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Harry

Merlin bloody hell. I had thought nothing made me ready for the sight of a real cane stripe? Nothing made me ready for the feel of just the start of some of those dark, twisted fantasies I had. It was the kind of thing that I had always thought myself too shy to take, you know? There were basic truths in my life. I didn't like decisions because they stressed me out. I didn't argue back with anyone and was a pacifist because assertiveness was too much effort for things I didn't care that much about. Even being Ginny's boyfriend I had been the more submissive, had been the quiet one. She had been the one who took over the finances, who could do what she liked, whatever she liked. In fact, I had been, apparently, too submissive, too distant. I hadn't meant it that way, but connection wasn't my strong suit. I was just a born introvert and I didn't do things like take the lead for Valentine's Day or anything like that. So I for damn sure didn't expect to take over in the bedroom, even if I had fantasized about it for most of my life. It was one of those dualities that you just reconciled as an impossibility, you know? It felt like a fact of life that if I wasn't an aggressor, then the love interest who took to me wouldn't be interested in me taking the aggressor role in bed. Besides that, I hadn't tried it and hadn't practiced it or anything, had only fantasized about all of it.

Daphne didn't let me think about any of those things. No, Daphne whined up against my mouth with such visceral desperation that even I couldn't have questions. It wasn't just reassuring. It was arousing as all hell. I didn't wonder things like if I was doing the wrong thing or if she liked it. She told me what to do and reacted to let me know that she loved it. And the way she was writhing on my lap between my hands where she had placed them in her hair and on her throat? She had to know I was hard because... I had never been this hard.

"Yes! Please, yes, yes, yes! Choke me harder?"

I answered her by pressing my lips back to hers... and by squeezing her throat, gasping into her kiss. Like I said, nothing makes you really ready for what it actually feels like. There was so much and I didn't want to miss a thing. This was all of the start of my fantasies that I had never expected to get to experience. For a start, she made this soft involuntary struggle in my arms while she also made this short gasping attempt to take more air. I wasn't choking her that hard, so she could absolutely do that but it was the basic, small threat of suffocation that seemed to make her do it. What was more, her whole body shivered with the reaction to it and it was fascinating.

I tugged her hair where she had placed it, the lightest pain, and she whined, writhing with sexual need before she managed to get herself back under control. It made me all the more hot. You know how everyone you meet every single day is so fucking nice all the time, how it's almost infuriating because you know it has to be fucking bullshit? It's like there's this veneer between every other human following the rules of society and their animal side and you know it's there but you can't do a damn thing about it?

Pulling Daphne's hair to make her cry out in feral desperation before she could think straight enough felt like ripping that sheet away from her and seeing that secret side of her that took the pictures she had posted and that craved to feel all the humiliating, twisted things I had seen her take part in. It was an addiction and it wasn't even like I was doing this hardcore shit, you know? I had some wild fantasies from where I had read so much dark content but, for the moment and with her whimpering in my lap, it didn't even take all of that to get me hooked on the kinky stuff. Hell, I had been hooked on it since her fucking pictures and it seemed asinine to pretend otherwise.

I stroked my hand around her throat, feeling the delicate vein there that pulsed with her excitement, and felt this thrill that I hadn't actually considered before, one that realized how easy it would be to seriously harm her. That vein was right there, pumping her life's blood, right under my thumb and I could feel how it fluttered wildly. I noticed that kind of thing too. I had fantasized for so fucking long and none of it was taken for granted for me. It was the kind of moment where I adored and got lost in every last second. I pressed my thumb against the front of her throat, caressing the side to experiment, and the action made her pull away and cough, choking.

I went to apologize, but I didn't even get the words out before she squealed and begged. "Yes!" She coughed again, staring at me. "Please, yes! More, God, please?"

Her begging was the kind of thing that could do me in, too. "Fuck, Daphne." I managed to say that before I locked my lips back to hers, only because I had to express some kind of shocked pleasure, some kind of gratitude to her. She shivered and whimpered in more of her sensual desperation, twisting on my lap, drinking in my kiss. I don't think I'd ever known anything as hot as Daphne's kiss. I moaned into her and then pressed my thumb again because I couldn't help it and she made it so easy.

This time, she choked and I controlled her with the hand she had placed in her hair. I was far enough gone that I held her to my lips and made her stay put and holy fucking God. It was the kind of thing that made me nervous while I was doing it even if I had seen her fetish page, but I would never regret it. She choked into my mouth, then made this hoarse squeal of ecstasy while I tasted it. Her cry of lust at that one touch was so like an inferno with its heat that I only realized after a few seconds that she was writhing on my lap harder than she had been. I held her tighter by some instinct, letting her pull away to cry out a shocked, "Oh my God, please!"

I looked down only because I felt her touch on my thigh and watched while she clasped herself between her legs, her head tilted back and her eyes fluttered closed. She seemed so close and I remember thinking that I really liked Daphne and that I wanted her to love it and I didn't want to ever really hurt her so bad, no matter how messed up I thought my fantasies were, but I had seen a little of what she liked...

I pulled her hair a little harder and it worked. She cried out this sound I'd never forget, a sexual yelp, and she threw her head back so that her tits were in my face, and Daphne has these fucking large tits for her size, the kind that makes you salivate with the thought of fucking them. Which was definitely the first thing I thought about while she rode her palm, while my harder jerk of her hair seemed to be enough.

She came, the sort of orgasm that wasn't mistakable for anything else, that made you look into her eyes to watch it, and it was another thing I'd never forget. It was the thing that made me pretty damned involved with Daphne afterwards. "Oh, my Merlin." She whimpered it even before she managed to focus back on me. "Oh, my Merlin." She finally looked at me, her face flushed.

I blushed, lowering my hand from her throat to her side. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to be so-"

She cut me off by throwing her arms around my neck and kissing me again, this frantic, ecstatic kiss that made me blink before I closed my eyes and hesitantly stroked her side with my thumb. But then she pulled back away and her cheeks still had these beautiful spots from adrenaline response, although her eyes were a little more tame. "That was amazing! Like so fucking amazing!"

I grinned shyly. "Yeah?"

"Yes! I mean, I-!" She seemed to have to work to focus and I was still horny, don't get me wrong, but she distracted me from even that with the sudden thought that maybe I could have even more than this. Maybe I could have even some of my darker pain thoughts. Because she asked in this tentative voice, "Um, do you mind talking with me about the book?" And she was clever with asking, leaving it up to me like that at just the right time. I hesitated even after what had just happened because it was just the kind of thing that I had gotten so used to hiding. It was that filthy secret that you never told, ever, especially the part I was into. We lived in a day and age where male domination just felt discouraged. I went to tell her... and it still froze in my throat, but this was Daphne Greengrass, the demon who could make even me comfortable. She worked more magic with a playful smile. "You were right. It has great... world building."

I couldn't stop the laugh, not when she was so close to me, not when she seemed to fit so well. She snuggled into my chest, making these soft little sounds, and it actually took me a second to realize that she was kissing up my collarbone, overtop my T-shirt. It just wasn't what I expected after what had happened. "Thank you for telling me about it. Thank you for playing with me like that because I really loved it."

I finally managed to talk with her, even if it made me feel shy. "I did, too." And I hesitantly lifted my hand before I stroked her hair because I wasn't sure what I was doing. But I had read a fair few stories and there was this mood. Daphne affirmed my thoughts with a nuzzle against my palm and this joyful purr of a sound that made me feel pleasure too, which was something else I didn't expect.

And I didn't realize it then, but Daphne had decided to start training me and that was how she started. That night. And it was a magical night too. More magical than all the lessons learned from Hogwarts

But I still would like to contend that all I did was give her a book. Orgasming in my lap is, like, nine times what that's worth in steps of who initiated everything.

—

Daphne

Hey! It was a kinky ass book and it counts as steps when he definitely intended it as a red flag.

The next part was all me, though, that's true. I'm saying it before he can make the accusation, but I had reasons!

See, I couldn't let him just leave after that. I knew that. I knew that because then he'd get social anxiety, especially if he'd been having fantasies for a while, and we needed to be rid of that anxiety right then. I thought through a lot of things while he held me in his lap, while I nuzzled his chest, wondering how to go about it because I wanted to know more about him and what he liked, wanted to show him things if he liked the ideas. It gave me some wild thoughts right from the start, especially with how shy he was. Those ideas were fueled even more by the fact that he'd choked me when I begged.

What if he had sadistic fantasies and an extreme masochist trained him on how to do things safely? Heheh. That seemed like a wicked combination and it also sounded like a ton of fun because then I could watch someone find out the things they liked and didn't like, watch them figure out how dark and deep they really wanted to go. Besides that, he deserved it for the sheer fact that he listened to me prattle myself out most days.

I decided on where to start, then glanced up at him, "Would you mind if I talked to you about some things?"

He pulled his head back from where he'd been cuddling me and gave me a flat look. "Daphne, I feel like you could damn well do whatever you wanted right now."

Which made me giggle. He had that dry tone of voice again, the one that was only made more intriguing by how gentle his eyes were, whenever he was being funny. "Okay. One second." I stood up off his lap.

And curled up on the floor at his knees instead, so that he tilted his head and stared down at me, as if taking the sight in. Let me try to explain an idea that a lot of people starting out need help with, especially if one partner is into submitting and wants to engage the other partner. Power exchange is a two way street. There are a lot of people who make the mistake of agreeing to a scene, when they're trying things out, and then they'll break the scene halfway through with a new Dom. It's the kind of thing that they just don't think about because they're not used to playing or not used to the rules, but for a sub to do it to a Dom is a cruel thing to do. You see, when you've agreed to give up control and then you break the agreement or just step out of the atmosphere, you rip the rug out from under their feet, so to speak, and it's doubly true if they're new at things. They're trying to figure you out, figure out what makes you aroused, what hurts if you're into that, what goes well with different types of erotic pain. They're figuring out commands and how you like them and what you react to and then suddenly you just break it?

Most Doms I've ever met were pretty much done once you did that. They didn't want to play anymore because the game wasn't fun anymore. It just feels damned stressful after that, where they'll wonder if you're going to follow the rules or not once they're set.

That also means that if you give up a little control or if you create a small bit of power imbalance to someone who wants to be part of it, they'll take the chance. I rested my head on his knee and I started a routine that... Well, I wasn't really aware of the monster I was making with doing that actually. I was just a natural submissive and masochist and I wanted to make him more comfortable, make him happier, make him not feel alone and not feel guilty because everyone on both sides of it feels guilt or self shame, it seems. I like making people happy and I really liked him. We got along well with each other, you know? Two opposites, sure, but he never minded when I took over random things like where we sat at a restaurant, never started arguments about stupid things which was awesome. I'm really absentminded and I'll just decide those things while talking about something I'm excited about, so the formula was there. He liked me, I liked him, and he seemed like he wanted to play. I knew all kinds of games to play. So all I did was all I had to do.

I just talked with him, calmly. My way of thinking was that there was a major religion centered on the idea that a snake once just talked with the first female and made a suggestion and now we're all plunged into freaking chaos, so it had to have some power. And for the first little bit, I just talked about the basics, things like domination in general, and I figured him out on a different level. I had a few months of interactions to go off of, months that gave me an understanding on subjects that made him talk more, on things that made him the most curious, and the answer to both of those was the psychology involved in anything, the mental engagement, which made absolute sense, by the way.

"I can share a book with you, too," I remember telling him, starting nice and easy.

He was leaning forward to hold me while sitting over me because I think he really liked being that way. "I can't claim that one is a usual one, actually. I... can mostly only do fantasy books."

I took a break to talk about that, too, because I didn't want him to get too nervous over talking about the other pieces, over how he sat over me. I didn't want to leave him with any doubts about how I liked what he'd done in those light play ways. That first night, I just talked enough to make sure he'd be okay because I didn't want to outright shock any sensibilities. I might have gone down the masochism line pretty quickly, but even I don't just start out with shit like tit torture. Doesn't work like that. So I went slow and I started a routine of asking him to come over for more talks at nights after lessons. This was something that definitely took time at the beginning.

Eventually, I managed to get him to talk about domination. Somewhere along talking about what interested him about it, after he finally told me that too, he started petting my hair, as if it comforted him when he was discussing these ideas. It made me grin, made me nuzzle closer.

Perseverance really does pay off, as it turns out. I didn't know it, but I was looking up at a masochist's goldmine. After even just that first night, I had to stop and take a breath once I was done kissing him goodbye, had to lean against my wall and whimper in a kind of pain. I was so freaking aroused just from talking about these things with someone. Most of the people I had ever met anymore already knew all of where they stood. They'd gone through that discovery or they already had someone showing them. It was this exciting thought of possibility that made it so freaking arousing, the mystery and questions. He'd liked choking me. What else did he like? What was he into? How hard did he like it? What was more, there was how amazingly submissive he was to everyone else and even with the kiss, I'd had to start that, but then there had been this excitement in his eyes. I think if I tried to claim innocence and say that I just wanted to help him out, I'd be a fucking liar. That excitement I had seen meant that I was being absolutely selfish and talking to him with the intent of getting him to play. With me. It was just a look that made me grin, made me have butterflies again. It was something about the contrast again, I guessed, something about the thought of light signs of sadism in someone quiet. It was like...

You know how epic fantasies have this archetype of a quiet antihero or hero? They keep to themselves usually and they don't talk a lot and when they get in trouble for whatever plot reason, they bow their head and they go with whatever someone else decides because they don't see a reason to reach for any violence and they prefer the calm. But then something happens and they have a reason and it makes that moment of their violence all the more of a "holy shit!" moment. Even when it's over the character might be back to calm and patience, but now you know as the reader and you know what they could do. It was like that!

Wow, I thought my friend Pansy Parkinson was bad about the romantic daydreams. I was the eccentric who was so cynical that I came across as happy because when I expected the worst of everything, then every event became a nice surprise. But then when I looked in the mirror after that first night... It might sound crazy, but I looked different. I was flushed from how horny I was, from excitement and eagerness. What was more, I didn't want to go play and fix my little arousal problem. I really wanted to stay that way. And that was the thought that made me realize something.

Shit. Everyone always said my playful energy and outgoing weirdness was going to come back to bite me one day and I thought that they might have been right. Because I thought I was infatuated.

I also invite you to my p atreon.

New content every day.

There is a chapter available on my p atreon: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9

pa treon .com(slash)pandorastories (remove the space)