Chapter thirty seven
A message
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"Time is like a handful of fine sand – the tighter you grip it, the faster it slips through your fingers."
Henry David Thoreau
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January drew to its end, the Snow Queen continued to rule over Hogwarts with her freezing claws, and the sixth-year students began their Apparition lessons.
Harry closed himself up once again, just as he had done during the summer holidays. Instead of paying even the slightest bit of attention to his surroundings, he literally buried himself under textbooks and parchments. Only after several attempts, Ron and Hermione managed to get out of him that he was no longer dating Angela Rosier.
With professor Shiernov, they kept discussing night monsters and creatures in detail, mostly vampires. Snape was trying to crush them under the flood of new potions and Binns continued to put them to sleep. More and more often, various articles about attacks on wizarding families, murders of Muggles, and the suspicious movement or activities of vampires, giants, and Dementors kept appearing in the Daily Prophet.
However, the wizarding world was still waiting for worse to happen…
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February came and with it a new wave of freezing days. Thanks to another snowstorm, the Quidditch match between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw had to be postponed.
Angela was walking around like a body without a soul, Draco kept avoiding Daria as much as he could and she was avoiding him, Ron and Hermione had fought twice and made up again and Harry continued studying hard.
Draco and Angela regularly disappeared from the castle for special training for their future ´careers´, and from time to time, they had to attend Death Eater gatherings. The promised new European followers had already arrived; otherwise, Angela did not have much to report to Dumbledore. However, she kept asking him about her father. The headmaster told her he had not come up with anything yet, but it was not entirely true. He had already come across a certain clue, but he did not want to give the girl any false hope.
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Cold and rainy March arrived. Two more Quidditch matches took place, the sixth-year students were getting better at apparating and Angela and Harry successfully ignored each other.
Angela liked to meet with Daria. Only in her presence, she could completely relax and tell her about everything that was bothering her. However, Daria needed it too. It could be said that she was choking on her own feelings for Draco. Angela felt sorry for her, but with a certain prophetic dream on mind, she could not make herself to push them a bit, so that they could solve it out and maybe even start dating...
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After many long cloudy days, April finally brought some sunshine and fresh air. The last remnants of snow had melted and the sun's rays were awakening the sleeping earth. The only major event was Gryffindor's final match with Hufflepuff. The Gryffindor team completely crushed Hufflepuff, placing them in first place with the same number of points as Slytherin. Madame Hooch decided that there would have to be one more match in May – Gryffindor vs. Slytherin to decide the final winner. Needless to say, neither House was thrilled about it.
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One afternoon in the last week of April, a small chance encounter took place, but it was enough to open the wounds still unhealed.
The Gryffindor sixth year students were leaving the greenhouses after their Herbology class. Harry went first, Ron and Hermione following closely behind him, holding hands. However, the Slytherin students were already heading to the greenhouse from the opposite direction for their next lesson. And by chance, of course, they were the sixth graders as well.
Harry walked around the tall bush beyond which the entrance gate could already be seen and unexpectedly found himself face to face with Malfoy. Next to him was none other than Angela, who walked limply with her head down.
Harry jerked to a halt, surprised by the sudden presence of Angela, whom he had been persistently avoiding for whole three months. Angela looked up to see who was standing in their way and her gaze cut Harry to the core. Malfoy's expression was unreadable.
Angela was looking at Harry with eyes that would have softened stone, but he immediately remembered the scene in the Room of Requirement he had witnessed and his gaze hardened.
Tearing his eyes from her face, he gritted his teeth and thrust himself straight between them. Angela looked back at him sadly.
Draco Malfoy cast a haughty look at Hermione and Ron's clasped hands and turned to his classmate. He grabbed her elbow tightly and made her look at him. They were staring at each other in a strange way that neither Ron nor Hermione could understand. Then Angela lowered her eyes and freed herself from Malfoy's grip. He did not go after her until the Gryffindor couple walked past him toward the gate.
/
Angela was consumed with guilt.
She was pacing the bedroom back and forth, absentmindedly tossing the ring Harry had given her in her hands. It seemed like yesterday when he was smiling at her with his green eyes and kissing her lovingly…
How could I do something like that to him? I´m such a dumbass…
Harry was trying to hide it, but she could see it – that pain she had inflicted in him was still there. She had intended to protect him, but in the process, she just stomped his feelings recklessly into the ground.
All this time she kept telling herself that time would heal everything. That if she avoided him, it would be easier for both of them and he would gradually forget about her. Nevertheless, that was so terribly naive of her.
She tilted her head back with a sigh and closed her eyes.
He will never forgive me, never…
She could have explained it to him after all. She could have told him the truth, just as Daria had suggested. That would definitely be better for Harry at least. He had trusted her, he loved her, and he would have never betrayed her even if she told him everything. It would hurt him, yes, but he would not have to deal with the hideous betrayal she had prepared for him.
But she had been too afraid and now it was too late... She was a damn coward.
Or… should I try again?
Angela opened her eyes; though saw nothing in front of her.
Would Harry be even willing to listen to her? It would not change anything in the relationship between them, they could not get back together, but it would definitely make him feel better. Maybe he would understand her actions a little... And maybe, she would stop feeling like the worst person at school.
She sat on the bed and stared at the ring with the glittering heart. It made her throat and stomach tighten. She knew that she would not be able to keep pretending for much longer.
Even her mother had already noticed there was something wrong with her and she kept asking annoying question. It was just a matter of time before she would burst out.
I must try at least. I won't let myself be talked out of it anymore. Harry has a right to know the truth.
Determined, she pulled out a piece of parchment from the bedside table and after thinking for a moment, she began to write a short message on it.
/
A few hours later, Hermione was sitting in the library. Harry had already disappeared long ago; Ron had given up reading anything more complicated than the newspapers less than half an hour ago and left her alone to study in peace as well. It was already quite late, so she was almost the only one there, but at least she managed to finish an essay for Snape about the truth potion – Veritaserum.
She was seated not far from the door, so out of the corner of her eye she registered a figure standing in it and raised her head from the described parchment. It was Rosier, looking around the library searchingly.
Hermione's eyebrows frowned in disapproval. She blamed this arrogant girl for Harry's misery. She could see very well how he was still silent and thoughtful. She did not have to be a genius to realize that the brown haired Slytherin had done something to him.
Ignoring her, Hermione preferred to bend over the essay again.
"Um, Hermione?" an uncertain voice spoke to her after a moment.
Hermione looked up unwillingly. Angela Rosier stood above her desk, clenching something in her hand.
"What do you want?" she barked not very kindly.
"I… I'd like to ask you for something," the apparently nervous girl blurted out. "Could you give this to Harry?" she asked quietly, opening her palm to reveal a small letter.
"Why don't you send him the owl?" Hermione protested.
"Because he would most likely burn it once he recognized my handwriting," Rosier replied bitterly. "But if you bring it to him, maybe..."
"And why would I do that?" she cut her off gruffly.
Rosier paused and just stared at Hermione pleadingly.
"Look, I don't know what you did to him, but I realized it wasn't anything nice. I really can't bear to see him suffer anymore," Hermione said slowly and with strong emphasis.
"And I just want to end his suffering," Rosier countered.
"Why should I believe you?" argued Hermione.
Angela answered only after a moment of suffocating silence: "Do you know what it's like to suffer for ill-fated love?"
Hermione was stunned. She remembered all too well, what she had to go through before Ron was able to express himself and finally admitted he liked her more than just a friend. Before that faithful moment, she had spent so many nights during which she struggled not to cry in vain…
She nodded slowly.
"So, at least you kind of understand how I feel. Will you give it to him? Please…"
Hermione sighed and looked into her tired and sad eyes. It seemed to her that this girl meant it. After a moment of hesitation, she held out her hand for the letter. Angela was visibly relieved.
"Thank you," she whispered and quickly left.
/
In half an hour, Hermione walked through the quiet corridors to Gryffindor common room. With her right hand, she was clutching the completed assignments, and in her left, a letter from Angela Rosier was burning her. She had been debating whether to hand it over to Harry the whole time.
What if it would only hurt him again?
She made up her mind only when she saw him sitting alone by the fireplace, staring absently into the flames. Strangely enough, there was no one else in the room besides him.
It's worth a shot, she thought, and made her way over to her friend.
She sat down in the next armchair, but Harry did not move.
"Harry?" she addressed him softly.
Deep green eyes that reflected the light of the flames turned to her disinterestedly. Hermione took a deep breath.
"This message," she placed the letter on the armrest of his chair, "is for you."
Harry stared at it for a moment before quietly asking: "From whom?"
"From Angela Rosier," Hermione answered slowly.
Harry froze and Hermione rather got up quickly, not wanting to influence his decision regarding what to do about it. "I'm going to bed now. Good night," she said in an uncertain voice and slowly disappeared.
Harry did not move after she left.
For good five minutes, there was nothing but the crackling of burning logs in the Gryffindor common room. Finally, Harry smirked in a sour way, reached for the letter, stood up and walked over to the fireplace. For a moment, his hand floated above the hot flames. He wanted to destroy it, but from some reason, he just could not bring himself to do it.
Sighing, he sat down on the floor, leaned against the wall, and opened it. In the light of the flames, he began to read…
Harry,
I don't know if you will read this message or not, but I had to at least try.
I hurt you and I regret it every day. I lied to you about some things, but never about what I felt for you. I cannot change what happened, but you deserve an explanation. You probably don't want to hear anything from me, but if I didn't offer you this, I would blame myself for the rest of my life. I realized it just today, when we unexpectedly met in front of the castle. How damn stupid I was…
Although I suggest this so late, if you care for the truth, at the cost of certain danger to both you and me, please come to the Room tonight at eleven o´clock. I will be waiting.
A.
Harry looked up from the parchment, staring straight ahead for a moment before glancing at the clock. It was a few minutes after ten. Then he crumpled the letter into a ball and threw it into the fire. He watched thoughtfully as the flames greedily consumed it…
/
Angela nervously paced from the window to the door and back again. After a long time, she had a horrible craving for a cigarette. She still had to keep convincing herself that Harry deserved an explanation and resisted the temptation to just give up and go to sleep.
She glanced at the merciless watch. It was half past eleven.
I'll wait a bit longer. He will definitely come. He must at least be curious about what I want to tell him, right? she consoled herself, even if she didn't really believe it.
She stood by the window and looked up at the glowing full moon. In thought, she missed the sound of the door opening and quiet footsteps. She sensed someone´s presence only when he was right behind her.
She turned around with a pounding heart. Those curious green eyes looked at her, but they were full of coldness and contempt. She swallowed hard. Where did all that love and trust which were there before disappear?
"Harry…" a single word escaped her stiff lips.
She suddenly did not know what to say. All pre-prepared sentences evaporated from her head.
"You wanted to explain something to me. Now is your chance, so don't waste it," Harry said coldly.
Angela took a shaky breath. She had to lower her eyes to the floor in order to be able to speak at all.
"Sit down, please," she motioned to one of the two armchairs facing each other.
"I´ll remain standing," Harry uttered harshly.
Angela sat down with a sigh: "As you wish, but it´s going to take a while..."
Harry frowned at her, but then finally settled in the other seat. Although he did not show anything on the outside, his heart was pounding and he felt unbearably hot. Everything about Angela reminded him of what they had been through together, and what she had done to him. He did not even know what to think of the ring that still glittered on her middle finger.
"All right, so… Does my last name remind you of something?" Angela finally began hesitantly, still looking down.
"Can't you get straight to the point? Don't think I'm going to spend the whole night here!" Harry sputtered contemptuously, covering his anxiety.
Angela looked up at him with a serious expression: "It is closely related to what I want to tell you. So, can you think of anything?"
Harry pondered, though not exactly willingly.
Rosier, Rosier… Have I heard that before?
He rummaged through his memories for quite some time and was about to give up when he accidentally remembered a scene from the Headmaster's Pensieve. The Wizarding Council, the trial of the captured Death Eaters, Karkaroff hastily spitting out the names of his colleagues, and one of those names was…
"Evan Rosier…" Harry breathed out in surprise.
"I see," Angela nodded her head. "Yes, he was my mother's only cousin and a loyal Death Eater. He would rather die fighting the Aurors than be taken to Azkaban. Now, how does this relate to me? I think that with some effort, you will get the hang of it.''
Harry shook his head in disbelief: "He was a Death Eater indeed, but…"
"My mother was one as well," Angela completed quietly.
He did not respond to that.
His ex-girlfriend took another deep breath: "I didn't tell you this before because I…" she stopped hesitantly.
"You thought I'd only see you as the daughter of Voldemort´s servant?" Harry said calmly instead.
She nodded slowly.
"Then you obviously don't know me at all," he pointed out.
Angela looked away and continued: "However, this is only the beginning. Do you remember how I told you that my mother was dead to me? Unfortunately, she has been too lively lately…"
Harry watched her intently: "What do you mean by that?"
"I know that there were and still are many things around me that you don't understand and that I didn't want to explain to you. I'm going to give you answers to those questions that must have crossed your mind a few times. But first, you have to listen to the story about my mother, because that is the one that affects my current life the most," Angela said for the introduction, realizing that she would be telling a similar story for the fourth time already.
Draco, Dumbledore, Daria and now Harry... However, the only one she told absolutely everything to was Daria and she was determined not to change that even at the cost of Harry not believing her.
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A/N:
Retrospectively, I´m sorry for rushing the things up so much in this chapter. But the truth is that I did not have much more planned for the first part of this story and it was just my way to handle it. So, please, bear with me. Nothing like this will happen again, promise. :-)
Three more chapters to go and then we will move on to the second "book" of this pentalogy.