AN: Sorry for the later-than-usual post (once again). As I was editing this week, the first half of this chapter went through a HUGE revision. The chapter was already done but as I did my final edit, I noticed it needed a whole rewrite. The closer we get to the end of this story, the more I need to go back to revise some things. We are closer to the end than we are to the beginning, everyone. Thank you so much for staying with me!
Warning/spoilers: oral sex, swallowing, breast play, multiple orgasms
-Weeks Later-
Overnight bag in hand, I arrived at Namjoon's front door, knocking excitedly late at night.
The door flung open no more than a couple of seconds later, deep dimples welcoming me.
Once inside, Namjoon took the bag from me and pulled me in for an open-mouth kiss.
I kicked off my shoes as the door shut behind us. My tongue welcomed the intrusion as I let out a deep moan.
The tension between the two of us the entire day had been intense. Due to the online concert taking place tomorrow, all week long, we hadn't seen much of each other. The most we had seen of one another was today at rehearsal. But because of the dozens of eyes and cameras surrounding us, we were forced to keep a distance. We stole a few glances at each other but ensured we didn't get too close. For hours we were around each other but had not touched or spoken much. Suffice it to say, the spark between us continued to ignite and felt like it would explode at any moment.
At the chance I had to leave the stadium, I did Namjoon's text came no more than a minute after I announced I was leaving.
MONI: Be at my house in two hours. If I don't answer, use the code. No nightwear. Just you.
I must have read it at least dozens of times, imagining his deep, demanding tone in my ear. My pussy had been wet ever since.
I hadn't fully listened to his instructions, though. I did bring an overnight bag with me that contained any necessities I would need. I didn't intend to come back home before the concert, so I would be getting ready at Namjoon's place tomorrow. However, I did listen to him and brought no nightwear. I fully believed him that there would be no need for clothes tonight.
Namjoon began to walk us toward his room. I wasn't good at walking backward, so I held onto his shoulders and jumped onto his chest. I had climbed on him enough by now that his body had learned to catch me nicely.
Our lips did not detach the entire walk to his room. He set my bag down somewhere and softly set me down on the bed. It was much smoother than the first time he had placed me on his mattress weeks ago.
"What's so funny?" he asked between kisses.
Damn, I hadn't realized I was laughing. "Nothing," I lied. "Just keep kissing me," I pleaded, not wanting to ruin the magic. We had gone so long without touching; I didn't want this to stop.
"Did you get a nap in?" he asked, his hands taking hold of my shirt and pulling.
I knew what he was implying. "Don't worry. Your cock is a good source of dopamine," I said as I pulled his pants, my hand making its way to his thickness.
He let out a grunt as he pulled off my pants and panties at the same time. His long fingers took a handful of my ass and squeezed. "Your mouth has gotten filthier." He pushed us further into the bed, making me settle in the middle with him between my legs.
I let go of his cock and felt it move on its own, pleading for me for attention. I pushed up against his chest to sit up. "You complaining about my mouth?" I questioned as my mouth took hold of that space between his neck and ear. The spot I learned drove him nuts.
He let out a groan, a hand of his reaching up to take hold of my tit to squeeze. "Only because it's not around my cock right now." He dived in and took a mouthful of me. His tongue darted out to run circles around my nipple.
I let out a squeak, scratching at his back when I felt his teeth lightly graze my skin.
Namjoon wasn't much of a dirty talker with me. Around his guy friends, I would overhear him and make nasty jokes, but around girls, he was always mindful. He had loosened up around me in the last couple of years, but since we had become an item his language was getting dirtier. It was definitely a turn-on.
He was in the middle of worshiping my breast when I surprised him and rolled him off me. I settled myself on his lap, his cock standing straight up.
I reached between us, taking his member and navigating it to where I needed it. "I'll do it once it tastes like us." I descended on him before he could ask what I meant. My pussy stretched and slightly burned at the sensation. His cock was still too big for my pussy to take without foreplay.
His hands came to my hips, helping me take and gripping me tightly. "You're tight."
Maybe I should have stimulated myself before taking him in or at least used lube, but it was too late for that, he was already inside. And while I felt slight discomfort, the sting felt also incredible. I took a breath, looking down at the glorious creature underneath me. The dragon eyes were staring up at me, the sweat dripping off his body felt too delicious to be coming off a normal human, and the grip holding me felt more like claws. This was the kind of sex that got me off the most; the kind that I tended to prefer when I was in deep need of release: the wild kind. And judging by the look of pure ecstasy coming from Namjoon's face, he needed to tap into that wilder part of himself.
His hands came to the swell of my breasts and traveled down to my nipples. He took each of them into his fingers and rolled the buds, sending quivers right into my pussy.
I used my knees to move, going slow at first. My body needed to get used to him before I could go at my preferred pace, which tended to be rough and fast. Thankfully, the discomfort quickly faded and all I could feel was pleasure. I quickened my movements.
Namjoon's hands were still on my hips, supporting me more than controlling me. "You look damn good riding me, girl."
My movements only became more erratic with his praise, feeling my orgasm approaching.
He sat up, his mouth coming to my tit again. He slurped and feasted on it like a starved man. I had no milk to give, but I believed if he continued the way he did, some would appear.
His hips came up to meet mine, his thighs slamming into mine. I could see a vein appear across his neck. He was getting close, but I didn't want him to.
"Not yet," I said breathlessly, my fingers scratching at his chest. "Me first."
He took a deep breath to still himself. Then moved one of his hands between us. His thumb touched my clit, pushing me to the brink. I let out a cry as blackness came over.
As my orgasm took over, Namjoon's thrusts continued, but at a slower pace.
"Close," his husky voice let out once my body had settled against his.
I pulled out of him, quickly, and made my way down his cock. My lips engulfed his thickness, and I could see his eyes roll back once he was in my mouth.
The taste of my tangy sweetness combined with his salty, sour goodness was enough to make me want to cum again. I controlled myself and focused on bringing him to his peak. Keeping eye contact with him, I pulled back, pulling his cock out of my mouth with a pop. "We taste fucking good," I mumbled and went back to dining on his gorgeous cock.
He let out a moan, the vein in his neck coming back. "Shit. I can't hold it."
I took him in both my hands and pumped him. "I want to drink you," I said desperately.
He looked ready to lose it. I stroked him faster and reached underneath him to squeeze his jewels. He let out a grunt and pushed into my throat, his stomach hitting my nose. I let out a gagging sound and the noise seemed to do it for him. A warm, fuzzy liquid jetted down my throat. I drank as much as I could.
Namjoon let out a grunt, pulled back, and pushed in a little at my mouth once more before falling back onto the bed. His massive cock exited my mouth and a copious amount of my spit mixed with some of his milky cum pulled out as well. The string of spit connected his dick to my mouth. I used the mix of liquids to stroke his cock. He twitched a bit at the overstimulation.
"You're gonna kill me," he let out, taking deep breaths in trying to calm himself.
I giggled and crawled my way up his body, my body craving cuddles.
Usually, after sex, we shared a calm moment before starting up again, but Namjoon's kisses and caresses were bluntly telling me he was ready for round two.
He was needing to blow off steam. It wasn't just about needing my body or the stress of the online concert, but something else was bothering him. I wasn't shy about sex and used it plenty of times myself as a stress reliever. I didn't mind him using my body to release some of my pent-up emotions. Especially when he made sure I was always left me plenty satisfied.
His palms took hold of the back of my thighs, bending them until they reached my shoulders. My legs were spread before him, allowing my pussy to be in full display for him. His mouth came down on my cunt and ate me like a starved man.
This was going to be a long night. And I was going to fucking enjoy every moment of it.
The woodsy scent in the air was the first thing I caught on to as I woke up. The scent was too powerful so I knew I wasn't in my own home. I had slept in this room a handful of times already to know I was in Namjoon's bedroom. Last night had gone for hours. It had taken a few hours for Namjoon to have quenched his thirst. While I was fully taken over desire along with him, in the back of my mind, I knew Namjoon was dealing with something—news he must have gotten after I had left.
As I opened my eyes, I found Namjoon was not in bed with me. This came as no surprise. Artists rarely got a full night's rest right before a show.
I rolled out of the big bed, my body feeling a little sore from the night's events. I walked towards the full-length mirror to witness the aftermath. Even with the poor light, I could easily detect small bruising along my thighs and hips. My breasts were slightly red and a bit swollen.
There was nothing about last night that I hadn't enjoyed, but I knew this was going to be a heavy topic this morning. I mindfully got myself ready.
I went over to my overnight bag and pulled out a fresh pair of panties and then looked around to see what I could put on since I hadn't brought any nightwear. I found one of Namjoon's many Fear of God tees and slipped it on.
Once clothed, I made my way out of the room in search of him.
I spotted him in his dining room, sitting in his reading chair which was surrounded by dozens of books. He was deep in thought reading when I found him, not hearing me come in. He was hunched over, elbows laid on his legs, reading a heavy book. He was sporting his thick, reading glasses that made him look the perfect combination of adorable and hot.
I wanted to just stand there and absorb him, but when he began to roll his neck around and stretch out his neck, I instinctively walked over. His neck and shoulder problems would always be an issue for him but he would never want to make a big deal out of it.
It wasn't until he felt my hands on his shoulders that he noticed me.
He jumped, startled, but quickly settled. "Ah, you scared me."
"Sorry," I said, continuing my massage. "How long have you been up?"
Namjoon closed his book and settled on the chair, giving in to my touch. "Too long."
I found a nasty knot. The moment I applied the right amount of pressure on him, he let out a grunt. Yeah, something was definitely up. "Want to talk about it?"
"What do you mean?" he asked with some hesitation.
He needed honesty. "Your body is a bundle of stress. We hardly spoke last night. Not to mention, while I enjoyed every bit of it, you were a little rougher than usual."
At this Namjoon's entire body snapped towards me, his eyes frantically searching my body.
I had slight regret in admitting this but knew that if I wanted Namjoon to be honest with me, I needed to be as well. There was no way he was going to let me in unless I gave a little.
"I'm fine," I said once he spotted a large bruise right below the hem of the t-shirt. When he didn't turn away and looked to be remorseful, I took his chin in my hand and forced him to look up at me. "You did nothing I didn't enjoy."
He opened his mouth and looked to say two words I really didn't want him to.
I stopped it with a gentle kiss. "If you want to make it up to me, you can talk to me about what's going on."
He let out a sigh and settled back onto his seat.
I let go of his hand and walked over to the armchair adjacent to it, one closer to the kitchen.
"We're doing a few shows in Vegas in April," he said.
Immediately, I felt thrilled about the news. It was something the company had been aiming for, some of the guys had shared the possibility of it some weeks ago with me. They had been excited about it, so I was puzzled as to why Namjoon didn't look over the moon.
I didn't say a word, however, allowing Namjoon plenty of time to voice his thoughts to me. After a moment, he seemed to be ready. "We have four shows here in Seoul, but I wanted to do more. Maybe some in Busan, but higher-ups want to wait until after Seoul to see if regulations were to lighten up. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy we'll be going to Vegas, but…." He stopped himself, looking guilty.
I finished it for him, "But it's not home. You want more shows here."
There was a small and shameful nod. "Am I being ungrateful?"
"No," I said instantly. "I think it's normal to have conflicting emotions about everything. There's the excitement of shows, but also the disappointment that things aren't speeding up the way you need them to. You can feel multiple things at once."
He gave a nod, but his eyes told me there was something more. His shoulders were still sagging from carrying a heavy load he didn't want on him.
"What else?" I pushed a little.
He let out a restless sigh. "There's something I haven't yet told you."
"What?"
He avoided my eyes. "The seven of us have decided to make a deal with each other. We've been talking about it all summer long and it's honestly one of the reasons why we're letting go of the dorms. It's not so much that we're needing space—which definitely is part of it—but it has more to do with what we're planning for the future."
I held my breath, my heart hammering hard against my chest. In the pit of my stomach, I knew what this was in regard to. Every time I thought about this, I got sick to my stomach.
Namjoon's eyes moved up to meet mine. The beautiful irises that could make me to mush and could turn up my desire were now tearing at my heartstrings. He looked so defeated. "We're giving it until the end of summer for the government to figure out what they want to do about our enlistment. If by the fall things are still up in the air, Jin-hyung wants to just be done with it and enlist by his next birthday. He's done waiting—done making noona feel like she's walking on a tightrope. And the rest of us want to follow him."
There it was, my heart sinking and getting stomped on. I felt the tears appear, but seeing Namjoon already crying, I held it together. There could only be one of us in shambles at the moment. Two being fully emotional did no one any good.
"Would it be the same time as Jin?" I asked, my voice slightly shaking.
He shook his head slightly. "We would leave in less than a year of him."
I nodded, inclining I understood. An image flashed in my mind of going an entire day without communicating with Namjoon. The simple thought made me feel like vomiting. I couldn't remember the last time I went longer than 24 hours without hearing from Namjoon. Especially since we had gotten together. We didn't go more than 24 hours from seeing each other. To have to go longer? It seriously made me sick to my stomach.
And as bad as I felt on the inside, Namjoon looked much worse on the outside.
My best friend was someone who was fully in touch with his emotions, never allowing himself to be closed off. It was one of the many things I adored about him. How he could feel so much all at once and hold no shame or guilt or shyness for it was admirable.
"I know we just started out," he let out, his voice shaking but still in control. "But it just makes me angry. And I then feel ashamed for feeling angry."
I went over to him, crouching in front of him and taking his face into my hands. "We got plenty of time."
He shook his head but allowed himself to fall into my touch. "I think last night that's all I kept thinking about. Not being with you. And I guess my body just took over."
It made sense. If I knew my days were numbered before my freedom was taken away for eighteen months, I would have craved to do it as much as possible. I would want to make every experience count.
"I'm sorry for hurting you," he said, his eyes watering with guilt.
I stood myself up and settled on his lap. The chair was wide and fit us both, but only with my legs right above his own. "I have zero complaints about last night."
His hands were on my back instantly.
I leaned in, claiming his lips. "Please believe me when I say you didn't hurt me."
"You sure?" he asked, his emotions settling.
I nodded. "I'd kick your ass if you ever did something I didn't like," I said half-jokingly.
It got him to at least smile a little.
"And as we've said before, we're taking it slow. There's no need to rush. Whatever happens, happens in due time," I said gently, my hands stroking his cheeks. "We have plenty of time."
"You're leaving next month," he said almost bluntly, a hint of sourness in his tone.
"Only for two months; I'll be back by January."
He pulled me closer, taking a deep breath as if to take my essence into his scent. "Promise?"
I held up my pinky. He brought up his large hand and used his own slender pinky to wrap around my much smaller one.
He let out a giggle and scrunched up his face at seeing my tiny pinky. "Cute!" He maneuvered his thumb to press against mine, locking the promise.
Normally, I would argue against his description of me, but seeing his scrunched-up face made me act out in cute aggression myself. I took his cheeks into my hands and pinched them. "You look so good. I could eat you!"
I dived in and took his lips in mine.
At that moment, there was an odd sound that seemed to come from my stomach. Simultaneously, we both moved our heads toward the sound with a look of confusion.
My stomach churned again, and this time it was followed by an ache.
Namjoon let out a chuckle. "Sadly, it's not enough to quench your hunger. Let's get something in that stomach of yours." He moved a little, tapping my thigh so I could move off.
A big part of me wanted to continue staying where we were, but now that I was aware of my hunger for food, I couldn't ignore it.
"I could order something for us," Namjoon offered.
"How about I just cook," I offered. "I've been wanting to since you made us dinner on our first date." I looked up at him with hopeful eyes.
"Good luck finding something in there," he warned.
I lifted off him. "Shower first?"
He gave me a suggestive smile. "Together?" He came closer to me.
I pulled away from temptation. "We're gonna end up in the same situation as last night if I join you and we gotta leave in a few hours," I reminded him, keeping my eyes on his face.
"You make a good point." He turned away and headed to his bedroom. "I could take the guest shower if you want to take mine."
I agreed, simply because I was used to his already.
I was about to step away so I could start my shower, but Namjoon's hands on my tee made me stop. He had a look on his face as he stared down at me.
"What?" I asked, looking down to see what it was that had him looking aroused. All I saw were my bare legs.
"I like you in my clothes," he mumbled. His hands made their way under the material, his slender fingers feeling like hot coal against my skin. "Put this back on after you shower." He turned and left before I could answer.
A smile appeared on my face at the knowledge that I learned something else that Nmajoon found attractive.
We met in the kitchen not too long after, both feeling refreshed. As per Namjoon's instructions, I put his t-shirt back on.
Namjoon entered the kitchen and let out a small groan as he came behind me. He rubbed my backside as he asked what he could help with. I fought back a smile as I gave him instructions. I scrambled the eggs as he chopped the onions next to me. I could see he was dicing them, even though I had asked him to slice them. I smiled but didn't correct him.
"What are you humming?" he asked as diced away.
I hadn't realized I was singing the melody in my head out loud. "It's been stuck in my head these last couple of days. Can't seem to shake it off." I took the eggs off the heat and stirred.
A loud clunk came from where Namjoon was. "Aghhh."
I immediately turned and went towards him. "What happened?"
He was holding his finger as he had a look of pain on his face. "I think it's a splinter."
But he had been cutting onions, how in the hell did he end up with a splinter? I looked down and took notice of the knife handle. It was wood. I let out a sigh. Only Namjoon would have the bad luck of getting a splinter from a knife handle. "Can you see the splinter?"
"I think so," he said, examining his finger. He wheezed as he seemed to push on it.
"Ok. Please, don't do anything. Let me go get some tweezers." I rushed out of the room, hoping he would listen.
I was back at his side in less than a minute and the look on his face told me he was more than uncomfortable. Thankfully, he had listened and hadn't touched anything.
I maneuvered us closer to the window for better light. Using my tweezers, I was able to pull it all out in one go. "How does it feel?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Stings a little," he said with a face. "But it feels like you got it all."
I brought his finger to my lips and kissed it. "Now?" I asked with a smile.
He let out a chuckle. "Much better. Here I thought I was going to need a painkiller, but that cured it easily."
"I'm your personal painkiller," I said teasingly as I began to clean his area. "Are you still up to cutting the onion and kimchi?" I asked.
He nodded and went back to chopping with a new cutting board, knife, and onion in hand. After a while, he started humming my melody. "You're my painkiller," he sang.
It sent me into laughter. I turned on the stove, ready to finally start cooking. Namjoon continued to create lyrics to the melody I had come up with. It wasn't long before I started making up lyrics alongside him. He sang off-key but kept with the beat.
We continued cooking our breakfast as we created this song together. At one point, Namjoon took out his phone and recorded us singing. The songwriter in him was always alert.
Hours before the concert, I found myself sitting in my dressing room for the concert. Since I was a guest and the only female, I had my own room. Hair and makeup had finished with me and had left to assist the dancers. I wasn't fully dressed yet since my part in the concert was come late in the show.
The guys had finished soundcheck and getting ready themselves. Bored by being alone, I sent a message to the guys to see their whereabouts. Tae immediately answered.
WEIRDO: Namjoon-hyung and I are in a dressing room together. I was about to head to the green room. You can have your privacy…. ?
ME: Thank you?
MONI: thanks, bro
GLOSS: Be sure to lock that door….
I made it to the dressing room in record time, knocking on the door without waiting.
The door opened and I was greeted by Taehyung and one of the makeup artists. He gave me a knowing grin. "Hi, noona. What are you doing here?"
I wanted to kick him, but the makeup artist was looking at me as well. He was lucky I was quick on my feet. "I need to discuss one of the tracks for the new album with Namjoon."
Taehyung rose his eyebrows, looking impressed with my quick response. "Lucky for you, we're heading out." He and the makeup artist made their way out, Tae limping while doing so.
I suddenly remembered what occurred during rehearsal. "Tae, how are you feeling?"
"It's a sprain. Can't do any choreo." Taehyung gave a sad shrug, his mouth turned downside.
I closed the distance between us and gave him a warm hug. He leaned heavily in as I rubbed his back. "I know you're disappointed. I'm sorry, jagi."
He gave a nod, hugged me tight once more, and pulled away. "Thank you, I'll see you in a bit." He and the makeup artist made their way out.
My heart squeezed as I watched my friend leave. It was going to be a tough performance for him, but he would be fine. His health had to come first.
I pushed the door closed and turned back around. There, in front of me stood a tall, gorgeous man. "You look handsome," I said as I walked over to him.
He frowned and looked down at himself. "I'm in a t-shirt. I haven't even started hair or makeup."
"And?" I reached for a kiss.
He leaned the rest of the way and after our peck, he took hold of my hand and walked us to his chair.
Once he sat down, we were almost at eye level. I reached over and traced my fingers across the shaved strips on his head. "Do you think you're going to keep the look?"
His arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer. "No. It's mostly for promotion," he answered. "Why? Do you like it on me?"
I placed my forearms on his shoulders, steadying myself. "I like every look on you."
"Liar." He laughed. "You didn't like the mullet," he teased.
"How much alone time do we have? You're going to have to meet up with the guys, right?" I asked, trying to sway the conversation elsewhere.
"Plenty," he said as his large fingers traveled to my backside. He had a look in his eyes.
"Namjoon-ssi," I warned, but my body still melted against his touch.
"I missed you at lunch." His voice was low as he pulled me in, his lips coming to my neck.
I let out a moan. I had missed him, too. "Will you be able to spend the night?" I asked without thinking. We had already reached our weekly limit of sleepovers.
He let out a grunt. "I would love to but my parents—"
Before he could finish his sentence, there was a knock at the door.
I immediately pushed off Namjoon. Stupid me hadn't locked the door.
"Yeah?" Namjoon called out as he straightened up in his chair.
"Jooni, it's us," came a deep kind voice from the other side of the door.
I knew the voice well and it only hiked my anxiety.
"Come in. The door is open."
I put some more distance between us and took a breath to calm myself. The door opened and a good-looking older couple walked into the room, bright smiles on their faces.
I greeted them in a polite form. While I had gotten close to Namjoon's parents in my time living here, I always acted in my best behavior around them. "Hello, eomeonim, abeonim."
Eomeonim greeted me with a warm embrace. "Maiwa, where have you been? We haven't seen you in so long."
Abeonim's embrace was a shorter one. "Is Jooni keeping you all to himself?" He turned over to Namjoon and gave his son a playful smile.
Namjoon made his way over to his parents. "Shouldn't I get hugged first?"
Eomeonim wrapped her arms around her son. "We saw you several days ago. We haven't seen Maiwi in months. When are you going to bring her around?"
Namjoon took a breath. "Eomma, we've been busy."
"You can't spare us two hours? We would like to have dinner with the two of you." Eomeonim reached out for my hand and gave it a squeeze. "A celebration to your relationship. When Namjoonie told us, I was ecstatic! I've been rooting for the two of you—"
"Yeobo, let the girl breathe," Abeonim said as he rubbed his wife's shoulders, trying to calm her. "Jooni has asked for space. Let's honor his wishes."
I was grateful for Abeonim. I was starting to get slightly embarrassed.
"Eomma, we're taking it slow. Plus, we're both booked back-to-back until the Los Angeles concert. I don't get to see her as much anymore." Namjoon's voice was respectful but stern. I knew he didn't want to disregard his mother but seemed to be creating boundaries.
Eomeonim let out a breath. "Alright. I get it." She turned to me with a sweet smile. "I miss having you over. You haven't been around in months now."
I felt a pinch of guilt. "My apologies. I'll message you. I promise. It might not be until after the Los Angeles concert that we don't get to hang out. I've been talking to Sissy on the phone and we're already making plans to shop around while the guys are in LA. Want to join us?"
"Oh yes! That will be wonderful!"
With Eomeonim settled, I made some excuse of needing to leave to get ready.
I gave them each a hug before I headed out and gave Namjoon a small smile. I adored his parents, but I was feeling my nerves tipping close to the edge. I wanted to make sure the next time we spoke, I had enough time to mentally prepare myself. They had sprung at us a little too soon for my liking.
I made my way toward the green room, where the rest of the guys were. It was a good walk in the sense that it was enough time to allow me to calm myself.
The closer I got to the room; I heard the amount of noise coming from the inside. I made my way in and noticed most of the guys were there.
Yoongi was on his chair staying perfectly still, phone in hand while being handled by hair and makeup. Jin sat a few feet in a similar position. Jimin and Jungkook, on the other hand, were being loud and rowdy while their poor makeup artists tried to get them ready.
Taehyung was the one to immediately notice me, "Where's Namjoonie?"
"With his parents," I said simply, making my way over to a deserted seat, which was close to Jimin and Jungkook.
Behind me, I could hear Yoongi giggling.
I turned, feeling as if I knew what he was thinking about.
"What's with the laugh?" Jin asked, sure instigating.
"Oh, I left my phone unlocked. I had some private things I wanted to keep hidden. Has that happened to you lately, Maiwa? Have you left your phone unlocked and someone walks in to find some compromising things?" Yoongi held complete eye contact with me.
"Maiwa has a tendency of never locking things, so I imagine people walking in and finding some stuff on her phone," Jin added. He had the same sadistic humor as the old man sitting next to him.
Thankfully, it didn't seem as if any of the staff was picking up on their Morse Code. When I knew none of the staff was looking, I sent the two oldest members of the group the finger.
As Yoongi and Jin shared a laugh, Jungkook and Jimin began to do vocal warmups. Jungkook invited me, which I did.
Their warmups differed from the ones I used but we tried each other's techniques. It had been a while since performing on stage and I mentioned to the guys how I had started to take vocal lessons to prepare for the show.
"Did you really take vocal lessons for this?" Jimin asked me, looking surprised.
I nodded. "My voice needed work. It was a bad idea to stop the lessons in the first place."
"But your voice is great," Jimin said, not understanding.
I wasn't going to deny it or pretend to be humble about it. I was proud of my vocal abilities. I struggled with many things in my career, but the one thing that came naturally was singing.
"Not as great as it is when I take vocal lessons," I said.
"Jungkook doesn't really take them," Jimin said, motioning to his teammate next to him.
Jungkook turned away from us and to his phone.
It was a disagreement Jungkook and I typically had: how often to take vocal lessons. I decided to give Jimin my point of view. "I get and respect Jungkook's opinion on why he doesn't take too many vocal lessons. I know he wants to be as authentic as he can with his voice and create a tone and style that is completely his own. However, in my opinion, going without a vocal coach can be detrimental to your chords in the long run. Even Celine Dion, who is one of the best vocalists, takes vocal lessons regularly. I think it depends on the vocalist."
Jungkook nodded in agreement to my last statement.
Jimin gave a short nod and looked to consider my words.
I knew Jimin struggled with his voice and wasn't satisfied with it. He had past baggage with his voice. Those who cared about him were sensitive around him about it. I wasn't sure if it was my place to give my opinion to so many people around us, so I kept my mouth shut. I reached over to my water and took a long gulp.
Jimin looked around at seeing me drinking. "I'm thirsty, too," he mumbled as he spun around the room, trying to find his own bottle.
Jungkook was in the middle of sipping his own water, his lips not touching the rim of it. Wordlessly, Jungkook extended his bottle to Jimin.
Jimin took it, placed it directly on his lips, and drank the water quickly. "Thanks," he said as he offered the bottle back to Jungkook.
But Jungkook didn't move to retrieve it. "Did you put your mouth right on the bottle?" His face looked slightly appalled.
Jimin let out a nervous laugh, recognizing his mistake. "Sorry."
All the guys were cautious when it came to their drinks. They hardly sipped from the rim of bottles. To them, it kept things sanitized and each other safe, just in case.
However, I never understood this practice with them. "What does it matter if you two swap spit?" I asked.
Jungkook looked at me in disbelief. "I don't want his germs."
"You guys share lip balms," I pointed out. "You feed each other constantly—meaning your chopsticks touch someone else's lips or your fingers go into someone else's mouth."
"That's different," came a voice.
We turned and found Namjoon walking over to us. His lips twitched as he looked at me. He wanted to get a rise out of me.
And like an idiot, I took his bait. "How is it different?" I challenged.
"The amount of saliva that comes out when you're drinking out of water is substantially more than when you share lip balms," he countered.
"It's still spitting, is it not?" I demanded. "So if one of you is sick, whether it's a lip balm or water, you got each other's germs regardless."
"But it's also that some of that water makes it inside of your mouth and then back into the bottle. Some of that liquid has swirled all over your mouth. It would be like kissing each other," he tried to rationalize.
"You guys share food," I pointed out. "You put your mouth into that food to take a bite, do you not? Wouldn't that be the same as kissing?"
"But the food doesn't make it past the teeth because I would bite it off. It's still not that much saliva that would be shared. Now, when it comes to liquids, some of it makes it past the teeth and deeper into the mouth." His eyes twinkled as he said this, clearly knowing he was making a stretch.
I called him out on it. "You are so full of shit."
The room filled with laughter.
But he refused to accept defeat. For the next few minutes, we went back and forth. Namjoon coming up with bullshit counterpoints and excuses about the whole water bottle thing. His answers became so ridiculous that I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity. He couldn't hold it together himself either and eventually laughed at his own reasons.
The guys went back and forth between prepping for the show and goofing off. Before we knew it, it was time for the guys to head to the stage.
All seven of them, along with their team and me, made their way. Right before stepping out, the guys gathered together, did their huddle, and walked up the stage. Namjoon was the last to disperse and took a look back as he did so, catching my eyes. He sent me a blink-and-you-will-miss-it wink and hurried out.
How did that man make me into a puddle of mush when no more than an hour ago, I wanted to wring his neck?
I watched them backstage, admiring how great they performed but at the same time anxious for my time to join them.
My tia Jia sent me several messages of encouragement. And on the few times that I felt myself starting to psych myself out, I would reread them. I had been on stage more times than I could remember, but I could never get rid of the butterflies right before I went on. And the closer I got to perform, the sicker I felt.
A warm hand pressed on my side. Eomeonim appeared next to me, a smile on her face that was striking to Namjoon's—minus the dimples. My anxiety stilled a little. "All of you singers are the same. Always so nervous right before going on stage."
I gave her a nod. "Yeah."
"There's no point in telling you that everything is going to be alright. It doesn't help does it?"
"Sometimes," I lied, not wanting to hurt her feelings.
She gave me a look that told me she didn't believe me. I instantly felt a heat on my cheeks. I had never felt so uneasy around Namjoon's mother. But things were different now. However, her warm smile came back. The one that always put me at ease. "I meant it when I said I'm happy about the two of you. You're a great friend to him. He's always in such good spirits when he talks about you. He says you understand him in ways he can't understand himself." A brightness came to her eyes and I was certain there was a tear in there.
It made me worry. "Eomeonim, what's wrong?"
"He's been having a rough time. And he won't tell me why." She gave me a look that silently asked me a question.
I looked down, not able to answer her. It wasn't my place to tell her about Namjoon's stress. I wasn't sure what he had shared with her. I made a mental note to talk to him about this. I didn't want to accidentally spill something he didn't want his mother to know. They had a good and trusting relationship, but I knew Namjoon at times kept some things from his parents until he was ready to share. He liked to think things through first.
Eomeonim accepted my silence. "Can you be sure to look after him? I know you already are, but can you take extra care of him?"
I nodded. "Of course."
"Thank you," she said softly, clutching my hand.
"Maya-ssi?" someone called out to me.
I turned and found a staff member looking at me. "You're almost up."
Eomeonim and I shared a hug and I made my way out to the stage.
Even though it was an online concert, the fact that millions of people were watching still made me nervous.
I got into position, waiting for my cue. As soon as I was given it, all my nerves left me on that stage.