A New York Evening

by SugarFap

Based on the Video Killed The Radio Star episode in s23. Trevor and Olivia's date at the gala and what happens afterwards. Originally a one shot but with all the lovely comments and encouragement, this will be multichapter :)

16. Chapter 16

Hello everyone,

This chapter comes with huge trigger warning for self harm, please be advised that its a big part of this chapter so please take care of yourself if you choose to read it.

Aside from that, things may be starting to look up for everyone. Let me know what you think…

---

"Trev, Ava's crying and I tried to cheer her up but she won't stop," Noah whispered to Trevor so that Ava wouldn't be able to hear him tattling on her.

"Oh, what's wrong?," he asked, also lowering his voice.

Noah shrugged, "I think she's really scared about school tomorrow. She asked me to go away," he paused, "but in a nice way."

"Alright. Mom'll be home in a few minutes but let's put dinner on hold for a minute and go see if she'll talk to us." He turned the stovetop off and grabbed Noah's hand and let him lead him to where Ava was.

Ava was packing her school bag, shivering from sobs. "Hey…" Trevor greeted her gently. She didn't look up. "What's going on, honey?"

She turned to Noah with frustration, "Why'd you have to open your big mouth!," she snapped.

"Ava!" Trevor admonished her, he glanced at Noah who took a step closer to him, half standing behind him.

"I was just worried," Noah replied in a tiny voice.

"Apologise," he commanded his daughter bluntly, "I'm sorry that you're upset and I want us to talk about it but you don't get to speak to any of us like that," he said firmly.

"I'm not apologising, I meant it," she doubled down mid-sob. It broke Trevor's heart to see his daughter so apart at the seams but unwilling to discuss it.

"Okay, when you're ready to apologise you can come and speak to us like a regular person. I've taught you better than to be spiteful and Noah doesn't deserve your behaviour," he told her. He put an arm around Noah and guided him out back in to the hallway, pulling Ava's door closed.

"Trev, I'm not upset with Ava," he said softly, "I don't want her to cry, I just want to give her a hug, we shouldn't be mad. She can apologise later."

Trevor could hear Olivia coming in the door below. "I think Ava might need a minute or two to compose herself," he told him, "come on, let's go say hi to Mom and I'll come and talk to Ava in a few minutes."

They went downstairs as Liv put her bag down. She looked tired. She grinned when she saw her two boys. "Hi my loves!" She held her arms out to Noah. She gave him a hug and picked him up. "I missed you babe! Did you have a good day with Trevor and Ava?"

He nodded, "Yeah! We went to see about swim club, Mommy!"

"Oh wow! I can't wait to hear about it…." She set him down. She gave Trevor a kiss hello.

"We're in the middle of a little drama, but everyone is okay. I just turned dinner off for a second," he informed her, "but I'm gonna go sort it out in a moment."

"Oh?" Liv rose an eyebrow, "what happened? Where's Ava?"

"Ava was crying and she told me to go away and then I told Trevor cos I was worried and she yelled at me," he told her.

"Somebody is very emotional and I don't know why, she was told to apologise and she doubled down so…" he drew in a deep breath, "why don't you go get changed and hopefully I'll have sorted out the teen girl stuff by then—"

Olivia smiled at him, he looked a little frazzled. "Okay which drama do you want help with? I can do teen girl talk or I can take over dinner with Noah as soon as I get changed."

"No drama, I want you to be able to come home and relax, you did 14 hours, Liv… I'm sure your feet and back ache and you want nothing more than a glass of red."

"They are and I do, but I am happy to be home with you guys and I can handle it. Now, which one?," she asked him again.

"I'll go speak to Ava," he said, "but dinner is almost done, so please… just go and get changed."

"Okay, Noah, could you please set the table?" Olivia asked him, "Mom's gonna dash upstairs and get changed and I'll be right back down to help you."

"Sure!" Noah beamed, happy to have his Mom home since she had left before he woke up for school.

/

Trevor opened Ava's bedroom door and saw his daughter sitting on her bed, startled, scrambling to pick up something that she had dropped. It took a few moments for his brain to process what he was seeing. His knees could have buckled beneath him and the wind was sucked out of him.

"Ava!," he sputtered, panicked, "what are you doing!," he rushed to her aid.

His daughter panicked too, holding whatever it was enclosed in her hand, pulling a sleeve down quickly as if he might not have noticed the pools of blood slowly seeping in to the material of her long-sleeved shirt.

He grabbed her hand, prying it open. "Liv!" He called, ignoring his daughter's pleas to stop and to let go of her. She tried to fight him for a moment until he pulled the small razor blade from her hand that looked like it had been removed from a disposable shaver. "Olivia!," he called again urgently.

"Dad, stop it! Stop!," she begged.

Olivia appeared in the doorway. "Can you take this?," without context he carefully handed her the corner of the razor. Olivia nearly choked on her own breath. She converted back in to work mode.

"How bad is it?," she asked, "ER bad or…?" She came in and set the razor down held up her hand to Trevor as if to ask him to leave for for a second, to let go of her. "Trev?"

She realised Trevor was shell-shocked, he couldn't speak, he stood up and paced the room, running his hand over his face harshly as if nothing else could be heard save for the sounds of his loud thoughts pulsating through his temples.

Not his daughter…

"Sweetheart, I need you to take a big deep breath," Liv ignored him for a moment and coached her, "you're panicking and I need you to just be calm, it's alright, you're not in trouble, but you need to breathe…" Ava was sobbing, deep, hiccuping sobs, trying so hard to do as Olivia said.

Trevor knew he needed to get himself together, he wondered how Olivia could be so calm. He took a deep breath and went to sit back down beside his daughter, following Liv's advice and taking a deep breath, trying to remain in control of his emotions.

"Honey, its alright," Liv insisted, "give me a biiiig, deep breath, come on, you can do it," she counted to three and Ava finally was able to suck in air and let it go. Olivia continued, coaching until she was able to breathe a little through her tears.

"Its okay," she said in a soft voice, kneeling on the floor before the bed. "Trev," she glanced at him, realising that he was freaking out just as hard, "can you get me a warm wash cloth," she asked.

He was better at tasks, he knew, if he knew he could fix it or at least make it better, it was easier. He spotted Noah in the hallway, "hey kiddo," he said, trying to fix the absolute horror from his expression, "Mom is helping me with Ava for a moment, do you think you could please go downstairs? You can use the iPad until Mom or I come back down."

"Is Ava okay?," he asked. Truthfully, he didn't know, all he could focus on was the blood on her sleeves.

"Yeah kiddo, Ava will be okay, Mom and I both have to talk to her, k? Promise we won't be long," he said giving his best smile.

"Okay, I'll go play Minecraft."

"Good man, thanks Noah."

Trevor continued to the bathroom and got the cloth for Olivia.

/

"Babe, I just want to see how bad this is, alright?" Olivia nodded toward Ava's wrist. She clutched it against her chest and shook her head 'no'. Liv reached for her hand and slowly pulled it away from her, "come on, it's okay, let me see and we can fix it, no matter how bad or how mild, we can fix it, it'll be okay."

Gingerly, Olivia pulled back her sleeve. It made sense now why Trevor's daughter never took off all the bracelets on her left arm. There were scars, some new, some not, but there were many and Olivia realised it was something that had probably been going on for a long time since she came in to Trevor's full time care.

"Oh, sweetie…" she murmured, "this is kind of deep…" her voice trailed, feeling nauseous and sick with pain for the teen.

"I'm sorry," Ava sobbed.

"Don't be sorry, its okay, you just took Dad off-guard but he's not angry with you, we just want to patch you up and then we'll take it one step at a time."

Trevor caught the end of what Olivia had told his daughter. He let out a slow breath as he made his way back in to his daughter's bedroom. Ava couldn't look at him and to see her shame, hurt to the depth of his soul. "Here…" he could barely manage a whisper, afraid he would choke on his words.

Olivia glanced up at him and saw the pain and hurt across his face. He took a seat beside his daughter and Olivia guided her wrist across his lap. He unfolded the cloth that dripped slightly with warm water and placed it over his daughter's tiny, scarred wrist. He held down over the cut firmly with his palm.

"What do you think?" Trevor asked, feeling his heart in his throat. "Stitches?"

"No, I think it'll be okay, just … give it a second to see how the bleeding goes," Olivia told him softly. She glanced at Ava. Trevor put his free arm around his daughter. She finally leaned in to him, burying her face in to his arm.

"Its okay, sweetie," he told her, "we'll work it out, I promise, I don't want this to be your outlet, this is … too much for you, for all of us."

Olivia stood up and took the razor to discard it safely. She stood went to their bedroom and pulled out her phone. She opened up her group chat. Can one of you guys please send me the urgent care psychologist's number who's working tonight, I need some advice. Thanks x.

She went to the bathroom to grab some anti-septic and a bandage or a band-aid, depending on which was more necessary.

"Okay Dad, let's take a look…" Olivia directed him. He took his daughter's hand and slowly lifted the warm cloth. She looked at it closely, getting back on her knees again to inspect it. "It seems okay, I don't think it's bleeding very much." She glanced up at Ava, "honey, scale of 1-10 how bad is the pain?"

She shrugged, "its okay."

"Let's put some antiseptic on it and cover it over with some cotton and a bandage," she suggested.

"Thanks Liv," Trevor murmured. He watched his girlfriend tend to his teenage daughter who he thought he knew well, he thought trusted him to come to him to tell him her problems, who he could appropriately comfort and build up when she was overwhelmed and upset.

The scars told otherwise and he'd never felt like such a huge failure.

"There you go… we'll take a look at it again in the morning and replace it with a bandaid as long as it looks okay," Olivia told her.

"Okay," she said softly. "I'm sorry," she breathed the words out as her voice broke.

"No, no, honey, I'm sorry, I didn't listen-" Trevor blurted out, his own voice breaking up. He hugged his daughter tightly. "I should have done better for you-" Olivia could see that his eyes were full of tears.

"Let's pause," Liv suggested. "I think everyone needs to take a deep breath. We're just glad you're okay and we are glad we know that this is how you cope, Ava, we can move forward and find you a better way, but nobody is mad and it's nobody's fault," she eyed both of them. "I think we go wash your face and take a minute and Dad can go downstairs and collect his thoughts and we'll talk about this a little bit later, okay?"

Ava nodded.

"How are you feeling? 1-10?" Liv asked her, "1 is panicky, scared, overwhelmed and 10 is calm, knowing that we can figure it out and you can see clearly outside of this situation," Liv asked, a question that she often went through with survivors who had been immediately pulled from traumatic situations.

Ava wiped her eyes, "maybe … four? Five…"

"Okay, that's fine, we are just gonna do some deep breathing together, Dad too," she told the fourteen year old. She glanced at Trevor who she could tell was barely holding it together.

She went through a few techniques with them. "Dad, why don't you give Ava a big hug and go and take a minute," she desperately didn't want Trevor to continue apologising to his daughter — she knew from experience that kids especially tried to protect their parents or loved ones by covering up their hurting. Trevor blaming himself and apologising to her had the capacity to make it worse.

"Ava and Noah and I will finish making dinner and maybe after we can help Ava pack her school bag and talk about tomorrow and how we can make it a nice day for everyone."

"Thanks baby," Trevor murmured, knowing he would never have been able to cope if it weren't for Olivia and her wealth of experience and boundless capacity to love him and his daughter.

"Angel," he said directly to Ava, "I love you so much, you have no idea. I am so glad," he paused to compose himself. He cleared his throat, "I am so glad to know that this is going on, because I never want you to have to hide anything from me. I want to help you and I'll never, ever be mad at you for looking for ways to cope… life is hard, I understand that, I will always help you as best as I can without question, you know that, don't you?"

Ava dared to look in to her father's teary eyes. She nodded slowly. "Yes," she bit her lip. "I'm so sorry, I didn't want to upset you."

"No," he kissed her forehead. "Don't you be sorry, not for any of this." He kissed her again. "Give me a big hug, that'll make us both feel a bit better, I think."

He wrapped his arms around his daughter and held her firmly. "I love you Ava Grace Langan, you are the absolute light of my life… I need you to know that," he told her, kissing the crown of her head. His daughter rested his head on his chest and felt the relief wash over her that he truly wasn't angry.

"I love you too, Dad," she murmured, taking a deep breath and letting it out.

He pulled away and stroked her hair, looking at his thin, blonde replication who always seemed just that bit more poised and graceful than he could have ever dreamed to be. "Its my life goal to see you happy, sweetheart, I hope you know that. I wish I could just blink and fix it all for you."

"I know," she wiped her eyes. He kissed her cheek.

"I'm going to go and take a minute and finish our dinner and spend a moment with Noah…"

"Okay," she nodded.

"Liv will get me if you need me…" he was reluctant to leave her but she seemed a little bit calmer.

/

Liv checked her phone and saw there was a phone number from both Carisi and Amanda almost at the same time. "Babe, tell me, how do you feel about school tomorrow?"

"Absolutely terrified…" Ava replied, "its so stupid, but my heart is racing when I think about it and I can't get it out of my head. I won't know a single person."

"Dad and I will both come with you in the morning to meet with your principal and go to your class and after school, Noah has his dance class that Lucy is taking him to and you're going to walk over to my work and do your homework and hang out with Amanda and meet everyone while you wait for me."

"Okay," Ava agreed. "What if you're out at a crime?," she wondered.

"Its fine, I'll make sure someone is here for you and if I'm too far away Dad can come and pick you up."

"I could walk home," Ava suggested.

"No, I'd prefer if you didn't. Besides, I'm kind of excited to introduce you to my team," she gave her a smile.

Ava managed to return one back; it was weary and slight but it was something and Olivia took it as a win.

"Are you feeling any better than 15minutes ago?" Olivia pressed.

Ava nodded. "A little bit."

"I can see that your heart rate has slowed down a little and you've stopped crying. "Come with me to Dad's bathroom and we'll both wash our faces; I need to get my make up off and you need to rest a hot cloth on your face," she told her, "that will make you feel a thousand times better, I promise."

/

"Do you think this tastes like it should?" Trevor asked Noah, spiking a piece of tortellini with his fork and handing it to the 9 year old who sat on the counter top beside the stove.

Noah took a bite and chewed for a moment and nodded, "yeah its good, Trev," he smiled, "when's Mom and Ava gonna be finished talking?," he sighed, "I'm so hungry."

"Not long, promise. Ava was really sad and we had to talk to her but I think she's okay now," he lied.

At that, as if hearing him, both of them came down the stairs. "See, here they are…" Trevor smiled at Noah and put on his best normal face for his daughter. He tried to keep his eyes from automatically drawing to the bandage around her wrist.

"Guys, take a seat at the table, Noah and I are going to dish up tonight, aren't we, kiddo?," he asked Olivia's son.

"Yeah! Trevor and I just made a sauce for the pasta!" He told them excitedly.

"I can't wait to try it," Ava told the little boy, feeling bad for yelling at him. "I bet it'll be good." She made her way in to the kitchen, "Noah, I'm sorry for being mean to you before…" she told him.

He shrugged, "that's okay, you were just upset, I can be mean when I'm upset sometimes, can't I, Mom?"

"Yeah, I think it happens to us all," Olivia greed with her little boy.

"Still, I'll try my hardest not to be mean to you, especially when it isn't your fault. I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Thanks Ava, but its okay, I forgive you," he smiled. She leaned over and gave him a hug.

"You're the best, I love you," she told him. Noah beamed happily and hugged her right back.

Trevor and Olivia exchanged weary but relieved glances, sad for what was going on but happy that their kids brought each other joy.

Ava sat down at the table with Olivia. She watched Olivia play with her phone, texting away and she knew without a word that it was about her. She was serious, concentrated and tapping away as if there was no one else in the room.

What happened, Liv? Are you still at work or on a job? Sonny wanted to know.

No, its a home issue with Trevor's daughter. She's starting a new school tomorrow and I've got her coming in the precinct directly after work. If I'm not there, can you guys just make sure she goes and sits in my office or works on her homework or something? We can't leave her alone right now and Trevor has court all afternoon and then a debrief after which shouldn't see him finish til around 6.

Absolutely fine, Liv, I think even Barba is in tomorrow… maybe we could sit her with him. :)

Sonny loved to tease Rafael but really he looked up to him and hoped to eventually become an ADA just like him.

Very funny, I don't hang out with teenage girls and I don't want to know about them. I don't even like defending them to be honest.

Get over yourself, this is not your average teen. You'd be a better man for knowing her. Thanks for the phone numbers. I'm adding Trevor to this chat later and so help me, if any of you embarrass me, I will get you. Especially you, Raf.

Can we stop inviting people to this group chat! I don't need Trevor to join. I am going to leave if you add Trevor, don't do it Olivia, this was such a great chat up until a week ago.

Hey! Olivia almost laughed at Sonny's instant response.

She locked her phone and put it face down as Trevor placed a bowl before both her and Ava and Noah brought the bread to the table's centre.

"How did the swimming club meeting go, guys?" Olivia asked, trying to ask something fresh and non-dramatic.

The kids both looked at Trevor knowing that his decision would be final. "It was really positive. The kids liked a lot of things about it and Noah would have to begin with some lessons for the first 6 weeks. Training will be before school on Fridays and Wednesday mornings, no after school trainings. We'd have Saturday morning training and swim meets on the first weekend of every month and if the kids qualify, they'll go regionals and so forth, depending on how far…" Trevor explained.

Olivia winced. "So, a couple of super early mornings per week huh…"

"Yeah," Trevor smiled at her, knowing exactly what she was thinking. "But it will be nice to not have too many after school activities, right guys?" He asked both of the kids.

"Yeah," Noah replied. He didn't care, he liked to wake up early especially if he was excited about the reason.

"What do you think, Ava?" Liv asked, "do you think you'd rather swim in a local swim club rather than school?"

"Mmmm yeah," she said with a nod. "Dad pointed out that it'll be nice to have separate friends from school, that maybe I could still join swim club at school or just stay casual swimming at the school sporting days."

"That sounds like a good idea," Liv smiled. "What about you, babe, do you think you can do the super early mornings? Because I have to tell you, once you commit, its important that you don't try to quit when early mornings get hard or complain to us about it. We only want you to do this if you want to do this."

"I wanna do it, I wanna be like Ava," he smiled at her.

Ava managed to smile back at him, ignoring the conversations she knew she was going to have to have once he had gone to bed. "I'd like to give it a try too, if you guys are able to commit to make sure we can get there twice a week."

"Of course," Trevor said. "One of my greatest joys is watching you swim, sweetheart and it'll be made double special when we see Noah swim too," he smiled.

"But remember, we just have to try for maybe 3 to 6months and if it isn't working out, you just have to tell us, but you have to give it a good try," Olivia reminded them mostly for Noah's benefit. "Sometimes things are harder than they look, but hard work always pays off."

Ava knew that Olivia was directing the words to her son. She looked at Noah, "and guess what? I'll be joining your dance school too after summer."

"Oh, really? Is that true?" Noah looked at Trevor.

Trevor nodded and smiled. "Really, it's true," he told the little boy who didn't do much but push his food around. In fact, neither kid had eaten much.

"Guys, please eat your dinner, okay? Dad went to a lot of trouble to cook… you both have to eat," Olivia told them both, looking from child to child. Ava stabbed a tortellini and put it in her mouth and gave her Dad an uncomfortable smile.

"Is Ava gonna take me to school tomorrow?" Noah asked, "I'm gonna ask my teacher if I can visit her to say hello," he smiled.

"No, tomorrow Mom and I are taking both of you to school together…" Trevor replied, "Lucy will take you to dance because I'm working late and Ava is gonna go and meet Mom."

"Okay," Noah turned to his Mom, "Mommy did you have a good day at work?," he asked sweetly. Trevor couldn't help but to smile. He hadn't even thought to ask Olivia about her day yet.

"Thank you for asking me, honey, I had a good day. I got a lot of good work done today."

After they roused the kids to eat a little, they let them go upstairs to do their own thing for awhile, both concerned about Ava, but Olivia needed to talk to Trevor alone.

/

"Ok baby talk to me…" Olivia poured him a whisky and herself a second glass of red. "What are you feeling?," she wondered.

He took a long sip and glanced at her slowly shaking his head, looking for the right words. "I don't know, but all I can think about is to wonder what she's doing right now while we're standing here. I have … sixteen million questions and I want to fire every one of them at her but I know it's not fair."

"No, it's not… don't apologise to her, okay? One thing I know is that the more you say sorry, the worse she will feel and the more she will try to protect you by keeping it to herself," she warned him. "I know it's hard though."

He leaned back against the kitchen counter and took another sip of his drink. "I was thinking of pushing back her school start date."

Olivia shook her head, "Trevor, please don't… I can't tell you what to do, but… as soon as the kids come down here to watch TV, I'm gonna go call the urgent care psychologist from work and I'm going to see if she can come and talk to Ava directly after school tomorrow to try to figure out if this is something we can deal with together or if this is something that requires a lot of extra help because …" she sighed and threw her hands up, "there are some serious scars there and I'm betting that this was happening well before she moved in with you…"

"You think?"

Olivia nodded. "I think you could ask her and she'll be honest about it," she told him.

"I feel like this is something Sarah should be told about," he said slowly. "I mean… I don't want to be accused of keeping things from her and this is big, right?"

"I think the right thing to do would be to tell her and how she responds to that is entirely not your problem, but the right thing to do is to keep her updated and you can never be accused of shutting her out."

"Thanks Liv, for helping. If I didn't have you, I don't know what I would have done walking in to that situation." She stepped in to him and set her wine glass down. He put an arm around her and pulled her closer. She rested her head on his chest.

She held him for a few moments, feeling him drinking his whisky before setting it down and reciprocating her embrace. "Do you think we could tell them about Spain tonight?," he asked softly. "I just… want to give them both something to look forward to."

"Can we please just wait?," she asked, "I need to be able to find out if I can get the time, I don't want to promise something that we can't deliver. I also need us to really talk about it… if you have time tomorrow maybe you could look up some flights and I can find out what I can do time-wise?"

"Okay, that's fair," he sighed. Olivia looked up at him and gave him a gentle smile. "I think we need some Mom and Dad time to talk for real for real…"

He nodded. "Yeah, I was actually thinking that I might go for a walk clear my head if that's okay with you…"

"Of course. Why don't you go do that, I'll go get Noah ready with pyjamas and have a check on Ava."

"Thanks baby," he leaned over her and kissed her lips. He tucked her hair behind her ears and smiled wryly. "I want you to know that you are my absolute strength right now and I can't tell you how much I love you for being there for me and Ava. Thank you."

"You're welcome, love," she said softly, "I know you'd do the same for me if the situation was reversed."

/

"When's Dad gonna be home?" Ava asked Olivia as she sat up against the bed head of her father and Olivia's bed. They'd watched some stupid teen idol show she was in to and were three videos in to some hair tutorials on YouTube.

"He's on his way," Olivia replied glancing down at her phone. Trevor had been gone for over an hour. He really needed some air but was heading home before Ava's bed time to debrief with her. Olivia had texted him to mention she had some advice from the work psychologist. It was to be direct with questions but as long as they were factual and gentle and it was to treat her the same, no overcompensating.

Trevor was surprised to find his daughter and Olivia in his bed watching TV. He found a smile surfacing upon his lips as he lifted his hand to wave at two of the three of his greatest loves. "I'm just going to have a quick shower," he informed them before disappearing in to the bathroom and closing the door.

"Does Dad hate me?" Ava asked softly, feeling like he was avoiding her.

"What?!" Olivia almost laughed, "are you crazy? Your Dad loves you so much. I wish we could aptly convey what its like as parents to love our kids — its beyond your understanding. We would lay down everything we have including our own lives for you guys.

"I feel like he won't even look at me," she murmured.

"He will, he is just sad because he doesn't like to know you're hurting and in pain," Liv told her, putting an arm around her shoulder.

"Can we talk about something nicer?" Ava asked with a sigh, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder, cuddling in close to her.

"Sure… how do you feel about school tomorrow?," she wondered. "Scared? Excited?"

"Ugh," Ava sighed, "Something nicer than that…"

Olivia managed a laugh, "Okay, what do you want to talk about?," she asked.

"Could we maybe go and get our nails done on the weekend? Now that my new school isn't strict on that stuff, I thought maybe I could wear a fun nail polish."

"Sure babe, we can fit that in to our weekend, I'm sure…" Olivia told her, not wanting to give too much away yet.

Trevor came from the bathroom in a t-shirt and a pair of gym pants with slightly wet hair. "Fit what in to the weekend?," he wondered, unsure if Olivia had told her the plans already.

"Ava and I want to go get our nails done on the weekend."

"Nice," he smiled, "but nothing over the top, no talons or anything fake, just nail polish…" he spoke to his daughter knowing that type of thing wasn't Olivia's style thankfully.

Ava couldn't help but to smile back at his seriousness, "I was thinking of a set of long claws with extensive nail art, it's like you want to quell my individualism, Dad…" she sighed.

Trevor stared at her for a moment, "Honey, every other girl has claws on their hands with extensive nail art and you'd be more of an individual-" he caught sight of Olivia's smirk and Ava trying to stifle laughter.

He stopped speaking and sighed. Eventually he chuckled and pulled his covers back. "Very funny, Ava, getting me worked up for your own entertainment, very kind," he muttered but they both knew he was joking too.

There was silence for a moment until Trevor got himself comfortable and Ava knew it was coming. She wasn't stupid, there was a reason why Olivia had invited her in to their room to get comfortable and watch TV with her until her father got home.

"I guess we should talk, huh?," he suggested.

"We don't have to…"

"But…" he drew in a deep breath, "I actually think we need to in this case, sweetie."

Olivia turned the TV on mute. She gave Trevor an encouraging smile and nodded at him over the top of Ava's head. The teen sat up straight, feeling herself tense a little.

"When I came in to your room earlier, I got really scared because I thought that I had walked in to you attempting suicide, I didn't realise that you were self-harming in that moment and I was so scared you had done something irreversible," he told her calmly but it didn't replicate the panic that he had felt in the moment, his heart beat in his throat and his body had felt limp as if at any second he would crumple in the spot that he stood.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to scare you."

"No…" he shook his head, "I don't need you to apologise to me at all, I am just letting you know that I wasn't sure what I had walked in to and it was scary. I'm sure it was just as frightening to you but in a different way, to see me so unexpectedly and to know that I had found out the way that you have chosen to cope."

Olivia was proud of Trevor, handling the conversation calmly and without too much emotion that might overwhelm his daughter. "I just need to ask you a few questions," he started. "I want you to be truthful okay?"

She nodded.

"Are you feeling suicidal? If you are honest about it, I can help you, but I can't help you if you don't tell me. Regardless of how much that thought may scare me, I can handle it."

Ava fell silent. Trevor took his daughter's small hand within his and waited for her to compose herself. "I don't know," she murmured. "I don't want to die because I love you and Olivia and Noah… but sometimes when I'm angry or upset I get so …" she paused and shrugged.

"A lot of big emotions that you don't know what to do with?" Olivia supplied; it was a feeling she related to as a teen.

Ava nodded, "and its so… hard to know what to do in that moment and I feel like if I didn't exist, I wouldn't feel hurt and people at school would be happier, that you guys wouldn't have to worry about me and I know that you get so sad, Dad…" she told him, "Mom would be relieved that she didn't have to pretend that she gives a crap out me…"

"Honey if you think I am sad now, imagine how sad I would be if I didn't have you," he murmured, choking up on the honesty of his daughter's words seeming to empty from her mouth with freedom that he'd never witnessed before. He figured that now she had nothing to lose.

"Do you think you ever might act on the feeling in the moment when you are overwhelmed?" Olivia asked her directly.

Ava shook her head. She wiped both of her eyes. "Its just a thought… and I don't want to have the thoughts its just that sometimes I can't stop it and when I cut I can focus on something else and it feels painful but its also…" she paused and let go of a sob. Trevor gave her hand a squeeze and blinked back his own tears.

"Its okay, sweetheart, we're just here to listen," he murmured.

She composed herself, "when I feel so intensely emotional, I cut because it stops that feeling immediately-"

"It brings you back down to earth," Olivia tried to help her verbalise it.

Ava nodded. "I focus on it because it hurts a little bit and it makes me feel like there's nothing wrong with me because other times I feel nothing and the cut hurts and I bleed and I feel like I'm just normal and I can finally feel something…"

It kind of made sense to him. What she was talking about was causing pain because it was sobering during a moment of hyper-emotion. "I think what you're saying makes sense," Trevor spoke his thoughts out loud. "But I think Liv and I can try to find you a better way to cope with all those feelings…"

"I agree with your Dad," Liv said, "if you get the urge to cut or harm yourself you need to tell one of us, I know its a big ask especially when you're tightly wound up, but please try your best, okay?"

Ava nodded. "I didn't mean to upset you both…" she said again sadly.

"We are okay," Olivia told her firmly, "we want you to be okay and we're going to help you but it has to be completely transparent with all of us, there's nothing we don't want you to come to us about and if you think we're going to be mad or upset, the chances are that even if we do get a little angry or upset, we'll get over it faster than cuts heal."

"That's very true. You're such a good kid, Ava, it's rare that I ever feel angry with you," he reminded her.

She nodded.

"Honey, I have one last question for you, when did you first start doing this? Is it recent or…?" Trevor dared to ask.

Ava wiped her eyes. "On my thirteenth birthday," she admitted.

"Wait—" he paused, trying to remember if anything significant happened. Suddenly it hit him. It had been the birthday he was supposed to spend with her and Ava wanted a sleepover with her friends so without warning, Sarah had canceled his plans at short notice and blamed their daughter. There was no problem with a sleep over, Ava had asked him first and he was friendly enough with the parents of the two girls that she had wanted to invite. He had even bought supplies, candy, soda, cake and some movies for her and her friends.

A huge fight ensued and it ended with Sarah screaming down the phone at him about a single man hosting teen girls and how it would look. He gave in, questioning himself as to whether or not it was inappropriate. He remembered turning up to Sarah's to drop off Ava's birthday gift in the morning. She had been crying and she told him she didn't want to have a sleepover anymore and she just wanted to come with him.

He went to talk to Sarah who yelled and screamed more until she'd yelled at Ava to go with him, to get out of her sight, to choose the parent typically who was unsupportive and absent.

"I'm so sorry, honey…" he murmured, "that was a really hard birthday for you, I know…"

"Its okay, it was just all the awful things Mom said about you and about me and just… I accidentally cut myself because I wanted to be grown up and shave my legs and purposely disobedient cos Mom said I wasn't allowed."

Trevor nodded. "And you saw the cut and?"

"Just what I said before, it took away my focus from everything else and from how upset I was…it helps me control my feelings." She paused, "Mom saw once…" she admitted, "a little while before I moved in."

"What!?" Trevor exclaimed but felt Olivia's hand on his shoulder. He breathed in. "What do you mean? She saw you cutting or you told her?"

"She saw all the cuts because I had to take my bracelets off when I went to hospital remember?," she reminded her Dad, "when I had dehydration and fainted at school?"

He nodded, "Yeah," he replied. It was a sweltering, punishing day with a broken air conditioner in Ava's classroom. She hadn't had enough to drink and ended up in the ER for observation.

"The nurse couldn't find a vein to take blood and so I had to take off all my bracelets and she took blood from the back of my hand and as soon as the nurse left, Mom grilled me about it and she asked me if I was trying to get attention, she said it was one of those attention seeking things…"

Inside, Trevor was livid. Her mother had the opportunity to help her and squandered it and not only did she squander it, she probably made it worse. "Thanks for telling me that," he said softly.

"Ava, tomorrow afternoon I've organised someone for you to talk to. She's really nice and I know her pretty well, she's gonna come to the precinct especially to see you…" Olivia told her. "I'm just telling you now because I don't want you to feel bull-dozed tomorrow."

"Like a shrink?" She asked, turning to Liv.

"Yeah… she will just have a little chat to you and figure out where you are at and maybe she will suggest someone that you can see a little more permanently to talk to when you're feeling overwhelmed. It can be hard to talk to the people that you love because you don't want to hurt anyone."

"Okay, I don't want to tell anyone though, like, I don't want anyone to find out…" she explained.

"Of course not, this is your private mental health, sweetheart, you don't have to tell a single soul if you don't want to."

"Okay." Ava agreed.

"And guess what?" Olivia asked her.

"What?"

Olivia flashed Trevor a smile and he knew what was coming. Maybe they weren't able to tell her about Spain, but they were certainly able to give her a small mercy that she had been craving.

"Dad's going to take Noah camping and fishing next weekend and so I thought that you and I could have a weekend for just us…"

Ava beamed despite her eyes still being a little wet from her tears. She turned to her Dad to see if they were for real. "Yeah?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Liv mentioned to me you guys wanted to have some time alone to do girl stuff and Noah has been asking me so many questions about camping and I thought it might be fun."

"Is this because of what happened today?," she wondered.

"No," Olivia replied, "Dad and I talked about it this morning and it'll be the last full weekend I have off for three weekends…"

"Fun…" Ava felt a lot of relief after the conversation and even more now that she realised that her secret was better out than in, that they understood and wanted to help rather than being furious that she could be so stupid or thinking that she was looking for attention. "What are we gonna do?," she asked.

"I have a few things planned," Liv fibbed. She had nothing planned, she wanted to get some advice from another Mom or at least a friend who had a Mom that used to do special things with her daughter. "But its a bit of a surprise."

Trevor almost laughed; he knew Liv hadn't really thought that far ahead.

"Okay on that note, sweetheart, I think you should go to bed. I want you to get up bright and early and ready for school tomorrow," he told her.

Ava sighed. "I really wish I didn't have to go."

"I know, but its okay and totally normal to be scared… you'll be okay. You only have short days this week so really, you'll be done by 2pm and before you know it Liv will be waiting with open arms."

"And if you need me to come down and pick you up, I will," Olivia told her, "and if I can't get away I will send Amanda or someone I trust."

"I'll be okay," she promised. "Thanks…"

"Come on," Olivia got up, "say goodnight to your good looking Dad."

"Gross," Ava muttered but was happy for the joke. She circled the bed and gave her Dad a hug and kiss goodnight. Olivia followed her in to her room and waited for her to get in to bed.

"How are you feeling? 1-10?," she asked as soon as Ava was settled.

"About an 8… I feel better, Liv, like a weight is gone."

"I'll bet…" Olivia nodded with understanding. "Sometimes it's so good to be able to share how you feel even if it's really scary and you're not sure about the reaction you're going to get. I'm proud of you and I know your Dad is too."

"I love you, Liv…I can't wait for the weekend."

"Me either," she smiled and went to business tucking her in as she always did. Ava giggled girlishly at how tight Liv always made the blankets. She could barely move.

"Goodnight Ava, I love you. You're going to have the best day tomorrow and we're going to put it out there in the universe and make it so!"

"I'm going to have the best day tomorrow," she repeated. "Goodnight Olivia."

/

"What's this?" Trevor asked with a little laugh, picking up his phone.

Olivia glanced at him and smiled softly. "I invited you to my elite group chat…" she winked, "I want you to be part of my friend group."

Trevor couldn't help but to smile, feeling like they'd just overcome a couple of hurdles. "Thanks…" he murmured, "I love that you invited me, are the rest of your friends okay with me being in it?"

Olivia shrugged, "Amanda and Sonny are fine, Rafa is like a cat. He is aloof and sometimes mean but when he warms up he'll be your best friend."

Trevor laughed. "I'll keep that in mind." He locked his phone and put it aside. "I know you want to talk to me about what happened, but I think I'm emotionally spent and I'm angry with Sarah and I don't know if I can talk about it tonight."

"That's okay baby," she replied, "when you're ready we can talk… or not."

"I want to talk about it just… maybe not tonight. I just want to feel glad that she's talking to us."

"I feel glad for that too," Olivia sidled up to him and took his hand. She kissed the back of it. "We can help her and this whole new school and new swimming and dance — it's a fresh start and believe it or not, telling us what she did can be a good thing too."

Trevor took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Thanks for being so good at this, for setting up the psychologist so fast for an assessment."

"I just want you to know that I love you and we're in this together. I'm with you through this one hundred percent. You can lean on me…"

He put an arm around her and kissed her temple. "I love the depth of your compassion Olivia Benson and I thank God for you."

Olivia snuggled in and wrapped her arms around him.

"So what are you guys gonna do this weekend? Nice job pretending everything is a surprise," he kidded.

She laughed. "I don't know, I never did that kind of stuff with my Mom so maybe I have to make a new tradition."

He stroked her upper arm with his hand that was wrapped around her, drawing her against him. "I'll give you guys my credit card and you can go shopping and buy clothes or whatever girl stuff she wants to do."

"I have money too, Trev…" Olivia chuckled, "I don't need your card. I like doing stuff for Ava the way you do stuff for Noah. He is gonna be so excited when you tell him you're going camping."

"I think he deserves a bit of attention. Ava has been getting it all recently and he's been such an amazing sport about it all. He deserves to have a weekend that's totally Noah-focused."

"Yeah, he does take it well but truthfully Ava deserves some love too," Olivia replied.

"I guess I should let you go to sleep…" he said softly, "you had a big day… I'm sorry that you walked in to this bomb. I was planning on having such a stress-free night. I was gonna do something super romantic and run you a bath, grab you some red and massage your feet for you…"

Olivia drew herself out of his arms and smiled at him, placing a hand on his chest and kissing his lips softly. "And then you would have been keeping me up late for different reasons," she joked.

"That wouldn't have been a problem… maybe tomorrow night, we'll have to play it by ear," he chuckled, "such is our life now."

"As much as I love making love to you, I wouldn't want things any other way, it just makes those private moments all the more special when they do actually happen." She slid down on to her pillow.

Trevor smiled and flipped the TV off. Olivia knew that as soon as he closed his eyes he'd be asleep. He had bags beneath them and he seemed a little empty. She knew once Ava had been assessed and had finished her first day at school he would find his footing. He stroked her hair in the dim light from his lamp and stared in to her large, chocolate eyes.

"I love you, you're everything to me…and probably the best mother my kid is ever gonna get…" he added sentimentally.

"Poor her," she winked.

"Don't be silly," he replied, the hint of a smile crossed his lips. "She's very lucky to have you and Noah. He was so worried about her today, it was so sweet and when she snapped at him, it was heartbreaking. He still didn't break though, he just told her he didn't like to see her sad."

"Ugh, how did we get so lucky with these two?" Olivia asked, "they make my heart ache in the best kind of way."

He laughed, "I know what you mean…"

"Okay. I could probably stay up talking to you all night, love, but I do need to sleep, I'm sorry." She could feel her eyes growing heavy.

"Of course. Goodnight sweetheart." He kissed her gently and slowly and pulled away. He smiled as he hovered over her and kissed her a few more times- a series of short, wet kisses upon her soft, pouty lips.

He really loved her lips.

"Goodnight…"

He watched her disrobe quietly, hating to sleep beside him with too much on. Trevor's body emanated enough heat to warm her on the coldest of nights and if she wore too much, she needed to keep some distance.

He kicked off his gym pants and discarded his t-shirt too. She pulled the covers up beneath her arms and waited for him to slide his arm beneath her head. She moved in close, draping an arm across his stomach and felt him pushing her hair out of the way.

He reached over and turned the lamp off and enjoyed the feel of her soft, bare breasts pressing in to his body.

/

Ava whirled around, glancing around a little dumbly. She watched people buzzing around the precinct and took a few steps inside suddenly feeling a little shy. Someone went to weave past her— a man in a suit who wasn't overly tall, not like her father, but he looked clean-cut and trustworthy. He barely glanced at her.

"Excuse me…" Ava called to him politely. He turned around and stared at her. His eyes burned in to hers. "Is Olivia around?"

"Oh…" he sighed with what seemed like disappointment, "you're Ava, aren't you?," he wondered out loud with a slight sneer to his expression.

"Yeah, where's Liv?," she retorted, ignoring his mild irritation.

"She's on call," he shook his head with frustration. "Come on," he nodded to a room, holding a coffee, "you're stuck with me, I'm sure we'll both be thrilled," he answered her, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

She furrowed her brow at him and gave him an offended look, wondering why he was being an ass. "I'm not going with you, I don't know who you are."

"What a shame for me," he replied facetiously without a beat, "you can stay here then and continue turning yourself in a bewildered circles like a dancing bear waiting dumbly for someone with half a brain to talk to, have fun!" He went to turn around to walk away.

She followed after him. "You're really mean," she told him, giving him a blank expression. He rolled his eyes and didn't bother trying to cover it up. She snickered, "I like you,"

"Great," he replied.

"What's your name… just so I can tell Olivia who was being a dick to me today."

He turned around and gave her half a smile. "I'm Rafael. Come on, you're in this shitty make-shift office with me until she gets back and hopefully she won't be long because I hate the smell of fruity lip gloss and the constant annoying gabbing of teenage girls."

"Great, that makes two of us," Ava replied, following him in to the office space. He opened all of the blinds so that anyone could see in, making sure she felt comfortable to be alone with him after everything she had been through.

"Do you have homework or something to do? If not, I have a law book that will hopefully put you to sleep until Olivia gets back and stands around coo-cooing over her favourite little girl," he paused, "that's you, by the way."

"Got it," she replied with monotone, "and yes, I have school work and things to do so you can stop throwing your weird nervous energy at me. I'd much rather be spending my time with Liv or Amanda."

"Makes two of us; although to be honest, I find Amanda to be slightly obnoxious. I think it's the saccharine smile."

"Amanda? Obnoxious?" Ava rose an eyebrow, "I can only think of one obnoxious person working from this precinct… my father never told me that SVU had such a snappy little ADA…. You must be so fun at parties."

Rafael rolled his eyes and sat down. "Your father has about as much personality as a tree stump so I'm not surprised he didn't tell you about other lawyers who make his profession look like a theme park."

"I would take offence to you insulting my father to my face, generally speaking, Rafael, but you're like an little angry Chihuahua. I bet you're so sweet when no one is looking," she smiled angelically at him and then dropped it. "Oops, I better not smile, right? You find sugar-sweet smiles a little too triggering for your fragile male ego."

She sat too and turned away from him to get in to her school bag to find some books. Rafael hid a little smile, surprised and impressed by her toe-to-toe banter. There was definitely a little lawyer inside of her, he could see that a mile away.

/

Olivia rushed in to the precinct and smiled to find Rafa and Ava chatting away - Rafael was actually smiling. "Does Rafael look like he's enjoying Ava's company?" Olivia asked Amanda with a nudge.

Amanda glanced up and laughed. "It does… that kid can win anyone over, I swear."

Liv was anxious to hear about Ava's first day. She opened the door to Rafael's office. The smile was instantly wiped from his face. "Look, Ava, Liv's here to check on her most precious."

Olivia rolled her eyes at him and ignored him. Ava looked up and pushed her chair back, dropping her sardonic attitude for her Dad's girlfriend. "Hey!" Liv greeted her, holding her arms out. She hugged her warmly and gave her a little squeeze. "How was your day? Come on, grab your things, I'll take you in to my office so we can talk."

Ava collected her books and pens with Olivia's help. She waved to Rafael. "Bye, I'd say it was nice to meet you but the pleasure was all yours!," before letting him say another word, she turned and walked off to greet Amanda who she spotted at her desk.

Rafael finally laughed. "Okay you got me, she's a funny kid. I like her, but don't tell her or anyone else I said that."

"Too late, it's going on record in the group chat," Liv winked.

"Shit, I forgot to leave last night, I'll do it in a second."

"Promises, promises, councillor. Thanks for hanging out with her. I owe you one." She let herself out and closed the door behind her. "Come on kiddo… this way," she nodded toward her own office, interrupting her excited chatter with Amanda. Ava waved goodbye to her and followed Liv in to her office.

/

"Trev, when are we gonna move in to that house?" Noah asked casually as they ate dinner together before the girls were due home.

"Which house?" Trevor asked, looking up from his salad. "Come on, kiddo, eat a little more of your lasagne while it's hot."

"The house on the iPad. I saw it when I went to get it to play Minecraft last night," he informed Trevor. "It looked nice."

"You little snoop," Trevor winked at him, "I'm not sure though, Mom and I need to find time to go have a look. What do you think?"

"Yeah, can you do it soon?," he asked. "I want to live together…"

"Most of your stuff is here now and tomorrow after school we're gonna start moving that cupboard out of your room so you can have more space, do you not like it here?," he asked.

Noah shrugged. "I do, but… I liked it when Mom said that this new place would be everyone's house not just yours and Ava's or mine and Moms because then it's more fair."

"That's a great point, Noah. I'll tell you what, I'll do my best to organise a time where Mom and I can take a look at a few places before friday."

Noah smiled at him and began to eat more of his dinner.

"Hey… I had an idea that I wanted to run past you," Trevor began, "about a plan for the weekend."

"What is it?," Noah wondered. "Is it for Mom?"

Trevor shook his head and put his fork down for a moment and pushed his empty plate forward. He rested his arms on the table top and smiled at Olivia's beautiful son who, more often and not, he started to think of as his own. His love was as unconditional for Noah and Liv as it was for Ava and seeing the world through Noah's eyes was a learning curve that he deeply welcomed.

"No, its a plan for you and I. Mom and I had a talk last night and we thought it might be fun if you and I go camping together and have a boys adventure."

Noah's eyes widened, "really?!"

Trevor grinned at him, "Yeah, would you like that?"

"Like, in a real tent? With sleeping bags and a camp fire and fishing and stuff?"

"Yep, in a real tent with sleeping bags and we'll make a fire and we can go fishing and go on long walks in the scrub and make s'mores and hang out and talk and if it's warm we can go swimming too."

"I don't have a sleeping bag!," he said, alarmed.

"That's okay, I'm going to go tomorrow or Wednesday to buy some camping stuff because I think all of my things are a little old now, so I'll buy us some new things and if you enjoy it, we can do it regularly."

Noah was so excited. Trevor knew he would like the idea, but hadn't been prepared for the unadulterated joy that beamed from his tiny face. "With Mom and Ava or not?"

"This time Mom and Ava are gonna have a girls weekend but maybe next time they might come or maybe it's something that you just want to do with me, it's totally your call. You seem pretty happy."

Noah grinned and nodded dumbly. "I am gonna tell my friends at school," he told Trevor, "and when I get back I could talk about it at show and tell."

Trevor grinned back at him. "We have to get through this week first but it'll be nice to have something fun to look forward to, won't it?"

Noah nodded, "Yeah, I'm so excited!"

"Wellllll, you better eat your dinner up," Trevor told him, "and when you're done, we can sit on the couch and look up some camping things to buy."

"Yeah! That sounds fun!"

It was almost a miracle, Noah began to eat faster than Trevor had seen him wolf down food before. After dinner, they did the dishes together and Trevor checked on on his daughter. Olivia promised they'd be home shortly. Carisi was excited to meet Ava and had treated his team to pasta, Pizza and dessert from an Italian restaurant they all loved.

She sent him a photo of Ava sitting on Sonny's desk, her legs crossed beside Amanda, eating pizza and posing. He was happy and he knew obviously she'd had a good day by all accounts from Liv.

/

"Listen, you got the best bonus Mom in the world right here, Ava Langan," Sonny told her with a little nudge as he took a bite of his cheese pizza.

Ava grinned at Liv, feeling like the precinct was a party for whatever reason. She hadn't even minded speaking to Meredith, the urgent care psychologist. It felt good to talk about her day and her concerns and worries without being scared that she might upset someone.

"I know… Olivia is the greatest."

"And guess what, anyone special to Olivia is special to us, kiddo, so you ever need anything, you just give ya boy Uncle Sonny a call."

"What if I need more pizza or cannoli?," she asked smartly.

He smiled at her, "I can do one better, I'll take you to visit my Ma, this food is good but my mother's food will make your eyes water it's so damn great."

"Its true, she is amazing," Amanda pitched in.

"Ooh maybe she can teach me, I made Dad, Olivia and Noah carbonara on Liv's first date at our place," she told them, "I even made the pasta from scratch. Dad was so stressed out," she giggled.

"It was so good too, I was so impressed and I think your Dad was too," Olivia winked at her.

"My Mom would love you, I'll take you to meet her one day soon, she can give you cooking tips, no sweat."

"Thanks Sonny…" Ava replied, feeling very happy and at ease with Olivia's friends, even Rafael who stood back, keeping to himself, offering only a sarcastic quip every so often.

"Okay baby, we need to get you back home so you can get ready for tomorrow… Dad's waiting to hear about your first day very patiently."

"Here… take some cannoli home for Noah and your Dad… and you," Sonny winked, jumping up to transfer some of the food to a container for her.

"Oh, its okay," she said politely. "Maybe just one for Noah."

"Nah, we're cops we don't need to live up to our reputations," he winked, handing her a box of leftovers. "It was so nice to meet you Ava, I hope we'll get to see you more."

"Of course you will, I'm coming to your Moms, you forget so fast…" she made a pout face as if she was sad.

Sonny laughed. "'Manda won't let me forget, will you?," he asked her.

"Nah, I won't."

Olivia beamed at her friends and thanked them. She turned to Rafael, "thanks Raf, even you were a treasure today, see you in the group chat that you still haven't left," she winked.

"Don't force my hand Olivia," he replied humourlessly, but she knew him well enough to know that beneath his serious expression was a hidden smile. They all knew he had no intention of leaving the chat. He loved to sass out his friends and pretend he didn't care about any of them when in fact, they all meant the world to him — even Sonny… sometimes.

Ava glanced at him, "Bye Rafael, again, I wish I could say it was a pleasure."

"Oh for goodness sakes, you're both as bad as one another," Olivia threw up her hands with exasperation, putting her arm around Ava, walking her out.

/

Congratulations Trevor, I met your daughter this afternoon. I'm confused as to where she gets her personality, must be from her mother?

Trevor rolled his eyes. He knew Rafael probably didn't like him.

Thanks Rafael, you're very kind. However, if you knew Ava's mother you'd probably just accept that my daughter's personality is an anomaly.

He put his phone down and knew he needed to get Noah to bed, but he couldn't deny that Noah falling asleep on his lap after looking at the iPad for awhile wasn't one of the sweetest moments he'd ever had with Olivia's son.

It was so early and he hoped Noah would stay asleep all night through. He took his phone out and turned the flash off and took a selfie with Noah curled in to him. He looked tired too, but happy, he thought.

/

"Look what your Dad sent me…" Liv told Ava, showing him the selfie.

"Oh my goodness, that's the cutest…" Ava grinned. Olivia replied with some hearts and slipped her phone back in to her jacket. "Liv, do you know what I wish?"

"What's that?"

She felt Ava's hand find hers, a habit that she got in to with both Olivia and Trevor. Trevor was always shocked by his daughter's willingness to hold his hand in public as though she was still a little girl — but in a lot of ways she still was.

"I wish that I could have known Noah when he was smaller, I would have been the best big sister to him and I wish you were with Dad right after he separated with my Mom, that would have been cool to have you as my stepmom back when I was younger too."

"I bet you would have astounded me by how smart and wonderful you were as a little girl. Do you remember meeting me when you were little?"

"Yeah a little bit. I think I came with Dad once or twice to pick up stuff or maybe you visited him at his office," Ava replied. "I remember you gave me some crayons to color with while you talked to Dad."

Olivia smiled. "Yeah you drew me a picture and I bet I still have it. I hold on to the stuff kids give me at work," she laughed at herself. "You were so cute and I could tell your Dad didn't have any help, your clothes were so mismatched and he told me he had no idea what to do with your hair," Olivia laughed.

"Oh yeah! You did a fish-tail braid in my hair, I remember that now." Ava laughed, "was it that bad? Dad let me pick my own clothes at first until I think someone gave him some advice."

"I did, I couldn't let you walk out with your hair all over your face. You were so cute and so chatty and you talked nonstop about your Daddy that it got him all embarrassed and it was so nice to see him in Dad mode."

Ava laughed, "Did you have a crush on him? Even a little?," she wondered.

"No, I don't think so…he wasn't really on my radar quite honestly. I had a lot going on in my life at that time and it was just before Noah came along."

"That's sad for Dad," she giggled. "Oh well, you and Noah are with us now and I'm so happy for that and I had a nice afternoon meeting Sonny and Rafael even though Rafael wanted to pretend he didn't like me," she giggled again.

"Raf is a funny guy. He actually is a little like you, you both have a great sense of humour and sometimes don't know when to let the other person know you're kidding," she told Ava.

They reached the front stoop and Olivia unlocked the door and held it open for Trevor's daughter. They went upstairs and Ava set down the bag that held the box of cannoli. Olivia made her way to the living room to find Trevor still holding on to her boy, looking relaxed and watching TV.

She smiled sweetly at them both. Trevor returned it and waited for her to come and kiss him softly on the lips in greeting. "Hi baby," he said softly.

"Hi, love. Want me to take him?"

Trevor shook his head. "I've got him, I'll just go put him to bed." Slowly he got up, taking Noah with him, careful not to wake him. He passed Ava taking things out of her bag to put in to the sink — her lunch box and empty water bottle and a couple of notices that she had been given.

"Hi sweetie," he smiled, pausing to kiss her cheek. "I'm just taking Noah to bed and I'll be right back to hear about your day."

"Okay," she smiled back at him and watched him head upstairs.

/

"Okay," Trevor sat down at the kitchen counter on one of the swivel stools that he'd dragged to the opposite side. "Tell me everything, how was your day?"

"Good," Ava smiled at him, her lips tight to keep from grinning.

"Good?," he confirmed and then laughed, "that's all you're gonna give me? Just good?"

Ava giggled, feeling her cheeks go red. "It was nice. My homeroom teacher was really friendly and the kids were nice to me. There was a girl who was asked to be my buddy for the day and she was really sweet. She showed me around and tomorrow it'll be someone else pairing up with me so that I can get to know different kids and sit with different groups," she explained.

"That sounds healthy," he smiled. "And what about the school work, did you find that it was okay?"

"Yeah, I am taking a test to see if I'll go to AP English and AP Calculus."

Trevor beamed. "I am really proud of you, but I want you to know that you don't have to put too much pressure on yourself."

"Thanks Dad. If it's too much, I will say something, but I find English a little bit easy at the moment, its boring because I already know the stuff they are teaching and the reading material is boring, it's stuff that I read when I was younger with you."

Trevor chuckled. "I'm not surprised that you excel with English, sweetheart, you've always been gifted with words."

Ava smiled at him and ducked her head bashfully. Liv pulled the bread out and a chopping board and began to make sandwiches for Noah and Ava's lunch for the following day.

"Oh, Liv, it's okay, I can make lunch—" Ava told her.

"I like making lunch for you guys, it's the one normal Mom thing I get to do to look after you guys since I'm rarely early enough to make dinner."

Trevor regarded Olivia with a smile.

"What about your meeting with Meredith, did you do that?," he wondered. He didn't know Meredith very well but their paths had crossed once or twice.

"Mmmm, I think it was okay. I don't know, maybe she told Liv that I'm crazy and I belong in the crazy house," she joked.

"Meredith did not say that," Olivia smiled. She turned to Trevor, "she just suggested some ongoing appointments with a specialist psychologist who can help Ava with changing patterns of behaviour and coping mechanisms for when things feel a little too overwhelming," she told him. Trevor nodded, it all seemed manageable now that they'd all had a day to digest what had happened.

"You know what else Meredith said?" Olivia asked with a little smile as she lightly buttered some bread.

"What?" Ava asked, curious. Trevor looked up expectantly.

"She said that you are incredibly smart, very funny and that its very clear that you feel very safe with us and that made me feel really happy," Olivia told her.

"Awwww," Trevor grinned and looked at his daughter. "That makes me happy too," he replied as Ava blushed.

"Its true," she murmured, a little embarrassed. "When I moved in here Rhiannon teased me because I said I felt close to my Dad, she tried to make it weird."

Ugh, Trevor thought and made a face. "Its not weird and I am happy that you feel close to me, sweetheart, Rhiannon is allowed to live like she's 21 and that to me is weird, but she's not my kid so honestly, I don't really care. I care about you and I care about making sure you feel safe and that you are safe," he told her.

"If she only knew that I let Olivia tuck me in to bed every night…" Ava grinned and giggled.

Olivia laughed too, smiling lovingly at the girl that she was starting to ease-in-to feeling like she was more than just her partner's child. "I love tucking both my kids in," she said softly, "its sweet and to be honest, there's nothing nicer than feeling your Dad pull a blanket over me when I go to sleep on the couch or if I've gone back to sleep on the weekend… It's comforting, right?"

"Right," Ava agreed. "I will still be expecting it when I'm living off Dad here well in to my 20s," she teased him.

A weird sobering thought of his daughter growing up and going off to college hit him — it was only a few years away and he did not like it at all. "Good, I want you to stay here forever. Maybe you can start dating or something when you're about 40."

Ava grinned at him, "now that would actually be kind of creepy especially if I had to adhere to teenage Ava rules."

"Stop it, both of you… I happen to be the judge and jury on what is inappropriate in terms of relationships and there is absolutely nothing weird about being close to your Dad, Ava, its actually really wonderful that your best role model is a man, there should be more of it."

Ava swung back and forth on her chair and felt content and at ease for the first time in a little while. "You're a good role model for me too, Liv, I always count you as someone who takes care of me in a parental way, that's what I told Meredith…"

"Thanks babe," Olivia smiled, "that's incredibly sweet of you."

They watched her move around packing lunch for Noah before turning to Ava. "Okay, what'll it be on your sandwich tomorrow? We have shredded roast chicken or you can have tuna salad."

Ava thought for a second, "can I please have chicken and cheese?"

"Of course, nothing else?"

"Nah, everything else just gets the bread all soggy," Ava replied. "Thanks Liv, for making my lunch."

Olivia just smiled.

"Okay, why don't you go upstairs and wash up and get pyjamas on and you can watch TV or whatever you want to do until…" Trevor looked at the clock above the calendar above the counter on the wall, "10 at the latest, but 9:30 if you want to obey your father," he winked.

Ava got up from her stool at the counter and laughed. "I'll go to bed at 9:30 because I love my Daddy," she told him with a smile, circling in to the kitchen to give Trevor a hug. He was surprised but held his arms out and held his little girl warmly against him. She kissed his cheek. "I love you," she said sincerely.

"I love you more," he replied, exchanging a grin with Olivia as he held her close for a moment before reluctantly letting go.

"Probably," she retorted jokingly as she let go and headed upstairs.

"Brat," he called after her.

/

"Come here, you…" Trevor spoke to Olivia as she closed the refrigerator, finishing with the kids lunches. "I missed you so much today," he smiled softly at her.

Olivia looked tired but she had had a good day and it was everything to her to see how happy and encouraged Ava was after her first day. She made her way to him and let him guide her on to his lap. "Hi," he greeted her.

"Hello handsome," she chuckled as she circled her arms around his neck. She leaned in to linger her lips along his. "Did I ever tell you how much I love it when I can see your arms like this…" she let a hand run over his biceps of the muscle t-shirt he was wearing.

He laughed, "no… but I'll work out every day if you want me to have bigger muscles…" he smiled suggestively.

"No, I'm completely happy with the biceps that you have — and your other muscles," she winked, kissing him again.

He smirked and wrapped his arms around her. "So, Ava really made an impression, huh? Did you see what Rafael put in the group chat…"

"I did, please know that he just thinks he's very funny, he doesn't mean to come across as so offensive. He thinks its banter."

"Yeah," he rolled his eyes, "I'll take your word for it."

"Come on… I promise…" she insisted cocking her head to the side at his wry response.

"I can't resist you when you look at me like that," he sighed as she nuzzled her nose against the stubble of his cheek, catching her lips on his jaw. He shrugged away at how ticklish she was making him. "I fucking love you, Olivia Benson…"

"I love you too, baby," she kissed him as she pulled away from him. She caressed his hair thoughtfully, turning a little serious. "Tell me about your day…"

"Boring," he shrugged, "oh, Noah needs some stuff for his next dance recital, I'm not exactly sure what some of these dance things are, but I'm going to take him to the store tomorrow after school to get it, will he know?"

"Yeah, thanks Trev, he'll know what he needs, but he likes to have the best because he's a little boy with expensive tastes on a parental budget, so don't fall for it."

Trevor laughed, "it's okay, I'll drop past and get Ava on the way, she can come I'm sure she will know if Noah doesn't."

"You can leave it til the weekend and I can grab the stuff, don't worry yourself too much, baby, I don't mind," Olivia shrugged.

"Well, how about this," Trevor bargained, "I'll see how I go with court in the morning and that will determine how much time I have in there afternoon … but I actually made a careful decision today…" he glanced up to make sure Ava wasn't within earshot.

"What was that?"

"I had an interchange with Sarah because I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt when Ava told me she knew… and she did know and she did accuse her of being attention seeking which seems to be her go-to whenever Ava is struggling…"

"Oh shit, I'm sorry."

Trevor shrugged, "You know, I tried so hard to keep her involved and I wanted so much for her to just … be a Mom and I feel like I'm done for real this time… she doesn't want to be a Mom and I think our daughter could be the most perfect kid in the world-"

"She is," Olivia told him, her face serious and troubled by his words but mostly deeply sad for Ava. "She is so perfect, Trev-"

"She is to me too, Liv, but I mean on paper, it wouldn't matter how great she was, she will never be interesting to Sarah and I fucking hate that I missed all those cues and had my daughter living with a shitty Mom who did the bare minimum."

"So what did you decide?"

"I'm legally filing for sole custody. I don't think Sarah is going to fight me about it, but I don't want her to have any parental rights anymore. I'd prefer if she doesn't visit or try to see her again, but that'll be up to Ava…"

"Trevor, do you think that's the right thing to do?," she asked, "do you think that might make things harder for Ava?," she added.

"I think Ava might be relieved too, truthfully because it takes the responsibility off her shoulders. She doesn't have to keep feeling rejected because if Sarah decides not to contest it or if she absolves herself of all her parental rights willingly, I'll have been the one who set that wheel in motion and forced the hand; not Sarah and not Ava and maybe it'll feel less painful."

"I don't know… I feel like it sends a strong message… what if Sarah comes to her senses and wants a relationship with her daughter?"

"Well…" Trevor started, shaking his head and taking in a deep breath, "she's got a lot of fucking working on herself to do. I am literally doing what I think is best for Ava. Even if Ava was cutting for attention, don't you think that a kid who makes herself bleed for attention needs help!?"

"Absolutely," Olivia agreed. "I guess I see your point but… is this entirely unselfish, Trevor?"

He rose an eyebrow at her, a little offended. "What are you saying?"

"I feel like… you really want me to be a mother-figure to Ava which I am totally comfortable with, but it's convenient if Sarah doesn't swoop back in, right?"

"Liv…" he let go of her, irate, "are you serious?"

"I'm just asking you to be honest with yourself about that, I don't know how you feel in your heart, I'm just saying…"

"Olivia, that's kind of rude," he said bluntly, "and a little hurtful. I love you, I love how much you do for Ava and I want you both to have the kind of relationship that you're both comfortable with — if that comes with her labelling you as something or vice-versa, that's fine by me, but I would not jeopardise my daughter's relationship with her biological mother because it's easier for me…"

Olivia realised she'd said the wrong thing. She went to get up, hating that she'd hurt his feelings.

"Where are you going?," he took her wrist gently.

"I'm sorry, I said the wrong thing. I'm gonna go upstairs-"

"No you're not, we're just having a discussion, this isn't a fight, you don't need to run," he needed to call her behaviours before she acted on them - the urge to run at the slight feeling of conflict.

She turned back and stared at him for a moment. "I'm sorry, maybe I'm nervous that that's what Sarah will think."

"You don't have to worry about Sarah, she's not your problem, baby…" he said gently, "but I'm going to talk to Ava, full transparency, remember?," he added, pulling her back in to his lap. "Don't go anywhere, I'm not done snuggling you yet."

Liv finally smiled and let him pull her back in to his lap.

/

"Mommmmy are you gonna pick us up today?" Noah asked hopefully as she let go of her hug.

"I'm sorry sweetie, I'm working until dinner time again but guess what? I have tomorrow off and then I'll do nights until the weekend and when you and Trevor get back from camping on Sunday afternoon, we'll be able to spend some time together as a family."

"Okay," he smiled, he hugged Ava who stood next to him, waiting patiently. "I love you guys!," he told them.

"Love you too," Ava hugged him. "You know where to find me if you need me!"

Noah grinned at her, "Bye, Mommy, see you after dinner!"

They both waved until he disappeared in to his class room. "Come on, let's get you to your class, kiddo…" Olivia told Ava.

"Thanks for walking in to class with me again, I know I'm being a baby but…" she said softly, "it's kind of still daunting."

"Honey, never apologise," Liv told her sincerely.

"I hope the other kids won't make fun of me for me being weird and clingy with you…" she told Olivia, linking her arm with hers and leaning against her.

Liv longed for the moments when both kids were so sweet and affectionate. Noah was slowly beginning to grow out of it but she hoped that he might come full circle in his late teens like Ava seemed to be. "You're not weird and clingy and you could tell them that you're really close with your Step Mom and she is the coolest person you know," she winked, realising as the words fell out of her mouth what it meant to the teen.

"Wow… you really said Step Mom…" Ava giggled.

"Oh… was that not the right term?" Liv asked with a little smile.

"No… its okay, I like it… but Step Mom makes me feel like you are a witch or something evil," she admitted. "And biologically, I don't want people to associate Sarah with me, so if someone asks if you're my Mom, I'll just say yes, I won't lie if biology comes up, but that's only if that's okay with you."

Olivia felt her breath catch and thought carefully about the right thing to say.

"If its not okay, I won't say it — sorry Liv, I didn't mean to-"

"Don't you dare let an apology leave your mouth right now, honey," Olivia said firmly. "You tell your friends or your peers whatever you are comfortable with telling them, okay?," she said, "I don't mind at all. I just respect your Mom and I don't ever want her to think I've tried to replace her-"

"I don't care what she thinks. She doesn't care about me, you do. You're more of a mother than she will ever be, you know what she did when she-" Ava stopped and took a deep breath, "sorry, Meredith helped me realise Sarah is one of my trigger points and thinking of her easily makes me overwhelmingly angry so I don't want to get in to it, but …" she looked up at Liv, "maybe we can talk about it over the weekend."

Olivia let it go and smiled, "That sounds like a good idea babe, but I'm comfortable with you telling them," she nodded to the kids in her homeroom, "whatever you like about me."

"Thanks Liv…" she avoided her eyes and hesitated to go inside the classroom, feeling suddenly a little anxious and worked up.

"Hey…" Liv turned to her and smiled encouragingly, "look at me," she lifted the teen's chin, trying to get her to focus. "Ava, I love you and you're going to have a wonderful day today, leave all of this at the door, take a deep breath…"

Together, they both took a deep breath in "and imagine you're breathing all the bad feeling and bad thoughts right out…" she let go of the breath slowly. "And its gone…and I'm going to try my best to finish work early so we can get home and have dinner, all four of us and enjoy a night doing something fun."

"Okay, but do you think maybe Rory could come over?," she asked, "I really miss him and he's having trouble with Math…"

"Leave it with me, okay?"

Ava nodded. "Thanks Olivia. I'll see you at the station as soon as I finish here…"

"Okay sweetheart, if you need me to pick you up, you know the drill. If I'm not at the station, you go in to my office and start your homework and if I'm going to be late your Dad will be past as soon as he's got Noah to pick you up."

"Okay," she smiled.

"Can I give you a hug or is that too uncool?" Liv asked with a laugh.

Ava grinned at her and wrapped her arms around the tall detective. "I love you too, Liv. Thanks for doing my hair today," as she pulled away she ran her hands over the reverse double braid. "I think I look cute…"

"You're always cute, kiddo. Have a fantastic day."

/

"I am not having this conversation with you, detective Stabler!" Olivia shook her head with annoyance, "who do you think you are, walking in to my office, yelling at me? Know your damn place!"

Elliot watched her slowly raise from her chair. "What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? What happened to you?"

"Oh trust me, I know you don't mean that as a genuine question, Elliot, because maybe if you asked that almost a year ago things wouldn't be the way they are now…" wounded, Olivia couldn't help but bite.

He seemed momentarily confused but ignored the feeling. "I just needed you to back me, to tell 1PP that you know me, that I'm good at my job!" He was frustrated, he had been demoted to desk duties pending an investigation with a perp.

"But I don't know you!," she told him, lowering her voice, "I don't know the case, I don't know that you're good at your job, I don't know a fucking thing about you, so you don't storm in here asking for any fucking favours from me."

"Oh…" Elliot nodded knowingly, a tight smile crossed his mouth and the lines in his face deepened with frustration, "so that's how it's going to be, your spiteful revenge for me doing what I thought was best for my family, got it."

Olivia let her head fall back, looking up to the roof for an answer or at least to alleviate some frustration. She laughed, a tension-filled burst of awkward laughter, "we are not doing this again, you're going to turn around and leave my office the way you came in…I'm done, this conversation is over."

She glanced up and saw Ava and Trevor making their way toward her office. Neither had noticed Elliot.

"We are doing this Olivia, you've changed since you've been with that asshole Trevor Langan, and what the fuck is that about? He's the enemy, not me."

"He's not an enemy, you're not an enemy either, detective, I just don't have anything to discuss with you on a personal level — or professional really, not unless we have to share a case."

"That's bullshit and you know it," he pointed his fingers dangerously close to her face, she had a vision of snapping it off his hand. "Fuck you and fuck Trevor Langan — you let the power get to your head, the Olivia Benson I knew would be shaking her head with disgust at who you are today and you turned in to exactly what your mother was afraid of…" he turned around and came face-to-face with Trevor Langan and his daughter.

If Trevor was furious, he was holding it in; or maybe he was just calm despite his anger. Surprisingly him, Trevor glared, "who the fuck do you think you are speaking to her like that?," he raised his voice at Elliot.

"Mind your fucking business, Langan, don't act like you're innocent, letting all those rapists run free, you're as guilty as they are."

Ava had heard enough and none of them had seen it coming but Elliot was smarted by the sting of the young girl's closed fisted slap across the side of his face. Olivia's mouth dropped open in shock but Elliot didn't flinch.

Trevor pulled his daughter side, not skipping a beat, not wanting Elliot to react or involuntarily go to restrain his daughter. He adjusted his jaw and shook it off, rubbing the spot where Ava had hit him.

"You can be arrested for hitting a police officer, maybe your father can teach you to keep your hands to yourself," he spoke fiercely and slowly so that his words sank in. Ava recoiled away from him as if she was scared he might strike her back.

"That's fucking rich coming from you," Trevor called after him as Elliot threaded past him, ready to leave.

Ava was already crying, shocked by her own actions. She apologised profusely. "I'm sorry, Dad, I'm sorry Liv, I didn't mean it—" she blurted out between tears, "I didn't mean to hit him I just…" her own hand was stinging and red, the slap probably hurting her more than Elliot but it wasn't the point.

"Its okay," Olivia said.

"I don't want to get arrested," she sat down in the chair opposing Liv's desk.

"You're not getting arrested," Trevor told her firmly, "you're okay."

"What happened?" Barba asked, sticking his head in to the office, realising something had gone down. He looked at the teen girl who yesterday and been too-cool-for-school. He noticed the two gobsmacked adults and Ava holding her hand out, red.

"I didn't mean to hit him, I'm so sorry," she told Olivia and her Dad.

Barba laughed, "Oh, oh, oh… shit, Elliot just got clocked by a 14 year old. Wow!," he began to chuckle, "Hey kid, you might actually be my hero-"

Trevor glared at him over his shoulder, "you're not helping, Rafael," he muttered.

Olivia and Trevor comforted his daughter until she had calmed down. "Am I in big trouble?" Ava asked softly.

"You're in some trouble, yes, big trouble?" Trevor asked, "No." Despite the fact that throwing hands wasn't exactly what he'd taught his daughter to so freely do, he was secretly glad that he'd watched Elliot get sucker-slapped by a teenage girl and was impressed with his daughter's ability to act so fast.

"Where's Noah?" Olivia asked, suddenly alarmed. Ava was supposed to come directly after school but she had joined some kids who decided to play soccer for awhile.

"Its okay, he's with Sonny in the kiosk, I think Sonny promised him chocolate from the vending machine and at that point Noah forgot our names…" he told Liv quietly.

Liv wanted to smile, but she also wanted to have a word to Ava before the moment had passed. "Honey, I can't have you coming in here and acting on your emotions. I know you know you did the wrong thing here, but it can't happen again here— or anywhere really."

"I know, I'm so sorry."

"Its okay baby… come on, let's all of us just… go home."

"Are you sure Elliot isn't going to arrest me?" Ava asked quietly.

"Promise I will never let him arrest you," Olivia replied.

Ava sighed and Trevor put his arm around her. "Ava, go get Noah please, we're going…"

/

"What the fuck was that!" Trevor hissed to Olivia. "That was … some fight in her."

Olivia laughed with frustration, "she shouldn't have done that… but is it wrong that there's a part of me that feels avenged?"

Trevor held back a smile. "She's lucky she did it because if she hadn't been standing in front of me, I think I would have launched at him. I'm so sorry about all the shit he said."

"Don't be… when he's mad he says dumb shit. He's always done it. I'm not shocked or hurt. But wow… never a dull moment, huh?"

"Welcome to being the parent of a give-no-fucks teen girl," he muttered quietly as Ava re-appeared with Noah and Sonny dawdling behind her.

"Ok, let's go home. I'm tired and now everyone has seen me cry," Ava sulked.