Chapter 10

Christmas was finally here. Lily was surprisingly happy to see snow, having come from England she had never had a white Christmas before. Alice had persuaded her to come over on Christmas Eve and stay the night, the tiny girl had also been a huge help in the present department.

Alice had decorated the Cullen household turning it into a winter wonderland. Lily was in awe of the beautiful display, and the actual tree the family had gotten. They seemed to have gone all out for the holiday. Lily had been informed by Jasper they hadn't celebrated this particular holiday in about twenty years, but with Lily now being around most of the family were overly excited to be celebrating it again.

Most notably the excitement came from Alice, Emmett and Esme. Esme just seemed happy to have another excuse to use the kitchen, having a love for cooking despite not being able to consume it herself. So having Lily around gave her a little more purpose, though when the human learnt the woman's tragic backstory of the loss of her child and the attempted suicide she understood a little bit more to the woman's behaviour.

All she wanted more than anything was to be a mother, and whilst she classed Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett as her children they didn't need her in the way a human did. The way Lily did. She loved doting on the girl, feeding her, making sure she was well and simply being a mother. Esme had taken the role of mother so resolutely she had started admonishing the girl for small things. Like when she didn't eat enough, when she walked home from work at night instead of getting a ride.

Despite the annoyance she had previously felt from Jasper and Carlisle when they did round about the same thing, Lily found she didn't mind it coming from Esme. In fact, she loved it. Maybe it was simply the whole motherly aspect that oozed from every word coming from the beautiful woman, the caring touch only a mother can bestow.

Lily had been nervous upon arriving at the house. Her feelings for Jasper had not diminished, in fact they seemed to have strengthened. Holding the knowledge both himself and Edward would pick up on it immediately was daunting. In fact the whole family were sure to notice, what with being able to hear her heart beating. They would notice the shift the minute she was around Jasper, and wasn't that just humiliating.

The girl had steadfastly ignored Jasper, but she knew he had sensed her emotions the minute she walked in the house. How could he not have? All she could think was he was probably feeling her attraction to him mingled with extreme anxiety and nervousness. This was going to be a terrible two days, she thought miserably.

Lily caught Edward's eye who gave her a sympathetic smile as he greeted her. Just because he feels it doesn't mean he knows it's towards him does it? Edward shook his head slightly in answer to her question and she felt a brief flicker of relief. Though the idea of Jasper believing she was attracted to one of his family members didn't sit right with her however. Edward smiled at the conflict going on with the human. She really was a nice girl.

Alice eventually dragged her further inside, giving her bag to Jasper who deposited it in his room. She didn't feel good about stealing his room but he promised her it was fine, revealing a small detail about vampires he had left out previously. They didn't sleep. Well, that was convenient, she thought almost enviously.

After Alice had forced her to change into her new outfit (a pretty blue dress) they all converged into the sitting room where music was played and everyone eventually started dancing. Watching the family interact, Lily felt it was hard to believe they were dangerous at all. To an outsider they just looked like a normal loving family. Which was exactly what they were, she reminded herself. Sure, they were dangerous but in the end with the right intent anything could be. Even the smallest and useless of things could be considered dangerous.

A pencil could be considered dangerous if wielded in the wrong way, but use it the right way and it was just a writing utensil. The Cullen's were vampires who had the ability to seriously hurt and end lives, but acting in the right way they were just a normal family who loved each other very much.

The happiness and sheer joy was so vibrant in the home that night Lily found she didn't have time to dwell on her feelings for Jasper. She was distracted at every turn, something she was grateful for. Then by the end of the night she had been accosted by Rosalie who simply handed her a thick coat and asked Lily to take a walk with her.

The snow crunching under their feet was all Lily could hear as they walked, well that and her heavy breathing that was visible within the cold air. Rosalie was perfectly at ease with the bitterness of the night, another thing Lily was jealous of. The convenience of the some of the perks of being a vampire. Though Rosalie seemed to have taken her involvement in the family in a completely different manner than Lily had thought, and decided it was her job to warn the human of the downside of being one of her kind.

Stopping by a river at the edge of the property, Rosalie sat down on a large boulder, indicating for Lily to sit beside her. Once she was down, she waited for the blonde to speak.

"I never wanted to be a vampire." the elder started, eyes already seeming like they were in a different place than where she was currently. "This life doesn't suit me. Jasper he, he never told me about your past so don't think he betrayed your trust. He just, he was rather annoyed about the way I spoke about you all the time." Here she laughed, but it seemed slightly bitter. "He told me we had a lot more in common than I believed."

Rosalie turned to face the girl beside her, topaz meeting sapphire. Lily didn't need to ask what it was they had in common, it was all over the blondes face. "Granted for me it wasn't my father, but it was someone I trusted. Someone I loved and was supposed to love me."

"Who was it?" she asked nervously, not even sure she was allowed.

"My fiancé." Rosalie replied with a sneer. "Along with his friends before leaving me in a gutter to die. Carlisle found me, and turned me into this. Not that I'm not grateful to him, I am but... sometimes I wish he had left me to die. There are things I wanted more than anything, that I still want that I can't have in this life."

"What it is that you want?" Lily's voice sounded faint to even her own ears. She more than anyone understood the pain of being used by someone that was meant to love and care about you.

"A child." Rosalie's voice took on a wistful tone as her eyes seemed to fog over, almost like she had turned into Alice and was seeing a vision that would never come to fruition.

"You can't have children?"

"No, my body is frozen in that sense. Never changing so I could never carry a child." If the vampire could cry, Lily knew she would be. "I have Emmett, a part of my happy ending, but we'll never grow old together, never get to watch our children grow and get married themselves and to be sat on a porch waiting for them and our grandchildren to visit."

As Rosalie was daydreaming about what could never be, Lily sat and thought. Thought about why the woman was telling her this, not that she didn't appreciate and respect the fact Rosalie has trusted her to tell her about her past. As though sensing her confusion Rosalie did something Lily had never witnessed her do - she smiled. Alice was right, she thought. Rosalie was a lovely person under that cold exterior, and Lily could see clearly now why she had such high defences.

"I just want you to be aware of all the facts. If you decide to go down this road with Jasper, you can't have any of that." Rosalie told her, causing Lily to blanch. Yes, she had a crush on the vampire but she hadn't really being thinking about anything of that nature. "It's not a good life. Yes, it has its perks I'm not going to lie but it isn't a life anyone of us would choose if we were given the choice."

"Right now Rosalie, I have no plans to want to become like you." Lily told her honestly. She wasn't going to promise that she would always feel like this, because she couldn't predict the future, but as of right now she had no desire to turn into a vampire.

"That's good to know." Rosalie replied softly. She prayed the human kept that promise and way of thinking. She knew it was only a matter of time before Jasper sunk his claws in and claimed the girl for his own (Alice had seen it) but she prayed the girl would be sensible and allow herself to enjoy Jasper's company for just a short while before ending it. She hoped Jasper had enough common sense and love for this girl that when the time came, he would let her go and let her live her life they she was meant to.

Lily didn't get much sleep that night, thinking of all she had spoken with Rosalie about. Poor Edward, she thought, hopefully he couldn't hear her internal conflict from Jasper's room. She felt he most likely could however, which meant Jasper could possibly feel her whirlwind of emotions too. Thankfully neither had approached the room and just left her to her own devices.

When she awoke she felt rather refreshed, only because nobody in the Cullen family had woken her and decided to let her sleep as much as she wanted. Thinking of it, she didn't see not being able to sleep as a perk. Sure at times it must be, but Lily liked having the small reprieve from the hardships of life that sleep brought her.

Still in her pyjamas, Lily set off for downstairs where most of the family seemed to be. Esme was baking in the well equipped kitchen, Emmet and Jasper were watching TV. Rosalie was apparently in the garage working on a car (something Lily respected, she liked the idea of Rosalie breaking the stigma that girls that looked like her were dumb and only interested in makeup and fashion). Alice was doing something with the presents under the tree and Carlisle had retreated to his office to catch up on some work apparently. Edward was off to the side playing the piano.

Lily watched the youngest member of the family for a while as he played. She had always loved the piano, but definitely had no talent in the art of the thing. She couldn't even play the simplest of tunes. "I could help you sometime, if you like?" he asked her, glancing at her almost shyly. Probably because she hadn't said anything out loud and knew how she felt about his ability.

"Maybe. If I have the motivation to not quit at the first hurdle." she answered.

"I can wait." he said before going back to his activity. Lily moved and sat down beside Jasper on the large settee, trying to ignore the way her heart reacted as he turned to smile at her. Great, now the whole family heard she internally grumbled and pretended to ignore Edward who had quietly chuckled behind her.

"Time for presents everyone!" Alice called out, and withing a few seconds the whole family had gathered. Another boon, the hearing. Alice had decided to be the host and hand out everyone's presents. Lily was surprised to find an individual gift from Rosalie (a necklace) as before Lily had assumed the vampire didn't like her, but Lily now understood. It wasn't that she hadn't liked her, she just jealous. Lily had something Rosalie could never have, something she wanted more than anything, and she was scared Lily was going to throw it away like it meant nothing. So the jealousy had turned to anger.

Lily could only thank whatever higher being in the world there was that Rosalie had accepted her. If it was the their similar past that binded them then so be it, nothing was perfect. Edward had also proven to be useful when it came to his gift, presenting her with a book she had thought about but had never verbalised. She had lost her love of books a while ago, but knew (or hoped) when it came back this would be the first one she read.

Esme had baked a little too much in Lily's opinion, as there was only her there to eat it, but didn't say anything as it was clear the woman had just gotten over excited to be able to cook something on Christmas and have someone eat it. For someone who couldn't eat food, the woman was a phenomenal cook.

By nightfall, everyone but Jasper had vacated the house. They claimed they needed to hunt but Lily didn't fully believe them. She only didn't say anything because well, she didn't have the courage and their eyes had turned black so they were partly telling the truth. Jasper had apparently left to hunt whilst she was asleep the night before.

They were sat on the back steps, Lily with a fluffy blanket, courtesy of Alice, wrapped around her. Jasper was fine, she huffed. "So, are you going to stop avoiding me now?" Jasper asked her, but his tone with light so Lily knew he wasn't upset with her.

"What's the point. If you don't know why I was then you're just... well, stupid if I can call your that." Lily told her. Jasper huffed a laugh whilst nodding his head, letting her know he was aware of her reason of avoidance. Lily felt herself blush. "Why didn't you wait to go hunting with your family?"

"Well, I didn't want you to be left alone for starters." He shifted as he looked out at the expanse of grass ahead of him. "And secondly, it's harder to be around you when I'm with my family. I can feel their bloodlust too. Thankfully you don't smell too appetising, and I mean no offence. You smell nice, but well, with with the state your body is in I believe it's had an effect on your scent."

What he meant was, your body has no goodness left in it as it's all be starved out. "Maybe that's a good thing then, means none of you want to eat me." she joked.

"Don't use it as an excuse to not eat please." Jasper said kindly. "If you bleed there is still a possibility of it effecting us no matter your scent. Except Carlisle, that man has control like I've never seen before."

"He'd have to be to be a doctor." Lily responded, snuggling further into the blanket. It had snowed more during the day, casting a blanket of white on the garden. Leaning into Jasper's side subconsciously, Lily wondered how long the others would take before returning. Sighing, she raised her eyes to see Jasper looking down at her and berated her traitorous heart for deciding to come alive now. She had been doing so well during this conversation too.

Jasper smiled slightly, not moving for a few seconds as he seemed to be contemplating something before coming to a decision. Slowly leaning down Lily felt her body tense as she waited for the contact of his mouth upon hers. It didn't take long, and she was surprised at how hard her heart was racing. It was like it was trying to free it's self from her chest.

Lily breathed deeply as she moved closer to the blonde as they slowly kissed for the first time. Her hand came to rest upon his chest, and the moment it did his much larger hand grabbed hers and he pulled away. His brow was furrowed, seemingly attempting to control himself.

"I thought I didn't smell that good." Lily piped up in an attempt to lighten the mood. Jasper's lips quirked.

"You do taste good though." he responded causing her to blush and him to laugh. "Come on, let's get you inside I don't want you to get sick."

The others arrived back maybe thirty minutes after the duo have moved back indoors. Alice was grinning the entire time and wouldn't lose the enthusiasm no matter what Lily said or did. Having seen the vision of them kissing the moment her brother had decided to do so, she had made it her mission to get them together. Well, that had been her plan from the start but now she was so much closer to her goal.

By the time New Year's came around Alice had instructed Jasper on how to 'nab his woman' apparently. The blond claimed he didn't need the pixies help but she was too involved now and wouldn't let to until she got what she wanted. And what she wanted was Jasper and Lily to be a couple before the start of the new year. She had seen that they would apparently, and as Edward had told Lily a few days prior to the day, he never bet against Alice. He always lost.

Well, Lily learnt that first hand that a lot of Alice's visions do come to pass when she found herself wrapped up with Jasper as the clock struck midnight and the new year fell upon them.