Sometimes under all the rubble I catch glimpses of Edward and me.
Sometimes when I look into his eyes I see him and me driving in the rain laughing and finding each other, discovering simple nothings about him and questions, those endless questions he had for me. How my favorite color was his eyes, how we had so much in common. How I used to dream and pray at night that maybe there was a god and he had frozen Edward in time so that he could find me and love me, because no one else could have loved me so righteously, so timelessly like he had.
And when we kissed, when we touched. It was easy to believe I would fight wars for him. His hands moving over me like antidotes to all the mindless pain. When he kissed me it was easy to believe that we could make it. He was slipping silent prayers into my mouth asking, begging me for forever, I could taste it, I could cry forever in between his lips for a chance to love him like I used to.
And I could, I could tell him right now. Edward this is what i want, i'm not sure i've ever wanted anything before. If this is what longing is, I must've never desired anything before I met you. And you've hurt me. You know that these wounds cant be stitched up like nothing. But I'm willing to try. If you'll stand by me, and stay with me during all the nights that it feels like my chest is ripping itself open, if you'll hold me when I forget who I am, when I'm overtaken by the ghost of my memory. If you'll promise to never leave. Even if I'm not who I used to be. Even if I scream at night and forget how to be gentle. If you tell me right now that you'd rather have me than any honor or right. That you love me more than anything that could keep us apart. Then everything will be okay.
And I couldn't. I could just slip away. Fall away and turn on this.
I could and I couldn't.
Could and couldn't, could and couldn't could and couldn't.
And I couldn't.
And when I pulled away he knew that.
AN; in the process of writing a new chapter but this was the beginning and i wanted to just give you this now, and leave you on a little cliffhanger…