It didn't take long for Hal to regret her outburst. Throughout the entire, excruciatingly silent walk back to the keep, Hal could feel the confrontation rolling off Murtagh in waves. She had truly put her foot in it now, and there was no taking back what she said. Yet she had meant every word, and it was this that made her think that whatever conversation was about to follow was unnecessary. The only thing she feared was that in finally speaking her mind, she had set things in motion that could not be changed. Feelings and emotions were harder to grasp than physical actions, after all.

The tension between them was apparently palpable, because as they approached their room, Albriech and Baldor stood at attention before their expressions frozen on their faces. They glanced from Murtagh to Hal, who shook her head silently, indicating they shouldn't say anything. When Murtagh reached them, voice frightfully hollow, he told the brothers, "Please let her majesty know that I am not to be disturbed for the rest of the day."

"Aye, sir," Baldor mumbled, looking at Hal, but she avoided his gaze.

Inside, all Hal could hear was the fire that Juliet must have made while they were gone. It was a relief to be back in such warmth, although that relief was somewhat tampered by Murtagh's insufferable silence. She wanted him to shout. Wanted him to curse. Wanted him to say something…anything. Yet she did not know if she had the strength to hear it.

Whatever you are, you shouldn't be here. And I doubt you should even exist.

Hal closed her eyes, wishing she could block those words from her head. Why she had let Trianna of all people unravel her, Hal would never understand. Exhausted and dreading the ensuing conversation, Hal removed her cloak and boots, setting both near the fire to dry from the snow. Then she dropped down on the side of the bed facing the wall. "Well," she began, full of false bravado, "let's hear it then."

He didn't respond at first, carefully hanging his cloak, undoing his jerkin, setting his boots and socks neatly in a corner — he was suddenly and infuriatingly concerned with making sure every article of clothing went back to where it belonged. Eventually, he sat down on the opposite side of the bed, the soft material sinking under his weight. "Did I ever tell you about the moment I knew I loved you?" he asked softly and suddenly.

Without thinking, Hal quipped in a monotone voice, "It better be at first sight or we're going to have bigger problems on our hands."

It was not at all the type of tone she was trying to strike in this particular moment, and she was even more exhausted with herself than before. Murtagh, to his credit, laughed. "At first sight," he repeated, as though agreeing. "Tell me your name was actually my attempt to court you." He snorted. "And you had the nerve to accuse me of intimidation."

She wished desperately that in moments like this, he didn't make her laugh. But he did, and she could not help the few tears that fell as a result. However, she did feel steadily less defensive as she wiped self-consciously at her face and said, "But no, you have not told me."

There was a slight pause. One where Hal could feel his eyes on her, feel how the bed moved as he turned to glance at her. She kept her gaze decidedly on the place where the wall met the floor. "It was during those three days in the woods. After you had revealed to me what happened to your village. It was as if everything about my feelings for you had suddenly fit together in a manner that made sense. It wasn't just about the big things anymore, like how you made me laugh or how you were with Thorn, or how I felt like a better version of myself because of you. I began to realize all of the little things too. Hal, from that moment forward, if you had walked to the ends of the earth, I would have walked with you, no questions asked. I knew then that I could go the rest of my life just by being near you. That your presence fueled something in me. I told myself that I would've done whatever it took to make you the happiest woman in the world. And to feel those feelings and not be afraid of them — anxious, admittedly yes — but not afraid, because of how right they felt…that's how I knew I loved you."

How long ago such a time seemed. It was almost grotesque, how starkly different her life was now. It begged the question: was ignorance truly bliss? Had Hal actually been happy then, not knowing about Thea, Denu still alive, her humanity intact? Or was that time all just a lie? In fact, was any part of her life ever, truly real? She had spent so much of it in denial that nothing seemed right anymore.

She realized she hadn't responded to him. Truthfully, she didn't know how to. Or perhaps…she wasn't meant to respond at all yet. However, she had something to say regardless. She took a deep breath, her hands beginning to shake, so she shoved them between her thighs. "Murtagh?"

"Hmm?"

"Have…have you ever thought about having children?"

He cleared his throat, embarrassed and feeling a bit put on the spot. "Not in a while, I admit. At least…not until you. Although Giles may have laid claim to our firstborn."

"I guess I'll make sure not to get too attached to the child, then." Another stint of silence as Hal tried to pull her thoughts together before continuing. "What if I cannot carry a child in this body? What if…what if this curse broke me —"

"You are not broken," he said in a tone that came out harsher than intended, as if the word alone left a foul taste on his tongue. "No matter what was done to you, motherhood is not the pinnacle on which a woman's worth stands. And it is certainly not yours."

"Do you truly believe that though? If I can't give you a child, five, ten, thirty years from now, you would not resent me?" Tears spilled over her cheeks, her lower lip trembling as she fought against herself. "Would you even want me anymore? Would there be any point to…to marriage? And I don't mean it like I don't want to marry you," she added quickly, realizing how awful her words sounded, "because I do." She closed her eyes, the flow of tears steady now. "Heavens, Murtagh, I want everything with you. I want children. I want to live in that estate, with our family, and watch them grow up, and go to bed beside you, and wake up beside you…and I'm scared that I can't have any of that. I'm scared that I'll pass this curse on to any children we could have. I'm scared I won't pass it on to them and of outliving our children and our friends, and of not knowing what can kill me. I'm scared of living with this secret while you're rebuilding your legacy because if anyone were to find out it could r-r-ruin you and you've w-worked so h-h-hard all this time. And I'm s-scared — I'm scared…I'm so scared —"

Hal couldn't even speak anymore, dry heaving in a fit of panic as she bombarded Murtagh with every pent-up emotion she'd felt. She covered her face with her hands, feeling his face buried into her neck, his own tears soaking the material of her gown. She was so angry with herself for so many things. For not being honest with him sooner and holding all of this in. For being too frightened of addressing what had so obviously been bothering her. For letting Trianna's petty words be the thing that had shattered her esteem as well as her dreams. But she hadn't had the words to describe herself until now. Had not realized just how terrified she was by her strange new existence until she was faced with the reality of what she could or could not do because she wasn't as human as everyone else.

Her breathing was uneven and shaking as she tried to calm herself down, Murtagh's grip on her crushing. Hal's face was a complete wreck, and she desperately wished for a handkerchief. Murtagh must've realized based on how frequently she was sniffing and pulled a small cloth for her out of his pocket. Embarrassed, Hal finally looked over at him as she took the napkin. His eyes were red, heartbroken.

"I shouldn't have kept all that from you," she told him. "Murtagh, I'm so sorry."

"Do not apologize for this."

"You hardly let me apologize for anything."

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I should've pushed for us to talk about this sooner. But I admit that, of everything that's happened, this was the one thing I didn't know how to answer. What your body went through…it's unprecedented. And I was afraid, too, because I didn't know what it all meant. I was just so grateful that you were alive, and I told myself that that was enough. But it wasn't. Especially not for you. I'm so sorry you've had to sit with this by yourself for so long."

Hal moved to glance down, but he quickly intervened, holding her chin up so that she met his gaze again. "You are my heart, Halen. My greatest love. And I love you. Not the idea of you. Not your ability to have children. Just you. You are human, Hal. Thea may have changed certain physical traits, but even so, you are still human because of your outstanding compassion, patience, and the hope that has gotten you this far. Do not let anyone ever undermine that."

Hal was watching him carefully now, her heartbeat loud. Something in his gaze trapped her and compelled her to listen and believe. Cupping her face in his hands, he lowered his forehead down to hers. "I don't know what your life will look like from here on out. I wish I could ease those worries for you, my love, but I can't. I don't know if you can bear children. If you can, and we are blessed with them, then I will love them as fiercely as I love you. And if you cannot, then I would never be angry or resentful with you. I would not deserve you if I was. But, if that is the situation we find ourselves in, then I will simply have more love to give to you. And I assure you…" His voice wavered for a moment and he had to steady himself before trying again. "I assure you, Hal, that I could fill every second of the rest of your life with all the love that you deserve."

She was crying harder by the time he finished talking, her hands gripping the front of his tunic. He let her just cry, knowing how long she had been holding back such feelings. As painful as it was, there was also something cathartic in it for both Hal and Murtagh.

"I'm s-s-sorry," she stuttered out, still trying to catch her breath. "I'm so s-sorry. I've b-b-been pulling away f-f-f-from you all this t-time; I didn't even r-realize it."

He shook his head, his nose brushing against hers as he smiled. This time, it most certainly recached his eyes. "So long as you continue to find your way back to me in the end, I'll always forgive you. Every time."

She looked up at him with watery, brown eyes, her expression almost relieved. Finally, she nodded, her grip on him loosening some, although she still didn't let go. "Do you ever miss it?" she asked suddenly. "The time before all of this happened? I know it wasn't perfect but…it wasn't whatever this is now."

"I miss parts of it," he admitted, thinking of his early days on Illium. His budding friendship with Hal and the Tenari. The moments when he began to feel his inhibitions slowly give way, the blooming of hope in his chest he dared himself to feel. Then he shook his head, letting such warm memories fade, while still relishing in the peace they instilled in him now. "Otherwise, no. I would not want to go back to that time, even if I could."

"No?"

"Of course not. That version of you didn't even love me yet. That version of me did not know how to be loved. How could I possibly miss that?" He could tell that wasn't the answer she was expecting by the way she stared at him, blinking of as if she thought him mad. Hell, maybe he was. But his convictions were ironclad all the same. "Hal, I'd rather have a lifetime of watching you evolve into a better version of yourself, than to be stuck with just one fantastical version of you that never actually existed or, worse yet, not have you at all. I love you, Halen. Every flaw and imperfection included. I would not want it, or you, any other way. I would not change a thing about our life together."

"Really?"

He shook his head, without a single doubt in his mind. "Never. I would not even change the moments of my past that led me to you. If the result is you by my side, I would do all of it over again."

She began to brighten, trying to wipe her face on her shoulder until Murtagh took over using the palm of his hand. When her face was as dry as it was going to get, Hal asked another question. This one, successfully managed to catch Murtagh off guard.

"Do you think…" She licked her lips. "Do you think, then, because I'm part Shade, I'd live as long as you now? Could a lifetime together truly be just that? I know you once said you would not mind me older but...knowing how much has changed since that conversation..."

He actually had to look away from her, but she did not miss how his expression twisted as though pained. She feared he might actually break down again. When Murtagh looked back at her, his face had brightened with optimism, with hope for a future together that was longer than either of them had first expected. "Dammit, Halen. I hope so. I really fucking hope so. Because I don't want to do this life without you. Not a single second."

Before she could catch her breath, he rushed forward and kissed her, both of their faces wet, eyes red and puffy. But there was a renewed sense of need and want in their touch. That unwavering rock at her back that had always been Murtagh's gentle and thoughtful love for her when she was struggling to overcome her own emotions had prevailed once more. His hand moved to the small of her back, push her into his body before he wrapped his arms around her waist. He did not think there was anything more to say in this moment. For now, he let the silence wash over them, holding Hal as tightly as she held him.

…

Are you sure this is a good idea? Thorn inquired once more, pulling Murtagh out of his thoughts. He had been sitting and waiting impatiently for the last half-hour or so, drumming his fingers on the table. Not that I'm saying don't do it. More like let me handle the wretch. Nasuada might be less inclined to punish me.

I have no intention of doing anything that will get me into trouble, Murtagh assured him.

But you would like to.

Of course I would like to. If Hal hadn't struck her first, I was sorely tempted to do so. But the repercussions would have been far more severe if I had acted on impulse.

Still would've been satisfying.

Murtagh didn't want to admit that he agreed. He didn't want past, violent tendencies to dictate his reactions anymore. But the past few days had been draining, mentally speaking, and the pent-up aggression he felt had no outlet at the moment. While he could not confront Trianna physically, that did not mean he had any intention of being idle either. Time and time again she overstepped, and he was done being diplomatic about it.

Right on time, he heard the door knock before it opened. Albriech let Trianna in before promptly shutting the door behind them. Murtagh had been grateful for the Horstsson's brothers' loyalty, anxious that they would've become suspicious after Trianna's accusations. But Albriech had actually been quick to agree to Murtagh's request, and Baldor was keeping an eye on Hal as she forged ahead with regaining her strength, completely unaware to Murtagh's present goings-on.

Trianna looked delightfully uncomfortable, even as she tried to maintain a look of unimpressed regality. She held up a piece of parchment in her hands and greeted him with a curt, "I received your summons, Morzansson. I suspect you're here to set me straight?" He didn't respond, just stared at her with a cool expression on his face. He could sense her unease from the other side of the table where he sat. "If so, I'll remind you that while you may rank above me in title, I am still a protected member of Nasuada's council, and you are still bound by the oaths of your pardon —"

"Enough, Trianna."

She fell silent immediately, more out of surprise than compliance, but he would take it either way. He didn't say anything at first, reaching back far and deep to remember what it felt like to be so absolutely infuriated. But not at the world or because of his own selfish pride. Instead, he channeled the rage of his past self and combined it with his love for Hal. No, he could not threaten or harm Trianna, nor did he want to. Such a reaction felt…childish, honestly. But that did not mean he couldn't use his overall presence to disarm her.

Finally, he moved in his seat, leaning forward a bit as he clasped his hands on the table. "I'm actually here to apologize to you."

Now she looked completely perturbed. "You? Apologize to me?"

"Aye. You see, I realize that as a member of Du Vrangr Gata, you were also likely, at some point, in the crosshairs of my forced servitude to Galbatorix. We may not have fought personally, but, much like Orrin, I'm sure that you also fought against the armies I led. I would be foolish to assume that, at some point, you did not witness my cruelty in battle first-hand. I was wrong to forget how far-reaching the consequences of my actions were. For that, I am truly sorry."

"If you want my forgiveness —"

"I do not expect it, nor will I force it," he continued tactfully. "However, as I have rightfully earned my pardon, and you being one of Nasuada's longest and most trusted members, I do expect us to be able to cooperate from this point forward."

Trianna squared her shoulders and licked her lips. "I supposed that is why you called me here today?"

"My apology remains sincere, whether you want to believe that or not. However, I would be remiss if I did not also take this time to make one thing very clear." He rose to his feet, fully appreciating his broad shoulders and solid height. He wanted Trianna to feel small. He could not corner her like he wanted, but if he could make her feel an ounce of the discomfort she had placed on Hal, he would take it. The flash in her eyes proved he had succeeded.

He walked up to her, standing close enough that she was forced to hold his gaze or risk looking weak and intimidated. She could not miss him when he said, "Hal is off limits. Whatever anger you feel towards me, take it out on me, if you dare. Otherwise, keep your petty insults and your false accusations to yourself."

At this, she quickly retorted, "I know what I felt and I know what I saw. I don't know what you're hiding, but if I think for a second you are a threat to her majesty and this queendom, I will do everything in my power to stop you. You have not earned my trust, nor will you ever. You can attempt to silence or frighten me, but I will not cower before you now."

Murtagh had to refrain from being even slightly impressed. The stubborn set of her jaw reminded him so much of Hal. "If I can't earn your trust, then I accept that reality. But like it or not, you and I are on the same side and serve the same queen. I fully expect you to do your part and cooperate. If you choose not to, I highly doubt Nasuada would see fit to keep you around for long." At this, Trianna's eyes momentarily widened. "Do not forget that not only is Hal protected under the crown as per the terms of my pardon, but she is still a citizen. I can't imagine it would be a good look for one of Nasuada's supposed trusted magicians to be abusing her power to harass someone who has sworn no oaths. That would not be a good look for her. Or for you."

Trianna took a slow, deep breath, and Murtagh knew he had her. He could see the resignation and resentment at once in her eyes, but he knew his words had rung true. If Murtagh remained cooperative and Trianna stepped out of line, it would look worse for her. He did not have to ruin her if she did it to herself. Murtagh knew first-hand just how easy it was for one to ruin their own legacy.

He stepped back and smiled pleasantly. "I look forward to working with you, Trianna." Then he tilted his head, showing his sincerity, before he turned and walked out.

I had forgotten how charming you could be, Thorn teased.

That's fine, Murtagh replied with a small smirk on his face. So long as she doesn't.