"Right now, I believe it would be wise to get lunch. Why? Because – "
A pair of hands slammed down onto Shino's shoulders.
"All right! Thanks for taking care of Hinata, guys. Ya know, I was just thinking, Ichiraku is having a special today – "
Shino's face darkened.
Kiba gritted his teeth.
Hinata beamed like the sun had decided to shine that day, just for her, only for her.
"So Hinata, race you there!"
Naruto rushed off, tugging Hinata along with him, her long, dark hair swishing in the wind. Akamaru barked after them.
"I thought he was going to race her," Kiba grumbled.
"He completely ignored our presence. Again." Shino stared after the happy couple, voice flat, dark, and a little menacing. Small cracks appeared on his glasses.
Once was a coincidence. Twice was somewhat irritating. Three times was extremely irritating.
The fourth time Naruto intercepted Team 8 at the gates of Konoha, newly returned from a mission, just to drag Hinata away to Ichiraku with that stupid, stupid smile of his, Shino and Kiba finally snapped.
"THAT'S IT! NARUTO, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO CAN PLAY DIRTY!" Kiba roared after stupid Naruto and his stupid smile, taking their teammate off to stupid, stupid Ichiraku and cutting into their precious Team 8-only missions and get-togethers.
Naruto didn't appear to have heard, he and Hinata mere specks in the distance now.
"SHINO!"
"You do not have to shout. Why? Because I am right here." Shino clenched his fists so hard that his knuckles turned ghostly pale. He turned to meet Kiba's identical burning gaze. "We must take vengeance on the buffoon. Why? Because – "
"Man, I'm happy for them and all, but does he have to butt in like this all the time? I mean, I wouldn't be this annoying about my girlfriend."
"You would be far worse than him," Shino snapped.
"No, I wouldn't!"
"Yes, you would."
"No, I wouldn't!"
"Yes, you would."
"FINE. I'll prove it. I, Inuzuka Kiba, will be the LEAST ANNOYING boyfriend on the planet! WAY LESS annoying than Naruto! Wanna bet on it, Shino?"
"No. Why? Because you don't even have a girlfriend."
"I do too!"
"Prove your claim."
"How?"
"Tea."
Kiba squinted suspiciously at Shino.
"Take a photo of yourself and your girlfriend having tea with your relatives."
Kiba grinned, showing all his teeth. "That's it?"
"No. It must be a peaceful affair. No fighting. No squabbling. No stupidity. I will issue the same challenge to Hinata. If Naruto irritates the Hyuuga, you win. If your imaginary companion irritates your family, then he wins."
Kiba grinned again. His canines glinted in the light.
That would be a piece of cake. Hinata's father was the most constipated-looking man Kiba ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on. You could irritate him by breathing. There was no way that he could ever lose with Tamaki on his side.
"It's a deal."
"Very well." Shino stalked off. "Now if you'll excuse me, I must get vengeance on that buffoon."
"Huh? Wait a sec, you can't do that without me!"
"I very well can."
"No, you can't!"
"Yes, I can."
"Oi, Shino! Wait up! SHINO."
The scent of salmon wafted from his home and onto the street. Salmon. Tamaki's cats' favorite.
Kiba smirked, cracking his knuckles. Knowing Hinata's constipated father, Naruto was most likely facing an impending war that would crack the Hyuuga household at its very foundations. That clan was prim and proper, expecting perfect manners and painful seiza. They never spoke in slang, being snobbish, aristocratic, and with giant sticks up their rear ends.
Naruto was orange. There was no way that "tea" with Hinata's family would ever go down well.
This would be the easiest victory Kiba ever scored against him.
"So, anyway, Hana," Kiba said, arms behind his head, strolling into the house leisurely. "This is my girlfriend from Sora-ku! Tamaki! Her grandma is Nekobaa, and – "
"Nekobaa?" Hana looked up from lunch, eyes landing on Tamaki, then on Tamaki's arms with their telltale cat scratch marks, and finally on the fluffy brown cat resting contentedly in Tamaki's arms. She dropped her fork, her face turning red, then green, then a jaundiced yellow. "Did you just say Nekobaa?"
"Uh...yeah?"
"Your girlfriend's grandmother is Nekobaa?"
"What's the problem?" Kiba snapped, scowling. "How does it matter who her grandma is? Big sis, you better not be nasty to my girlfrie – "
"You fool! Of course it matters! Nekobaa is our clan's MORTAL ENEMY."
Mortal enemy echoed around the house, settling in, making itself cozy, almost mockingly.
It was like a long, low rumble, signifying the cymbal clash of the thunderbolt. The ominous tremors preceding an earthquake, and the way the ocean receded, revealing unfathomable depths before surging onto land. It was that tingling at the back of one's neck, making your hairs stand on end.
Mortal enemy.
They were mortal enemies. His and Tamaki's clans.
Mortal enemies.
Duck. Run away. Run far away. Take shelter and do not think of emerging until the wrecking ball had passed you by.
That was the funny, funny feeling in Kiba's mind when he heard the words mortal enemy.
Hana had by now long since abandoned thoughts of eating, scowling darkly.
"How long has it been since Hashirama-sama split us both off? Eighty years? No, I think it was ninety? Just a few years after the village's founding."
"Since the village's founding?" Kiba asked. "We've been mortal enemies with Nekobaa since back then?"
"It was the worst crisis Konoha had faced since Madara himself, the Great Cat-Dog War that split the village in two. The Hokage just barely managed to broker peace. People almost died, Kiba, they almost died. It was cat against dog, brother against sister, family against family. Inuzuka against Nekobaa's clan. We were never supposed to meet again."
Hana glanced around like she was in a daze. Her eyes landed on a glass of water. She lunged for it, gulping it up like a fish dropped headlong into the sand dunes of Sunagakure.
Kiba swore he heard Shino's voice in the back of his mind, saying I told you so. He viciously suppressed that annoying voice.
Hopefully the war at the Hyuuga compound would be worse. There was no way he would lose to Naruto over some bullshit Cat-Dog Wars from ninety years ago. He couldn't.
He glanced at Tamaki nervously. She looked just as baffled as he was. Clearly he wasn't the only one who hadn't received that history lesson in childhood.
Then the cat in her arms spoke.
"This place smells like dog urine, but the salmon's pretty nice, mongrels!"
He jumped out of Tamaki's arms and landed directly in front of Hana's half-eaten plate of salmon, pawing at the spoon. A deep growl emanated off in some distant corner of the house.
There was a long, still silence.
"Ma's gonna be pissed when she finds out," Hana said.
"I told you so," Shino said smugly, taking in Kiba's mummy-wrapped form, the purple swelling near his left eye, the odd-looking cat scratch marks criss-crossing his arms.
It was horrible. So horrible. Everyone in the village heard the commotion. People fifty miles away heard the commotion. The Hokage had to intervene. People almost died. He almost died.
Shino held up a photograph.
It was horrible. So horrible. It was Naruto. It was Naruto and the entire Hyuuga clan, posing for a family portrait. Naruto and the snobbish, aristocratic, sticks-up-their asses Hyuuga clan. They were smiling. All of them. Even the Head Constipated.
Hinata's sister was holding up a V sign, sticking her tongue out at the camera, sticking her tongue out at him.
Once again, something inside Kiba snapped.
A/N: Yeah, I said this was finished, but I received another prompt for Kiba introducing Tamaki to his family, and I thought, why not? It's really, truly finished now! Anyway, tell me what you think. :)