Hi there, so the narrative of this chapter will be like Lena was talking about something in the past for her. In Lena's POV, the dialogue will be in Italic to represent the notion of flashback. Hope, it's clear and you like the chapter. Enjoy!
CH 44
*** Lena's POV ***
You lose something and you want it back. It shouldn't be hard to get, if it was yours more than once, getting it back should be easy, right? And yet, it was driving me crazy the lack of progress after I declared my feelings to Kara. Me, Lena Luthor, the woman who never… EVER shows any kind of emotion, was the first one to say the word 'Love' this time. I've never been the kind of person who expresses her feelings so freely and when I finally had the courage to do it. To put my heart out there. What did I get? Radio silence.
Hiding and avoiding were not the reactions I was expecting from Kara. The blonde was doing till the impossible to shut down any closeness between the two of us. From flying away the moment I appeared in the DEO, to decline all my gifts, my calls and texts. She was doing a great job pushing me away. She even returned me the big order of donuts I sent her, for Lord Sake! Donuts! When has she refused to eat a donut?! Never, till that moment. This was getting to a new level. The blonde showed no interest in getting to know me, at least this version of myself.
If I could, I would have kicked the ass of the other Lena, who screwed it so badly. Maybe if I kicked my own ass, would Kara see me with better eyes? Probably no…
Trust issues. I know them too well. I've had them many times, even with Kara. So, I get it! When I felt hurt too, I built a wall and I suffocated behind it. So, I understood her position against me after all, she was hurt by me! Or a version of me. But, that doesn't mean it didn't suck to know she wasn't going to take another chance with me. Too afraid to get hurt again, she was rejecting me from day one. And, let me tell you something, being rejected by the person you love, it's hard. But, being rejected every single day by that person, over and over, it's harsh! Nonetheless, I wasn't ready to stop. I wasn't going to give up. Not least in view of what was at stake: my happy family.
So, against any logic, against any hope. I insisted to the point I enticed Kara to a game of chase. A game where I was chasing her. I became a version of Pepe Le Pew. Our day-to-day was like watching a Pepe Le Pew cartoon. One lover, blindly pursuing an unrequited love, no matter how ridiculous it made him look. That was me, a cheap version of Pepe Le Pew. I'm pretty sure I've never looked so pathetic and desperate in my life. I thought I was hitting rock bottom, but God! How was I wrong! Because when Andrea Rojas, Ex-friend and at the time, CEO of Catco, decided to make Supergirl her personal bodyguard, that's when I really touched bottom.
Photos of them together, the press hinting and speculating about a possible romance between them. It was just… ahhrrrr! You know?!
I couldn't blame Andrea for drooling over Supergirl. One pic of those abs and any girl, straight or not, would go for it. But, why?! WHY?! Supergirl had to smile in all their photos together?! Why did she need to carry her, bridley-style? WHY?! Why her and not me?! My jealousy got the worst of me, like every time.
The blonde was and will always be my obsession, but jealousy brought it to a new other level. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat. I didn't work. My days went by, looking for pics of Supergirl with the new hot CEO in town. Andrea grabbing her arm. Andrea taking a selfie with her. Andrea… Andrea… Andrea! All I could think about was how this woman was going to steal something from me, again!
First she went behind my back, stealing the medallion that I was looking for, from my mother's research and now, she was trying to steal Kara from me?! My woman! The mother of my kids! My wife! My world! Hell no! I needed to put an end to such nonsense. So, without thinking twice, I took two bottles of Tequila and went directly to Andrea's office at Catco.
"Working late?"
"What are you doing here, Lena?"
I wasn't sure how I didn't just crash one of the bottles in her head. She deserved that and more for trying to seduce my Kara! Because yeah, I always considered Kara like my wife even when the blonde wasn't able to stay in the same room as me for more than two minutes. Anyway, violence wasn't going to give me what I wanted from Andrea so, I controlled my anger and let the tequila do the rest.
You must know that I'm not proud of this, okay? But, Alcohol has always been my ally. From keeping me company when I had nothing in life other than work. From numbing my senses when I didn't want to feel whatever I was feeling at the moment. Loneliness, sadness… liquor always seemed the solution or at least the only way to deal with life. Now, me saying all of this, doesn't mean you've to do the same. Do not make alcohol your best buddy! But, I hope you understand better my actions from the past and those to come. Anyway, like I was saying, alcohol was my ally and it was very useful to close some deals like the one I wanted to happen with Andrea. So, one glass after another, and another and I just got Andrea exactly where I wanted…
"One thing I've never understood, it's how you can drink more than me…"
Andrea Rojas said. After drinking for more than an hour, the alcohol was finally hitting her while I was far from even looking a bit tipsy. Again, I shouldn't be proud of my good endurance, but I really am. But, that's a secret between us. Anyway, The tequila was finally driving the conversation where I wanted…
"What is this about, really, Lena? Are we finally addressing the subject of the medallion?"
"No… at least not now"
That conversation was needed for the two of us, to heal and make peace with the past and our broken friendship, but that wasn't the reason for my visit. I was there that night because…
"I would like to buy CatCo back"
"It's not for sale, Lena"
"Everything is for sale, Andy… how much? Name your price"
Andrea laughed, she might have thought I was joking and probably that's why she dared to keep the game on and say the most obscene price that came to her mind. We were talking about more than billions, it felt absurd just to consider that anyone could be able to have so much money. It was crazy! And yet, with a big smirk on my face, I got my checkbook out of my bag, I wrote the check, tore it from the checkbook and threw it to Andrea, like it was nothing. No one has ever seen so many zeros in their life, not even someone like Andrea, that was sure, because her shocked face, it was priceless.
"Lena…"
"Here… now, get out of my building"
When I got up, I was on the top of my game again. I fed my ego. My cocky attitude was back till the moment I turned towards the door and saw her there. Turning off her computer, getting ready to go home. Do not tell her this, but Kara is the only one who has the power to make a complete mess of me. To make me act out of character.
"Darling! Darling! Guess who's gonna be your boss again!"
"You didn't…"
Rushing towards her, in high heels wasn't something new for me and yet, I did an awful job at it. I don't know if it was the tequila finally getting over my head or the overwhelming, unrequested love I was feeling back then. Probably both? Anyway, it was impossible for me to make a step without falling. Thankfully, before I could hit the floor, someone didn't hesitate to catch me.
"You caught me"
"Well… yes. You could have got hurt"
Even if we weren't even friends. She cared about me and my well-being. That was more than enough to make me giggle like a fool. It wasn't because of the alcohol. It was all Kara…
"You're drunk, Ms Luthor"
"Drunk in love with you? Yes, 100% true"
"I'm not talking about that kind of drunkenness! You cannot stand up on your own"
"Well, why would I want to stand up on my own when I'm very comfortable in your arms, darling. It's very cozy to be like this with you"
Kara blushed and tried to look away. Teasing this woman was and will never be a hard task for me. Taking a chance, my lips softly brushed her neck and it was priceless the expression I got from her.
"Ms Luthor…"
"Lena, darling… I'm Lena for you, or you can also call me Lee, or wife, or love of your life if you prefer…"
She played with her glasses, like every time she gets flushed and I couldn't stop rambling about how cute she looked. Filling her with compliments, it made her blush even more. And while I adored being responsible for making those cheeks red, my eyes were already closing. The lack of sleep and the alcohol running through my veins were finally getting the best of me and thankfully, Kara didn't push me away when I curled around her, getting ready to finally get a good night of sleep, wrapped in those strong arms.
"Lena…"
"I'm getting you back, darling… I'm getting you back…"
Kara calling my name that night is the last thing I remembered and all I needed to fall asleep with a big smile on my face. The next day wasn't that pretty though, my head was killing me, the headache was awful, just as much as the disappointment of waking up alone.
"Kara…?"
She wasn't there when I woke up, nevertheless, soon, I realized I wasn't really alone since I wasn't really on my comfortable bed nor in my luxurious penthouse.
"She brought me to her place…"
Once again, I was giggling like a fool because of Kara. It was because she didn't know how to unlock my security system or because she didn't want to let me alone in that condition, drunk. I don't know. Whatever the reason, Kara brought my drunk ass into her home and I couldn't be more happy!
She even put one of her T-shirts on me! I was dreaming or what?! I wasn't sure, but in any case I wasn't planning to leave that bed at any time soon. Rolling over the bed, like a kid, hugging the pillow that held Kara's aroma so I could sniff her, it's how Kara found me that morning…
"What are you doing?"
I froze when I heard her voice. She caught me sniffing her pillow like a creepy stalker. This didn't look good for me and yet, she said nothing about it. Probably she wasn't sure what to say about it either.
"I made coffee and Alex brought her special smoothie to cure any hangover"
"Your sister is here?!"
"Well, Yes. I wasn't sure what to give you after all the alcohol you drank so, I asked the only person I know who has a big experience on the matter"
"Hey! I can hear you!"
Alex shut out from the kitchen and we chuckled when we heard a cranky Alex whining. It was the first time we were laughing together in a very long time. It was wonderful. I didn't know how much I missed hearing her laugh till that morning. God knows I would have loved to stay in Kara's bed a little longer, but facing Alex was unavoidable and the kind of things you don't want to postpone. Really, making Alex wait wasn't an option if the goal was conquering Kara once again.
So, trying to brush away the awful headache, I made myself presentable and marched towards the living room. I wasn't in the best shape to deal with the over-protective big sister that morning. And, getting on Alex's bad side wasn't an option. We exchanged a quick greeting and I was already panicking because if Kara wasn't a big fan of me, I was sure that Alex was far less.
Always waiting for the worst, it's something I cannot avoid and I really hope you're not gonna be like me. My head went to bad places when there was just silence in the room. I was so afraid to even breathe too loud that I didn't notice that Alex was even more nervous than me. Yeah, to my surprise, Alex didn't want to kick my ass like I thought. She just wanted to talk and maybe, help me with the hangover.
She was actually nice. Very comprehensive about my symptoms. Did she feel pity for me? Well, not exactly. Over the years, drinking and curing the hangover the next day of a massive, wild session of booze, it was a ritual between the two of us. It took us a good amount of time to get there. My good taste in Whisky, it helped to keep us close. But of course, this version of Alex had no memories of those days. She didn't know how good drinking buddies we were, but that didn't mean she didn't want to know about that life because she wanted to know… especially about the fact that…
"I had a kid…?"
"Huh?"
"Kara told me what you told her about the other Earth, and well… so… I had a kid?"
"Yes"
"What was its name?"
"Lexa… her name is Lexa"
"It was a girl?"
"It's a girl, Alex. A smart, beautiful, brave little girl who adores you"
"She loved me?"
"Yes, even when you force her to eat vegetables"
Alex chuckled, she didn't look surprised to find out her kid was like Kara, not a big fan of green things.
"I've always wanted a kid… a little girl…"
"I know. But why do you speak about her in the past? She's not gone, Alex"
"I don't have a kid on this Earth. I never rescued any alien child…"
"Oh… I see, but that doesn't mean it cannot happen. You can meet her again. I mean, she can be there, waiting to know you and…"
"Please don't… I…" (deep sighs) "I talked with J'onn and he told me it's very impossible to warranty the same chain of events from one Earth to another"
"What does that mean?"
"It means that all the Earths are different. The choice made in one doesn't repeat in the others and by consequences, our lives will never be the same that the ones we could have lived in another Earth"
"No… that can't be… NO!"
My heart was rejecting the idea, even if my scientific side was more than ready to contemplate that possibility. A turmoil of emotions was once again getting the best of me. My eyes were ready to start crying and probably that's why Kara flew away using as an excuse the robbery that was happening in a bank. The cold air she left, it was the straw that broke me in tears. Again, Kara wasn't there to comfort me, but I wasn't alone in my pain as Alex rushed to hug me and cry with me.
"It's painful to imagine we lost our kids. I know. I can't imagine how it's for you. You lost more than one. But, as painful as it's. You can at least remember them and that's why, I ask you to tell me more about that life. It might be lost forever but I want to know…"
"Okay…"
I was so focused on my grief, in my sorrow, in my loss that I completely forgot I wasn't the only one who lost it all. I saw myself in Alex that day, her eyes yearning for the child she didn't have anymore. Lexa wasn't present in our lives. Alex wasn't even with Sam. She was seeing someone else. She looked happy about her actual life till I started to talk about her little Lexa. The child she always wanted and she might never get back. I was sure Alex would do till the impossible to find Lexa again, but the hopes of success weren't higher than mine.
Yes, seeing the pain of others, the sadness and resignation of never having back the world we once knew and loved, it broke me even more. Back at my place, I couldn't stop wondering if I should just accept the life Lex planned for me. Could I live without Kara? Should I give up on the family that only existed in my head? Those questions were haunting me till someone stormed into my home and made the decision for me.
"I want my little heirs! And, I want them NOW!"
"Mother! What are you… wait a moment! You remember?!"
"Of course, I remember. Do you really believe your brother would spare me the pain of losing my little heirs too? Lex's twisted mind wants to torture me, punish me just as much as you or maybe even more"
Lillian heavily sighed. In the new world created, she was supposed to be on the top of her game. All the power, money she could dream of, it was within her reach and yet, all she wanted was to get back the hand-made bracelet that one of her little heirs made for her in another timeline. Her naked wrist was an awful reminder of what she didn't have here. She missed my family just as much as me and that's probably why she gave me an unexpected visit, she was desperate to make it happen even if I was already considering giving up on that beautiful dream.
"It's not so simple, mother. Kara doesn't like me in this world, not in the way she liked me before"
"Oh please, that girl drools over you, no matter what Universe we are in. All you need to do, it's to get her attention. Lucky for you, I know just the trick. So, get up, we're gonna do some shopping. You need to show more flesh"
"MOTHER!"
"Do not look so shocked, Lena. You need to remind her that you're still the most gorgeous CEO in town. I swear to God! I might kill someone if I see another article talking about the pounding closeness between Andrea Rojas and Supergirl"
"I'm already getting care of that…"
"How?"
"I bought Catco back… and I might have spent too much on it…?"
"How much?"
Her eyes got bigger when I mentioned the total amount of money I foolishly used to purchase the magazine. I was getting ready to get scolded and worse, but the only thing she said was…
"Well, it was about damn time you do something to mark your territory"
"Mother, you're not upset about the money I lost?"
"It's an investment, Lena. The best you could have done. We will spare no expense in getting back my little heirs. Now, let's get you a new wardrobe to seduce that Kryptonian. You'll be spending every day with her, so you've no excuse to not give me an heir before Xmas since you'll spend your entire day with her"
"Mother!"
"Do not look shy on me now, Lena. Everyone knew you two had a kinky, to do it in public places, I don't think that hasn't changed so use it in your favor. In a closet, in the office. Where my heirs are conceived, it's not relevant. Just do it!"
I never experienced the trauma of talking about S-E-X with parents till that day. I made a mental note to not repeat the trauma with the future generations. Like you. Anyway, Mother might have crossed a line, but she wasn't wrong about the new wardrobe. From the moment I put a foot outside the elevator of Catco, Kara's eyes never turned away from me.
"Kara, stop staring. It's embarrassing…"
"What?! I'm not… I'm doing nothing wrong, Nia! Everyone is looking at our new boss!"
"Yeah, but you're the only one who's literally drooling"
Kara rolled her eyes and tried to avoid continuing the conversation. It didn't help that she almost crashed against a glass wall just because her gaze never left me. It was so comical the way she was constantly colliding and dropping things. I couldn't stop my chuckles for the mess I was making of her. Kara was trying to look discreet but it was obvious she was eating me with her eyes. I've always looked exquisite, but I must admit that the first few days I was back at Catco, I went a little extra and it played off better than expected.
"You can play hard to get all you want, darling, but you're already mine"
On this Earth, Supergirl and I were partners and as far as the world was concerned we were a great team. For the first time in my life, my last name wasn't linked to hate or rejection. It was an opportunity I couldn't afford to miss and yet, I blew it once again the moment I got too greedy and cocky too soon.
"Can you please stop pretending you don't like me?! I've eyes, you know?! I see the way you look at me!"
Kara didn't deny the attraction, but neither made any further comment. I got cocky and pushed further when I shouldn't…
"Kara, just imagine all the good we can do together…"
"Funny, I feel like I gave you the same pitch at another time, in another life. And, do you know what your reply was?"
"Kara… I'm not the person you knew"
"And neither am I! I'm not the puppy reporter you knew and fell in love with! I'm not perky all the time! I'm not the ray of hope everyone is expecting me to be. I'm not that KARA!"
Silence, I was out of words while the girl in front of me was finally showing the cracks of her soul…
"Look, I'm really struggling with fitting into this new Earth and you, constantly putting your hopes and dreams on me, it's not helpful!"
"I… I'm sorry, I never meant to put such a big pressure on you, Kara. All I wanted is…"
"To get your family back. I know… but, maybe it's time to let it go. You heard Alex and what J'onn said, what happened in one Earth is quite impossible to happen in another Earth"
"No… no, you don't mean that, you…"
"I'm tired. Ms. Luthor. I'm tired of fulfilling everyone's expectations. I'm tired of protecting everyone except me and I'm done pretending to be the "perfect hero" who never complains! I've plenty of reasons to complain! And most of all… I'm tired of trying so hard to trust you when I don't…"
"Kara…"
"Ms. Luthor. I'm sorry. I just… I don't have it in me. Okay? So, please do not waste more of your time and money on me. There's no point. I don't trust you and I don't see the day I will"
She walked away and this time, I didn't go after her. I was frozen in time & space after hearing those words. Again, the perfect picture of my family was getting blurry, almost erased in my head. I was losing hope. I needed a friend to talk to and that was…
"Sam…"
"Lena? What are you doing here, in Metropolis?"
"Wow, wow, wow! Wait a minute! You're telling me that Kara is Supergirl? That the world was reset and on another Earth she was your wife and the mother of your children while I was also having a family on my own with her sister, Alex?!"
"Sam, please catch up! Yes, Kara is Supergirl. Yes! On another Earth she was my wife! Yes! You & Alex were an item…"
"Well, I always thought Alex was hot…"
"Sam, please, can we please focus on my issue, here?! I don't know what to do! The love of my life now…."
"Now, she doesn't even want to be your friend…"
"Yeah… no matter what I do. I always make it worse. I might have been too scared to admit it, but maybe she will be better off if we were never friends or…"
"Lena…"
"She thinks the worst of me. And, if she sees me as a villain, maybe I'm really one…"
"God! No! Lena! How can you even think that?!"
Kind and supportive, regardless of what Earth we could be, Sam was always the same. The great friend who heard me and gave me the resilience to believe in myself, in the hero in me that would be key to vanquish the new threat on town, Leviathan, and winning Kara's trust.
"You're not angry, Kara?"
"Why would I be angry?"
"I told such a big secret without asking your permission. It's your identity and I…"
"I know now that no matter what all you want is to do good. If you told Sam I was Supergirl. You had your reasons. I'm okay with it. I trust Sam and I'm starting to trust you, too"
"You do?"
She nodded and really meant it. After coming back from Metropolis, it was the most draining experience of our lives. Let me tell you something, dealing with Lex, Leviathan and so many things at the same time, it wasn't easy, but we got it! Leviathan was vanquished, the world was saved and Lex was on the run. Bright days were rising, but after all we went through together, some things needed to be said.
"My goal is by all means to protect you from harm. You need to know that Kara. And, I know I'm hurting you by always talking about the past and my other life. I recognize I was wrong. I cannot snap my fingers and expect to get back something that doesn't exist anymore. Life doesn't work that way… I will no longer talk about the past"
"Thank you. You're freeing me of a burden of guilt like you've no idea…" (sighs) "I'm really sorry I cannot give you what you want, but I'm pretty sure some day, you'll get the family you deserve with someone else"
Despite the good team we made the last couple of weeks. Kara wasn't ready to let me in her heart. Not more than a friend at least. And, I was okay with that. I really was but…
"You're not the Kara I met and fell in love with. But, you're the Kara I want to know, so, if you let me. I would love to hear about all those complaints you've…"
Kara chuckled and with the sound of her laugh, I saw how a door got open for me. From coffee dates to movie dates, we spun around each other till one Halloween party at Catco, Kara dragged me into a closet and well… that's how we ended here.
*** End of Lena's POV ***
Lena finally finishes her anecdote and smiles at the little attentive listener, who was giggling when someone from behind yells very loud…
"I didn't not do such a thing!"
Lena turns her head towards the hero who's just entering through the balcony. The blonde crosses her arms, looking upset from what she heard at the distance because according to her, that's not the real version of the events.
"Lena, you were the one that dragged me into the closet after you saw me talking with William. Don't you remember?"
Lena rolls her eyes, it still upset her the ridiculous crush William had on the blonde and how Kara was doing nothing to stop it. During that Halloween party, Lena had enough and once again, she had to do something to mark her territory, even if she will not admit it right now.
"Potato, patato… how the kissing started is not as important as what we got from it"
The dear Luthor says with a big smile, caressing the tender cheek of the baby girl she has in her arms.
"Lee, what have you been telling our baby?!"
"Nothing that's not true, darling…"
"Hmmm…"
Kara doesn't seem convinced, but she lets it go as she's distracted by the aroma of the lasagna Lena made for her. And while the dear hero is getting ready to devour that lasagna, Lena is ready to share another secret with her baby girl…
"Our world is not the same. People and circumstances are rarely the same twice. And yet, here you're, Clarke…"
The baby blonde giggles. The little heir didn't arrive on that Xmas as Lillian requested, but Lena is very optimistic that the twins might arrive for next Xmas. Because, yeah, she's getting her world back, defying the logic of the multiverse with it.
NOTE: Hi, hope you got that Lena was talking to baby Clarke from the beginning. Like if she was telling her how she & Kara got together. Hope you like it :)