Chapter 39 - Bonnie (Originally Published: 20 May 2016)
Bonnie gripped her knees to her chest, listening intently to the lyrical workings of the CD Finn had given her. This homemade album was not something he would have listened to himself, so naturally it confused her that he'd found it important enough to pass on to her. She had no idea how he'd even obtained the disc—he refused to tell her anything more than that she 'just had to listen to the words, alone, and without any distractions'.
As the final song on the CD came to a close, a chorus of voices stopped suddenly and on cue with the instrumental accompaniment. In spite of how many times she'd already listened to the disc, she still found herself getting emotional, holding onto that last note for as long as the singers did, reluctant to finally let go of everything she'd held so closely. Bonnie let the chorus linger in her head for just a moment more before hitting the eject button on her new stereo system; it'd been a Christmas gift her boyfriend had surprised her with this year. The writing on the disc had been marked out, leaving her with no clue as to what it could have said before. However, that didn't stop her from twisting the CD in the light to examine it for the hundredth time, looking for any hints as to why Finn was so adamant that she pay attention to it. She heaved an exhausted sigh as her eyes once again failed to spot any clues in the black mass on the surface of the CD, and slid the disc back into the stereo system, trying to ignore the digitalised time display informing her that she had been awake for far too long.
Possibly the most troubling thing about this album was how specific it was to her own emotions. Each song had been carefully chosen to convey a message, heavily imbued with intense emotion. Bonnie had no idea what the creator's intentions were when they crafted such a moving playlist, but she knew what it meant to her: Marceline.
It was late though, and she was probably just reading into it too much… but the message behind each song reminded her of her childhood friend. Everything from their tentative beginnings as neighbours, to the confusing loss of their friendship, to the feelings she now knew to be real had been established in the progression from song to song. The last track was especially appropriate - a sombre melody that captured her distress and her decision to give up on her newly discovered feelings, knowing that things were better off this way. It was all too perfect, and even though Finn could have had no idea that Bonnie felt the way she did, he'd inadvertently given her something unbelievably intimate and personal. Something so true to her that it dug up the garden of her heart, resurfacing the emotions that she'd tried so hard to bury.
A sharp pang of guilt ravaged her conscience. It should have been Bongo. All these feelings that the CD forced her to experience again... they should have reminded her of him. She wanted to break that stupid disc in half; instead of providing her with the closure she needed, it had caused an adverse reaction. Now, the unrequited love she felt for Marceline was battering her again, reminding her with every blow that she was not over this. She wasn't ready to be friends again. Maybe she never would be. Marceline had sunk these big, terrible fangs into her heart, and it was unlikely that they would ever allow her to be free of the inner conflict that tore her to pieces every time she saw the other girl with Phoebe. She touched her face, wiping away the warm wetness that coated her cheeks. Tears. When had that happened?
Bonnie glanced at her calendar, frowning when she saw the date. As if she hadn't already known what lay ahead of her today. Maybe she thought that looking at her calendar again would somehow alter the course of time. Unfortunately, that hadn't been the case. How am I supposed to go to the New Year's party now? I can't be around the two of them without suffocating in my own despair. I want to be strong and sacrifice my own feelings in order to do the right thing, but how is that possible when all I want anymore is Marceline?
Phoebe had been right to try to intervene. Bonnie had allowed herself to get too close to her old friend—against her better judgement, no less. It didn't matter that they were both in relationships; even the small act of entertaining these thoughts made her disloyal to Bongo and, perhaps just as bad, disrespectful to Marceline and Phoebe's relationship. After all that the two girls had been through together, the least she could do would be to heed Phoebe's warning and remove herself from the situation entirely. Bonnie flopped over onto her side, her body as restless as the thoughts whirring around her head.
If only she had another friend as dear to her as Marceline, someone she could talk to in the middle of the night who would comfort her simply with their presence. There was Bongo, of course, but she imagined the guilt would become unbearable if she asked her boyfriend to console her over the feelings she had for another person. Aeryn wouldn't work either. She simply didn't have the life experience that Bonnie felt was necessary to help her get through this. Finn would gladly try to help her, but he was also far too stubborn to let things go when they needed to be forgotten.
She sighed. Part of her was actually considering giving Marceline a ring. They'd known each other for so long that their silence spoke volumes. However, even if she could somehow find the courage to call her old friend, Phoebe would no doubt be there as well: the girl who had scared her to tears a mere week ago. I'm supposed to be removing myself from the situation. After the party tonight, I'll only talk to Marceline when I absolutely have to.
Bonnie chewed her lip, staring absent-mindedly at her phone. A thought hit her suddenly; there was one other person she could talk to - a friend who not only knew the situation, but who had never minded talking to her when she needed it. She picked up her phone and scrolled through the contacts until she found the name she was searching for. The recipient answered after a couple of rings, greeting her with groggy surprise.
"Hey, Keila. What are you doing right now?" Bonnie glanced at the stereo as if the words coming out of it were a personal offence, distressing her and distracting from the conversation she wanted to have. She wasn't entirely sure when she'd pressed play again, but she hit the power button on the stereo system, glad to finally have an excuse to separate herself from it.
"Sleeping. Like you should be doing. What's up, sweetie?"
She threw the covers off of her, regretting the decision immediately as the cold winter air that had squeezed through the doors and windows of her house shocked her system. After taking a moment to recover from the icy blast, she got out of bed. "I can't sleep. I'm too restless. Would you like to come over? I can drive you to the party later today, I just need someone to keep me company. I'll make you breakfast in the morning?"
"Mmm. A woman after my own heart." Keila yawned, interrupting the flow of conversation to remind Bonnie yet again of the time. "All right, come get me. But you better not take back that offer of breakfast."
"I won't." She laughed. "I'll be right over. It's cold outside, so dress appropriately."
Bonnie snuggled closer to the warm body next to her, inhaling deeply the scent of coconut and vanilla. This was different from waking up with Bongo. Of course, she cherished the feeling of security that came with his muscular arms wrapped around her, but this body was soft. It was cosy in a different way. Not more safe, but more… familiar.
"Watch the hands, Bon."
Her eyes shot open. In her face was a cloud of black hair, tickling her nose and face. "Sorry!" was out of her mouth before she'd even drawn her head back all the way. Despite the unwarranted groping, she didn't untangle her arms from around Keila's midsection.
"It's okay," she said, turning around to look Bonnie in the eye. "I don't mind cuddling, but fondling is Guy's job. Sorry, Bonnie." She winked. "So how about that breakfast?"
Bonnie rolled her eyes. "I already promised I would make it." She snuggled closer to Keila, glad for the warmth she provided. "Can we just… stay in bed for a little longer? We have all day before we have to be at Phoebe's party."
Keila's smile slowly faded, replaced with a look of concern. She placed a hand on Bonnie's arm. "How does that make you feel? I mean, going to Phoebe's house after everything that's happened must be hard."
"I don't really want to go, to be honest. Bongo does though, and everyone else will be there. I pretty much have to go." She watched Keila for a moment. It was oddly comforting to stare into the other girl's eyes. In her gaze was the comforting care of a mother, but also the fierce independence of a strong woman. Maybe that was why it was so easy to open up to her and be afraid of her at the same time.
Keila inhaled deeply. "You don't have to go. Nobody is going to think any less of you for skipping out on a stupid party, especially when it involves Phoebe—who everyone knows you don't even get along with, mind. I could talk to Bongo if you want. Maybe the two of you could go on a date of your own."
"That's kind of the thing." Bonnie pulled her legs closer to her body. "If I didn't go, I wouldn't want him to change his mind either. He's been talking about this party all week." Truthfully, she just wanted to be alone, where she didn't have to deal with anything or anyone today. Welcoming the new year was the least of her worries. Nothing would change with the celebration of a new day anyway; Bonnie would still be stuck in this constant battle of emotional turmoil, forever lost at sea and surrounded by the dark, murky forbiddenness of her own thoughts.
"He has always been really keen on parties." Keila stuck her tongue in her cheek, thinking for a moment. "Is that why you called me last night? Because you didn't want to go?"
She shrugged, looking away for a moment. "There's a hundred reasons why I don't want to go, but not a single one feels justifiable enough for me to stay home. I think if I just go and get it over with, everything will be okay. I'm sorry. I'm just being a big baby."
Keila's brows knitted together, her gaze turning serious. "If at any time tonight you decide you want to leave, tell me. We can come back here, or go to my house, or literally anything else. Okay, sweetheart?" Bonnie nodded. "I won't even drink tonight. That way if you want to I can still get us home in one piece."
"What about the others?" She was really starting to like Keila's idea. Now it was only a matter of figuring out when would be an appropriate time for them to leave. There was no way she was going to have a good time, that was certain. She would just need to go for long enough to keep up appearances. Or something.
Keila pursed her lips. "I'll text them after we leave. Bongo will be understanding and Guy… well, frankly he won't give a shit one way or the other. We can always go back the next morning anyway to pick up whoever doesn't have a ride home. Although, now that Marce is driving again I don't suppose that's much of a problem."
Bonnie smiled. Things were starting to look up for her. She was still stuck going to that stupid party in the first place, but if she avoided Marceline and Phoebe for the majority of the night and left early with Keila, then everything would turn out fine.
She untangled herself from Keila and stretched out her arms and legs. "Mm… So, how about that breakfast?"
Keila licked her lips. "I thought you'd never ask."
The sky was covered in one massive, low hanging cloud, blotting out all the tiny specks of light that would have otherwise added a more calming atmosphere to the inky blackness above. A cold wind ran rampant under the veil of white, heedlessly ploughing into everything in sight, free of the moon's vigilant watch on the planet below. The rampaging frost that blew against the windscreen only further proved Bonnie's theory that tonight was a bad time for festivities. She was, however, intrigued by the brightness of the sky. Somehow, even without the light from the distant orbs to guide them, there was a luminosity to this night that had not been present on any other night that week.
"Did you listen to the CD I gave you?" Finn asked quietly, glancing nervously to Guy and Keila in the back seat. They were too absorbed in their own devices to pay any heed to the conversation happening right in front of them.
Bonnie had listened to it for almost the entire night, awestruck at its resemblance to her own inner workings. She couldn't tell Finn that though; that it had stirred up the taboo feelings she still had for her childhood friend, leaving her confused and uprooted. "I did. The music on it was brilliant."
"I'm sure it was." He shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets to hide their fidgeting, but she could still see the shape of his fingers fumbling around from within the cloth. "I didn't listen to it. I just… found it somewhere and thought you should give it a listen. I know you're going to ask questions, but that's all I'm going to say."
She signalled her turn and came to a complete stop in the middle of the deserted street. No one had been behind them for the entirety of their trip. Most likely, the other drivers in town were already at their own parties, preparing to usher in the new year. "What is this about, Finn? Why are you being so weird about that dumb disc?"
He continued to stare ahead of him, weighing his words before he spoke. "I'm sorry, Bonnie. I just can't tell you anything else about it. Maybe I shouldn't have given it to you at all. It wasn't my place, and I feel bad… It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Just so you could hear it at least once."
Bonnie agreed that he shouldn't have given it to her. With everything resurfacing again, she wished she'd never heard that damnable CD… but Finn looked plenty guilty already, and she didn't want to make him feel worse. She made the turn onto the next street, her heart pounding harder with each metre they advanced towards their destination. Nervous was not even close to how she was feeling right now. Mental was probably a more accurate description. She glanced at Keila in her rear-view mirror, embarrassed to see the other girl looking back at her. Keila smiled, giving her the extra bit of strength she needed to continue.
In the passenger seat, Finn was clutching onto his safety belt, holding it as if it might provide some kind of protection from his own distraught conscience and whatever thoughts it seemed to keep hidden. "Are you looking forward to the party? Phoebe's house is super huge."
"I've been there," she said, avoiding his question. Truth be told, she could hardly remember that night at all, or what Phoebe's house looked like other than a few blurry details. She'd gotten completely pissed at the party Bongo had talked her into attending, angry that she was there at all and struggling to deal with the feelings she'd kept locked up finally breaking free. Bongo had been forced to help her walk out to the car, and had spent the entire next day taking care of her blinding hangover - more evidence that he was a better boyfriend than she deserved.
"Oh, yeah. I remember that party," Keila said from the back-seat, distracting Finn from pursuing his earlier question. She waved her phone around, gesturing to a stream of text messages. "Bongo and the others are already there. I think Jake and Aeryn rode with him after all."
"Probably. They aren't allowed to be alone together for a while." Finn smirked. A prideful gleam shone in his eyes. "They got caught out past curfew and now both our parents and the Yang's are sceptical about them seeing each other without parental supervision. I don't think they even know all the details about the party tonight."
Bonnie saw Guy and Keila exchange a surprised look from her mirror, before Guy laughed out loud. "Remind me to congratulate the bloke. I didn't think he had it in him to break any of his precious rules. And that Aeryn especially. My dad says she's an angel in his class. Perfect grades, never talks, the whole package."
Bonnie wished she could remove her friend's name from his dirty mouth. He didn't know her. He wasn't allowed to judge her… but, she hated to admit that he was right about Aeryn and Jake. They weren't exactly known for acting out.
She came to a stop at the end of the already occupied driveway, her chest aching at the likelihood of tonight ending terribly. Her musings on her friends were overtaken, conquered by her previous anxieties. As her passengers unfastened their safety belts, she found herself sinking further down into worry. "Well, this is it," she said as she reluctantly took her key out of the ignition. "Lock the doors on your way out, please."
"Sure thing, Bon," she heard Keila say, but her focus was entirely on suppressing the surge of apprehension that made it harder for her to breathe steadily. Bonnie stuffed her keys into her pocket and started to follow the stone walkway that led to the front of the house. She felt as though she should say something, to relieve the tension that continued to build inside of her, but her mouth was suddenly dry and she couldn't manage to swallow past the growing lump in her throat. Face-to-face with the enormous house, she lifted her fist to knock on the heavy oak door, more determined than ever to get this night over with. Just last until midnight. Then you and Keila can leave and go do something more fun. There are probably some snooker clubs that will still be open later tonight.
Something cold touched her nose, snapping her back to reality. She looked to the sky, confused. Pure white flakes were swirling all around them, a visible rain of memories that placed her back in the shoes of a young Bonnibel, trying desperately to make a bigger snowman than the exuberant tomboy living next door. She had never won that battle, but it was the oldest memory she had of Marceline. It was the one memory that stood out among all the rest... the one she held most dear.
"Hey, Bonnie!" Bongo opened the door for her, excited to see her again. "I'm glad you're finally here. I was starting to get worried you'd gotten lost." He kissed her before welcoming everyone in from the cold.
The small display of affection felt empty to her. Was it because of Bongo? Or was she the empty one? Neither scenario was pleasant for her. The outcome of each of them ended with the depressing realisation that Bonnie was truly abhorrent. I'm just grumpy. I didn't sleep much last night, she told herself.
Bongo closed and locked the front door before turning to her. He kissed her again, the action no less numb than before. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you as well," she said, resting her head on his chest. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, and she felt safe again, if only momentarily. She had to remind herself once more that this was where she was meant to be. Bongo was good to her, and when they were together, she was happy. It was only when her mind was left to wander on its own accord that she fell into the trap of missing Marceline and having second thoughts about her own relationship. She just needed to spend more time with Bongo to get her bearings straight. That was her new year's resolution, to fall for him all over again. Bonnie looked up at her boyfriend, and allowed him to kiss her yet again.
"Let me get your coat for you," he said suddenly, holding out his hand. She shed the garment and gave it to him so that he could hang it in the coat closet by the front door. "Bea told me that they're dating Finn now. Isn't that exciting?" he asked, smiling that broad, dopey smile of his. "I guess everyone has someone to spend tonight with, huh?"
She nodded. "They both texted me after it happened. It's adorable to see them so worked up about each other."
"I wonder why they didn't want to ride together tonight?" He took her hand and laced their fingers together. "I guess they have their reasons. It doesn't really matter." He shrugged. Bongo squeezed her hand gently, replacing his previous confusion with a smile. "Are you ready to go see the others, then?"
"I am," she said, steeling her nerves. She was more ready to get this over with than she was to see anyone at all. This new year was already shaping up to be less than stellar.
Bongo led her into the lounge where everyone else had already been gathered, sitting on furniture that looked as though each singular piece cost more than Bonnie's entire room collectively. A record played from a modern vinyl system - Nick Drake; she knew the artist well. He was one of Marceline's favourite musicians growing up. Everybody appeared relaxed, their attentions drawn to the flashing pictures on the television. Drinks were scattered on the elegant coffee table—beer bottles, water cups, wine glasses—each of them sitting intimately close to another beverage, mimicking their owners.
All of their friends were couples now, she realised. The lounge was littered with groups of two, casually wrapped up in each other. Finn and Bea were the only ones with a bit of space between them, with their hands being the only link they had to each other.
That's cute. They're nervous. Bonnie smiled, enamoured by the charm of new love… until her eyes fell onto another couple she knew.
Marceline and Phoebe sat alone on a sofa, their arms tangled in each other's. Unlike the other party goers, whose attention was on the telly, their eyes were locked on each other. They were speaking quietly, placing kisses all over the other's face. It wasn't unusual at this point to see the couple so absorbed in one another, but it never ceased to make Bonnie's insides sick. She forced herself to turn her attention to the table in front of them, where a glass of water and an open beer bottle sat forgotten.
"Oi, Bonnie! Play me." Guy slid a video game controller across the table to her; she'd barely caught it before it went flying off the surface. "Jake brought his PS4 in case we wanted to have a tournament in this fighting game he has. You're up first."
"Oh. I don't really-"
"Come on, Bonnibel! I believe in you!" Marceline said, clapping her hands in support. The two of them briefly made eye contact, and it took everything in her not to shatter from the familiarity of that gaze, and the distance that had been placed between them.
She nodded and looked down at the controller. "Okay. I can figure this out." Other than the big black pad in the middle of the controller, the configuration was more or less familiar. Bonnie placed her fingers on each of the buttons, trying to get a feel for the controller. "Are you ready?"
Guy smirked, but his eyebrows were still set in that seemingly permanent scowl of his. She wondered if this whole time she'd just been misreading him, and in actuality his 'attitude' was just his usual face. "I'm still getting the game set up. Hang on a second."
Bongo used the bottle opener keychain that he carried with him to pop off the cap of a cold beer before handing it to Bonnie. A misty spirit danced out of the opening at the top, an alcoholic genie in her brown glass. "Here's a drink while you're waiting," he said, taking the opportunity to place a wet kiss on her cheek. For some reason, now that they were in front of everyone else she felt almost… embarrassed.
Bonnie blew away the mist dancer before taking a huge gulp of the bitter liquid. "Thank you." She set the bottle on the table and walked around to sit next to Guy on the floor. "Are we ready then?"
"Yeah. Just pick your three characters. It's like a tag team thing." His eyes scanned the screen, carefully selecting his own group.
She examined the vibrantly-coloured-three-dimensional characters, surprised that she actually knew a good bit of them, albeit from films that had come out recently. Bonnie glanced at the characters Guy would be using. She didn't know anything about them, but they were slender characters that looked fast. If she'd learned anything from Finn's ramblings, it was that fast characters were generally pretty weak on the defensive side.
Guy nudged her and then pointed at the countdown in the middle of the character selection screen. "Your time's almost up, Bonnie. Hurry up and pick."
She pursed her lips. Her thumb pushed the joystick in the direction of each of her new recruits, which gained a derisive snort from her opponent. I hope this works. I'll have to thank Finn later if it does.
The match consisted of three rounds, meaning that the victor would have to win at least two of those rounds. The first fight pit Guy's team member—some snarky magic user who zoomed from one end of the screen to the other with lighting speed—against Bonnie's shielded superhero. For almost the whole minute, she held her defences up, watching Guy's frustration play out. Both the Carson boy and his character were uttering vulgar taunts in her direction, but little did they know she was merely lying in wait, learning his play style before her first strike. Finally, with twenty seconds left on the clock, she mashed down on button after button, parrying when she suspected he was about to attack and jumping over his head to hit him from behind. To probably everyone's surprise, but most satisfyingly Guy's, she won the first round. The second round was not at all in her favour. She'd misjudged the characters poorly and lost due to a mix of her own clumsy fingers and the poor control that came with a character whose muscle mass took up a quarter of the screen.
By the third round, everyone in the room was on the edge of their seats. Guy had even stopped his jeering to focus on the match. Bonnie had picked a character that was more closely suited to her opponent's own team. The match was a blur of speedy fighters and button mashed combos. With each hit she landed on Guy, he counter-attacked with a similarly powerful move. By now, they'd learned each other's tactics. If she wanted to beat him, she'd have to surprise him. Bonnie blocked a few times, watching for an opening. Their health bars were both devastatingly low, and the timer was creeping up on them. She considered avoiding her opponent for the rest of the round to force a tiebreaker match, but her fingers were getting sore and she wasn't sure she could put up another good fight. Maybe it would be better if she threw the match now, that way she could at least say she went down swinging.
Then suddenly, she found her opening.
"What the fuck, Bonnie?!" Guy jumped to his feet and flung his controller down. "What was that! How did you fucking do that?!"
She set the controller down gently and shook out her hands. "I play with Finn and Jake sometimes. I've never seen this game before, but this isn't my first fighting game." Bonnie grabbed the controller again and turned to Finn, offering him her turn. "Do you want to play next? I think I'm done with that for one night. I'm already going to have blisters."
He took it from her. "Yeah, thanks." In his eyes was a glint of wonder. "We just got this game for Christmas, but that was the best thing I've ever seen."
Bonnie thanked him before taking her seat by her boyfriend. Midnight hadn't come yet, and she'd promised herself that she would at least last until then. She watched her friends having fun around her, each of them taking a shot at the game before ultimately crowning Jake the winner (despite Marceline arguing that he had an unfair advantage, the game being his and all).
Bonnie counted off the hours by the empty beer bottles piling up in front of her, until she finally reached that state of nirvana that she so desperately sought. Her body was numb, and her thoughts were scattered into the abyss of her mind.
By that point she finally felt comfortable and sure with her boyfriend again, because without the stifling anxieties of her thoughts she was able to once again find in him what she'd been attracted to in the first place. Bongo was so sweet, and when he kissed her, he did it with an unconditional yearning. He did it with love. Bongo loved her… and she… she really loved him.
At least, she thought she did.
Bonnie detached her lips from his, frowning. "Can you get me another beer?"
"Are you sure? I think you've had enough." His half lidded eyes traced her features, looking for reassurance that she was okay. He was too drunk to put up a fight, evident by the red splotches on his cheeks.
"I'm positive. I'm only a bit tipsy, I can handle one more." She just wanted to escape, to get lost in his pale blue eyes again without daydreaming about a set of brown.
He nodded and struggled to get to his feet, his huge body swaying slightly. "I'll be right back."
Bonnie waited for him, twirling her finger around the frayed thread in her jeans. A body plopped down next to her, although not her boyfriend's she immediately knew.
"Are you okay, Bonnie? Your face is really red." Bea tilted their head, looking at her with bright, innocent eyes. She nodded, too exhausted for words. "Finn and I just came in a bit ago. There's snow everywhere."
"Wait, really?" Marceline interrupted, excitement littering her words. "Like enough to play in?"
Bea nodded. "Aeryn noticed it first. She didn't bring a heavy enough coat though so she and Jake didn't come out and play with us."
Marceline looked at her girlfriend, like a child being gifted copious amounts of their favourite candy. "Can we go?"
"I don't like the cold, but you're welcome to go have fun without me." Phoebe's voice struck a chord in Bonnie's subconscious. Why couldn't she go outside and play with her own girlfriend? Was she too good for the cold or something?
She wasn't sure where the thoughts had come from, but before she could stop herself for long enough to think, she blurted, "I'll go."
"Really?" Marceline looked from her to Phoebe, seemingly oblivious to the death glare her girlfriend had on Bonnie. "Is that okay?"
Phoebe straightened her posture, her features forming into a warning. Bonnie couldn't be bothered to care though. The many beers she'd downed were starting to take their toll on her. "Go ahead, babes," Phoebe said, turning back to Marceline. "I trust you."
Bonnie stood up, nearly stumbling under the surprise bout of dizziness that hit her. Thankfully, Marceline caught her around the waist and helped her steady herself. "Tell Bongo to just set my drink down. I'll get it when I come back in." She booped Bea on the nose and waved goodbye, taking slow, careful steps towards the front door. A few times she almost stumbled, but Marceline was always there to catch her.
When they got to the entrance, Bonnie rifled through the coat closet for the correct garment. She was sure no one else would mind if she used their outerwear, but her own coat was exceedingly comfortable. Her hands were clumsy though; several times she'd accidentally knocked someone else's coat off one of the hangers that had been placed there for guest use, which left her fumbling to put things back the way she'd found them.
After an embarrassingly long time, she found her own coat. However, even after all the trouble she'd already been through, the sleeves refused to cooperate with her, determined to make her look more foolish and drunk than she'd appeared before. "I'm sorry, I promise I'm not that drunk," she said, smiling apologetically to her friend. That's right. My best friend.
Marceline laughed. "Here, let me help you with that." She reached out, and somehow her deft hands magically soothed the angry jumbles in her sleeves.
Oddly, it made Bonnie feel more calm. The warmth of Marceline's fingers sliding across her bare arms to assist in pushing them through the sleeves made her skin tickle, although to be fair, it could have been the alcohol. When they were both dressed appropriately, Marceline opened the door, letting in a cool crispness.
It was stepping out into the freezing cold that shocked some of Bonnie's senses back to sobriety. The air wasn't as cold as she remembered it being when they were younger, rather it was more pleasant now. She blinked a few times to clear her vision, and looked out into the winter wonderland.
A blanket of white covered the area, leaving no distinction between the garden and the road outside except for a set of tyre marks left behind by a late night driver.
"It's beautiful," Marceline said, completely in awe. She inhaled deeply and let it go, her breath a white mist on the air, before running into the garden. The ground crunched under each step.
Bonnie laughed. Something about Marceline's demeanour made her feel young again, free of worries. She bent down to scoop up a handful of snow and clumped it into a firm ball. "Marceline!" When the other girl stopped to look, she threw the snowball at her.
"You missed!" Marceline bent down to grab a handful of snow, but instead of balling it up, she ran towards her.
Bonnie realised immediately what she was doing and screamed, running away from the danger. "No! Stop!" Unfortunately, she was still far too drunk to get far. Marceline caught up to her and threw the handful of snow down the back of her shirt, eliciting another scream from Bonnie. "No! It's cold!"
She grabbed an armful and tried to throw it back at Marceline, but the loose snow separated in a spray of glistening white.
Marceline laughed at her failed attempt at revenge. "Hey, do you remember when we used to make snowmen together?"
"Of course." Bonnie caught her bottom lip in between her teeth. "I bet I could make a bigger one than you," she said with a little hop. Then she laughed, deflating all that energy instantly. "Or we could just make one together, because I'm pretty sure I'd lose right now."
Marceline knelt down to gather some snow. "I'll let you slide just this once." She clumped a huge pile together before rolling it along the ground, navigating it to help form a perfect sphere.
"I've got the middle." Bonnie followed suit, making another pile of snow. She was happy for Marceline's sake that they had the proper kind of snow for playing in, the kind that stuck together in all the right ways. "Do you remember when you used to sneak into Mr. Butler's garden every winter?"
"Yeah, I made a bunch of snow people on his garden furniture. He freaked out and called the police one time." She rolled the huge snowball back over to where Bonnie was. "Here, I'll get another." Marceline stopped suddenly in her tracks and stared up at the sky.
"What is it?" Bonnie asked, looking up. She hadn't noticed before, but glittering crystals were drifting down again, surrounding them with a new layer of calm. The freshly-born snow caressed their cheeks, cold kisses that melted on impact. It was marvellous, but she was suddenly distracted. Somehow, seeing Marceline's brilliant smile shine through the snow warmed her heart. Maybe it was the way she looked at the falling snow with childlike wonder, or the way the white flakes looked beautiful before they melted in her hair; but in that moment, Bonnie knew everything was going to be okay.
She reached down and grabbed another handful of snow, moulding it into a firm ball. This time, she hit her target.
"Hey!" Marceline chased her, both of them stumbling through the snow until they were out of breath and laughing. By then, their noses were cold and raw.
"We should probably go back in. I bet your head is cold," Bonnie said, reaching up to touch the half of Marceline's head that had recently been shaved. Her hair had begun growing back fast, already prickly and dark.
"It is." Marceline opened the door and followed her back in. She laughed, watching Bonnie struggle to get her arm unstuck from her coat. "Do you need help?"
"Please." With both of their efforts, they managed to release Bonnie's limb from the possessive jaws of her coat.
Marceline was still going on about the snow, happy to have seen it for the first time in years. She was so adorable when she ranted on about the things she enjoyed. Even when she had no idea what her friend was excited for, Bonnie had always found Marceline's ramblings interesting.
Her thoughts were still buzzed and scattered though. They drifted from Marceline's words back to the disc Finn had given her, and to all the emotions they stirred up about her childhood friend. Everything just seemed to lead back to her. She'd tried so many times before to keep a safe distance—lest her emotions become a storm of tears once more—but it seemed that no matter what happened between them, Bonnie could not seem to stay away from her for very long.
What am I doing? She licked her lips, her eyes falling down to Marceline's own. All she had to do was turn and walk back to her boyfriend. She could leave this party now, maybe… but her head was still muddled, blurring the lines between will and want.
...And those lips looked so soft and inviting. They provoked a warmth inside of Bonnie, a desperate yearning for something she'd only dreamt of before. She wasn't sure how her thoughts had gotten so far off track, but the next thing she knew, she was kissing Marceline.
She was surprised with herself, but the heady effect of her blood pulsing rapidly through her veins made her dizzy - not in the same way that drinking did, nor did she feel the way she did when her studying had caused her to miss a meal. She felt like she was floating, anchored only by the magnetism between her body and the one that had caused her so many sleepless nights full of confusing thoughts.
Even though the kiss had been entirely unwarranted, Marceline didn't pull back. She didn't entirely return the kiss either though; she was tentative, holding back as if she wasn't sure she wanted this.
Bonnie pulled away, regaining her senses all at once. She wanted to apologise, but when she saw Marceline's eyes, wide and unblinking, she fell into them, and all thoughts of spoken explanations faded from her mind.
"What was that?" Marceline's voice was soft, barely audible.
"I…" There was only one thing on the edge of her tongue, one confession. It tumbled out of her mouth in a drunken slur. "I love you."