— Year 11 —

The Leaving Feast was one of few things at Hogwarts Severus did actually like. Long time ago it meant he would be away from his bullies and would spend a whole summer with Lily. Now it meant he didn't have to teach for some time and he could be proud of his Slytherins working hard and winning the House Cup. What's more, Potter hadn't died and Severus wouldn't have to watch his annoying face for weeks. Indeed, Severus was quite content.

The choir sounded very good—no wonder it had won the Spring Festival at Bauxbatons for the third time in a row. Severus liked watching Ariana conducting, she was always making such amusing faces it almost seemed like fun to sing in a choir.

The choir stopped singing. Ariana walked up to the staff table and sat down next to him. He greeted her with a nod, but they didn't have time to talk, because the Headmaster started his speech.

And then Severus was content no more.

'Has he just given lots of points and the House Cup to the children who broke the rules?' whispered Ariana.

'Apparently.' Severus looked at his Slytherins. They were so shocked and heart-broken.

'I understand Longbottom, but the rest?' said Ariana.

Severus couldn't care less about Longbottom.

'What am I going to tell them?' he said. 'How am I going to convince them that they should keep learning and adhering to rules when Gryffindor won for breaking them?'

'I'm so sorry.'

He was sorry too.

— Year 12 —

'Have you heard that?' whispered Ariana, looking nervously down the corridor.

Severus listened carefully for a moment.

'I can't hear anything,' he said hesitantly.

They came slowly to the end of the corridor. Ariana held out her hand, stopping him as if she was trying to protect him, and got closer to check out the next corridor.

'Ariana, stop!' he hissed angrily. 'I should go first.'

'No,' she said firmly and glanced at the next corridor. 'All clear.'

'That was stupid, you know that, don't you? If the monster had been there, you wouldn't have been able to protect yourself. Do you want to be petrified? Or die?'

'And what could you do?' Ariana seemed irritated. 'Don't flatter yourself, you're not that invincible.'

'Have you forgotten you're actually a Squib?'

'No, I have not.'

Suddenly they heard a muffled sound. They stopped and listened carefully like a pair of frightened does. The sound was gone and Severus could hear only their rapid breathing. He looked at Ariana. Her eyes were wide open in fear. He gently took her hand to calm her down. He could hear his heart pounding and he wondered if fear was the only reason for that.

— Year 13 —

Severus came up to the door to Lupin's office and heard muffled voices. He winced. Lupin must have been talking to Potter about his supposedly flawless father. He knocked and walked in without waiting for an answer. But when he opened the door, he saw it was Ariana that Lupin was talking to, not Potter.

Severus stood still for a while, with a fuming goblet in his hand, and felt very awkward.

Ariana stood up quickly.

'Good evening, Severus,' she said with a suspiciously wide smile. He knew that smile. She smiled like that only when she was pretending to be warm and welcoming. His heart sank. He was not welcome here.

Not that it was surprising.

'I was just going to leave,' said Ariana. 'Good night, Remus. And good night, Severus.' She walked out of the room and closed the door. There was no need for that, because Severus was definitely not going to stay in Lupin's office longer than necessary.

'I've brought you your potion,' he said harshly and put the goblet on the desk, watching Lupin expectantly. But Lupin didn't even touch it, looking at Severus in return, as if he wanted him to leave.

'You should drink it immediately,' said Severus.

'I will,' replied Lupin politely with the shy smile he had whenever he felt uncomfortable and tried to hide something. 'I was just chatting with Ariana, she's very nice. We have a lot in common.'

Lupin wanted to hurt him, Severus knew it. His little revenge for forcing him to drink his potion that he should have been grateful for. And it did hurt. And he was worried for Ariana, because she didn't know who Lupin truly was. Granted, she knew he was a werewolf. But she wasn't aware he was capable of murder.

'You wish you had,' he replied impassively.

'I don't think you know her as much as you think you do.'

'Because it's you who chat with her in the staff room whenever possible? Have you told her who you are?'

'She does know what I am,' said Lupin gently.

'Does she know about your past? Your friends?'

'Does she know about your past, Severus?'

Severus felt a sudden urge to pour the potion by force down Lupin's throat.

'Drink your potion, Lupin,' he said instead and started walking back to the door, never taking his eyes off Lupin.

— Year 14 —

'Severus!'

He turned around to see Ariana walking down the stairs in her ball gown.

'Hi.' He walked up to her.

'I've just had to escort three Gryffindors to the infirmary,' she said, 'they were totally drunk. I'm sure they aren't even aware they got detention. How are you?'

'Fine, nothing special.' They started walking together down the corridor.

'Have you eaten anything?' asked Ariana. 'Something other than coffee, I mean.'

Severus had already opened his mouth to answer, but closed it as soon as she said it.

'There are delicious cookies in the Great Hall,' said Ariana.

'I try to avoid going there. Too flashy, too loud. Too many screaming teenagers.'

'I can't agree more.'

Suddenly they heard laughter coming from the nearest classroom. They went to the door and opened it carefully to see four older Ravenclaws with a fuming vial of golden potion.

'Well, well, well, what do we have here,' Severus said loudly.

The students look at him, scared. Ariana walked up to the one holding the potion and took it from him, but some of its fumes flew into her face. She blinked quickly, close the vial and gave it to Severus.

'It smells like Butterbeer,' she said quietly.

Severus looked at the potion and frowned.

'You've got detention! All of you! Every friday at five in my office, for three weeks!'

The Ravenclaws murmured something and slipped away.

'What was that?' asked Ariana.

'Fake Felix Felicis. It doesn't give you any luck, but it makes you high for some time. St. Mungo's is full of people addicted to it. How do you feel?'

'A little dizzy, but otherwise fine.'

However, as they were leaving the classroom, she tripped and would have fallen if Severus hadn't caught her in time.

'Are you sure you are fine?' he asked, concerned.

'It's just this stupid dress, really, I'm not high.'

As she was adjusting her dress, they noticed a few older Hufflepuffs looking at them peculiarly. Severus looked at them menacingly and they run away.

'Oh my goodness, I wish someone had been terribly ill and I had to brew ten different potions to save them—instead of being here,' he said, trying to ignore Ariana's blush.

— Year 15 —

In the late afternoon Severus walked into the staff room and saw Ariana sitting at the table. She was writing something on a piece of parchment, looking rather cheerless.

'Hi,' he said. 'Tea?'

'Yes, thank you.'

He made two beverages and sat down at the table.

'Coffee?' Ariana raised her eyebrows. 'You won't be able to sleep at night.'

'I don't sleep anyway.' He looked at her parchment and noticed some French words. 'What are you doing?'

'I'm writing to Bauxbatons to inform them that we—the choir— won't be coming to the Spring Festival. You know, since Umbridge banned all associations, there's no choir anymore.'

'Oh no.' Severus sighed. 'I haven't thought about that. It's just getting worse and worse. This was the only group where there was no rivalry between the houses. At least some Slytherins were finding friends from other houses and now I'm afraid they'll be more closed off, more vulnerable to Dark Lord's influence.'

'Indeed. Umbridge wasn't satisfied with the friendly atmosphere at the rehearsals. She told me it was unprofessional. You know, I always try to understand others, to sympathise with them, I even understand some of T… You-Know-Who's sentiments, but she's just so irritating, so harmful.'

'I agree with you. Sometimes I can't tell where I prefer to be: here or at the Death Eathers' meetings.' Unconsciously he touched his left forearm. 'She's already serving their cause, she just could be one of them. She's making our job ten times harder and she's turning Hogwarts into a nightmare, and I've already disliked the school, so these are not empty words.'

'Well, we just have to put up with her for a few months.'

'In a few months it might be too late for some, I'm afraid.'

— Year 16 —

Severus was walking along the Forbidden Forest towards the Hogwarts gate where he could disapparate. Dark Lord had called: he had to go.

He was somewhat grateful for this time, the walk between the castle and the gate. It gave him the opportunity to prepare to face Dark Lord, to organise his thoughts and emotions, to hide what had to be hidden.

Firstly he hid Lily as deeply as he could. Then he put forward James Potter and Sirius Black. He let the hatred flow through his veins. He remembered every instance of their relentless bullying, their cruel faces and voices to fuel his hatred even more. It was the best armour the Lily in his head could have.

He placed Harry Potter directly behind James. Their faces almost melted together, but it made the real Harry disappear. When Dark Lord looked into his mind, he wouldn't believe he could be protecting someone he hated so much.

Ariana. Severus stopped organising his mind for a moment. He had begun to despise himself for what he was about to do. He sighed. It had to be done anyway. Slowly he turned these particular thoughts around and forced himself to keep them that way. The thoughts that were rather innocent when they were at the back of his head, were so ugly now, when they were left without the warm feelings, trust and admiration. But it was something Dark Lord would understand. Something that would keep the memory of Lily even more safe.

He arrived at the gate. He checked his mind again: there was no room for error. Everything was perfectly full of hatred and lust. He stood still for a moment and disapparated.

— Year 17 —

Severus was sitting alone in the headmaster's office, taking care of some documents. Once in a while he glanced at a cabinet next to his desk. Eventually he put the documents aside, walked up to the cabinet and took out a radio. He touched it with his wand, murmuring several names of deceased Order members, until he heard the broadcast he was looking for.

'…so don't believe everything you hear, especially when it concerns the Chief Death Eater,' Lee Jordan's voice came from the radio. 'But today we'll be talking about something completely different and I'd like to introduce our new guest, "Phoenix"!'

'Hello, River.' Severus froze. This was the last voice he'd expected to hear.

Ariana.

'So, Phoenix, a lot of our listeners used to be friends with people who turned out to support You-Know-Who and pureblood supremacy. They feel betrayed, confused, lost. They don't know who to trust. Could you tell them what to do?'

'Firstly, trust only the closest people like your family. I understand that for many people keeping secrets from others seems bad, but it may be crucial to your survival.'

Severus wondered if she was talking about him. She trusted him and he had killed her uncle.

'Absolutely,' said Lee Jordan. 'Really—you'll catch up when we win the war. Remember, safety first!'

'Indeed. Avoid writing letters. Ask secret questions when someone comes home. Cast protective charms. Stay at home whenever possible. Avoid people. Even your best friend may turn out to be a Snatcher or a Death Eather.'

Severus felt awful. He thought she had to hate him, but actually hearing her saying those words was worse than he imagined.

'Yes, dear listeners, you're not paranoid, unfortunately such things are happening.'

'But keep faith,' said Ariana. 'There are people—more than you think—who right now are risking their lives for the cause. Don't trust people, but remember that you're not alone.'

Some part of Severus desperately wished she'd known he'd been one of those people.

'Listeners, that brings us to the end of another Potterwatch. We don't know when it'll be possible to broadcast again, but you can be sure: we shall be back! Stay safe and support Harry Potter!'

Severus turned off the radio.