A/N 1:
25 Chapters into this one-shot, deserves a brief recap.
The Thanksgiving Arc was Thanksgiving of last year.
The Missions Arc took us from that Thanksgiving to August of this year.
The Salvation Arc covered the end of August through September.
The New Beginnings Arc is taking us into October.
In the last chapter, Casey and Carina, in between all of the sex, let us know that Sarah and Chuck are talking and bonding, but also working through the issues of the past. Their road is never smooth, but they persevere. There is romance, but it is still a roller coaster ride.
BTW, the reason these chapters are around 1500 to 2000 words, is that is all I can crank out in an evening, which is when I can do my writing. I just try to put them out, as frequently as I can.
A/N 2: Don't own Chuck, just borrowing him and the gang for this mess.
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As October began, Sarah continued to be on medical leave, and had decided to convalesce at the Villa, because why not? It seemed to be where she needed to be. Her future was still uncertain, most of her physical trauma had healed, but the long-term prognosis regarding her hearing, and her headaches, was still out. The headaches were less frequent, The hope was that they would disappear forever.
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"So this isn't Tarzan?" Sarah asks, pulling away from his side and looking up at him dubiously.
"No," Chuck gleefully explains, bouncing a little on the couch where they were seated. "It's George, George of the Jungle."
"But he is an idiot." she points out.
"Exactly!" He joyfully exclaims. "A total lovable goofball idiot. Brilliantly played by Brendan Frasier, if I may add."
Sarah chuckles, "And this is a good thing?"
"Sure it is, look how the apes love him." He laughs, pointing at the screen.
Then he wiggles his eyebrows, "Does he remind you of any other loveable goofballs in your life?"
Sarah laughs at that, and slaps him lightly on the chest. "I can think of someone. Although the vine swinging does bring back the memories of a certain heroic idiot swinging on a Buy More banner." She pauses and adds, in a serious tone, her eyes starting to tear, "My heart stopped when I first saw you jump."
"Hey, hey," he lightly says, "But it all turned out ok. I saved the day. More or less. Kind of sort of." He grinned, catching her eyes.
She wipes her eyes, and emphatically says, "You never stayed in the car."
Chuck laughs his response, holding his palms up in defense, "But it was never safe in the car."
Sarah wetly laughs, and wipes her eyes clear. "It was so crazy. I was supposed to be protecting you, and you always ended up saving me."
Chuck pulls her into his arms, embracing her tightly. He kisses her forehead and quietly states, "Always have, always will. It's you and me, together. I doubt if we are going to be fighting any more bad guys, but life will throw crap at us. And it will be us, dealing with it together.
Sarah reaches her hand around the back of his neck, and pulls his face to hers. "I like that. Us, together," she says, her lips brushing his. She kisses him passionately, pulling him down on top of her, manifesting the concept of us.
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Sarah was having difficulty falling asleep, as her mind was filled with thoughts about her future.
And if she was thinking about the future, it meant her mind was filled with thoughts of Chuck.
She chuckled to herself, as she thought, He is such a goof. Remembering his silly comments and acting like an an ape, tickling her, when they finally got around to watching the movie.
She hugged her pillow tightly, snuggling into it, a subconscious expression of her desire for him.
Chuck just makes everything better. It's crazy that we couldn't, that we didn't just give into it sooner. Accept that our relationship had to be. I still don't know what I am going to do, and I still am figuring out who I am, but it sure seems like Chuck needs to be in it. I just need to make sure that I get my own stuff figured out, so I can be with him, without all my baggage messing up this situation.
She tossed and turned, settling on her other side, still hugging her pillow, the unsettledness of her rest, reflected the unsettledness of her mind.
Ok, so other than Chuck, what do I want in my future? I think I know the ins and outs of a job with the Agency. If I go that route, I just need to make sure they don't assign me to the middle of nowhere.
A job in the private sector is a bit more unclear. Working for a corporation would probably be similar to working for the agency. And, if I go into the private sector, I can always choose to work and live where I want. And, if I try to be some kind of consultant, work for myself in some fashion, I could mostly pick and choose where I live.
She rolled on her back and slapped her hands against the sheets, in minor frustration.
But, I am getting ahead of myself. I won't know what the agency option will be, until I finish my medical leave. And the private sector will reveal what my options are, when I am ready to start exploring them.
So that brings me right back to Chuck.
She turned on her side and snuggled back into her pillow.
Why do I seem to have so much turmoil, when being with Chuck seems like an easy decision?
Why do I seem to have so much crap in my brain, to work though, before I feel comfortable with myself. Before I feel like I truly know myself. Damn them, she slapped the bed, damn Graham and damn my Dad, for putting me through so much bullshit.
Then she untensed and smiled to herself, and Chuck is so good to help me work through it. True to his word, he is being my personal baggage handler. He just didn't know I had a C-130 full of baggage.
She laid on her back and huffed.
We have our time in Burbank as a foundation, as if anything as unstable and tumultuous should be called a foundation. How do you build upon something filled with such uncertainty and pain?
But God, did I feel alive, in ways I never had. Chuck's eyes somehow looked into my soul, found something redeemable, and pulled me forth into the world. I never conceived it was possible, and I sure did a crappy job dealing with it. Sure the whole handler thing played into it, but if I am going to be honest with myself, I didn't know how to cope with it. All of the things, about myself and relationships, that I should have been allowed to figure out in high school, suddenly burst forth. A butterfly, cocooned for too long, finally freed, but injured by the disrupted process.
She frowned, Chuck didn't make it easy at first, as he pulled and pulled at me, his own needs for a loving partner driving him. He didn't realize that I was incomplete, not fully formed, and malformed in the process. I couldn't handle being out of the cocoon yet. But now that he knows, now that he more fully understands who I am and what I am still missing, he has been wonderful.
So why am I still uncertain? I wish I had a Sarah manual, with a troubleshooting guide. If I am having problem A, it would tell me what I need to do to fix it. Instead I am digging around in my brain, using random tools, and hoping somehow my efforts will fix something.
And boy do we need to fix all of our worries and insecurities about each other. Those conversations, where we allow each other to voice our worries and concerns, are so painful sometimes. But I have to believe that they are stickers, buried in our skin, and we will feel so much better, after the pain of exposing them and pulling them out.
But, I feel like we are…. I am getting closer. We know what broken Sarah and broken Chuck are like together. And, she shuddered, broken Sarah and broken Chuck apart is pure misery. We finally are getting to experience what it is like to have the more whole versions of ourselves together.
For the past month, I have pretty much seen that Chuck needs to be in my life. I guess I need a little more time to experience being together, and finally give myself the confidence that this really is as great as it seems to be.
She snuggled back into her pillow, her mind somewhat calmed, and drifted off to sleep thinking about how great it seems to be.
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A/N 3:
Okay, that's what I can get done today. I wanted to quickly give you some Charah, after Chasey took over the last chapter. We have a few more installments of the Charah rollercoaster to come.
Reviews are noted and appreciated. Chuck Fanfiction over on Facebook, is where it is happening.