(A day or two later)
Gabe ran to Rowan's room. Well, Rowan's and Jaime's and Auggie's and Scott's and Ezra's room. Mommy was back and Gabe didn't know why. He hadn't asked her to come back. He hadn't talked to her since the day she dropped him off at school and hadn't come home. At first, Gabe had wanted her to come here so he and Rowan and her and Captain Spoon Bear Man could be a family together and live in a house and eat lots of big kid's meals and maybe no one would yell if someone didn't finish theirs. But now Gabe didn't know if he wanted her back. And he hadn't wanted her to come with the Troll. Gabe hated the Troll and the Troll scared him- the things he'd say. He wasn't part of the fairy tale.
Gabe flung himself onto Rowan, grabbed onto the gray Sex Pistols shirt. He waited for Captain Spoon bear Man to say everything would be ok, but the teddy said nothing. Gabe knew everyone was looking at him funny but he didn't care. He hadn't hugged Rowan since before he ran away. He was mad then but not anymore! Maybe Rowan was still mad. No, Rowan couldn't be mad. He couldn't! "Gabe? What's wrong" Rowan sat up and still Gabe clung to him. "Please tell me what's wrong." Gabe shook his head and pushed his face farther into Rowan's chest. He couldn't speak. "Gabe? Please tell me what's wrong? I won't get mad, I won't get upset, just tell me what's wrong." Gabe shook his head again. He wasn't supposed to tell. He felt tears well up. Stupid, he thought, only babies cry. Not superheroes like Captain Spoon Bear Man. He was too big to cry. Too big. Rowan stood and carried Gabe outside, telling the onlookers they needed air. As they passed the bathroom Gabe shuddered.
"Gabe please tell me, what's going on? What's wrong? Is somebody teasing you or- oh. Oh. Ok. She's here." Gabe just squished his head farther into Rowan's chest. So he hadn't been dreaming. He peeked out for a moment- she was wearing the pink skirt again, the one that showed too much of her legs. She used to wear it sometimes but now it was like she never took it off. And now she had another in blue and one in green. Gabe heard her say something and the sound of her voice made him turn colder. He always hated her voice. It sounded like cigarettes and v-o, v-o-d, v-o-d-k- a. Vodka. That had been a hard word to spell. But he had learned it. Just like nic- nico-nicotine, and Marlboro and w-h-i, w-h-i-s-k-y, whiskey. He had like rum (r-u-m) though- that one had been easy. His teachers had always liked the words too, when he came in with them; they always looked at him differently then the other kids after he told them each new word and spelled it proudly. He knew things the other kids were too babyish to know. Gabe was afraid Rowan's voice would sound like Momma's one day, angry one minute and sweet the next, every time he saw him smoke a cigarette.
"No. I don't care he's your son. He doesn't go with you. I'm your kid too and I'm not running to give you a hug. He doesn't have to come when you call."
She screamed then and Gabe rushed to block his ears, letting go of Rowan's shirt to cover them with his hands, well one hand and one fist that held Captain Spoon Bear Man's Hand. Rowan yelled something back and Gabe smushed his face against Rowan's shirt, reveled in the warm arm secure around his back. He didn't want to go with Momma, not when she sounded like that.
Momma suddenly stopped yelling and asked Gabe, "Don't you remember the fun times sweetie? Don't you remember?" Gabe remembered when he threw up in the greasy place because he had tried to eat all his lunch so she'd be happy. And she had screamed at him forever. And then when they got home, that was worse. The Troll came out. And Gabe remembered her and the Troll watching a movie with lots of red blood and loud noises, had laughed at him when he hid in the corner with Captain Spoon Bear Man against his face. The Troll had come later and whispered the gunshots to him, Bang Bang, and laughed when Gabe jumped. Gabe saw the Troll walking up the path. He pushed off Rowan and scrambled to hide beneath his knees.
"No," he said, between Rowan's legs.
"Gabe?" Rowan turned, still blocking Gabe from Momma and the Troll with his body. "What's wrong? Please Gabe, tell me what's wrong." Rowan looked scared, like on the day Gabe had first seen him, back when Gabe didn't know that he liked Rowan. He hugged him, tight, hid his face in Rowan's neck and shoulder. Rowan didn't flinch, just hugged him back. Then Captain Spoon Bear Man said how Momma always flinched, Rowan never did now, unless Gabe caught him by surprise and that was only sometimes. And Rowan never pushed him away like Momma did, pushing him off the bed, off the couch, off her.
"C'mon Baby, come with me. We'll have fun, I promise." Maybe Gabe would have said yes, because he remembered other times, when the Troll was away, before there was a Troll and there was Ted and Momma only told him scary stories sometimes and fairy tales lots of times. But then he saw the Troll coming too much closer and he remembered the Momma's promises didn't mean much anymore. From behind Rowan he whispered again, "No."
"Gabe, its not just Mom is it? What's wrong? Please, oh God, just tell me what's wrong." Gabe bit his tongue for a moment. Rowan rested his forehead against Gabe's, and Gabe could see himself looking back in Rowan's eyes. Gabe leaned over into Rowan's ear and whispered the secret about Trolls, short, fast, so it would all come out and none would be left sitting in his mouth, burning his tongue.
Rowan didn't say anything for a moment, shut his eyes and breathed, gasped in air. Then he looked at Gabe. "Gabe," he begged with his voice, "tell me you're joking, you're lying. Please be lying." Gabe shook his head, dropped low. Was he gonna yell at him like Momma did? Not believe him? "Gabe, look at me. Please, go stand by Dwayne, ok. No matter what, no matter what happens, stay with Dwayne." Rowan sounded tight. Steely. Like the good guy superheroes. Like Batman or Captain Spoon Bear Man when Gabe pretended to have him fight the Troll. Gabe looked over to see where Dwayne and Peter where talking with Momma, Sophie and Jasper talking with the Troll. Gabe nodded.
"Ok." He squenched his eyes tight. He didn't want to cry. Not now when Rowan sounded so strange, not never. Rowan kissed him on the forehead and stood and Gabe went to go stand by Dwayne, trying to keep distance between him and Momma. He turned when he heard Rowan say something to the Troll and watched as the two ran, until Rowan tackled him. He watched as Rowan beat up the Troll, punching his fist into the Troll's face; Gabe said Bang Bang quietly. Dwayne tried to rush over and help pull Rowan off but Gabe clamped onto his leg. He didn't want to be left with Momma. So Dwayne picked up Gabe and brought him too. Rowan was screaming bad words and strange words that trilled and sounded angry at the Troll, whom Sophie was helping up, trying to understand what was going on.
"What's wrong with you?!" Dwayne screamed, holding Gabe a little to tight.
Rowan stopped screaming for a moment.
"He's the Troll!"
"What are you talking about?!"
"He's the guy Gabe's afraid of! The guy who comes at night or when Gabe's in the bathroom!" For a moment Rowan and Dwayne locked eyes. Dwayne nodded once and Peter and Jasper let go, Sophie stepped away from the Troll. Rowan tackled him once more and held a knife to his throat. Momma ran over but Rowan pushed her off, threatened to hurt the Troll, to kill him if he ever came by Gabe again. Gabe whispered, "Bang Bang, You're dead," again but no one heard him. The Troll scrambled up, began to run for his car.
"Chuck!" screamed Momma. "Wait!" she turned to Rowan.
"That goes for you to. Gabe chose me. You're not included in the bargain. When he grows up, if he ever wants to see you, which I doubt he will, he can find you. You ruined your last kid with me- Gabe won't end up like me, or you, or dad. He's gonna be different." Momma held a hand to touch Rowan's chin. He turned his face away. She slapped him instead.
"You think you're so great. I could tell them stories about you that would ruin you."
"You've already done that. Go." She started to say something but Rowan cut her off when he screamed for her to go, again. She went. Rowan stood for a moment, ran his fingers through his hair and turned. Gabe ran to him, and Rowan caught him, sank to the ground and rocked with him. Gabe let himself cry; now it would be ok. No more gunshots. The two sat and rocked, and when both had calmed down, Rowan whispered in Gabe's ear, "You still want to stay with me forever and ever?"
"Yes." Gabe let himself relax fully against Rowan's chest.
Rowan looked up to Dwayne and Peter. "You hear?"
"Yes," said Peter. "But you need a co-guardian, someone over 21. In case you need help or something, someone to care for Gabe. Like you go to college or army or something." Rowan stood and stared at the four adults who stood before him. "But all of you have made... to what. I have to. chose?" They said nothing, waiting judgment. Rowan looked between Dwayne and Jasper, back and forth. "I.. I.. I.. chose Dwayne."
Peter and Sophie nodded and Sophie came, knelt down to kiss Rowan's spikes. "We know."
Rowan stood to look at Jasper. "I'm so sorry Jasper, it's just- Dwayne knows me better than I do. He's- he's"
"Been there." Jasper sounded defeated. "I just wish. Me, you and Sara."
"Could have been a family. I know. I wished for it too. She did too." Jasper hugged Rowan awkwardly, mindful of Gabe who snuggled against Rowan. He moved back so Rowan and Dwayne could look at each other full in the eye. "Do you mind?"
"No."
"Do you care?"
"More than you know." Dwayne embraced Rowan for a moment and Rowan spared an arm from underneath Gabe to return the gesture. The two broke apart and Rowan motioned to the almost sleeping Gabe, tired from his tears. "I'll go put him to sleep." Dwayne nodded. "Um, quick question. Is there going to be an assault thing?"
"For what?" asked Peter and Rowan smiled. Gabe nestled farther against Rona. Later, when he awoke, he would think it was a dream. And still not understand the joke.
Gabe ran to Rowan's room. Well, Rowan's and Jaime's and Auggie's and Scott's and Ezra's room. Mommy was back and Gabe didn't know why. He hadn't asked her to come back. He hadn't talked to her since the day she dropped him off at school and hadn't come home. At first, Gabe had wanted her to come here so he and Rowan and her and Captain Spoon Bear Man could be a family together and live in a house and eat lots of big kid's meals and maybe no one would yell if someone didn't finish theirs. But now Gabe didn't know if he wanted her back. And he hadn't wanted her to come with the Troll. Gabe hated the Troll and the Troll scared him- the things he'd say. He wasn't part of the fairy tale.
Gabe flung himself onto Rowan, grabbed onto the gray Sex Pistols shirt. He waited for Captain Spoon bear Man to say everything would be ok, but the teddy said nothing. Gabe knew everyone was looking at him funny but he didn't care. He hadn't hugged Rowan since before he ran away. He was mad then but not anymore! Maybe Rowan was still mad. No, Rowan couldn't be mad. He couldn't! "Gabe? What's wrong" Rowan sat up and still Gabe clung to him. "Please tell me what's wrong." Gabe shook his head and pushed his face farther into Rowan's chest. He couldn't speak. "Gabe? Please tell me what's wrong? I won't get mad, I won't get upset, just tell me what's wrong." Gabe shook his head again. He wasn't supposed to tell. He felt tears well up. Stupid, he thought, only babies cry. Not superheroes like Captain Spoon Bear Man. He was too big to cry. Too big. Rowan stood and carried Gabe outside, telling the onlookers they needed air. As they passed the bathroom Gabe shuddered.
"Gabe please tell me, what's going on? What's wrong? Is somebody teasing you or- oh. Oh. Ok. She's here." Gabe just squished his head farther into Rowan's chest. So he hadn't been dreaming. He peeked out for a moment- she was wearing the pink skirt again, the one that showed too much of her legs. She used to wear it sometimes but now it was like she never took it off. And now she had another in blue and one in green. Gabe heard her say something and the sound of her voice made him turn colder. He always hated her voice. It sounded like cigarettes and v-o, v-o-d, v-o-d-k- a. Vodka. That had been a hard word to spell. But he had learned it. Just like nic- nico-nicotine, and Marlboro and w-h-i, w-h-i-s-k-y, whiskey. He had like rum (r-u-m) though- that one had been easy. His teachers had always liked the words too, when he came in with them; they always looked at him differently then the other kids after he told them each new word and spelled it proudly. He knew things the other kids were too babyish to know. Gabe was afraid Rowan's voice would sound like Momma's one day, angry one minute and sweet the next, every time he saw him smoke a cigarette.
"No. I don't care he's your son. He doesn't go with you. I'm your kid too and I'm not running to give you a hug. He doesn't have to come when you call."
She screamed then and Gabe rushed to block his ears, letting go of Rowan's shirt to cover them with his hands, well one hand and one fist that held Captain Spoon Bear Man's Hand. Rowan yelled something back and Gabe smushed his face against Rowan's shirt, reveled in the warm arm secure around his back. He didn't want to go with Momma, not when she sounded like that.
Momma suddenly stopped yelling and asked Gabe, "Don't you remember the fun times sweetie? Don't you remember?" Gabe remembered when he threw up in the greasy place because he had tried to eat all his lunch so she'd be happy. And she had screamed at him forever. And then when they got home, that was worse. The Troll came out. And Gabe remembered her and the Troll watching a movie with lots of red blood and loud noises, had laughed at him when he hid in the corner with Captain Spoon Bear Man against his face. The Troll had come later and whispered the gunshots to him, Bang Bang, and laughed when Gabe jumped. Gabe saw the Troll walking up the path. He pushed off Rowan and scrambled to hide beneath his knees.
"No," he said, between Rowan's legs.
"Gabe?" Rowan turned, still blocking Gabe from Momma and the Troll with his body. "What's wrong? Please Gabe, tell me what's wrong." Rowan looked scared, like on the day Gabe had first seen him, back when Gabe didn't know that he liked Rowan. He hugged him, tight, hid his face in Rowan's neck and shoulder. Rowan didn't flinch, just hugged him back. Then Captain Spoon Bear Man said how Momma always flinched, Rowan never did now, unless Gabe caught him by surprise and that was only sometimes. And Rowan never pushed him away like Momma did, pushing him off the bed, off the couch, off her.
"C'mon Baby, come with me. We'll have fun, I promise." Maybe Gabe would have said yes, because he remembered other times, when the Troll was away, before there was a Troll and there was Ted and Momma only told him scary stories sometimes and fairy tales lots of times. But then he saw the Troll coming too much closer and he remembered the Momma's promises didn't mean much anymore. From behind Rowan he whispered again, "No."
"Gabe, its not just Mom is it? What's wrong? Please, oh God, just tell me what's wrong." Gabe bit his tongue for a moment. Rowan rested his forehead against Gabe's, and Gabe could see himself looking back in Rowan's eyes. Gabe leaned over into Rowan's ear and whispered the secret about Trolls, short, fast, so it would all come out and none would be left sitting in his mouth, burning his tongue.
Rowan didn't say anything for a moment, shut his eyes and breathed, gasped in air. Then he looked at Gabe. "Gabe," he begged with his voice, "tell me you're joking, you're lying. Please be lying." Gabe shook his head, dropped low. Was he gonna yell at him like Momma did? Not believe him? "Gabe, look at me. Please, go stand by Dwayne, ok. No matter what, no matter what happens, stay with Dwayne." Rowan sounded tight. Steely. Like the good guy superheroes. Like Batman or Captain Spoon Bear Man when Gabe pretended to have him fight the Troll. Gabe looked over to see where Dwayne and Peter where talking with Momma, Sophie and Jasper talking with the Troll. Gabe nodded.
"Ok." He squenched his eyes tight. He didn't want to cry. Not now when Rowan sounded so strange, not never. Rowan kissed him on the forehead and stood and Gabe went to go stand by Dwayne, trying to keep distance between him and Momma. He turned when he heard Rowan say something to the Troll and watched as the two ran, until Rowan tackled him. He watched as Rowan beat up the Troll, punching his fist into the Troll's face; Gabe said Bang Bang quietly. Dwayne tried to rush over and help pull Rowan off but Gabe clamped onto his leg. He didn't want to be left with Momma. So Dwayne picked up Gabe and brought him too. Rowan was screaming bad words and strange words that trilled and sounded angry at the Troll, whom Sophie was helping up, trying to understand what was going on.
"What's wrong with you?!" Dwayne screamed, holding Gabe a little to tight.
Rowan stopped screaming for a moment.
"He's the Troll!"
"What are you talking about?!"
"He's the guy Gabe's afraid of! The guy who comes at night or when Gabe's in the bathroom!" For a moment Rowan and Dwayne locked eyes. Dwayne nodded once and Peter and Jasper let go, Sophie stepped away from the Troll. Rowan tackled him once more and held a knife to his throat. Momma ran over but Rowan pushed her off, threatened to hurt the Troll, to kill him if he ever came by Gabe again. Gabe whispered, "Bang Bang, You're dead," again but no one heard him. The Troll scrambled up, began to run for his car.
"Chuck!" screamed Momma. "Wait!" she turned to Rowan.
"That goes for you to. Gabe chose me. You're not included in the bargain. When he grows up, if he ever wants to see you, which I doubt he will, he can find you. You ruined your last kid with me- Gabe won't end up like me, or you, or dad. He's gonna be different." Momma held a hand to touch Rowan's chin. He turned his face away. She slapped him instead.
"You think you're so great. I could tell them stories about you that would ruin you."
"You've already done that. Go." She started to say something but Rowan cut her off when he screamed for her to go, again. She went. Rowan stood for a moment, ran his fingers through his hair and turned. Gabe ran to him, and Rowan caught him, sank to the ground and rocked with him. Gabe let himself cry; now it would be ok. No more gunshots. The two sat and rocked, and when both had calmed down, Rowan whispered in Gabe's ear, "You still want to stay with me forever and ever?"
"Yes." Gabe let himself relax fully against Rowan's chest.
Rowan looked up to Dwayne and Peter. "You hear?"
"Yes," said Peter. "But you need a co-guardian, someone over 21. In case you need help or something, someone to care for Gabe. Like you go to college or army or something." Rowan stood and stared at the four adults who stood before him. "But all of you have made... to what. I have to. chose?" They said nothing, waiting judgment. Rowan looked between Dwayne and Jasper, back and forth. "I.. I.. I.. chose Dwayne."
Peter and Sophie nodded and Sophie came, knelt down to kiss Rowan's spikes. "We know."
Rowan stood to look at Jasper. "I'm so sorry Jasper, it's just- Dwayne knows me better than I do. He's- he's"
"Been there." Jasper sounded defeated. "I just wish. Me, you and Sara."
"Could have been a family. I know. I wished for it too. She did too." Jasper hugged Rowan awkwardly, mindful of Gabe who snuggled against Rowan. He moved back so Rowan and Dwayne could look at each other full in the eye. "Do you mind?"
"No."
"Do you care?"
"More than you know." Dwayne embraced Rowan for a moment and Rowan spared an arm from underneath Gabe to return the gesture. The two broke apart and Rowan motioned to the almost sleeping Gabe, tired from his tears. "I'll go put him to sleep." Dwayne nodded. "Um, quick question. Is there going to be an assault thing?"
"For what?" asked Peter and Rowan smiled. Gabe nestled farther against Rona. Later, when he awoke, he would think it was a dream. And still not understand the joke.