Chapter 11 - Sixteen

Jon remembered being 16. Remembered it more like it was a year ago than like it was 18 years ago.

Things were different for him than they were for Shawn, but in some ways, they were exactly the same. He had had a couple of close friends he hung around, guys who were as bad an influence on him as he was on them. He'd broken the law to get his parents' attention; he'd jumped from girlfriend to girlfriend to try to fill the emptiness. The biggest difference was the setting and the stakes.

But Jon figured they would have at least one thing in common: Jon would never have wanted to spend his 16th birthday with his parents. Jon didn't expect Shawn to want to spend the day with him.

Shawn was lucky. His birthday landed on a Saturday. Jon made sure to talk through plans for the day a week in advance. "Now, the DMV opens at eight. I'm not gonna tell you you can't sleep in on your birthday, but if you want to be at the lines—"

"We can get up early."

"I'm guessing you've got plans with friends?"

"Yeah, if you'll lend me the car."

There was a note of mischief in his voice, but Jon knew he would take the responsibility seriously. "Because it's your birthday," he said. "But in the future, we're going to have to talk about when and how often you're allowed to use the car."

"No problem. If you need the car, I'll just ride your bike."

"You're not riding the bike, Shawn."

"Never?"

Jon avoided the question. "When do you want to meet your friends?"

"I don't know. Cory will probably sleep in until 11 or something."

"Well, if we finish up at the DMV and you're not running off yet, maybe I can take you to get some pancakes?"

"You want to take me out to breakfast?"

"If that's OK with you."

Shawn shrugged. He didn't look the least bit unhappy, but it was obvious this was a new concept for him. "Yeah, sure. Sounds good."

"Then you can spend the day with your friends, but I want you back at the house by 6:30."

"6:30? My curfew is 11 on the weekends, it should be later on my birthday."

"I'm taking you to the visiting center to see your dad."

Shawn's eyes widened. "Seriously?"

"You want to see him, don't you?"

Shawn let out a short laugh. "Yeah. I'll be back by 6:30."

Jon caught himself getting excited for the weekend. He had talked to Alan and Amy about what to get for Shawn, and he bought and wrapped it while Shawn was out with friends after school one day.

When the day came, and Jon pulled himself out of bed at the crack of dawn on a Saturday, he found Shawn down in the living room, dressed and ready to go.

Jon rubbed at his face. "Give me a few minutes. I'm gonna put on some coffee."

"I already did. It's ready for you."

Jon blinked in surprise. Shawn wasn't messing around. He went over and poured himself a mug. Shawn watched him intently, clearly waiting for him. Jon sighed, poured it into a thermos instead, and followed Shawn out the door.

They arrived before the DMV was even open, and there was still a line, but Jon didn't think it was as bad as it would be if they had arrived later. Shawn didn't seem discouraged. Half an hour into the wait, though, it occurred to Jon that maybe now was a better time for Shawn to have his gift. It was just noisy enough in the DMV that they wouldn't be drawing anybody's attention, and quiet enough that they could hear each other. But Shawn was clearly intent right now, focused on what was ahead. Jon didn't dare distract him.

Within the hour, Shawn had been called out to take his test, and Jon had been taken to a waiting area. One other man sat there with a magazine, but Jon couldn't bring himself to read anything. He was too nervous on the kids behalf, not because he really thought Shawn wouldn't pass or that he wouldn't be safe, but because he knew Shawn would be nervous, and he'd be absolutely devastated if that nervousness caused him to fail. It would put a damper on his whole day.

The guy next to him cleared his throat. "First kid?"

Jon almost explained that Shawn wasn't his kid, but right now, it didn't seem to matter. "Only kid," he said.

"Ah."

"That obvious?" He guessed he had been fidgeting a lot.

"I was the same way with my first. Of course, she was a girl. It's harder with daughters."

Jon nodded. He wouldn't know. "I don't know whether to be nervous he'll pass or fail."

The man chuckled. "My advice? Enjoy every minute. Every pass, every fail. It goes by too fast. But I'm guessing you've learned that over the last 16 years."

Jon didn't say anything.

A minute later, another teenager came back into the building with a huge grin on his face. The man beamed, radiating pride, and he pulled the kid into a strong embrace. Jon looked down at his hands. He didn't know if he should do that, if he even could.

He didn't have long to find out. Shawn came running into the room a few minutes later, grinning ear to ear. "I passed!"

"Alright, Hunter!" Jon put out his arms.

Shawn launched himself at Jon, squeezing tight for a brief second before he let go. "Next stop, Europe!"

Jon breathed in to correct him, but decided to go with, "You go to Europe, you're not gonna be back by 6:30. Are you hungry?"

"I'm always hungry."

Jon had noticed. He held out his keys. "Drive us to pancakes?"

"All right!"

Jon's chest felt full as they drove, his head feeling almost light every time he looked over at the kid. He was so happy. Doing so well. This was going to be their best day together so far.

Jon brought his gift into the restaurant, and Shawn eyed him curiously, but he didn't hand it over until after they had ordered and were waiting for food to come. "Happy birthday, Shawn."

He grinned like a child, then looked down at the gift, which was a large package with a few smaller ones stacked on top. "Which one first?"

"The big one."

"Don't have to tell me twice." He tore off the paper with all the decorum of a five-year-old on Christmas morning, and his jaw dropped. "You got me a Walkman?"

"Yeah. You like it?"

"Yeah, just… They're expensive."

"It's not your sixteenth birthday every day."

"Yeah, but, I can't get you something this nice when it's your birthday."

"It's not your job."

"But..." He shook his head. "It's not yours, either. You're not even my dad."

"Shawn. Look at me." He reached out and put a hand on the kid's forearm, which was all he could reach, and waited for Shawn to look him in the eye. "I'm not expecting anything from you. I just want you to have this."

Shawn blinked a few times, searching his eyes, then he looked back down at the Walkman. "Thanks," he said quietly. "I love it."

Jon let go of his arm, and he nodded down to the other gifts. "Are you going to open the other ones?"

"It's already too much," he said, but he unwrapped the other three packages: all of them cassettes, two of them Counting Crows and one a band that Jon liked and he thought Shawn might like also. He kept staring at them, running his hands over the gifts, as though he thought they might disappear.

The waitress brought out the food, and Shawn set the gifts aside. The huge stack of pancakes broke the ice, and they chatted comfortably for the rest of the morning.

Shawn drove Jon back to the apartment building and more or less dropped him off. He took off a little faster than Jon had usually seen him drive; Jon wasn't sure if it was because he thought he would get in trouble for speeding, or if he valued other people's safety more than his own, or if he was just excited. Probably a combination of all of them.

Jon didn't go in to the apartment; he hopped on his bike. He had agreed to meet Eli, since it had been far too long since they'd been able to hang out.

He and Eli met at a sports bar. It was early for beer, and Jon wasn't hungry yet, so he just sipped a soda while Eli ate lunch.

He had a good time, he really did, but he couldn't help but wish he had asked Alan out instead. It wasn't even that he needed advice. Eli was great for talking about sports, and movies, and women, and for talking shop: about school, students, media, literature, current events. And Jon needed that. He needed time to himself, to be himself.

But right now, his mind was stuck on Shawn, on how proud he was that he had passed his driving test, on Shawn's mixed feelings about the gift, on wondering what he and his friends were getting themselves up to. Eli was happy to listen—he was a good friend—but Jon didn't feel comfortable talking about it for more than a few minutes, while he and Alan probably could have chatted about the kids for an hour or more. He didn't exactly regret asking Eli to come out, but he figured he would need to start expanding his social circle.

And, for that matter, getting back into the dating game. Jon hadn't been with a woman in months. The bartender, Debra, was pretty hot. He managed to get her number before leaving.

He hit the gym for a couple of hours—his gym schedule had been hopelessly overturned, but he could at least make the effort to go in every now and then so he didn't lose too much progress—then he made it back to the apartment in plenty of time to enjoy an afternoon to himself, which he hadn't had in weeks. He watched TV, he even went up to his room and read a book in bed for a while. He was fully immersed when he heard the knock on the door.

Jon went down to find Shawn standing in the hall, almost bouncing on his toes with excitement. "How was your day?" Jon asked.

"Good! I got a hot girl's number."

"Weren't you out with Cory?"

"Yeah, so?"

Jon guessed it had been a hypocritical comment, since he had gotten Debra's number while he was out with Eli. "Do you want to drive, or you want me to take you on the bike?"

"I've been driving all day, let's do the bike."

"You got it." Jon grabbed the helmet and his jacket, and they headed out.

"You totally sure I can't drive the bike?"

"Keep dreaming." Jon climbed onto the seat, and Shawn sighed, sliding in behind him.

Halfway to the visitor center, Jon realized he should have taken them in the car. He wasn't going to have anywhere to hang out while Shawn had his visit. He hadn't thought about that; this was only their third time going in. A couple of visits that had to be postponed because of emergencies at the office.

Jon walked Shawn into the lobby, and Shawn gave the receptionist his name. She looked down at a few papers on the desk, and then she found. "Chet hasn't come in."

"That's OK, he's probably just running late."

"He's supposed to arrive before you," she said.

It took Jon a second to catch her meaning. There was definitely a reason he had to be early. Jon wondered if they were checking him for drugs.

"It's OK, we can wait," Shawn said.

"I'm sorry, Shawn. He's not coming."

"Well, how do you know?"

"Even if he comes at this point…" She shook her head. That confirmed Jon's suspicions; whatever tests they had to do, they took some time. "I'm sorry."

Jon cleared his throat. "Shawn, go wait for me in the parking lot."

"Jon—"

"I'll be there. Just… do what I ask."

Shawn positively glared at him, and he stormed out of the building.

Jon whirled on the receptionist. "Did you try calling him?"

"Of course we called him."

"And?"

"He's not picking up. He doesn't want to be found."

"Please. It's Shawn's sixteenth birthday. There's gotta be something you can do."

"There's nothing I can do." She nodded toward the door. "Go be there for the kid."

"I'm not the one he wants."

"You're the one he has."

Jon swallowed hard, and he walked out of the building.

Shawn was standing by the bike, one hand in his pocket, the other gripping his helmet.

"I'm so sorry, Hunter," Jon said.

"I'm OK, Jon, he probably got busy. He's got a lot going on, you know? With the… parenting classes…"

Jon nodded slowly. He wanted to say something, some thing about the fact that it was Shawn's birthday and his dad should've remembered that and showed up, but he couldn't help but feel like it would only make things worse. "Do you want to go back out with your friends?"

"No, I'm kinda tired. Can we go home?"

"Yeah." Jon slipped on his helmet, and Shawn put on his, and they both got on the bike.

Shawn didn't say anything, and even when they got back to the apartment, he just gave Jon a smile, thanked him again for the day, and went up to his room. When Jon checked in on him a half an hour later, he found the kid laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, Walkman beside him, headphones on. His face didn't betray any sadness or anger.

But for the rest of the evening, and well into the night, Jon could feel the way Shawn had gripped him on the bike as they rode home. The way his hands had shaken, like the world was crumbling in on him and he was only just keeping it together.