Tommy didn't entirely know what it was he should do with the information that Esme had given him. He didn't know if he could do anything. Instead, he'd gone back home and he had found the flower patches that Elizabeth had planted for their lost children. She'd had two miscarriages. She had lost two babies before she had been told that they couldn't have anymore children. She'd been devastated. He remembered telling her that it didn't matter. He'd held her and promised her that Charlotte was enough for them. He had assured her that they would be fine. And then James had walked into their life and she had taken him.
Kneeling by the flowers, he saw that they were still in bloom and he wondered what could have been. What might have happened if Elizabeth had been able to have another child? What would their lives have looked like? He felt as though he had wasted so much time in his life without his wife. So much time had been wasted on business when he could have been with her instead.
He never tired of the way she ran to the door whenever he came home, launching herself at him. He never tired of how she would squeal as his arms wrapped around her waist and he spun her round before kissing her. He never tired of seeing the smile on her face that she reserved for him and him alone. He'd never deserved her. He suspected it only made sense in that case for him to have lost her.
"Dad, you're going to get cold if you stay out here."
Tommy peered over his shoulder to his daughter. She was stood in her red coat, hair hanging loose down her back and her arms folded over her chest. He sniffed and held an arm out to her as he stood up straight. She moved to him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, holding her tightly against him.
"What're yer doing out here?" Tommy asked his daughter.
"James has gone to the shop and I was working in my room. I saw you out here."
"I was just lookin' at the flowers," he admitted to his daughter, holding onto her as she kept her arms folded and looked down to the white, yellow and pink flowers in the soil. Tommy sniffed and tried to remain composed. He had to try and stay afloat for his family because they needed him. They needed him more than he knew.
"Mum would come out here and do the same thing," Charlotte said to her father. "She came when she thought I wasn't looking. I think she thought it would make me sad…but it wouldn't…I just wanted her to be happy."
"She was happy, Charlotte."
"I…there were times…" Charlotte began, but shook her head.
Tommy looked down to her and urged her to continue, squeezing her shoulder in his grip.
"Yer can tell me anythin', yer 'ear me? Anythin'."
"There were times I wondered if you'd be disappointed in me because I was the only child you could have…it felt as though I just wanted to make her happy all of the time…make her proud of me…and I know that sounds stupid, but-"
"-It doesn't sound stupid," Tommy interrupted as he heard her sniff. He spun her around so that she was facing him and he saw that she was crying again. It seemed as though all they ever did was cry in the house these days. Bringing her tighter against him, he hugged her firmly, cheek pressed to his chest. "Yer mum loved yer more than anythin' and she could never be disappointed in yer. Yer made 'er so proud…yer were everythin' to 'er. Never think that, alright? We might not 'ave 'ad another child, but yer were all we ever needed or wanted."
"I just want her back, dad. I just want her to come in my bedroom and turn my light off…tuck me in when she thinks I'm already asleep…but I wasn't. I was never asleep. I just liked her coming in, but I thought I was too old for it and so I pretended to be asleep."
Tommy hugged her tighter as she started to cry and he ran his hand down her hair gently, needing to try and comfort her. He had no idea how long she cried for, but he didn't once loosen his grip on her. He held her tightly, keeping her close because he never wanted to let her go again.
He knew that he couldn't do anything about his new found son at that moment in time. How would Charlotte react? How would James react? They had to be his main priority. They had to be everything that he took care of. In time, he might see if his son wanted to know him, but for the time being, he had to prioritise the family he had.
"Come on, it's cold out 'ere and yer need to get some rest," Tommy said to his daughter and she nodded against him.
He kept hold of her hand as they walked inside, Frances stood in the doorway and clearly waiting for them.
"Mr Shelby, your brother is downstairs," she said.
"I'll go to 'im in a minute," Tommy said, knowing what Arthur would be like. He had been completely out of it all the time recently and Tommy knew that he had to do something eventually. But it felt as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and he wasn't coping with it. But he had to. He had to because people relied on him.
"Can yer take Charlotte for some dinner?" Tommy asked Frances. "And I'll be there in a while."
"Of course, Mr Shelby," she said with a nod and Tommy bent down to kiss Charlotte on the forehead. "And a letter arrived for you today…it was from your doctor. I left it on your desk."
"I'll look at it later, just…please…take Charlotte…"
Frances did and Charlotte didn't even complain at being passed about between the adults. She let Frances guide her into the dining room as Tommy sought his brother out, knowing that he and Arthur were due a heart-to-heart.
…
"You need to get some sleep."
"I don't want to sleep."
"But you have to sleep."
"But then I won't get to watch you," he said and he saw her smile widely at that as she remained in his arms. She had her hand resting on his chest and he was looking at the engagement ring that sat on her finger. He'd just placed it there after she had agreed to wait for him to come back. She had told him that she would wait and that there would be no one else for her.
He had never been a hopeless romantic, not really, but ever since he'd met her, he hadn't been anything else. She had turned him into a mess. There had been girls before her, of course, but none of them had really felt like she did. It was like he'd been missing a piece and she was it. She completed him. He never knew he could feel that way, but he did.
"Well, I doubt you'd want to keep watching me. I'm nowhere near as fascinating as you make out."
"Oh, yer are," he assured her, feeling her nestle into the crook of his neck. He moved a hand to sit on top of hers, his finger stroking the rock in the band of the engagement ring. "Believe me, yer are so much more fascinating than my dreams."
"Well, your dreams must be quite boring," she commented and he chuckled.
"You tellin' me yer don't dream about me?" he asked from her.
She smiled widely. He felt her breath hit his neck as she chuckled and hooked a leg over one of his, snuggling in tighter to him. "I dream about you nearly every single night since you came after me on that canal boat," she confessed and his own lips quirked at that. He stroked along her back with his arm that was around her shoulders. Her silk slip was soft under his fingers.
"You do, eh?"
"I was beginning to wonder if you'd laid some kind of Gypsy curse on me, Mr Shelby," she said with a teasing tone and he chuckled, chest rising up and down in quick succession.
"Reckon I must 'ave. Seems to be the only logical reason why a girl like yer would be with me."
She rolled her eyes and shook her head slowly. "I can think of many other reasons."
"Such as?"
"Are you fishing for compliments?"
"Only if yer willin' to give 'em."
"I suppose I can manage that," she said to him, still teasing as her finger traced along his chest softly. "Well, you are incredibly kind, but you hide it. I mean, heaven forbid anyone actually see you be kind in public…but you are. You love your family, no matter how much you fight. You're loyal to them. You're quick witted and funny. You put on such a tough act, but deep down you're so tender…and you…you make me feel safer than anyone ever has before. You make me feel as though you love me for me and not just to use me for my name or status. You make me feel like I'm the only one in the room when we're together and I can't begin to tell you what that means to me…what you mean to me."
She finished and he just laid still beneath her, eyes flashing to the ceiling as he took in everything she had just said. She stiffened against his side and peered up to him, watching him as his gaze met hers.
"Was that too much?" she asked him. "Oh God, I haven't scared you away, have I?"
He didn't entirely know how to respond to her and so he did the next best thing. He bent down and kissed her, finger tilting her chin up and forcing her lips to meet his. She closed her eyes as he continued to kiss her sweetly and tenderly, silently telling her that what she had said meant everything to him. She meant everything to him.
"Dad…dad…wake up."
Opening his eyes slowly, Tommy didn't want to wake up from the dream that he'd been having. It was the last night they had spent together before he had gone to war. He had come back a different man, but she had still loved him. She had still wanted him, even though he felt as though the laughter in his life had gone.
He looked to Charlotte as she stood on the other side of his desk. She had changed from her school uniform into a simple green blouse tucked into navy trousers. She sometimes looked older than eleven. She had her arms folded and her head was tilted to the side. He must have dozed off to sleep while working.
"Yeah, yer alright, Charlotte?" he asked from her.
"Frances said that your guests have arrived. James…he saw Mosley and he left instantly."
Tommy let out a deep sigh, remembering what Mosley had said to his son before. He had told him that he was never going to be a real member of his family. That was never true, of course, but Mosley had a habit of wanting to turn the knife that he plunged into people's hearts with his words.
"I'll go to them in a minute. Yer go and find yer brother and stay upstairs, alright?"
"Dad, I know who they are. I heard you and mum talking. I read the papers. They're fascists. You told me you weren't one of them."
"And I'm not."
"Then why are they in our house?" Charlotte queried.
"Because I have some business that needs to be dealt with," Tommy said to his daughter. "I don't want yer to get involved, Charlotte, but I need yer to know that I'm not one of 'em, alright? I don't support what they stand for."
Charlotte continued to watch him as he stood up. He pulled the sleeves to his suit jacket down and checked that his tie was neatly knotted before stepping out from behind his desk. He looked to his daughter and saw that she was apprehensive.
"Can you not just stop?" she asked from him, looking at him with an expression that reminded him exactly of his wife. "Stop working…whatever you're doing with them…please."
"Listen to me, Charlotte, darlin'," he said in a gentle voice and took hold of her shoulders softly in his grip. "I will. I promise yer. But for now, these people…I need to do somethin' to stop them."
"You promised that I wouldn't lose you."
"And yer won't," he said, but he wasn't sure if he could keep such a promise. He wanted to, but he was sure of nothing without Elizabeth. "But just for tonight, I need yer to go upstairs and stay with yer brother."
"Fine," she said, her tone almost making him smirk. She sounded more like her mother than she knew. He led her out the study to the foyer. She was about to take the steps up towards her bedroom, but before she could get anywhere, Mosley was in the foyer and speaking in that slow drawl of his.
"I think I might have offended that adopted orphan of yours, Shelby," Mosley commented, spotting how Tommy was still holding his daughter's shoulder. "I mean, I assume it must be terribly sad for him to have lost the woman who took him in."
"His mother," Tommy said.
Mosley scoffed. "Well, not technically," he said. "And this must be your daughter. You know, we met years ago when you were visiting London."
"Can't say I remember," Charlotte said, tone haughty and Tommy knew that if Liz was looking down on them then she would be more than proud. How could she not be?
Mosley laced his hands together behind his back, lips curling into a malicious smirk. "Well, you were only young…but you do look like your mother. Quite the woman she was too…a handful for your father. He never did truly know how to manage her. I suspect it is different with his children."
"Charlotte, go on upstairs," Tommy said to his daughter and she went off. He waited until she was in her bedroom, door close before he looked to Mosley. "She's not part of this and so I would appreciate it if we do not discuss my family while we are conducting business."
"Always so eager to keep business and family life separate," Mosley tsked at him. "Well, I suspect that might be easier without your wife. She…while we never saw eye to eye, I did admire her spirit."
Tommy remained still, staring straight at Mosley. But he didn't say anything. He never wanted to discuss his wife with these people. "We should go in and start the business meeting. I assume everyone is here?"
"Indeed," Mosley said, knowing that he was not going to get anything else out of Tommy.
And so they went to the dining room and prepared to do business. He knew that he had to do business with the devil in order for him to get out one day. He had no other option.
…
"Do you know who is down there?"
"Mosley and his fiancée, Diana Mitford….and I think I saw Jack Nelson go in," James informed his sister. He had found her in her room and had settled down on her bed, laying down as she sat at her small desk and finished reading a chapter of her book. But she'd been reading it for the past ten minutes, her mind focused on what was going on downstairs.
"The man from Chicago?"
"He's working with him on some kind of business deal…shipping something into America," James said, not wanting to tell her that they were drugs.
Charlotte scoffed. "I know it's probably illegal," she said. "People talk at school, but I ignore them. Mum always told me that it would be for the best to ignore them."
"She was right."
"But he's going to get himself into trouble," Charlotte said. "Who else is there?"
"Someone from the IRA."
"The IRA?" Charlotte asked and James studied her. Shaking his head, he knew where her mind was going.
"Yer dad isn't one of 'em," he said to her and Charlotte sighed before moving from behind her desk. She paced around the room and kept her hands on her hips. She wasn't foolish. She was almost twelve and she was no longer a naïve child. She was almost too perceptive for her own good. "Charlotte, he's playin' them. He's got a plan. He's always got a plan."
"Mum just died, James, and he's back to working," she said to her brother. "And working with people who mum said were dangerous. I heard them talking once."
"You shouldn't eavesdrop, you know," James warned her but she shrugged her shoulders, not entirely fussed. "And yer dad…business is how he copes. Yer know that."
"I know," Charlotte said.
"And yer know that all he wants is to keep yer safe," James said to Charlotte.
"He wants to keep us both safe. Why do you think he keeps you in the dark too?"
James smirked at that. "Yeah, but it's because yer mum insisted."
"She was your mum too, James," Charlotte pointed out. "Just like he's your dad too."
"Still feels weird callin' 'im that."
"Well, he sees you as his son," Charlotte promised him.
They lapsed into silence for a while and James eventually told Charlotte to get some sleep, hugging her tightly and kissing her on the forehead. He left her alone and Charlotte looked to her closed door. She knew that she shouldn't go and eavesdrop, but she couldn't help herself. She was worried. She just wanted her dad to stop working. She had seen his work almost tear the family apart one too many times. She remembered when him and her mum had split up briefly. She'd gone to live with Aunt Pol. She remembered the endless fights, Elizabeth telling her husband she was going to get himself killed.
Sneaking down the stairs, Charlotte tip-toed carefully towards the dining room. The door was slightly ajar and she listened in, hearing her father talk about business in Boston before a woman piped up and mentioned a trip to Germany. The room was lit only by lamps, dark shadows flickering over the room.
And then she saw it. She saw her father stand up alongside Mosley. She saw him raise his arm in the air and speak those words she had seen children be told off for in the playground whenever they uttered them. Her eyes widened and she continued to watch as he lowered his arm and looked to the door. His gaze met his daughter's and he shook his head slowly.
"Charlotte," he spoke her name, but she was already turning on her heel and running away and up the stairs.
"I think…perhaps…given the circumstances, that concludes our business tonight," Diana was the one to speak, Tommy ignoring her and storming out of the dining room.
He chased her up the steps, but she had already slammed her bedroom door closed. Tommy tried the handle, but it didn't move. Knocking on the door, he was gentle. "Charlotte, open the door, eh?"
"You lied to me," she snapped from the other side of the wood. "You promised me you weren't one of them."
"I'm not…Charlotte…I promise yer I'm not. I just 'ad to pretend."
"Why are you doing this?" Charlotte demanded from him and he knew she was stood next to the door. "Mum…I watched you two fight so much and I pretend that I don't remember it, but I do. As much as you loved her and she loved you, I remember the fights. She would cry…because she said you pushed things too far…and that's what you're doing here. I don't pretend to understand it all, dad, but I know that you're pushing things and she always said she'd lose you if you went too far. You told me I wouldn't lose you."
Tommy closed his eyes, hand holding the door handle. He felt a tear slip out of his eye and down his cheek.
"Charlotte, just open the door…please…"
"Why? Because you keep lying to me."
"I'm not lying to yer," he assured her. "After this job, I'm done. We're goin' to leave 'ere. We're goin' to leave and go away…me, you and James…I promise you. I swear on your mum's grave, alright?"
He was quiet for a few moments, waiting to hear her reaction. He heard the door open and watched as she stood there, crying in front of him. He went to reach for her, holding onto her tightly and promising her that this was it. He'd be done after this. He had to be. He had to be because he had a family who needed him.
If only he knew that the letter from his doctor downstairs meant that his promises were completely empty.
...
A/N: So just a brief update - not sure how to go with this one. Any thoughts would be appreciate on what you want to see etc. We know how the show ends, but not sure to stick with it. And should there also be some more flashbacks/memories of Elizabeth? As always, your thoughts are really appreciated!