A/N: Mic…what to say about Mic…see below :{

No One Is To Blame

Chapter 3: Feel the Punishment

May 5th, 2001

Just how long have you been fucking him behind my back?

Mac's gasp at Mic's words gave him time to capture her lips in a punishing kiss. His tongue plundered her mouth and she wanted to push him away, but he had her pinned against the railing, her arms trapped at her sides. She tried to at least move her head away from his but that was foiled by Mic's fingers threading roughly through her hair.

"Mic, sto—" A new assault on her lips cut off her words. Mic held her fast to his mouth, his tongue diving in deeply, and just when she thought she would suffocate, he drew back. He dropped his hand from her hair, but other still dug painfully into her hip. She knew there would be bruises there, and she also knew that if anyone stepped outside, they would only see a couple enjoying an intimate moment under the stars.

Mac shivered, and it had nothing to do with the cold.

"You didn't answer my question, Sarah." Mic's voice was barely above a whisper as he pressed himself into her again. He was hard and it confused her. She certainly wasn't aroused by his assault on her.

Assault…

Under any other circumstances, circumstances involving other people at least, Mac would have considered this type of behavior assault. But, no, Mic wouldn't do that to her, would he? He loved her. He wasn't always gentle in his loving but then neither was she. No, he wouldn't hurt her.

Mac seemed to forget he was hurting her now.

"Sarah?"

"What?" Mic's voice cut through her stupor.

"I asked you, Sarah—How. Long. Have. You. Been. Fucking. Rabb?"

"Mic! I've never—"

"Don't lie to me, Sarah!"

"I am not lying! Harm and I have never—"

"You expect me to believe that?" Mic sneered.

"Yes, I do, Mic! Because it's the truth!"

Mic snorted as Mac tried to wriggle away from him. The railing dug into her back as Mic pressed even closer.

"Let me go, Mic."

"Not until you answer my question."

"I have answered it! I've never slept with Harm! We're not doing anything behind your back!"

"Oh, really? Then what was that kiss about tonight, Sarah?"

Mac gasped.

"You didn't think anyone saw, did you, Sarah? But I saw. I saw plenty!"

"Oh my god, Mic! I-I—"

Mic's demeanor changed then, and Mac was shocked to see tears in Mic's eyes. "Why, Sarah? I told René not to worry about you two tonight, that you both just needed some closure. But then I see you kissing him. Am I just a fool, Sarah? When I was still in Australia, did you run to him? And when I got here…did it take you so long to move the ring because you were still sleeping with him? I know you and Rabb have something. I just never thought you would do this to me!" Mic finally stepped back, giving Mac some breathing room.

"Mic, no, no. What you saw, it wasn't what you think. Harm and I, we've never been together. Ever. We were just kissing each other goodbye." Her excuse sounded lame even to her.

Mic snorted once again. "A kiss goodbye? With has hands all over you and his tongue in your mouth?"

"He-he just got carried away."

"But you didn't stop him, Sarah."

No, you didn't, did you. Guilt and shame coursed through her. "I…I didn't…I'm sorry, Mic. But that kiss—it meant nothing. Less than nothing. My god, Mic, I'm marrying you!"

Mic looked up at the sky for a moment, then rested his hands on her shoulders. "Are you? Is that what you really want? I know I'm not a flashy pilot and I don't wear dress whites anymore, but I love you, Sarah. I can give you more than Rabb ever could. I love you more than he ever will." A single tear traveled down his cheek. Mac cupped his face in her hands and brushed it aside.

"I know that Mic, and that's why I'm marrying you. You, and no one else. Please believe me." She punctuated her words with kisses. "Please, Mic."

Mic was stiff under her touch for several heartbeats, but then he finally relented and took her in his arms, kissing her fully. Mac nearly collapsed in relief…

Relief that lasted only until he led her back inside and she realized for all the times he had told her he loved her tonight, she'd never once said it back. She hadn't even thought to.

"Welcome back! We thought you two had ducked out on us." Admiral Chegwidden grinned at her and Mic as they returned to the living room arm in arm. Mic gave her shoulders a squeeze as he chuckled lightly.

"No, just spending time with my lady under the moonlight." Mac smiled as well, and the two were the picture of a happy couple, though she found she deliberately avoided turning her back to anyone in case marks from the porch railing remained there.

"Well," said the admiral. "I can't think of a more lovely way to spend the evening."

"Admiral—"

"It's AJ here, Mac."

Mac nodded in acknowledgment. "AJ, I wanted to thank you for opening your home to us. It's been a wonderful evening." The lie slid easily from her lips, and she wondered when she'd become so fluent in deceit.

"But all good things must end, AJ. Would you mind if I took my bride home?" Mic's arm tightened around her, his hand squeezing her shoulder gently, and it made her remember how that same hand's fingers had dug into her hip just minutes ago. She wondered how big the bruises were by now.

"We should help the admiral tidy up first, don't you think, Mic?"

The admiral broke in. "No, no, Tiner has already volunteered. Oh, before I forget, Bud and Harriet had to get home to little AJ, so they wanted me to pass on their goodbyes and congratulations. And Mac, Harriet asked that you give her a call tomorrow."

"Oh, did she say why?" Mac had the feeling it was related to Harriet's concerned glances.

"She said it was about the wedding," Tiner volunteered.

Of course, it is. She probably wants to know if the wedding is still on.

"Thanks for letting me know."

"You're welcome, Mac. Sure you can't stay a little longer?" Mac's eyes widened at the admiral's continuing hospitality. It touched her and she was sorry she had ruined the night. Then again, her CO didn't know she'd ruined it. Mac opened her mouth to answer him.

"No, we're anxious to get home, aren't we, luv?" Mic grinned in a way that was just this side of a leer and then winked. Mac blushed, embarrassed by what her fiancé was implying, and it appeared Tiner was as well. He was a bright pink now and he had unfortunately been in the middle of taking a bite of one of the remaining pieces of cake. He began to choke, and when everyone's attention was on the young man, Mic ushered her outside.

"Mic, wait. We should say a proper goodbye, and I left my wrap—"

"Leave it, Sarah. I'm sure he can get it back to you on Monday. It's time we went home, don't you think?"

"Uh, yeah, we should, Mic."

"I'm glad you see it my way."

Mic and Mac were silent on the drive back to her apartment, and Mac hoped the subject of her kiss with Harm was closed.

Don't be stupid, Mac. There is no way that subject is closed.

What had she been thinking? Maybe Harm had deepened the kiss, but she was the one who had initiated it. She was also the one who finished it, truth be told, and it wasn't because she had suddenly come to her senses. Mac's face heated as she remembered the feel of his lips on hers, the way he'd gently yet passionately ran his hand over her the bare skin of her back. Emotions she'd thought were long buried had risen to the surface when his tongue like velvet explored her mouth, and even now as she sat next to her fiancé, she could feel a desire for Harm welling up inside her. She had to stop this. She had to forget the kiss ever happened. She had to—

"I can smell him on you, you know." Mic spoke calmly, his eyes never leaving the road.

"Mic…"

"When you came inside, I was going to confront you right there, but you were so lovely. I thought to myself, 'surely, Harm took advantage of her,' but then I realized, you've never kissed me like that."

"Mic, we kiss all the time. We're getting married." Her fists clenched in her lap as she waited him to speak again.

"Yes, we are, Sarah."

"So how can you say I—"

"Mac, let's just go home and drop it. I know you're sorry. You made a mistake. We all make mistakes."

"Yeah, we do, Mic, and I am sorry. So sorry, Mic."

"I'm sorry too, Mac."

Mac spent the rest of the ride staring down at her lap, wondering what Mic had to be sorry for, and wondering why she didn't regret kissing Harm as much as she should.

"I think I'll go take a shower, Mic," Mac said as they entered her apartment. She waited for Mic to acknowledge her, but the man seemed to be inordinately focused on locking her door, so she made her way down the hall alone. Once she was in her bedroom, she removed her dress, barely stopping herself from inhaling Harm's lingering scent on it and tossed it in her closet. Her panties followed and then she stepped into her bathroom, turning on the water to let it warm before she stood staring at herself in the mirror. She saw a woman who looked slightly stunned, more than a little confused, and just sad. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She should be excitedly anticipating her wedding, hopelessly in love with her finance. Instead, she'd spent the evening talking to her best friend, a best friend who wasn't her fiancé.

What am I going to do? She thought to herself, dropping her face in her hands.

You're going to get into that shower, wash the night away, and then go make things up to Mic. Yes, that's what she would do. She would forget the feel of Harm's caress too.

Her mind made up, she uncovered her face and took one last look at her mirror. It was starting to steam over, but her eyes caught something even through the haze. There, on her hip, were the bruises she had known would form. They looked worse than she'd expected, and as she gazed at the dark purple thumbprint on her front, she remembered how it had hurt—and how she deserved it.

Mac lathered up her loofah for the second time and ran it over her breast and stomach, wondering how long she could stay here under the hot water before Mic came looking for her. She needed these minutes of solitude to clear her mind. Inside her brain was a jumble of images—Harm settling his jacket around her shoulders, brushing her tears away as they reminisced, Harm's lips, his hands, Mic's anger and hurt, Mic's rough kiss and bruising touch—

Tears filled Mac's eyes as she scrubbed past her bruises. There was an ache there, but it couldn't match the ache in her heart. Nothing was as it should be. Despondently, Mac threw down her loofah and leaned forward toward the shower tiles to rest her forehead on her crossed arms. She wished she could hide away here forever.

"Oh, luv…"

Mac gasped and turned around. Mic now stood in the shower with her, nude, and before she could say anything, he lowered himself onto his knees before her.

"I am so sorry." He leaned forward and kissed the bruise on her front. "I'd never hurt you, Sarah, you know that, don't you?" He kissed her there again.

But you did, Mic.

But what you did was worse, Sarah, don't you think?

Mac stroked her fingers through Mic's hair. "I know, Mic. I know you'd never hurt me."

"Oh, Sarah. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah," he called and kissed his way up her body. His hands followed his mouth as he stood, lingering at her breasts. He was hard and his manhood nudged her core. She fought the urge to push him away even as she pulled him closer, needing his forgiveness, needing to forget the disastrous turn of the evening.

"I need you, Sarah."

"Yes, Mic."

"I love you, Sarah."

"Me too, Mic." She wrapped her arms around him, and he kissed her fully as she pulled him closer.

"I want to make you forget him." He was poised at her entrance.

"There's nothing to forget, Mic." And then she let him take her against the shower wall.

End Chapter 3