Twenty minutes after her scheduled break, Elizabeth retreated into the hospital cafeteria for some well-deserved downtime. Hospital staff convened around every table and the only empty space Elizabeth could find was a seat beside the head of the cardiac department, who sat alone with a bottle of water and an uneaten sushi box.
"Dr. Quartermaine," she flashed a polite smile. A moment passed before Monica crashed back to earth and became aware of the nurse who hovered over the available seat. "Mind if I join you?"
"Oh, sure." Monica stretched out her hand in motion for Elizabeth to sit down with a mild reluctance. "How are you?" She immediately delved into small pleasantries; she had learnt from experience that it was better to ask first and, sometimes, even pre-empted the inevitable look of pity in people's eyes.
"Honestly," Elizabeth paused, her voice filled with exhaustion. "I think this is the first time I've stopped all day." The older woman smiled back as if she could relate but the reality was that her shift crawled by at a snail's pace, thanks to Tracy's malpractice lawsuit. There were only so many patients she could monitor and only so many times she could observe her subordinates perform in the O.R. while she remained on temporary suspension from surgical duties. "How are you?"
"Just fine, thank you." Monica replied in a harsh tone which warned Elizabeth not to pry. She viewed Emily's mother with concern as the hand that clutched her water bottle trembled ever so softly. "I saw your father earlier this morning, he seems to have settled in okay," Monica commented. "It must be weird for you to have him around so much."
"Yeah," Elizabeth tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Jeff had acquired a position at General Hospital with ease and he received a hearty welcome. Doctors and nurses, male or female, swooned over him and Elizabeth seemed to bump into her father every time she used the elevators. "It's an adjustment, " she diplomatically confessed her discomfort. "But Port Charles was his home long before it was mine and the boys adore him." Elizabeth had been pleasantly surprised by how quickly Cameron and Jake attached themselves to Jeff and how committed her father seemed to be to his role in their lives. He surrendered far more attention than she dared to hope for in her youth.
"I'm sure it's mutual," Monica replied fondly. "You have two adorable boys." She had always envied Audrey for them. On the odd day she ran into Elizabeth with Cameron and Jake outside the hospital daycare centre, she was reminded of A.J. and Jason when they were little. She wished she had known then that those were the best of times.
Elizabeth's cell vibrated on the table and she swiped it from Monica's line of vision but not before Jason's name flashed upon the screen. "Hello," she answered in an abrupt tone. "No, that's okay. I'm on my break." Disturbed by the one-sided conversation, Monica discarded her uneaten lunch into the trash can and hurried from the cafeteria without a word.
"Earlier when you called me - - I was with Monica."
Jason's hand paused mid-stroke of Elizabeth's hair as her head rested on his bare chest. They were entwined underneath a blanket in front of the fireplace in one of Sonny's safehouses - the only safe haven for their love. "How is she?"
"On autopilot. She shows up for every shift but it's like she's not really there." Elizabeth was sure Emily had voiced her own concerns about Monica in the months after Alan's death once or twice, possibly more, but Elizabeth had been so consumed by her own personal crises that she paid little attention. "Today at lunch, I sat next to her and I was sure I could smell alcohol. "
The word prompted a bitter taste in Jason's mouth. "I wish I could help her," he replied sadly. Despite all the years he had enforced a detachment from the Quartermaine's, there was an undeniable affection he held for them; Emily and Lila had been the easiest ones to love but his relationship with Monica had steadily rebuilt over the years. He felt protective of her as only a son could. "But she blames me for Emily's death." It still pained him to recall how ferociously his mother had literally shoved him out of her home and disowned him but he doubted that her wounds had healed with time. The fact that Lorenzo Alcazar's son was the real perpetrator of Emily's murder, not Zacchara, made no difference to the fact that her death was a direct conseuqence of his actions.
"You're not responsible for what happened, Jason." Elizabeth softly caressed his cheek, "Deep down, Monica knows that." She felt Jason's jaw tense. Rarely, if ever, did she probe him to discuss his family; the precious time they stole away was theirs and theirs alone. "When we became best friends, I made Emily promise she would look after my Grams if there was ever a time I couldn't. It sounds silly, I know," she rolled her eyes, a little embarrassed. "But I was all Grams really had and I needed to know she'd have somebody close. I can't help but think that Em would want me to be there for her mom."
"Elizabeth, Monica - - Monica isn't your responsibility." Jason started to feel the walls close in on him. The pressure of expectations that he would never live up to provoked a harshness in his voice which eventually diminished. His frustration was reserved for him and him only. "Monica needs her family. She needs her son, that's not who I am anymore."
"But Jake is her family," she cautiously counteracted.
Lines of bewilderment etched across his forehead; Diego was dead but the next threat only lay in wait. "We kept the truth to protect Jake because my world is too risky for him - - and you. Emily lost her life in the crossfire. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anyone ever hurt you or the boys because of me."