Chapter Eighteen: Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, part 2
Author: Gluglug
Spoiler Warning/Timing: Late-Third Season
Rating: PG -13
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls and all characters are property of The Dubba Dubba Dubba WB, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Amy Sherman- Palladino. They don't belong to me, just borrowing.
Summary: Lorelai and Luke reflect on the past and the future on the day of Rory's graduation party.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------
Lorelai took a walk in the garden behind the Inn. She went over to the potting shed, where she lived with Rory the first few years of her life. The shed had been their refuge all those years ago, when she wanted to be anywhere than under her parents' well appointed roof. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and yet like yesterday.
Lorelai wanted to go inside for another look, but she knew the sight of the rosebud wallpaper would start the waterworks. She promised herself she wouldn't bawl today, the day of Rory's graduation party.
Instead she stood in front of the lake and watched two swans gliding over the water. She and Rory loved those swans and had named them Nick and Nora, after the "The Thin Man" movies. Of course, Nick and Nora had probably gone to swan heaven, but she decided to these two swans were worthy of inheriting the names. She sat down on a bench in her lavender party dress and began to talk to them.
"Nick and Nora, you are so lucky to be swans. You'll just swan along for the rest of your lives, having guests ooh and ah over your long necks. Occasionally you'll duck your heads into the water and eat a fish or two. Or you'll have folks throw pieces of Sookie's dinner rolls at you. And I've had her dinner rolls, so you're in for a treat. You'll never have to worry about your baby swan going off to Yale and leaving you with an empty nest. Hey, do swans have nests?"
Lorelai was unaware she was being watched. Luke was standing about twenty feet away behind the bench, he had taken a walk. He stopped when he saw Lorelai having a one sided conversation with the swans. He wondered if she had truly lost her mind.
"Lorelai, I guess therapy isn't helping much if you're talking to the swans...."
His voice startled her and she turned around.
"Nick and Nora...."
"Who?"
"The swans are named Nick and Nora."
Luke sat beside her on the bench. "So, are they talking back?"
"Afraid not. They're kind of shy."
"So what are you doing sitting out here by yourself?"
"I'm not by myself, I have the swans and you. By the way, what are you doing out here?"
"Well, Taylor was talking Nicole's ear off about real estate empires and the kids were slam dancing, neither activity really appealed to me so I took a walk. You know I've never really explored the grounds of the Inn before, it's really beautiful."
"Yes, it is. And it's all mine...well mine and Sookie's. You know, when I first came here all those years ago, when Rory was a baby, I never in a million years thought I would own this place. But here I am...."
"You've come a long way, baby." He chuckled. "Hey, didn't you used to live somewhere on the grounds?"
Lorelai nodded. "Yup, over there, in the potting shed. Do you want to see it? I mean it's not much, but..."
Luke smiled. "I'd love to."
They stood up and Lorelai led Luke over to the potting shed, opened the door and they stood just over the threshold.
"It's smaller than I imagined."
"How did you imagine it?"
"Um, I mean I've never really imagined it. It just seems really, um, cozy for two people to share."
Lorelai smirked. "This coming from someone who lived in his dad's office for years under the delusion it was an apartment?"
Luke shrugged. "Well, it was just me for a long time, and I did expand for Jess, you know."
"Well, Rory and I only lived here until she was 11. I knew we'd have to get out of here before she hit puberty. Two women plus one tiny bathroom equals one ugly scene."
"Well, at least the wallpaper's nice."
"Yeah, I used to fall asleep staring at those rosebuds. I'd dream of moving into our own house and getting Rory into Harvard. I also used to dream that I would marry Rob Lowe. You know, post 'St. Elmo's Fire', pre sex scandal and pre 'West Wing'."
"Well, at least one of those dreams came true. And Rory is going to Yale. And too bad about Rob, but I think you've done okay without him."
Lorelai sneezed. "It's kind of dusty in here, have you had enough of the grand tour?"
"Sure, let's go. And gesundheit."
They walked back to the bench. "You don't want to go back to the party?" Luke asked.
"Not yet. I'd like to hear what Nick and Nora have to say about Rob's decision to leave "The West Wing." She paused. "How about you, going back?"
"Oh not yet. I've never heard a swan give showbiz advice." Luke sat beside Lorelai.
A few moments passed in silence.
"You know, Luke. I don't think I want to go back to the party."
"Why not?"
"Well, it's Rory's day. She's having so much fun with her friends and Jess and everyone, I feel a little out of place. And everyone's been asking me how I'm holding up, like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown the minute Rory goes away to school. If one more person asks me how I'm doing, I'm really going to have a nervous breakdown!"
"Well, I'm glad you spoke first, because I was going to ask you that. But you seem okay to me, I've noticed a change in you the past couple of months. I'm assuming therapy is working out?"
"Well, it was a little rough in the beginning, with the caffeine withdrawal but Dr. Lieberman's helped me discover a lot of things about myself. Things I wasn't ready to face before, but I'm starting to work through them."
"Anything you want to share?"
"Well for one thing, she helped me see that I've pretty much built my entire identity around the fact that I got pregnant so young and ran away from home. That was my defining moment. Most people have them, usually it's some kind of traumatic experience, some kind of abuse, a birth of a child or a death of a parent."
Luke nodded. "Makes sense. Hmm, my moment would probably have to be the death of my dad."
"Hey, it took me months and you figured yours out in two seconds? Luke, I just saved you lots of money in therapy bills!"
Luke felt a little uncomfortable, if she only knew he was seeing Dr. Lieberman, too. Lorelai hoped that Luke would take this opportunity to tell her about his clandestine visits to Dr. Lieberman's office. She searched his face for a sign but he wasn't showing any.
"Anyway, she helped me see that now Rory is growing up, I need to find other things to build my identity on."
"Such as?"
"Well buying and owning the Inn is one. The other would be finding a fulfilling relationship, you know, getting married and having more children. And of course, being a mom to Rory, she does still need me."
Luke nodded. "Of course she needs you. That'll never change."
Lorelai looked him in the eye. "I'm just not sure about the whole fulfilling relationship part."
Luke stared back. "What do you mean, what about Alex?"
"Alex? Luke, did you see him at all during the party?"
He shook his head. "Um, no. I thought maybe he had to work or something."
"He's not here. We broke up a few days ago."
Luke was surprised. "What happened?"
"The short story was he wanted me to move in with him. We'd been dating close to six months and he really wanted us to live together. He had a plan. Date six months, live together six months, be engaged for six months and then get married....
"For six months. And then be in divorce court for six months?" Luke finished.
"Yeah, I didn't realize I was on a timetable. I was just taking it all in, enjoying it. But apparently he had all these expectations that I wasn't ready to deal with..."
"Yeah, I hate when they get all 'where is this thing going?' I mean I'm not a psychic, you know?"
"Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be the future's not ours to see, que sera sera." Lorelai sang.
"Doris Day or "Heathers?" Luke chuckled.
"'Heathers' of course. Why, Luke Danes, just when I've assigned you to the pop culturally illiterate heap, you go and surprise me."
"Well Jess loves that film and I just kind of got sucked in by the dialogue. How many movies do you know contain the phrase "F*ck me gently with a chainsaw?"
"Luke, are you propositioning me?" They both laughed as Luke turned a light shade of crimson.
"Um, what were we talking about?"
"You and Nicole."
"Right. Nicole's kind of been giving me the "where are we going" business lately. I mean, we're approaching our six month anniversary and I'm kind of dreading it. I feel like she's expecting something."
"Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out, Luke." Lorelai gave him a pointed look.
"I hope so." He saw Nicole heading in their direction. "Speak of the devil...."
Nicole approached the bench. "There you are, Luke. I've wondered where you disappeared to. Hello, Lorelai."
Lorelai smiled wanly. "Hey, Nicole."
Luke stood up, feeling a little caught. "Nicole, I just took a walk and ran into Lorelai. I see you were able to escape Taylor's interrogation about property laws?"
"Oh, Taylor's not so bad. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right? Anyway, Luke, I'm ready to leave, the party's winding down. And Lorelai, I think Rory's looking for you."
"Well, then I guess I better get back to the party. Um, thanks for coming, the both of you."
Luke smiled. "I wouldn't have missed it. Lorelai, tell Rory congratulations again for me."
"Sure thing, Luke."
Lorelai watched as Nicole linked her arm through Luke's and they headed towards the parking lot. She sat on the bench for a few more minutes, reflecting on their conversation. She hoped that Luke would figure out what to do, with or without Dr. Lieberman's guidance.
Author: Gluglug
Spoiler Warning/Timing: Late-Third Season
Rating: PG -13
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls and all characters are property of The Dubba Dubba Dubba WB, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Amy Sherman- Palladino. They don't belong to me, just borrowing.
Summary: Lorelai and Luke reflect on the past and the future on the day of Rory's graduation party.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------
Lorelai took a walk in the garden behind the Inn. She went over to the potting shed, where she lived with Rory the first few years of her life. The shed had been their refuge all those years ago, when she wanted to be anywhere than under her parents' well appointed roof. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and yet like yesterday.
Lorelai wanted to go inside for another look, but she knew the sight of the rosebud wallpaper would start the waterworks. She promised herself she wouldn't bawl today, the day of Rory's graduation party.
Instead she stood in front of the lake and watched two swans gliding over the water. She and Rory loved those swans and had named them Nick and Nora, after the "The Thin Man" movies. Of course, Nick and Nora had probably gone to swan heaven, but she decided to these two swans were worthy of inheriting the names. She sat down on a bench in her lavender party dress and began to talk to them.
"Nick and Nora, you are so lucky to be swans. You'll just swan along for the rest of your lives, having guests ooh and ah over your long necks. Occasionally you'll duck your heads into the water and eat a fish or two. Or you'll have folks throw pieces of Sookie's dinner rolls at you. And I've had her dinner rolls, so you're in for a treat. You'll never have to worry about your baby swan going off to Yale and leaving you with an empty nest. Hey, do swans have nests?"
Lorelai was unaware she was being watched. Luke was standing about twenty feet away behind the bench, he had taken a walk. He stopped when he saw Lorelai having a one sided conversation with the swans. He wondered if she had truly lost her mind.
"Lorelai, I guess therapy isn't helping much if you're talking to the swans...."
His voice startled her and she turned around.
"Nick and Nora...."
"Who?"
"The swans are named Nick and Nora."
Luke sat beside her on the bench. "So, are they talking back?"
"Afraid not. They're kind of shy."
"So what are you doing sitting out here by yourself?"
"I'm not by myself, I have the swans and you. By the way, what are you doing out here?"
"Well, Taylor was talking Nicole's ear off about real estate empires and the kids were slam dancing, neither activity really appealed to me so I took a walk. You know I've never really explored the grounds of the Inn before, it's really beautiful."
"Yes, it is. And it's all mine...well mine and Sookie's. You know, when I first came here all those years ago, when Rory was a baby, I never in a million years thought I would own this place. But here I am...."
"You've come a long way, baby." He chuckled. "Hey, didn't you used to live somewhere on the grounds?"
Lorelai nodded. "Yup, over there, in the potting shed. Do you want to see it? I mean it's not much, but..."
Luke smiled. "I'd love to."
They stood up and Lorelai led Luke over to the potting shed, opened the door and they stood just over the threshold.
"It's smaller than I imagined."
"How did you imagine it?"
"Um, I mean I've never really imagined it. It just seems really, um, cozy for two people to share."
Lorelai smirked. "This coming from someone who lived in his dad's office for years under the delusion it was an apartment?"
Luke shrugged. "Well, it was just me for a long time, and I did expand for Jess, you know."
"Well, Rory and I only lived here until she was 11. I knew we'd have to get out of here before she hit puberty. Two women plus one tiny bathroom equals one ugly scene."
"Well, at least the wallpaper's nice."
"Yeah, I used to fall asleep staring at those rosebuds. I'd dream of moving into our own house and getting Rory into Harvard. I also used to dream that I would marry Rob Lowe. You know, post 'St. Elmo's Fire', pre sex scandal and pre 'West Wing'."
"Well, at least one of those dreams came true. And Rory is going to Yale. And too bad about Rob, but I think you've done okay without him."
Lorelai sneezed. "It's kind of dusty in here, have you had enough of the grand tour?"
"Sure, let's go. And gesundheit."
They walked back to the bench. "You don't want to go back to the party?" Luke asked.
"Not yet. I'd like to hear what Nick and Nora have to say about Rob's decision to leave "The West Wing." She paused. "How about you, going back?"
"Oh not yet. I've never heard a swan give showbiz advice." Luke sat beside Lorelai.
A few moments passed in silence.
"You know, Luke. I don't think I want to go back to the party."
"Why not?"
"Well, it's Rory's day. She's having so much fun with her friends and Jess and everyone, I feel a little out of place. And everyone's been asking me how I'm holding up, like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown the minute Rory goes away to school. If one more person asks me how I'm doing, I'm really going to have a nervous breakdown!"
"Well, I'm glad you spoke first, because I was going to ask you that. But you seem okay to me, I've noticed a change in you the past couple of months. I'm assuming therapy is working out?"
"Well, it was a little rough in the beginning, with the caffeine withdrawal but Dr. Lieberman's helped me discover a lot of things about myself. Things I wasn't ready to face before, but I'm starting to work through them."
"Anything you want to share?"
"Well for one thing, she helped me see that I've pretty much built my entire identity around the fact that I got pregnant so young and ran away from home. That was my defining moment. Most people have them, usually it's some kind of traumatic experience, some kind of abuse, a birth of a child or a death of a parent."
Luke nodded. "Makes sense. Hmm, my moment would probably have to be the death of my dad."
"Hey, it took me months and you figured yours out in two seconds? Luke, I just saved you lots of money in therapy bills!"
Luke felt a little uncomfortable, if she only knew he was seeing Dr. Lieberman, too. Lorelai hoped that Luke would take this opportunity to tell her about his clandestine visits to Dr. Lieberman's office. She searched his face for a sign but he wasn't showing any.
"Anyway, she helped me see that now Rory is growing up, I need to find other things to build my identity on."
"Such as?"
"Well buying and owning the Inn is one. The other would be finding a fulfilling relationship, you know, getting married and having more children. And of course, being a mom to Rory, she does still need me."
Luke nodded. "Of course she needs you. That'll never change."
Lorelai looked him in the eye. "I'm just not sure about the whole fulfilling relationship part."
Luke stared back. "What do you mean, what about Alex?"
"Alex? Luke, did you see him at all during the party?"
He shook his head. "Um, no. I thought maybe he had to work or something."
"He's not here. We broke up a few days ago."
Luke was surprised. "What happened?"
"The short story was he wanted me to move in with him. We'd been dating close to six months and he really wanted us to live together. He had a plan. Date six months, live together six months, be engaged for six months and then get married....
"For six months. And then be in divorce court for six months?" Luke finished.
"Yeah, I didn't realize I was on a timetable. I was just taking it all in, enjoying it. But apparently he had all these expectations that I wasn't ready to deal with..."
"Yeah, I hate when they get all 'where is this thing going?' I mean I'm not a psychic, you know?"
"Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be the future's not ours to see, que sera sera." Lorelai sang.
"Doris Day or "Heathers?" Luke chuckled.
"'Heathers' of course. Why, Luke Danes, just when I've assigned you to the pop culturally illiterate heap, you go and surprise me."
"Well Jess loves that film and I just kind of got sucked in by the dialogue. How many movies do you know contain the phrase "F*ck me gently with a chainsaw?"
"Luke, are you propositioning me?" They both laughed as Luke turned a light shade of crimson.
"Um, what were we talking about?"
"You and Nicole."
"Right. Nicole's kind of been giving me the "where are we going" business lately. I mean, we're approaching our six month anniversary and I'm kind of dreading it. I feel like she's expecting something."
"Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out, Luke." Lorelai gave him a pointed look.
"I hope so." He saw Nicole heading in their direction. "Speak of the devil...."
Nicole approached the bench. "There you are, Luke. I've wondered where you disappeared to. Hello, Lorelai."
Lorelai smiled wanly. "Hey, Nicole."
Luke stood up, feeling a little caught. "Nicole, I just took a walk and ran into Lorelai. I see you were able to escape Taylor's interrogation about property laws?"
"Oh, Taylor's not so bad. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right? Anyway, Luke, I'm ready to leave, the party's winding down. And Lorelai, I think Rory's looking for you."
"Well, then I guess I better get back to the party. Um, thanks for coming, the both of you."
Luke smiled. "I wouldn't have missed it. Lorelai, tell Rory congratulations again for me."
"Sure thing, Luke."
Lorelai watched as Nicole linked her arm through Luke's and they headed towards the parking lot. She sat on the bench for a few more minutes, reflecting on their conversation. She hoped that Luke would figure out what to do, with or without Dr. Lieberman's guidance.