I came back home at the ungodly time of three in the morning, half-frozen from the speed I flew at and my feelings numb.
I quickly sketched a Note to Fuqin to please cancel the Courtship between Qingge and I (I… should probably begin to call him Liu-Shibo again, shouldn't I?) and shuffled into my room, activating the locking Seals.
I didn't want to see anybody.
I laid down in my bed, stared at the Ceiling and… stayed that way.
How could it have gone so wrong?
Why didn't Liu-Shibo say something, anything?
Ah, yes, my tears were not dried out, good to know.
I had too much self-worth to be relegated to the Position of a Concubine.
I liked my gender too much to change back.
Was our Relationship just destined to end that way?
What could I have changed?
But why did Liu-Shibo never mention a thing?
I had even once told him that I never wanted kids, since I already had hundreds of Shidis that looked to me for guidance, shouldn't that have clued him in?
And he had never complained about my Gender when I railed him into tomorrow, no?
Did he think I would change everything about myself to marry him?
He certainly knew what he was getting into!
I ignored the muffled noises outside the door.
I was really in no state to speak with my parents or worse, with my Shidis.
I needed to figure it out for myself first.
Where did it all went wrong?
The lacking Communication between Liu-Shibo and I?
The two of us didn't have a problem with that.
Who was really at fault for the end of our relationship?
Liu-Shibo didn't stand up against his mother, letting her roughhouse all over him.
And from the Behaviour of the rest of the family as well as the resigned expressions from the servants that was nothing new for the Liu Family.
If Liu Cuifen had always been so overbearing, the rest of the family… made sense in Context.
Of course Liu Heng wouldn't speak much, his wife was to bossy for that.
And it was no wonder that both Liu Children went to the Cang Qiong as soon as they could, just to get out of the Control of their Mother.
It also showed Liu-Shibo's silence in a new light.
If all of his opinions were disregarded just like that, it was no wonder that he didn't speak and instead just… did, even if things ended in punishment or lectures later.
It also explained Liu Mingyan's Fascination with stories: it was a coping Mechanism.
I had had a similar one in my past life: like recognizes like, after all.
Had I been too hasty in ending our relationship?
Liu-Shibo might not have went along with his Mother's wishes…
Except that I knew him.
The only thing where he stood up for himself was his freedom to range wherever he wanted.
And he would speak out for it, and if nobody listened, he would do it anyway.
He hadn't spoken out for me.
And did I really want a partner who wouldn't even defend me?
No, no I didn't.
I slowly rose out of my trance and 'Icky.'
I shuddered.
My hair was greasy, my Mouth felt as if something had died in it and my eyes were crusty.
One long shower later (I liked showers over baths and talismans made the world a better place, one with Showers in it), I was prepared to face… well, not the world.
Just my parents.
'Xiao Ming!' Fuqin called when I emerged from my quarters, rushed and hugged me.
I sank thankfully into his embrace.
It felt so nice and calming, Fuqin's typical scent of ink and his jasmine hair-oil calming me.
And if a few tears wet his nice Robes, he was as always nice enough not to say anything.
Baba's Reaction to seeing me emerge from my self-chosen isolation (I was only away for eight days! Nothing bad!) was a big hug and admonishments.
'How could you worry me so? Only a note that we should end your Courtship, no more information and the brute hasn't come back since! Liu Mingyan did, but she doesn't say anything and believe me, I tried! A-Ming, never do that again.'
'Your Baba was very worried. And I was as well.' Fuqin added, as always the calm part to Baba's Temper.
'I just… I needed time to come to terms with it. The whole dinner was a disaster.'
I retold the entire thing, not letting anything out, and Fuqin had to hold Baba back from storming the Liu-Palace.
'Our child, Qi-ge, not good enough for them! A Concubine! Truly, just wait…'
'It's alright, Baba. I am just glad I saw this side of Liu-Shibo now, instead of later when we were already married.' I said with the serenity my retreat had afforded me.
'I just… really like to murder Liu Cuifen.' I admitted. Alright, maybe I wasn't as serene as I wanted to be.
I had noticed just how much more violent I had become in this world.
Was it simply because I had solved all of my problems on Night-hunts with my Sword or Fire or, in doubt, with Explosions or otherwise overpowered Talismans?
'We will calm down now.' Fuqin boomed to stop Baba, who had a delighted expression on his face.
Nothing was better Father-Son-Bonding then plotting the murder of an annoying person, right?
'We will not murder her, not if social death will hurt such a person much deeper.' He grinned darkly at the two of us and I suddenly remembered that despite his placid, ever smiling Appearance, Shen Qingyuan had also grown up on the streets.
And every street-kid is always ready to throw down to protect what it possesses.
I smiled at the two of them.
'I think… Please keep me updated, but I think I have too much aggression in me to help in instigating a Social Suicide for that women. Baba, Fuqin… I'd like to go into the Endless Abyss again. This time I will come back every evening in time for dinner, but I think it will do me good to take care of my Anger in a productive matter.'
This quickly changed the topic of conversation.
The two of them knew I would probably survive the Endless Abyss, but they were still worried.
I let Baba fuss over me a little, but it quickly got a little annoying, so I faked a yawn and was promptly told to go to bed.
I wasn't a teenager!
I was only three months short of my 37th Birthday!
I would have been even more offended if I hadn't wanted that affect, but still.
Sometimes I really regretted my overachieving tendencies and the fact that I ended up nearly immortal at 18.
I would still get regularly IDed in America with my baby-face, that was for sure.
Anyway, the next day I hugged my parents goodbye and activated the last Seal I left in the Endless Abyss, teleporting away.
Now, that I didn't need to hurry and knew what awaited me, the Endless Abyss… was kind of challenging, but not overly so.
Some of that was also owed to my furthered Cultivation.
It was still exhausting, having to dial up your paranoia up to one thousand, but it was doable and, more than that, satisfying.
I could just kill indiscriminately.
If I imagined Liu Cuifen's Face one or two… dozen times, then that was a secret I would take to the grave.
After only a week of my impromptu Therapy, I already was a lot more relaxed and took up my duties again.
Still, one day a week was for the Endless Abyss, often scheduled after the Day I went to the parallel Dimension to heal Bing-di.
It felt so good to let out my frustrations.
I didn't have to act anymore.
I could slouch, I could swear, I could use the bits I still remembered of my old language.
I was delighted when more and more came back the more I used it.
I could dress how I liked, speak how I liked, do my hair as I liked and no one was crazy enough to get into the Endless Abyss and judge me.
I didn't have to be so very careful, always afraid that people would act like Zhao Biya, discarding me like trash once I didn't fulfil their notion of who I was.
After that realisation (did Zhao Biya's disapproval really shape me that deeply?), I had another break-through which was, as always in this overly dramatic world, announced by a beaming light-show.
Great.
I, wildly and manically laughing, dealt with all the Monsters that had been attracted to my light- show.
I revealed in my new-found freedom.
I finally felt… right in my skin, not like an Actor putting on a play.
You couldn't wipe the Smile off my face if you tried.
Now that I was not pressed for time, I could even harvest the Animals properly.
For example, the Zebra-Beetles could weave amazing Illusions, which is why their brain was good for all remedies of the mind.
You just had to keep your mind intact under their beautiful weaved web as well as know where they were, which was easy with my sensing.
The Rabbit-Hogs hooves had such a Concentration of Yang-Chakra it could even help with slight Qi-deviations.
Of course, the beasts could kick easily through boulders, so you risked the caving in of your ribs to get them, especially since they were pack-animals and attacked as one.
The most difficult fight I had was a herd of Canary-Oxen.
They were similar to the Myths of Sirens, but instead of drowning you, they speared you on their horns.
Nice.
Just after I finished them, having urged them in a canyon, I felt Xing Mo at the edge of my sensing-rage.
I brightened.
I got my own Xing Mo, such an elegant Weapon!
In this dimension, the original Runes had been not nearly as degraded as they had become in Bing-di's Hands, so I teleported home and geeked out over the Sword.
Really, if I had known who had created this Masterwork, I would travel back in time to meet them.
Sadly, I didn't even know the time period, so that was impossible.
Did any of you notice the Similarities to Molly Weasleys famous rant: 'Where have you been? Beds empty! No Note! Car Gone! You could have died! You could have been seen! Of course I don't blame you Harry dear.' when SQQ scolded SM?
Because those were intentional, I quote her all the time with my friends. (ノ^∇^)
And let Shen Qingyuan be badass! He can't be a sect leader without! *。ヾ(｡ｖ｡)ﾉﾞ*。
Anyway, thank you for all the Well-Wishers! (灬 ω 灬) It meant a lot and still does!
My Update-Schedule will probably not go back to regular, in sad news.
I am still pretty ill and have to rest. (✖﹏✖)
This Chapter you can thank the quarantine for, in my wakeful periods I am going stir-crazy *。ヾ(｡ｖ｡)ﾉﾞ*。.
It will also take time to answer all the lovely comments, thank you so much! I will!
Just, you know, resting so I can get better.
And I thought you'd like a new chapter better than your Answers ;)