Merasmus had no idea of where he was. Those men knocked at his door late at night and when he realized he had a plastic bag on his head and they were pushing him into the trunk of a car, and then he was sitting in that dark, bare room, in front of Nakamura Yoshiro, boss of the Japanese mafia.

"We ran out of patience with you." He said, sitting in front of Merasmus with his hands on his lap and his legs crossed.

"Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Merasmus promises he will pay you-!"

"We have heard enough excuses."

That hypothetical situation they discussed when making the deal had just become true, Merasmus was afraid. Nakamura gave one of his goons a nod and he approached Merasmus with a cutting plier in his hand. He grabbed the thumb in his left hand first.

"Wait! Please!" Merasmus shouted. "Listen! Merasmus cannot give you money, it's true, but...! But he can give you something better!"

That did not interest Nakamura the least. His man still put the thumb into the tong in order to cut the finger off, slowly, painfully. Merasmus saw he had to sell his idea better.

"How about infinite power?!"

Nakamura rose a hand, stopping the henchman.

"Elaborate."

His man still didn't let Merasmus' finger go, so the magician saw he had to be convincing.

"Listen to an expert in magic. There are forces you couldn't possibly understand but it's alright, they can be tamed nevertheless...There is...in Kong King...a man, who keeps magical jewelry that contains elemental creatures called kwami..." As he spoke, he created floating visions with his free hand to show what he was talking about: accessories which made the appearance of their wearers change, and they started doing wonders. "They will obey the wearer without any question...I will bring them all to you...And you will need no money to be powerful."

Nakamura's eyebrows furrowed, eyes squinted in thought. Merasmus feared for a second this was useless. Fortunately for him, there was a new gesture from the Japanese and he saw himself free.

"Find those pieces and bring them to me. You've got two weeks. No more." Nakamura said coldly.

"Ah! Merasmus knew you'd be reasonable! You won't regret this!"

Fearing Nakamura would change his mind any second, he disappeared.

Merasmus was familiar with the whole story of the Kwami. It was just that he had always considered himself powerful enough not to need it...Not to mention that all times he had tried to steal them from their owners, those stupid guardians kicked his ass. But now he reached the level of desperation needed to use everything he had in order to destroy them and get their treasure.

The current guardian of the kwamis, fellow magicians told him, was some Cheng Lao. His teleporting powers allowed him to teleport right where the person he was thinking about was.

But it seemed his teleporting was a little rusty, because there was no one or nothing where he appeared. Just land, of the useless kind, and nothing else. No people, no buildings. He scratched his chin. He was not in the mood to play hide and seek with anybody! He needed to find Cheng as soon as possible and get the kwamis! The yakuza didn't play around!

When he took a step forward, ready to leave, his foot stepped on something. He thought it was just a rock at first. But he crouched down, took it and watched it with a grimace. A human finger. So his powers were not failing: there he was, the guardian of the Miraculouses.

The soil under his feet seemed stirred. He dug a little bit and confirmed his suspicions. Someone found him first and did away with him. The miracles were nowhere to be seen.

No! There was one left! Among the dirt he found it, buried with the corpse, too thin and small to be easily spotted in the dark: the butterfly! Merasmus grinned. It would be perfect to help him get the rest.

He made a board with the world map carved on it and a little bag containing a set of bone fragments. He put them in his hands, breathed on them, shook them and tossed them on the board. The bones fell on the United States of America, New Mexico to be exact.

Soldier's frown and his hands inside his coat attracted the attention of Engineer and Medic before he approached.

"I need a scientific explanation for this."

Medic rolled his eyes, making it evident (at least to someone who was an observer, unlike Soldier) that he wasn't interested in whatever Soldier could show him. But Engineer was a more patient man, and so he smiled.

"What do you got, Soldier?"

"This!" Soldier exclaimed, and opened his coat to reveal the strange creature he had been keeping inside a glass jar.

She trembled at the sight of those men looking inside the jar.

"...What is 'this'?" Engineer asked, raising his head to Soldier.

"What is it gonna be? The bug! The red thing!"

They didn't seem to be seeing it. Medic rose an eyebrow.

"For God's sake, it's as plain as the nose on my face!" Soldier protested.

And, in order to help them see, he opened the jar and grabbed the Kwami, to put it in their faces.

"...Yes, a pretty fist. Thank you, Soldier, for wasting one minute of my life with this." Medic sighed.

"Are you kidding me now?! It's right here!" Soldier could only punch them with it at this point.

"Nobody except you can see me..." The creature shyly mentioned.

"What?!" Medic was already leaving, so Soldier looked at Engineer. "But you can see it, right?"

Engineer chuckled. "Sorry, man. That's something science can't explain."

And he walked away too, leaving Soldier very confused. He stopped squishing the little thing and she floated in front of him.

"So...Only I can see you." Soldier muttered.

"Yes, that's right. You are my owner now, I guess."

"Your owner?"

"Yes. You are the new carrier of the Ladybug Miraculous, so that means you own me...But...you didn't have to kill Mr. Cheng to get me."

"I didn't kill the guy to get you. I killed him because those were my orders."

"Orders? Who could order you such a horrible thing?"

"Listen, little bug: I am a soldier, and a soldier does what he is told, because he serves a higher purpose."

"A higher purpose? He was a good man who never hurt anyone in his life! How is that a higher purpose?"

"The higher purpose of getting jobs done and earning money for it! Don't you dare question my value system, because I get no lessons from tiny monsters!"

"I am not a monster. I told you: I am Tikki. I am a Kwami. I am an elemental-"

"You know what? Screw it. Zhanna's not going to like you. I am putting you back to where-"

"Uh, Soldier? Who're you talking to?" Demoman suddenly appeared with a bottle in his hand, looking at him with a confused frown.

"Her!" He exclaimed, pointing at the floating being.

Demoman saw nothing where Soldier was pointing at.

"Ah. Alright. Miss Pauling just came. She's bringing a job for us." The Scotsman said before turning around and disapearing, asking himself if his eye patch was preventing him from seeing what Soldier said.

Soldier turned to Tikki.

"Alright, bug, listen: I may be the only one who can hear you but that doesn't mean I want to hear you. I've got work to do and I hope you keep quiet. Understood?"

"Yes, sir..." Tikki muttered.

And so hid back into Soldier's smelly coat and he reunited with his teammates.

"BLU is keeping the intel somewhere inside this building. There has been an unusual movement these days."

Soldier could barely focus on Miss Pauling's explanations. Hecouldn't help thinking of what he kept inside her pocket.

He could see her beady little eyes peeping in spite of his orders. That thing, supposedly a ladybug or close, a Tikki, seemed to be going to stick with him for a while. A critter which was now following him everywhere, because she said he was now her owner or something. Soldier didn't really understand her babbling. All he knew was that this was the freakiest thing he had ever seen, and he had fought wizards, gigantic eyes, skeletons and headless horseless horsemen.

He had the feeling that the other mercs could actually see her and were mocking him, pretending they couldn't...

"There must be an air vent around here. It seems like the only way in." Pauling continued, pointing at a little spot on the map.

"We've got the perfect man for that." Engineer said, his arms crossed and nodding to himself.

Scout realized seconds later that they were all looking at him.

"Why do I always have to slide in the narrowest, dirtiest places?" He complained.

"Because you're the thinnest here."

"Eat lettuce and lose weight then, but I'm not going in there! Not again! Every freaking time you ask me to do that, there's always someone in the other side with a gun!"

"You'll be fine! How many times have you died?" Demoman said.

"I almost bled out twice!" Scout remarked.

"Stop complaining, boy, all of us are risking our necks here!" Spy rolled his eyes.

"Scout, if you don't mind, please let me finish?" Pauling said.

Scout sighed in defeat and gestured her to go ahead, crossing his arms.

"Like a two-year-old..." He heard Soldier mutter, and that worsened the boy's mood.

"That wasn't nice..." Tikki commented aloud.

"Ssh! I told you to keep quiet...!" Soldier told her.

"I'm already quiet!" Scout protested. And added in low voice: "Prick..."

"As I was saying," Miss Pauling cleared her throat, "how you will do it is up to you. I'm just warning you the Administrator wants this done as soon as possible, because she got information that the BLU are moving again. I trust you on this."

She was quick to leave the building, and Soldier was finally free to talk to his kwack or whatever the name was.

"I told you: if you had to stick around, you had to keep quiet!"

"Who are they? Are they your friends?" Tikki asked.

"They are platoon. We live under the same roof, eat the same garbage, share blood when it's needed." Soldier replied, not without feeling a little bit of pride saying this.

"That seems like friendship to me." Tikky muttered, and Soldier ignored her.

"And I can't have a floating bug around dragging me down and putting them and the mission in danger. When are you leaving?"

"I'm not leaving. I couldn't, even if I wanted. You are my owner now. You claimed my miraculous." Tikki explained, even though she had already told him this.

"What? And what am I supposed to do with you?"

Scout passed by his side and looked at him with a confused look.

"Uhm, who are you rambling to?" He asked.

"The little kiki on my face!" Soldier replied, shouting.

Scout gave him a nod and forgot quickly to focus on the person walking out of the door.

"Hey, Miss Pauling!"

The girl was reading some binded papers and walked without looking at Scout.

"I was wondering. Uh...Today's a special day, and I was thinking...Maybe, if you're not very busy...We could...hang out. Go eat out or...something, I don't know." Scout said, scratching nervously so many parts of his body it almost seemed he was infested with flea. "What do you say?"

She didn't reply anything and took a coffee cup on her scooter. Seeing the look on her face, it had ran cold.

"Miss Pauling?" Scout called her attention, smiling a little.

"Uh, excuse me, what?" Pauling muttered, snapping out of her thoughts. Because she knew he was talking but wasn't listening.

"I was asking if you wanted to eat out with me to celebrate-"

"I...Sorry, Scout, I'm kind of busy. Maybe next time, okay?"

She put her helmet on and rode away before he had the chance to insist.

And she left him alone to sigh sadly.

"Next time won't be my birthday..." He muttered, turning around to go back into the base.

The first thing Nooroo found when he left the brooch which contained him was an old lady dressed with a very strange attire looking at him. Not a very pleasant sight.

"Uh...Hello..." He shyly said, hoping that looks were deceiving.

"Silence! You are mine, so from now on you will do as Merasmus says, and you will not speak unless Merasmus tells you to!" Was the answer he got, so he guessed he was right to think he had not ended up in the hands of a very good person.

And the worst was yet to come, because Merasmus knew the words he had to use. They were written on the ancient book in front of him, surrounded by melting candles.

"Dark wings rise!"

Triggering this way the transformation. The brooch shone, spreading a black and green pattern in Merasmus' robes, reshaping it into a cape which reminded of the wings of a butterfly. The fabric removed in the process became butterflies which flew all around the room. The magician removed the ram skull on his head and it was instantly covered by a silver mask. His cane became black, with a green gem in its tip.

Merasmus observed the result and smirked.

"Not bad. Not bad at all."

He took some steps forward and created a portal to spy on the RED base.

"There. The Miraculouses are somewhere in this place. They are the ones who stole them. Who else could it be? That brutal execution matches their style."

He frowned, walking around the room, talking to himself.

"But Merasmus can't go in there, even with the power of the Butterfly Miraculous. They always find a way to Merasmus urinate blood in a bag..."

He stopped, recovering his smile.

"Merasmus can't go...But can send someone to get it...Yes...With the power of the Butterfly, it will be the mercenaries who will handle me the box! There is only one thing to do: find the weak spot...Exploit it..."

A new portal, showing Scout sitting alone, his head resting on his hand, sighing.

"Yes...Yes! The butt of all the jokes, the smallest one, always ridiculed, never listened to...A solitary, pathetic being...It is perfect! He will be the instrument of Merasmus' plan!"

But first he had to turn that pitiful kid into something more...interesting. And so he joined his hands, creating a butterfly. This one didn't look like all the rest: this one was black with translucent green highlights. He let it go while letting out a cruel laughter.

"Here you are." Spy entered the room where Scout had started to get dressed in but didn't get to finish, baseball ball in hand. "I was looking for you. Whatever it is you are wasting your time with, forget it: you've got to get ready. Tonight we are entering the facility."

"Do you know what day it is today?" Scout said as a reply.

"Of course I do: it's Wednesday. Come on now, don't be lazy."

And he disappeared as soon as he appeared, leaving Scout alone again, asking himself...If they were playing with him, they were dragging this for too long. Wasn't now the time to say 'hey, it was all a joke, happy birthday, here's your cake, you don't actually have to do the dirty job again!'? The more time passed, the more he guessed that was not going to happen.

It was not that they didn't know. He had bought drinks for everyone for this day the year before, and he had been casually slipping it in all conversations for a week. They couldn't not know it was his birthday!

Perhaps...They just didn't care.

Alright, but they could at least listen when he told them he wanted to see if there were any other options. He didn't like risking his neck for no reason. There had to be some alternative, he was sure!

Nah, it was easier to just put Scout in danger, right?

The butterfly flew over Spy's head without him noticing it. Scout didn't notice it either when it entered the dorm, for there was just one thought inside his brain: I am getting sick of all this.

And the akuma entered the ball in his hand.

A butterfly-shaped light mask appeared over Scout's face, establishing the connection. A voice echoed inside Scout's mind.

"Perfect Pitch, it is I, Meras-I mean, Moth. They think you are useless, they think your opinions do not count, play with your feelings...I will give you the power to make the tables turn. Now it will be you who will play with all of them. All I ask you in return are the Miraculouses hiding somewhere at the base. Find whoever is hiding them and bring them to me..."

A cruel smirk grew on Scout's face. "You want it? You got it!"

Darkness surrounded him—shifting him.

"...the butter at the bathroom. I don't forget my head because it's attached to my body." Demo joked with Medic.

"That reminds me of something. You see, we captured the enemy Spy when he tried to steal the briefcase and I performed an experiment to see how long his severed head could live with the only help of car batteries, and one day..."

"Scout! Move your ass here! We gotta concrete how we're gonna get you into smelly labyrinths!" Soldier passed by their side, searching around.

Someone stepped into the corridor, answering the call.

"It was about time!" Soldier protested when he saw him. "Come on!"

The other smiled.

"No. I don't think I will." He said with singing voice.

"What?!"

It took Soldier longer than the rest to realize that Scout looked and sounded...different. Medic interrupted his anecdote to turn his head to him with a slight frown, arranging his glasses to see if he was seeing right. All of the boys colors were faded, making him look like he came out from a black and white old film. His uniform was a classic baseball one, too, which they had never seen him wear before. His cap was down enough for his eyes not to be seen. His smile had never been whiter, wider...nor more disturbing.

"I ain't taking orders from you any longer." There was something slightly funny about the way he talked, like recorded in an outdated microphone

Demoman looked around to see if his partners had noticed something wrong with him too or it was just him.

"Oh, no! He's akumatized!" Tikki exclaimed.

Soldier didn't mind Tikki's concern or Scout's weird new looks: all he was concerned about was his rebellion. He stepped forward menacingly.

"I am taking no insubordination, son, I'm warning you!"

"And what will you do about it?" Perfect Pitch smirked mockingly.

"Whoop your ass back into your place, that's what I'll do!" And he did just that.

But he didn't get to touch him. Pyro, understanding that Scout was behaving badly, tutted and anticipated his punishment, approaching the boy with the intention of pulling his long bunny ears gently. Perfect Pitch grabbed his baseball ball and threw it at her. When the ball hit Pyro's chest, there was a flash of light and a card fell where Pyrowas just a few seconds before. Perfect Pitch picked it up. It showed a picture of Pyro, in the exact same posture she was in when she disappeared.

«#3. PYRO. Offensive. Tijuana, Mexico. Health: 175/260. Speed: 100%»

Okay, that was enough for Soldier to stop and consider that something was wrong there.

"Scout!" Engineer shouted in shock.

"Scout isn't here." The boy turned around to face him. "I am Perfect Pitch! And perhaps it is time I...how did you put it, Soldier? Oh, yes: whoop your asses into your place!"

They were tempted to believe this was a joke of some sort. Just Scout playing. But they all saw...They saw Pyro getting turned into a collectible card. This was not a joke. It was so, so real.

Perfect Pitch pounced on Soldier first. And even thought Soldier was cautious about his speed, he was defenseless, because this time he moved faster than usual. Just like an old recording, skipping frames, making the people walk faster! Perfect Pitch swung his bat, hitting him in the ribcage, making him fall backwards, breathless. He would have kept attacking if it wasn't for Heavy grabbing him from behind.

"Alright, Scout. I've got no idea of what is going on now. But we're going find out." Demoman grabbed the bottle of scrumpy in his hand like it was a weapon.

His teammates agreed. Something wrong was happening, and they saw they couldn't try to negotiate with him: they had to beat him black and blue and then, only then, be soft on him.

But that was going to be difficult. Perfect Pitch slipped from Heavy's grip like a lizard. A little roll, a kick in the mouth and Heavy was forced to let him go. Medic returned from another room with his bonesaw and was about to use it on Perfect Pitch when he saw him from the corner of his eye and threw his ball at him. Medic disappeared after the hit, leaving a card behind.

«#7. MEDIC. Support. Stuttgart, Germany. Health: 150/225. Speed: 107%»

"They won't stop him!" Tikki lamented herself.

"What is he doing? Do you know what this is about?" Soldier asked her, recovering his breath.

"He has been akumatized. He's...possessed. He can only see red now."

"And that thing he just did with the cards? He got superpowers?!"

"He did. I'm afraid he will stop at nothing. Your platoon don't have a chance."

"Hah! We are skilled killers and he's just one and he's got no muscle! We will defeat him and beat the monster out of him!"

Tikki shook her head. "The only way to stop him is capturing the akuma which turned him into this. And you need my powers to do it."

"Then do it!"

"I can't do it on my own...Are you willing to help?"

"Me?" Soldier exclaimed.

He turned his head to see Perfect Pitch had knocked Engineer down when he was trying to hurt him with the Gunslinger.

"Affirmative!"

"No one should see this. Come, this way." Tikki instructed the mercenary.

So he ran to another room, so no one saw what was going to happen.

"What must I do now?"

"In order to defeat Perfect Pitch, you must use the Lucky Charm power. But beware! Once you do this you will have only five minutes to capture the akuma before you transform back!"

"Akuma. Got it. Where is it? What is it?"

"It is a butterfly. It is hidden inside an object he carries."

Soldier peeped outside.

"...The bat...Maybe the ball...I'll break everything of his until I find it."

"You've got to break it and capture the akuma to free it from evil. Understood?"

"Do you think I'm stupid? Sure I got it! Break all of his stuff, capture the butterfly, exorcise. Easy!"

"Good. Then, please, hurry, this boy will stop at nothing. You've got to say: Spots on."

"Spots on?"

Those two simple words triggered a quick metamorphosis. Tikki became a beam of light which introduced itself into Soldier's cuff links. Then, his uniform shifted into a more dapper one, of standing collar, with a black aiguillette, epaulettes, two lines of buttons in his jacket, and gloves of the same color. The color was the same shade of red. His helmet was replaced by a peaked cap with the insignia of the ladybug at the front. His face was covered by a red mask with symmetrical black dots. There was a yo-yo in the middle of his dark belt.

When the transformation was complete, Soldier looked at himself.

"I expected some kind of hippie wedding dress but this is manlier than I hoped for. Good job, Tikki...Tikki?"

No response. He looked around but didn't find the kwami. He didn't hear her voice either.

"Alright, so I guess I'm on my own now." He muttered.

He wasn't afraid. He knew he could kick Scout's ass easily, with or without superpowers. So he ran to Perfect Pitch's encounter.

Yelling like mad, Heavy tried to punch Perfect Pitch with his enormous fists, but it was impossible: Perfect Pitch was too fast to defeat.

"Ever thought of losing weight to be faster, fatso?" Perfect Pitch mocked him.

It would have been so easy to just turn him into a card, but he wanted to have fun with him. After all, there was a pleasure in beating the crap out of guys who mess with those who are smaller.

"The miraculouses, don't forget the miraculouses!"

"Where do you got the miraculouses?" Perfect Pitch asked Heavy.

Heavy didn't reply. Perfect Pitch grabbed Medic's card and it shone, making him see Heavy's body differently—understanding it, identify all the weak points in a person's anatomy. That was how he knew that Heavy wouldn't move fluently for a whole week and would cause a great pain in leg and hip by stomping on the instep.

"Did I stutter, you big ball of grease?! The miraculouses! Where are they?!" Perfect Pitch shouted at Heavy's face.

Heavy's teammates couldn't defend him. Not yet. First, they needed to have a plan. They were without a Medic and couldn't risk it.

"What the hell got into him?" Engineer found refuge behind a wall. "I've never seen him this aggressive!"

"Don't forget the—ng!—magic tricks..." Demoman added, his hand on his broken ribcage after the boy hit him.

"I've got no bloody idea, but he's acting like a rabid dog and I think he should be treated like one at this point." Sniper said, his rifle in his hands.

Spy nodded gravely, after watching the torture poor Heavy was going through. "He's been given enough chances. I guess it's our only choice..."

"Fear not! Here I am!"

The mercenaries turned around, guns ready to shoot, upon hearing that shout. Then they saw this guy dressed in such a weird way and went mute. Someone with a little bit of shame would have felt incredibly embarrassed, but Soldier didn't have any of that, so there he stood, his hands on his hips.

"There's no need to kill him! I know what to do!"

"...Uhm...Soldier?" Demoman muttered.

"Soldier? What Soldier? Who is Soldier? I am...Hmm...Sargeant Bug!"

His partners exchanged a look.

"...Whatever you say." Spy concluded. "This is not the moment to play disguises."

"A crazy man in a disguise is exactly what you need! I know how to get rid of him!" Soldier said.

"Please don't tell me you're going to use cardboard and duck tape again..." Sniper rolled his eyes.

Perfect Pitch didn't know Heavy was familiar with torture and, to make confession more difficult, he actually didn't know what he was talking about. Soon he saw it was useless to attack his weak points and sighed.

"Booooring!" He exclaimed, and dropped the ball on his bald head, turning into a new card.

«#5. HEAVY WEAPONS GUY. Defensive. Dzhugdzhur Mountains, USSR. Health: 300/450. Speed: 77%»

He grabbed this new card and acquired his strength. Now, that would be useful.

Seeing this, Soldier saw they had to defeat him quick. "I'll tell you how, kangaroo man!"

He grabbed his yo-yo and shouted.

"LUCKY CHARM!"

Light blinded them for a second, then a set of handcuffs, ordinary handcuffs, only with a ladybug pattern, fell at his feet. Soldier picked them up and stared at them scratching his chin.

"Thank you. This is totally useless and now he knows we are here." Spy said, getting ready to shoot.

Soldier looked around. If his powers created this, it had to be because it wasn't that useless.

He probably had some vision problem Medic hadn't noticed during his check-ups, because he was seeing spots on Spy's cigarette case and Engineer's cable in his belt.

"TIKKI, BE CLEAR!" Soldier shouted.

Thank goodness Engineer paid attention, saw what he was seeing and could contribute with his brain cells.

"Wait. That is useful. But we gotta be quick. Okay, uh, Sargeant Bug, come with me." He instructed the others. "Spy, I'm gonna need you to disguise yourself. Demo, Sniper, can you distract Scout for a second while we set this up?"

"What do you intend to do?" Sniper asked.

"It's madness but it may work. Not that we got much more to try..." Engineer admitted.

They had to trust him blindly, because he had no time for explanations—Perfect Pitch found them.

"Hiding like rats, aren't you?" He smirked, swinging his bat like a majorette.

Demoman and Sniper faced him, careful to prevent him from seeing the others flee.

"You think you're tough, lad? You can't even grow hair on that baby face of yours." Demo said. Mocking him wasn't the best choice, he knew. It was a matter of keeping him busy while the others did what they had to, give them time.

Perfect Pitch frowned. "Didn't learn to respect me yet?"

So he taught him, he made him pay for this provocation. Demoman was drunk and didn't have the best reflexes, true, but very few would have seen him coming. Perfect Pitch hit him with the bat in the stomach, sending him on his knees. With Heavy's strength, his blows were now more lethal than before. Sniper feared for a second he was going to kill them and not turn them into cards.

"No idea of what I want drunkard like you for but...there's a collection I wanna complete." Perfect Pitch said, and bounced his ball on Demoman.

«#4. DEMOMAN. Defensive. Ullapool, United Kingdom. Health: 175/260. Speed: 93%»

Sniper saw he was alone against him and he was in disadvantage. He was too fast for shooting, or a knife fight. And there was also the issue of the extra abilities stolen from their partners. This was not a fair match. He hoped the others knew what they were doing. He didn't like losing.

And yes, the fight didn't last much. Even if Perfect Pitch was lettting it drag on like this was a twisted entertainment of his.

"Scout! Jeremy! For the love of God, why are you doing this? I thought we were friends!" Sniper stumbled.

"Friends! Now we're friends!" Perfect Pitch chuckled offended. "Friends don't force you to be cannon fodder! Friends remember birthdays! Friends don't force you to be cannon fodder on your birthday! I thought we were friends here. I was wrong. And so I won't bat an eye when I kill all of you morons and steal your miraculouses."

"Our what?" Sniper asked, but he didn't have the time to ask further, because Perfect Pitch hit him with his ball, making sure to break his nose.

«#8. SNIPER. Support. New Zealand. Health: 125/185. Speed: 100%»

Perfect Pitch bent down to grab his card and add it to his collection, inside his pocket.

"Friends..." He muttered to himself, chuckling sourly.

"Scout!"

He went by the name of Perfect Pitch now, but that voice calling him by his old name made him turn around.

"Miss Pauling!"

It was perfect that she was there. He didn't mind the concern on her face. Now he was different. He was stronger, more powerful than ever and, yes, more handsome if that was even possible. She had to see him now.

"The Administrator said there was trouble in here, but I didn't think you...! What happened to you?" Miss Pauling asked, gazing at him wide-eyed.

"Like what you see? I did this just for you. I am your winning horse now. I've got the abilities of all the others. It will be just you and me from now on. I will do whatever you want—I'll steal everything of BLU's in no time."

"Oh, Scout, but how...?"

"That doesn't matter." Perfect Pitch placed his hands on her hips and purred. "Miss Pauling, there's no need to keep on hiding our true feelings. I love you with every fiber of my being and I know you like me too. We can get married. My Ma will surely love you."

"You think so?"

"Oh, yeah. And if she doesn't...Well, I don't care what she thinks. No one's gonna stop me at this point."

"Wow, Scout, I've never seen you this determined..., this...strong..." Pauling sighed, her hands on his body. "You've built muscle too, I see. Let me see you in all your splendor..."

She slowly lifted the cap with the intention of removing it. Instead of eyes, she found dark, deep pits of despair, so she put it back on and forgot about it.

"Kiss me..." She begged him instead.

Perfect Pitch didn't find her solicitousness the least suspicious because this was a self-fulfulling prophecy: he knew one day, when he showed her he was her knight in shiny armor, her mask of indifference would drop and she would show her true feelings. He had been so eager for this moment to come that he only had eyes for her, in less than a mili-second he had his hands on her cheeks and was shoving his tongue into her mouth. Pauling gasped, her body arched, but she welcomed it and returned the kiss.

He didn't notice the two mercenaries behind him.

"NOW!"

Perhaps Soldier shouldn't have shouted, but good thing Perfect Pitch was distracted enough by Pauling not to move on time. In fact, she grabbed him too.

While Engineer held him, Soldier grabbed his arms and cuffed them. It was more difficult to deal with his kicks, Soldier almost lost a molar, but Engineer managed to tied them up with his cable like they do in Texas to bad calves like this.

"Ugh! Bastards! Let me go! Let me go! F-Flora!" Perfect Pitch protested, turning his eyes to Pauling.

Treason from his lover felt like a stab in the heart. A feeling which turned into wrath when his beloved was involved in smoke and became Spy.

"EW! GROSS!" He shouted then, feeling he was going to throw up.

It wasn't a pleasant experience for Spy either. He had to spit out the gum Perfect Pitch had been chewing moments before.

Quick! It was time to find the akuma. Engineer broke the bat in half but no butterfly appeared. So it had to be inside the ball. Soldier grabbed it and crushed it with his powerful bear hands.

"No!" Perfect Pitch shouted.

A dark butterfly escaped from into the broken ball.

Okay, so now he had to use the yo-yo to free it from evil, if Soldier remembered correctly. No idea of how to, but he was a priest and he guessed evil was defeated with violence, so he tried to hit it with it. The yo-yo opened, capturing the butterfly. When Soldier opened it, the insect had changed, becoming white, and elevated without a care, like an innocent little charming butterfly...

He quickly grabbed it and destroyed it with a gunshot.

"Just in case." Soldier said.

Around them, things changed suddenly. The cuffs disappeared, while their partners reappeared, healthy and very dizzy.

Darkness abandoned Perfect Pitch's body, making him become Scout again.

"Wha-Wha-Wha...?!" He exclaimed, looking around with his eyes wide open.

He didn't have the chance to ask what was going on: soon he was lifted from the ground by Soldier.

"The hell are you doing? What's going on? Why are my feet tied up?" The boy asked.

"Ah, so you're acting innocent now, huh? You know very well what you've done!" Medic faced him.

"Me? What are you...?" He stopped looking around to focus on Soldier. "S-Soldier? What are you dressed as?"

"I'm no soldier, maggot!" He replied. "I'm Sergeant Bug! And you, you've almost erased this team! But it wasn't your fault! You were possessed!"

"Me? What?"

"Don't you remember any of what just happened?" Spy came closer to look at Scout with a frown.

"Remember what? What have I done?" Scout kept looking around, scared, extremely confused.

"You became a bloody freak! Attacked us and turned us into cards!" Demoman said.

"Are you tripping?" Scout exclaimed. "I just...I don't know, my head spins...I just remember my...I was sitting over there and...I was so mad at you and...What did you say I did?"

It was clear that he was innocent. He wasn't such a good actor as to fake surprise so well. They let him go. And while they did, Soldier noticed his cuff links were beeping. Tikki had warned him about his powers having a time limit. He couldn't be seen!

"Uh...I've got to go. But wherever there is evil, Sargeant Bug will be there!"

No one stopped him when he ran out of the room.

"...I ain't the only one who lost his head, I see..." Scout muttered.

There was an explosion of light and Soldier found himself back to normal. Tikki fell on his shoulder.

"Good job, mister. You did it. It's over..."

"Are you alright, little bug?" Soldier asked, placing her on the palm of his hand delicately.

"Yes, it's just that this consumes a lot of energy..."

Soldier frowned in thought. He then accomodated into the pocket of his coat and quickly went to the kitchen to get a bit of bread to offer her.

"Rest now, private. You did a good job too." He said.

And reunited with his teammates.

"...So...It's over, huh?" He faked ignorance. "I was...taking...a...large dump! I missed it all."

The others stared at him for long, some frowning, others with their eyebrows raised, grimacing. None of them believed such a lame excuse, of course, but Soldier couldn't even suspect it.

"...Unfortunate..." Spy replied.

"I heard someone gave us a hand." Soldier smiled, satisfied of his acting skills. "A curious man. He was brave, no doubt, to face that monster. Surely an American. I've got the feeling, boys, that whenever we need him, he will be there!"

"I swear to..." Sniper muttered, leaving the room because he couldn't take it anymore.

"Soldier?! ...Wha...Is he the new carrier of the Ladybug Miraculous? Why is he always finding new ways of ruining my life?! Alright, Merasmus, calm down. It is fine. He evidently isn't aware of the true power he's got in his hands. And his friends will not be there to assist him..."

Scout sometimes said to himself that the guys were playing with him, they had to be. A monstrous baseball player with superspeed, which turned people into collectible cards...It sounded so stupid! But, again, didn't he fight even freaker monsters every Halloween? Too bad he didn't remember anything of it. He wished he knew how he looked like, if he was cool or nah. Must have been amazing to see.

But he had to face the facts: this was going to be one perfect excuse for the guys to make him eat shit. He was going to head to their deaths first. He was going to be given to the BLU with a pretty bow on is head. They were going to be merciless.

"Scout. Come. There is one thing we've got to do before we go." Spy called him.

What now? Attach bombs to his body? He sighed and accepted his fate...

And when he walked into the room, he jumped back at the sudden noise of party horns.

"Happy birthday!" The mercenaries shouted.

"What?!" Scout exclaimed, looking around to find his partners around a big chocolate cake on the poker table.

"Guess there's till time for you to make a wish and eat a bit of cake before we go, eh, mate?" Sniper smiled at him.

"Twenty-seven! No way. You still look twelve." Medic mocked him.

"Guys...You...Aw, come on, this is so soppy, I...You brought presents, right?" Scout smiled.

"Your present will be that we will go first this time. I am going with you. I will cover your back." Spy said.

"Mmm, okay, that could do. Thanks! Now seriously, didn't you buy me something? Socks, at least?"

Soldier giggled, with Tikki inside his pocket watching.

"He does look twelve!" She said.

"Yes, it's amazing, isn't it? It's a miracle of nature." Soldier said.

"He looks like such a nice boy. I'm so glad he got to have a birthday party."

"He's still a kid. Let him have a little fun before he grows old and tired like all of us old wolves."

"I knew he was your friend."

"Part of the platoon. There's a difference."

"Which?"

"So, they can't see or hear you?"

"No."

"And if I tell Zhanna about it?"

"Who is Zhanna?"

"The only woman in the world for me."

"That's so sweet. But no, you can't. Sorry."

"Well, too bad, Jiminy Cricket, but I've never hidden anything to my woman. Don't worry: I guess she might find you interesting after all."

He ignored what Tikki had to say about it and joined the conga line forming. A little moment of fun before chaos and blood.