Trigger Warning on this Chapter.

Los Angeles, Henry, 2014

We finished our meal talking about nothing and everything. We laughed at memories of our stupid college days. We reminisced about our wedding and made fun of the cranky judge who married us. We talked about our babies, when they were actually babies. We shared anecdotes from our careers, and lessons learned. She even listened to me drone on about Aquinas for fifteen minutes. A small interested smile on her face the whole time. It didn't feel like a date, it felt right. It felt like what I've been missing for ten years. I've come to realize that I never replaced her in my life, because no one could ever fill the gap she left.

It's not too late, now as I walk into my hotel room. We shared a verbal goodbye, and she told me she'd take me to LAX tomorrow. Alone now, I remove the folded envelope from my back pocket. I take a deep breath and open it.

Henry,

I don't know if I have the words to explain to you how sorry I am for everything that has happened. I put you through things you did not deserve. I put our children through things they did not deserve. I want you to know, that I never stopped loving any of you either. I made decisions that changed all of our lives, but drowning everyone in hurt was never my intention.

I want you to know that I did what, I did because I was scared. I wanted to keep you all safe, and I didn't know what else to do.

The year I spent in that room, I fought as hard as I could to get home to you. The first time he raped me, I kept thinking about you and the kids, and how I just wanted to be home with you. I had this fantasy the entire time that I was there… You would make me pasta for dinner and we would listen as our girls told us about their days and little Jason would make a mess. I dreamed of you holding me at night, when I would lay on the mattress on the floor, holding my knees up to my chest, while my body throbbed in pain.

When I made it to Landstuhl, I couldn't wait for you to get there. I hadn't yet been informed that you weren't coming, that you thought I was dead. I had finally won my fight, I killed him, and you would be there soon to hold me, and kiss my pain away. I was kept in the dark for three days. It wasn't until a day after George got there that I was told you wouldn't be coming for me. Please don't blame George for that, he didn't know why at the time either. And I promise you he was there for me when I needed someone.

I went to your house in Pittsburgh three times after George discovered where you were. I tried to bring myself to walk up to the door, to knock on it. But I was so broken. I didn't know how to function anymore. The night that I saw Jason call Jessica mom, the last sliver of hope I had died. That's not your fault. I'm so happy that my kids had a mother. I know she has been a good one, I can feel it my bones. Plus, I know you wouldn't choose wrong.

I know you are committed to Jessica, and I have no intention of coming between you two. The only thing I'm asking for is your forgiveness.

I lied, maybe I'm asking two things. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I would like a chance to see the kids. I know I have a lot of trust to earn. I also know, that we would have to do it in a healthy way. I would not ask to come back into their lives and step on yours and Jessica's toes, and be their parent. But I would like to know them.

You are the love of my life Henry McCord. I will be forever grateful for you.

Love Always,

Elizabeth

I don't try to keep the tears away, the sobs either, coming just as hard as the day she "died". Hearing of her pain, somehow magnifies mine. I believe in God. In a just and fair, all loving and omnipotent God. But how could God let this happen to her? To know now, that she was out here, alone and in pain. It breaks my heart in a way that her death didn't. She shouldn't have gone through any of this.

And now, I'm supposed to leave her. I'm supposed to go back to Pittsburgh and pretend that these last two days did not happen. I'm supposed to be a father and a husband. I'm supposed to do that for her, so she can fight for her life, once again. But at least this time, I can keep in touch with her, I can call her, I can check on her. I can help her, and I can pray for her, give her strength and hope.

Elizabeth

I stopped at Target on the way home. Picking up three blank greeting cards. Sitting down at my desk, I write my kids a promise. A promise that I will keep them safe. A promise that I love them. A promise that I will fight for them. I seal them with in their envelopes, label them and put them in their boxes. I place the boxes in a canvas bag. And then the bag goes into one half of my suitcase.

I take my time packing the rest. I grab the box from behind the books once again. I place the St. Christopher necklace around my neck fastening into place, hoping it still has whatever prayer power Henry put it in left. I remove my mother's ring from its place on my key chain and put it back on my right middle finger. Carrying it proudly as a reminder of why I'm doing this. I place my real identification documents in a file folder. That folder in my backpack, behind my laptop. I take the damning flash drive and carefully tuck into the inside zipped pocket.

I take my notebook back out reading through my previous thoughts, and open my laptop. I start an email, my hands shaking as I type it.

From: Lisa Aldin

To: Isabel Barnes, Juliet Humphrey

Subject: Meeting Request

Meet me at the clubhouse Thursday 3 PM.

I don't know if they know I'm alive. But I hope I left enough of a clue in the email to prove my existence. Only the three of us know what the clubhouse is. A shitty dive bar in Baltimore. We used to meet a Russian ex-pat who always had information smuggled out of the Kremlin. It takes me a few more minutes to think about it, and then I hit send. I'm going to need their help.

I finish packing and book my flight to Dulles, it leaves two hours after Henry's to Pittsburgh. I call my boss and request the time off for a family emergency. I call the barn I board Susie at and make sure she will be taken care of, for the next three weeks. Elizabeth McCord is alive and well. And she is coming for Conrad Dalton.