Chapter Fourteen: Woman on the Verge of a Breakthrough
Author: Gluglug
Spoiler Warning/Timing: Late-Third Season
Rating: PG -13
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls and all characters are property of The Dubba Dubba Dubba WB, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Amy Sherman- Palladino. They don't belong to me, just borrowing.
Summary: Lorelai has another therapy session and comes to a realization about Luke.
"Lorelai Gilmore, you can go in now."
Lorelai walked quickly into Dr. Lieberman's office and sat in the comfy chair. She couldn't wait to tell her the good news; after only five sessions, Lorelai felt she was having her first breakthrough.
Dr. Lieberman noticed the change in Lorelai's energy; she usually came in with an air of dutiful resignation, but Lorelai looked like a student who thought she had just written a grade A term paper.
"Lorelai, you seem much more energetic today than usual, I hope you're not back on caffeine."
"Oh, I had a cup this morning at Luke's but that's it. And that's when it happened."
"What happened?"
"I had a breakthrough. Remember a few weeks ago you asked me to try to figure out Luke's role in my life? Well I think I've come up with an answer."
Dr. Lieberman took off her glasses. "Why don't you tell me?"
"Okay, I was sitting at the counter drinking my morning coffee and Luke had just given me a plate of pancakes. He asked me if I needed anything else and that's when I realized it."
"Realized what?"
"That Luke is my safety net."
"Please explain what you mean by that."
"Well, he always catches me when I fall. Whenever I feel lost, I go to him, we talk and I feel safe again. He always makes me feel safe, no matter the chaos going on around me. He just always knows the right thing to say. He's like comfort food. I guess the fact that he feeds me on a daily basis has something to do with that."
Dr. Lieberman nodded, encouraged by her introspection. "I see."
Lorelai continued. "I also figured out why I've been dreaming about him. You said that sexual dreams don't necessarily mean sex, that they can represent emotional needs?"
The doctor nodded. "Yes, I see you've been listening."
"Well, there's been a lot of changes in my life, with Rory deciding to go to Yale and wanting to lose her virginity, to the challenges at work, and my relationship with Alex. If Luke represents safety to me, then I've been dreaming about him because that's what I'm craving."
"That's very possible, but I don't know if it's that simple. Perhaps Luke represents more than just safety to you."
"Well I don't know about that but I've also figured out my "Careless Whisper" dream."
"Please refresh my memory. I'm sorry, I don't have the notes from that session in front of me."
"The one where I was cheating on Luke with Alex and he walked in on us? Well, I remember last time we talked about my rejection issues with my parents and how it's carried over into my relationships with men?"
"Yes."
"Well, I realized that I've been pushing Alex away, like I did with Max, before he could reject me. Things were starting to get serious and I got scared. Well, if Luke represents safety, and Alex is love, I was seeking safety again by wanting to run after Luke."
"You're saying you were betraying safety with love?"
"I know it sounds weird, but that's how my mind perceived the situation. I've always thought it was safer to be single, even though I don't like being single. So, I've decided to get back together with Alex. I realized that I want to be with him."
"And you can picture him in your five year vision?"
"Well, I don't know about that. I'm still having a problem visualizing who my husband is. Five years is a long time away."
"Well, it seems you've done a lot of analysis on yourself. I have a slightly different take on it but I want to save that for the end of our session. Let's try another topic - Rory. You mentioned last week that she was planning to sleep with her boyfriend."
Lorelai chuckled. "Well she did sleep with him, whether or not she lost her virginity is another story."
"What happened?"
"Um, apparently her boyfriend had performance issues, I guess he felt pressured."
"How do you feel about this?"
"Well, I'm kind of relieved but a little frustrated, if you can believe it. Part of me still wonders if she's ready and the other part of me kind of wants her to get it over with, so we can stop obsessing over it."
"Lorelai, I think I know why you're obsessing over this."
"Because I don't want her to wind up pregnant like me?"
"Well, yes, but it's deeper than that. There's something in almost every person's life that defines who they are, emotionally. In some cases it's sexual abuse. More often it's the early death of a family member, usually a parent or child. Or on the opposite end of the spectrum the birth of a child. Especially in your case, because you had Rory before becoming a full grown adult."
Lorelai nodded. "I see."
"Lorelai, your defining event has basically shaped your identity for the past two decades. You see yourself as Rory's mom first, and Lorelai second. I could tell immediately because when you first walked in here, you mentioned her right away. I also noticed in your five year vision, the description of her life came before yours." The doctor took a breath.
"It seems to me that you are a loving parent but sometimes to the detriment of your own personal growth, and possibly your daughter's. From your description of Rory, it seems that you've put some unspoken expectations on her to redeem your mistakes. You told me that an unplanned pregnancy and I quote 'is not gonna happen' for Rory because if she were to get pregnant, you would feel that you've failed as a parent. But if Rory succeeds and has a successful education and subsequent career than you will have redeemed yourself to your parents."
Lorelai nodded. "Wow. I guess you have been paying attention."
"What I'm saying is I think you need to rethink your identity and try to break away from those kinds of dangerous thought patterns. You are Lorelai Gilmore, first, and Rory's mom, second. Especially now that she's growing up and getting her own identity."
"So it's a good idea to have her live in the dorms at Yale, right?"
"Yes. You and Rory need to be more independent of each other. It's going to be tough when she leaves in a few months, so you definitely need to be focusing on your own needs."
"Like a relationship?"
"Yes, which brings me back to the men in your life."
"You mean the man in my life."
"No, I meant plural. Lorelai, you told me about wanting 'the whole package' in your five year vision, a husband and more children. You also mentioned three words to me what that package meant to you - love, comfort and safety."
Lorelai nodded. "Right."
"Before when you were telling me about what Luke represents, you mentioned the word 'safety' several times and you also mentioned 'comfort.'"
"Right. But I also said that Alex is love."
"Maybe. But I think you need to think a bit more about this."
Lorelai was tired of playing games. "Are you suggesting that I'm in denial, Dr. Lieberman?"
"It's possible, yes."
"I don't understand."
"Well, perhaps you don't need to analyze your dreams so deeply. I think you're dreaming about Luke because he does represent the love, comfort, and safety you're craving. It's pretty simple."
"Okay, doctor. So if I'm in love with Luke, then why am I in denial?"
"It's your rejection issues again. You've told me that none of your love relationships have worked out to date. You love him but are afraid to take a step forward because you might lose him if it doesn't work. So you pretend that the feelings aren't there, but they haven't gone away and have manifested themselves in your dreams."
"So sometimes a cigar is just a cigar? You're saying I want to have sex with Luke?"
"Not just purely sex, but I believe your dreams are telling you that you are in love with him."
Lorelai sighed and shook her head. "I can't believe this. I've been spending all of this time in therapy just to hear you say something that Rory already told me?"
"Rory told you that you're in love with Luke?"
Lorelai told her about the dream about being pregnant with Luke's twins and Rory's analysis.
"Maybe Rory should major in psychology." Dr. Lieberman laughed. "I didn't realize that your dreams started last summer."
"That was the first and only one until they started up again the past month."
Dr. Lieberman looked at her watch. "Well, it looks like our time is up. Lorelai, since we covered a lot of ground today, I'd like you to skip next week's session. Make an appointment for the following week. Just think about what we talked about. Also, pay attention to the way you feel when you see Luke, now that you are aware that you may have these feelings."
"That's gonna be uncomfortable, I see him almost every day."
"Well, therapy isn't easy but this should give you plenty of opportunity to make some decisions about your personal life and where you want it to go."
"You do remember that he's dating a friend of yours right?"
"Yes, but I don't let my personal life dictate my relationship with my patients."
"I could never have your job. So I'll see you in two weeks? I still need to monitor the caffeine and take my pills?"
"Yes, continue with the treatment. We'll talk about decreasing your dosage next time."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------
Lorelai left the medical building. It was time for her to get back to the Inn. She sat for a moment and thought about what Dr. Lieberman said. Before her appointment she was all set to reconcile with Alex, she had left him a message on his cell telling him she wanted to see him. But now with all of the Luke stuff, she was beginning to doubt that getting back with Alex was a good idea.
Lorelai was about to turn the key into the ignition when she noticed a familiar pickup truck pull into a space close to the building. A man in a flannel shirt exited the truck, sans baseball cap, and Lorelai recognized that slightly bow-legged walk that appeared whenever he was in a hurry. No doubt about it, it was the one and only Luke Danes.
What the hell was he doing there? There were a number of doctors in the building that he might have had an appointment but Lorelai wondered if it were possible. Had he been seeing Dr. Lieberman all along and not have told her? She had to know for sure.
She rang the Inn and told Michel she was running late at the doctor's office, not exactly a lie. She got out of her jeep and walked back into the building and got into the elevator. When she got to the door of the doctor's office, she was thankful that there was a small glass window she could peer into.
There he was, uncomfortably sitting in one of the metal chairs with his arms across his chest, glancing at his watch. It was true, Luke was seeing Dr. Lieberman. Lorelai wished she could be a fly on the wall during his therapy session.
A/N: So I beg the question, do I write about Luke's session? That would be painful, huh? Forgive me if I don't, I'm trying to wrap up this story within a few chapters.
Author: Gluglug
Spoiler Warning/Timing: Late-Third Season
Rating: PG -13
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls and all characters are property of The Dubba Dubba Dubba WB, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Amy Sherman- Palladino. They don't belong to me, just borrowing.
Summary: Lorelai has another therapy session and comes to a realization about Luke.
"Lorelai Gilmore, you can go in now."
Lorelai walked quickly into Dr. Lieberman's office and sat in the comfy chair. She couldn't wait to tell her the good news; after only five sessions, Lorelai felt she was having her first breakthrough.
Dr. Lieberman noticed the change in Lorelai's energy; she usually came in with an air of dutiful resignation, but Lorelai looked like a student who thought she had just written a grade A term paper.
"Lorelai, you seem much more energetic today than usual, I hope you're not back on caffeine."
"Oh, I had a cup this morning at Luke's but that's it. And that's when it happened."
"What happened?"
"I had a breakthrough. Remember a few weeks ago you asked me to try to figure out Luke's role in my life? Well I think I've come up with an answer."
Dr. Lieberman took off her glasses. "Why don't you tell me?"
"Okay, I was sitting at the counter drinking my morning coffee and Luke had just given me a plate of pancakes. He asked me if I needed anything else and that's when I realized it."
"Realized what?"
"That Luke is my safety net."
"Please explain what you mean by that."
"Well, he always catches me when I fall. Whenever I feel lost, I go to him, we talk and I feel safe again. He always makes me feel safe, no matter the chaos going on around me. He just always knows the right thing to say. He's like comfort food. I guess the fact that he feeds me on a daily basis has something to do with that."
Dr. Lieberman nodded, encouraged by her introspection. "I see."
Lorelai continued. "I also figured out why I've been dreaming about him. You said that sexual dreams don't necessarily mean sex, that they can represent emotional needs?"
The doctor nodded. "Yes, I see you've been listening."
"Well, there's been a lot of changes in my life, with Rory deciding to go to Yale and wanting to lose her virginity, to the challenges at work, and my relationship with Alex. If Luke represents safety to me, then I've been dreaming about him because that's what I'm craving."
"That's very possible, but I don't know if it's that simple. Perhaps Luke represents more than just safety to you."
"Well I don't know about that but I've also figured out my "Careless Whisper" dream."
"Please refresh my memory. I'm sorry, I don't have the notes from that session in front of me."
"The one where I was cheating on Luke with Alex and he walked in on us? Well, I remember last time we talked about my rejection issues with my parents and how it's carried over into my relationships with men?"
"Yes."
"Well, I realized that I've been pushing Alex away, like I did with Max, before he could reject me. Things were starting to get serious and I got scared. Well, if Luke represents safety, and Alex is love, I was seeking safety again by wanting to run after Luke."
"You're saying you were betraying safety with love?"
"I know it sounds weird, but that's how my mind perceived the situation. I've always thought it was safer to be single, even though I don't like being single. So, I've decided to get back together with Alex. I realized that I want to be with him."
"And you can picture him in your five year vision?"
"Well, I don't know about that. I'm still having a problem visualizing who my husband is. Five years is a long time away."
"Well, it seems you've done a lot of analysis on yourself. I have a slightly different take on it but I want to save that for the end of our session. Let's try another topic - Rory. You mentioned last week that she was planning to sleep with her boyfriend."
Lorelai chuckled. "Well she did sleep with him, whether or not she lost her virginity is another story."
"What happened?"
"Um, apparently her boyfriend had performance issues, I guess he felt pressured."
"How do you feel about this?"
"Well, I'm kind of relieved but a little frustrated, if you can believe it. Part of me still wonders if she's ready and the other part of me kind of wants her to get it over with, so we can stop obsessing over it."
"Lorelai, I think I know why you're obsessing over this."
"Because I don't want her to wind up pregnant like me?"
"Well, yes, but it's deeper than that. There's something in almost every person's life that defines who they are, emotionally. In some cases it's sexual abuse. More often it's the early death of a family member, usually a parent or child. Or on the opposite end of the spectrum the birth of a child. Especially in your case, because you had Rory before becoming a full grown adult."
Lorelai nodded. "I see."
"Lorelai, your defining event has basically shaped your identity for the past two decades. You see yourself as Rory's mom first, and Lorelai second. I could tell immediately because when you first walked in here, you mentioned her right away. I also noticed in your five year vision, the description of her life came before yours." The doctor took a breath.
"It seems to me that you are a loving parent but sometimes to the detriment of your own personal growth, and possibly your daughter's. From your description of Rory, it seems that you've put some unspoken expectations on her to redeem your mistakes. You told me that an unplanned pregnancy and I quote 'is not gonna happen' for Rory because if she were to get pregnant, you would feel that you've failed as a parent. But if Rory succeeds and has a successful education and subsequent career than you will have redeemed yourself to your parents."
Lorelai nodded. "Wow. I guess you have been paying attention."
"What I'm saying is I think you need to rethink your identity and try to break away from those kinds of dangerous thought patterns. You are Lorelai Gilmore, first, and Rory's mom, second. Especially now that she's growing up and getting her own identity."
"So it's a good idea to have her live in the dorms at Yale, right?"
"Yes. You and Rory need to be more independent of each other. It's going to be tough when she leaves in a few months, so you definitely need to be focusing on your own needs."
"Like a relationship?"
"Yes, which brings me back to the men in your life."
"You mean the man in my life."
"No, I meant plural. Lorelai, you told me about wanting 'the whole package' in your five year vision, a husband and more children. You also mentioned three words to me what that package meant to you - love, comfort and safety."
Lorelai nodded. "Right."
"Before when you were telling me about what Luke represents, you mentioned the word 'safety' several times and you also mentioned 'comfort.'"
"Right. But I also said that Alex is love."
"Maybe. But I think you need to think a bit more about this."
Lorelai was tired of playing games. "Are you suggesting that I'm in denial, Dr. Lieberman?"
"It's possible, yes."
"I don't understand."
"Well, perhaps you don't need to analyze your dreams so deeply. I think you're dreaming about Luke because he does represent the love, comfort, and safety you're craving. It's pretty simple."
"Okay, doctor. So if I'm in love with Luke, then why am I in denial?"
"It's your rejection issues again. You've told me that none of your love relationships have worked out to date. You love him but are afraid to take a step forward because you might lose him if it doesn't work. So you pretend that the feelings aren't there, but they haven't gone away and have manifested themselves in your dreams."
"So sometimes a cigar is just a cigar? You're saying I want to have sex with Luke?"
"Not just purely sex, but I believe your dreams are telling you that you are in love with him."
Lorelai sighed and shook her head. "I can't believe this. I've been spending all of this time in therapy just to hear you say something that Rory already told me?"
"Rory told you that you're in love with Luke?"
Lorelai told her about the dream about being pregnant with Luke's twins and Rory's analysis.
"Maybe Rory should major in psychology." Dr. Lieberman laughed. "I didn't realize that your dreams started last summer."
"That was the first and only one until they started up again the past month."
Dr. Lieberman looked at her watch. "Well, it looks like our time is up. Lorelai, since we covered a lot of ground today, I'd like you to skip next week's session. Make an appointment for the following week. Just think about what we talked about. Also, pay attention to the way you feel when you see Luke, now that you are aware that you may have these feelings."
"That's gonna be uncomfortable, I see him almost every day."
"Well, therapy isn't easy but this should give you plenty of opportunity to make some decisions about your personal life and where you want it to go."
"You do remember that he's dating a friend of yours right?"
"Yes, but I don't let my personal life dictate my relationship with my patients."
"I could never have your job. So I'll see you in two weeks? I still need to monitor the caffeine and take my pills?"
"Yes, continue with the treatment. We'll talk about decreasing your dosage next time."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------
Lorelai left the medical building. It was time for her to get back to the Inn. She sat for a moment and thought about what Dr. Lieberman said. Before her appointment she was all set to reconcile with Alex, she had left him a message on his cell telling him she wanted to see him. But now with all of the Luke stuff, she was beginning to doubt that getting back with Alex was a good idea.
Lorelai was about to turn the key into the ignition when she noticed a familiar pickup truck pull into a space close to the building. A man in a flannel shirt exited the truck, sans baseball cap, and Lorelai recognized that slightly bow-legged walk that appeared whenever he was in a hurry. No doubt about it, it was the one and only Luke Danes.
What the hell was he doing there? There were a number of doctors in the building that he might have had an appointment but Lorelai wondered if it were possible. Had he been seeing Dr. Lieberman all along and not have told her? She had to know for sure.
She rang the Inn and told Michel she was running late at the doctor's office, not exactly a lie. She got out of her jeep and walked back into the building and got into the elevator. When she got to the door of the doctor's office, she was thankful that there was a small glass window she could peer into.
There he was, uncomfortably sitting in one of the metal chairs with his arms across his chest, glancing at his watch. It was true, Luke was seeing Dr. Lieberman. Lorelai wished she could be a fly on the wall during his therapy session.
A/N: So I beg the question, do I write about Luke's session? That would be painful, huh? Forgive me if I don't, I'm trying to wrap up this story within a few chapters.