Though honestly, I don't think that there should even be Hogsmeade weekends, particularly for all of us at once. It's just asking for a Death Eater attack. I didn't see any Aurors or any sort of extra security last time I went."
"I would have gone with my friends but they all had dates and I didn't want to go on my own. Thankfully being out with Auntie the other day allowed me to refill my parchment and ink supplies and some other personal stuff, though she didn't let me buy as many sweets as I would've bought," Susan said.
"I'd offer to sneak you down to Honeydukes now and buy you some, but you don't approve of my rule breaking," Harry replied grinning. "What is your favourite sweet?"
Susan laughed, "My best friend is a prefect," she protested.
"So are both of mine? Well, I guess Neville's really my best friend too these days so two out of three or three out of five of my closest friends other than you are prefects," Harry retorted.
"It's not really the rules that worry me it's the stupid risks you're willing to take. Isn't your life dangerous enough? Can you really get out of the school without getting caught? Is it safe? You're not just risking loss of points and a detention! What if you run into a Death Eater, you could be kidnapped and nobody would even know you weren't in the castle," Susan asked hesitantly.
"Sure it's safe, safer than you think, Fred and George showed me how to get to Hogsmeade in third year after my relatives refused to sign my Hogsmeade permission slip," Harry said casually. "We could use the tunnel that goes directly to Honeydukes basement, there's really not much risk, less than taking a stroll through the dungeons. I won't leave the shop."
"Thanks Harry but no thank you, what I meant to say before I got side-tracked by sweets was that I really didn't want to go to Hogsmeade with anyone else. I understand why it's too dangerous to go with you or be seen as girlfriend and boyfriend in public but I have missed talking to you."
"You mean you've missed perving on me in the early morning?" Harry said. He sounded as if he were teasing but Susan could feel the anxiety peak as if he needed to know the answer.
"I'd be lying if I told you I didn't miss that too I did enjoy it, though I know I shouldn't do it, but I also miss just talking, having someone to talk to that won't judge me for not being all sweet and loyal to everyone all the time and who I can share honest opinions with without fear of your reaction, and I'd love to spend time with you learning to defend myself better since we can't study in the library together or something. I'm willing to learn to really fight. I'll learn whatever spells you want me to," Susan said blushing.
"Okay, I'm happy to help you learn to fight and we'll spend some time together, get to know each other a bit better the normal way. I'll think about the other," Harry replied.
"I do mean it Harry. You were right, it may not have been traditional dating, but we were definitely more than just friends, and I really like you. I also trust you more than any other boy in the school, it might have been nice to have gone out with several different boys and to have made my own choice but I won't be very disappointed if the bond doesn't go away and we end up married to each other," Susan said. "If I did find out I was betrothed yesterday, I would have wanted it to be to you.
A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed and those who followed or favourited this story for your support.