Kara spent a ridiculous amount of time alone over the next week. They barely saw each other during that time, to the point that Lena felt she had to say something about her partner's distance.
"Hey, Kar?" Lena asked hesitantly, when she caught the girl slipping out of the studio and into the kitchen for a snack, was the first time Lena had seen her all day.
"Hmm?" Kara hummed, barely looking up from her snack (which consisted of a heaping pile of peanut butter on a spoon.
As soon as Lena started to answer, Kara stuck the entire spoonful in her mouth.
"Is everything okay?"
Looking absently over her shoulder, Kara gave a few nods, then turned back to the counter and twisted the cap of the jar back on.
"Kara," the star pressed, sounding melancholy. "Are we okay?"
Again, the blonde nodded, sort of chewing and sort of swallowing, all at the same time.
Mouth still full, she managed to get out, "Ya, why?"
"You've been… I haven't… I've barely seen you, and…" When Kara simply stared at her blankly, blinking and saying nothing, Lena added, "Is… Is there someone else?"
Kara nearly spat out the last little bit of peanut butter in her mouth, gaping at her partner.
"Why would you ask me that?!" she gasped.
"Because you've been locked in that studio for days and have barely said a word to me. You come to bed late. You charge your phone in the studio. You haven't even had dinner with me once this week, even though we've both been home. How did we go from being excited about a wedding to barely speaking?"
"What exactly do you think I'm doing in there?!" the younger girl snapped angrily, scowling at her partner.
"I don't know, Kara. That's why I'm asking you."
"How could I possibly be cheating on you from the studio, Lena?"
It was obvious that Kara was furious by the accusation, and her defensiveness only further stoked the fire of Lena's suspicion. In fact, Kara's overwhelming reaction was enough to make Lena cry.
"Lena," Kara said sharply. "Stop."
"I can't," the brunette sobbed, covering her face with her hands. "If you've been talking to someone else… If… Kara… I can't lose you. I can't. I know I'm not perfect, but whatever you're not getting, I can—"
"Oh, my God. Lena, stop!"
"Just tell me, okay? I can take it. Just tell me."
Without a word, Kara grabbed Lena's wrist, even a little harder than she'd meant to, and very nearly dragged her into the studio.
"Sit down," the blonde ordered, her rage far from subsiding.
When Lena saw the pile of papers on the recording desk, placed in front of Kara's laptop, her first thought was, 'love letters.' Bracing herself for the truth, Lena sucked in a shaky breath and tried to stop crying. But the tears wouldn't stop. So sure that her partner had lost interest in their relationship - Kara certainly had never been so distant before, not ever - she resigned herself to hear the worst.
"Kara—" Lena tried, voice cracking as she tried to speak.
"Don't talk," Kara shot back. "Just listen."
Eyes wide in shock at Kara's demanding tone, which was borderline aggressive, the dejected star went completely silent.
Kara left the main room of the studio and rushed into the recording room, slamming the door loudly behind her. Dropping down at the piano, she started to cry, her elbows smashing the keys and making an obnoxiously loud sound that echoed through the studio as she held her head in her hands.
Instantly, seeing this, Lena stood up and tried to say her lover's name, forgetting that the walls were soundproof, and Kara wasn't wearing a headset. When Kara didn't look up, Lena herself cried harder, pressing her hand against the glass to try to get the girl's attention. But Kara only lifted her gaze when she was ready, which was several agonizing moments later. As slowed but steady tears continued to stream down her cheeks, the blonde looked down at the piano and started to play, dropping Lena's jaw quite nearly to the floor.
Scrambling in a panic to grab the nearest headset, Lena desperately put it on to hear the sound. Lena sat back down, heart thrumming loudly in her chest, waiting with bated breath for the next note, and then the next. The piano - smooth and beautiful - played a song that Lena had never heard before. Kara's hands danced expertly over the keys, playing the song to perfection. But then, Lena felt her heart stop. Kara was singing. Captivated, Lena didn't move. Didn't breathe. Didn't think. Completely frozen in her seat, all she could do was stare.
"When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love"
When the song ended, Lena felt he urge to burst through the studio door and embrace her partner, feeling the most guilt and shame she'd ever felt in her life. More than her relapse. More than temporarily ruining their relationship. More than breaking Kara's heart. So, she just sat there, dumbfounded, and waited for Kara to join her in main room.
After a brief pause, following the very last note that resonated, Kara's head fell back into her hands, and the tears came faster.
Wanting even more to rush in and comfort the budding artist, Lena fought the urge to intervene and continue to sit stone still in her seat. She waited many long, excruciating moments for Kara to lift her head. When she did, the girl looked more heartbroken than angry. Slowly, she stood up, walked over to the exit, and opened the door to the main room, stepping out in front of Lena and looking down at her with a brutal expression of pain.
"That's my song. Those are my vows. Are you fucking happy now?"
Mouth agape, Lena stammered, "I… Kar… I'm s-sorry. I—"
"I don't want to hear it. I can't fucking believe you accused me of cheating on you!"
"Kara, please. I was just—"
"Don't, Lena."
"Kara. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I'm such an idiot. I don't know how I let my brain go there. This is my shit, Kar, and I'm so sorry. I—"
"Get out."
"Come on, Kar. Don't do this. Please. We can—"
"Get. Out. Lena."
Body trembling with shame, Lena managed to stand on shaky legs and slink silently out of the studio. She wanted to apologize. To drop to her knees and just beg. But she knew Kara couldn't hear it. Anger might be a secondary emotion - likely Kara was more deeply heartbroken by what Lena had said - but she knew that the fury was real, and she wasn't about to push any more buttons. If there was any hope of saving the relationship, Lena knew she had to shut the fuck up and give the girl her space.
~!~!~
Kara spent the night on the couch. There was no speaking to Lena. There was no speaking at all, really. Part of her wanted to call her mother, or even Alex, but there were no more words. She knew if she talked, she'd just cry, and she didn't really want to be a mess in front of her family. Even though she knew they'd support her, she didn't want them to be as angry at Lena as she was (or even more so.)
So, Kara laid on the couch and cried until she fell into a pseudo-sleep. The house was silent when she woke up the next morning, so naturally, she thought she was alone. Lena must've gone to work without waking her, or saying anything. And why would she? Kara wasn't speaking to her either.
The blonde made her way to the kitchen, groggy from restless 'sleep' (if you could even call it that), knowing that despite having lost her appetite, she needed to eat something, even if it was just something small. She decided on an apple, took a few bites, then quickly realized that it tasted like ash. After sadly tossing the fruit in the trash, Kara sighed and resigned herself to taking a shower. After all, staying in yesterday's clothes probably would have just made her feel worse (and disgusting).
Upon entering the bedroom, though, on the way to enter the master bath, she jumped, startled by the sight of a naked Lena in the bed. With the sheet pulled up diagonally, with one corner draped over the girl's right shoulder, it left Lena's left breast exposed. Kara's heart hiccuped as her breath caught in her chest, quite involuntarily taken aback by the endlessly thrilling sight of her partner's perfectly formed body.
She didn't want to stare. She even tried to tear her eyes away, but her gaze snapped back to her lover, entirely against her will, as soon as she started to look away. Breathlessly, she watched as Lena's chest rose and fell. Then, Kara quickly noticed something else. Lena's face was contorted with and expression of distress and agony. As the blonde stood watching, Lena tossed and turned in the bed, gripping Kara's pillow tightly. Had it been Kara herself, she probably would've been strangled or left with broken ribs. In fact, Kara was wondering how it was possible that the pillow hadn't been ripped in half by Lena's vice-like grip already.
She wanted to wake the girl up, to say something soothing to take away what she assumed was a nightmare, but her heart ached, radiating pain throughout her body. The anger was gone now, leaving Kara alone with her sorrow and hurt. Then, Kara's breath once again became trapped in her lungs as she finally took a single, creaking step towards the bathroom and noticed that Lena woke almost immediately.
Tearing her eyes away, unable to look at her partner, Kara took the finally three steps to reach the bathroom door.
After rubbing the sleep from her eyes and blinking away her dazed confusion, Lena realized what she was looking at and whimpered, "Kara, please."
The blonde's heart throbbed to an impossible degree. Although she wanted to storm into the bathroom and slam the door, locking herself away from Lena's pleas, Kara looked back at her lover anyway. Seeing the expression of pain on Lena's face made her reconsider her decision to give the girl the cold shoulder. She found herself frozen in place, unable to step away from or closer to Lena. Unmoving, she started to cry, this time quiet tears of resignation.
"Please, come here, Kar."
Feeling her knees nearly give out from under her, Kara took a wobbling step forward and moved towards the bed. Looking beyond apologetic, Lena reached out hopefully, using her hand as an invitation.
Hesitantly, the budding artist made the final step closer and took her partner's hand. Tears trickling slowly as Lena patted the empty space beside her on the bed, Kara sat down, feeling grateful to have taken the burden of strength off of her legs.
Gazing sadly up at the blonde, Lena used her free hand to gently rub Kara's back. Two contradictory feelings spread through Kara's reality: one, feeling soothed by Lena's touch, and two, crying harder in desperation to make the bleeding of her heart stop.
Instead of frantically apologizing yet again, knowing this would get her nowhere, Lena carefully considered her next words, then asked, "What do you need right now, honey?" When Kara didn't reply, she pressed, "It's okay, baby. Just tell me what you need."
But Kara couldn't. Couldn't form words, couldn't think, couldn't breathe. So instead, she fell onto the bed and into Lena's arms, clinging tightly.
"I love you," Lena whispered. "I swear it. And I promise that I trust you. I let me insecurities cloud my judgment. It was nothing you did wrong. I know I betrayed you, and I'm…" Taking a deep breath, she finished, "I won't make that mistake again. Not ever. You don't need to forgive me, but please… Let me try to fix this. Let me mend your heart, honey. I'm never going to give up on you, and I'm never going to stop trying to be the best wife I can possibly be for you. I know I'm failing at that now, but I promise to continue to grow and change with time and effort. I'm not giving up on us. Please, don't let me go."
Kara had to think hard about her reply. On the one hand, laying in Lena's arms, all she wanted was to make things better and make the hurt stop. On the other, she was broken, and it felt impossibly to trust her again. The accusation of cheating showed clearly that Lena didn't trust her, despite her words, but Kara had to concede that it was very likely Lena's insecurities that caused the rift.
To Lena's surprise, though, the words that came out of Kara's mouth were the last ones she ever would have expected.
"I'm sorry I was distant. I should've explained or at least given you a heads-up, without giving away the surprise."
"And I'm sorry I ruined it. I know I shouldn't have heard the words before the wedding." Then, after pausing and getting no response, the brunette added, "Are we going to be okay?"
"I think so," Kara told her, almost in a whisper. "I want to be."
"Do you still want to marry me?" Lena asked shyly, her voice cracking as the nerves got the better of her and anxiety set in.
Kara nodded, then dropped her head to Lena's shoulder before replying, "But you have to trust me."
"I do. I do. I promise," the star vowed frantically. "I promise you, I'll never doubt you again."
"I would never hurt you like that, Lee," Kara said softly. "Not ever."
"I know," Lena sniffled, wiping a stray tear from her own cheek. "I fucked up. Really badly. But it won't happen again. I trust you. More than anyone."
"Thank you. That means a lot to me. You need to prove it, though."
"I will. I will. I swear. I'm not giving up. Please, don't give up on me."
"I wouldn't. I might be hurt and angry, but I'm not walking away."
"Thank you," Lena whimpered, squeezing her lover tightly. "You are my knight, my sun, my stars, my everything. I'm so lucky to have you in my life."
"And I'm lucky to have you. So, let's trust each other and move on from this, okay? We've got a wedding to plan."
After a short pause, the brunette told her, "The song was lovely, Kara. Really, truly lovely. I didn't know you could play the piano."
"My grandmother taught me. I was never any good, but—"
"Bullshit!" Lena exclaimed. "You're fantastic!"
Blushing, Kara kissed Lena's cheek and said, "Thank you. I did my best. I hope it's—"
"It's perfect. And those lyrics will be perfect for your vows. I guess I've gotta step up my game, huh?"
"You haven't started writing them yet?" Kara gaped.
"Um… No? I mean… Yes, of course I have!"
Laughing, Kara tickled Lena's sides, making her squirm.
"You're a shithead, you know that?"
Lena laughed too. Then, looking up at her partner with a flame of love illuminating her eyes, she slipped her arms around Kara's neck, resting them on her shoulders.
Taking the invitation, Kara kissed her.