I decided to add "Autistic Edward Elric" to the tags because I realized that I wrote an autistic meltdown.

I took some creative liberty on the side effects of the rabies vaccine because I couldn't find any information on the first serum-based vaccine, which is the inspiration for this story. The side effects featured are side effects of the modern vaccine.

I am sleepy.

Edward wasn't sure what woke him.

"Stop scratching, Brother."

"Hmm?"

Ed looked up, vision and brain muzzy with sleep. Alphonse was beside him, holding his automail arm. He realized that he had been woken by the pressure on his shoulder from trying to move his arm while Alphonse kept him from doing so. Ed wasn't sure what Al meant until he was struck by unbearable itchiness on his left arm. Unable to scratch with his metal fingers, he tried rubbing the bandages against the couch. Al grabbed his left hand to stop him.

"Stop scratching. You'll rip your stitches."

"N't scr'tchin'. R'bbin'."

"No rhythmic motions of your left arm against any surface," Mustang said from somewhere above him. Edward sat up so quickly at the sound of the man's voice that he nearly cracked his skull on his brother's pointy elbow.

"What the - oh, yeah."

He was soaked through.

His pants were sticking to his legs like unshed skin. His shirt was stealing warmth from his body. The only reason why he wasn't shivering was the blanket that had been thrown over him at some point in the night. Someone had taken his socks off.

"I got you some fresh clothes from the dorms while you were sleeping. If you want to take a shower, you'll have to put a bag or something over your arm so you don't get your bandages wet."

"Mmm. Where's 'Yate?"

"The lieutenant went home around midnight. You're lucky you decided to have your little escapade on a Friday. If you had done that during the week, you might just have been shot through the foot by a sleep-deprived First Lieutenant."

"Food."

Roy sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Yes. We should get some breakfast. We have somewhere to be, so we'll get food on the way. Go ahead and freshen up. And stop scratching."

"Wasn't," Ed grumbled as he pulled his metal hand away from "massaging" his arm.

XXX

A bath was easier because he didn't have to worry about getting his stitches wet as long as he kept his arm out of the tub.

He also might have fallen asleep and woke up to cold water, pruny toes, and a little brother who was sure he had drowned.

"Go away, Al!"

"You weren't answering! What else was I suppose to think?"

"Go away!"

"Don't you dare go back to sleep! And don't scratch!"

"I'm not! Get out! Yeesh!"

"Have a nice nap, Fullmetal?" Roy asked him as he came out of the bathroom, his hair dripping but undoubtedly washed.

"Screw you."

"No, thank you. I prefer women. Adult women."

Edward made such a weird face at the comment that Roy couldn't keep himself from laughing.

"You don't know what that word means, do you?"

Edward wrinkled his nose.

"'Course I do! It means… you know, what you do with a screwdriver."

Roy raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to elaborate. When he didn't, Roy laughed again and walked away.

"Probably for the best."

"What does that mean? Hey, wait! Where are you going?"

XXX

They were going back to the infirmary.

"It's Saturday."

"And as you so generously have shown, recklessness knows no weekend."

Edward shrugged even though Roy couldn't see him, as he was walking behind the colonel.

"Eh, that's fair."

Mustang laughed for the third time. Edward bristled.

"What's so funny today?"

"He's laughing at you, Brother. I can't blame him, you're hilarious."

Ed started to turn his bristle on his brother, stopped, then shrugged again.

"Eh, that's fair. Hey, Mustang, when are we eating? I'm starving!"

"I said that we're getting food on the way."

Edward waved his hands in the air in a gesture of "yes, here we are." He was lucky that Roy didn't see his finishing wince as the movement tugged on his stitches.

"Yeah. And here we are, on the way."

"On the way back, I meant."

Ed snorted. "What's the difference?"

Alphonse echoed his brother with a creak of his helmet.

"I agree with Brother. Why not now?"

Roy stopped walking for a moment, as if he had been struck by a thought, then continued.

"Just in case."

"In case of what?" Edward's next gesture was halted by Alphonse's leather gauntlet on his shoulder.

"Brother, I think it's in case the medicine they give you makes your stomach upset. Remember when you had anesthesia for the first time?"

Edward's face turned pink.

"How do you know about that?"

"Who do you think had to clean up the mess? Winry and Granny were exhausted from your surgery."

Edward's embarrassment turned to anger.

"What - you weren't supposed to be in the room!"

"The surgery was over. You were resting."

Edward's gaze turned to the pavement.

"You… you weren't supposed to see that."

"See what? You sleeping? I see you sleeping all the time."

"Alphonse."

Both brothers stopped so suddenly that Al's plating squealed and Ed stumbled. They had been so absorbed in their exchange that they had very nearly forgotten that the colonel was there. Roy had stopped again, this time turning to face them.

"Alphonse, maybe… why don't you find somewhere for us to eat. You can call the infirmary in maybe… an hour and we'll meet you there."

Both brothers stiffened, Al's shoulders squaring and Ed's eyes darkening. It was Alphonse who broke the awkward silence.

"Why?"

Roy silently cursed himself for underestimating their intelligence. Now he had to insult their intelligence by coming up with a semi-believable excuse.

"Because… just so we don't have to wait. You know how your brother is when he has to wait for food."

Alphonse did not believe him. Edward was becoming suspicious. His forehead was pinched around the top of his nose. It was the look he made when he had a question that he was reluctant to ask because doing so would give away that there was, God forbid, something he didn't know.

"Wouldn't it look strange if I just hung around and didn't order anything?"

Roy silently cursed again.

"Well… not necessarily. You could always just say you're waiting for someone."

"And in the meantime? What if they offer me a drink or something? What should I do then?"

"Then you should just… ah. Right."

Fury flared in Edward's eyes and he took a step forward. His second step was stalled by Alphonse's intervening arm.

"If it's all the same to you, Colonel, I think I'd rather stay."

There was a bite to Al's words that sent a shiver down Roy's spine.

"Yes… of course."

He wished he had coffee for his suddenly dry mouth.

XXX

Alphonse tried not to let the colonel's slip get to him, but the fact that he had slipped reinforced Al's belief that Mustang was hiding something. There was something the colonel did not want them, particularly Al, to know. Alphonse decided to find the lieutenant as soon as he could. He knew that Hawkeye would never keep a secret from him unless it was necessary.

He ended up finding the lieutenant for a different reason.

"What did you do?!"

Mustang wouldn't look him in the eye - or at least, where his eyes should have been. The colonel held the bag of ice to his brushed arm. He had taken off his coat and rolled up his shirt sleeve, showing the obvious tooth marks pressed into his skin. The nurse tending to him was also having a hard time looking away from the floor.

"Your brother panicked. I caught him. He bit me. Then he ran off."

Alphonse resisted the urge to stomp his foot.

"I know that! I saw him leave! What did you do?"

XXX

The nurse started the appointment by changing the bandage on his arm.

"No infection," she commented, noticing the lack of swelling beyond the lines of the wound. "That's good. Let's keep it that way. I'm going to need you to take off your shirt."

Edward cocked his head at her.

"I only got bit on my arm."

"I know. The medicine goes into your stomach and I can't get it there with your shirt on."

Edward glanced at Mustang, who was standing watch behind the stool he was sitting on, to see if he was also hearing this. Roy met his eyes, his expression unreadable. Finding no help there, Ed turned back to the nurse.

"You know… I can just drink the medicine… or maybe swallow it to get it to my stomach." He said the words slowly, like Amestrian wasn't the woman's first language. To his audacity, the woman glanced at the colonel, her gaze moving above him. To make things worse, she seemed to glean something he could not, because her face curved into something between concern and pity.

"Ah, I see… How about you let me worry about how it gets where it needs to be. You just take off your shirt and lie down on this bed." She indicated the empty cot beside them with her eyes.

A sick, heavy feeling curdled in Ed's belly has he realized what she meant.

He pushed the feeling away as best he could, squaring his shoulders and pinching his face into a scowl of defiance. It would only be for a moment and it would only hurt for a second. He'd had much, much worse.

Pain is just a feeling. Pain is just a feeling.

The silent mantra was interrupted by the colonel putting his hands on Ed's shoulders. Edward thought the man might be trying to hurry him up, but when his hands squeezed, Ed shrugged him off. He did not need anyone's pity, much less Mustang's.

Then he shrugged off his shirt and pulled it over his head. The cold air of the room gave him goosebumps.

He took another calming breath and pulled off his shoes so he could lie down on the bed. He tried to distract himself by studying the cracks in the ceiling and ignored the way the nurse had started humming. He told himself she was humming to herself and not as a means to settle him.

Edward couldn't help the flinch when the cold cotton wetted the skin above his belly button. To his horror, the colonel came to the side of the bed and took hold of his metal arm. This was stupid because Ed couldn't feel anything with his right hand and because Edward had already made it clear how he felt about Mustang's attempts at comfort.

"This is going to sting a little, so I'm sorry in advance," the nurse said from somewhere overhead.

No shit, Ed started to say but stopped himself when he saw the colonel's warning glare.

The glare disappeared a second later when Edward's eyes bulged out of his head and he tried to sit up.

Mustang, knowing this would happen and knowing that Fullmetal didn't mean to, immediately pressed Edward back down with hands on his ribs. The sitting up turned into scratching, which proved equally ineffective because only one hand had nails and the one that did was blocked from doing any damage by the thick fabric of Roy's uniform. Roy grunted when he felt Ed's legs kicked out, trying to push the nurse and Roy away with his feet. It was a testament to the length of the needle when the syringe stayed in place when the nurse let go of it to catch Ed's legs. The automail one, heavier and stronger than the flesh one, nearly careened the back of her own hand into his nose. Roy was quick to help her push Edward's legs against the mattress so she could finish pressing the plunger on the syringe and remove it before Ed could sit up and pull it out himself.

Edward sat up so quickly he almost toppled off the bed and onto the floor. Out of instinct, he looked down at the quickly swelling welt on his stomach, blood beading where the needle had been.

"All done," the nurse said helpfully, as if Edward had lain completely cooperative throughout the procedure. "Ice will help with the swelling. You might get a bit of a headache or a fever. It's nothing to worry about. Just sleep it off if you can."

Edward stared at her like she had just given him directions on how to butcher his own leg.

"Well, Fullmetal," Roy said, wincing as he pulled off his now spit-soaked coat and rolling up the sleeve of the shirt beneath to study the bruise forming on his arm, "you seem awfully hungry so how about we get that breakfast before you take a bite out of the good nurse, hmm?"

"I'll get you some ice for that," the nurse said, moving off to another part of the infirmary.

"Fullmetal?" Roy asked when Edward didn't answer. He looked away from his arm to see Ed staring at him - specifically, at his arm. Roy pulled his arm behind him and out of Ed's sight. "You're not in trouble, kiddo. I've had worse."

Then Roy noticed that Ed was shaking.

The nurse returned then, handing a rubber bag of ice for Roy to press to his arm. She took one look at Edward and tried to help the boy lie back down.

"You're in shock," she said unhelpfully as she tried to encourage Edward to lay flat. "Just lie back and take some deep breaths."

Edward shoved her away with a violence that made Roy afraid for the nurse's safety.

"Fullmetal! That was uncalled for. You will apologize -"

Edward shoved himself off the bed and stumbled away, wincing and bending as the pain from the sore spread throughout his belly. Ed's eyes were glazed and unseeing. Mustang decided to save the lecture for later and tried to catch him before he ran headlong into a wall or the floor. Edward dodged the reaching hands of the nurse and the colonel like a feral cat escaping a control pole and made a break for the door, almost knocking his face into the threshold.

Roy had enough experience with panic attacks that he knew chasing Fullmetal would be the worst thing to do.

XXX

In the back of his mind, the part of himself that knew that he was acting ridiculous, that he needed to get ahold of himself, Edward knew that he was being stupid.

The colonel was fine.

He hadn't broken the skin. Mustang had said he wasn't in trouble. He hadn't meant to, it was an accident -

But Mustang had promised that he wouldn't bite anyone, that he wouldn't lose control himself.

Instead, there were bruises in the shape of Edward's teeth on Mustang's arm proving that the colonel was a liar.

"Brother? Where's your shirt?"

Edward had completely forgotten that Alphonse was waiting outside the infirmary.

A new, different kind of panic rose up inside him. Even though he knew it was even more incriminating, Edward couldn't stop himself from backing away from his brother. Al couldn't see him like this. If he did, he would worry, and it was Ed's job to worry about Al, not the other way around and Ed had already taken so much from Al, he couldn't take what little happiness his baby brother still had -

Just stand up straight. Play it off. It's not a big deal.

Get yourself together!

Edward turned and ran.

"Brother?! Brother, wait! What did they do?!"

XXX

Riza had been waiting for something to go wrong.

She was the opposite of surprised when Alphonse called her, his echoey voice frantic, explaining that the colonel and the nurse had tortured his brother who had since escaped and disappeared in a state of rightful terror.

Black Hayate knew that he had a job to do. He could smell it on his mistress, the intent and the expectation, as she leashed him and led the way out of their apartment.

Neither bothered with a greeting when they met Alphonse and a shaken-looking Roy outside the infirmary. The crumpled quality of the empty fingers of Al's gauntlets explained why the man looked as if he had been throttled.

"Which way?" Riza asked, kneeling to unclip Hayate's leash from his collar.

Alphonse pointed down the adjoining hall with a crooked finger.

"I was worried that if I chased him he would try running faster and hurt himself - hurt himself more, I mean," he said, with a noticeable edge to his voice, an edge that made Roy take a step away from him.

Riza saw the ice pack on Roy's arm and asked him with her eyes. He shook his head. Alphonse had done nothing but grab him by the collar and demand to know what the colonel had been thinking.

"Did he leave anything behind?"

XXX

Hayate knew what it meant when his mistress presented something to him, especially when that something was heavy with smells.

He sniffed at the shirt, recognizing the smells of oil and metal and "look at me, I'm young and full of life so give me food and let me break something." It wasn't hard to find the same smells in the air and he gave a confirming bark before trotting down the hall, following the scent trail passed closed doors and a few confused soldiers who had come in on the weekend to get some extra work done.

To everyone's surprise except Hayate's, the trail led to Mustang's suite of rooms, and the door to Mustang's office proper inside. The lights were off, blanketing the room in darkness besides from some sparse sunlight coming through the draped windows.

The boy started when Hayate rounded the edge of the desk and poked his head into the space beneath, his nose twitching as he took in the smells of fear and pain and anger and -

Those were a lot of feelings.

Hayate knew what to do.

He did what he did every time his mistress came home with a lot of feelings - he pushed his way into the space, pressing himself against Edward and sniffing at him for hurts. Hayate licked at Ed's face, tasting the salt of a cold sweat and wiped tears. Ed made no move to stop him but wrinkled his nose at the inevitable bath of dog breath. Edward laughed wetly as Hayate's tongue tickled him, then hissed as the movement aggravated the swollen lump on his stomach. Hayate sniffed for the injury until he found the the sore above Ed's navel and lapped at the knot of swelling. Ed hissed again, then relaxed as the soothing brushing took some of the throbbing away and used the nails of his left arm to scratch the dog behind the ears.

Hayate "whuffed" appreciatively and thumped his tail against the underside of the desk.

XXX

"Hey, Brother. Can you come out?"

Edward wrapped his hand around Hayate's scruff, afraid of Alphonse seeing him and afraid of the dog abandoning him. Hayate didn't react to the sudden rough treatment beyond a calming lick to Ed's chest.

Edward heard the creaking of his brother's armor as he shifted in the awkward silence.

"What about the lieutenant? Can she talk to you?"

Edward did not want anyone to talk to him.

Someone said something and Alphonse responded, his voice sounding inordinately angry. the other person said something, quietly and meekly, and whatever they said must have meant something because Ed heard Al back off, his heavy footfalls shaking the floor.

Then quieter, lighter footsteps replaced them, ending in the sound of someone situating themselves on the floor on the other side of the wood.

The person didn't say anything for a while. When they finally did speak, Ed clutched Hayate so tightly the dog squeaked.

"I'm sorry, Fullmetal."

Edward did not want the colonel to be sorry.

"I thought… I thought if I didn't tell you how bad it was going to be, it would be easier. I didn't want you to lose sleep and then be cranky and sick and… I know you've had a… bad experience with medical procedures."

Roy waited with bated breath for a response. When it didn't come, he let his breath go in a defeated sigh, then took another breath in preparation for the death of his dignity.

Or rather, what dignity he had left after the scathing lecture he'd received from a twelve-year-old.

"When I was… when the rabies treatment was new, they made it a requirement for everyone to get it. Just in case. They told us it was going to be 'uncomfortable,'" Roy smile wryly at the memory. "As you can attest, their description was a bit… lacking, in terms of the truth. I have seen men and women hold in their screams of pain after combat, bite their lips after being shot, and… and just stand there and burn silently. But there wasn't a single soldier who wasn't at least knocked down by that stick. It actually became a kind of rite of passage to see who could handle it best."

If Mustang was trying to make Edward feel better, it wasn't working. All he was doing was admitting that he had knowingly led both Edward and himself into their current predicament. Roy said he hadn't been hurt, but what if it hadn't been him? What if it had been the nurse? Or Hawkeye? And even though it wasn't, what did this mean for the colonel? Would he have to -

"I lost pretty quickly."

It took Ed a moment to realize what Roy meant.

"I at least made it further than Fuery. Havoc didn't even try. He was crying before the they'd even pricked 'im."

Edward found both quite easy to picture. The difficult one was -

"I lost it around at the fourth one. I was so sore at that point that everything felt like - well, I guess that isn't really helping. The point is, Fullmetal… I…"

Roy thought he'd been ready for this. Now he knew that he could never have been ready for this confession.

"I cried. I cried that time and the time after that. And after that."

Roy felt the last of his pride drain away into the ground beneath the building.

He waited in silence, mourning his ability to look Fullmetal in the eye. He hadn't expected to hear shuffling and then see a pair of golden eyes peering over the side of the desk. He definitely hadn't expected Hayate to come trotting from underneath it and planting himself deliberately between those eyes and Roy. The dog seemed to frown at him, making it clear that Roy had not yet earned the right to speak to Edward directly.

Roy smiled wryly and rubbed the top of Hayate's head. Hayate was unimpressed and didn't move.

"Like a baby?"

Roy huffed a laugh.

The question was a test meant to determine if Mustang really meant this, that he was really willing to go as far as he was to get Ed to come out. Roy accepted it gratefully, if not a bit ruefully.

"Yes. I cried like a baby."

"'d they laugh a' you?"

"No. No one laughed at me. They were too busy crying like babies."

Edward giggled. It was a surprisingly wonderful sound.

"Everyone I know who's had that shot has at least cursed. You… you didn't make a sound. I have to say, Fullmetal, I'm pretty impressed."

More shuffling and then Edward was out from underneath the desk, though he was still hiding behind the side of the desk, hunched up against the side drawers.

"But you don't have to impress me, Fullmetal. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. If biting me, kicking me, and scratching me helps you through this, then I am ordering you to bite me and kick me and scratch me as much as you can. Understood?"

Edward stroked Hayate's back from the shadow of the desk.

"Don' wanna bite you."

"Really?" Roy said, genuinely surprised. "I'm touched. I was sure one of your greatest dreams was to someday rip a chunk out of me."

"No. You taste bad."

Roy laughed and Hayate "whuffed" again, wagging his curled tail in approval.

XXX

"Taste better than me, Fullmetal?"

Edward paused in the middle of shoving the stack of whipped cream laden pancakes in his mouth. He blinked at the colonel, his mouth half-full and a dollop of cream on his nose, then went back to stuffing two pancakes and their accompanying slices of banana into his face. Roy laughed hard enough to jostle the coffee in his mug and Riza frowned disapprovingly at the mess of syrup and cream on Ed's face. As soon as he had swallowed the ball of pancake, Hawkeye reached across the table with a handful of napkins and vigorously wiped at the mess on his face.

"Edward, please slow down, you'll choke."

Beneath the table, Hayate was perfectly content for Edward to not slow down. The half of a pancake and five pieces of banana he'd snatched before they'd reached the floor had made him hungry for more. The waiter hadn't been too keen on the idea of letting a dog into the cafe, but the small wad of bills Roy had pressed into his hand had changed his mind. Riza had pretended not to notice.

Hayate also gave Alphonse his much debated alibi. Al had ordered a plate of bacon, sausage, and eggs. The waiter had quailed under Alphonse's bulk, then nearly dropped his pen and paper when Al's prepubescent voice rang from the armor. The boys managed to hold in their laughter until after the poor man had gone. Hawkeye hadn't approved but wasn't able to hide her amused smile. Al had slipped the plate under the table, let Hayate have his fill, and then replaced the then empty plate. To the passing server, it simply looked as if Al had a hefty appetite - unsurprising, the waiter had mused to himself, considering his size.

As soon as Ed got his face free from Hawkeye's swiping napkins, he dove for the glass of orange juice and chugged it.

"Good God, Fullmetal, when was the last time you ate?" Roy asked, slightly horrified, then muttered an "Oh, yeah," when he remembered the slices of toast and hot chocolate that had served as Ed's dinner the previous evening.

No wonder the boy was famished.

Once the food was gone, Edward yawned sleepily and rubbed at his eyes, shaking his head to wake himself.

"Brother, it's only," Al glanced at the clock, "ten in the morning. How are you already tired?"

Riza pursed her lips and slipped a hand under Edward's shirt. Ed shivered at her cold fingers but didn't shake her off. Riza shook her head in negation.

"No fever, but it's probably still the immunization."

Roy nodded in agreement.

"Best to let him sleep it off."

"I'll take him this time," Riza said, taking Ed by the hand and pulling him to his feet. Alphonse shuffled out of the booth so they could escape. Roy stood up, tossing another wad of bills on the table as payment.

"Are you sure?"

"You had him last night and this morning. You need to rest and relax. Go home. I'll take it from here - and stay out of the cabinet," she added as she guided an increasingly drowsy Ed towards the door to the cafe. The waiter waved a friendly farewell that Alphonse reciprocated as they left.

XXX

The welt had turned an ugly reddish purple.

Edward fell asleep on Riza's bed, despite his protests, hugging a rubber bottle of ice to his stomach to ward off further swelling. Around noon, he mumbled unhappily in his sleep and Riza felt his unsurprisingly sweaty forehead. Al noticed her "hmm" of disappointment.

"Is he okay?"

"He has a small fever. It's normal for some immunizations. It should go away if we let him sleep. If it doesn't, we'll give him some medicine."

Alphonse echoed her "hmm" and pulled the cover up to his brother's crossed arms.

"The colonel said he has to get more."

"Yes. He'll get another one tonight."

"Will he get sick again?"

Riza gave in to the urge to smooth Edward's pillow-tousled hair. Ed sighed and nuzzled into her hand. She smiled and tucked a loose lock behind the boy's ear.

"He might. But he'll be all right."

Alphonse watched his brother settle, tucking his head against his chest as the lieutenant brushed her fingers down the back of his head.

"Yeah. He'll be all right."

Disclaimer: The vaccine featured in this story is based off of the very first serum-based immunization from the early 1900s. The original vaccine required 30 different shots that were administered over the span of 15 days. They were given in the stomach because of the high surface area and concentration of nerves beneath the skin. The raw nature and direct inoculation of the vaccine made the shot incredibly painful, with the pain often being described as just as bad or worse than a gunshot wound.

THEY DON'T DO THIS ANYMORE

The modern vaccine is no more painful than a flu shot and is given in the arm, though the immunoglobin shot can be very uncomfortable because it's supposed to activate your nervous system to make the vaccine as effective as possible. You also only need 4 - 12 shots around the wound over a week rather than 30 shots over 2 weeks.

Do not mess around with wild animals, especially bats and foxes, who are known to be popular carriers of the rabies vaccine. If you do mess around with these animals or they mess around with you, please, please PLEASE get the rabies vaccine! Rabies is completely preventable and treatable, but once symptoms show up (high fever, irritability, difficulty swallowing), the mortality rate is 99.9%. Only 1 person in the entire world is known to have survived rabies and only because she was put into a medically induced coma to prevent her brain from swelling. Repeated experiments with this method have failed, so the reason why this 1 person was able to survive is a widely debated medical mystery.