AN: Sorry everyone. This chapter took forever to write. So many interruptions. LIFE! Thanks for the kind reviews. You're all amazing.
Chapter 6; Spider Webs
Muncy poked her head into Olivia's office. It was early evening. Olivia was finishing up the last file of the day so she could go home to see Noah and then push through another lonely evening of wine and Handmaid's Tale.
"Goodnight, Boss," Muncy squeaked out as she ripped her suit jacket off.
"It's Captain," Olivia corrected with a slight glance up.
Muncy's pleasant demeanor sank and she nodded. "Sorry."
Olivia winced at her own impatience, then pulled the blue glasses from her face as she called the rookie back into the room. "Muncy…"
The young detective grew flush and smiled with a coy expression.
"No, I'm sorry," Olivia corrected herself.
"For what?"
"I didn't mean to be…well bossy. I've got a hang up on that word. Feels demeaning, even though I know that's not what you meant by it. And ah, frankly I put in a lot of years to earn this title, so I do shamelessly correct people to use it," she grinned and attempted to make light of her need for Muncy to learn the unspoken ethical codes at SVU.
Muncy could see Olivia's wheels spinning. "It's okay, Bo- Captain. I got it."
"You're doing good work. And thank you for changing up your wardrobe. Trust me, people will treat you better out there, if you dress like you care. But I'm not too proud to admit that on my days off I live in my pajama pants and a hoodie."
"You?" Muncy perked back up. "In Pajama Pants during the day? I refuse to believe it, " she smiled.
"Ha…well, that can be our secret. I have a reputation to uphold." Olivia yawned and rubbed her temples. She was more than ready to be in those pajamas at this very moment.
She said good night and checked her phone a second time. The texts made her flush in the cheeks.
Muncy watched her for a moment. "Who's that?," she almost laughed.
"Oh, no one, just an old friend texting me," she nodded back with an unconvincing authority. "You should get home."
"I will. Oh and by the way, your son Noah is so sweet," she added.
"Thank you. He's the love of my life," she beamed.
"No husband? Or…Partner or anyone?"
The pause said it all.
"Not that you need that," Muncy back pedaled. "I mean, geez, especially if you're into men. All the men I know are needy and childish and come with so much trauma and drama. I personally don't see a need for any of the committed nonsense. So much drama…either way …yeah swing," she nervously laughed.
Olivia half smiled and put her glasses back on her face. "Men are definitely hard to commit to," she suggested for clarity. "But we all have our trauma and drama to deal with, so you will get no judgment from me there."
"Yeah," Muncy's eyes glazed over as she thought about her mom for the second time that day. "For sure. Trauma..sucks."
"Get home already, Muncy. And be safe."
Muncy nodded and headed for the elevator. Velasco had texted her a dozen times in the five minutes she talked to Olivia. He was waiting by his car in the garage.
"What took you so long?"
"Just saying good night to the Captain. You got somewhere you need to be?"
""Yeah," he said in a stiff macho stance. He grabbed her by the hips and pulled her in for a kiss.
She pushed him off of her onto the car.
"V! Not in the garage. You want to get us fired!"
He laughed and opened the car door for her. "Fired. Nah. Nobody's firing anybody in this department."
"I'm not about to test that theory. Benson would never look at me the same again if she knew I was fucking you. Her intimidating eyes. I already can't tell what she's thinking when she looks at me. To add the pressure of her knowing you and I were fucking… I couldn't live with myself."
"Damn…I thought we were at least making love…are we really just fucking," he dumbfoundedly questioned her description of it all, but Muncy had already gotten lost in her own thoughts.
"She's a really awesome mom and one of those teachers you remember forever from High School and have a crush on. I respect her, fear her, and I'm weirdly attracted to her all at the same time. Like I don't usually go for female identifying like that, you know, I'm more of a non-bionary or full blown straight guy kind of person, but I could definitely have a girl crush on Benson. Don't you just want to touch her hands and just like pet her hair and let her whisper things to you with that deep voice and that electrifying energy. Let her teach you things while you feel the warmth of her body next to yours. It's not even a sex thing. Just like a sweet kiss and cuddling. Yeah. She needs a cuddle! Eh, I see her! I know what she needs."
Velasco was gawking at her in silence. His thick skulled face in full surprise, the testosterone took over his brain, and left him with wide eyes and his mouth hanging from his jaw.
"What?," Muncy shrugged. " Don't you see it! She just needs to get laid and loved so bad, and…well I would do it. I could be her Billy Ilish," she stopped and looked at him, and realized he was more than turned on by that idea. She threw her suit coat at his face. "Perv. Just drive!"
He laughed. "How am I the perv! Did you just hear yourself! You just wrote a very graphic woman on woman romance novel in less than 5 minutes about…BENSON, of all people, and yet I'm the perv!"
"Yeah. yeah. I have a thing for older women since my mom passed. It's fine. I'm starving. Will you drive already?"
"My place or yours?"
"Yours," she said, taking her belt, bra, and her shoes off in the passenger seat.
SCENE
"I've got pizza and wine, and I'm at your door," Elliot texted Olivia 24 hours after their serious discussion and kind of break up.
After she left him standing alone in the office hallway, he took the rest of the day off and immediately went to the only therapist he wanted to talk. The only person that would feel like a friend and not a shrink. The only therapist who knew both him and Olivia the best, and Dr George Haung begrudgingly agreed to see him on a bi-weekly basis. Before leaving George's living room Elliot added a quick statement about Olivia being unable to forgive him and wanting to mend their bond. He then handed the dr a fifty dollar bill and George took it and reminded him to remember the good days when laughing was easy and trust was abundant. "Those are the memories that brought you together. They will guide you to a new chapter."
The first text was the hardest. The only thing he could come up with was this pizza line, I've got pizza and wine, and I'm at your door.
It was meant to be a joke. He wasn't really at her door and he hadn't ordered pizza, though, he was going to, and this text was all his ravenous brain could muster up. He watched the three dots and regretted the 'joke' text immediately. The dots stopped and then started and stopped again. The length of time for her to respond was borderline insulting to his typically on point sense of humor.
That was meant to be a joke. I'm not at your door and I don't have pizza, and I was going to make you buy, if you went for it.
"Nope" He erased the message.
Kidding I'm not at your door.
Three dots again.
He was starting to really hate text messages.
Can I call you?
"No, Elliot," he sighed to himself and erased the second text.
Then before he could finish his thoughts, she texted him a gif of a fat cat passed out from eating too much pizza.
"Ha," he chuckled to himself. Feeling victorious, he gave one last text to start the peace offerings.
Looks like Noah beat me to the punch. Hope you're having a good night. Can we call each other sometime?
A thumbs up.
"I'll take that," he nodded to himself.
He called her every night after that, regardless of her trust issue with him, he would non-aggressively prove himself to her one phone call at a time. And most of the time…she answered.
"I hope this doesn't feel like a punishment," her voice in his ear. He lay on his bed after a long day at work.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Us...having that…after we...in the kitchen...at the wedding...that,"
"Kiss. You kissing me all night at a work wedding. Is that the that you speak of?"
"Yeah. That. Us…doing that, and then going back to accidental run-ins and phone tag. Is this too hard to navigate now?"
"I will do anything that makes you feel comfortable, Liv. If the phone is all I get, I will take it. Though, it's hard not to think about that kiss."
"Ha," she softly smiled. "Yeah…that's why we need distance," she pulled the focus back to the matter at hand and away from the thing she was trying so desperately not to act upon. "I hope you don't feel like you can't be angry in front of me. I'm a safe person to vent that emotion to if you need to talk something difficult out, and if calling a friend prevents you from hitting a wall, then please call me. I just also want to make sure that you have the space and time to heal on your own…for you…does that make sense," she replied from her end, also in bed with the lights out.
"I understand, Liv. And we don't have to get into it again. I'm sorry…that I make you feel like you can't trust me. I'm sorry it has to be this way for a bit, but I understand."
"Thank you for saying that."
"I'm looking forward to a day when you can trust me again. You and I used to have so much fun together back in the day when life seemed easier. Granted I had a wife, but I could make you laugh and smile all of the time. Also, I wouldn't admit it then, but it made my day to work my way through a crime with you. Pencils twirling, paper being thrown. Sharing Dough nuts. Role playing. You made me feel alive again. You still do that to me. I certainly don't want to go back to being that guy who didn't know himself, but it would be nice to find that light hearted fun again…maybe in a different way."
"Yeah, it would. It really would." She paused and tensed, trying to figure out how much she should say to him and what she should keep to herself. "Yeah…we were so much lighter back then weren't we. Less jaded and full of irrational passion. I'm training so many newbies right now and it takes me back every once in a while. I'm forced to remember what I was like…once."
"Somehow you had less hair and I had more. You definitely got the better end of the stick there."
She laughed and then sighed thinking about the two of them young and attached at the hip. "You know, El, for what it's worth…it's..not just a trust issue, when it comes to us. I was thinking about this last week. Muncy…eh…my new detective, she made me remember something the other day about people in relationships with trauma. I'm pretty hard on you, but you're not the only one in this relationship with trauma…and I don't think you realize that. So I hope it's okay that we just take things…very slow."
"I know. It's hard losing someone. I'm sure when Ed passed…well I wasn't there, so I don't know how you…handled it. And I'm sorry for not being sensitive or present. I am working on being present."
"Ed is not my trauma..."
"What do you mean? Can I ask that?," he treaded lightly.
" Mmmm…it's hard to talk about," she sat up wide awake unsure if she should tell him anything at all.
"Who hurt you? I'll kill him," he tried to lighten the mood, but when that didn't get a chuckle or a smile, he knew it was serious. "Seriously, I want to know. I want to know everything. You've been my sound board this whole time. Let me be yours."
"Okay..but I'm only telling you so that you understand. I don't want sympathy." Olivia searched her mind to share her fears with him and it came out all at once. "Before Noah and not long after you left. I was abducted by a perp. I was hunted, beaten, burned, drugged, tortured, tied up and taken for 3 days. I thought I would die. I thought I would be found by Fin and my other partner at the time, naked, raped, tortured, and dead. And the part of it that still haunts me on occasion, more than the abduction, is that I had no one in my life to live for. All I could think about the entire 3 days was how I wished you were there with me, so that I wouldn't have to die alone. And then I'd get angry at you or myself because you weren't there. But then I was angry that nobody else was good enough. Nobody could live up to you. How if you had still been there, you would have found me and beat Lewis to a bloody pulp and you wouldn't have given it a second thought. How the abduction may not have ever happened because you would have walked me home that night. I knew if anybody could be what I needed at that moment, it would have been you, and you weren't there. And I was utterly alone. It was the lowest I have ever felt, and I still think about that one moment when I thought I would die and you were the only person I wanted. And it really scares me to let myself...love you like that...again"
"Jesus, Liv…I'm so sorry."
"I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I just need you to know...why I'm so hesitant."
"Oh Liv…," he was speechless, and wanting so badly to be next to her. "It's everything in me not to hang up and drive to your house right now."
"No. No. Don't."
He got it, but it killed him to the core. "Thank you...for telling me that. I know that was painful to recount. But...oh Liv...I'm so sorry. I wish I had been a better person. I hate myself for leaving you."
"Don't hate yourself," she warmly responded. "That time you left happened for a reason. And it taught me so much. And now you are finding yourself daily, just like I did. I just know now…that I am strong enough to be my own person, and Elliot…we're going to be okay."
"Yeah. How can you believe that after what you just told me." Elliot sat deep in his thoughts and her story for a moment.
"Because for some reason you keep coming back to me no matter how hard I push you away."
"Well," he smiled. "You are a hard ass woman to love. There is no doubt there. Did you kill the guy?"
"He's dead…" She could still hear the gun go off when she thought about it.
"…I wish I could hold you right now," he yearned.
"Soon."
But not soon enough. After that conversation, Elliot was more at ease with their decision to move slow. He even found himself liking therapy. He would follow her lead and build up her trust, and even on the nights she didn't answer that didn't stop him from leaving a love letter's worth of message in her voice mail.
You've reached Olivia Benson. Leave a message.
"And our lives are forever changed. We will never be the same
The more you change, the less you feel
Believe, Believe in me,Believe
That life can change. That you're not stuck in vain
We're not the same, we're different Tonight.
I took Eli, to a Smashing Pumpkins concert tonight. Thought of you."
Benson. Leave a message.
"Twizzlers. Cragen used to have a giant thing of twizzlers on his desk. I swear that made everybody's day easier. I want to bring that back. I need to find twizzlers."
Leave a message.
"It's me. Hard day…real hard day. I don't know…why I do this sometimes. Don't worry, I've already seen the therapist."
And sometimes he felt like she would only pick up if she knew she could keep it brief and easy, so he started calling her at work. "El, hey…I'm on my way to court, but I can talk for a minute. I love your messages," he could hear her smile, which made his day. He sat alone in his car listening to her voice warm, strong, and out of breath from huffing down the loud New York sidewalk like a boss.
.
"I've been so busy. Haven't been able to pick up." He half believed it.
"How are things? Glad you're back to therapy." Like he had a choice.
"You're seeing, George? But didn't he retire? …..Of course, you just showed up at his house. That sounds about right."
Her way of passive aggressively accepting his shortcomings.
"I'm so glad that it's working out. Hey, I want to hear more. ...You want to take me to Lunch? Ah…soon. I gotta go. I'm glad you're making progress."
She's only halfway to the courthouse and could easily give him 10 more minutes, but he spooked her with lunch, as if it were code for sex, which would be nice, but Elliot would also be just as content filling the void with pastrami on rye.
"I'll look forward to your call tonight? Can't wait. I might even pick up…if you're lucky." She won't.
Still he persisted with the daily messages.
"You're a tease. You didn't pick up. But I'm lucky anyway. Took down a stockbroker who imbesselled over 20 billion from senior living centers. A real tool. Looked just like that guy you used to date. What was that asshole's name? Porter? … Dean Porter! That guy did not deserve the little black dress."
Olivia listened to all of them and usually found herself laughing and then smiling herself to sleep.
Beep.
"Good night…my…Liv…and you know the phone works both ways. I promise I won't pick up. You can just leave a message."
With little persuasion she obliged to the challenge.
"Hey…it's me…Liv. I just sent your office a giant thing of Twizzlers. You better save the last one for me."
It's Stable, leave a message.
"Can't sleep. Also, I don't know how you did this parenting thing 5 times. Noah has a dance competition tomorrow and I always feel like a shit show. The kid dances and I turn into Claire Danes. He asked about you the other day. He saw your text with the heart on it. I told him we'd have to hang out with you again. He didn't ask about the heart. Should I ask about the heart? No. I'm talking too much. If you aren't working tomorrow, Noah has a dance competition…you should come. Good Night…my Elliot."
Leave a message after the tone.
"I have a case I need to talk to you about. Call me back."
SCENE
April showers blew in and dropped heavy rain onto Olivia's umbrella. She stood on the sidewalk across from Elliot's office and looked up to the second floor windows of OC. Though they had made leaps and bounds in their relationship over the phone, months of time had passed without seeing his face. A flutter of nervous emotion took over her insides and she sucked in a deep breath to relax herself before crossing the street. The wind blew against her coat trying to rip it from her body and her umbrella almost went inside out as she rushed over puddles and through the heavy door.
When the abduction case hit her desk earlier that week and intel led them to an open ended OC investigation, she would be the first to admit her call to Elliot was noticeably premature. But the only one to pay any mind to it was Fin, and he was good at keeping those details to himself these days.
She pushed the front hallway door open and walked by the corner they had frequented when they were seeing more of each other face to face. She touched the wall they always leaned on as she passed by it. The reminiscent warmth of his body on the brick still hung fresh in her mind
OC headquarters was all a buzz when she entered the space. Fin and Velasco were already there going over notes with some of the new detectives that she didn't recognize. Several FBI agents and familiar swat team officers were also in the room. There was a hum of different conversations happening at the same time. And then she saw him next to a large bulletin board in the open area of the office. He pulled pictures and files from a box and told a woman standing next to him how to hang them. He made a few flirtatious jokes toward the semi attractive woman, as he does, and if she had not just had an intimate conversation with him the other night about parenting and the smell of her perfume driving him wild for a solid decade, she may have found herself bubbling up with a hint of jealousy.
"You actually have to tac it to the wall with a tac…otherwise, you'll have to hold it there for the next hour, and…there's a lot of pictures in this box."
The younger woman laughed. "Stabler, just give me the damn tac box."
And that's when his eyes locked onto hers.
"Liv."
"Hey," she smiled and they almost went in for a hug and stopped themselves. The energy was thick and heads turned to see it. All eyes were watching their every move, until they noticed and turned to look back. A collective jolt went through several of the people who knew them well. They quickly went back to their own conversations.
"Come here, let me..," he motioned for her to walk behind the bulletin board. He could barely finish his sentence. She was like a goddess in her smart suit and her long wavy hair. Her face was glowing from the rain. "… let me fill you in real quick," he caught himself and got back to the task at hand.
They professionally reviewed the operation that both teams and Bell came up with before the room gathered.
She sifted through the intel, while Elliot pointed out details. His warm body next to her. His voice in her ear, soft and intense at the same time.
"Anything you want to add to that," he asked, so close to her that if he were anyone else she would have fired them.
"Sounds good," she nodded in her focused voice.
He squeezed her arm gently and quietly whispered ", it's really good to see you."
She allowed it and sat in his gaze for a moment. "Same. Okay," she breathed and then pulled away.
"People," Elliot called out and walked back to the center of the room. "Let's do this. Gather round. We have Captain Benson from SVU and myself Lieutenant Stabler, leading this operation with you today. I'm going to let the Captain start and follow up with the Lieutenant game plan."
"Thanks…Lieutenant?," she looked at him and questioned his rank silently as she stepped to the front of the room. He winked at her. He'd been waiting to drop that surprise for a while.
"Ah…," she almost gave him a full bright smile, but brought herself back into focus. "Okay. Um…we have a missing girl. She's 10. She was on vacation with her family and taken from the Central Park area near the Maridian Hotel. There was a suspect following our victim fro several days before the abduction. Our detectives were able to trace this man to the Rabinski Group. A group that OC has been following for human trafficking for over 10 years now."
Elliot stood up next to her without a second thought about personal space. His hand rested next to hers on the desk in front of them. They stood arm to arm.
Jet lifted a subtle eyebrow in Whelan's direction and he ever so slightly nodded that he was right there with her noticing the sexual tension in front of them.
"The Rabinski Group," Elliot continued with a lean towards the pictures of several men on the board. "We followed them extensively when I was stationed in Italy. They are one of the worlds largest organized groups in child abduction and sex trafficking. They mainly work in Europe but have recently popped up in the US. Our team has been working closely with a CI who has gotten us access to their files and several locations where the girl might be held."
The two groups watched as Olivia and Elliot worked around each other, like they were choreographed. Elliot walked the group through the targeted persons of interest. Olivia would hand him a new picture to pin to the board. She would scribble a name on a post-it note and place it under a face. Elliot would lightly touch her hand to reposition something. Both professional, but vibrating with an unspeakable utterly contagious energy.
Jet found herself hyponized and smiling at the two of them. She abruptly stopped herself in mid grin and went back to her cool slouch. She looked around the room and noticed several SVU detectives picking up on it too. Their body language practically squirmed.
At one point Olivia dropped her pen and Elliot whisked it from the floor. They both lightly bumped heads and blushed at each other.
"Ow, you okay," Elliot bumbled.
"Thanks. I was going for it too. Sorry. Got it. Thanks," she fluttered back.
Elliot made a half laugh gasp at their folly and she almost followed suit.
The whole room stopped breathing and then collectively let out all of the air as the two fumbled between staying focused and enjoying each other's company.
Whelan smiled big at Jet and loosened his tie, miming that it was all of the sudden hot in the room. Jet placed a hand over her mouth to hide the wide smile and laughter that wanted to spill out.
"This area in upstate New York is where we believe the new girls are taken. I'll set up our team on the west side of the building," Olivia continued. Her eyes grew serious again.
"We believe there are close to a dozen women and half a dozen children being held on this property. The property is large. There appears to be a helicopter landing pad and several buildings and barns on it. It is fenced in, and surrounded by land mines. We do have a warrant for this building based off of a testimony from Elliot's CI, but raiding just that one warehouse could lead to them moving the girls to god knows where. However, getting to that warehouse is my team's main concern."
Elliot stopped her warmly. "The Rabinski group has one man stationed in this warehouse, and this woman, Annika, which our UC, Whelan has become close with. Annika is the leader of the girls," Elliot finished and stepped up next to Olivia to add pictures of a thirty something blonde woman with the body of a playboy model to the board.
Olivia held his eyes for a second too long and then turned her back to him and finished. "so…Elliot will go in with Whelan undercover as buyer. Muncy and Velasco will show up as cops right after them with the warrant for the main warehouse. We're hoping that will force Annika and security to reveal the back end of their operation."
They fine tuned the details and dispersed. Olivia walked passed Elliot over to Velasco. "Where's Muncy?"
"I don't know," Velasco stuttered.
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"I mean, she's not answering her phone and she's not here."
"This is her third time running late this week. What did you do," Olivia got right into his face and he froze, unsure what she was asking. "Come on, I'm not blind. You think I don't know what you two are doing after hours. What happened and why is she all of the sudden late? You have a fight? You break up?"
"No. I mean, we haven't been seeing each other like that for a month now. She's been having issue with her sister. I'll call her again. I'll get her here."
"You better," Olivia barked.
Fin stood in the middle of it all unphased. "I can cover Muncy today."
"That's not the point."
"I hear that," he replied, trying to get her to calm down.
Elliot could overhear everything and walked over to them.
"Liv, let it go. We'll get your girl straightened out before we leave. Here," he pulled his hand from around his back with an almost empty bucket of twizzlers. "I saved you the last ones."
"Oh man, Twizzlers," Fin jumped. "That shit gets you through. The. Day! Look at you, buying food for people. Lieutenant, has done you some good."
Olivia melted in Elliot's soft gaze and pulled the last twizzler out of the bucket after Fin. "Thanks for not telling me, about your promotion, by the way. I would have come to the ceremony."
"I know," he smiled. "I don't like ceremonies, though. That reaction was priceless."
"It definitely was. Your jaw almost landed in your chest," Fin grinned, and they all laughed.
"Sorry to kill the party," Bell interrupted. "But we should get this show on the road. Liv, do we need to replace, Muncy?'
"No," Velasco walked in. "She's on her way. Her sister was skipping school, but she's headed in now. Should be here in 10 minutes."
"Great, let's get wired up," Olivia added as the group of them dispersed.
Olivia and Fin drove in one car. Elliot and Whelan not far behind them.
"Elliot we...H...lia...Can...hear?"
"Liv, your wire isn't working," Elliot talked back from his car.
"What? I don't copy," she replied.
"Can you hear me now."
"Fin, this wire isn't working. Take it off of me," she said as she drove.
Both car gaining distance from the group and each other.