A/N: I am back! I know it's been a while, but like I said at the end of the previous chapter, the app went through a phase and decided to make my life a bit miserable. I will try and get back on track despite having lost my mojo after the recent events. Anyway, on to the chapter now. Enjoy!

~•~

Three words. Eight letters.

It's funny how such a small phrase can change your entire world in seconds. It can bring you joy, fill you with fear and make you doubt yourself and your life.

Three words you didn't even realise you wanted to shout from the rooftops until you just did.

Eight letters. Three words.

~•~

Monday, 10pm, 16th Precinct

"No. NO! You don't get to die on me, you hear that, Amanda Adelaide Rollins?" She yelled as she pressed her hands on top of the other woman's wound. The blood, her soulmate's blood, was pouring out of her in such big amounts that it was now dripping off of the senior detective's fingers. "Not now that I found you. Just keep breathing, please just keep breathing."

She tried to stay awake but the pain of her shoulder was too much for her to withstand. She tried to get a few words out, just three words, in case she didn't come back to her and missed her chance.

"I lo–" It was breathier than she wanted it to be, practically inaudible in anyone else's ears, especially given the commotion that was happening around them.

"Don't speak, love. Keep your energy, please." The tears were streaming down the brunette's face, rolling down her cheeks to her chin and eventually mixing with the blood that wouldn't stop flowing out of the blonde's body.

She had to say those words to her, she needed to get them out before it was too late. So, with the last few strands of energy that she had, she forced herself to open the portal, their portal. Olivia's eyes flushed orange before her, indicating her success.

Liv, I know- I know you can hear me.

Even her thoughts were weak which only caused more tears to escape Olivia's eyes.

Amanda, please don't…

Listen, I don't know– I don't know if I'm gonna make it outta here alive, Liv, but–

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she blinked to bring herself back. She needed to say this.

Stop, Amanda, you are not helping yourself. Please stop, I need you.

You think you do, but you don't. 'Cause you, Olivia Margaret Benson, are… fierce. And that's… that's why I love you.

And then nothing. She lost consciousness.

~•~

Three days ago

Get ahold of yourself, Liv.

She was standing in front of Amanda's apartment door, a single pink rose in her hand, gathering up the courage to finally knock on the goddamn wooden surface and take that woman on the date she had promised.

She was nervous, if her rapidly beating heart under her dark blue dress was any indication. She had told Amanda to wear something fancy when she had asked because she was planning on taking her to the classiest restaurant in Manhattan.

"Liv, don't go all out, there's no need, really." Amanda said over the phone while trying to decide what to wear that same morning.

"If I don't go all out for my soulmate, then who for?" And if she had had her in front of her Amanda was damn sure that she would wink and leave her there, her legs liquid.

She hadn't lied, Liv never lied. She had put herself through great efforts for dates that were pointless, for dates with men that already had a soulmate that they just hadn't met yet but eventually would, because that's how their universe worked. If she didn't put in some extra effort for her own soulmate, what was the point of having one at all?

Just as she was about to knock, the door swung open and she was greeted by… a goddess. Any other word would simply not suffice to describe the woman, her forever, as she was looking at her with a shy smile on her face. Her hair was wavy -she had let it in its natural state- but she had it pulled up in a ponytail. She was wearing a pencil black skirt with a baby blue shirt tucked neatly in it and a pair of black stiletto heels.

"You know, I was gonna let you stand there for a lil' while longer, I thought it was kinda funny, but then I decided to take you out of your misery." She laughed and motioned for Olivia to come in.

She looked down, slightly embarrassed that she had been caught and walked in. "Hi, this is for you." She stretched her hand out and handed the rose she had been toying with for the last five minutes or so to the person she wanted to give it to in the first place. "You look absolutely stunning, by the way." She added as their fingers brushed when Amanda took the rose, bringing it up to her nose to smell it.

"Thank you, it's beautiful. Just like you, by the way." She placed the flower delicately on the kitchen counter and walked up to Olivia placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Hey." She whispered in her ear.

"Hey yourself." Olivia breathed out, resisting the urge to skip the date entirely and just take her to the bedroom right then and there.

"I need a minute to put on some earrings, grab my purse and we are ready to go, sounds good?"

Oh trust me, it sounds great.

"Okay then, be right back." And in a true Olivia Benson way, Amanda winked and walked towards her room, her hips swaying a little more than they normally would.

Sneaky Rollins. Very sneaky.

I know, I intended it to be. Insert a wink here because I am definitely giving you one.

Olivia chuckled and shut off the connection because she wanted this date to be honest and fair and it would be anything but that if they were able to invade each other's thoughts. She wanted this to be spontaneous and real. She wanted to allow herself to feel everything.

"Ready." The blonde emerged from the bedroom, long diamond earrings hanging off her earlobes and a small clutch along with a blazer in her hands.

"Have I mentioned that you look absolutely gorgeous?"

"Only once, but keep saying it, my ego could use the boost after yesterday." And with an eye roll she grabbed her keys and headed towards the door with Olivia right behind her.

Once outside, Amanda was the one who followed Liv to where she had parked the car. And just like last time, Liv opened the door for her despite Amanda's protests. She looked around nervously making sure that no prying eyes noticed them and got in, her lips forming a tight-lipped smile.

Calm down. It's okay, you're gonna be okay. This is New York not Georgia.

Before she even knew it they were in front of the restaurant, Manhattan's finest it seemed, and Liv was opening her door.

"You were awfully quiet in there. Everything alright?" The other woman asked when they walked out of the car and towards the entrance.

"Yeah, yeah I'm alright."

Olivia took the blonde's hand in hers but when she felt Amanda stiffen she halted them to a stop.

"Okay, is it too soon? Is that it? Because if that's the case we can cance–"

"I'm scared." Amanda cut her off. "I'm scared that if someone sees us they will hurt us or– or they will catcall us or try and humiliate us. I grew up in the south, Liv. This is not… acceptable there. It just isn't. I'm just… not used to this." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

Olivia just sighed and gave her a reassuring smile. "Close your eyes."

"Liv–"

"Just– can you for once do as you're told?" She chuckled at the groan her soulmate let out before obliging and closing her eyes.

Olivia cupped both Amanda's cheeks with her palms and brought their lips together in a chaste kiss before stepping back again.

Seeing Amanda closing her eyes even tighter, Olivia shook her head. "Open your eyes, Amanda." And she did, looking around to see if anyone saw them. "See? Nobody cares, nobody spared us a second glance. I know that it's not always like that but it is most of the time. You are safe here Amanda. We are safe."

Now how could she worry over that? Over those deep brown eyes that were staring into her own blues so lovingly that it made her heart melt. She couldn't. She nodded towards Olivia and interlaced their hands.

"Let's go, then, I believe we have a reservation waiting." And with that they walked towards the restaurant, all concerns having been pushed to the back of their minds.

~•~

"Okay, I so need to know more about that, please!" Amanda begged Olivia in the midst of laughter.

"Oh you should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless. The guys at the academy were hazing him like there was no tomorrow. But, hey, it's not my fault, he was the one who dared say that a girl like me could never make it." She shrugged and sipped at her wine, looking at Amanda who was quite amazed by the Olivia Benson she was getting to know.

"And of course you had to be paired with him in class and prove him wrong." She chuckled. "Honestly, that's something I would do which doesn't really say much about you, Benson. You never fail to surprise me."

That's pretty much how the entirety of their date had gone. They shared stories from their respective childhoods -the good ones how ever few they were- their years at the academy and the force. Amanda didn't share about past relationships while Olivia gave only bits and pieces.

They were waiting for desert when the question slipped from between Amanda's lips before she could stop herself. "What did you do when the soulmate mark appeared?"

Olivia didn't expect the question to be popped up so randomly. "At the time I had a boyfriend, a student of my mother's, so it just didn't make sense to me. I was in disbelief so I just–"

"Buried it under layers and layers of makeup?" Olivia nodded.

"I take it you did the same?"

"Honestly, what else could I have done? I just kept you and whatever relationships I had at the time a secret. It was hard to cope with but I managed. Things became easier when I found a girl like me, someone who could relate to my daily torture. That's when things started to look up a little."

The nostalgia that overwhelmed her didn't go unnoticed by Olivia who wanted to know even more, seeing how they seemed like such happy memories for her other half.

"Tell me more about her."

Amanda sighed and drank some of her wine. "Her name was Stella, she was a cheerleader, second in command in the squad. She found out that I liked girls when she caught me looking a little too long towards her way. I did have a teeny tiny crush on her."

The brunette scoffed. "I bet."

"Oh, hush." She scolded her playfully. "Anyway, she cornered me one day, told me that she was like me and we started hanging out which soon turned to more. She was my first, actually. She meant a lot, still does. She and her wife live happily in Seattle and have a kid on the way."

"That sounds lovely." Olivia commented just when the waiter came with their dessert.

"It is." Amanda hummed.

After that they fell into a comfortable silence releasing sounds only to express their appreciation towards the chocolate-flavored desserts that made their taste buds tingle.

Amanda didn't know that love could feel this good. She didn't really know the concept of love all that well, since love only caused pain, and devastation. At least that's what her latest experiences had taught her.

Family love in her mind was in the form of harsh words, tears, screams, belts coming off and coming into contact with naked skin. Lamps being thrown across the room and doors slamming in the middle of the night. Her father's love was saved for horses and her mother's for wine.

Friendship? She had only a handful of those. Most of them betrayed her in one way or another. Some thought of her as a freak, a sinner, the devil even.

Love as in eros? It would never last. Stella was her high school sweetheart that would never be anything but a distant memory, something to look back to when she would be gray and old and very much alone. All those one night stands were just dirty flukes caused by a blood alcohol level three times the legal limit and then there was Juliette. Juliette whose gap she'd never fill and whose heart she'd never have. Juliette who no matter how much she wanted her, knew she could never have her.

"Where did you go?" Olivia asked, seeing that Amanda had completely spaced out.

"Just… thinking about stuff." She said. "I'm really enjoying this, Liv. And I–"

"You can talk to me, you know? Just say it." Olivia prompted her after sensing her reluctance.

She was well aware of how Amanda would often shut down and keep everyone out of her thoughts. She would get stubborn and reckless and she would bottle everything up until she couldn't take it anymore and decided to do something crazy like break her sobriety.

So, no, she couldn't really let that one happen.

"I want to keep enjoying this without the fear of getting hurt, eventually." Amanda finally said. "I can be difficult. I am an addict, I come with baggage, I can be a lot sometimes, Liv. But if you allow me to feel things, if you allow me to get close and get attached and then you back away? It will end me." She took a deep breath and continued. "I need to know that you are all in. I need to be sure before I let my guard down, before I let you know. I need you to tell me that you are sure about us."

Olivia didn't have to think twice before saying the words. "I am all in. I am sure. You are my soulmate, Amanda, I am so sure about us and for the first time it feels right. I am not backing away from this. I want us. Actually, I want you." She said, her tone slightly seductive.

Amanda waved at the waiter to come to their table. "Could we get the check please?"

"Of course." He replied politely.

Olivia smirked at her. "Why the rush?"

"You are not the only one who wants things, babe."

~•~

Clothes were off within minutes after entering for the second time that night Amanda's apartment. Amanda had been thinking about this very moment for a long time now, enough to be extremely eager to get this woman out of her clothes, onto a bed and touch her in every possibly place.

And she did exactly that, dipping her fingers inside of Olivia the moment she felt the other woman was ready. It was better than she had ever thought it would be. Her imagination truly didn't do this sensation, this emotion, justice. But what surprised her more than anything was the color that Olivia's eyes turned when they finally connected on a different level.

"Liv, your eyes." Amanda said.

"Yours, too." Olivia moaned.

They were orange. The blonde, always the one needing to find more information about the strong bond she shared with her soulmate, had read about this. When you and your soulmate make love for the first time your eyes take the color of your bond. Their color was orange, like fire.

Well, makes sense.

After a moment of staring at each other in awe Amanda continued working her fingers in and out of Olivia, her thumb softly stroking Olivia's sensitive bundle of nerves until the other woman came undone in her arms.

The brunette was out of breath and completely taken aback by the force and the power with which her orgasm overcame her. That was nothing like what she had ever experienced before and she finally understood what people meant about their first time with their soulmates.

It was magical. Just magical.

"Did I break you?" Amanda chuckled next to her ear.

"Uh, I," Olivia struggled to find her words. "I'm not sure."

Amanda just laughed softly. "Wow, Olivia Benson speechless. Imma put it in my resume. Pretty sure not many people have achieved that."

"Oh, hush you." Olivia turned to her side and pulled Amanda in hug. "Can I touch you?"

Amanda froze. The last time someone touched her it was violent, painful and tore her apart and she didn't want sudden memories of him flushing before her eyes right now. Not while she was sharing the most sensitive moment with her soulmate.

"Hey, hey, it's okay if you don't want to." Olivia understood. She was a seasoned detective working sex crimes for more than a decade, she knew a victim struggling with sexual contact when she saw one.

"I want to, I just–" she shook her head and let out a frustrated breath. "It's just been a while and I don't wanna disappoint, ya know?"

Wow, Rollins, you couldn't have told a more convincing lie, could you?

Olivia saw right through the lie but she knew that this was still an off-limits subject for them. So she asked her once more if she was sure and when she got a very determined yes she continued and tried to make this for Amanda as memorable as the blonde had made it for her.

And, oh, wasn't it memorable. It was more than. It was absolutely everything.

Take that Deputy Chief Patton.

Amanda thought in a moment of bliss. He did not get to rule her life anymore. No one did.

~•~

Present Day

Olivia couldn't help but go back to that night as she was waiting for Amanda to wake up right beside her bed.

The doctors said that the surgery had gone well and that it was a through and through, it didn't hit any nerves and she would have a full recovery. They had her on "the happy meds", as had Fin informed her, so at least she wouldn't feel much of the pain. Because damn if it didn't hurt like a bitch. Olivia felt it at the same time as she saw Amanda hit the ground and damn if it wasn't the scariest feeling she had ever felt.

"I swear to all that is holy that whoever did this, is gonna pay." She said aloud as she moved closer to hold the blonde's hand.

You are being bossy again. I kinda like it. It's a bit of a turn on. Aaaand now I am horny, great.

Olivia looked up from their joined hands to see Amanda looking right at her. She laughed. She laughed because Amanda was okay. She laughed because Amanda was awake and groggy and very high and she laughed because, apparently, Amanda was horny.

"Gosh, I am so glad you're okay." She stood up and immediately clasped the blonde's face in her hands and brought their lips together.

"Somebody was worried, huh." Amanda said when Liv pulled away.

"Of course I was worried, you got shot, Amanda. You–" she took a deep breath staring right into those blue eyes that held her soul captive. "You could have died."

"But I didn't. And now we get to live happily ever after. Ain't that nice?"

"You are so high right now, it's endearing." Olivia chuckled.

"Ha-ha, I am not that high." She rolled her eyes. "So tell me, what did the doctors say? Do we know who did this? Where's Fin? Did anyone else get hurt?" Amanda stifled a yawn and looked towards Olivia again who was sitting right by her legs at the end of the hospital bed, her hand still in hers.

"It was a through and through. No damage was done."

"Thank God!" Amanda exclaimed.

She was so adorable right now. "We were waiting for you to wake up so we could ask you a few questions, see if anyone has a grudge or anything like that. You do have a history with pissing off the wrong people."

"That I do."

So adorable.

"Fin is outside with the rest of the squad and no one else was hurt. Apparently you were the lucky one."

"I'm glad that everyone is safe, at least that's something."

After a moment of silence Olivia spoke again. "So, I think Munch knows."

"Munch knows a lot of things, Liv. You need to be spes- spa- spesi- what's the word?" Amanda frowned.

"It's specific." Olivia giggled. "And I think he knows about us."

"Oooh, yeah that he does know. He's known for like a year or so. He was pretty cool about it. That old man is very intuitive. It's like he is my soulmate. He knows everything. Munch is like… a walking Wikipedia." Amanda said in a super serious voice that made Olivia burst out in laughter.

"God I'm so thankful for morphine right now."

"Glad to be entertaining you, my love."

At the mention of the four-letter word Olivia held her breath. Did Amanda remember what happened right before she passed out? Did she mean it or was it words of a dying woman? Because if they were… well it would pretty much suck.

She was high. But not that high.

"I meant every word, you know? I do love you, Olivia. Very much. And I know it's too soon and that you might need some time to process it. You don't have to say it back or–"

"I love you, too."

"You do?" Amanda asked, full of hope.

"I do. So much."

Well, ain't that the most amazing shitty day ever.