That night, sleep was impossible for Lydia. She tossed and turned, unable to understand why, for someone who had just been offered everything they wanted, why she felt so unsettled.
Of course this was all Edmund's fault.
She couldn't deny that she was attracted to him. She trusted him above anyone here and considering the way he opened up to her, she was pretty sure he felt the same.
Edmund understood her in a way no one else did; he seemed to know more her insecurities than she did judging from the way he was always offering advice. And that small little smile he made when she admitted he was right…
No, sleep would never come with all this rattling around in her head. She rolled onto her back and stared at the dark canopy above her.
She sighed. All she wanted was to go home yet the minute she's offered an escape, she starts finding reasons to stay.
She liked Edmund, that was obvious. But she didn't need a relationship with him to be happy. They weren't exactly what you'd call star-crossed lovers.
She rolled over and sunk her head into the pillows
The idea of staying here just to be with him was ridiculous. She knew that. She just hoped Edmund knew that as well.
#
"Miss Lydia?" Lydia woke to the cries of a squirrel who was pulling at her bed covers.
She covered her eyes as another squirrel dragged the curtains back. "What is it?" she groaned "What time is it?"
"It's early miss" one of the squirrel's piped up, "But you are needed now."
Lydia groaned again and was about to turn over and go back to sleep when Lucy burst in wearing one riding boot and waving the other one frantically.
"Ah Lydia thank goodness you're up," she said briskly, "We have to go now, Oreius has already gone to get the horses."
"Come on!" she said grabbing Lydia's arm and yanking her up.
Lydia wiped the sleep from her eyes, "Why is Oreius getting the horses? Where are we going?"
"There was an attack on a Narnian village near the border last night, large parts of it have been destroyed."
Lucy threw a dark blue dress at Lydia, "Quick put this on."
Lydia complied watching Lucy hunt round her room looking for Lydia's riding boots.
"Are all four of us going then?"
"Of course, it's important we go and visit the injured." Lucy's voice was muffled with her head was stuck in a wardrobe. "And," she said straightening up, "your presence will make up for Susan's absence."
She threw the riding boots over her shoulder without looking forcing Lydia to move off the bed.
"I don't think me and Susan can be considered the same." she muttered easing the riding boots on.
Lucy was still facing away from her, "Don't be silly, you're practically part of the family now."
If there was a frown on Lydia's face at that, Lucy didn't notice.
#
When the two girls got down the palace steps, Peter and Edmund were already stood with the horses, their faces both grim. A centaur was stood with them holding a sheaf of papers.
"And this one Your Majesties is to send to Calormen to cease all trading." The centaur held out a scroll of some sort.
Peter sighed, "It's a big step Damon. Does it have to be done now?"
Damon nodded, "If our sources are correct and Calormen is behind this attack then we will need to act quickly and send a clear message. If Your Majesties intend to spend the day away from the palace, then this must be done now."
"It's got to be done Pete" Edmund muttered and the two exchanged glances. Peter sighed and signed his name at the bottom.
The centaur bowed sharply and then hurried away.
Lucy jogged up to her brothers, "What was that all about Peter?"
Peter handed Lucy the reins to her horse, "There are reports from Archenland that four Calormen crossed the border back from Narnia in the early hours of morning. Twenty minutes later we hear that a village has been half burned." He shook his head, "It can't be a coincidence."
Lydia walked over to Celer, the brown mare she'd been riding since that first week in Narnia. She was still a little shaky but the two of them had made steady progress and Lydia mounted up with relative ease.
Peter was already mounted on his black stallion, "Are we all ready then?" he asked in a commanding voice. Edmund and Lucy nodded their mouths set in a grim line. Lydia felt that Peter's question was more addressed to her so she attempted to copy their determined faces and gave a firm nod.
"Good, it shouldn't be too long a ride."
The four set off at a gallop and their horse ate up the miles. Lydia watched as the trees around her became darker and thicker as Cair Pavarel disappeared behind them. She welcomed the cool air rushing round her, she'd barely left the palace grounds since she'd arrived and she had to admit it would be nice to see some more of Narnia especially as most of the humans had only appeared for the wedding, leaving Cair Pavarel feeling big and empty.
She was fortunate that her horse knew the road so well since she struggled to keep focus when they crossed the river. Shoals of little fish darted in and out, some with rainbow scales. Either way it was nothing like shed ever seen in England.
"They're beautiful aren't they?" Edmund had slowed down to join her. "The ones with the rainbow scales are called pavander, you can only find them in Narnia."
"They're definitely unique" Lydia said still watching the fish.
"When we weren't as busy, me and Lucy used to come and catch them. We'd spend the entire day " Edmund's voice trailed off and for a while the two of them just watched the fish.
It felt nice, Lydia realised, the two of them just riding in together without speaking. With the others Lydia would've rushed to fill the silence but with Edmund?
She groaned internally, she was supposed to be stopping this sort of thing.
She was debating how to tell Edmund this when he broke the silence by saying, "I've just realised, you've never told any of us about your life at home"
Lydia shrugged, "There's not much to say, my dad died when I was young. I was brought up by my mother in London with my dad's parents occasionally demanding to see me which caused some unpleasant family dinners. It's pretty average. I spend most of my time looking after my mother."
She hung her head and Edmund rushed to change the subject. "So how did you find the painting then?"
Lydia steadied Celer who had become jittery, like the horse knew that this was an uncomfortable subject for her.
"I was at my grandparent's house for a few weeks of the summer. They live in a big mansion in the country. I'd only been there a few nights"
She led her horse to a quick trot, "What about you then? What was your childhood like before here?"
"Pretty difficult in the lead up to war." He paused then glanced upwards as if to check Lucy and Peter couldn't hear.
"I didn't really get on with the others, particularly Peter." he said, almost guiltily
Lydia nodded, "Well you're brothers, isn't that normal?"
"It is but it went a bit deeper than that for me. I wasn't the eldest like Peter, I wasn't the adult's favourite like Susan and I wasn't the youngest like Lucy." He scratched the back of his neck looking uncomfortable.
"Has anyone actually ever told you about what happened with the White Witch?"
Lydia turned to look at him, "You told me you were a traitor" she said cringing at the choice of the words.
Edmund looked down "Yes I did. I came to Narnia by myself the first time which meant that unfortunately I was alone when I met the White Witch. She tricked me, made me think that I deserved to be better than Peter and the girls."
He swallowed, "So I left them and went to join her and then got myself captured and had to be rescued by Aslan and the others."
The shame was clear to see in his face but his eyes widened when he saw Lydia was smiling at him.
Lydia rolled her eyes. "Did you expect me to ride away and never speak to you again?"
Edmund gave her a confused look. "But…but I thought you'd be disgusted with me! I was selfish, I betrayed my family for revenge and sweets."
Lydia shrugged "And? You were a child and I'm guessing you hadn't seen sweets in months."
"At least a year." Edmund muttered.
"Well there you go then. And clearly your siblings have forgiven you so why shouldn't I?"
A look of relief finally seemed to wash over Edmund's face.
"I promise I'm not like that anymore, Peter and the others know that. It was Aslan really that helped fix things between us, he saved me." He shook his head, "I owe him everything."
"Yes well, the four of you all seem to work well together now." Lydia ignored the sinking feeling inside at the mention of Aslan.
"You mean the five of us." Edmund smiled at her. Lydia felt that sinking feeling again and found herself biting her lip.
"Look Lydia I know you want to go home but I really think you've got a home here now."
He looked so sincere that Lydia had to turn her head away from him.
"Edmund I-"
"Edmund! Lydia!" the sound of Lucy's yells cut Lydia off and the pair exchanged confused glances.
"This can't be good" Edmund muttered before breaking his horse into a fast trot. Lydia motioned to Celer to follow him and they rode out of the forest into a clearing.
What hit Lydia first was the smell. Smoke filled her nostrils and she felt her eyes begin to water. Charred buildings were still smouldering and wails of people could still be heard.
Lucy and Peter had already dismounted by the time Edmund and Lydia reached them and Lucy had rushed over to the wounded and was offering them a drink from a small amber bottle.
Peter had marched off to inspect some of the destroyed buildings and Lydia, knowing that her skills in medicine were relatively limited, dismounted and followed him into the village centre, Edmund not far behind.
Inside the village, the damage was less serious possibly due to the well that was situated in the middle, Lydia assumed, making it easier for the inner buildings to have fires put out first.
Nonetheless the damage was still there. She saw a toy centaur covered in ash and crouched down to pick it up. The toy was warm to the touch and she pressed it to her hand, leaving a patch of soot behind. She looked round to make sure no one could see before placing it back on the ground.
Peter and Edmund had moved beyond the well towards an old marble building, one that looked pretty much unscathed by the fire. They were in conversation with a short wizendy old man who did not look impressed to see the two kings there.
"And you're sure there were no fatal injuries." Peter was pressing but the old man nodded, his eyes narrowed.
"As I've told about six different people already this morning, were pretty sure the four men were Calormenes from their dress and they burnt half our village, killing no one but harming our farm produce.
Peter nodded, "Cair Pavarel will instigate a full funding scheme to make sure you can get back on your feet.
The man nodded with a resigned look that seemed to say that he knew the Pevensies couldn't do anything else. It was a look that said that he expected the attacks to happen again.
This look preyed on Lydia's mind as the four of them travelled back to Cair Pavarel later that day. With each day that went past it seemed more and more likely that Lydia was going to have to watch the Pevensies rush off to war and whilst that should have confirmed her decision to leave, a small voice in the back of her head always made itself known to point out that she didn't want to forget Narnia.
She didn't want to stay in Narnia, that was certain, but she hadn't completely hated her time with the Pevensies either.
She allowed her mind to wander back to the conversation shed had with Edmund earlier. His face when he'd told Lydia about the white witch, waiting for her to turn away in disgust, screamed of insecurity. And yet he'd trusted her with it.
And here she was repaying him by pretending that everything was fine when it so clearly wasn't.
With grim determination, she dug her heels into her stirrups and guided Celer over to where Edmund was riding, alone. She rode up till she was level with him.
"Look Edmund I think we need to talk." He turned to look at her and when he didn't reply she continued.
"I do feel like we're much closer now than what we were but these close conversations" she gestured between them, "well they have to end now,"
Surprisingly, Edmund look unfazed, "And why's that?"
Lydia swallowed her mouth suddenly dry, "Because I spoke to Aslan and he's offered me a way out of Narnia. And me pretending like I'm staying forever isn't fair on you."
Edmund blinked.
"He's going to let you leave, just like that?"
"Not quite," Lydia stammered, feeling a blush creep up her neck. "He's told me I won't have any memory of here."
There was a pause. Edmund was staring intently at her and Lydia fought to contain the heat rising to her face.
"And you would be alright with that?" he asked quietly.
She opened her mouth to reply but at that moment Lucy raced past them and gave a sharp turn to face them.
"I've had a brilliant idea"
Edmund eye roll was only slightly exaggerated, "Does this one involve hedgehogs? Cause I don't think I trust any of your plans after Peter's birthday.
Lucy ignored Edmund and turned to Lydia, beaming.
"A ball would be the perfect way to mark the return of Susan and we can invite all the people from that village" Lucy's eyes were sparkling with excitement.
"Yes it sounds lovely" Lydia tried to copy the younger girl's enthusiasm but judging from Edmund's raised eyebrow, she knew he didn't believe her.
He grinned, "I'm sure Lydia will be happy to help you in the next few days." he said before whispering to Philip and leaving the two girls behind him.