Because in troubles great, mild and prized
This chapter deals with Kaede's first period. Some mentions of menstrual blood and stomach pain.
The third time comes as an accident on a Saturday morning.
They spent a quiet, calm night-in the previous evening, watching a movie Kotetsu picked up from his old sizzling VHS and which ended up being a romanced remake of Mister Legend's most famous arrests. The whole thing had not been as sappy as Barnaby expected it to be, therefore he appreciated it. Also, old Legends episodes have a tendency to put stars in Kotetsu's eyes, and Barnaby has yet to find a parade to stop his heart from fluttering like an idiot when it happens.
Even Kaede had not complained too much about the bombast of it all and held up to the very end of the credits before claiming that it was going a bit out of style.
Overall, a success of an evening, by their standards. They had even managed to go to bed early without Barnaby or Kotetsu's PDAs forcing them to postpone all their plans. That fact itself was already a miracle and it should have alerted Barnaby more than it did; if he had gained one certainty those last few years, that was it: in his life, things never went to plan. And especially not when the Kaburagis were involved. Not even such mundane things as a treetop course were safe from the sweet chaos they inevitably brought in their wake.
But Barnaby had been growing lenient; he had let himself believe that everything would follow his well-crafted schedule. Because for once, he had planned things ahead not for the father, but for the daughter.
"Sleep well, and see you tomorrow for kicking your ass in the trees!" had been the last words Kaede said to him before going in her room for the night.
He had smiled, Kotetsu had laughed. "She's getting cheeky", Barnaby had noted, not without fondness.
"She's getting that from you, you know", was Kotetsu's immediate retort.
He was right, and Barnaby may have felt a tiny spark of pride. May have.
(Who is he kidding? He'd been proud as a peacock and found himself smiling stupidly at the ceiling of Kotetsu's bedroom half an hour later, cradled by his partner's soft snores at his side, completely incapable of falling asleep, overwhelmed by the implications of what it meant that this young girl was actually taking up some of his mannerisms.)
For weeks now, Barnaby and Kaede's little treetop adventure course expedition had been on the table, but the right occasion never presented itself. At least, not before this particular Saturday.
Everything actually seemed to come at the exact right time; Barnaby and Kaede would get the whole day for themselves, as Kotetsu would spent it helping his mother get a battery of medical tests from the big Stern Bild hospital. Nothing important, just routine checks, but Oriental Town was less equipped with the new machineries and what would have taken three different appointments divided between three centres and, most likely, three months of waiting, only necessitated one day of chained up appointments in Stern Bild.
Both Kotetsu and Barnaby saw an opportunity. To spend some time with his mother for the former, make sure she's treated right and gets every medication she needs (as well as monitoring she doesn't evade some doctors… again), and bond with Kaede for the latter.
The previous times such appointments were needed, Anju had managed by asking her eldest to close his store for a few hours, but with Muramasa's family extending and his now three children to care for on one salary, he had told Kotetsu that every extra hour was precious. The brothers shook on it; it'd be easier to line up the consultations and for the youngest to deal with their mother's appointments.
Twice, Kotetsu valiantly tried to fulfil his mission.
Twice, his PDA went off while he was on his way to the station.
But the third time's the charm, as they say, right?
And since Kotetsu and Barnaby became an item, since the Kaburagis learnt of their relationship, Kotetsu's been easier to convince to take some leave from hero work. For little periods, at least.
Therefore, this time, he decided he would not tempt fate again and actually talked to Lloyds two weeks before the date of the appointments to make sure that both his and Barnaby's transmitter would not ring unless there was a world-shattering attack on the city. Once he got the confirmation from Apollon, he called his family and decided that not only would he accompany his mother on her medical exams, but he'd also take her to see one of her favourite actors in one of Stern Bild's largest 3D movie halls afterwards. As a treat for putting up with hospitals, which they both grew anxious about for similar reasons. He presented the project to Barnaby with a coy smile, asking if he felt up to the challenge of handling his biggest fan for the whole day.
Barnaby did not have to force his enthusiasm. He had been kind of waiting for such an occasion to bond with Kaede.
So, he immediately texted her the idea.
[To: Kaede] If your father manages to go with your grandma this time, would you be okay spending the day with me?
[From: Kaede] omg for real?
[From: Kaede] yes!
Barnaby had been at his desk, trying to fill up some forms, and his smile had been very difficult to contain.
[From: Kaede] but please tell me you're not going to attempt to bake me cookies this time
She was teasing him, again. It hadn't been that much of a disaster, the cookies. They had only turned up a bit bronzed out, they were perfectly edible and quite good, in his opinion. And Kotetsu agreed. And so did Nathan, Ryan, Ivan, Pao-Lin and the children and the nuns of the SBCC, whom he brought some afterwards because okay, maybe six batches had been a bit much for three.
But still, she insisted on tormenting him with it. Strangely, he didn't really mind.
[To: Kaede] Hey, leave me some room for improvement, there!
[To: Kaede] But no, I was thinking more of going out. Doing something outside, for a change. We could go somewhere, do something fun?
There is no answer for five minutes, and suddenly, Barnaby grows anxious. What if he's getting ahead of himself? What if she doesn't feel that comfortable with him yet? He scrolls back on their conversation. She never sounded uncomfortable or ill-at-ease before, quite the contrary, but… He glances at the clock, in the top right corner of his phone.
Five to ten. He's a moron. She's in class. She shouldn't even be texting.
At ten, when he's sure she's on break, and because he can't help but overthink it, he adds:
[To: Kaede] I'm thinking something along the lines of waterparks or amusement parks, but only if you want to! Are there some types of parks you always wanted to try out?
The shedload of enthusiasm that followed these texts had been heart-warming, quite reassuring, and by midday, his smile impossible to hide. Kotetsu at his left definitely picked up on his mood and pocked at him mercilessly until Barnaby actually told him what he'd been giggling about the whole morning.
Kotetsu had loved the idea, but pouted a bit and made him promise to join them next time. Barnaby, who had expected his giant man-child of a partner to show some form of jealousy (over the time spend with Kaede or over the amusement park, who knew), gave his word.
Also, he didn't giggle.
Since that morning, Kaede had been talking about treetop courses nonstop. Barnaby had even been treated to a face-to-face presentation, with a personalised slideshow, when he made the mistake of asking why she didn't want to try the waterpark instead.
Not the day he expected to learn so much about pine trees from a teenager's colourful slides, but hey, life's made of surprises.
So it had been settled, reservations had been made, plans had been elaborated, and new sneakers had even been bought, this time without incident. They would depart early in the morning, just after Kotetsu, and spend the whole day together, climbing their breath out in the trees, discovering the nearby region and making the most of their time together.
Overall, a perfect plan.
So, of course, because this is Barnaby's life now, it all came unstitched before it even began.
When D-day comes, Kotetsu disappears after a quick peck on Barnaby's lips, heading for the station, and Barnaby smiles while pouring some coffee in a thermos for the road. Somewhere in the flat, Kaede is still getting ready, muttering under her breath, running into stuff in her haste. Living with her, Barnaby has learnt from the few days he now spends in his partner's flat when she visits for a week, is like having a mini Kotetsu on hands; a real dynamo, passionate about a lot of things (and a lot of what an ignorant Barnaby used to call unimportant things, such as what toppings should go on a vanilla cream or what condiment is a crime put on rice), exuberant, loyal to a fault, excessively loud but filled to the brim with love.
She's her father's daughter in more ways than one, and Barnaby's getting more and more attached to her with each passing day. She sneaked her way into his heart so quickly he cannot really believe they've known each other for four years only. Just as Kotetsu, he feels as if she's always been there. She is a blessing, even if the whirlwind sometimes is challenging to contain. Especially when said whirlwind has NEXT powers and can copy yours any time she wants.
But oh, for all the problems and near heart-attacks, he wouldn't give her presence away for the world.
Sometimes, he almost feels like a parent. Not that he sees her enough for it to actually be true, in any shape or form, but he doesn't know how else to call the feeling that blooms in his heart every time he hears her name or sees her smile.
It's fondness, worry and consideration, desire to protect, to care and love for years all in one.
It's a feeling turned towards the future, and a feeling he knows, deep down, from his core, from his bones, that is here to stay.
It is not something he expected so early in his life, and certainly not like this. But it's a blessing all the same, and he feels strangely lucky thinking about it. His therapist says it's a good thing, him feeling like he can finally take care of somebody else, feeling parental. Barnaby's not sure, because Kaede is a teen and plainly capable of looking after herself.
But still, it's a very nice feeling.
Nine o'clock strikes in the kitchen. They are supposed to depart in ten minutes and Kaede's been in the loo for fifteen. They are already running late on their schedule. Barnaby sighs. Apples, trees, yada yada yada…
He prepares the cool bag, leaves it on the stool and goes to gently knock on the toilet's door.
"Kaede? Are you almost ready, now?"
The answer takes some time to reach him.
"Yes, yes, just a minute!"
Was it him, or did she sound tense? He goes back to the cool bag, checks that they've got enough water and loads their sandwiches from the fridge. All done, he puts the bag, ready to grasp, by the door.
She still hasn't come out.
"Kaede?" he tries again. "Are you alright?"
The "yes, yes" definitely seemed forced, this time.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing! You go on, I'll catch up with you in the car!"
"What? Are you sure you're alright?"
"Yes, yes, sorry, give me five more minutes!"
That definitely sounded panicked and distraught, by his standards. What could be wrong? Did she eat something bad? Out of the three of them, he's the one with the most delicate stomach, and they only ate Kotetsu's chahan last night and the same breakfast she had the day before.
So, why would she lock herself in the bathroom like this?
He gets his phone. Five past nine. He frowns in front of the screen while a row of muttered "fuck, fuck, fuck, oh no, please no, no, no, no, not now" suddenly comes from the other side of the door.
Okay, now, he's definitely worried. Kaede is not the kind of teen to curse freely, not unless she's really panicked, and she is usually very cautious in Barnaby's presence, in a way that is both amusing and touching.
Something is definitely wrong.
"Kaede, dear, what's going on?"
There are other sounds, more curses, paper being torn and ripped, some sniffling and what sounds like a shaking exhale. Barnaby is getting anxious. She was fine just an hour ago, looking forward to their little expedition. What could be wrong? What ill plagues thirteen years old at nine in the morning? A row with a friend? He turns around. No, her phone is still on the kitchen table.
He tries and imagines all sorts of terrible things. None of them is neither reasonable nor plausible. On the other side of the wood, the half-muttered curses keep coming, muffled, as if she were holding a tissue over her mouth to keep herself silent.
"Kaede, please, talk to me. You're worrying me."
What he receives in answer really sounds like a sob, this time.
"Sorry, sorry, Barnaby, I won't… I won't be able to make it today. I'm so sorry."
There are tears in her voice and Barnaby's heart leaps in his throat, all ideas of being late suddenly forgotten.
"Hey, hey, don't apologise, tell me how I can help. Do you need some medicine? Want me to call a doctor?"
A sniff.
"No, no, no, it's just… I…"
Barnaby pinches his lips, one step away from barging into the adjacent bathroom, grasping the first aid kit and breaking the toilet door. How does Kotetsu deal with this? One more minute like this and he'll be back to his horrendous habit of biting his nails.
"It's come", she finally croaks.
He almost answers back "what has?", then the dots connect, and he says, quite eloquently:
"Oh."
He lets go of the breath that had been stuck in his throat, strangely relieved. She's thirteen years old, turning fourteen in a couple of months. This is normal. This is not life shattering, and she'll be fine.
And immediately, the panic strikes again. He has no freaking clue how to deal with this.
"Don't worry, you can go without me!"
What.
"It defeats the whole point of a day together, don't you think?"
"I'm sorry, I won't… I don't know if… I don't think I will be able to go out today."
"Hey, everything's fine, you had me quite worried for a second there, but don't fret, we'll take it slow." He cannot prevent himself from rubbing at his temple. "What do you usually do on your first day?"
He is not going to be the lame dude overwhelmed by the mere idea of a menstrual cycle. He read about this. He knows women. Some women. Mainly trans women, or menstruated folks with whom he definitely doesn't talk about such things, granted.
Anyway, not the point. He's got this.
"What… What do you mean, what do I usually do?"
Her voice is shy, but she's talking now, so he dives in.
"I mean when it happens when you're at home, with your dad or your grandma. Are there things you cannot do, things that hurt, things that help?"
Do we have paracetamol in the medicine cabinet? he asks himself but doesn't dare leave the toilet door to go and check. He's pretty sure he bought a new box the previous week, when Kotetsu strained his shoulder during a high-speed chase with the water-powered and very slippery NEXT they captured. Knowing his partner and his infuriating habit to suffer alone and unaided, the wrapping must still be intact.
But is the medicine suited for children? What dosage is acceptable for a teen? How much does Kaede weigh? Is it something you can ask a thirteen-year-old?
Dear Lord. Barnaby's way out of his depth, here.
"I… It had never happened before."
Barnaby freezes. Ah, well, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"Oh", he says again, because it seems his mouth decided to commit not one but two treasons this morning.
"Well it's not the… first first, I think it came before, but it's never been… And I thought… But now it's… Well… You know."
He really doesn't, but assents all the same.
Dear Lord. If it's her first period, what should he do? What does she need? Will he have to talk to her and explain what's actually happening? She's got internet, she must know things, right? He's not even sure he knows exactly how cycles function… Don't they study this in high school? Would she be mad if he actually had to research it?
Darn, he's spiralling again.
But, being the hero that he is, Barnaby does not allow panic to settle in his heart and takes a deep breath to calm himself. He'd be absolutely useless panicked. He needs a clear head to deal with this.
He breathes out once. Looks at what he knows. Where he is.
No imminent or impeding danger. No one to push away from the site. Just a frightened child, on the other side of the door. A child he loves and needs to reassure.
He breathes in, out again, and reigns himself in.
A frightened child, he can deal with. He's a hero. That's his job.
"Okay, Kaede, everything's alright. Do you want your phone? Or do you want me to call someone for you? Your grandma? Kotetsu?"
"No! Don't call Dad!" she shouts.
Barnaby can't help it; he startles. As if feeling his surprise, Kaede explains: "He's great, he really is, but he'll overact, as always. And if I tell grandma, he'll hear."
He glances at the clock. Ten past nine. They probably arrived at the health centre a few minutes ago and are likely either queuing in line or already seated in a waiting room. Anju will definitely answer her phone with Kotetsu nearby. And if she picks up and Kotetsu hears that it's Kaede… Yes, they will both run straight to the flat, medical appointments be damned.
He hears her letting go of a heavy breath. Good, he thinks, she's trying to calm herself. He imitates her, discreetly, feeling like a total idiot.
"Do you want them to come back?" he asks, tentative, "because we can call them, it won't be a problem at all, you know."
"I know. And no, Grandma needs the tests, and I…"
She does not finish this sentence.
"Barnaby?"
Her voice is so hesitant, it's going to break his heart. There's a part of Barnaby who is just a hairbreadth away from shouting you can ask anything, Kaede, please don't hesitate, please don't be ashamed. What I don't know, I'll research. What I don't understand, I'll listen to.
"Yes, dear?" he says instead.
"I don't suppose you have… stuff?"
Stuff? What on earth is stuff?
"Sanitary protections?" he valiantly tries.
"... yes. That."
He doesn't. But he should. They should have prepared for this. Because he's ready to bet that Kotetsu didn't, all convinced he is that she's still so young, still his baby duck, his little cub, so far from adulthood… Well, one step into it, now, he thinks.
"I don't, but I can hop to the minimarket just downstairs, it won't even take ten minutes. Would you be okay staying here alone in the meantime?"
The shop actually is around the block, and it normally takes a little bit more than eight minutes to reach it on foot, but what Barnaby does not tell her is that it will effectively take him ten minutes for the round trip if he activates his power.
As far as he's concerned, this counts as an emergency. The sheer idea that Kaede did not pick up on the fact that he used the verb to hop is worrisome.
Ergo, emergency.
"... okay. I'm very sorry, Barnaby, I…"
"Hey, don't apologise, we should have seen this coming and bought some beforehand. I'm going to give you your phone, and you'll text me what products you want me to buy on the way, okay?"
He tries to make his voice sound as calming and comforting as he can. He isn't sure he succeeds. But Kaede doesn't call him out on it, so the façade must have held.
She's still sniffling in the toilets when he grabs his keys, his card, and skedaddles out of the flat with the distinctive impression to be fleeing the most important intervention of his life. He gets down the stairs four steps by four steps and runs straight into the door at the end of the staircase. Luckily, he's alone and there is no one to witness him crashing into the wood or, God help him, film it.
He's Barnaby Brooks Jr. He's a hero. He will ace this. He will not freak out because his partner's daughter is alone with him on her very first period.
He's BBJ. He's been crowned King of Heroes two years in a row, he's faced countless dangers and threats. He got held at gunpoint, set on fire, drowned, crushed by buildings.
He will not freak out.
He proceeds to freak out on the whole journey to the store. Almost texts Kotetsu three times, Nathan and Ryan twice and even Karina once. His phone finally beeps when the shopfront comes into view, and he breathes out. She sent him two pictures, each with a box of pads, clearly downloaded from an internet search a few minutes ago.
God bless this kid, he thinks; he only has to find the matching boxes in the store and will not need to tear his hair out trying to figure out which one to pick.
[To: Kaede.] Got it. Need anything else while I'm in there?
[To: Kaede.] Food, medicine?
The check mark lights green; she's read it. He puts his phone back in his jacket, enters the store, grabs a basket, and skilfully pretends he's completely at ease. Nothing unusual to see here. Just Barnaby Brooks Jr. doing his everyday shopping. Making a bee line to hygienic products.
He checks his phone. There are three moving dots under their conversation; she's writing. He stops in the middle of the aisle. Waits. A minute passes, then two. He's certain she's mortified, and hesitating, but he has no idea over what, and his imagination is failing him.
After another minute that actually feels like ten, he decides to resume his shopping.
He adds tissues and cookies to the basket, more to occupy his time and hands than anything else, then goes back to the pads. Fortunately, the brand she sent him appears to be quite common, for they are the second he notices on the shelf. Still no new message. He takes four different types. It never hurts to have choices, right?
"Good morning, Mister!"
Oh, crap. The staff knows him and they usually leave him the hell alone. He heard two employees chatting under their breath when he barged… well, calmy entered the store, but ignored them. He's used to people noticing him and interfering with his everyday life, but now is definitely not the time.
He should have grabbed the hideous, ridiculous but very effective baseball hat Kotetsu got him, and put his hair in a ponytail, and put on a sweater, and…
He turns to the young woman, "Katie, she/her" according to her nametag, trying to appear busy and polite and not-at-all like he wants to tell her please leave me be my kid's got her first period, she's alone and I have no idea what I'm doing.
He hopes his face convey the sentiment. Well, not such a good morning to you, Katie she/her, he thinks, petulantly, and immediately regrets his childishness. He's better than that, for crying out loud. And the poor girl is not responsible for his total lack of knowledge in the field, his fear to be an inconvenience or his terror of disappointing both Kaede and Kotetsu. He's the one who should be better. Who should have known. Should have prepared.
"May I recommend you some of our products to complete your basket? I don't know if you've seen it, but we're making a very cool discount on hot water bottles!"
He blinks, too surprised to say anything. Why would she try to sell him hot water bottles?! How on earth do hot water bottles complete a basket full of sanitary pads, cookies, and tissues? He summons all his PR training and manages to sound confused and nice and not at all like he wants to rip all his hair out and run straight to Kotetsu and Anju tail between his legs when he asks:
"I'm sorry, hot water bottles?"
The smile he gets is very strange, and very unusual. He'd be completely incapable to say if it's compassion, amusement, pity or a bit of the three shining in her eyes. It only lasts for a second, though; the next instant, the nice and approachable mimic that seems delivered with the sales assistant's position is back on her face.
"Yes, a very special offer! It's a pack, it comes with an herbal tea, a blend made specifically for these situations. Well, personally, I still prefer plain chamomile or peppermint, but with cramps, you need to try to know what works on you! Anyway, I'll leave you to check it out for yourself, but don't hesitate to ask us if you need help!"
And just like that, she's gone.
He blinks again. Goes back mentally over his entrance in the store.
Mh. Well. Maybe he had not been that subtle.
This young woman saw Barnaby Brooks Jr. running into the shop, clearly distressed, head straight to the hygienic product aisle, then proceed to wander aimlessly around the store, frantically checking his phone, with nothing in his basket except period pads, a tissue box and a pack of cookies… yes, okay, maybe it was a bit obvious that he's way out of his league here.
He sighs. Kaede still hasn't answered, but the dots are still moving.
Oh for love's sake, he thinks, just say it, Kaede!
He goes to check the hot water bottles, finds that there is, indeed, some sort of discount for one of them, a kind of ugly, stuffed thing, probably made to look like a sheep. Except that it's pink. And strangely squared-shaped. It resembles a sheep the same way a MadBear resembles a bear. Intellectually, maybe. Because the labels states it. He seizes it, gauges it with scepticism and ponders for a while over the state of the economics and the English language.
He's somewhere at "what part of the signified stands in the signifier if the sheep never was a sheep" when the message comes. The vibration makes him jump and he nearly drops the squared-shaped plushie. After thirty seconds of tossing and bouncing the thing between his hands in the worst game of hot potato played in Stern Bild, he manages to balance it in his arms, and breathes out loudly.
What a mess.
He's a mess.
And oh, how Kotetsu would gloat and coo if he could see him, right now.
Barnaby's glad he cannot. And he's glad the store is mainly deserted, because if anyone had captured this on camera… Let's just say that his reputation as a fearless hero would be dangerously questioned. The great and confident BBJ. Shaken up by a text alert.
He takes one last second to tuck the hot water bottle in his elbow and make sure it won't fall before fishing out his phone.
[From: Kaede] Do you know if Dad's got some medicine?
He's sure this is not what she really wanted to ask. Damn.
[To: Kaede] Do you mean painkillers?
No answer. He adds:
[To: Kaede] I'm buying some more to be sure.
[To: Kaede] Are you alright? I'm almost done here.
She reads his messages, he can see it.
[From: Kaede] Yes, I am, and sorry again.
[To: Kaede] Don't be. I'll be back asap.
He puts the ugly sheep in his basket, then proceeds to go around the entirety of the store one last time to grab a few useful things.
He comes back to Kotetsu's flat ten minutes later, eyes glowing blue, with three bags of groceries and two sachets of her favourite candies.
When Kaede finally emerges from the bathroom, nearly half an hour later, her face is so flushed Barnaby's worried she caught something on top of everything.
"Hey there", he smiles. "How do you feel?"
She joins him on the couch, where Barnaby piled up all the blankets and pillows he found in Kotetsu's closets, her phone tightly clasped in her hand, and sits so straight he wonders for a second if she also hurt her back. He quickly closes the fifteen different tabs he managed to open on his phone over the past quarter of an hour after his call to the treetop course centre and puts the device down. No need for her to know he's been freaking out again.
She looks very pink. Is it really just embarrassment? Barnaby does not dare put his hand on her forehead to take her temperature.
"I…" she hesitates. "Weird", she admits, burring herself under a tartan plaid so that only her toes are sticking out, "I feel weird".
"Do you… want to talk about it?" he risks, heart pounding, memories of articles turning over in his mind like the worst kebab of information known to man.
She gains a new shade of crimson, shakes her head.
"Do you at least… er… know what's happening? Do you need… Do you want me to explain some things to you?"
Her face actually disappears beneath the blanket.
"I'm good, Barnaby. I have internet, you know", she mumbles.
"Okay", he says, feeling like a total idiot.
The silence stretches. Barnaby looks at his phone, locked, on the couch cushion. Kaede stares at her animal-themed socks like it's the most interesting thing in the world. It's monkeys, today. He's sure she chose them specially for the tree-top course, and his heart clenches.
She looks so young, hunched over herself like this. And ill-at-ease.
Barnaby's never felt uncomfortable in her presence before, he's pretty sure she didn't either, and if it's up to him, it's not going to start now.
"Do you want to eat something? Drink something?"
"I'm… not really hungry."
And she had breakfast not an hour ago. Well done, Barnaby Brooks Jr. Other great ideas while you're at it?
"Not even a tea?"
She raises her head from the plaid.
"A tea sounds good."
Barnaby rushes to the kitchen. Tea. Here comes a good idea; tea. And he even got new blends, made specifically.
He's a genius. Tea.
He comes back with two steaming mugs and finds Kaede still rolled up on a plaid, but with a tissue balled up in her right hand and her phone open on a mini game in her left.
"Careful, it's still hot", he warns when he sits down again, putting the cups on the coffee table.
She thanks him quietly, opens her mouth, and closes it. Pink is back on her cheeks and she's hesitating, again. But this time, Barnaby is determined not to let her wallow in embarrassment.
He can't let her add discomfort to her already stressful state. He's used to blood, dire situations, and all the kind of things a body can do while in panic or in shock. It's part of being a hero, surely, but it's also part of being alive, of being able to help, of being here at the least glorious moments, so that the next glorious ones will continue to exist.
They've known each other for four years now. He needs her to know she can rely on him, even sick, even in pain, even angry, sad, or afraid. He won't flee, won't laugh, and he won't think less of her. Never.
"Kaede…" he starts.
"I'm sorry about the treetop adventure course", she blurts, cutting him off, "I know you wanted to try it, and we made reservations, and it's gonna cost you so much, I'm sorry."
Her eyes are beginning to shine. The moment she realises how close she is to crying, she bites her lips, sniffles, and manages with a grimace and a shaking breath to reign herself in. It'd be impressing were it not so heart-breaking and so similar to what Kotetsu does in similar circumstances. The only notable difference is the lack of a self-depreciating joke on Kaede's part.
"Do not even worry about the treetop course", Barnaby says, "I called them earlier and it was absolutely not a problem."
"But the money…"
"Isn't a problem, Kaede. And what's more, they asked if we wanted to cancel or to postpone, and I said postpone, so we'll definitely have another opportunity to ape up the trees together."
She sniffles, and swallows so heavily he can hear her gulp.
"But... It was important to you, and I…"
"You're important to me", he corrects, firmly but gently, "Not the trees."
For a moment, he's sure she's going to answer, to argue. He watches her jaw clench and unclench, the tissue in her right hand ruffle, and her mouth wince. But after a minute, she only nods, and reaches out in silence for her steaming tea.
"I almost forgot", Barnaby says, "I got you something else from the store."
There is a spark of curiosity on her eyes when he rises, still frail underneath the embarrassment, but he counts this as a win.
He comes back a few minutes later with the hot water bottle filled halfway up. He has to admit, just holding the thing feels nice; it's soft, warm, and the weight of the added water makes the belly of the so-called-sheep look strangely round and cute, in its very own, bizarre way.
"What is this?" Kaede asks, looking at the plushie like it's the weirdest thing Barnaby ever gave her. Which, granted, it probably is.
"It's a hot water bottle. I think it's supposed to look like a sheep."
"Oh."
"You can say that it's ugly, you know, 'cause it definitely is."
She smiles, a bit shyly, but it's there.
"I wouldn't have said 'ugly'. But I'm not sure it really is a sheep. It looks a bit like a mix between a cartoon dog and a baby hare."
Barnaby scoffs, and hands it to her.
"It does, doesn't it?"
"Oh, it's warm!" she exclaims when her fingers actually touch the synthetic fur, and her gaze meets Barnaby's.
"Yes, I poured the water that was left from our tea in it. Be careful not to joggle it too much, though, I don't want you to burn yourself."
Her hand has begun caressing the plushie's head absentmindedly, and suddenly, Barnaby is struck by the realisation that even if she's well-spoken, cheeky and responsible, Kaede is still definitely a child.
"It might help with the cramps."
Her forefinger traces the shape of the sheep's big sparkly eyes, and he adds: "The warmth, I mean, not the weird face."
Kaede scoffs. Tears have completely retreated from her eyes now, and she gently places the sheep on her belly.
"You know what? I think both will help. Thank you, Barnaby."
This time, he cannot stop his hand and ends up squeezing her shoulder.
"What would you say to kicking my ass at board games instead? I discovered quite a few boxes when I rummaged through your father's closets."
"I'd say I'd hope you didn't find all his special Hero TV editions from Legend's time."
"I didn't find anything else."
"Of course you didn't."
The morning goes like this, with the two of them playing board games on Kotetsu's living room, Kaede on the couch rolled up like a human burrito in her tartan plaid, the ugly-pink-sheep strongly held against her stomach.
The image shakes something in Barnaby, makes his heart clench. He does not understand why.
She tries three different infusions, declares the first "the foulest thing ever made from leaves", the second "a spinach-brew", and the last one only grants a non-committal pout. He tastes each one with her, and agrees on the two first sentiments, but actually likes the last. By midday, their two mugs stand abandoned on the counter, and a timid smile appears on Kaede's face when he jokes about the irony of his non-existing dexterity with "Tumblin Civilians".
A minute and another attempt at a joke later, she laughs.
Stupidly, Barnaby has never felt more proud of himself.
The afternoon is more tricky. A close-call makes her paranoid and she refuses to sit on anything that has not been towel-protected first. Barnaby, unsure on how to tell her that blood does go off this couch easily, and that he knows it from first-hand experience from bleeding out on Kotetsu's lap after a nasty blow from the corner of the kitchen cabinet's door, humours her. But by 3PM, her cramps prevent her from concentrating on any sort of game, she's getting cranky, annoyed and she's got ants in her pants. Figuratively.
At least he hopes it's still figurative.
They're in the middle of a Monopoly game when she suddenly runs off to the toilet. Ten minutes pass. He hears sniffles and hiccups, then the flush, and the water running for two more minutes.
She smells heavily like the lavender soap they store in the hand dispenser when she comes back.
"When did you take your last paracetamol?" he asks, tentative.
"With the second gross tea."
So, nearly ten.
"It's been more than five hours. You're clear to take another one, if you need."
She obeys without a word. She's looking pale. When did she last eat? She nibbled through the sandwich they had prepared for lunch, but has not touched anything else since, at least that Barnaby knows about. For the umpteenth time today, he wonders if he should break his promise to her and call Kotetsu.
"Do you want to try to sleep it off?"
She shakes her head and bites her lips. Is she trying to be nice, because it's him? If it were her father with her, would she be more sincere, allow herself to be irritated, in pain?
"What do you feel like doing?" he asks instead.
"I… have no idea. The nausea's passed, at least. But I'm not sure I can finish this up."
God, she sounds miserable. It takes Barnaby an awful long time to understands that she's talking about the Monopoly game.
"My properties will thank you. You were robbing me blind, there", he tries to joke. She only answers with the ghost of a smile, and comes back on the couch with the precaution of a heavily wounded soldier, her hands holding her stomach like it's going to pop out of her belly any second.
Is this normal? Should he call Kotetsu? Anju? A doctor? Barnaby feels on the verge of panic.
"I'm really sorry for ruining our day together", she mumbles, once more.
He takes her hand in his. Her palm is clammy, warm, and slightly trembling. He adds his second one, rubs at her knuckles, and tries and fail to meet her eyes. She's determined to keep looking at her knees.
"Kaede."
Her mouth does something complicated that Barnaby knows a bit too-well by now, both from her and her father. It's the pout that indicates that tears are not far and that they hate themselves for it.
"You didn't ruin anything, love. I'm here to take care of you, and you're allowed to feel like shit some days, okay? Especially on your period."
He does not know what finally does it, what becomes the final straw; the endearment that completely escaped him, his weird hand-rubbing, or the curse, also quite unusual for him, but either way, her face crumbles. She nods frantically, tries to sweep her eyes, but the tears are coming quicker than she can wipe them.
Barnaby, not knowing what else to do, squeezes her hand.
"So-sorry", she mumbles again, between hiccups, "I'm sad, I'm disappointed in everything and it feels so weird".
"Come here", he offers, awkwardly, putting his elbow on the back of the couch, hoping she will understand the invitation, because how else do you ask a teenager to hug you?
Miraculously, she does understand, and her face ends up squashed between his chest and the couch. There is no way the position is comfortable, but once she's settled, she does not move and Barnaby does not dare either.
"And stop apologising, you've done nothing wrong, you're getting older, things change, it's not your fault."
"But the treetop course…" he hears, muffled by his shirt and the cushions.
"Again, it'll wait for us", he interrupts, final. "Trees aren't going to disappear overnight, and we'll have plenty of other opportunities."
"Still", she sniffles, finally moving and blindly grasping a tissue from the coffee table. She all but buries her face in it. "I ruined your day, and now you're bored, and I'm lame, and it sucks", she croaks, suddenly overwhelmed by sobs again.
"Kaede, no", Barnaby whispers, his hand leaving hers to cradle her head. Her hair is soft and a bit tangled up. "You're not here to entertain me. You're here to just be you, and there are days when you're down, and that's alright. I just wish I knew what to do to help you, relieve the pain a bit, at least."
He turns more firmly towards her, gently guides her head back on his shoulder, but keeps his fingers in the brown strands. Finally, she surrenders, and her arms snake around his middle, squeezing tight. Barnaby's shirt is getting damp, but he couldn't care less.
On the coffee table, the Monopoly stands abandoned, Barnaby's properties ejected from the board by Kaede's previous reach for a tissue. He looks at them and tries to will his heart to stop hammering in his ribcage.
Kaede is still crying. He holds her long after the tears stop. None of them mention it.
The texts from Kotetsu come at six PM.
[From: Kotetsu] Mom and I are done! Heading to the movies now!
[From: Kotetsu] Everything alright with my two flying monkeys? 🐒
"What should we answer him?" Barnaby asks Kaede, who retreated to the bundle of plaids and towels at the end of the couch an hour ago and hasn't moved since, tapping on her phone. She's snickering and smiling from time to time, so he guesses she must be texting Saroja the whole affair.
He hopes she's not telling her how lame he's been. Or at least that Saroja won't babble too much about it to their classmates. It really would be bad for his image if it were to be known that Barnaby Brooks Jr. cannot deal with menstrual cycles. It's a bit of a disgrace, for a man like him.
Realistically, he knows they wouldn't, but living with a kid, it seems, dives into your insecurities.
The TV is playing in the background, re-enacting some shows none of them pay attention to. It manages both to calm and distract Barnaby, who had been gathering information on endometriosis on his phone for the past hour and skilfully pretending to play Scrabble in the meantime. He landed here by accident, led into the rabbit hole that was typing "how to help someone on their period" on a search engine.
"Tell him I said 'Barnaby's amazing'", Kaede answers without looking up.
"I've never even tried tree-climbing. I doubt this would be true." He goes up, ready to pour himself another tea. "Still no idea for a three-letters word with a J?"
"If you still can't do 'BBJ', then no. And I'm sure you'd be very good at treetop courses. But I'm not talking about our failed attempt, I'm talking about today."
Halfway into pouring himself another cup of the "spinach brew" that isn't so bad after all, Barnaby freezes. Flushes. Looks at her silhouette from over the counter. Did she just…? Next time she raises her head, she levels an eyebrow at him, knowing perfectly what she said and what it implies.
Barnaby cannot, for the life of him, stop his surprised smile. And he knows it's not the type of smile that make his face look seductive or attractive. It's the type of shit-eating grin that makes him look like a total idiot. But he cannot stop. So, instead, he drops his gaze down to the kettle and tries to hide the fact that he's probably also blushing.
Was that what Kotetsu felt, the day she claimed he was the coolest dad?
Did he also had to deal with a fluttering heart, flushing cheeks, and the strange feeling of having accomplished something huge, something world-shattering?
How did Kotetsu cope?
Barnaby ends up overflowing his mug and burning his fingers.
When he comes back to the Scrabble, he enters "JOY".
[To: Kotetsu] She says to tell you that I'm amazing.
[From: Kotetsu] Urgh, of course you'd be perfect at tree coursing as well 💖
Barnaby laughs. But before he can think of anything to answer, another text comes in:
[From: Kotetsu] Well, drive safe on the road back! I'm putting my phone on silent, the movie's about to begin! 😃 ️
[From: Kotetsu] Love you both! 💚
[To: Kotetsu] We love you, too. Enjoy your movie, old man.
They end up ordering pizzas for supper. Kaede has finally gotten her appetite back and Barnaby would have been ready to let her order anything at all if it meant seeing her face gain up some colours again.
But the day, however quiet it had been, seems to have taken its toll on her; at quarter past eight, the now empty pizza boxes abandoned on the table, she begins dozing off on the couch, in front of a musical she can quote by heart but still wanted to make him watch.
By half eight, she's sound asleep.
Barnaby finishes cleaning up in the kitchen, lowers the sound of the TV and considers for a moment carrying her directly to her bed, but stops himself short. He feels he would be crossing a line, in some ways.
At nine, he grabs his phone.
[To: Kotetsu] Have you noticed yet that you forgot your keys again?
[From: Kotetsu] I didn't! They're in my bag!
Thirty seconds pass.
[From: Kotetsu] … ah. Or maybe in my overcoat.
[To: Kotetsu] Unbelievable. Can you please not ring the bell? Kaede's asleep.
[From: Kotetsu] Trees tired her out? 😂🌳
[To: Kotetsu] Not the trees, no. I'll tell you when you're back.
[From: Kotetsu] Everything ok? Is she alright?
He snaps a picture of Kaede, rolled up on the couch, sleeping soundly.
[To: Kotetsu] [📷 Picture]
[To: Kotetsu] Behold, Wild Tiger, your mighty cub.
[From: Kotetsu] AWWWWW 😻😻💕
[From: Kotetsu] Mom says she wants the pic, can you transfer it to her?
Barnaby does.
Ten minutes later, Kaede wakes up by herself and disappears for twenty minutes in the bathroom. He hears the shower running, then some badly covered curses about Kotetsu's storage system, which he can only agree on. When she comes out, Barnaby has found himself on the couch again, really playing Scrabble this time, gently dozing off as well.
"Off to bed?" he asks when he spots her. She nods. She's wearing her tiger-themed PJs and has put her hair in a strange braid for the night. Kotetsu is right; she does look cute like this. And maybe a bit less than thirteen, but he's certainly not going to tell her that.
"You should go, too. You look pretty tired."
He smiles, rubs a hand against his forehead.
"I will, soon. But first I need another tea."
"It has to be, like, your seventh of the day! How do you manage to put so many plants in your body?"
"I have to live up to my plant-eater reputation", he says before even thinking about it. Judging by Kaede's amused face, she knows it too. "Don't tell your father I said that."
"I won't", she lies. He knows it's a lie because she's smiling way too much and there is this spark in her eyes that says it's going to come back to bite him in the worst possible time.
The fact that she feels good enough to tease him is so comforting Barnaby cannot really regret his words. Yet.
"Good night, Barnaby", she says, and when she comes around the couch, he finally notices the hot water bottle she's holding against her stomach, with a towel she must have dug from her father's messy closet. All things considered, the sheep's almost cute. At least, the way she cradles it is.
"Good night to you too", he answers back, suddenly feeling warm and fond. Some of it must slip from his voice, because Kaede stops just before getting out of the living room. Barnaby frowns. Is she okay? Was his affection inappropriate? Does she need another painkiller? Another tea? He's halfway up when she turns back.
There is determination in her eyes, and her cheeks are so pink they match the sheep-plushie.
The next instant, she's taken four steps ahead and found herself standing just behind him on the couch.
Barnaby turns around, one elbow on the backrest.
"Is everything alr-…"
She takes a final step, bends down. And kisses his cheek. It's quick, a bit clumsy, landing mostly on his jaw, just underneath his ear, but Barnaby's heart nearly stops.
He doesn't even have time to say anything before she turns heels and disappears in the corridor with quick strides. A few seconds later, he hears the door to her room closing, and the switch going off.
Barnaby blinks, tears in his eyes, heart in his throat, and swears never to mock Kotetsu again for his sappiness with his daughter.
He spends the next half hour trying and failing to get his emotions in order.
He's terrified. Terrified just like he had been the night he finally asked Kotetsu if he could kiss him, terrified like he's standing at the edge of a precipice. He's terrified of what it actually means, that Kaede is warming up to him so much that she feels comfortable enough with such displays of affection, displays he only saw her give her father some rare times she felt like it.
Because, deep down, Barnaby knows that something is changing between them. She allowed him to see her vulnerable today and he's slowly taking a place in her life he's not sure he's allowed to fill. He's scared he's going to get pushed over, rejected, for trying to be something he's not allowed to become.
But oh, how he wants it.
How he wants to be able to watch her grow, to help her, guide her, reassure her, and just be there to see who she's slowly becoming.
Maybe he should talk to Kotetsu about it.
But first, he's going to need another tea.
A gentle knocking on the door is what actually shake him up from his thoughts. He rises from the couch, quietly checks through Kaede's door that she's still sound asleep and goes to greet Kotetsu and Anju back.
"Hello, Mrs Kaburagi", he whispers when the two of them are inside the flat, so troubled by his earlier considerations that he goes back to her last name.
"Barnaby. It's been years. Why are you back to such formalities, now?"
"Bunny!" Kotetsu cuts Barnaby's apology short. "Is our little monkey still out?"
Barnaby forces himself not to overinterpret the possessive. But after his last half hour of introspection and panicking, it is very hard not to read something into it.
Kotetsu all but throws his jacket on the couch, misses, and graces his partner's eye roll with a quick peck on the lips. It's infuriating that it actually works to help Barnaby forgive him.
"Yeah, like a light. She fell asleep on the couch and went to bed an hour ago. I hope everything went well this morning?"
Anju hums her agreement, already three steps into the kitchen, making herself some tea.
"Oh, you've purchased new infusions?" she notes, grabbing the peppermint bag that he left on the counter. He can spot the moment she notices the other three new boxes and reads their names.
"Yes, this morning, for Kaede. The clerk recommended it."
There's something in Anju's eyes, telling Barnaby that she somehow already guessed everything. On a simple tea box. Are mothers (and grandmothers, by extension) really that powerful? Is this a gendered thing, a parent thing, or an Anju-thing?
Kotetsu, on the other hand, true to himself, remains entirely oblivious.
"So! Tell us everything, Bunny! How was it?"
He hesitates, unsure on how to explain the very strange day they both lived.
"They didn't go. Did you?" Anju asks, and Barnaby drops his eyes to the floor.
"No, we didn't", he confirms.
"What? But why?! What happened?"
Kotetsu, predicably, sounds concerned.
"She'd gotten her period this morning, so we decided to rest today and postpone our little expedition."
Both Kaburagis stop. Anju, with the kettle in her right hand, and Kotetsu, his arm halfway to the fridge. Surprise appears on both their faces, and Barnaby, stupidly, cannot help but think that they look a lot alike. Kotetsu's got his mother's nose, chin, and eyes shape, and surprise has a way to highlight those similarities.
Will Kotetsu keep looking like her with age? he wonders. Is it strange if Barnaby hopes and wishes he'll be here to watch time carve new lines and similarities on his face?
"What?!" Kotetsu nearly shouts the moment his brain manages to catch up with his mouth.
"Shhht", he immediately scolds, and grabs his partner's arm before he can barge into his sleeping daughter's room. "She's fine. You're going to wake her up".
Kotetsu opens his mouth, probably to add something stupid along the lines of "but I need to make sure she really is", as if her uterus could somehow come alive and eat her whole in her sleep, and Barnaby interrupts: "By the way, your daughter's nearly fourteen, how come you didn't have any hygienic product in your flat?"
Kotetsu gasps, but stops. Opens his mouth once, twice, but nothing comes.
"Have you eaten?" he asks Anju instead, because Kotetsu is completely useless now, babbling on like a waterless fish and nearly panicking. Barnaby knows from experience that it's best to let him spiral himself to reason. "Do you want anything to eat, to drink?"
"We picked up some fries on the way, thank you. But do you have some of this quatre-quarts cake you made left? I admit I'd like to end up on a sweet note."
On the other side of the kitchen, Kotetsu's braincells seem to be done with their update.
"She's had her period?!", he says with the same tone as if he'd just heard she had grown a second head.
"Yes, Kotetsu, and keep your voice down, she's sleeping!"
"Why didn't you text us?!"
"Because she asked me not to."
"We would've left imme- wait, what? Why?! We would've dropped everything and came home!"
"Yeah, that's precisely what she didn't want."
"Calm down, son", Anju scolds him, side-eyeing the tea boxes on the counter. "She's fine. Barnaby took good care of her, it seems."
He flushes pink. He's not sure one could describe what he did today as taking good care of her, but he tried to make her comfortable, at least.
"We played board games, watched some TV. I just made sure she ate, drank, and took some painkillers every six hours when she needed."
"She needed painkillers?!"
"Oh my God, Kotetsu, please stop freaking out! Yes, I gave her painkillers, I wasn't going to let her suffer from cramps, and I monitored the doses."
Kotetsu drops on the couch, head in hands, looking way older than he really is. He's sobering up from the frenzied panic. The spiral's end is near.
"Fuck, she's really growing, isn't she?"
Anju and Barnaby share a look behind his back.
"Yes, son, she is. Does not mean she'll stop needing you."
Kotetsu whines. His tone is getting more hysterical by the minute and the quantity of Japanese curses Barnaby cannot really understand but definitely identifies is getting worrisome.
"She's had her period. Her period. My baby's slowly becoming an adult. What am I gonna do?"
"You're going to be there for her", Barnaby simply puts, bringing his partner a slice of pound cake. Kotetsu takes it absentmindedly, but his eyes raise from his knees to Barnaby.
"It's a big step", he whispers, "and once again, I wasn't there."
"You'll be here tomorrow", Barnaby retorts, letting their legs touch, "as far as I know, she'll still be on her period tomorrow."
Anju takes place on Kotetsu's other side.
"And what's more, Barnaby was there."
Barnaby reaches out, and squeezes Kotetsu's knee.
"Sorry", he mumbles, "I freaked out a bit, there."
"Yeah, a bit. But if it can reassure you, I freaked out too this morning."
Finally, Kotetsu reaches back, lets his hand unclench. Barnaby raises his palm without a word, and Kotetsu intertwines their fingers.
"So, what if you told us about your day, then?" Anju asks.
Barnaby does.
When he's finished, the cake is completely done and both Kaburagis look at him with strange eyes he cannot quite place. On Kotetsu, it looks a bit like wonder, admiration and sadness mixed up together, but on Anju, he's not sure. She looks as if she somehow understood something profound about the universe. Listening to Barnaby explaining the rules of Tumblin Civilians.
He only hopes none of them is going to tell him he crossed some lines, there.
"She did say you were a great dad, you know", Barnaby reveals, because how could he not, when it makes Kotetsu look like this and that he now has a faint idea of what it might feel like.
"You are, son", Anju chirps in. "But you need to buy pads now. Can't have your daughter coming to your home and not finding what she needs", she scolds, not without fondness, a fresh teacup in her hands, seemingly nonplussed by the whole affair. Raising Kotetsu, it would seem, has a way of getting you to get a grip on your nerves.
"But maybe let her buy what she likes", Barnaby adds, already knowing Kotetsu' habit to overdo things.
"I bought one." he mumbles.
"What?"
"A box. A few months ago. It's under the kitchen sink."
"Why on earth would you keep some sanitary pads under the kitchen sink?"
No wonder he didn't find it.
A few minutes later, when Anju excuses herself to a trip to the bathroom, Kotetsu turns towards him and softly kisses his lips. He tastes like salt and sugar at the same time, and the mix brings a smile to Barnaby's own lips. It breaks the kiss, but doesn't make Kotetsu draw back.
There's a hand gently caressing his jaw, and his heart melts.
Oh, how Barnaby loves when he's tender and soft like this. Lately, those moments have been multiplying and if he's not sure what is triggering them, he's cherishing them all the same.
"I'm glad she was with you, you know", he whispers, quietly, like it's an admission of some sort.
Barnaby offers him a tiny smile. He understands. This is Kotetsu realising that his absence had not been a failing on his part, because his partner had been here.
And strangely, even considering how daunting and terrifying the whole day had been… Barnaby's glad, too.