ACxOCU Ch 28. A Not So Average Brown Halloween.
(It is a brisk autumn evening and Cleveland is on his way home after work, as he walks up the sidewalk to his house Rallo who was hiding in the bushes pops out.)
"Raaaaawwwwwrrrr!" Rallo screams at him as he pops up startling Cleveland who throws a punch catching him dead center in the face knocking him out cold.
"It's just Rallo." Says Cleveland breathing heavily while holding his chest.
"Cleveland is that you?" Calls Donna from inside the house.
"Yeah I'm fine." Replies Cleveland with worry showing in his voice as he looks down at Rallo still unconscious on the lawn, "I'm sure he'll be fine."
"Cleveland, did you see Rallo? He said he was going out to surprise you." Shouts Donna.
"Ye-yeah he was so excited from my reaction he said he needed to lay down in the bushes." Replies Cleveland slowly dragging Rallo to the bushes and dropping him onto them then he heads inside.
"You'll remember to pass out the candy while I'm gone right?" Asks Donna as she takes a purple bowl out and begins filling it with candy.
"Yeah I won't forget." Says Cleveland looking around nervously.
"What's wrong with you, you're acting weird." Asks Donna turning towards him.
"Well you know how every year me and the guys pick a person to be it and prank them?" Replies Cleveland.
"I remember asking you to stop doing that with them…" Remarks Donna rolling her eyes.
"And I remember asking you not to drink wine in bed, so I guess we're both disappointed." Replies Cleveland quickly.
"Cleveland!" Donna begins.
"I'm sorry Donna I didn't mean that I'm just really on edge and all cuz I'm it!" Replies Cleveland.
"Ugh…Cleveland any other time I would love to help you but not tonight. I have the Halloween festival at the school I need to help with." Sighs Donna grabbing the candy bowl and walking out the door but then she sees Rallo unconscious in the bushes, "Whatever…." She says propping him up against the door and putting the candy bowl in his lap then walks to her car, gets in then drives off.
"Alright Cleveland everything is going to be fine…heh heh…. Just fine, they're not going to prank me that bad." Cleveland says to himself nervously walking up to the door and locking it then peering out the window by the door.
(Suddenly Peter looks at him through the window making Cleveland jump.)
"Cleveland answer the door!" Calls Peter from outside.
"No! Because the second I do you'll prank me." Replies Cleveland adamantly.
"Joe still has your spare keys from when you had him housesit." Says Peter.
"Rully?" Cleveland says now panicking as the door is being unlocked, "Please guys just don't make it bad." Cleveland says as he quivers shielding his face.
"Calm down, we're doing something different this year." Says Peter as he Joe and Quagmire walk in.
"Well that's a relief." Sighs Cleveland.
"Yeah I bought a Ouija board from some online shop called Gus's Knick Knack Shack and figured we'd try it out." Replies Peter
"Well I guess that's better than pranking me so sure why not." Says Cleveland.
Meanwhile Quagmire is smelling the air, "Cleveland why does it always smell like old ham in here?"
"No reason…." Says Cleveland closing a laptop that was on a site called onlyhams, "Ham ham ham ham." He quietly says to himself.
"I guess he was out hamboning again." Says Joe with a laugh.
"Quiet Joe." Says Quagmire
"Well let's set this up and have a fun night." Says Peter walking towards the back den.
"Careful Donna's Auntie Momma is in the back guest room." Says Cleveland.
"Oh?" Says Quagmire with interest.
"Glenn, you don't want any of that. He's really good at hiding the candy." Says Cleveland looking at Quagmire.
"Well alright heh heh sounds like a fun ti…wait he?" Replies Quagmire in confusion, "Know what I've been with worse." Says Quagmire walking in anyways.
"Well hello to you I'm Auntie Momma and I'm outrageous! (Farts loudly.) Oop pooped a little." Says Auntie Momma.
"Nope." Says Quagmire walking back out.
"Mhmm bless shis heart they'll be 86 in May." Says Cleveland smuggly.
"Is everything in your house gross or depressing?" Asks Peter.
"You learn to accept it also pot helps." Replies Cleveland.
"Are we doing this Ouija board or what?" Asks Joe impatiently.
"Come on." Says Cleveland waving them into the den.
As they walk into Peter is looking around then says, "Y'all redecorating?"
"Thank you Peter, glad you noticed it. Do you like it?" Asks Cleveland.
""No." Replies Peter bluntly.
"Awww…" Sighs Cleveland sadly.
"Let's get this over with. I have a 11pm giggity appointment." Says Quagmire grabbing the Ouija board from Peter and setting it on the table.
(They all sit down and put their hands on the planchette.)
"Oh spirits we beseech you, is there anyone who wants to talk to us tonight?" Asks Peter out loud.
(Silence.)
"Oh spirits once again we ask if there is anyone who wants to talk to us?!" Peter asks again.
"This is less fun than I thought it would be." Says Joe.
"Yeah I'm going to go use the bathroom then probably just go." Quagmire chimes in getting up and walking off.
"Well this was a bust piece of junk." Says Peter looking at the Ouija board.
(Suddenly all the power in the house cuts out.)
"Wha-what's happening?" Asks Peter.
"I don't know but I'll go get a flashlight." Says Cleveland getting up.
(Thwack!")
"Bitch!" Screams Cleveland in pain, "I hit my knee on the motherloving table!"
(Suddenly the lights come back on and in front of Cleveland is a figure dressed in white.)
"Aaaaahhhh!" Screams Cleveland falling backwards onto the ground.
(The figure is revealed to be Quagmire.)
"Bahahaha." We got you good laughs Peter.
"You guys are the worst kind of jerky boys." Says Cleveland getting up.
"Guys." Says Joe, "Hey guys you might want to look at this."
"What is it Joe?" Asks Peter turning around and he sees Joe point at the planchette on the Ouija board now moving on its own.
(The planchette slowly begins to spell something K…N…O…C…K K…N…O…C…K.)
"What the hell does that mean?" Asks Peter.
"How am I supposed to know?" Replies Cleveland.
"Shhhh y'all hear that." Asks Quagmire.
"It sounds like it's coming from the TV." Says Joe looking at the television.
(Tap tap, tap tap, tap tap goes the TV screen.)
(The planchette spells K…N…O…C…K K…N…O…C…K.)
"Who's there?" Asks Cleveland nervously.
Suddenly there's a pale chubby face with blonde hair on the TV, "It's Donny!" Says the voice.
"Holy shit it's Donny!" Screams Cleveland freaking out.
"I don't know who that is…." Replies Peter really confused.
"He killed me just like you killed his show." Replies Donny coming out of the TV.
"Oh come on man I was just finally getting over that." Replies Cleveland.
"Oh well I'm sorry you lost your show but at least you're still alive asshole!" Snarls Donny.
"Not my fault you were a racist unfunny annoyance who died trying to murder me and my family!" Shouts Cleveland back at him.
"Oh well I guess that's fine I guess I'll just go back to hell…oh wait I still have a little bit of a bone to pick with you (a ghostly ice pick materializes in hand.) Get it?" Says Donny with a laugh then swings the ice pick at Cleveland.
"He really hates you." Says Peter.
"Ya think?" Says Cleveland sarcastically now hiding behind the couch.
"Come on Cleveland I just wanted to axe you if you'd join me in hell? Haha." Says Donny as a newly materialized axe comes crashing through the couch splitting it in half making Cleveland stand up to avoid getting hit.
"Don't worry Cleveland, I know what to do!" Shouts Joe riding towards Cleveland with a bunch of salt.
(Joe throws the salt at Donny making him disappear momentarily but the rest of the salt goes straight into Cleveland's eyes.)
"My eyes! Joe you stupid bastard." Screams Cleveland painfully.
Donny reappears, "Y'all are really bad at fighting ghosts but you know what? You won't have to feel salty about anything much longer." He says materializing another axe beginning to raise his arms for the killing blow.
"Leave him alone you ghost bastard." Says Peter making Donny turn towards him, seeing him holding a vacuum.
"Or what?" Asks Donny with a smile.
"Quagmire now!" Shouts Peter prompting him to plug in the vacuum.
"Nooooooo!" Shouts Donny as he gets pulled into the vacuum.
"I can't believe that worked." Says Peter.
"You're telling me." Replies Cleveland walking towards him.
"What do you want to do with him?" Asks Peter.
"I think I have an idea." Replies Cleveland with a smile.
(It shows the Ouija board with the vacuum down next to the trash can.)
Later.
"Well that was fun." Peter says as him Joe and Quagmire turn to leave.
(When they open the door they see Rallo now awake.)
"Why do I have a bowl and what the fuck happened to my face?" Pointing at his face with all the penis doodles scribbled on it.