Chapter 26

Still on Sunday

That evening Mr. Bennet knocked on his wife's door. She chuckled.

'Thomas, I have never known you like this since we got married. You are simply insatiable.' Her husband crimsoned.

'Do you mind very much?' She hesitated a moment but said:

'No, I do not mind. It is… nice.'

'Thank you. Actually, I just wanted to talk more. I want you to know everything. I know I have not been a good husband to you.'

'No, you were not.' She said with a sigh. 'I think we are both to blame though. I did not help the situation. Stupidly, we never talked and we grew apart. I see that now. Although you kept visiting me, we were not as one.'

'Still, I cannot apologize enough. Today at the dinner table, I could have spared them their gasps if I had cared to tell them before. I felt ashamed that Lizzy had to doubt me, and I did not even know it. And certainly, I could have corrected you over the years. It was a source of amusement for me. Please forgive me.'

'Well, we cannot change the past, Thomas. All I ever wanted was your love and respect. I pretended I did not care, but it hurt. With years, I just got used to your ways. I know I am not clever and I am not well-read.'

'No-no, the shame is mine to bear, my dear; it was all me. I cannot think of my actions but with abhorrence. I want you to know that I do love you, Fanny. And you have my respect. I do not need you to be a scholar. I was insufferable. You are my dear wife. I should have protected you.' Mrs. Bennet had tears in her eyes, but she stayed silent. She did not know how to be happy although she drank in her husband's words. She had her head on her husband's chest. He was stroking her hair.'

'Have I told you that you have beautiful hair? I have always loved it. I hate that you hide it behind your cap.' That made Fanny laugh.

'Husband, do not be daft. This is tradition. It shows I am a wife.'

'But I know you are my wife; what more, everybody does.' His wife the next morning wore a small lace ribbon in her hair. When Mr. Bennet saw it, he gasped, and the biggest grin appeared on his face. In turn, she blushed.

'Before we fall asleep, did you understand everything about the money?'

'Yes, I think so.'

'Good. According to Edward, in about ten years, there will be a surplus of 2,500 pounds on the account again. If I am not around, you may keep it or distribute it among the girls. Possibly give some to those daughters who are not doing so well. This does not take away from your ability to draw your money from the account. I suggest you do that quarterly.'

'Oh, Thomas. You have no idea what a relief this whole thing is. When you showed me the contract with Mr. Collins, that already calmed me. The things you managed to put in it are a small fortune. But this? How could I be so silly to think that you would not put my dowry in the bank to be grown?! I am just thankful for our daughters. 3,000 pounds, each! That is fifteen thousand when you think about it. If we had only one child, that would be a very good dowry. Wait until I tell Mrs. Lucas! She will be green with envy.' Her husband chuckled at her sentiment. 'And you promised more, from Longbourn's income. That was a nice touch. It would be only as if they were still with us. I understood that.' She smiled satisfied.'

'Yes, well, that was my idea at least, my commitment. I wanted to offer them something myself. I could add to each the five hundred from the savings account and the hundred per annum. You are right, it will be like they are still with us… I think one of the reasons why I did not want to deal with the issue of their dowries is that I cannot imagine them leaving. As much as the noise they make sometimes gets on my nerves, it will be very hard to see them go… I think Jane will leave us soon.'

'Oh, Thomas. I did not realize it would be hard on you, too. You often seemed like you did not care.' He bowed his head in shame.

'I do love them, Fanny.'

'Of course, you do.'

'Or it may only be that I do not like change.' He shrugged.

'Do not say that.' He sighed.

'Do you think this Bingley fellow is worth our Jane?'

'I like him. He is a happy one. Our Jane is so serious sometimes. He would be good for her. Jane said that his sister, Miss Bingley, wanted him to stay in London. By the looks of it, he did not agree. Did you see how he looked at our girl in the church?'

'Yes, that is why I decided to address things today.'

Tuesday 10th December 1811

By then most trees outside had shed their leaves and prepared for the big sleep. The sun shone from afar so brightly yet coldly in the morning that only forms could be seen, no colours.

After a short, polite conversation with the matron of the house and a few unexpected words exchanged with Mr. Bennet, who appeared in the parlour to greet him, and after presenting the family with his sweet gift from London, Bingley sat in the window alcove with Miss Bennet and quietly talked. There was a constant demure smile on Jane's face.

'So, you are back.'

'Yes, I am back… Did you doubt me?' Jane shrugged and looked out the window. She had to squint so strong was the sun.

'After receiving your sister's note, I did not know what to think.'

'I hope you burnt that note. My sister closed Netherfield on her own accord.'

'Did she want to keep you in London?' Bingley winced and looked down.

'Yes, she did,' he answered reluctantly.

'Yet, you are here.' He looked up at her.

'You have good observation skills, Miss Bennet.' They both chuckled.

'I have often given in to her. It was mostly easier. Maybe that was not a very good strategy after all as it made her think that she could manipulate me now. Netherfield and what I have found here,' he looked at her with meaning, 'are important to me. I was not going to let her make my decisions for me.'

'I am glad for you.'

'Thank you.'

'So, what is it that you have found here?' Bingley was surprised but liked her banter.

'You would make me say it?' She nodded.

'I have found you. The possibility of you.' She did not expect him to answer her. She turned crimson and had to look away.

'You were brazen to ask, do not turn away now that I answered. I would know if you had missed me.' He had to keep his voice low and he could not reach out to turn her face back. He had to wait. Finally, she did. She turned back and looked him in the eye.

'I hoped you would prove me right and come back.' He swallowed at her answer. Lord, I could drown in her eyes! He nodded to her.

'Will you not be bored alone in that big house?'

'I do not think so. Darcy recommended some books,' he noticed Miss Elizabeth looked up at the mention of his name, 'about estate management that I bought while in London. I have plenty to study. I also plan to work with my steward. In London, I have negotiated a deal with the owner. I will have the drainage problem solved on the property, so that will be a project to plan and work on. I am planning also to ask the neighboroughing gentlemen to show me around their lands so that I could learn from them. In fact, I will be so busy that I will struggle to find time to relax and socialize.'

'Oh, poor man.' He made a funny face. Then with a silent question, he looked at Elizabeth. Jane was surprised, but shook her head and mouthed, 'not good.' Bingley nodded. He stood and asked Miss Elizabeth if he could join her. She, confused, nodded. He sat at the table with her. Jane followed.

…

'Miss Elizabeth, may I be candid with you? I mean I am aware that it is not my place, but I cannot be silent when I see you suffer so.'

'Mr. Bingley?'

'I know you are hurting, and if it is any consolation, so does my friend.' Elizabeth looked at Mr. Bingley in surprise. She then looked at Jane, she nodded to her. 'I am not blind, Miss Elizabeth. I could see that you bloomed accepting my friend's attentions. It might seem like I do not know what is happening around me, but that would be your mistake.' He winked at her. She gave him a half smile. 'Anyway, as I was saying… while in London, I tried to knock some sense into him, but he was not ready to hear me.'

'He is hurting?'

'Of course. He is good at hiding his feelings, but I know him too well… I left him to it. The best thing at times like this is to leave him alone. Alone with his thoughts. What I am trying to say is that Darcy is not a spontaneous fellow. He sits on a decision and chews on it to death. His decisions are usually good ones, and that is because he examines them from all angles. He was ever so.'

'What are you trying to say?'

'Well, I do not want to get your hopes up, but it would be also too early to give up on him. He did not expect to meet you. He did not expect to feel what he feels for you. That is, it was out of the blue. He does not do well at things like that. I do not think he has ever felt this way. At least I have never seen it. If you add to this that all his life he had to listen to what is expected of him… well, you can understand. He is confused, in pain, and he needs to clear his head. He went to Pemberley. That is a good choice for him. His sister is there; he had missed her. He also loves that place. It will calm him down, and he will think.'

'So, you are saying that he may yet come back?'

'Of course, I cannot guarantee that. Let's hope that the impression you made is strong enough for him to come back. I really hope I did not speak out of turn, Miss Elizabeth.'

'Thank you. I promise I will not let this raise my hopes. As much as I do not want to hope though, I am always imagining that he will come. For a while, I can give him this. Then, I have to protect my heart and let him go. Thank you for this talk. You are a good man, Mr. Bingley.' Jane just sat there. If he did nothing else, only this, for her sister, she would love this man, she thought.

Miss Bennet, can I offer you some bitter chocolate?' Bingley gestured toward the sweets already on a plate. Jane beamed at him.

…

Some words were taken from Pride and Prejudice

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