~chapter two~

august

Angie and Dave are my mom's friends. Maybe best friends but I'm not sure.

Mom acts different around them.

She's more guarded, I think.

But we love them and they love us. We come by for birthday parties. They invite us over for dinner. Mom goes out for coffee with Angie. Dave's the closest thing I have to a father figure.

And Gwen and I are friends. Sorta.

She runs with a different crowd. Volleyball. Cheerleaders. And despite all the lamenting our mothers went through when she gave the news that she made it in, they're proud of her.

In recent years, football's been picked up at the high school. Soccer's faded into a background sport.

If there's anything I inherited from my dad, besides his looks, it's his soccer skills.

But that's besides the point. I think Angie wanted us to become best friends. Maybe begin a love story, like Mom and Dad's.

She doesn't really understand that it wasn't a love story. It was a tragedy.

Gwen's a nice girl. She really is. Pretty in the cute, sweet way. She looks a lot like her mom. Except she's got her dad's personality and smile. And that's all nice but it isn't for me.

Gwen liked me back in middle school. I'm not sure if she still likes me after I refused to go with her last year to the Spring Fling. I didn't want to go at all but I specifically didn't want to go with her.

Mom and I stayed home that night. We watched all the Mission Impossible and James Bond movies over the weekend. We didn't talk about Gwen or the Spring Fling.

I'm not sure why we're going over to their house. It's nowhere near dinnertime and it's a Saturday, better spent sleeping in and begging Mom for a dog. Not that I didn't do either of those things but still.

"Why are we going over to Angie and Dave's?" I ask, for probably the thirtieth time since she dragged me out of bed and announced, "We're going over to Angie and Dave's!"

"Because we haven't seen them in a while," she says, for probably the thirtieth time.

"That's a lie. We saw them last week."

She shrugs. "That's a long time, kiddo." She says it nonchalantly but her knuckles are far too white on the steering wheel for her to be anything but calm.

I drop the subject.

We pull up to their house, a lovely little suburban home with a bright red door and little red shutters around the windows. There are flowers in the sills and a mat in front of the door that says "Welcome to Our Nest" in cursive.

I've always liked Angie and Dave's home. It's always just a little cluttered and it always smells like bread and patchouli. And it's always so loud and full of people. It's never lonely.

When we ring the doorbell, their dog, Charlie, barks and someone from inside yells, "Mo-o-o-m! Someone's at the do-o-o-r!" I glance up at Mom and she smiles back.

After a couple of seconds of yelling and squabbling later, the door swings open to reveal Angie, a baby on her hip and a smile splitting her face. "Autumn!" she cries. "August!" She reaches out and hugs each of us with one arm. From her hip, Paige gurgles at us. "Well, this is quite the surprise!" she says, ushering us in.

I glance up at Mom again but she's intentionally keeping her eyes on Angie. "Yeah. We were in the neighbourhood and figured we'd stop by."

"Oh, that's so sweet." Angie leads us into the kitchen where a batch of muffins sit on the cooling rack. "That's banana cinnamon chocolate chip. Made with flaxseed and almond milk," she informs us. "Why don't you take a plate up to Hunter and Andrew's room?" She loads a plate up and shoves it at me.

I look at Mom as I take it. She didn't sleep well last night. It's not just the bags under her eyes that she covered up with makeup that clue me in. Her light stayed on all night and shined into my room. I take the plate upstairs and let her stay with Angie.

I knock on the boys' room before letting myself in. "Your mom sent me up here with muffins," I told them.

They jump up from the floor, controllers flying from their hands as they crowd around me. "Yo! August!" they cry.

I grin and hold the plate out for them to take a muffin from. Hunter bites into one. Andrew sniffs his before setting it back on the plate. He doesn't like bananas.

I sit with them on the floor and watch them play a racing game. It's set in Australia. Together, Hunter and I polish off the plate of muffins. Andrew slides under the bed and emerges with a bag of sour strips. "Don't tell Mom," he tells me between chomps. I cross my heart.

After exhausting the racing game for about twenty minutes, they switch to LEGO Star Wars. Twenty minutes of that goes by before they're done with it.

"Let's play Madden!" Hunter holds up the box.

"No, let's play Gang Beasts!" Andrew's already inserting the disk in.

"No! I want to play Madden!" He's on the verge of hysterics.

"Well, you don't have to play Gang Beasts with me! August can play with me!" Hunter's reaching around him to take the disk out. Andrew's insistent.

Within seconds it evolves into a full out brawl. I pick the plate up and walk away to stand at the door, out of harm's way. They're screaming and grunting and rolling on the floor, twisting each other's nipples and biting each other's fingers. It's madness.

"What are you doing?"

They stop and put their differences aside to glare at Gwen. "None of your business!" they both snap.

Gwen glares back. "Well, stop. I can hear you through the floor."

Maturely, they both stick their tongues out at her.

Gwen rolls her eyes and stalks away.

I leave not long after her, plate still in hand. I go back downstairs to the kitchen. Mom and Angie are outside on the patio, talking.

Mom's crying.

We lock eyes as I pass by the window but I continue on to the kitchen. I wash the plate. Dry it. Put it away.

I do the rest of the dishes in the sink as well. A couple of forks. Some bottles and cups and mugs. A couple plastic plates and bowls with the remains of breakfast on them. A pan with scrambled eggs still in it.

By the time I'm wiping the counter down, Mom and Angie come back in. Paige is on Mom's hip this time. "Oh, August, you didn't have to clean the kitchen for me," Angie says.

"It's fine," I reply. "I don't mind."

Angie laughs. "Well, I ought to have you over more often then."

Mom and I laugh.

"Well, I think we'll be on our way." Mom passes Paige back to Angie, who reaches out and grips the loose strands of Angie's hair. "All right," Angie says. She reaches out and hugs both of us tightly. "Drive safe, okay?"

Mom nods and smiles. It looks weak. "I will. See you later. Bye, Paigey!" We wave to them as we let ourselves out. We take the pavement to their drive and get in Mom's red sports car.

We drive back home.

Mom turns the radio up.

I look out the window and pretend not to notice as tears slip down her face.

She drops me off at home but before I get out, I reach over and squeeze her shoulder. "I love you," I whisper.

She nods. She's still crying. "I know." It comes out broken. "I love you too, Auggie. So much."

There's something in the way she says it that worries me. That makes me think of all the things that we aren't supposed to mention in our house.

I want to cling to her shirt and beg her not to go to work. Not to leave. To just go with me inside and to watch a movie or take a nap or anything except go away.

But I don't because I'm just being silly. So I just squeeze her shoulder again and kiss her cheek. "Drive safe," I tell her.

I get out.

I go inside.

I watch her drive away.