Blood Covered Hands

Douxie, his familiar, and his girlfriend got back a lot later than Jim would have expected, almost around midnight. To his surprise, Krel was with them. Claire cracked a huge yawn. "I'm going to find my bed, okay?" she asked, kissing Jim on the cheek. "See you in the morning?"

"Sure thing," he promised. Happy that he could promise such a thing. He watched after her as she left the hall.

"Ah, young love," Douxie sighed, draping his arm over Zoe's shoulders. She glared at him in response, but her glare was only half-hearted.

Jim refused to rise to the bait. "So did it work?"

"See for youself." Douxie extended his left hand toward Jim, wriggling all his fingers.

"It is fully functional," Krel informed Jim. "I do not do second-grade work."

"So I see. Wow." Jim was stunned. He didn't know much about prosthetics, but he knew that fully functional ones, that moved and indeed looked completely like the injury had never happened, were a medical pipe dream. "You should talk to my mom," he told Krel. "If you can show people how to duplicate that... you'd make a lot of people's lives better."

"Eh, I will think about it." Krel shrugged. "I am not yet sure humans are ready to be entrusted with galactic technology."

"Fair."

"So where's Master Merlin gotten to?" Douxie asked, straightening. His gaze drifted to the crystal jutting out of Jim's chest. "I can't imagine you want that thing stuck in your chest any longer than it has to be."

"He's down in the kitchen with Sir Galahad." Jim started to lead the way.

"Ugh, Sir Galahad." Zoe pulled a face.

"You know him?"

"Galahad was the most notorious bottom pincher in all of Camelot," Archie informed Jim. "And Zoe worked as a chambermaid in the castle for a while."

"Not my favorite gig," she said sourly.

"I am sure you can fend him off now," Krel told her.

She held up a hand. Pink lightning danced around her fingers. "He touches me, he's out."

Jim chuckled. "So, it's late, you guys hungry?" he asked. Then he considered that two of them were vampires, and one was an alien. Had he ever seen Krel eat lunch at school? He couldn't remember.

But Douxie lit up. "I have not had real food in over a decade," he declared. "I would love a bite of whatever's on tap."

"Wait, they only fed you blood?" Zoe demanded. "Ugh, that's sick!"

"You tell me about it," he said consolingly.

"Wait, so you guys can eat real food too?" Jim asked. "I thought vampires only drank blood."

"A centuries-long misinformation campaign," Douxie told him. "Vampires are pretty much omnivores - we can eat just about anything. Some even specialize in feeding on others' emotions."

"Unfortunately, the good emotions tend to be addictive," Zoe grumbled. "So they only drain those, and then they turn into jerks and assholes and we have to deal with them."

"Now now, love, there's a few who lead a more balanced diet." Douxie glanced up at Jim. Smiled. "Some of us can make wonderful therapists, with the right training."

"Huh," said Jim. You learned all kind of things.

Inside the kitchen, at the big wooden table, Sir Galahad and Merlin sat with big mugs of ale and only crumbs left on their plates. Galahad took a deep swig and belched, then turned to face Jim. "All right, you've converted me, lad. These 'burrito' things are indeed most marvelous."

Jim laughed. "Glad you like them," he said, heading to the area of the kitchen where the actual work got done. He'd had to adjust his techniques to cooking over a wood fire, but he was a quick study, and even if the smell of cooked meat made him want to gag now, he retained enough sensory memory from being human that he knew when it was done and would taste good.

No, the main problem was that everything was so small.

Well, it wasn't small. He was huge. Jim frowned. Cooking for his family and his friends now felt like he was making doll food. Which gave him the mental image of using troll-sized tweezers. He smiled, making a note to himself while he prepped food for the late-comers.

The four of them were sitting across the table from Merlin. The older wizard was examining Douxie's new hand, prodding it with both his fingers and his magic. Jim tried to keep his mind on his work and not eavesdrop, but... Well, by the time he had the food ready, it was obvious that Merlin wasn't happy about the fact that he'd had to pronounce Krel's work acceptable.

"Order up," Jim said, sliding plates in front of the Akiridion, the dragon, and the two vampires. (He mourned again, internally, for his derailed culinary school plans. Chez Jimbo, Toby's idea for a name, was never gonna be.)

"Thank you," Krel said automatically as Jim seated himself on the ground at the end of the table, to be more-or-less on eye level with everyone else.

"Hmm." Zoe poked at the burrito with a manicured fingernail, then shrugged and picked it up.

Archie was purring, already eating, with all evidence of enjoyment.

Douxie, though, took his time. He picked the burrito up like he was savoring the warmth, its solidity in his hands. Actually, could the fake hand feel? Jim didn't know. He watched as Douxie inhaled, taking in the aroma. Finally, he took a bite.

Jim smirked as Douxie's pupils instantly blew wide. The wizard chewed and swallowed and twisted in his seat to stare at Jim. "Mordrax's miracles," he swore. "You did not tell me you could cook!"

Jim grinned, unrepentant.

"Actually," Krel said, chewing, "this reminds me of one of Stuart's burritos."

"You mean the taco truck guy?" Jim asked.

"I mean the taco truck Durian."

"Wait, durian like the fruit?" Zoe asked.

"Durian, like someone from the planet Durio," Krel retorted.

The taco truck guy was from another planet? He might, Jim realized, have to reassess his view of his hometown. Again. "Uh, yeah. I took a few hints from how he makes his."

"Eh, it's passable," Zoe allowed.

Archie thwacked her arm with his tail, never pausing in his eating.

Galahad chortled into his ale.

"Anyhow," Jim said. "What are we going to do about... this?" His fingers hovered over the dark shard jutting out of his chest. He didn't want to touch it. Even the thought felt vile, greasy, now that he knew how much just a flake of it coming off had hurt.

Jim wondered if this was going to be the thing that finally killed him, when nothing else had managed.

"Well." Douxie finished another bite and swallowed. "My initial thought is carving that magic-canceling bracelet off my former hand, putting it around your crystal, and seeing if we can get those thorns on it to bite into the crystal. If they can cut off the magic inside it, it's just another rock, and we can extract it, right?"

Zoe whapped him upside the back of the head. "Leaving a gaping hole in his chest, dumbass."

"Much as it pains me to admit it," Merlin said, "the hedgewitch is right. I fear such an extraction might well kill the Trollhunter."

"Well, that's why we're talking about it first, aren't we?" Douxie shot back. He looked at Jim, then back at Merlin. His voice lowered to practically a growl. "And we're certainly not doing anything without asking first."

Jim winced. "Douxie." He waited until the wizard looked at him. "He did ask me. It was my choice."

"Did he, Jim?" Douxie asked. "Or did he back you into a corner, and leave you thinking you had no choice?"

Zoe snorted. "Yeah, not like he's never done anything like that before."

Merlin's glower turned acid. "So says the vampire who lured and seduced my apprentice into her grasp!"

"I did nothing-"

"Do not deny it!" Green sparked around Merlin. In his eyes. "I can sense his lineage as clearly as I can sense yours, Ashildr! You were the one who turned him from human into... this." He spat the last word with distaste. "I will not be chided by a callow youth with no greater plans or responsibilities than her own pleasure!"

"You think I wanted this, old man?!" Zoe was on her feet, nails digging into the oak of the table. "You think I wanted him to become like me? I just wanted to see him one more time, but no, he had to be all noble and self-sacrificing-"

"Zoe." Douxie put his hand on her shoulder. She growled, fangs flashing, but remained still under his touch. Douxie's gaze returned to Merlin. "Please do not speak of events you know nothing of, Master," he said softly.

"I know enough," Merlin snapped.

"Then you know," Douxie said levelly, "that I would have given my very life to save that of the most beautiful girl in the world." He looked at Zoe, smiling up at her like they were the only two beings in the room. "No matter what she had become." A tender kiss pressed to her knuckles. "Or what it might make me into."

Zoe stared at him, her bottom lip trembling.

"Aye, there's a fine romance for you!" Galahad cheered, raising his ale mug in salute.

"Imagine me having to put up with nine hundred years of this," Archie told Jim and Krel.

"Yech, nine weeks of having to put up with my sister and the oaf was bad enough," Krel said. "No thank you."

"Well, my lady," Douxie said softly. "Shall I call you my wife?"

Zoe snorted and sat back down, shoving at his shoulder. "After fourteen years of spousal abandonment? No way."

"Oi, that was hardly my fault!" he protested.

"Nope, I'm single now."

"We can get married again," Douxie planned out. "What do you think? Las Vegas? Tahiti?"

A small smile appeared, almost seeming unwilling, on her face.

"Wait, have you guys gotten married multiple times?" Jim asked incredulously.

"Six so far," Douxie told him cheerfully.

Merlin sniffed. "I question your judgment," he told his apprentice, "and your taste."

"Well, they're both mine to be bad," Douxie told him. "So, what are your thoughts on extracting Jim's evil crystal, Master?"

Somehow that led to, not half an hour later, Jim being tied to a table.

"Hold still," Krel told him. "This should not hurt." He tapped at his tablet, and a cool blue light swept from it all over Jim, from top to toenail. Then a second beam swept out, focusing on Jim's chest.

Krel was right; it was not uncomfortable. The buzzing, tingling sensation of the scan, in fact, was almost relaxing. Jim hadn't noticed, until his shoulders lowered, how much unconscious tension he'd been carrying.

"Hmm. Interesting."

"What's interesting?" Jim asked.

"You seem to have a resonance with Akiridion technology."

"More of your technology being compatible with magic?" Douxie asked, from where he was sitting at a different table. One of his hands held a knife. The other held his former hand. Jim swallowed and looked away from the grisly sight of Douxie's blood-covered hands literally carving away at his own flesh as he worked to free the anti-magic bracelet.

"Perhaps. Trolls are magic?" Krel asked Jim.

He nodded. "Oh yeah. Without the magic that animates them, they're literally stone." Jim thought about A Brief Recapitulation of Troll Lore. He swallowed, and wondered if he'd ever get to finish reading it. Blinky would be so proud if he did.

"Hmm." Krel tapped at his tablet again, and a 3-D hologram sprung up over it. It was the crystal, Jim realized, looking at it.

Merlin scowled, stalking closer and studying the hologram. "So, the blasted thing's grown roots, has it?"

"Roots?" Jim asked, alarmed.

"Roots, Trollhunter," the wizard confirmed. "Though..." He paused. "That gives me an idea. Wait here." He stalked off, out the door.

Those of them remaining in the room-Jim, Krel, Douxie, Zoe, and Archie-looked at each other, exchanging confused glances.